EP. 45 Failures are opportunities

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Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.

Hey friends, thank you for listening to the All Things Good for you podcast. Join us as we explore ancient traditions, modern tools and practices in the world of health, wellness and personal development. I'm Amy Christensen, your host and your curated mind coach.

And I'm your co host, Brian Bowen, founder of Integrative Health Inc. And Better human company High Performance Coaching. Are you ready to take control of your life and start feeling enthusiastic, empowered and limitless each and every day for a life well lived, let your curiosity flow with all things good for you.

Good morning, Brian.

Good morning, Amy.

How are you? I am great. I am great.

Fantastic.

Because I skied yesterday and it was wonderful.

Nice.

And I haven't been skiing in a while, you know, I have, I went to this place, it's a little mountain called Monarch in, in Colorado, which is. I've, I've changed from my normal big mountain skiing and went some friends and I decided we were going to go hang out at Monarch this year just because there's a cabin and multiple reasons. Anyway, Monarch's a great little mountain. I probably shouldn't tell anybody out there just in case there are people who don't know. But it doesn't have like super, super high. But it does have, you know, some good challenging, a lot of challenging runs and some backcountry spaces you can get away too, and, you know, some good double blacks. So it was, it was a lot of fun to explore a new space, a new place and kind of push myself in a different direct a little bit. But the last two seasons have been very minimal for me on skiing, unfortunately, because I do love it so much, but life has just been doing other things and so I felt like I was a little rusty and so I went skied with a couple friends. One's a new skier and one a newish skier and one is lifelong, like expert skier. So it was a, a good experience to kind of see that the growth pattern and be able to challenge myself by following a really good skier, which is how I learned to ski. It's always picking better, better, better skier friends. And yeah, it was, you know, there's this level of expectation of, you know, what, where I should be with skiing and how good I should be or whatnot. And I skied this one my very first run, which really you shouldn't do. But my very first run was a pretty significant run. It was pretty challenging. It was double black, and we got. They got 12 inches of powder late yesterday, late Saturday.

That's amazing.

Yeah. So, so fun. It got really skied off, and we're going somewhere with this. We got fairly skied in, but not by any means skied off. But the moguls were the bumps that are made from people skiing around sections. They create little piles of snow. And usually those moguls, those bumps of snow become harder and packed, and you kind of have to learn either they're just kind of crest over them or weave in between them or bounce over them like some magical people can do. These were.

Tumble over them.

Yeah, these were soft. So you kind of hit an area that was flattened, and then you'd think you were going to, like, bump over something and you'd kind of plow into it. So you kind of like, go fast, go slow, go fast, go slow, which is fun. And it's not nearly as hard as a hard mogul, but it's because you're constantly dealing. You never know what you're going to get with it, and you could. Your skis could just, like, flower right into snow and you fall over. So several times on my very first run, I, you know, like, wiped out, and I sunk into a pile of snow, and I probably at one moment was, like, shaking my head at myself, going like, you're an idiot. What are you doing? Jumping onto a double block, your first, you know, run of the day, and you haven't been out in a while, and the conditions are great, but this is what you've decided to start yourself with. Good job, Amy. And I kind of felt that sense of, you suck coming on, and. And I just laid there at one point, and it was just like, I suck. I suck. This is a blast. First of all, any day just rolling around in the snow on skis is. Is a great day. You know, how. How. Who am I to set this expectation that I. I never had been on a mountain with snow until I was in my 40s. I, you know, I'm a newish skier still, even though I lived in the mountains and skied a lot and became pretty good. I expert. But I can certainly manage a double black, and I can celebrate that even on the days when I fall over a lot. So I just had to laugh at myself and go, oh, my gosh, how quickly can we just take this mindset and flip it around and go, what can I learn from this opportunity of falling down this mountain and just being aware of what my body was doing, the body mechanics, and playing with it and having a little fun. It totally changed the rest of the day and it was an absolute blast.

That's beautiful. Well, good job of stepping into that, even though you haven't done it in a while and just succeeding and celebrating that little success too. So it's amazing.

Yeah, yeah. So just kind of jumped into that story just based off of some of what we're going to talk about today.

I mean, I have no idea what we're talking about. I went real quick just to tie into this. I went swing dancing with my wife and some friends last night.

