EP 52 ATGFY Let It Go

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Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. Common sense is not common practice. It's a lot of what we have stress about. One of the signals for something that you need to let go of is that feeling of resistance. Hey friends, thank you for listening to the All Things Good for you podcast. Join us as we explore ancient traditions, modern tools and practices in the world of health, wellness and personal development. I'm Amy Christiansen, your host and and your curated mind coach.

And I'm your co host, Brian Bowen, founder of Integrative Health Inc. And Better Human Company High Performance Coaching Are you ready to take control of your life and start feeling enthusiastic, empowered and limitless Each and every day for a life well lived, let your curiosity flow with all things good for you. Good evening, Amy. It is not good morning. It is good evening. How the heck are you?

It is good evening and it has been a very good weekend. I'm happy to be here. Yeah. Yeah.

You just got back from crushing some skiing for a couple days, right.

And mountain biking and concert going. It has been a fun couple of days.

Awesome. Real quick, what concert did you go to?

Oh, I just went to a little band in a place in Buena Vista and we, we danced till it closed.

Awesome.

I love it. It was a lot of fun. Yeah.

And then we rode concert season.

Oh yeah. And this is a really cool place. You know Buena Vista in that cool spot where they're, they're building up towards the river. A great little place called the Lariat. Shout out to the Lariat. Buena Vista. A lot of fun to go there and see bands play. Yay.

So yeah, yeah, we went to Red Rocks last Sunday and did our first concert for the season and it was amazing.

Oh, I know who you went to see. It was so good. I'm kind of envious that you did that. Not kind of, I'm very. But super cool that you did it.

Trevor Halls, he's, he's so good. Just to bring this into the Trevor hall conversation though, he has that one song where and this is to tie it into the listeners for what we're going to be talking about today, but he has the one song that goes put down what you carry and put down what you carry. Do you know the song?

I kind of do.

Yeah.

Maybe. Yes. Trevor.

So that whole thing about Trevor hall. Baby. So that whole thing about put down what you're carrying alludes to some old Buddhist fables as well. I don't know if that's exactly where his roots are, but I've heard lots of Buddhist fables about putting down what you're carrying. And it's about letting go.

Right.

Moving on. And so today we are going to be chatting about letting go and why it's so good for you. So do you have any. Any thoughts about letting go, Amy?

I have so many thoughts about letting go.

So many thoughts.

I feel like I might be becoming an expert.

Grudges, relationships, fear, control, expectations, habits, regrets, identity, beliefs. What do you got?

All of those, exactly. I mean, pain. Yes. Anger, manipulation, past stress, all of it. Put it down, man.

There's a. A quick quote from. So one of. A quote that I pulled up that I really like is when I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lapsa. Yeah, a beautiful little, little quote. But I guess what's. Before we jump into the conversation about letting go and what kind of things people are holding on to, you know, since this is all good things for you, what. Why is it important? Why is it good for you to. To let go? I think some of this is kind of common sense, but I think some of it, you know, we could dive a little deeper into.

Well, as our mentor says, common sense is not common practice. It's a lot of what we have stress about. One of the signals for something that you need to let go of is that feeling of that resistance that when you're. I. Repelling resistance, anger, frustration, things aren't going your way, you're not getting what you want. You know, for me, a lot of times it's that feeling of just. It just a. Like I'm pushing something really. Like I really want this to be this way. Or, you know, you're just feeling a resistance, like things aren't going your way, and it creates tension and stress and confusion and letting you know, taking a step back and letting things go just really opens up a space for us on a lot of levels. The energetically, thoughtfully, spiritually, physically, we just. Oh, if you. Have you ever had something you're just trying to make happen and you just decide to be just like, you know what, Maybe this just doesn't need to happen, and you just let it go and you feel all that tension in Your neck. You just take a deep breath and you're just kind of like, okay, just like Trevor says. Right. Put it down. I've. You've ever been backpacking and carried a super heavy pack, and you finally. Not that that's a bad thing. You should. Everybody should try it. But, you know, if you've ever overpacked your pack and you take that off and you set it down and you just kind of feel like you're floating. You're like, oh, my goodness. I had. I just didn't think about all the weight that I was carrying for the last several days on my back and taking that off, I kind of feel I could fly right now.

I love it. It's a good metaphor.

