EP 66 Trust

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What do you think when you think of the word trust with yourself? How much do you trust you? Hey friends, thank you for listening to the All Things Good 4U podcast. Join us as we explore ancient traditions, modern tools and practices in the world of health, wellness and personal development. I'm Amy Christensen, your host and your curated mind coach.

And I'm your co host Brian Bowen, founder of Integrative Health, Inc. And Better Human company High Performance Coaching. Are you ready to take control of your life and start feeling enthusiastic, empowered and limitless each and every day for a life well lived, let your curiosity flow with all things good for you.

Hey friends, it's Amy. How are you? It's just me doing a little solo podcast today. I actually recorded this a few weeks back on the beach in California, which we'll talk about a little bit later in the podcast, but I apparently didn't save it or log it correctly. I am recording it again just after Christmas of 2023, about to step into 2024 and I had a couple of oh, and by the way, Brian is just not able to join us tonight. We've been juggling a few things around holidays and as we've done in the past, occasionally we will just jump in and both do our own little thing to help support the podcast and listeners and keep up with our commitment here. It's just me tonight. Brian and I will return soon. What are we talking about tonight? What comes to mind? What comes to the feeling in your body when you think of the word trust? If I were to just throw the word out there, trust, do you get prickly and defensive? Do you start to build a little resistance and get suspicious? Do you tend to be the kind of person who trusts a situation or somebody until they've given you a reason not to trust? Or do you tend to step in with a little suspicion and let them prove themselves worthy of trust? So yeah, we're going to just chat a little bit about the word trust, but maybe in a slightly different perspective. What do you think when you Think of the word trust with yourself. How much do you trust you? Yeah, recently I've had was confronted with a big decision and I'm usually quite confident once I make a decision I'm analyzing things a little bit. I like my pros and cons list. I like to look at things from multiple perspectives and opportunities and directions and that kind of thing. I enjoy that process and I do it just for information and out of curiosity. And I'm usually happy with the process. And when I make a decision I'm usually just pretty comfortable with it. And this decision came up, it wasn't a total surprise, but it came up a little differently than I was prepared for. And it definitely threw me into a feeling of questioning and insecurity and anxiousness. And I don't I that I hadn't really experienced in quite a long time. And it was very interesting to experience that and feel it in my body and the way my body was reacting and then watch how I was operating in my day to day life around these. This thought process and these decisions I had to make and for longer than I would normally prefer to be in a decision making process of questioning. Iris really frustrated and a lot of other little fears and insecurities came up which I didn't think I was still dealing with under the surface. And one of the things that I realized I can still go back and do the pros and cons list and work through things. I was grateful for the opportunity and the things that I've learned that I've teach and work with my clients with in coaching on thinking through the thought loop and limiting belief processes and learning to identify where limiting beliefs might be coming from and with primal question how are we maybe operating in a scramble or avoidance behavior pattern. And it was very revealing. How do you process decision making and do you ever get to a place where you're surprised by your sudden lack of trust or maybe you operate in that place all the time? And what helps you process your decision making? For me, one of the things that I've always leaned into is a couple of things. So I have always believed, regardless of your spiritual approach to life or your specific type of religious belief, perhaps there is a level of comfort and security in the idea that there's something bigger than you working in your favor and whether that's God or universe or what have you or you just believe that good things happen to good people or bad things happen to good people and you figure it out that there's just in general good wants to work in your Favor. I believe that there's a spiritual base that. That I can lean upon that is working