EP 62 Self Response

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Hey friends, it's Amy here. I just wanted to jump in before you listen to this podcast. For any of those of you who might have little ears, little sensitive ears listening, just a heads up that there is adult content and language in this podcast and then also for anyone who may have had any personal physical trauma experienced in your life, we want to be sensitive to to the shock that can still be there even when we're healing from those wounds. We do talk a little bit about a difficult topic later in the podcast that may be uncomfortable and just be prepared for that topic coming up. And if you are suffering from something that is painful or if this podcast brings up something for you that is hurtful to and painful, we do hope and encourage you to talk with somebody if you're still feeling heavy hard feelings from something, that's usually an indication that you're still working through that healing process and you may still have some scars that that could be helped. So we encourage you to talk with a medical professional or work with a therapist and we send out love to hey friends, thank you for listening to the All Things Good 4U podcast. Join us as we explore ancient traditions, modern tools and practices in the world of health, wellness and personal development. I'm Amy Christensen, your host and your curated mind coach.

And I'm your co host Brian Bowen, founder of Integrative Health Inc. And Better Human Company High Performance Coaching. Are you ready to take control of your life and start feeling enthusiastic, empowered and limitless each and every day for a life well lived, Let your curiosity flow with all things good for you. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning.

Oh hello Brian. Good morning.

Hello. How are you today?

I am very good, very busy, full. I like the saying of when life feels overwhelming, it's because everything you've prayed for or worked for is coming true. It's coming to fruition. I'm feeling that this week which is very good.

But yeah, it's a good yummy energy.

Yeah, it is. It's I we life gets busy when you and full and when you're doing all the things. But I have a little vacation coming up. A little four day getaway coming up in 1st of December. Excited about so it makes it all.

A ski vacation or.

Oh, it's not. But thank goodness ski season is among us or upon us. It's a. Okay. I. Well, it's just a little celebration. I have a good client that became a good friend and they moved back to San Diego. And this happens to be the one year kind of anniversary from when we went to the coaching summit last year at the beginning of December in California and set some really big goals and some expectations of myself and some requirements and some pushing and some push the comfort zones. And I've achieved those. This is a nice. Just little recognition of that achievement. And then also I've made a commitment to myself a few years ago that I will be on a beach twice a year. So this will be my second time on a beach this year.

Oh, awesome. Hey, are you gonna go visit who I think you're gonna go visit then.

Starts with an S. Yes.

Okay.

Yes. I'm so excited. Oh, I love her.

I said hi.

I will. I love her and adore her and her husband. And we're gonna go drink wine and have a good time.

So that's awesome.

Yeah. And I might get to go see my primal coaching crew as well, because they're based out of there. So I'm hoping to give them a little shout out and. And say hello to them, my lovely group of people that are becoming like family.

Very good. Congratulations. I'm very proud of you. I know that there's a lot of challenges and things like that, some hard things to You've had to get through in your life and to get you to where you are. And so I'm very proud of you for taking charge of those and pushing through those challenges and owning them and having the growth that you've had.

Yes. Thank you. I. I could look back at a lot of the things that have happened over the last my whole life, but who couldn't? But I recently had a friend was like, I know Amy. She doesn't shy away from a challenge. I actually. She was very nice because she was. She was like, I actually. I don't think you seek out challenges, but you certainly shine through them. And that was a wonderful little compliment. And I appreciated that because we can't really help. Life is not fair. I don't care where you are in life. We've certainly some people have more, maybe good things that pop over or just situations where they end up in a better place, but it doesn't mean that you're not still met with the same stresses and heartbreaks and frustrations. And fears and disappointments and all the things that happen in life. And it can be at any level, at any place in life, when you confront these things or these things confront you, I should say. And how do you deal with those? How do you deal with. Go forward? And how do you look at something when it happens that's a challenge or that's disappointing or hurtful? And that's the topic of today, Brian.