So cool.

And something that we've never done before and I've been wanting to do, but to step into a complete awkward moment of. And I felt myself getting nervous a little bit going up there. And there was probably like, you know, 80 something people in this room and just being like, I don't care. You know, there's 80 other people in here that there's other people who don't know what they're doing either. Right. And so just being able to move your body in an awkward way in front of all these people and you know, my. Have you ever done like a zoom book class or something where it's like your brain's trying to, you know, choreograph why. Why you're moving in? I'm never great at memorizing some of those sequences. And so I had that little panic attack for a minute and I'm just like, I don't care. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this. And it ended up being so much fun and. And exciting, exhilarating really, just to. Just to do it. And funny too. Like, lots of crack up moments. So. So it was fun to crack up at myself and situation.

Yeah, I think what a fun dancing in general, you know, And I grew up in. In high school and had aspirations of being a dancer. And life took me in a different direction there. And I totally understand the feeling of the challenge for even people who are good at it, quote unquote, to learn a new dance move and learn a different sequence and challenge your brain and your body mechanics to work in a rhythmic, beautiful way. And I think for me, and I think for you probably too, is like, I think if we can Come away and. And laugh and have fun through the process that we feel ultimately successful. But do you find. I. Okay, When I was falling down the mountain yesterday, I. I had to look up and see where the lift was. I guess I was like, please, God, don't. Don't let anybody be watching.

Don't let me see me. Don't look at me, right? Look away, look away.

How ridiculous is it at, you know, most of those people? Well, first of all, even if I ever saw them again, I probably won't recognize them because we're all bundled up and nobody knows what each other looks like anyway. But, you know, like, how silly are we that one of my concerns would be these people that don't know me, know anything about me, might see me and going down a double block, judge me.

Well, I gotta tell you, there's. There's. First of all, there's some douchebags out there, because I did have one time where I fell by a lift and somebody yelled down, go back to Florida. So. So. So that was uncomfortable. So there is that fear of somebody actually doing that, because there are douchebags out there that say stupid things. And so to be able to actually even hear that and just be like, that guy's a douchebag. I'm just gonna keep saying it over and over, and I hope he's listening, because first of all, anybody who's trying to do something, and it wasn't like I was. It wasn't like I was in a situation where I shouldn't have been in that environment. Like, it was a. It was in my range, my skills to do that. It just, you know, whatever. You just fall sometimes. Yeah, but you get back up. But you get back up. And so, like, I always think about when I go to the gym, and you can clearly see there's a newbie, and they don't know, you know, certain things, I'm still, like, good for them for being here and showing up. You know what I mean? So. But, you know, the people, like, good job, buddy.

Keep. Yeah, get back up. You got this. You got this. Got it. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That's just. But here's an example. Like, we both know how much that's painful. A little bit. However, I'm sorry. That was. That was. I would have laughed so hard if I had been in your situation. I would have just laughed at that guy, because that's funny. But I. That shows more about him, right? As a human being and kind of where he's at and when people are. When people are mean or whatever. It's so much more of a reflection of their insecurities than it is of any person's value that they're making fun of. So we have to recognize that. But it's kind of hard in the moment. You do have to kind of pull yourself together and focus on really the long term outcome that, that you're wanting. Right. What's your. What is what you're trying to do. And I had speaking another ski analogy or no maybe it was mountain biking analogy. Anyway I had a friend who said if you're not falling you're not trying very hard.

Yeah.

You know and I, I don't fully agree with that. But yes there are moments if you're going to keep pushing and getting better you're going to have to go through. You're going to have to put yourself in something that's a harder situation. Something you're. That's more difficult than you know your skill level that you've currently achieved. You know, push your. Do something with somebody who's way better at something than you are and trust in their process and be okay with not being as good at something because yeah it's our fear of failure. Right. That fear of failing and not being successful or good enough or impressive or somebody's gonna make fun of us or this means I suck in life in general because I can't do this one thing. Or maybe you've tried multiple things and you've not been the best at it. Like who, who, why. Why does everybody need to be you know Michael Jordan to and think that you've done something well and are successful at something and and enjoyed it.

What I think one is we just have to.

