Parenting ADHD Positively: Transforming the ADHD Narrative

Foreign. Welcome to Finding Noble, a podcast where we climb into the world of young people's mental health and where we provide support for the adults who support them. I'm your host, Carly Red. Hi, Dr. Skinner.

Hey, Carly, how are you doing?

I'm doing great. Let's dive right in. Today we are discussing ADHD in children and really how to best help parents and children thrive because not in spite of ADHD. Now, correct me if I'm way off base, Dr. Skinner, but rather than referring to ADHD as a neurodivergent diagnosis, as it is commonly referred to, I like to refer to ADHD as a particular and fairly common type of brain modality. Can I say that?

I think absolutely. I think we, we've got so much more knowledge about ADHD than maybe we've ever had. Cause we've been able to do brain scans, we've been able to look at what's happening inside of the brain. And in reality, we could probably just say it's a different brain structure. And people who deal with ADHD or have adhd, I think the best way to say it is they're just experiencing life in a different way than other people. It's not wrong, it's just different.

One, it feels like the population may be growing. I don't know if that's true or not, but it seems like maybe people are just being diagnosed more. But it does seem to be helpful to think of people with ADHD as highly functioning but dysfunctioning in diverse and varied ways, which is how I like to think about it.

And I think if we look at it from a two perspectives, we have children growing up and then we have adults. And one of the things that we have often overlooked is most ADHD symptoms, they start in childhood. So I think it's important to recognize that most individuals who have that ADHD brain, they've been dealing with inattentiveness, hyperactivity, if they have that part of it, for most of their lives. So it's not something that all of a sudden you have, it's something that you've been experiencing for much of your life. And I think that's maybe a starting point of helping everybody understand is you can start to see these symptoms pretty early in life.

Yeah, I really like that. And I think especially as we increase in information and understanding, we are getting better at supporting and educating the, this diverse population of thinkers and brain modules in our homes and in our schools also, which is really helpful.

I, I, I think that's true because for so many years, I, I Have this friend of mine, he and his twin brother are absolutely brilliant. They hold the world record for flying their own planes from the west coast of the United States to the east coast of the United States. These guys, when they think, they think in this just incredible way and you could be with them and their brain's going somewhere else, but they're creating something. And I, I share that because when they were younger, they were classified as, you know, there's something wrong with them. Their teachers contacted their parents, they put them into unique classes. There's something wrong with this child, and it wasn't wrong with them. It's just they were different. And our society didn't know how to respond to these children who were hyperactive, who couldn't pay attention, who couldn't sit down. And now I think we have a deeper awareness of what these children are experiencing, which I think we can have much more compassion when we look at it this way.

I love that example especially, but I heard this recently that when your child gets diagnosed with adhd, it's very common to go Google ADHD and what you're dealing with. But instead this person said, try googling positive ADHD or the benefits of adhd, which I loved that so much. I did this earlier this week and it said, I loved this little portion that I picked out. It says people living with ADHD may have a variety of skills and abilities beyond those of their neurotypical counterparts. They may include hyper focus, resilience, creativity, conversational skills, spontaneity, and abundant energy. People with ADHD have a unique perspective and can often use these ADHD superpowers to their advantage. So would you say it's important to convey these superpowers to your kids too?

I think absolutely. Because even the concept of deficit, attention deficit disorder, even in the language, is not necessarily a positive thing. So I think our communication needs to actually change there and say, my child, they may not be able to pay attention at times, but their brain is working overtime doing a thousand other things. And if we can channel that energy, one of the things that we find is these children are creative, as you said earlier. Right. Their capacity to create and be unique is absolutely phenomenal. So I think even if we change the language, I think we could do a benefit to our children. It's just channeling that energy into that creative them and looking at, let's use this skill, this talent that you have in a way that helps you be productive. My friend and his twin brother, they, they've started multiple multi million dollar companies. Oh, and, and what they've done and what they found is if, if you really look at it is many CEOs, they have many elements of ADHD because that's just how their brains function. Their creativity just goes and. And again, I think it's learning how to channel it. So I think if we look at it that way, we can really understand if we channel it, we can have a lot of creativity, a lot of experiences that maybe those of us without ADHD can't experience and can't create.

Yeah, I really like that you tap into the messaging that we're creating around it, the language that we're using around it, and that if it becomes more positive, even the vocabulary more positive, then it ameliorates the shame and the guilt of not performing just like everyone else around them. Which is not true because I would say, I don't know, I've read different percentages of how many kids currently are adhd. I don't know if you would use the word spectrum, but have tendencies, ADHD tendencies. And some are like 1 in 5 or 1 in 4, you know, and that's such a high number that there should not be shame and guilt or like a deficit. As you said, when talking about it, it should be more positive.