Yeah, it's kind of fantastic. So, you know, you just feel lighter. I think you feel freer. I think things become more clear. And obviously you definitely let go of stress, which is good for your health.

Yeah, I feel like I. I struggled for time and. And still battle with it, with control of my day. So I'm in a very structured kind of work environment. When I'm working on people, I know exactly what I'm doing, at least where I' 30 minutes and stuff like that. And so on my flex days, I throw out all the things that I have to get done, and I prioritize them, and I have my list. And sometimes you get thrown a curveball or somebody pulls you a different direction. And I would catch myself in situations where if something's impeding my forward movement or pushing me off of my path of the direction that I had imagined I would be going, I would catch myself getting a little frustrated inside and irritable. And it took me a while to. To really realize I'm just going to be the conscious, flexible, letting go ninja. It's just like, okay, I got 20 things I have to do. These three are just as equally as important. And if I got sidetracked, I can always pivot and maneuver. So I gave myself at least a little flexibility, but was still accommodating a little bit of my control stuff. But at the end of the day, when we're thrown off that direction and if we have a little bit of control, just remember what's the worst thing that's going to happen if it doesn't get done, you know? So I think you remember I've talked before about creating my bucket. So it's just like, okay, that's not gonna get done. It's going to the bucket. And the bucket never gets left by itself. You come back to it, it still gets done. You don't just dump the bucket out. So creating the bucket, I guess really saved my life. No, I'm just kidding. But really, really, really helped me let go.

You know, on ski days, Brian, I, I kind of revert back to a 20 year old ski bum. And we usually have a couple drinks. And so I have a lot to say right now that I am resisting. I'm just gonna laugh for just a second.

You can totally laugh.

There's so many inappropriate things going on in my head right now.

I, I already cracked a seal for you. So the door's open. The door is wide open for you.

Okay, so let me just reenter the thought process of what we were trying to talk about here.

I want to point something out, like just that moment, right? The moment you're having right now and that we're talking about just by talking about putting it down and letting it go and having a bucket, like, look at how much joy it brought. Not just me, but you too. So like, so everything got, everything got lighter quicker. And you two, you two listeners can have this same feeling of lightness and joy if you just put down what you're carrying.

Sometimes you just gotta laugh and let it go. Okay, now there was something you said, but, oh, your list of all the things you should get done for the day. And we all heard that, like shooting on yourself. Stop shooting on yourself. You know, we have all these expectations of what our day should look like, what we've got to get accomplished, and how many times have we gotten up and like made a long list of all the things that have to happen today. I have got to get all these things done. And you're driving to work and you're 10 minutes behind what you think you need to be there or you are late and you know, you just kind of think your whole day is going to fall apart and yet you get through and you, you don't get those things done. And you wake up tomorrow and you probably didn't lose your house because you didn't get everything on that checklist done or you didn't lose everything. Did you really mess up your life because you didn't accomplish all of those things? Maybe there's one or two things you needed to accomplish to save that, and that's all you needed to worry. But how often do we make these ridiculously long lists of expectations and give ourselves so much stress because it didn't go the way we envisioned it? And by golly, if I don't get this stuff done and only supposed to be like you had mentioned earlier, I'm only supposed to be at this place doing this thing for two hours and it took me three or four hours. And now I'm, you know, wait a minute, like take a step back and go, yeah. What can I control and what can I find in Joy through this process? And what can I let go of on the expectations of and trust that I have tomorrow? I have more time. Things kind of happen when they need to and I find that when we're trying to shove a lot of stuff together and push something through, it actually takes longer than what it does when it happens the way, you know, maybe in a flow state, we don't have to work quite as hard to get something to progress forward when we're not fighting it to happen on our timetable.

Absolutely. Yeah. The Wu Wei state, everything's better. And going back to something you said, it just made me think about we that we create lists, right? We keep. We always create a list and we know the list is never done. And as soon as we get to the bottom of the list, we create another list. I know that this is probably a little mundane and superficial compared to deep thoughts from your childhood of I'm a failure or something like that of letting go but still this is like important, critical stuff and how it affects our health today and the compounding effect of feeling overwhelmed and anxiety and depressed and like all this stuff because I think for me, I create the list because for me to feel productive.