That's a great topic. Yeah, I know it feels like sometimes in life when you get steamrolled with some hard stuff, it's to not get stuck in a role. And I hate to always say that, victim role, but I remember one time and in my life when I was younger and I was trying to break some patterns and break some breakthrough, some challenges that I had literally staged because they were ultimately on me and make decisions that put me in some of those situations. And it just felt like trying to break out of that, trying to break through. It was just one. This horrific thing kept happening after another. It felt like I just remember even thinking to myself, I'm just rolling with the punches of life. Rolling with the punches of life. I can take it. I can take a beating, but I'm going to get back up. And it was a weird. It served me for a minute, but then it was like I realized, wait, no, I have control of this, right? Like, I don't have to take a beating. I don't have to keep rolling with the punches. So even though it created some resilience for me for a minute, it was not the place to be for growth. And then finally I was like, wait, I'm not going to keep telling myself that I don't have to. To take any of these punches anymore. I don't have to do this. I have control. I have control over the direction and the way I think about this. Not just even the decisions I make, but the way I'm interpreting things, the way I'm looking at it and seeing it. And once I flipped that switch, it was a huge thing. So it's just not just taking control of your decisions and pushing through the hard stuff or taking ownership of it, but also just the way we think about it and interpret it. There's so many layers to this.

Oh, there's so many layers and all of it. And I love that. The whole thing of taking punches. Yeah, I think that there's a space for that. Right? The resiliency. Right. Understanding that, man, something's hard, but that's okay. I can get through this and you can push, and you can push and you can push, but also you don't have to stay in there. And I think that when you start to see this cycle of unfortunate circumstances and self abuse in your life, it's like, what boundary am I not protecting? Or what. What deeper thinking is happening for me? Because I think I don't love the statement of, oh, how do I say this without being a jerk?

If you are, I'll let you know.

Amy okay, I don't really appreciate the whole thing of you attract everything in your life that happens to you like that in. In a sense of you're responsible for somebody else's behavior patterns. And that was presented to me at one point and it was not in a good space to say that in that way to me. And I really locked down and took that deeper than I should have. And when I reflect back on that, I look at maybe what was being tried. What that person was trying to say was there is an element of who we are and where we are in life and maybe where we want to be that brings us into an element or a space that gives us a choice. We can have a choice to accept where we are and what we're getting, or we can use that scenario as a way to go. This is revealing something that I need to that I don't want or that I want to shed and I want to grow from. I don't know if that makes sense without giving a bunch of specifics, but I do agree with this space of I think we're always trying to bring out a deeper self of sense, our deeper sense of self and our consciousness isn't always aware of what that subconscious space is. And I believe when we're really big on the inside and we are crushing that down on the physical side of ourselves or the mental side of ourselves, the outside of ourselves, we will purposely bump into things that give us the.

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Scrape away and chisel out the nonsense so that we can get to that better, bigger self. Does that make sense? Am I saying something that makes sense to anybody else in the world?

It makes sense to me at least. I don't know. I don't know about everybody else, but no. Okay, I get what you're laying down.

Just one person. That's all I need.

That's right. It's all starts with one. Starts with one. Yeah. I think that as it talk about personal challenges and owning them and growing from them and just making sure we do realize we are the captain of our own ship. I just think that we have to one thing to think about is what is our ship. And sometimes we think about it as like circumstances. I have control of this situation.

Right.

But it's the. Some of the other components that are more than just that is our thoughts, our behaviors, our actions, all the things leading up to that situation. Situation and circumstance. And also in that circumstance. I think sometimes, certainly in my life, there's times where it's just on the surface. I'm like, oh, why is this happening to me? Or how did I. What is happening here? Why did this happen? And I just think about the circumstance itself. And I sometimes didn't spend the time thinking about, wait a second, what was like, how did I get here? What were my thoughts, what were my behaviors, what were my actions? Oh, and then you look at it, you're like, clearly I could see I could have made a different choice in these actions, right. That. That got me here. I could have made some different choices in my behavior and I could have put a lot more different thought processes in place to. To navigate this differently. And when we take ownership of that, I think that we have to take ownership of all of it. And you can jump on a ship and just use the metaphor of a ship here, and you can go out into the seas and you are the captain of that ship and you don't have control necessarily over the waves that are going to come at you and the weather patterns that are going to change. But you do have opportunities and time to make a decision and look at what those weather patterns are going to be before you go out to sea. And then when you're going out to sea, circumstances are going to be thrown at you, but you have still the control of making the choices. Do I accelerate? Do I de. Accelerate? Do I change direction a little bit? How do I encounter this wave? If I encounter it this way and this happens, what am I going to do next?