and cheering me on. And then the ability to just know that there's just a trust that's rooted in a belief that there's a plan beyond my understanding or ultimately just I can embrace a faith and have a sense of peace, that things go as they should as a plan, not that they're always easy or perfect. And that helps me quite a bit. Another thing that really helps me is knowing that I just have a trust in myself, that even if I were to make a decision that ended up not being the best quote, unquote decision, which. I also believe that a lot of times you make a decision that doesn't seem like it's a good decision because there's a lesson in it that your deeper self is ready to grow and learn from that challenge. Not that's always pleasant, but that ability to know that you have strengths, skills, that you've been empowered from past experiences to tackle challenges that come your way. We are not always gonna. We obviously can't see the future. We can't see what everybody else's intentions are. You can be aware and you can do your best to read the details and figure out the pros and cons and check the local area for whatever, check the competition or you're obviously doing the intelligent work. But then your ability to just trust in yourself, that you can figure it out. I know there's a great book by Marie Forleo, and it's called Figureoutable, and it was a term her grandmother or her mother had used, that helps you just have some of that release of anxiety that when you've looked at all the information and you've assessed to the best of your ability or the things that are available for you to analyze and compare, that you've done your research, that no matter what happens, you trust in yourself to figure it out, make the best of it. There's Ellen, I'm forgetting her name. She wrote Ellen Langer. She. She wrote Mindful Body, I think is her just most recent. Mindful Body. Yeah, I think that's her most recent book. But she talks a lot about. In that book, I think particularly she mentions how you just choose the. Being in the right. Making the right decision is often just making a decision and making it the right decision. Knowing again that you've made a decision, you've put yourself into it, and now you're going to deal with it. You're gonna. If it's quote, unquote, not the way a bad or the wrong decision or it wasn't what you expected or had hoped that you accept that this is where you are. Life has presented you with this opportunity of growth and education and you have the strength and the ability to figure it out, make your way better. The and that comes down to self efficacy and that's a lot of times where you have that competencies that it's not that you have an arrogance that you think you won't make wrong decisions. It's just that you can work through whatever comes your way. I often look back at things in the past that I fretted over or was worried about or thought was going to be awful. Maybe it was awful going through it, but on the other side of it I can look back and see wisdom and strength and the term like for me being a faith based person, thank God for unanswered prayers. You can look back and see how sometimes the things that didn't work out were actually working for you. And there's a faith in that. All right, I'm going to make this choice. I'm going to make this decision. I'm going to step into something that there is no real clear win yes or no. This is the absolute for sure way to go, right choice to make. It's questionable. We don't really know what's on the other side. I could be okay not making this decision and just staying where I'm at in, in life or in this place and that wouldn't be horrible. But also might not be living in an abundance and growth mindset either might be operating out of lack and fear for me. I don't like the idea of living in a feeling of being small or stuck or afraid to move forward with something. And I do take calculated risks. Sometimes people think they're uncalculated, but I. I take a risk that I feel that I have contemplated and it's calculated for me. I feel like it's worth it even if it were to show up in a way that maybe wasn't what I expected. I trust that I can look back at those difficult situations and find the good in them. Find a lesson, find a strength that I didn't know I had. Find a quality of my character that was being refined and knowing those things. Trusting in a universal process where there is good that is working in my favor. Trusting that I have the ability to figure it out no matter what situation I'm in. Trusting that I have built resilience through difficult situations in the past and overcoming them and growing and learning from them knowing that.