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We aren't patient about the reps of stuff to actually learn something that new skill or master it. And I think there was a quote with Michael Jordan I can't remember it was something crazy like he had missed 33000 shots or I can't remember some big number of shots that he took and then he had the opportunity to shoot you know 36 game winning shots that he missed and the team lost and stuff like that. So it's like you know, it was cool to see some of the stats that he pulled up, but clearly he's successful. So I think just in case the listeners aren't hearing yet what we're laying down, as far as what today's podcast is about, it is about failures and moving past some of those perceived failures into allowing us to step in to new opportunities, not letting those hold us back and, you know, stepping into those more successful moments. And there's a couple quotes if I don't mind if I could throw some quotes out there.

You know, I love the quotes.

There's some quotes. Well, first of all, I've got a bunch. I got a bunch. And Winston Churchill is rocking it as, as far as I'm concerned with quotes in this category of failure and a couple of his quot success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. Winston CHURCHILL. Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. I love that one. Winston Churchill Another one. And this ties back to some of the reps. I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that it will work. Thomas Edison and then this is an amazing one here. Success does not always need to be seen, but does need to be celebrated. Brian Bowen. But my point of producing that quote is a lot of times we do something that we actually are successful at and maybe the world doesn't see it. And it could be a small thing, could be you successfully baked your first baked good. It could be painted your first painting. It could be you produced your, you know, played your song on the guitar. And so not everybody's gonna see that. And so it's okay, but you need to celebrate it because I feel like the successes that we have that are, that go without celebration aren't recognized and you're missing opportunities to build on your self esteem, to build that confidence, to build that momentum into more and more successful moments and to, and to help push back some of those, push through some of those old failures that we, we hang on to it' like everything in life. Yeah. So the successes that aren't that people don't necessarily see those moments if they go uncelebrated, we're missing opportunities to recognize those to build confidence. That helps build self esteem. And that's a compounding effect that leads, you know, creates that momentum to move forward with the successful moments. And it's just like anything in life. I feel like we always recognize the negative stuff or you know, the dramatic stuff is, you know, that's why the world is filled with It. Because people connect with that much easier where if we pay attention and celebrate all the good stuff and the yummy stuff and that's what cultivates more and more and more. That's like that winning environment, you know, cultivates more and rising tides. What's that quote about rising tides rise all boats? What is that?

Yes. You're the quote guy.

You know what I'm saying?

I know what you're saying.

The whole thing about the rising tide lifts all boats. So it's like we need to. We need to like, carry that energy forward. And so we can't, like, we can't let one or two little moments where we feel we weren't successful bring down all ships. Right. Or to not allow us to. To recognize all the great successful moments that we have and we need to celebrate them more.

Yeah. And I think it's. We can get into the little. No, the, the. I wouldn't. I'm not sure if it's a cliche, but it's. Well, it's, it's stated a lot and used a lot that, you know, it's when you're a little baby and you're learning to crawl and you learn to walk and you take a couple of wobbly steps and you fall down. You know, if your parents are like, ah, God, you suck at that, kid. That's. You might as well quit.

You know, that parent should not. That parent should not be a parent, by the way.

Exactly.

But you start off that you come out of the gate like that, you.

Know, and even, even as, as a baby, I mean, maybe as. Maybe you're like, what I'm doing, you know, wow, that's crazy. And, you know, they fall down, maybe they cry, they try again. You know, it's just all perceptions. But, you know, you're not, you're not going to quit just, you know, because there's not an expectation of a baby standing up and being an expert, you know, runner. The moment, the moment he gets up and takes his first steps. It's clearly a process of learning. And just the fact that you took those first couple of steps is pretty miraculous and encouraging and, and well done. And we, we don't do a very good job often carrying that through the rest of our life. And as we get older, you know, I think, like, speaking of compounding effects, the compounding effect of maybe you've tried a lot of things and you've perceived the level of success that you had this expectation of success you had at something and you've had multiple things where you've failed and quote, unquote, and didn't get the result that you thought you wanted. And you developed an attitude of, I'm just, you know, a failure because you've tried a lot of things instead of having that space of, like Edison and Michael Jordan, you know, of. Look at all the times I figured out how not to do it, you know, I've got to be closer to figuring it out or just the being even just successful. And look at all these things that I did, or this way I did it and I learned all these things about it that didn't work the way I wanted to. That's still information. It's still a success.