Yeah, where is your sales pointing?

Yeah, which way are your sales pointing? Do I drop the Sail. Do I turn my motor on?

Do I.

So there's still all of these little things. And I. And if we can do that and if we can own that amount of personal growth and empowerment that can come from that and also forgiveness, things you've done in your past, because that's a huge thing to be able to know that and be like, yeah, I owned this. And I. That circumstance was clearly something I could have done different. And I had control more than I thought I did. And now I'm just going to let go of it because moving forward, this is my. I got control. I got some shiznik over this, even though it doesn't necessarily always feel like it.

Yeah. And I. The book, as a man thinketh, is a fabulous book. And I won't quote it specifically, but. Or exactly, but I'll paraphrase a little bit, but he. In there, it says. He says that we're buff man believes that you're buffered by your circumstances. And as long as you believe that you are created by your outside circumstances, you're always going to live in chaos and bumping along the waves and flowing wherever you don't have. It's like, you know, to take back your ship. Ship analogy and sailing, it's like being in a big storm without. With no rudder and no sails and you're just hopelessly bouncing along. When you think that when you give your agency your power over to the outside circumstances where if you recognize that you can take control and how you decide what is happening to you and how you decide to respond, that's when you take back the rudder and the wheel and the sails and whatnot. Takes you from that victim space to a victor space. Right. Become the victor of your story. Yeah.

If you decide to go out to sea in the first place without a rudder in sails, clearly you've made some poor decisions.

I think people do that in Life. I think 100% that, yeah, there are a lot of people who are just aimlessly bouncing along and letting life happen to them instead of helping design their life and recognizing that they're here in their life. And you're responsible for your life. You're responsible for your circumstances. You're. You're responsible for how you interact with circumstances. Right. Because. And I think back to what I was saying on that space, where it's something within you. And that's one of my favorite sayings. Right. If it's within you, it's for you. And that's not just the good and happy stuff, it's the angry Stuff, it's the bad stuff, the negative stuff. It's still for you. It's how is what is coming to the surface that's trying to sift and shed. I don't know that I want to use this word, but how do you evolve? How do you grow from hard things and negative things? Even the feelings of anger and frustration and disappointment can help you be a better you and get to a deeper space in you that's calling out like. I don't know how to say it other than to just be. If you're unhappy or frustrated with something, I think that there's a resistance or a layering of something that is keeping you from really being in alignment with what your heart really wants. So living in that harmonized space between this deeper ache within yourself, this deeper voice within yourself and how you go about getting that is how you interact with that is your character and how you want to interact in the world. But every thought or anger or frustration or disappointment is giving you a message of something that you want deeper within yourself and that you're wanting to shed out of life. We did that podcast on anger and my, my. One of my points in that conversation was anger is not a bad thing. Anger is a signal that something is not aligning to what your expectations or your thoughts are, which one needs to shift the things that are happening, what you're allowing or your perspective of your expectations. Right. And everybody always talks about expectations being a bad thing, but that's pretty, I don't think realistic. But stopping and having that awareness of something is not congruent with what I'm wanting from life. Why is that? What is my responsibility in that space?