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Gives me value and that's. That's something I need to let go of. I can sit on the couch and have just as much value as I am doing this podcast right now. But I actually enjoy this a lot more than just sitting on the couch. So I Guess my. My point is, do we create lists sometimes just to keep ourselves in a state of having some drama or having some problem? You know what I mean?

Yes.

Can you believe all the things I have to do today? Well, you made the list, right?

Yes.

You could have made it shorter.

Huh. And then there's a. That's a whole nother podcast, I think, too, on that level, of how we create those lists in our head. And then we also want other people to see our struggle and our suffering as a justification for how productive or how much we need attention or how much we need approval, and we need that somehow to create co. Misery or for comparison. But that's another podcast, but it kind of falls into the Letting go.

I see where you're going. Well, and again, that's other people. Again, maybe like my example of feeling value. People want to be told, good job, or I can't believe all that you get. You get done or whatever. Whatever. Whatever. Right. So we just need to make T shirts that say, good job, and then we just wear those. Wear those around. And it has a finger pointing at somebody, at the person who's pointing at.

Have you ever been to the restaurant bar in Colorado Springs in the. In the Broadmoor? The Bee? I can't think.

I don't go. I don't go into those kind of establishments. Amy.

It's a really elegant.

I've been there. I love it.

What's it. It's not called the Bee, though. It's something else.

Yeah, no, it's the Bee. It's called the. The Piano Singing Bar. Like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a really cool historical building. Anyway, but while they're there, you know, they have the little. They have these little embroidered bees with sticky stuff on the back of them. They're fairly thick. They're not stickers. I know you know what I'm talking about, because randomly while you're there, you sing and everybody joins in with the piano guy, or you do something good with your waiter or something, and they literally throw these little bee stickers at you. And it's a compliment.

It's ingenious. And they stick. They somehow always make them stick to you.

They do. So you can leave there with, you know, one to 20 bees, depending on the night, I guess.

But I think let's make some good jobs, too. Stickers.

Job stickers where we throw them at people.

Yeah, totally. Just walk by somebody and they see, like, somebody doing something kind or whatever. You just. Good job. You just throw it at them.

I feel like there's a couple of somatic processes that might be being fulfilled with that. Being able to throw something at somebody and it'd be a good thing.

That's, that's another, that's another podcast. And today you could get shot for doing that. So you got it.

Oh man. Be careful.

You gotta be careful with that. Okay, so we're digressing here. Just for a minute. Just for a minute. Okay, so we. Letting go clearly creates more joy and laughter, which we're having a good time with. But the compounding effects that we've talked about so much before in other podcasts, I think this is a really sneaky son of a gun that can, like letting go of like little things. Sometimes it's a big theme, sometimes it's a bunch of little themes. And these little themes compound and then all of a sudden you're just a freaking craz maniac of stress and stress to inflammation. It's a huge component of your health and reduction of stress and the compounding effects of that, which therefore if you can get rid of that, you have a lot more aliveness and a lot more increased happiness and joy and excitement. But one thing I like to think about to toss back at you is the practice of doing this self awareness practice of having to, to look and catch yourself in the moment, right? And just being able to be like, oh no, I. I don't need to do that. I got diverted. That's cool, I'm gonna go do this. And to be able to not go down that rabbit hole, that's what I think is badass. Like just that deep self reflection, that introspection and just the ability to pivot and that creates that flexibility. Because I really think that not letting go makes us very inflexible, very rigid, very belligerent and not happy peoples.

Yeah, yeah, it definitely does. We start getting into that fixed mindset growth, mindset process, but also that constant consistent self awareness of stopping and really asking and reflecting. What is it that I'm trying to accomplish here? Where is this really coming from? Where am I operating out of? What belief system am I trying to either disprove or reinforce? You did a quote, but I have one too this time.

Oh, go. Go for it. I love, I love quotes. You can't have too many quotes.

Eckhart Tolle says worry pretends to be necessary, but serves no useful purpose.

That's good.

