Learn to Heal Trauma: Your Body Knows the Answers (Episode #16) —Special Guest Lauren Hatchett

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Something about you that I can't help but smile when you smile and laugh when you laugh, Something's around you.

Welcome to the Human intimacy podcast. I'm Dr. Kevin Skinner with my colleague Amy Andrus, and we have another special guest today, Lauren Hatchett. Welcome, Lauren and Amy. How are you guys doing today?

Doing well.

Fantastic.

I like fantastic. So this is as we were talking before we came on the podcast. This is a full circle and I'd love you guys to talk a little bit about this full circle for you guys as we get started. But before we do that, today's topic. Absolutely essential and critical. If you are a person who's been stuck in trauma, if you're a person whose body is stressed out, you don't know what to do with the internal tension in your body, Today you is your day. It's for you.

So where would you like us to begin?

Well, this full circle, I'd love our listeners to learn a little bit about how we're here today, your experiences.

All right, Lauren?

Yeah, I. I was a client here years ago. I first started seeing Amy in the midst of my trauma, big T trauma. And I realized really quickly that there was something very powerful about talk therapy. And I knew I had so much trauma also in my body, but I didn't know how to move that through. And I wanted to figure out the combination or the culmination of healing that. And so I did a lot of therapy here at Atto, which was so beneficial for me. And I wanted to figure out how else I could really capitalize on that healing.

And yoga has always been a part of. Of ado. Did you have experiences here with some of the yoga therapists?

Yes. Okay. I loved some of my experiences I did a group here, loved my group experience.

And so you, you had experienced that as part of your healing, but then you wanted more.

Yeah, I knew there was more and I wanted to tap into that.

So I want to ask the question, what was it? And I, I again, I, I'm very intentional about what we do in our center. And one of them is research based, based upon our trauma and our bodies. So what we do historically at a recovery is we have a process that is designed to help individuals be trade partners, but also people who've been acting out, who have life experience, understand their bodies and the trauma that's stored in their body. So I'd love to talk about that today. That's really today's theme is what do we do with this trauma that's stored in our bodies? And I'd love your experience of transitioning from this place of big T trauma into how your body helped you in the healing process.

Wow, what a question. Should I jump in? Well, I thought, and I think maybe it's often that we think trauma is a psychological event, but it's a physiological event and it needs to be healed physiologically. And there's these neural pathways that are formed and associated with traumatic events, and they activate the part of our central nervous system that keeps us in fight, orf flight. And so at its core, yoga seeks to answer this question, who am I? And we do that by activating our parasympathetic nervous system, which is that part of us that lets us restore on a cellular level. And I could dive in any of those pieces.

You are speaking my language because. Right. I, I absolutely love this conversation because far too often when people have experienced a traumatic event, and it doesn't have to be sexual betrayal, it could be any traumatic event, childhood trauma, what we generally see with individuals, that trauma is then stored in the body.

Right.

I love what Peter Levine said. He said trauma is not talked out. Trauma is literally, it's like it's releasing itself. The body's releasing it from inside of itself.

Right.

So what I'd love to hear is that that transition inside of you once you started hearing about the trauma in your body, walk us through what that process was like for you.

Well, I knew that I was disconnected from myself and the first step was going to be reconnecting with myself and experiencing true embodiment. And to me, that meant just experiencing myself. In yoga, people have Western people, I should say Western. Often times we westernize yoga and movement, making it about physical flexibility or ability in general. When yoga is about Emotional liberation and homecoming.

Well, and Even, you know, Dr. Skinner, yoga's always been a part of adult recovery, but we have to reframe it because it sounds so intimidating. So when we say yoga, a lot of times people are intimidated. I can't. I'm not flexible. I.

Right.

They. They associate that.

Yes. That's the first thing everyone always says is, oh, I can't do yoga. I'm like, are you able to breathe?

Do you have a diaphragm?

You can do it. You can do it. I promise. It's not about ability. It's about willingness.

And so as you describe this part of this process, the body. Now let's get into the. This body's parasympathetic system. A word that maybe, you know, we're familiar with, maybe we're not. But really the body's capacity to relax.

Yes.

And when individuals. Maybe if you'd be willing to share a little bit of your own life experience here, of. Of that transition from recognizing I'm in trauma to the power of getting maybe in tune with your own body.