Yeah, I think that's great because I think a lot of times our experiences in life, that becomes our identity versus us creating the experiences in life. Right. What is our true authenticity? And of course, they are a part of us, but we have to learn from them and grow and not just, again, let those kind of rule and become our identity, especially when they're something that is not helping you grow or evolve and holding you back and holding you down. And that's. It's a. Can be an easy place to. To get to. And that's why I love stories of people really overcoming all the odds. Like there are amazing people out there that have everything going against them. The country they grew up in, the culture, the economic status, war, all this stuff. And somehow some people just don't absorb any of that. That's not who they are. And it's part of their story. But they overcome all these odds and they take control and turn their life experience and who they are and all this stuff into this amazing thing that beats all odds. And then there's some people out there that certainly have some struggles and some hardships and they never take control of those and overcome those and it becomes their identity and then they are in that state for the rest of their life. And I know people dear to me that are more of, again, I hate to say the word victim mentality, but it's like that language in their head of just taking the punches a little bit. Oh, this just always happens. I can never get ahead. It's always as soon as I start to get ahead, I'm set back and there's all these external things that are setting them back. It's like the world, the world is against them, God's against them, whatever the universe is against them. It just, they just one step forward, two step back. And maybe they haven't had nearly the extreme situations that some of these other people have had. And so it's like, what, what is that? How does one that has had way more life threatening challenges and, and just horrific stuff like just step over that? Like where does that mental fortitude come to? Where does that inner strength come from? Or where does that aha, awareness, like how did that pop for them to be like, oh no, yeah, this is horrible. I'm getting out of here, I'm changing this. I got control. This I can, I'm just rambling on now, but oh yeah, know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I know what you're saying. I see what you're laying down and I think it's interesting to look at it like the victim mentality can be seen as this weak and helpless, but it also looks like hard and controlling and angry and resentful. So you can be in that victim mentality without being just this helpless woe was me person. You're still going to be playing the victim. When you deal with things in anger and resentment and bitterness and I like the idea of it's not so much, okay, the whole thing of life is happening to you or life is happening for you and that kind of doesn't hit well when you're in it, right? When you're in the suck of something, it's really hard to hear that. And life is hard. Life is not fair. And you can choose to go through it with anger and bitterness and resentfulness and try to be a vengeful, angry person. But where does that really get you in Life. You might feel like in some level you're protecting yourself, but you're probably not. You're probably really hindering your true happiness. I think you have to build this space of. We say this a lot. How do you want to show up for the success of your day? But how do you also want to show up in times of disappointment and frustration or when you're being hurt or if you've lost the job or if you've got the mean boss or all the things that we can put onto ourself? Is it the world working against you? Is your boss hating you? Is it all you? Or is it this is just the atmosphere of the world sometimes? And I can pivot and choose how I want to show up and who I want to be and how I want to let this. This thing cook me. Am I going to be the carrot or the egg in that situation? Or the coffee? I don't know.

Did you say the parrot? The parrot or the egg or the parent and the egg.

I think it's a carrot.

The whole thing of carrot or the.

Boiling water is life. And you can either be a carrot or an egg and you either come out as this soft, mushy thing, which. Carrots are great and they're really sweet and wonderful, but you can come out as a soft, squishy thing or you come out as this transformed thing that's got a harder shell, but on the inside it's actually transformed itself into something wonderful. It's the egg. Okay.

Okay. I've never. No, I've not heard that one before. I'm learning. Learning new things today, you know, but.

It'S that place of. You really do have to stop and say, okay. There are some situations that we bring upon ourselves. Maybe we do it subconsciously. We put ourselves in a situation, a situation we brush up against something for friction to push ourselves to that deeper light and evolved. Greater. Greaterness.

Greaterness.

There you go. I like it. That greaterness that's waiting inside of you.

It's right there. Waiting.

Yeah. Do we purposely put ourselves in this scenario or situation to push ourselves to release what's waiting inside of us? Not to sound too corny, but I do think that's a part of it. But sometimes, yes. Where there are just sucky situations. They're just unfortunate people who don't respect you or don't understand who they are. They don't know how to live with self responsibility and self agency. And so they're going to inflict ugliness into your life. Maybe there are people out here have a nasty, manipulative, irresponsible, immature boss. That's not you, Brian. That's that causes havoc on everybody's life. And you can't just quit your job right away. I there you can. I think there's the limit in thinking of I have to stay in this job. There's the whole process there. But sometimes you are in situations that are not quickly, easily readily resolved and you have to decide how much ownership do you take of somebody else's poor self management.