Let's even talk about that. Because what we haven't really taken into account are the socio factors around adhd. Let me give you an example. They did a study a few years ago in Chicago. And for whatever reason, this specific school had children whose ADHD scores were off the charts high. And so they came into the school and they're like, is it the school? Is it the walls? Is there a lock of windows? When they went to the homes, they were literally being taught if you hear a pop hit the ground, that pop was a gunshot. If your brain is constantly in this protection, safety seeking mode, then you're always on alert. Now if you take that concept and you take what our media is doing with our children. Fast paced. Go, go, go, go, go. Data overload. Information overload. We're actually maybe seeing an uptick in ADHD because we have a society where we're getting so much information that it's overwhelming the brain. And so if you can take those children in, in Chicago who were literally being taught to hit the ground when they heard a pop and recognize that increased their awareness, their inattentiveness because they were literally in safety mode. Contrast that with what we're experiencing with the data overload. I think we have an increase in adhd. And part of the reason why I Don't think it's the only reason, but part of the reason why is everything is so fast paced today that it's really hard to go sit in a chair for a few hours at school and not have your mind going a thousand different places.

Yeah, it's kind of like we're inducing hyper stimulus, inducing a sort of all these symptoms. Regardless of if there's a chemical makeup in your brain or not that lends towards adhd. How important is it for children and their parents to receive an actual diagnosis?

I think it's important for us to understand. Let me give it another story. One of the interesting things in a study that was done many years ago and then I had this client come in and verify it, but he, he had been through many years of school. In fact, he was a seventh year senior in college. And he came into my office and if you have been trained to be aware of ADHD symptoms, you begin to recognize it pretty quickly. So when he came into my office and sat down, Thumper came into my office, if you're familiar with the Bambi metaphor. And Thumper was going. And literally his foot was just. I mean, seriously, if I had energy to channel his foot, I think I could have probably powered up our building that day. And so he sits down and he's there and I'm like, after about probably 30 minutes of our interview, I said, have you ever been diagnosed with adhd? And he said, well, you know, clear back in sixth grade, I went to a doctor and they thought, yeah, I think you got, probably got adhd. I said, what did you guys do with it? He said, we didn't do anything with it because I didn't want to take medication and my parents weren't fans of medication. And so nothing's happened since. And I thought, okay, so a seventh year senior in college who wasn't able to focus, and I said, would you do me a favor, just take this quiz. And I gave him a quiz that looks at inattentiveness and hyperactivity. And when he was done, he scored off the charts high. And again, that does not surprise me, given just the language and the dynamics. So I handed him his results. I said, why don't you go talk with a doctor? And so he went and talked to the doctor, he got prescribed some medication and he came back with his wife at this point and he's like, you know what happened to me yesterday? He said, I was sitting in class and for the first time in my entire college career, seventh year senior, I actually heard what the professor Said his wife looked at me and she said, not only that, when I talk to him, I feel that we're able to have a conversation and he's tracking what I'm saying. All right? So I, I wonder what would have happened if he would have been aware of the potential medications that could be taken. Because ADHD medication can be used on a as needed basis. You don't have to take ADHD medication every day. You can take it. Let's say I wanted to focus at school for a day. I had a test. You could do that. So when I start looking at the benefits, I wonder if he would have been a seventh year senior.

I can't even imagine how validating that was for him to feel like, oh, it's not just me. And that I'm, I've been trying so hard. I've been trying harder and harder and.

It'S not working, you know, And I actually commended him. I said, look, I mean. And he said, well, how did you know I had adhd? And I said, well, let's just start off with some of the symptoms, right? So the inability to focus, the, the starting a project and not finishing it, the inability to sit without needing to get up and go do something else. I start projects and I'm not able to actually complete or finish them. So I've got 20 projects going on and eventually I get them done. But it's, I'm doing this one and I'm doing this one and I'm doing this. And oh, by the way, did you know this squirrel? So that means I'm easily distracted, I'm forgetful, and those are just some of the most common symptoms. Then you start looking at the hyperactivity, which again, we have to separate those out because some people just have the inattentive type of adhd and some people have this hyperactive, and that's where their motor's always on it, they're always on go, and they have to be on go. Now, again, I want to just really emphasize this is not a disability. This is not something wrong. This is not a, in my mind, it's not a disorder. It's something that we channel. And when you channel it, your creativity just goes off the charts. So I think if we can change the communication, but we can recognize the symptoms, I could actually be able to say, you know, what if my child needs help? Give them some of those balls that they can move around in their hands while they're at school because their brain needs to be moving, their hands need to be moving. So fidget things would be phenomenal for children with adhd. And if we all are aware of it, it's like, oh, that's helpful to them because it's not like they're not listening in school. It's actually quite the opposite. They're doing listening, and they're focusing here and they're focusing there.