Yeah. Wow. What a good question. First of all, it's been a journey. It's always a journey. Right. But for me, it was identifying what was happening in my body and then being able to take steps from there. So understanding, okay, what is my nervous system? There is so much talk, especially on social media right now. Heal your nervous system, regulate your nervous system. There's so much. But we have to understand what that means. So our central nervous system has our parasympathetic nervous system and our sympathetic nervous system. So in a base explanation, our sympathetic is responsible for our fight orf flight. And when that's activated, our cortisol, our epinephrine, our adrenaline, that is skyrocketing. And so it's difficult to calm down. And that's the side of our parasympathetic nervous system that lets us rest and sleep and process. So there's two branches of our nervous system. So I first had to understand, what are these? What is my body doing when I'm in trauma? So when I was dealing with the betrayal trauma, or with not knowing what was up and down, sometimes I had to understand, okay, identify. I'm in fight or flight. My sympathetic nervous system is activated. What can I do? And so I learned little hacks, one of which, I mean, cut me off at any point. If you breathe just through your left nostril, it's directly connected to the branch, your nervous system, the parasympathetic. So breathing through your left Nostril will activate that for you. Little stuff. Creating a yawn, forcing yourself to yawn. And I can teach you how to do that. Will activate the parasympathetic. It's knowing I just did it with you. Saying it. Little things, understanding. Okay. This is what my body is doing. How can I get a little bit better of a handle on it so I can make a better decision or understand myself a little bit better? Does that answer?

It does. And what's interesting is how you finish that. It helps me make a better decision.

What, what I particularly love about Lauren with the work she's. She does here is that's a complicated answer. But she makes it really simple. When the women come in where, you know, because they don't typically, don't we see like they're coming in, they're stuck, they are kind of all over the place. And Lauren greets them. You're safe here. Can you breathe? Just breathe with you. You make you. You break that down. Like you were saying, just breathing from your left nostril. You make it really simple. Where it doesn't feel overwhelming.

Yeah. When it gets overwhelming, that does the opposite effect in a lot of yoga can be. Or movement in general.

What, what's interesting, Dr. Skinner? You. When I had, when, when I was counseling with you and Ado was not a clinic, yet you told me the benefits of yoga for trauma. So I went to a yoga class. And it wasn't somatic restorative yoga. It was.

Traditional.

Yes. And it was. That was overwhelming.

Totally.

Well, and even in the research. Bessel Vander Kolk, the Body Keeps the Score. He talks about the research that there are certain times with certain body movements, you might activate elements of trauma that are overwhelming to your autonomic nervous system. So you might go into fight or flight in a yoga move if you don't understand how to pace yourself and understand what you're talking about. Trauma informed yoga rather than traditional yoga, that may trigger something that you're not prepared for.

And that's the distinction that I would like to make because we say yoga, yoga, yoga. And yet for my, for me, when I was in such a. An insecure, broken space stepping into a traditional yoga class, I felt more insecure, less so. There is such a distinction there that I, I think is important to make. Yes.

And I think we've evolved. I think we now understand more about that. And there's plenty of research to show the power of trauma informed yoga. And, and I think we as clinicians, we need to even be prepared for they're not. They're not all created equal, right?

Totally.

And. And when we do the intensives and Lauren does our intensives with the women, what we often find is that individuals who come down, their bodies are relaxed, they're feeling in this state, emotional state of, okay, I can do harder therapy work or trauma work now because I can talk about these things because I've actually been to a place where I've just felt some calmness. My body feels more relaxed. And again, as a therapist, that's exactly what we want. Because if you stay in that activated state of mind by doing intensives with us, if you can't come back to a state of calm and belonging within your body, then what happens is we keep them in an activated state which would absolutely overwhelm them. So if you're listening to this, we actually start the day with yoga when we do our betrayal trauma intensives and we have mindfulness in the middle of the day because everything is designed to come into difficult experiences, come back out of them. But we want to start with calming the body. What has been your experience just in working with some of these women, if you don't mind sharing?

Okay, I'm going to interject something here because it's a surprise for both of you. So now Dr. Skinner is probably like, oh, okay, Amy, surprise us. I reached out to one of the women from one of our recent intensives, and I said, I would like for you, in coming into this podcast, to share with me your experience with yoga and Lauren at atto.