That's why I totally, I 100 agree. And that's why I think that when you are somebody who 100% takes ownership of your personal, of your thoughts, your actions, your behaviors and you know that you are the captain of that ship, you're the director of your show and you take some personal responsibility of it, I feel like you are somebody who tends to not have as much of that continue or to be around people like that because your skills, your awareness, your mindfulness develops this other layer, this higher self that then also you don't end up putting yourself in situations where you're around those people. You've met plenty of people who are in that other situation that we talked about who don't take control of it and that there's always something in life there can point a finger at or something. You just continue to put yourself in these situations that they also tend to be around or have more friends or be in that workplace where they constantly complain about it and that way people are treating them and stuff like that. So I think that layer of ownership and cultivating those skills also puts you in a position where you just tend not to be around as many people or situations like that because of your mindfulness and who you've become.

Yeah, no, absolutely. And your circumstance. You are the shaper of your environment.

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Right. I think that, I think what I'm saying there is the circumstances. Your circumstances aren't happening to you. I think sometimes our circumstances are giving us an opportunity. They're revealing ourselves to us. They're revealing an opportunity for us to see who we really are, who we want to be. And when you rise out of a behavior pattern or playing into or being a part of, or being manipulated or being lied to, when we elevate ourselves, the people who don't align with that process are going to fall away from our circle. And there's a whole thing about boundaries. When you change your boundaries, it can make people angry. But those are usually the people who were benefiting from the lack of boundaries that you were having. And they're not, they're not going to like it when you change and say no to them or when their manipulation or unhealthy patterns don't get them what they're looking for. When the primal question, the way we approach this is there's everybody has this need that they're looking to get a yes for. And when they're not getting a yes, they're going to enter into the scramble, this unhealthy patterns of ways to get a yes to their primal question. And that can be through even manipulation. And so looking at how maybe you're doing that, but also recognizing when you're dealing with other people and other situations that they're. If it's a manipulative and quote unquote toxic, it's not healthy, if it's not where you want to be, if it's not giving you growth and goodness, when you cut those ties, when you build those boundaries, when you stop participating in that, you are going to shift and sift people out of your life 100%.

Yep.

And it allows you to not have anger and bitterness like we cannot control. And we can't control what somebody else is choosing. Obviously that is challenging. When it's a significant relationship or a marriage or a long time job where you're heavily responsible, it's hard to just say, I'm gonna, I'm gonna come over and do this. And if that means you're no longer a part of that, we're gonna cut those ties and we're not gonna have that interaction or connection or relationship. Hopefully not the end of marriage. I know that does happen. But you do have to be prepared for that space of letting something go and not forcing a control and trying to push an outcome for anyone else except for yourself. And that's not to be mean or do it with callousness or be light and fluffy about any kind of commitments, not by any means, but definitely holding true to your continued growth. And releasing things of people and places or job scenarios that aren't going to grow with you.

Yep. I have this little. This swag right now that I'm using the whole term rise above.

Oh, yeah.

And so I just want to read the definition of it, but before I read the definition, to get to this place of this definition requires everything you just said and again, taking that ownership. Right. But rise above is a phrase that means to surpass or overcome a difficult situation, challenge or negative influences. It implies elevating oneself beyond the limitations or obstacles and reaching a higher level of understanding, understanding, resilience or achievement. It involves transcendent adversity, negativity or limitations, and striving for personal growth, success or positive outcomes. Rise above encourages individuals to maintain a positive mindset, rise above the challenges they face and attain a higher perspective or state of being. And I just love that. But again, all of that requires the foundation is some of those things you said and taking that ownership. Because you do have to thinking about that statement. There's things you're going to have to let go of. There's ownership. Ownership of again, your thoughts, your actions and your behaviors just keep coming back to that. You might have to change some of those. You might have to say what this pattern I've been thinking of is not supportive or not allowing me to grow. It's actually a declining thought versus a momentum thought or something that's moving me forward or it's keeping me stagnant. And so there's just that deeper layer of thinking of owning it in our circumstances.

