The 12 Bullshit Lies You Tell Yourself That Keep Your Restaurant Stuck

Wait. Stop everything. Let's have a serious talk about the 12 lies you're telling yourself that's holding you and your restaurant back. Hey, welcome to the Restaurant Coach podcast. It is the cure for the common restaurant. Now, I'm sure that catchy title kind of caught your attention, and you might be saying to yourself right now, bullshit. Lies. Who, me? Yes, you. Now, don't take it too personally, because we all lie to ourselves from time to time. Yes, even I do. So welcome to the club. When you admit it and don't let it control you, you can finally do something about it. And that's exactly what you and I are here to talk about today. See, my rule is I'm not going to give you a pass on your bullshit. I'm here to help you deal with your bullshit. What's really amazing is that in only a minute, I've been able to say the word bullshit now four times. Boom. Hold on to something, because this one is gonna get a little rough. You and I are similar in the sense that we have been telling ourselves lies for years. I know I did. And if you're honest with yourself, you know that you have as well. The first thing to do is to admit it. The second thing to do is forgive yourself. And the third thing to do is you gotta stop it. If you read my books, my blogs, or listen to this podcast, you know, you've heard me say this before, and if you're one of my private restaurant coaching clients, you've heard this a lot. Awareness precedes choice, and choice precedes change. You first must be aware of it to change it. And it only takes one letter to go from chance to change. So let's kick this off. Lie number one. I don't have time. Did you know that 26% of people think they don't have enough time? I mean, what happened? Did someone take your time? No. You have the same 24 hours as everyone else in the world. So what is the logic behind this lie? You just don't want to admit that you don't manage your time effectively. See, that's the real issue here. You kind of went on a time shopping spree, just giving it out like free lollipops at the bank. And now you don't have enough left for the important things. Stop wasting time by throwing it away at things that do not move your life or your restaurant forward. You're usually caught up in one or two of the four dimensions of time, mostly either distraction or demand. You're avoiding the tough stuff and Doing easy things that require very little energy, basically distractions. Or you're saying yes to everyone about everything and you're running around on command, which is the demand of others. Now, there's nothing wrong with doing things for other people. But as long as you need to block off time for yourself, Psychologists call this having healthy boundaries. Some people might say it's just growing a pair. You must also save time to move your life forward while helping others. This starts with understanding that time is not money. Money is money. You can always make more money. Sorry to break the bad news to you, however, you cannot stretch 24 hours into 25. Lie number two, there are no good people out there to hire. Now, if this lie was true, no restaurants would exist. There are amazing people out there working in restaurants every single day. It might be that you've become a little jaded dealing with some of these less than desirable employees. Okay, here comes the gut punch. You hired them. Poor hiring decisions are the number one cause of having bad staff on your team. Believe me, desperation does not mean lower your standards to fill a slot in the schedule. This is commonly known as the panic hire and it causes a lot more problems than you think. Not only do you allow a toxic and poor performer into your culture, you allow them to spread their negativity and infect the other people on your team. Remember, a virus doesn't kill you at first. It slowly infiltrates the system and then it depletes the healthy cells. What it leaves behind is just really a hollow shell of what was once great. The best defense is to have high standards for who is a great match for your culture. Know your core values and ask new candidates what values they have. Stop. Please stop hiring for experience. Instead, focus more on personality. Remember, you can train skills if the skills are trainable and coachable. But you cannot change personality easily, even though most people think they can. Lie number three. I can't do that. Okay, this is a lie. You say when you should be saying, I won't do that. It's always better to be honest. If you don't want to do something, please don't say yes and then do a half assed job. You know that's probably the greatest sin out there is succumbing to mediocrity and doing poor performance due to poor commitment. Can't and won't say something under the surface that you might not realize. Can't says it's not in your control or power. Won't says it goes against your core values and your moral compass. Now which one Would a confident person use I won't always tips the power scale in your favorite. You stood up for something you believe in. And the world needs more people that are willing to stand up for what they believe in. Lie number four. I'm working hard. Why is it that we think hard work is what life is all about? Here's a big truth bomb coming your way. You're not rewarded for hard work. You're rewarded for results. Hey, if you're working long hours for extended periods, you're either in one of two spots. One, you suck at time management, or number two, you suck at hiring, training and