So it's just worry pretending to be necessity. I think it goes back to what we were talking about on making our lists. I remember when I was a Young mom or a new mom and kind of had switched from working on a job and a career to taking care of kids. There is this little time frame where you kind of feel like you just feel a little, like you just feel confused, worry, or then you realize like, okay, I've got this. And I don't know if you as a dad ever got to this stage, but most parents who were stay at home, focused parents, I, I got up this morning, I brushed my teeth, I put on pants, I drink my coffee. Oh, I made my coffee. And then I took drink my coffee, and then I took care of the kids and then I started some laundry. I remember making this list and having to check it off because I got to the end of my day kind of going like, I don't know what I did today. Pretty sure I didn't shower. And so we start making a list to say, okay, no, we did something. There's good that happened today. And here it is. Look what I did.

So, quick question was putting your pants on the list? Yeah. Well, I wanted to clarify that. Well, I'm glad you did that. Made the coffee and drank the coffee. It seems like a good, a good order.

But I just think that there's that balance of like, okay, there are some times in our lives where we need to prove to ourselves that we have done something worthy. But how about just like, if we didn't have the societal expectation of all these things that we had to prove that we did things that, look, I made it to the end of the day, my children are happy and alive and so am I. I mean, I'm at least alive and I could be happy about that. Like, maybe if we just let go of some of these, like, societal things that we have to pile up on ourselves to prove our worthiness and prove we matter and prove we're enough by, wow, look what I can do. Maybe we'll have a little less stress in life in general.

Yeah, no, it's very interesting. So I grew up in Missouri and I definitely like, started working when I was young and I worked like hard jobs, like construction jobs and like roofing jobs and, and, and, and was always taught, you know, that you had to work hard and, and so forth. But I was kind of, you know, grew up in a household where my mom, like, I had a lot of stepdads over the years. That's all I'm going to say. I probably already told other this before, but I had a lot, a lot of the stepdads. And when I say a lot, I mean A lot. A lot of stepdads. And you know, there was, there was foundation of not being able to rely on somebody that was kind of built from that. And so I also was a hard. I'm gonna say the F word a lot tonight. And I, I totally made some bad choices when I was younger, just like many, many trouble teens did. I wasn't super troubled, but I was enough troubled. And. And so I hit a point where I just felt like a failure and I couldn't rely on anybody. And da da da, da da. And so I created this, this thing right, where I, I was gonna go after it and like build value for myself, for myself. And I had my little saying, like I think I mentioned before that I'm not done yet. So anytime I did something good, that was the exact. That was exactly what my follow through was. And so I built this whole thing about driving value for myself. But I also fell in love with the things that I was doing and just following kind of my omens and stuff. So there's like a balance of like. I don't want to put it.

Love it.

Right. I really do love everything. I do. But at the same time I can see and feel its roots and how it kind of has fed me, you know, over the years. But definitely I also see the imbalance of where it has been hindering me in other ways. And so the question, you know, from talking about that that I ask everybody is, you know, what does the energy that. What is the energy of holding on that you're holding on to? How does it serve you versus the energy you're holding to hinder you? Yeah, I do think that's important.

Yeah. And there's always, there's always something we're getting and that's like, you know, I don't love that the term this, you know, let go of what doesn't serve you. But I get it. I get where it's coming from. I get the original intent and all of our habits. Give us something. And like I said earlier, you're looking. We're either. We're making choices that either disprove or reinforce a belief, or no matter what we do, it's a. We're doing choices and making choices and taking action on things that reinforce a belief. Whether it's a new belief we're picking to believe and reconditioning our brain, or it's an old story that was told to us and. Or there's a protection mechanism in there that our body and nervous system are reminding us that, oh, that you may have gotten hurt by by doing something like this before. We're not going to do that anymore. So you know, keep yourself in this type of situation and you're just reinforcing a protection mechanism, a limiting belief and those are all everybody has them. First of all, I don't care where you came from, what your life was like, how hard it was, how good it was, how great your parents were, how messed up your parents were, how wealthy you were, how poor you were, every single human born.

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Come play today Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. On this earth is having to deal and maybe in Mars are having to deal with this or whatever other planets are coming to visit us these days, I don't know but I really believe we are all, we all have some sort of belief process that we have to overcome to reach a higher level of being ourself, our truer self and letting go of the expectations that we set every day that society sets that we think we have to do to prove that we matter. Letting go of like you're talking about like your past labels and belief systems that we were taught indirectly or directly like picking what we want to believe. Because I came from a background too that had some struggles that I said you know what I'm going to, I'm going to look at maybe if there's a different way to do some things. And I would find lots of books and examples of inspiring people whether that was a neighbor, a friend's parents or a singer. And I would pay attention to the things that I saw that I wanted to have more of in my life and my belief system. And I focused on those things and I sought those things out in life outside of what I was being shown within my family context. But that was that choice of there's this one way of doing something I think there may be Another way of doing it and then finding it and letting go of the stories that we were shown or told or adopted and in our past.