Well, and I imagine if the parent is in communication after maybe a diagnosis with a teacher, then all of a sudden you have a kid who's in class, and the teacher's not like, why are you playing with that? Why are you touching that? Why are you doing that? And then it becomes intentional. I gave them this fidget tool so that they can better listen to you so that you run into less issues. And that communication feels imperative to both the teacher and the child. It feels like it's collaborative that we're working on this together. And I feel like we could do so much better in that regard.

I completely agree. And I think most of the teachers. Recently I was up in Salt Lake City where I was talking with a group of teachers there for a governor's conference for teachers. We started talking about adhd and really interesting conversation. And one of the things that teachers have said, they said, we're seeing more adhd. So the teachers know which children are struggling or dealing with ADHD in their classroom. And now it's knowing how to respond in an effective way. The messaging we're sending and being able to communicate with parents, getting an understanding so the children don't feel like they're being isolated or put out, so to speak, but they're actually just understood. Again, I think this is different messaging, which can be very helpful for the children, for the teachers being aware, and for the parents knowing what's going on. I've had teachers say I can tell when my students taking their medication and when they have.

I've also heard it said that if an adult finds themselves saying try harder over and over to a specific child or student, that frequency shows that something more neurophysical might be happening and that it would be smart to examine, you know, oh, maybe there's some other stuff going on behind the behavior.

Yeah. And one other thing I should say with any kind of a diagnosis, if we would take away the label of it and think of it not as something that's negative, but it's actually informative.

Oh, I love that.

Because it just helps us understand. If I have a history of heart problems in my family, it's not very wise for me to ignore the fact that I've Got heart problems in my family. And, and we know that adhd, many times we are inheriting genetics that actually make us more prone for it. So again, it's just such a different way of looking at this. Like this is an awareness and if I know what I'm experiencing, I can actually do something more intentionally about it rather than thinking there's something wrong with me or why can't I focus? Why am I not like the other students? Why can't I pay attention in class? It's like, oh, this is what's going on. And here's things that I can do that are very helpful for me.

I love that. Moving on, I'd love to discuss some ways we can best support and help the child, our child, or if it's a teacher, a student, thrive with adhd. What are some of the methods or tips, tricks that you can share with us?

So let me share some of the research on this because this is absolutely fascinating. The best research that we now have is that children with ADHD do better with left right hemisphere activities. What that really means is I want my child on that skateboard. I want my child on the mountain. I want my child doing something that requires left right movement. Anything that requires left and right brain hemisphere movement is a better experience than say, just running by itself. So exercise is good for the ADHD brain, but what's even better is movement that requires the left and right hemisphere of the brain. And if you want research to support that, the book Spark by John Rady, R A T E Y has some really good evidence that suggests that those children actually do better who have right left hemisphere movement. If you give a child the option between sitting at a desk and actually going and doing something and creating something, the ADHD child every time will say, I want to do something with my hands, woodwork, anything machinery based, anything that requires them to move their hands is absolutely positive for their overall functioning. In fact, they found that those children who did right left hemisphere movement performed better on their studies and they did better in the school classrooms.

Interesting. So is that maybe equivalent to like something that requires coordination, that it's not just exercise, but something that requires you to find almost like a rhythm, a coordination process?

Yeah. And I think what's happening there is the right and left brain hemisphere is communicating back and forth, and that's actually what's very helpful for the ADHD brain.

Is there something inside a classroom where a student who's trying to complete a project or something that they could be doing in a classroom or maybe at Home with chores. Is there something that you could share.