leading people. Now, I get it that working long hours is required for startup restaurants or for taking over a new team. But if it's been a year down the road and you're still working crazy hours, then you, my friend, are addicted to the drama. You're also addicted to the chaos and you need an intervention. The sad part is that your self worth has become dependent on how much your team needs you. Your job should always be to replace yourself. Remember that if you can't be replaced, you cannot be promoted. And that also holds true for restaurant brands that want to expand to multiple locations. Running one or two restaurants is actually fairly easy. But once you get past three, you cannot run that many restaurants with the same mindset that you did when you were small and had only one or two locations. Honestly, I don't care if you work 80 hours a week or 40. It all comes down to these questions. Are you getting results? Are you growing yourself? Are you growing your brand? Are you growing your team? You see the number of hours you put in or basically the whining that you work so hard, it's just a cry for attention. You gotta stop it. Drama is great for movies, really, really bad for restaurants. And drama starts and stops with the leader of a restaurant. Remember, what you tolerate, you end up keeping. So don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me what the hell you got done this week to move your life and your restaurant forward. Until you can be honest with yourself, you're just wasting time looking for attention. Losers want attention. Winners want results. Lie number five. It is what it is. You know that saying it is what it is. It's such it's exactly what you accept it to be. If you're fine with mediocrity, then just a minute. But don't give it an excuse that it just is what it is. I always say if you want a better life or restaurant, then you need to ask better quality questions. Is what it is is such a cop out that it drifts straight towards mediocrity. So here's the thing I would ask you. What are you going to do about it? What are you prepared to do to change your restaurant? What the do you want from all of this? What is your outcome? Answer those questions next time you reach for the easy out of it is what it is. And you're going to see your life and your restaurant dramatically change for the better. Remember that. Excuses beget excuse. Excuses lie. Number six, that won't happen to me. You know, denial is a powerful drug, probably more than all the opiates combined. Why? Because it robs you of a better future. Denial steals away your opportunity to improve. It leaves you in a state called learned helplessness. You're just there thinking that it won't happen to you. Let's be honest. A lot of restaurants are going to close this year, and that is a fact of the economy. And don't say it can't happen to you. You're a business like any other. And all businesses are at risk of going out of business. Markets change rapidly, sometimes super fast. And if you're in denial about that, and if you're in denial that it won't happen to you, it's a pretty good bet that it will happen to you. Denial is usually followed around by its cousin called foolish Pride. Then the next to visit is called failure. I'm sure that the dozen or so restaurants that closed last month never thought it would happen to them. Too many probably thought they could have been saved if they just would have asked for help. Now I run into a restaurant in trouble way more than the ones I do that are actually performing at their potential. This is a really sad situation. It used to bother me a lot. I mean, why would someone who's running their restaurant into the ground not reach out and grab the life preserver being offered to them? It's that damn foolish pride to have. They would rather go down with the sinking ship than ask for help. And I can't help a restaurant unless they're willing to do three things. One, they must listen. And I usually start the conversation with this question. Do you know the difference between advice and opinion? Everyone has an opinion about how you run your restaurant. Advice is from someone who's a professional, who's been there and pretty much is telling you that this is the course of action you must take. Now, I only give advice. Number two, you must take action. Your lack of action and getting things done is what got you in this Kind of in this situation in the first place. So when I give you a deadline, you better have a real, real fucking awesome reason why you didn't get it done. Or here's the thing. We won't be working together very much longer. I am hired as a coach to get you the restaurant and the life that you want. You can be mediocre without me. And number three, I tell my clients, you must be patient. Here's the thing. It took you some time to get into this mess that you're in, and it takes about half that amount of time to get you kind of rewired for success. So for an example, if you've been running your restaurant amok for two years, expect at least one year to get your shit together. Oh, and that's if you follow the Rule 1 and 2 that I mentioned previously. A lot of restaurants come to me asking for coaching. They say they want to change. They say they want to maximize profits. They say they want to dominate their market. They say they want a business that doesn't consume their personal life. So they start one of my coaching programs, and within a month, most have some bullshit excuse for stopping. Here's my deal. Be sure you want it, because I'm dedicated to getting