Yeah, I think. Yeah. 100. I think the one thing maybe that we need to understand a little bit too, and pay attention to is there's so many things that we are successful at that that there's multiple components for. And so let's say you are a painter or I'm creating a continuing education class, whatever I feel like when you make something. So I have this idea of a class and I. I bring it from my mind and I. I spend the time filming and I'm editing, and it's like you're watching it. It's like really good material, or you're painting a beautiful painting, you know, that you have envisioned and it comes out of your mind and you. You putting it down on canvas and it looks amazing. So we successfully, in those instances, created something beautiful. We were successful at taking something from her mind and concept and bringing it into this world. Right. And creating this whole new thing. And so that was very successful. So we need to stop and pause there, celebrate that and recognize it. Because then if I don't sell any of those classes and nobody buys them or nobody buys that paint, those paintings that you painted, we then feel we were not successful. But at the end of the day, you were successful in accomplishing that goal. You were successful in accomplishing that vision, but the next phase of it wasn't successful. But those are different skills.

Right?

So that. That's a whole. I mean, so many people feel like they're not successful. And it comes down really, because they don't have the skill to. For the marketing piece. Right. They have all these. There's so many beautiful things out in the world, but people don't have the time, the patience, the skill for marketing or whatever and so need to recognize, no, I'm ex. I am a successful painter. I am a successful, you know, continuing education provider that makes these, like, really, really good Videos. But now I need to do this or I need to find somebody to do this or whatever. But we have to differentiate those things because I feel like it's taking something, it's taking that opportunity for us to feel successful away.

Yeah. And I think no, absolutely does. And I think that's applicable on a lot of levels. I think to add into that is it also goes to your expectations. You know, the first time I my. I grew up, I think I've mentioned this before, but I grew up in a very artistic family. I feel like almost all my other family members are way more artistic talented than I am. So I didn't even pick up and try to become, you know, do any type of artwork or painting until I was in my 30s and I on a whim took a little local evening class and I learned to paint a bird. And I was like, well this is, this is really fun. I kind of like this. And it wasn't an intention of mine to become a selling artist, right. I just thought this just feels good, it feels expressive, it feels different and it was just relaxing. So I wanted to paint some paintings. I just wanted to do it for myself and how the painting itself made me feel and then it kind of grew from there. But I think when we set out with an intention of doing something just for the enjoyment that it brings us and we're not, you know, trying to become a huge successful artist or you're not trying to sell 30,000 videos or you're not trying to become the downhill mogul champion at 50 something and then, you know, it's like what are my expectations here? I'm. I'm not going to go out and have this expectation, do anything other than just experience this moment and learn from it and enjoy it. So you're it. I get it. Like if you have a desire to create something with the output of getting other people to purchase it or enjoy it, there is an extra challenge in there. But if you will at least be able to take away in the initial. I'm just going to do this part and enjoy it.

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It will. I think it enriches the whole process is what I'm trying to get to because for A long time, I painted paintings just for myself. Then some people told me it was good, which felt good. Right. Like, other people's opinions do sometimes matter, and other people's opinions do sometimes pay our bills. So there is an aspect of, you know, having that approval from other people and them liking our work. Right. And seeing value in it. And then I went, I'm sorry.

No, no, no, you go.

No, you go ahead.

You got. No, go finish.

Yeah, so there's just that aspect of. I then had a new idea of, oh, well, other people like it. What else could I paint that other people like, you know, or maybe I could sell this. And then I, you know, sold one of my first paintings to an art collector, and he had quite an extensive art collection, and I was very flattered, and it was. It just kind of opened my mind up to other things. But after a while, I decided, you know what? I don't. I don't really want to put the pressure on myself to make art for other people's approval and put it as my focus to make art to create an income. I felt that there was a level of expectation and pressure that I put on myself that I didn't want in that realm. So I still paint paintings, but I was very cautious about who I painted for or who bought my work and how I went around that process. So I chose not to go forward with a huge push to make my artwork become my income. For now. For now. So I just enjoy the process. And when I paint a painting for somebody and if they buy it, then it's really special.