Okay, absolutely.

So I wanted to share my thoughts on how impactful restorative yoga has been for me. I should start with a bit of a backstory. When I arrived the ATTO intensive back in January, I was more than a little skeptical about doing the yoga sessions on day one. I was nothing short of an unwilling participant. But I followed along. And after the session, I admit I.

Felt a bit better.

As the women arrived for day two session, everyone seemed a little lighter in spirit, and the session was easier to settle into and enjoy. We all agreed that the yoga was a big part of the shift. Day three was transformative for me and for the others as well. I was really able to lose myself in the movements and in Lauren's calming words throughout the flow. One of the women who had been unable to express true emotion over the past two days actually began sobbing after the session as it had provided an avenue of release for her. We were all profoundly impacted that day. Now, as I continue my recovery, restorative yoga with Lauren has become a regular part of my treatment. I cherish and look forward to our sessions knowing that they always help me to course correct if I am struggling or they simply provide a time of peace in an otherwise busy life. Lauren, you are an angel and a gift, and I am lucky to have you in my life for one hour each week.

That's awesome.

Wow. How special. Thank you for sharing that. Wow.

And. And let's just break that down for a second, right? There's this hesitancy which we find in a lot of people, right, because, you know, they're coming to do an intensive. They're thinking, I'm going to work through trauma. And yet what they're not thinking is that we're going to get them in tune with their body. Because how many times, Amy, have we experienced when we're working with people in trauma, when we ask them to just do a simple body check? The stress, the. I mean, they've been so out of touch of their body that they really don't know. The tightness, the tension, because they're so used to it. It's like they're. It's like they're living with it, and they're like, oh, well, this is normal.

Right?

And I mean, in my experience, Dr. Skinner, you could quote it verbatim, but that's how vessel. Vessel. Van der Kolk describes trauma is. It's not thought. It's being stuck in. I don't want to know what I know, and I don't want to feel what I feel, but it's all here, and it's stuck, and I don't know what to do with it.

That's right. And now if we take this to another level for a second, because I really want to dive into the actual benefits, what we see, we. We've heard that testimonial of a person who's like, okay, I came in a little bit hesit, skeptical. Then I experienced this. Now I can't live without it. And now we transition. We say, well, what are the actual benefits of getting in tune with our body? And let's just talk about that for a minute. What have we all observed in our clients? I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

I would like for you to talk about clients learning to trust themselves.

That work is at the core, I think, of the whole hope and purpose of what I do. The ability to trust yourself and understand that your body is wise and. And tapping into that aspect, when you've disconnected from the body, when you come back home, it can feel foreign. And scary, because experiencing emotion is a lot. But when you're able to identify, okay, I'm feeling grief. Where am I feeling that grief? I'm feeling the grief in my stomach. Okay, hi, grief greeting it. It sounds so silly, but there's so much, so much benefit to just identifying and naming. Takes out a lot of that anxiety or panic to figure out, what am I feeling, Let me push it away. And there's so much science behind that too, of processing that emotion, you know.

And as we look at some of the research, if I just to state some of the benefits that we have seen with time. So from a biological perspective, you're not getting as much adrenaline, you're not getting as much cortisol because your body's more, you know, in that state of calmness, your body becomes more attuned to itself. But there's another thing that we look at. Not just that, but we. We look at the concept of trauma and disassociation. I can't. I disassociate from my body because it's too painful, what I'm actually experiencing. And so when we stop that process and we recognize disassociation has been there to protect me. And now if I recognize my body and I don't need that disassociation because I can stay present with my body, I actually feel more in control rather than out of control.

Yeah, absolutely.

Then we actually look, start looking at the research of how we help people with adverse childhood experiences, what's often known as aces. And we know that one of the core strategies that they found to help people who've experienced those kind of traumas is actually body work. Learning to listen to our organs in our body and release that internal tension, that actually helps a little bit more scientific here for a second. In our bodies, there's something called telomeres and telomerase. Telomeres. The longer our telomeres, the longer we're likely to live. Telomerase is actually what keeps the telomeres long. The more telomerase we have, it helps reduce the shortening of the telomeres. Now, I apologize for getting scientific there, but the research, the research, what's that?