The beautiful thing about everything you just said, first of all, is a. The one thing. Because I'm looking at. I'm thinking about all this and just looking at it, about the. Where. Where's. Because, like, guilt is good, right? To some degree. Like, I want my kid to be guilty when he does something, feel guilty when he does something bad, because I want to know he's consciously aware that it was a bad thing to do. Right.

And.

And that helps kind of check some balances. But, like, everything you were just talking about was a. You processed it. You were processing it. You were taking it through a series of things to completion. So I think that, you know, if we have. Whether a sense of not deserving or not good enough, when you're a kid or a young adult or whatever it is, and you put that through a process and you're working it and you're moving it through, then it fueled a fire. It did something good. But if it's unresolved and just stagnant, or if there's a feeling of guilt that's been going on for 30 years and it's unresolved and it's stagnant, there hasn't been some sort of action or ignition or, you know, something that has taken it through a process to. To be turned into something else or to be, you know, as another sort of fuel or to be resolved or to. To overcome and move into the next level or the evolution of it, then that's, I think, where it can become really unhealthy.

Yeah. And that anger and bitterness and shame that. That gets built up around those. It's as simple as, you know, I. Driving down from the mountains today, there was a guy who was trapped in traffic behind me, and he was losing his mind. I mean, he. No, like, I don't know, a couple hundred people would. Had to get over for this guy to be able to drive the way he wanted to drive. And so it was pretty unrealistic. And I just watched him and initially started to get, you know, engaged with that and then thought, no, I'm just going to turn on my music and laugh at the guy or just have fun and just do my own thing. But it. I just. If he could have taken a breath and gone, okay, I lost my crap for a second. I'm probably not happy about sitting here in traffic, but me losing my mind and yelling at the person in front of Me, who literally can't go anywhere either is not fixing the problem. Like, can you just let go of that anger and realize there's like a couple other hundred people stuck in your same situation? What makes you the special one here? First of all. But let it go and just like, hey, okay, I'm not going to change this situation. I am not in control of the 200 and something cars in front of me. There probably is a problem caused this issue in the first place. I'm going to turn on some music and just like let it go for a second. Let's let it go. You're where you are and you don't have control of that.

Let it go. Let it go. So you're the. The word. The thing I was thinking about is the resilience.

The.

His resilience is pretty crappy. He has crappy resilience. He's like a inflexible tree.

At least in that moment.

Yeah. And probably that's a reflection of most of that person's life and that's judging a little bit. But I think that, you know, I always think you can really see somebody's true nature when they're under stress. And if a little bit of stress causes that true nature. And of course we don't know what all happened in that person's day.

Right.

But I think, I think a little stress can activate somebody's true nature of where they are. And not true true. ECKHART Tolle True. Because we all have a truer nature but the truer condition nature. If you can follow me on that. And so. So again, kudos. Good job. Good job. Amy.

I just caught that sticker. Thanks for doing it in my face.

Sorry about that. So I think that again the practice, the practice of letting go, the self awareness to ability to see it and the continued practice really helps us become more resilient human beings. Which again reflects outwardly to the world in a very positive way. Because we need people in this planet to be resilient. We need them to be flexible. We need everybody to let go of their shizniks. We can be in a happier place.

Yeah. And I think just in the space of working with people on a regular basis, I have seen, really. And I'm not defending the guy in the car behind me, but I am a little bit because my first thought was, what a jerk. Like what is his problem? Like really, don't come at me. I'm not some helpless girl. I will tell you where it is. Don't make me pull this car over but it went away.

You're gonna sick toppy on him.