it for you, but you're going to have to need to put in the work to get there. I will work as hard as you do for your brand, but I won't work harder than you for your brand. Show me you want it and I'll give it to you. All right. Lie number seven. I can change that person. Here comes another lie that's kind of disguised in the shape of denial. Now consider for a moment how hard it is to change yourself. And you're finally going to see what little chance you have of changing other people. And here's the other thing about this that you might not realize. Most key people are very comfortable with who they are. The comfort zone is full of lazy and uninspired people who are more like zombies living a life of mediocrity. Granted, they'll complain about it all day long and point fingers at who's to blame for the shit life they have. But they never point the blame at themselves, by the way. Yet they don't do anything to improve their situation. Here's a harsh reality. If you don't care enough to change your life, it's never going to happen. So thinking that you're going to change someone else who doesn't really want to change is kind of like saying that you're going to turn Day into night. Just because you think it would be a really good idea for day, it's not going to happen. So before you go on a crusade to change someone, you need to ask yourself if they really want to be changed. If you truly want to have an impact on the people around you, change yourself first. Be the example and set the standard. People are more likely to change when they see someone else who inspires them. Remember, all improvement starts with self improvement. Lie number eight. I don't judge people. Okay, please excuse me while I clear my throat. Bullshit. You, me and everyone else in the world does judge people to some extent. I don't care how holy or self righteous you think you are. We all, at our fundamental core, are hypocrites. We wear a mask of who we want the world to see. We pretend that we're great when inside we suffer. We smile when we want to, just scream to the heavens. We laugh when we want to cry. I've done it too. So don't think that you're alone. Breaking free from this is when you decide that you have nothing to prove to others. You only need to be honest and true to yourself. And that starts with a little core value called integrity. See, once we sell out our moral compass, it's so easy to be swayed into more compromise. It's easier to lie and deceive yourself. That voice in your head talking shit is just keeping you from being authentic. It's basically the suppression of your soul. So why do we judge others? It's quite simple. Our ego, greed and envy control us. They make us jealous and judgmental of others. We fear and throw shade at things that we feel threaten us. Fear is the mind killer. It preys on that weak part of your subconscious that is always out there looking to protect us from, well, you know, everything. You can thank our primal ancestors for that. Now granted, it served human beings well for millions and millions of years. And it keeps us safe from predators that wanted to have us for dinner. But now it kind of tends to stop us from getting the restaurant and the life that they desire. Let's be clear on something. Danger is real. Fear is a choice. Lie number nine. I'll do it tomorrow. Ah, the fallacy of foresight. We always believe that the promise of tomorrow is going to save us. Well, it. What happens if tomorrow doesn't come? Ever think about that? Most likely you don't ever think about it too often or until someone you know passes away unexpectedly. And then that kind of, you know, that mortality thing kind of kicks in the gear and Mortality is a real bitch. Let me tell you this from firsthand experience that death's gonna come for you one day and maybe if you're really lucky, you might get another chance at life like I did when I had a cardiac arrest in September 2018. Death changes your outlook pretty dramatically and very, very quickly. Trust me on this. I realized firsthand that there was a lot of things that I still wanted to do and I wanted to leave a dent in the industry. Yes, said a dent. Everyone wants to have an impact. How average is that? I don't want to leave an impact. I want to have a dent. Getting a second chance was a harsh wake up call for me. Now I would offer this as a wake up call to you as well. Take action before your time is up. Whatever you want to do, make a plan and do it and do it now. Get your calendar out and start to schedule as much as you can for each and every day. You must start living each day knowing that the clock is ticking. And here's the thing, you don't get unlimited time. Time is the one thing in the entire world that does not discriminate. Doesn't care where you live, doesn't care what religion you are, what race you are. It keeps ticking away. Remember, we all have the same 24 hours each day. The difference between those that get the life they want is how they use those 24 hours. Hours. Are you investing them into becoming better or wasting them in distraction doing activities that do not have any return on your investment? Stop playing small and stop wasting time. Please trust me, you don't have any time to spare. Lie number 10. If I could just get insert anything here, but then I'll be happy. You know, the quest for material things is driven by our ego. Take it from a guy who had the good things in life and I'm telling you right now, they don't make you happy. Well, they do, but not for very long. Sure, the high end sports cars are fun to