You can't help yourself.

I can't help myself. It's a bad habit I have. But, but in reality, when we have telomerase in our body, well, what does that. Relaxing the body does good sleep does that. Healthy nutrition does that. Exercise does it. So having telomerase and really, the science of what we're talking about here is you becoming attuned to your body. It actually can lengthen your life.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh, absolutely. And it gives you a bit more bandwidth and flexibility. We talk a lot about healing the nervous system, but what if we were just trying to create a flexible nervous system to. To handle trauma?

And then that is what the aim is, right, Dr. Skinner? To be able to just move from state to state fluidly, not to only live in one.

Well, because. Yeah, because rigidity is. Is really what trauma creates. It creates a place of rigidity. I don't feel safe. Something that we've talked about on previous podcasts. So safety allows me flexibility, but I have to begin with safety within my own body. Because if I feel like I'm in constant protection mode, then I'm going to put up the walls. I'm going to put up the barriers in relationships, but also even in my own body, I don't want to feel what I'm feeling. I don't want to sense what I'm sensing. And so I really numb out. I look at that phone all day long because I don't want to be attuned to the emotional distress that I'm experiencing.

Yeah.

I mean, so much.

Right? Yeah.

You talked a little bit about the autonomic nervous system. I think that's so interesting. But it all goes back to activating the parasympathetic nervous system. I think that's at the core. And for me, the quickest way that I can teach people or I've learned, is breathing. Understand br. Your breath. Breath is medicine.

And something I've heard feedback also from you other yoga instructors that we've had here in the past. Some, you know, we have the Thursday night drop in class, and some of the feedback I've heard from you is she makes it where there isn't a right or wrong way to breathe. Because sometimes it can. There can be too much focus on your even breathing.

Wrong.

Totally.

And what I have heard is you just invite breath, but not in a. You have to do it this way, and you have to do it this way, and you're not doing this right.

That is the difference between traditional yoga and trauma informed. It becomes a choice. Because then the more you practice that choice, the more you trust your inner voice, your trust your body to experience.

Embodiment, which is what we're trying to do. Because when you've experienced a traumatic event, you start to question yourself. You start to question your own identity. Did I see things? Am I feeling things? What am I feeling? How should I respond? And really learning to come back into self that self attunement, self awareness is, is very, very critical for the long term healing from trauma.

Absolutely.

So I have a question for you. You transitioned from dealing with your own trauma. Somewhere along the line something caught your energy and you're like, I want to do this to help other people. Can you tell us that story?

Oh, that's a good story. When I got a taste of the benefit of yoga, but the specific type of trauma informed this coming home to myself, I knew immediately I want anyone who's potentially in this in a similar position to be able to feel this. Because I felt hopeless at a time deeply hopeless, disconnected from myself. Difficult to put into words. The hopelessness of feeling like hoop, am I anymore? And then that transition back home to myself was like, I want everyone to have this homecoming. And I love the work Ado does specifically. And I was like, I want to be a part of this team.

And I would. I kept saying, you can and you can.

And Amy was my biggest support. Yeah, she supported me and told me this is beautiful work. And. Yeah.

You know, and I love that story because far too often in our lives we get into a place and we feel stuck and we don't know if there's a way out. We feel hopeless. There's times where we feel so over autonomically overwhelmed that we're like, this is never going to end.

Right.

And I love the way you describe that coming home. Right. Because inside of all of us is this, this home ing device that knows when we're at peace, it knows when there's calm, it knows when we're in a place of like, this is good.

Yeah.

And when I talk with individuals and I ask, when's the last time you felt inner peace? And I, far too often, I don't remember the last time I felt that.

Well, and how many times do you ask that question and just result flood of tears.

Right, right. Absolutely. Because it's been so long that they've had that kind of internal peace that it's a state of. I didn't even, I can't even remember it. I don't even remember the feeling of it. And, and so individuals who are listening, you know, you, you can feel stuck in this place of trauma and, and it may feel like there's no hope. You may feel hopeless or helpless because you've been in it for so long. We've had individuals for years and years and years being in that state and they've had all kinds of health issues and yet when they start down this path towards real Healing, it's almost inevitable that they're going to get in tune with their body. And at some point, you have to confront the trauma stored in the body. It won't be talked out. We can do all of the talk therapy and we will be limited in positive outcomes if we don't learn to listen to the body.