Yeah. And yes, please approach my car. No. Anyway, I just want to say I do realize like letting kindness and I just had to let it go. I had to go. All right. I don't know what's happening in this guy's life. Like, maybe he's had just one, what I call gnats, like these little things that stack up in your life. Just like over. It could be in a day, it could be over days. This undercurrent of stress and he's just lost it. Like that was the final straw. Right. And maybe he's not always awful and terrible. He could have been a very kind person who's just having a really bad session in his world at the moment. And I try to keep, keep that in mind because I've certainly lost my crap. I. I've done things where I've kind of like, oh, why? Where did that just come from? Oh, and like, I need to maybe take a little self assessment of what's going on in the deep here because it's not my, it's not my character to fly off the handle like that, but I certainly have, I've certainly lost my, my crap on people.

So here's the question. Do you feel like you carried him throughout your day after that experience?

Like that only until now? No, I, like, that's why I was like, no, I'm not gonna. I will have compassion with this guy for this guy. I'll have empathy because I've probably been there and I'm going to turn my music and just let him do his thing. I don't need to engage with him. I don't need to look at him. I just sing and dance my way through traffic.

I mean, I just want to say, first of all, I feel very blessed that we can even sit here and talk about this. And, and I know we are in a. An amazing place compared to other countries right now who are going through the most horrific stuff that can't have conversations like this. And.

Yeah.

And even come close to thinking about that. So I just want to just let you know I'm grateful for you to have this conversation and I'm grateful that we, you know, we're, we're so micro detailed of where we are right now because we don't have to worry about some of the other stuff that some other people do right now. And we have the luxury of, of digging deep and working on ourselves versus just survival. So, yeah, I don't know where that came from.

But I just wanted to a gratitude for man, there's a lot of people in the world would be happy to be stuck in traffic in our country right now. But letting go, you know, we've talked about it being, you know, letting go of our expectations, letting go of our past and limiting beliefs and choosing what you want to believe and working on that. Letting go of anger and bitterness, having compassion and understanding. And I think anger and bitterness, you know, there's another little saying that when someone disrespects you, be aware of the impulse to win their respect for disrespect is not a valuation of your worth, but a signal of their character. So basically, you know, how somebody's treating you isn't a reflection of you, it's a reflection of their self worth usually and what they're going through. And that kind of does help. Again, same thing with the guy in the car. But like that's not a reflection on me. Like I don't need to take it personal. I wasn't a bad driver, I wasn't doing anything wrong. And so you know, I had to say that's him, you know. And we can also say the letting go is, you know, of, of like past relationships and letting go of the expectation or the even things that were done wrong. Like and God bless your mother for trying so hard. Okay. At least she never gave up. She kept, she kept trying for love. Okay.

She really did. I'm gonna give her cheers. She taught me to, she taught me never to quit.

Yeah. And you know, I've gone through a couple of relationships myself and you know, we're all just learning and we learn a lot through it and I think.

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Q U-E-S-T.com Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. You can Let go of a past relationship and assess the person as a whole without your involvement. Right. So I'm actually friends with several of my ex boyfriends, I guess you would call them, men that I've dated and I'm friends with them and it's, you know, I know there's this thing about, oh, you can't be friends with your ex. I think that's nonsense. I think it depends on the emotional maturity, the connection and the thought process around it and the clarity of who you are and what you want and who they are and what they want and then not holding grudges that you did not show up for each other the way the other one wanted. You know, let go of that requirement. I can let go of any hurt or anger that maybe an ex relationship chose to behave in a way. Right. But, and I can let that process go and I can have compassionate empathy for a person trying to figure out their stuff. But I don't have, I don't have to always like that person either. Like, you know, there are people that I've had in my life that I choose not to engage with because their personality and their ultimate choices are not in alignment with who I am as a person and where my life is going and what, what I want in my life. Right. But I'm not going to, I'm not going to spend my energy and my thoughts and my space. I'm just not going to give anybody my mental emotional space to be angry that they did not treat me the way I wanted them or the way I think I should have been treated. I am, I'm going to say that's, I'm going to hold that boundary of, well, that doesn't work for me and you can let those things go. Now I know the longer relationships, you know, obviously I was married to my, my, my only, my only person I was married to and that's a different process. We were married for, we were together for. And you know, walking away and getting out of that relationship was not an easy decision by any means. We have very good relationship now, but you can let go of what we want other people to show up as. And that can be any relationship, whether it's romantic or family or co worker or just friend, friends, like we can't love it. Expect everybody to be what we want them to be. You know, and I've, I've adopted a lot in the last couple of years, particularly that I can be disappointed, but I will not be hurt and I will not be hurt because I set up my own Boundaries first, you know, and I let go of the requirements, the expectations and the anger that I have in somebody not doing something the way I wanted them to.