I love it that. That just when you were talking, you said a couple things that. That jumped out that I think we need to differentiate is one is a sense of fulfillment. So differentiating what success is. Right. And fulfillment because we can be. You have. You were fulfilled in your creation and your painting and all that. It brought you a sense of joy and. And accomplishment and fulfillment and personal meaning in your own life. Right. So how many people are having achievements that are marked achievements of success that are not by their own standards? Like, this is what I have to do. Like, I'm in the corporate world, let's say, and this is what I'm supposed to do for my next promotion, and I made it. This is what I'm supposed to do for my next promotion. The next thing you know, they're VP of something, and they've had all these successful accomplishments, but they're still lacking the fulfillment.

Yeah.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, absolutely. Because there's. There's a piece of the puzzle that's missing for them, because we all know this, that there can be. People are massive success or extremely beautiful or, you know, have all the stereotypical things you think you should have for a happy life. And they're very unhappy. You know, they're unhappy in their own mind and their own heart and their relationships or what have you. And the job isn't fulfilling. The money isn't that great. It's not. They're not happy.

Yeah.

And I think.

Sorry. No, go ahead.

Yeah, I think it goes to. What you're speaking of is like, having that fulfillment and the happiness of the process in small successes. Like, I don't know about their failures, obviously, you know, but it does lead you to wonder what makes you feel happy and. And fulfilled also ties into how you perceive your expectations around certain situations.

Yeah. I mean, Thomas Edison, when He found the 10,000 ways that didn't work, I bet each one of those ways he was fulfilled in the process of doing it. Right. There was a. There was a fulfillment of an experience within the journey of doing that. So, yeah, I'd rather have a sense of fulfillment throughout the whole process than just. Than just the big grand finale without being fueled by the passions and things that require that are required to feel fulfilled and to fill that joy and that sense of purpose and meaningfulness.

Yeah. And I know early on in one of our podcasts, we've touched on this about how we've. I believe in this society, we have to do a better job of when we teach our children, failure is not bad. That is not the final information or input. It's not the final output. That failure is an opportunity to learn and grow and be curious. One of our favorite things. Right? And I have to imagine, okay, Edison, failing 10,000 times. Did he get frustrated? Did he get mad? Did he go home angry? I would assume probably yes. You know, I'm going to assume that there are moments where not everything is fabulous and perfect when you're trying to do something that many times with a. With a hopeful outcome. But the fact that you learned more and were curious more and took data and said it didn't work this way. Now what's left led to a level of purpose. First of all, he did have a hopeful outcome that he was striving for. And it's not to deny the process can't be frustrating. It's to say, I can. I want this hopeful outcome, or I enjoy this process enough to keep doing it again and again and taking what I learn and expanding on it.

Yeah.

Did rock climbing for a little while and I did not enjoy it. I didn't like the process that much. I wasn't. I would say I wasn't very good at it, but I'm not also good at a lot of things that I continue to do and enjoy. I just. There was something about the process and maybe it was the fact that it risked my hands and used my arms. You know, it kind of countered what I do for a living that added an extra level of stress. I enjoyed. Like a lot of times I would get down off of a climb and. And go, all right, I am angry, I'm frustrated. I didn't do well. I couldn't make that work. Or. And then I would be determined to try again just because I wanted to conquer it. You know, I just wanted to be like, oh, I want to try that because I think I could do this and I could try that and I want to. I want to do this. I get that. That I. That anxious determination not just of healthy competitive with myself but like this anger to prove something. And I think in the long run it just showed that I didn't particularly find enjoyment in that process. And so I, I don't really climb anymore. And I think there's a healthy space in that to go. I can look at all these different feedbacks as to where I maybe didn't do well or what I could do to be better. And the fact was is that in the end, at the end of the day, that was not something that I enjoyed long term and I didn't want to keep doing it. So I. That's great.

You tried that and stepped into it to see if it was something that. That fulfilled you, you know, that you had that fulfillment.

And I did that with jobs. I tried to sell jewelry. Run time and sucked at that too.

All right, self deprecating language. Stop that. I just weren't into it.

I'm not like the jewelry. I'm not good at convincing somebody to get. Buy something or invest in something that I myself do not value. That is what I learned from that job.