Well, and you're. I love the rise above process. I love the whole thing. It reminds me of everything we're even really talking about today that I just clicked that. Then the philosophy in the poem by Maya Angelou. She's basically. I love the quote by her that stand up straight and realize who you are, that you tower over your circumstances.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Love that, love that. And you do. You tower over your circumstances and goodness gracious. We look at some of the things. That's gracious. Don't get my Southernness out. I'll start saying, God bless you. Goodness gracious. Bless your heart. My mom. Mom used to always say, oh, heavens. Oh, for heaven's sake. Oh, my heavens. Like it was. I loved that phrase that she would say, but you knew something was up when she said, that's hilarious. Anyway, I think, goodness gracious. We can look at. There are things that people have had to endure and entire cultures and entire genders and people who've really had to suffer horrible things still that are doing right now. And how do you talk to that in those spaces? I. It's, it's one thing to talk about a hard job or failing a class or not getting the job you wanted or a broken relationship or even a divorce, as hard as those are. When you talk about lots of life or you talk about atrocities perpetrated on you where you are truly a victim of something horrible, how do you talk through that in this scenario? Like, how do you walk through with someone or yourself when you can't even. It's hard to even verbalize how somebody was harmed by the behaviors and the choices of another person. And that's where you can't negate. You can't really explain why somebody has, how somebody has to take responsibility for someone else's actions. You're not taking responsibility for what somebody chose to do. You can only take responsibility for how you will let that interpret and reflect in your life. And I cannot speak to, I can speak to things being done to you that are horrible. I can speak to my stuff in my life. And I've certainly not had the. I can still look at those things and go, some other people probably even had it worse than I did. You can always find somebody who's worse. And I think that's guilt and shame. I think that shame, even in the space of victimness or shame over abuse, shame will keep you struggling in those spaces. But to what Maya Angelou says, stand up straight and realize who you are and tower over your circumstances. How many people have you had seen in life that has had atrocities done to them? And yet they became such inspirations and such leaders. And you don't have to go and change the world and become a world speaker, but you can take leadership and become a champion in your own life. It's the whole thing of the, the anger is the. What is it? The anger is the acid that rots its own bottle. And I think I'm maybe messing that phrase up a little bit. But when you have anger and bitterness and vengefulness, it's really just poisoning you. You can be angry or frustrated at about a scenario or situation and. But don't let it continue to keep you shackled and determining your worth and determining your behavior patterns and determining the thoughts that you have towards yourself and everyone else.

Yeah. And I just, I just want to say that every circumstances are relative and just for our listeners. We're, we're speaking in the vein of personal development, personal growth. Clearly there are circumstances that are, again, Relative on levels of how horrific. There's some things that are much deeper and greater where you know, you need some therapies and clearly that are just horrible. I don't know how to say it again, thinking about something, I was listening to this, this guy on Instagram not too long ago and he has some really cool stuff. But this one thing that popped up was him telling a story about a girl who was raped. And he said that he was talking to this girl and the thing that inspired him is that he was asking her. What we're talking about is where's she at with this as far as being a victim? And does she have a lot of anger and like, where's she at? And she basically said no, she's. She decided she just had to let it all go and move on because she didn't want it to put her in that state. And. But the way it came out, I was even shocked and stunned for a minute because I'm like, oh my God, you're telling her to. Basically she's taken some responsibility and she. Her responsibility though is for her to let it all go.

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It wasn't taking responsibility of this actions or da da da da. And it's still hard to process that. You know what I mean?

It just turns my stomach to even think about that. We will have to put a caveat into the beginning of the podcast that that's. Those are a hard topic that we bring up in the podcast because that is, that is far beyond our realm of what we deal with. And so it. And I'm sure that when she has to let it all go wasn't a flippant, easy process and it's probably a daily thing that she chooses to do.