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That stressful time frame can also be as short or as significant as I choose to make it be. So there's this particular decision I was making and trying to debate about and really back and forth on the options. None of the options available to me were yelling at me that this is the right choice, this is the best choice. And me staying in this situation or not making any decision in that area was not a horrible process either. And I really spent a couple of weeks I spent a couple. I actually spent at least a month contemplating it, but I spent a couple of weeks fretting and really stressing over that process. And what turned out to be is that I had actually done something to set this decision in play already. So I had essentially made the decision two weeks before the decision was made for me, quote, unquote, I was done. And I just got a little kick out of how much I disrupted my focus for those couple of weeks and stressed and got into my head about why don't I just feel clear on this. I've always been able to just make it, just feel something, put myself in that scenario, pray about it, write about it, do the analyzing, go feel the situation visually, you know, work all the things. And they just know that I'm comfortable with the decision I'm going to make and it wasn't coming to me this time. And so I just had the laugh that I had already. It had already been done and I was creating a lot of tension and stress in my life that was unnecessary and I could have been more aware that I had already put this thing into play and it was already happening for me anyway and just lived in that space of okay, this is what we're doing and I'm ready, I'm going to Move forward. How do I make this the best I can make? Just like the Ellen Lang said, make the decision the right decision, no matter what it is. Like you choose to just show up and create it. Ellen Langer, by the way, is her name. I keep saying it wrong. You just be present with your decision and show up as who you are in the best character and step into that space. And I, I wonder how often we get caught up in that, in little decisions, not just big decisions. I recently had a conversation, and maybe I've said this in a previous podcast, but I had a pro, a conversation with a friend where we had the realization in conversation that as an adult, I've come across to most people very relaxed and confident and clear on my decisions and at ease with that space and a non anxiety person. And what struck me is that as a child I was actually called a worry wart. I worried about everything. I worried if we were driving the right direction, I worried if we were driving too fast. I worried about the other cars coming, I worried about monsters coming to get me at night. I worried about all the time. And I had what I think was very early age high anxiety. I also think that I developed techniques at an early age to manage that stress and to look at situations at an early age on how it worked out for me and how I could figure that out before I even realized what I was doing. And so it's not that I didn't have anxiety. It's not that I was born with a magical ability to not worry and just wake up happy. I just developed certain tools and recognition at an earlier age than some people. And I'm still developing it and still working it. I still have moments where the things that I teach people to do. Something comes up for me in my life and I have to go back and go, oh, now I'm going to know, teach myself. I'm going to be the student again here and learn this from a different perspective or work into a different layer of realization on something. But that ability to trust yourself, I think becomes such a key to not just confidence and strength, growth, but peace. And even if you don't have trust in an outer source, a higher being, I have my peace in that ultimately. But I still think there we have responsibility for being thoughtful and making decisions and making choices. We have free will. But knowing that no matter what shows up tomorrow, I'm going to find a way to make it work. Because I've done it in the past, because I've learned tools and abilities to do this and Because I take time to stop and reflect on these things. I've built self efficacy. I've trust who I am. I don't always do everything the way I think I should do it. I don't always follow through on some of my commitments that maybe I over committed or I've changed my mind on what I could be willing to participate in. But I trust my character and I trust who I am more than I put it on other people to show me who I am or to give me my strength or to give me my security. When those moments come up, which I think they do, as people, we tend to just catch ourselves possibly leaning into people sometimes too much. When I know that comes up, I can stop and have compassion and empathy for myself and recognize I don't need to put that weight of my self worth or my trust or my comfort on another person that I can trust in myself to do that. And when that happens, I'm actually able to show up better in my friendships, in my relationships and own my decisions and make them work out for the best of me no matter what. As we step into a new year, everybody's got their goals, everybody's got the reflect on the past year's successes or failures, things you didn't get done or things you did get done, and then all the big goals for the next year and all these measurements and requirements and things we put on ourself. Because if there's a timetable, maybe with all of those big pushes, those big goals, the most important goal that you could develop with yourself or give to yourself is to really build yourself trust. And how do you do that? How can you look back in your past and see where you've shown up for yourself in times of struggle, where maybe a difficult season actually worked out to make you better? Maybe look at where you lean on another person in your life a little too much for that trust factor, that maybe you can lean onto yourself a little bit more. Not in a way of building walls or breaking down relationship, but in a way to show up even better for relationship, taking more self ownership. Yeah, that's my challenge to myself and to you my friends. To build that space of decision making, understanding the depths of your responsibility and that empowers your self trust. Take the courage to confront uncertainty, make that decision and step into it, own it, and know that the outcomes give you an essence of personal development. So I hope this was helpful and encouraging to you and Brian and I will be back on a podcast here shortly. You guys have a wonderful rest of the 2023 season and stepping into 2024 we I'm sure we'll talk a lot more about self development and growth and goals on our next few podcasts as we get into 2024. Every be well, be safe and take good care of you and take good care of others. Bye bye.

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