Well, a couple things. The willingness to do something and the resilience to overcome challenges, I think are two fundamental ingredients to overcoming and becoming successful through. Through processes that can be challenging. And I think without the willingness and that resilience can be a really big undertaking. And courage is an essential ingredient to, to all that because, you know, it's the foundation for. For both of those things to happen. And I know a lot of times when we, we fell. Brendon Burchard has three types of pain that he talks about. There's a fear of loss pain, what you have to give up, you know, or changing by advancing. What will you lose during that whole process? The other one is process pain, again, is how hard is it going to be? You know, again, going with that loss pain, they tie together. What do I have to give up to. To endure and to push forward? And then fear of outcome pain, you know, what is. Is it going to fulfill me at the end of the day? Am I going to be able to accomplish this? I've done something like it didn't work out. And so that courage, you know, let's say the rock climbing, you weren't good at it, but you somehow tied that together to another project and you're like, well, I did something similar. I remember when I tried rock climbing and I wasn't successful, so therefore I'm not going to go try swing dancing. Right. Or whatever. And so the courage to, to step into that is huge. And I was thinking about earlier when you were talking about the baby taking steps. One is, you know, we need to be more like the baby. Right. Either a, they don't understand or even care about what failure is. Like the baby falls down after a couple steps, or the infant. I shouldn't say baby. The infant falls down after a couple steps. Do you think that the infant stands back up and says, well, I don't know if I'm gonna even try this again because I keep failing, you know, each step I take. Or is it. Is the. The infant, like, I have so much courage, I'm going to conquer this? I don't think either of those are, are actually true. I think that it's just the, the infants just keeps trying. Right. Because the infant really, you know, wants to do this innately.

Yeah.

And so I think we need to have a little bit more. I think courage is exceptional. I think it's super important to, to push through some of those old past experiences. But what if we could embody a little bit more of the infant mind and just be like, I'm going to keep pushing forward. I don't care. Right. I really want to do this. Right. It doesn't matter. There is no fear of fail of outcome pain. There is no fear of process pain. There is no fear of loss pain. We just drop all of it and we just, you know, step into it and just, you know, again, I know we identify that as courage, but I don't know, I like, I kind of like the infant mind a little bit.

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Yeah. Yeah. And then like the beginner's mind kind of, you know, on a different level but same thing like when they say when you're going to go into something, just kind of go into with the, with the beginner's mind meaning just kind of take away your previous experiences, your previous expectations and perceptions of a situation and go into something curious and open minded about maybe I don't know everything about this. Maybe I can go back to a clean slate. You can enter something with a beginner's mindset. It's. You're, you're allowing yourself to just observe and try to learn something from fresh perspective. So even though I think there are some things where you have to have courage to do that and maybe there's a bit of courage involved in having a beginner's mindset because you have to kind of let go of your ego and you kind of have to step back into an unknowing still that space of curiosity and recognizing, you know, not knowing everything or potential to have to say maybe we, that we didn't, it's not a failure but maybe we didn't know everything or maybe we didn't do it right or maybe there's another way to get it done. There's still a bit of okay, maybe we're going to take the infant mindset of I'm just not going to quit. There's no re. I mean babies don't know what failure is until they've been told really. And the same thing with a beginner's mindset. If you kind of wipe it away to maybe if I take away all these, these times in my life where quote unquote I was told that it was right or it was wrong and look at it from a fresh new perspective, I think it lends to one more opportunities to learn and expand. But pushing ourselves to that next level, allowing ourselves to go to the next level by taking a step back. Does that make sense?

100%? Yeah. No, I think that, that, I think that you know, to step into the wrapping this up, I think that that that action, that tool of, of going with the beginner's mindset is a perfect, a perfect segue into that. I think what can we do? What can we do moving forward? How can I do something different and, and push through these past failures to move into more opportunities. Right. And to open up? I think that the beginner's mindset is amazing. I think courage is amazing. I think being more resilient and being able to. I mean there's always a douchebag out there, right? So I think recognizing that, that there's people, there's always going to be a hater. There's always going to be somebody who says something mean or something stupid. I think just to know that that's true for everybody out there. Like there's actually somebody out there that probably thinks Michael Jordan sucks. I don't know how it's possible, but there probably is. Do you know what I mean?