And I think the point he was trying to make, even though now, this being said, it probably shouldn't have been done on an Instagram reel because you have a minute and 30 seconds to bring this point up. And so I think that the loud Part was the majority. And then the, the landing just didn't stick. And so that's why it was extra shocking. Is I think still the point that this person was trying to bring up is she still, she ended up taking back control of how it was going to affect the rest of her life. Like she basically was saying, my thoughts, my actions, my behavior, I'm not going to choose to go this direction with it. I'm choosing to go this direction with it. And so, you know, that I think is the direction he was heading. But when it came out there, I'm like, how can you say? Even I were shocked and stunned by it. And again, there's so much tragic, horrible things we don't even need to go into. The world's just filled with them. And again, it's relative, but relative experiences. And for, for us in this cushy, cushy Colorado, like, it doesn't mean that some of our situations or experiences, dots and stuff like that can't seem sucky and can't seem horrible. And it's just clearly relative to other things. It's not nearly as horrible. So it's. Yeah, we can't complain. I, I have a client of mine, this guy is amazing. He had a stroke, really pretty significant one where he has paralysis on his left leg and his left arm is pretty spastic and crazy. And the family, the son is just a troubled teen and not really helpful in the situation. And then his wife decided after he was recovering to leave him. And meanwhile I'm talking to this, telling you the story because this guy has just such a positive outlook and just, hey, I, I'm not gonna let this get me. Like I've made some of these choices, I could have done this or whatever. So wife, wife is leaving him. Then he has, I didn't see him for a bit. When he comes back, it turns out he had, he went to the hospital with stomach pain and he lifted up his shirt and he has a 6 inch incision and somehow his small intestine was inside of his large intestine. And so while they're doing the surgery for that, they found a tumor the size of a golf ball that happened to be cancerous. And now he's undergoing heavy chemotherapy. And so think about that, that this guy has a stroke, kids, just that phase of life where he's super challenging, not supportive, wife is leaving him, has a crazy rare medical condition. Then why he's getting that fixed, find out he has cancers and literally it's the first time I've seen him Shed a tear. And I know there's more stuff going inside, but it's still the conversation. Having him having with him is. I'm like, dude, I'm like you. I do not know how you are not just losing your mind right now. And he's. His language, his thoughts, his behaviors, his actions are choosing to, to see a different side of the coin, a different path. And it's just such a beautiful person and inner strength. And in that situation it's, it's just the resilience and I don't even understand.

Yeah, it's phenomenal and it's very inspiring. And you literally sound like you were talking about the story of Job from the Bible. And I was like, wow, that's a lot. And I can't even imagine. And when we're in the states that we're talking about, yes, we can remind ourselves of that. There are people who have life really hard. How hard is hard? And it doesn't also negate the daily stresses of normal, non traumatic life. There's still frustrations, there's still disappointments, there's still. How do you take responsibility for how you want to interpret and show up? And then how do you take responsibility for what you have allowed into your life, what you allow into your brain and your thinking process right now? Like, we're all going to face tough circumstances, we're all going to face death, we're all going to face pain and regret, probably betrayal at some point in some fashion. We're all going to face maybe people who don't know who they are. And so they show up and in a deceptive way and take advantage of your kindness, you're. We're all probably going to have that at some place in our life. And I. And if you look back at your life like how have you handled tough situations? How have you handled it when you've been hurt by something, you know, did you choose to be? Say, who did I become through that? How did I grow and evolve myself and my soul and who I am deeper from within myself in those situations? Have you just buried it? Are you just denying it? Are you just bouncing along the waves of this ocean and are you controlling your behavior pattern? It's truly the only thing we do have control of. You take every thought captive and you take what life has given you with the rises and the falls of the waves and show up in the way that you want. And look at how this scenario or whatever circumstance you're in can help you actually become even better than you are today.