Yes, yes, yes.

The same is true of people dealing with addictive or compulsive behaviors. Because you're misattuned to your body, when your body has a substance in it or it's creating fictitious or not fictitious dopamine from its own system because you're pursuing pornography or other sexual activities or gambling. Reality says when we are in a state where we have those constant emotions, we become misattuned to this body of ours and we don't heal there and we don't find peace there.

Yeah.

All right, final thoughts from you guys, and then I will have some additional thoughts. But I'd love to hear your thoughts, things that you would like to discuss as we close.

Well, for listeners, I would like to ask, Lauren, like you were saying, just some, some simple takeaways right now, if they're listening that maybe you could offer.

Oh, there's so many. I could talk for the next forever.

Well, actually, just so our listeners know, I'm going to interject here. Lauren Hatchet is doing a class on human intimacy dot com. It's called Yoga with low. And you're going to be able to, for our subscribers, you're going to be able to participate in that course and you're going to be able to understand exactly what she's talking about. So you're going to get a chance to listen to her doing this.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

So some quick hacks just for someone listening. People listening today. Okay. Yep.

Number one, get in tune with your breath. Just try taking really long exhales. Let your exhale be longer than your inhale. A longer exhale signals to the brain, I am safe at its core. That's all it does. Understanding where you feel an emotion in your body. And that sounds overwhelming sometimes. I remember the first time someone told me, where are you feeling the pain? Or where are you feeling the fear? I was like, everywhere, Everywhere. But I remember really thinking, okay, where do I feel tense? So that's your answer. Where do you feel any tension in your body when you're experiencing emotion? And see if you can soften that area of your body through your breath. But most importantly, I would just invite. And maybe this feels silly, but if you're Listening, Put a hand on your heart and maybe say something to yourself like, I am here, I am home. I hear you. And most importantly, I love you. From yourself to yourself. There's something very powerful about giving that to yourself. Regardless of circumstance, it brings you right back home.

That's absolutely beautiful, that concept of I love you to self with your hand on your heart. More often than not, we work with people who Prof. Who experience profound shame. And even that concept of I love you would probably bring tears to people with heightened sense of shame. So great, powerful example there. All right, Amy, your final thoughts today.

It's just such a beautiful thing to experience and witness someone who has felt so hopeless and so discouraged and then to be able to make meaning of their suffering and transform that into then blessing so many women. It is, it's such a beautiful experience.

Thank you.

Thank you. So, yeah, I'm in tears. Like that's awesome.

I, I want to do a couple things here. First of all, to our listeners, you know, you, whatever journey you're on in this life, if you want to live a longer life, your body will teach you how. But ultimately we have to learn to listen to what our body's saying. And if it's childhood experience, it's childhood experience. If it's unresolved childhood experience, it will carry with us. Learning how to release that tension, learning how to allow our bodies to find a place that is home is going to be essential for your well being. The other thing I want to say to our listeners is no matter what you feel today, you don't have to feel that way tomorrow. Simple day to day actions can help you take control of whatever you're experiencing. You don't have to stay where you are. And there's always hope. And this is not just a good idea. This is all research based. That's what I love about trauma informed yoga because it's not just, we're just throwing out ideas. It actually fits within a scientific framework of healing from trauma. So find a trauma informed therapist, somebody who understands what they're doing and you will be amazed at how you can accelerate your healing. All right, you two. I, I just, it's so delightful, Lauren, having you with us. I look forward to your course for our listeners. You can look will have a yoga with low on the website. And Lauren, thank you so much for your insights today.

Thank you for having me.

And Amy, always a pleasure to be with you too.

Thank you.

All right, you guys take care. And to our listeners, please share this podcast with your friends, your family and as I often say, with any animals that are in your house as well. But really what I'm trying to say is, please share it, because what we were finding is we're getting more and more feedback. Anyone who has questions, we love to answer questions. If you have a topic you'd like us to cover, let us know. And we will do that, too. All right. May you be blessed with the deep, intimate relationships that your human heart desires. Thank you so much.