And if they, if they can't say he sucks at what he does for a job, they will find some other way to say he sucks. Right? Yeah, they're gonna, there's, people are always going to find there's going to be people who will look for some way to degree degrade somebody else in order to upgrade themselves.

Yeah. Actually you need to have a president's mindset and, or politicians mindset because a politician knows that there's going to be at least 49% of the population that does not like you. Right. And they're okay with that. They're like as long as I get 51% of the people that like me. And that's not, that's actually lower than that because they're really, they just know that some people are going to default vote because of the, their political views or party line. So really they're like, well, I know they don't like me. So there's 30% of people need to like me. 20% or 21% of the people are going to vote for me just because of my political affiliation. So I don't care about the rest. And, and I'm joking when I say that. But yeah, that's, they're okay with that. Right? They're just like this is, this is their, their expectation. And so it's kind of a bad metaphor, but it just came out because it's early morning and that's where I'm at right now.

It's okay. It's okay.

But my point is.

I get it. You got it? Okay.

Yeah. I don't know. We talk about it more.

No, but I get it. They're just, we need to understand that there's just a, a group or section or percentage of people that won't understand you won't like, you won't agree or align with what your. You find valuable and interesting or what your purpose is. And that is okay. And it's. And obviously we learn a lot of this, the basis for this stuff when we're, when we're kids and when we're in high school and we're not taught in school how to process our emotions. We're really not. There's no class on here's this feeling and this emotion and, and here's how to deal with it or work with it or use it or grow it or, you know, we're not really taught that. So maybe it would be lovely if we would. But, but. And I think maybe society is changing a little bit in that way. But yeah, we were so many times as adults really operating off of what we still learned as a kid because we're. I don't. I mean, and maybe that's why coaching is growing and mental health awareness is growing so much as. I mean, I'm, I'm shocked and amazed every day at how we are so deeply ingrained to something we learned when we were 7 or 10 or 12, 15, and taking that time to sit back and go, this is okay. And how do we take. We can reflect back when we're kids and be able to say, oh yeah, I learned that. But how are you at, you know, to your point, like, the CEO has all these things and is unhappy and there's this point of their own shame and guilt around I should be happy or I can't. You know, the denial of, of unhappy feelings or having to learn how to operate from a infant mindset or a new person's mindset like those. The, the ego and the pressure that we put on ourselves as adults to have it all figured out to be successful, to be good, to be. I don't fail. I've got it. You know, what a bunch of pressure we put on ourselves all the time. And I think if we got better at sitting back and looking at our failures or our attempts as learning opportunities every single day and that we're never fully there, quote unquote, or successful to the nth degree, quote unquote, if you're still living, there's still an opportunity to learn and grow and letting go of that ego a little bit, you know, recognizing it. Also not having Pollyanna syndrome. Right. Like, I don't believe in this idea that we. Everything is good all the time and never think about the negative and cancel, cancel, don't, don't even think those negative thoughts or say those negative words. I don't believe in that. I think that that leads to a lot of denial on. On stuff that's very important for our development for awareness is to, to not shy away from failures, Negative feelings, sadness, disappointment, frustration and anger. I think that all of those are very healthy aspects of how we're designed. Can you imagine if your body just decided to not pay attention to the negative feed that you're getting for homeostasis? And your body is just like, oh, look, your insulin level or your glucose levels are high. We're just gonna ignore that and not do anything about it. And, well, gee, I know you're probably gonna die from that, but at least you didn't have to think about it. You know, it's like your body is designed to recognize negative consensus or sensor information in order to keep you healthy and safe. And I think emotionally we have to do the same thing. It's when one or the other becomes so heavily dominant that then becomes a problem. Whether it's constant positive or constant negative. It's finding that the. It's the process of making all those work together to keep your body growing and moving and being healthy. The same thing is with life. Like, failure is not a terrible thing. It can be something used for extreme good for us and getting good at just taking time every day to observe and putting yourself regularly in a situation to fail is actually a good thing. It helps us grow. It helps us develop more, brings us novelty and interest. Sorry for the.

Coughing pain can be an important process to growth. Just like my wife stepping on my toes last night during our swing dancing lesson, like, really aggressively. I. I'm. Now I want to go back and get that, get that tempo even, even down, better. I'm going to practice my slow, slow rock step. Slow.