drive until it has a lot of maintenance issues. The pool in the backyard is impressive for your friends until you have to clean up the puke from the party. The supermodel partner is fun until you try to have intelligent conversations with them. Stop chasing after things that don't contribute to your long term happiness. So what does becoming a better human being? Start being compassionate. Teach or mentor someone. Volunteer at a food bank. Donate some of those clothes that you're never going to wear again to a shelter. Spend some time out in nature. Just appreciate how amazing the world is. Share a Sunset or watch the stars with someone you love. Now I'm not saying to become a monk and forsake all material possessions. What I'm saying is don't make them the end. All of all the things that you think are going to make you happy, the best thing to do is just start being happy. Now here's a little secret to success. You ready? Be happy with who you are. Are, love what you do. Make it your mission to serve others and improve their lives. And I will tell you, you will find a way to make money and the rewards will come to you. We tend to chase after the wrong thing. Stop chasing stuff and start filling your heart with service to others. Lie number 11. I'm just not lucky. Here's the thing about the universe and energy. Once you declare it, the universe kind of works to make sure that you get it that way. It's called a self fulfilling prophecy. You truly get what you focus on. If you say you're not lucky, well guess what? You're gonna find that lady luck tends to kind of stay away from you. If you say you suck at love, your love life is gonna suck. Declare that your staff is a bunch of idiots and you're gonna be surrounded by a bunch of idiots. The words you use as a habit become the experience you speak of. Now this doesn't mean that if you start saying positive things tomorrow that all is going to be right with the world in a few days. No, you're going to have to back up your words with a little thing called belief. You can say it all you want, but if you don't believe it deep down inside, then it's not going to materialize. I promise. If you declare it, share it and believe it, and take action towards it, then I can say with a 100% confidence that you are most likely to get it. I have been down this road many times and unlike the bullshit propaganda promoted in that book the Secret, you just can't wish for it to happen. You're gonna need to move towards it too. So watch the words and the things you say because they actually form your reality. True story and lie number 12. If I want anything done, I have to do it myself. Oh, woe is me, you poor thing, doing all the work. It's kind of clear to air on this major bullshit right now. You don't trust your team and you refuse to give up control. That's why you do most of the work. You've turned your team into a bunch of dependent workers who are afraid of their shadows because you didn't train them or allowed them to make mistakes. And please don't give me the perfectionist crap either. You're not a perfectionist. You're probably just. You're a weak leader that is in such denial that you can't help anyone, let alone yourself. Need creates more need. When you have a team that's not empowered to make mistakes, not empowered to learn. You have a crew that hovers at mediocrity. They never get better. They never search for growth. You're just stuck with them in a perpetual Groundhog Day, living the same the same day over and over again. Stop treating your team like they're incompetent. They're not. You keep them held down in learned helplessness. And then you whine and complain about all the work you do. Stop it. Because honestly, no one really cares how many hours you put in or how hard you say you work. You are committing the biggest lie of all. Again, you're lying to yourself. Remember, without trust, relationships die. Without mistakes, there is no growth. Without opportunity, people leave restaurants. Stop trying to carry the entire restaurant on your back. Share some of the responsibilities. Share some of the tasks that you are not good at. Trust me, you're not good at everything. Share some of the glory. Create a culture where it's more we than me. You don't have to do it all yourself unless you choose to. And remember that you always have a choice. Now, maybe you're going to reflect back on this and you're finally going to take some action to change yourself. Now, if you listen this far, my prediction is that you probably will start to make some changes. Here's the thing I would recommend. Be easy on yourself and give yourself a little break. By showing up every day with a new attitude, you will start to see some slow changes. It's not the big, bold changes that have the deepest impact on your life. It's the small, everyday, consistent changes that do that. Start small. Be steady. Commit. Stay the course. Adjust your habits to get the results you want. Become obsessed with becoming a better version of you. Now, if you want to learn the secret to restaurant success, I am offering viewers of my YouTube channel free access to the Three Frames to Thrive series. It's over three hours of training, which is going to show you the three foundational frameworks that I teach all of my private coaching clients to make more and work less in the restaurant. Just head over to 3frames to thrive.com and sign up now. Hey, make sure to hit that like and subscribe button before you leave. And in my next video. I'm going to show you why your 80 hour work week is really stupid.