Yeah, that's a, that's a tough balance neck. It's hard to let go of relationships and people in your life. But the expectations that can be, that's a, I think a challenging one for, for you know, intimate relationships to co workers, to whatever. It's like, where's that line of like here's my expected, my expectations or requirements for. And then like, you know, it's, it's interesting and I, I, I know that very well. Having a family and kids and stuff like that. Even with like my young ones, I'm like, okay, now this is, this is the way, this is what I expect from you. I'm like, oh well you're 13, so I'm gonna water that down by 50%. But that's all you're getting. No, I'm just kidding. But it's, it's an interesting, like, you know, where's that, where do you draw that imaginary line in relationships and, and stuff? It's a, you know, again, you have to be a ninja for some of that.

Well, and it goes back to that, that self awareness and clarity because I think we, there's a whole thing that was going around and it still is like not having any expectations. Just, oh no, just accept everything that is. And you know, I saw a lot of people really using that as a way of having no responsibility at all in a relationship and how they treated people. It's just nonsense. And you can have expectations, you just can't have uncommunicated. Is that the word? Non communicated expectations. We can have needs, we can have wants. We can have an idea of what we want our life and how we want to be treated and what our connection is and what our love language is. We can have that is an expectation. Like if I go out on a date, I expect not to be. You know, this sounds very, this, I, this sounds very harsh now that I'm saying it in public, but I've said it to my friends. Like I have some expectations of how not to be treated, first of all. And that is an expectation. Expect to be a leave and you know, a date alive. And so, you know, I, there are expectations and it's silly to tell ourselves that we don't have expectations. But within the context of deeper friendships and romantic relationships, the problem is, is when you have an expectation that you want somebody to live up to that you don't communicate to Them you want. I don't care how smart somebody is or how soulfully you're connected, they cannot read your mind.

Especially a guy. We can't read minds. We're really mad at it. You know how to say you never see any guy like intuitives, and I'm just joking, but like all the, all the ones I typically know, like that people like clients are like, oh my God, I went and saw my, my intuitive. Or, you know, so it's always a female. It's because we, we've got none of that. We can't read minds. I think, and I'm being sarcastic, by the way, but.

Right. I think in a large majority, yes, I do think that there are men who are more intuitive and connected in that way. But I think overall, yeah, like people can't read your minds, but even women can't read men's mind. I mean, we usually can figure it out, but it's.

What am I thinking right? What am I thinking right now?

Amy, I am not going back to talk about your bucket. Bucket. Okay.

Come on. Damn it.

No, no, but I think getting really comfortable with knowing what you want, why you want it, why you're in a need for something. We're not needy for having feelings or having wants and needs, by the way, but when you put all of your wants and needs on a person, then you've got to let that go. But, you know, again, it's that clarity, self awareness, communication and letting go of some of these, some of the hard lines and the expectations that we have on our life, on ourself and on other people. I think when we are able to let those things go and not fight pushing so hard, I mean, there's one there, there is a fine line, right, of that expectation, working hard for something, being a little uncomfortable, leaning into the suck, whatever all the, you know, phrases are. Yes, there are going to be times where we have to work hard. Yes, there are going to be times where we bump up against something that's a little challenging. You're going to have to work extra for it. But if it's a constant resistance all the time and it is exhausting you, there may be something in there that you need to step back and get really clear with yourself about and honest with yourself about. Ask, ask what it's really giving you. Is it protecting you from something or is it pushing you forward? Something? Are you getting forward movement and growth? Is this benefiting you or the world or your family in some. Or is it just creating chaos and drama? And if you're getting that resistance. It's time to, you know, it's a message to, to slow down and, and, and take a pause and put down.

What you carry in.

That's right. Time to just take off the backpack, have a nice trail mix snack, and think about what's really happening.

I love it.

It, love it. So, hey, we, we have something kind of exciting coming up, speaking of self awareness and all that stuff. Right. And we have something exciting that we're going to be doing.

I think we do have something exciting that we're going to be doing. We're going to start talking about that right now.