Sorry. Well, it's your wife a dancer. I'm gonna say this. Let's say it. I don't think. I don't think she stepped on your toe, Brian. I'm just gonna say it. I think you put your toe underneath where her foot was supposed to be.

100. 100. Well, that's because they, at one point, they were making us do slow, slow rock steps. And when you got it down, then they'd make you like tap, pat your belly or rub your belly and pat your head while you're doing it to keep the tempo or turn in a circle. Once that started, like, it all fell apart and then my toe went under her foot. That's what it happened. So, so really it was their fault.

Awesome. Oh, my gosh.

There was still. There was still with. Within all that, there was still a sense of fulfillment. So even when there's the pain and. And again, the pain leads to the. The process of growth. Even when there's a pain, as long as you're finding fulfillment within that, as long as there's still, like, some joy and you're. You're following and that inner voice that you're on the track that you're supposed to be doing, that you want that pursuit and you become resilient, right? And you become. You have the courage to step into it, you keep working and you keep learning and you keep growing from it, then you're on the right track. So.

And knowing that you've been through hard things before, you know, take that. Take that courage and that. That competency level of. I've done these things before. I've overcome hard things. I've learned difficult stuff. I have made failures and learned from it. You know, that kind of helps reinforce that cour. To take the step into something and surrounding yourself with positive, helpful people. You know, it would kind of be awful to be the baby who's. The. Who's had. The parent said, don't try that again.

So, oh, my God.

Let's. Let's, you know, surround yourself with people that. That are supportive and honest, but also, you know, giving you that. I had this horrible thing where I don't understand the people who made it to an idol, and they're terrible. I'm like, what. What group of people continued to tell this person they were really good at singing that were clearly not being honest? Well, that's probably mean of me, but no.

Well, that goes to it. That goes to, unfortunately, a bigger thing because the point of them putting them on the air is because there's people out there who like to see people fail, and they're. They're on the air to drive ratings because there's people that like to see people fail. So to. To watch that and be like, oh, my God, they're so terrible. They're on there. They know they're terrible. They made a choice to put them on there because people like to see people fail. So for those of you who like to see people fail that switch.

I don't like that. I don't. I actually don't enjoy those. Yeah, I don't enjoy that. But, yeah, thank you for pointing that out to me. Now I feel extra level of contempt for American Idol, but it's true.

And that's what, you know, People like the drama. People like, like, you know that stuff too. And you know, that's, you know. But that's an interesting state of conditioning.

Exactly. And I, as we're wrapping this up and I think that that's an interesting aspect. It kind of goes back to the guy yelling at you, go home or go back to Florida. I'm sorry. That's right. You get that out of your system, Brian. You tell them what you really wanted to say. It's held somatically somewhere in your body. That is really interesting because I think there's something that's playing there off of, of people's need to not feel like failure by pointing out other people's failure. And I think that's. I don't know why I find that so hilarious, but I suppose that's kind of like watching people on those shows just be humiliated or fail at stuff. And somehow there's somewhere in us that finds entertainment in the, the fact that we're not alone. When I say it speaks to that guy's personality. You know, that guy probably has this fear of failing and this shame or arrogance about he didn't fail at something. And I'm assuming, well, he didn't.

He didn't learn how to walk till he was five, probably.

Loser.

Probably. That's probably. Okay, we better, we better, we better cut. So get a growth. Keep if. Get that growth mindset. Get the growth mindset. You can step through, you can push through. You cannot let failures hold you back. You can move into more opportunities.

So yeah, yeah, keep some humor.

Go get it.

People in your own failure, not everybody else's. Yeah, keep, keep taking courage to learn and put yourself in difficult situations. Surround yourself with positive people that support your, your endeavors to learn, but that will be honest with you. And yeah, have a good day. Keep going. Going curiously to the next moment.

I love it. All right, everybody, share this podcast with all your friends and family and thank you for taking the time to listen. We appreciate you so much. And Amy, I appreciate you and have an amazing day.

I appreciate you too, Brian. I'm glad you don't live in Florida.

Okay, I'm gonna go be successful at editing right now.

You're awesome. All right, thanks, Brian. Bye bye.

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