Yeah. 100. I think there are some skills that need to be developed because it's easy to. I think it's easy for us to say just take ownership, take control of your life. And we have control over our thoughts, our behaviors or actions. And sometimes this is a. All things good for your podcast, right? We're talking about personal development right now. So I think emerging yourself in personal development is a huge thing, a skill to help you have mindfulness techniques and stuff like that to be able to support or bring some of these processes to life. Sometimes you might need more talk therapy approaches so a therapist can help unpack and understand some of those experiences. So certainly depending on the level of the relativeness of the situation, you might need more things like that. But going back to some earlier podcast and when we talked about reframing, right, Sometimes we have to realize we can reframe and change the narrative around your experiences and look at the opportunities and we learn from the negative things that have happened to allow for continued growth and start looking at some of those supportive things that can help you and start developing some skills to catch old patterns that aren't supportive in the growth process of you taking control of your life, of you knowing that you are the director, right? That you are the captain of that. And so it's not the easiest thing, and especially when you've been in that state for 40, 50 years. But if you feel stuck and if you feel like you're not thriving and if you feel like the language in your head is, every time I turn around, life is throwing me some more, right? If you have whatever it is, utilizing similar language, just stop for a moment and just reflect on the language that you have going on inside of your head and the behaviors and the actions and the choices you're making. Are they supporting that language? Are they holding you back? Are they declining thoughts again? Or are they something that is keeping you stagnant or on that momentum line of moving forward, what is happening and what skills do you need? Or do you need more people in your life that are supportive to a different way of thinking, to people who do take personal control, agency role models, who you might look up to, who you, who you really appreciate and respect, where they're at, and start developing a little bit more emotional intelligence and development around all this stuff? Because yeah, there's going to be some skills that you, we might not be equipped with because that's not the way. Maybe it's things that we didn't have in our life that supported that or that we had people we could learn from or role models that really had that growing up. And we just developed. I mean, we are a state of conditioning. I uploaded this one thing when I was making a little social media post and instead of mindset changing, it was like my new mindset uploading. And it's okay. What is that new mindset you want to upload? So it's a breaking. Breaking the old mindset.

So I like it. Yep. Yeah, I am.

There you go.

I like it. Thank you very much. Oh my gosh. I just had this Saturday Night Live moment. What was her name? When she sat in the big giant chair and she talked like a little girl. Oh my goodness. All right, we'll just talk about that another day. If anybody else out there on Saturday Night Live is waking up.

Were you saying I was like a little talking like a little girl just now?

No, you just said a phrase. Skip it, Skip it. All right, we gotta wrap this. We gotta wrap this one up. But so self ownership and self leadership and even in difficult circumstances like you have to take those. Like you were saying, understand one, what you're feeling and where that may be coming from. And recognizing that takes time for you to pause and have self awareness. Recognizing where maybe you have not been clear with yourself about the boundaries in your life that you want and that you're afraid to set for risk of losing something that you think you might want. A lot of times we can deceive ourselves because we are thinking we really want something and we are not keeping up a good strong boundary and we end up burning ourself looking for those red flags. Don't deny those red flags, folks. Listen to your friends. Listen to your friends and family and just recognizing you have to pause and have self awareness and recognize that you're constantly setting yourself up to sift out what you don't need, what doesn't align with the true part of the trueness of yourself. And forgive those times in life where you may have not set good boundaries and forgive responsibility and connection to somebody who's not able to do that in their life. Don't take responsibility. It doesn't mean you're justifying it. It just means you're forgiving the space of we are all sometimes in a area of life of confusion and non.

Clarity and sharing this podcast with them.

And share this podcast with them. All we can do is look where we are now. Look back at your life and see how you've overcome difficulties and struggles and how you've handled them. Look at who you're being in those moments of complete stress because you're usually revealing something that you'd like to sift out of yourself. You have the opportunity to better yourself in every moment. Look at difficult disappointments as opportunities for embedderment.

Yeah. It empowers you to create strength.

Bam. Weakness.

Bam.

Becomes strength.

All right, well, thank you, Amy. Thank you everybody for listening. We appreciate you. If you could give us a US a review, only a 5 star review would be much appreciated and share this with as many friends and family members if you have. I don't care if it's one or 1,000. We appreciate. We appreciate you.

Yes, we do. And if you don't give us five stars, let us know what else we could do better and we can actually grow in our podcasting selves.

Thank you. I know this was a little bit of some touchiness in this subject today and we appreciate and I know it can be delicate conversations with some of this stuff, so hopefully we manage that well.

Absolutely. All right, thank you. Thanks for joining us today and thank you, Brian. Hey friends, thank you for tuning in to the All Things Good for you podcast. Please note any information, experiences, ideas or opinions discussed today are for educational and thought provoking purposes only and not if intended as medical advice. If anything piqued your curiosity, please consult with your doctor or personal medical professional. And if you're enjoying All Things good for your podcast, hop on over and leave us a five star review so we can continue delving in and providing great content. Thanks again and we hope you are inspired to stay informed and responsible along your health and wellness journey.

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