Well, do we just want to, like, give a teaser?

A little teaser? Okay, a little teaser. There's something that's going to be happening. We're going to involve weeks of things.

Yeah. We're going to do a little more interactive challenges and growth opportunities for the listeners. So our next few podcasts be staying tuned for that. I'm excited. Get some little interaction going.

Yeah, I think it's good. We're going to ask lots of fun questions that you have to think about. Maybe there'll be some little homework assignments that are going to be amazing and maybe to turn into a competition. No, no competition.

Competition. We want those lists, people.

Yeah, no, I'm excited about this. I, I think it's going to be great to, to be a little more interactive with some of our listeners. And so we do need to put some things in place for you guys so we can have some good communication with you. And we're going to give you some amazing deliverables.

Yeah. We're going to give some, some free tools and handy dandy opportunities for, for growth and reflection.

And Amy's going to do a whole podcast just on a video so you can see Amy live on a podcast. How do you like that, Amy?

Okay, thanks. Yeah. All right.

Can I throw one more thing out before we wrap it up?

Sure.

Just one more quick thing. So obviously there's a lot of things to, you know, to look in your life and kind of ponder and where might be some areas of opportunity to let go. And I think one that holds as a driving force for so many of the other things is fear. And I know we could talk about that forever, but I think, you know, if you have some resistance and it's that resistance has some anxiety, and that anxiety has some, you know, X, Y and Z, whatever it is for you, you know, is there a fear that's driving that? And what is that fear? And what would happen if you stepped into that what would happen if it didn't work out? What would happen if it worked out. So again, putting, putting it into perspective, having a little more clarity about it and kind of letting go of the fear around some of the stuff that's holding us back and not allowing us to move forward. Because, you know, at the end of the day, if you want to have improved health, let it go. If you want to have reduced stress, Amy, what do you got to do?

Let it go. Let it go.

You want increased happiness? What do you got to do? Let it go.

Go skiing.

You want improved relationships? Let it go. You want to increase resilience, Amy, Go skiing.

I mean, let it go.

Let it go. Do a greater peace of mind. Amy, what do you got to do?

I mean, let it go. All right. Spring skiing is the best. I'm so. No, I just, I appreciate that you said that because it is kind of the foundation of. Of resistance and that buildup of stress is that it's usually based off of a fear of some sort that need to control. So I think just tying it back to recognizing that way of getting self clarity and looking at where it's really coming from and that what are you afraid of? And I love that you said that. Looking at the worst case scenario, Tim Ferriss does a great process where he talks about that and says, write down the worst case scenario, like, what is the worst thing that could possibly happen? And what could you do if that were to happen? And you know, and how. What can you do to prevent it? So that kind of takes back to that space of control, but within realism, realistic, a realistic aspect. So if you're afraid, if you come up with something you're afraid of, don't be afraid of diving into that space and seeking that out so you can wet.

Let it go.

You're so much better.

Move it to the. Move it to the bucket.

So much better at it. You're awesome, Brian. I love you.

You're awesome. Love you too, Amy. Love you guys. And again, thanks for taking the time to spend this 45ish. 50ish, 55ish minutes with us. I don't know what it is, but we appreciate you. And the great news I just want to share with everybody is we have had more listeners download us and it really is, I gotta tell you, like, one of the most exciting things just to see that people are more active and coming back and listening to our podcast. So it means a lot to us. You know, we do this for the joy of it and to spread health and wellness. And to get everybody to explore and get more curious with all things that are good for you. So we appreciate you. If you could pre Please, please, please download every possible episode there is. Share those links with your friends and family. That's the only thing we ask. And it's hard for me to ask anybody for anything. But I'm asking. I'm asking now because I'm letting it go. I'm letting my fear of asking go.

Yep. Good job.

All right.

Good job. All right.

Goodbye everybody.

Good night. Hey friends, thank you for tuning in to the All Things Good for you podcast. Please note any information, experiences, ideas or opinions discussed today are for educational and thought provoking purposes only and not intended as medical advice. If anything piqued your curiosity, please consult with your doctor or personal medical professional. And if you're enjoying all things good for your podcast, hop on over and leave us a five star review so we can continue delving in and providing great content. Thanks again and we hope you're inspired to stay informed and responsible along your health and wellness journey.

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