Danielle Jhiani breaks down sneaky compulsions that keep OCD going: mental checking, reassurance seeking, subtle avoidance, over-explaining, and obsessing over recovery itself. She explains why they work (they reduce discomfort temporarily) and how to stop them by sitting with discomfort instead of fighting it.
Welcome back. My name is Danielle Gianni. I'm an anxiety OCD and relationship coach. Helping people eliminate these problems long term, just like I have Today, we're going to talk about sneaky compulsions. It's really important to remember that the compulsions are the things with OCD that are causing you to stay in that OCD cycle. So stopping them completely is key. So let's identify a few that you may be doing so that you can now work on stopping.
Sneaky compulsions are subtle mental or behavioral responses that you're doing to alleviate your discomfort, to gain certainty, or to create perfection in your life that may be giving you relief temporarily, but in the long term they reinforce the obsessive compulsive cycle over time. Unlike traditional compulsions that a lot of people know about, like washing your hands or checking the clock, these sneaky compulsions can feel like they're normal when they're really not. First, let's talk about some compulsions under the mental reassurance or checking category. First is replaying past conversations to ensure you didn't say something wrong, or reviewing future conversations to make sure you say things just right. Next, you might mentally review your past experiences to confirm your feelings like do I really love my partner? Have I always loved my partner? And third, scanning your body for physical sensations or discomfort to see if the anxiety is still there. This is a form of checking. So why are these compulsions? Because you're doing them to gain certainty and you're giving your fears, doubts and obsessions more attention. Next is subtle avoidance. Maybe you're checking your route to make sure that you can avoid a certain place or person. Next, maybe you're delaying your decisions because you want to be 100% sure. Or third, distracting yourself the moment you get triggered or an intrusive thought comes up to try to push it away or get rid of it. Avoidance always reinforces the discomfort and teaches you that you can't handle it. And it stops you from learning that anxiety fades on its own. And when you allow it to fade on its own, you retrain your nervous system more long term. Number three is seeking hidden reassurance. Maybe you're telling yourself that you're just Googling for information versus seeking reassurance online to get some sort of relief or certainty. Next, maybe you're asking a friend or a family member for their opinion, but you're actually checking it against your beliefs or fears. And lastly, watching OCD recovery stories to repeatedly prove that you're going to be okay too, even if it feels casual or normal. It is a compulsion if it's driven by fear, discomfort, or the need for certainty in that moment. Ask yourself could I not do this for a week or two? And if there's any level of discomfort in not taking that action in that moment, it is a compulsion. Next, over explaining or over correcting the compulsions that fall under this category are to clarify or say statements over and over again to ensure you are heard or understood. Next, completing actions over and over again until you feel just right, and lastly, apologizing over and over again for minor or imaginary mistakes. These are compulsions because they're things that you're doing to eliminate discomfort or rather than just allowing and accepting uncertainty, which is a very normal part of everyday life. And lastly, over focusing on the recovery process. If you're constantly focusing on how you feel, checking if it's working, or even looking into other forms of recovery, these are compulsions that are feeding into the perfectionism of OCD and recovery. So how do you break sneaky compulsions Compulsions? Let's talk about this. First, you want to identify the compulsions. Ask yourself in the moments that you're reacting to discomfort, am I doing this to alleviate anxiety or discomfort? To gain certainty or perfection? And if so, it's a compulsion and don't do it in that moment. Next, you're going to expose yourself to the discomfort. You're going to allow it to be there. You're going to allow yourself not to know the answer and move on with your day. 4. Focusing on who you want to be as you allow the discomfort to naturally fade, which it will as you stop focusing on it. 3. You're going to resist avoidance. Avoiding anything uncomfortable will always reinforce that fear, will always make it worse. And you want to start moving towards the things you're afraid of and doing the things that make you uncomfortable. 4. You're going to delay or limit checking. So when you feel like you want to check something, to google, or to seek reassurance, start by delaying it. Delay it for an hour, for three hours, for a day, whatever feels uncomfortable but doable. And as time goes on, you can delay it more and more until you notice you're able not to do it at all. And 5. Focus on living and not fixing. We're all flawed, we all have imperfections, we all get anxious sometimes. But hyper focusing on trying to fix yourself perfectly is only going to make you feel inadequate and lower your self esteem. Shift your attention to meaningful activities, living your life who you want to be despite whether you have fear, an intrusive thought or OCD is there. I know from personal experience that these sneaky compulsions feel real in the moment. It feels like you have to do them. But I promise you, if you stop letting your feelings dictate your behavior and you learn the recovery tools, your life will completely change. And if you want a copy of our Compulsions Workbook, which is going to help you stop these sneaky compulsions, you can click the link in the description below and we will share that with you. I hope this video was helpful. Comment like subscribe I respond to a lot of the messages here that you leave for me and we will talk to you very soon.