With us that would be helpful in a classroom? Give your child those fidget things so they can move between their hands again, if a child's spinning a pen, if a child's got a ball in their hand, hallelujah. Because we're at least attending to that natural. Again, children with adhd, I honestly think what they're doing is they're self regulating with those types of activities. Instead of saying stop it, we should say hallelujah. They're actually doing what their body wants them to do. And if we try to shut that down, I think we're actually harming the child's natural soothing strategy. So we move, we let them fidget, we encourage fidget, if we can call it that, fidgeting us. And we recognize that's how they function. It's better for them and it's better for everybody. So in the home, washing dishes is actually a really positive thing. Think about what you're doing. You're washing that dish to do wax on, wax off. It's just one of those things. Get their body moving. Vacuuming forward, backward, forward, backward, act action with the hands actually is helpful for the brain.

Would you say that it helps them stay on task better if they are using their hands like say you, you give them a checklist of chores to go do. Does that help them focus and stay on tasks better rather than being constantly diverted?

So that checklist is. What you just said is really critical. And the reason why it is is because if you tell them, they will forget by the time they get to their bedroom. But if they have a checklist, they can see it and they're like, oh, that's what I'm doing. And it's almost one of those things. So you're extending the brain by creating that kind of a list, which is exactly what their brain needs. In fact, most of us need that today because we're so easily distracted. You give me a checklist and I can see it in front of me. I'm way more inclined to go check, check, check, check, check, done, right? But that is also something that a ch, a child with ADHD could benefit from and the parents as well. Extending the brain is the concept.

I really love that in our home we use post it notes that everybody has a post it note when they get home with their list. It really diffuses any sort of comeback that they don't want to do it or they're too tired or whatever. They have their checklist, they know it. I don't have to be the one to share it. So I am a big fan of checklists and even more so now I've heard time limits are helpful. Is that true?

Yes, absolutely. Now, if they get behind and they feel hopeless, and then. Then you're going to probably get some more resistance and no, I don't want to do that. You'll also find with children with adhd, one of the common things that they'll do is they'll wait and they'll wait and they'll wait and then they'll push themselves to get something done. And the. One of the reasons why or the theories why they do that is the intensity of, of the push. One of the things that we find is they may be pushing themselves because they want the intensity of that rush of, oh, I got it done in time.

Yeah, that's really good feedback. Okay. I've also heard this too, and I don't know if you have any thoughts on this, but I've heard that music helps them latch onto a rhythm and kind of sink in with the time and the flow. My son, who has not been diagnosed with adhd, but does definitely lose track of time, especially like in a shower or whatever. He turns on music in the shower and then he knows how many songs have gone by and he knows, too long, I gotta get out of the shower. It almost helps him. Yeah, get in sync with time.

What you're describing there, depending on the kind of music, there is actually some music that actually is soothing to the racing mind. Now, one of the things that you will find with people who have adhd, they. They get into a. A physiological rhythm. They might be really tired between, say, 6 and 7, and around 8 or 9, they start to get more energy. Nine or 10, they even have more energy. And. And then as the evening goes on to even further, they more en. More energy. That's very common. So I know people with adhd, they go to sleep with music on. They go to sleep with the television on because their brain is being stimulated by that outside data. And so you'll have some children, if you could put on something, it actually helps their brain get into this, into this place where they're being soothed or calm.

That's really good advice. I really like that. Is there anything else that you can think of off the top of your head?

Yeah, there's a whole lot of things, but two or three of them in particular. One of them that I would want to reemphasize is we know that children do better when they are understood rather than feeling judged. And so that understanding is going to go back to the messaging that we've already talked about. But the more awareness we have of what they're experiencing and helping them understand it, it's just so much better for them. The other part of it is working with the community because there is a community of people who are also dealing with adhd. So get a group of people. There's an organization like C H a d d chad.org that has phenomenal resources for parents, for people who are dealing with adhd. So creating a community of support so we're understanding what are best strategies, what are best ideas on how to communicate with teachers, how to work with the community. There are some great resources@chad.org c h a d d.org yeah, I really like.

These words, community collaborative approach because I think there can be a lot of isolation that happens, especially when there's maybe shame or guilt or you, you've experienced just over and over again negative attention for your behavior. And I think yes, getting the child involved, getting the people around you evolved to become part of an equation so that they feel seen and heard and validated, but also less imposed upon, maybe like less commanded. So to become a part of the approach or the equation seems really helpful for everyone. The child, the parents, the teachers, everyone involved.

Yeah, we often say knowledge is power and in this case especially knowledge of what I'm going through is, is empowering. So I don't feel like I'm broken. I don't feel like there's something wrong with me. In fact, I feel like I can utilize this for my advantage, especially when I channel it and I understand how to channel it. So that's the message I think we need to be sending to our children. We need to get that collaborative approach. And then I think there's one other thing that, and that is just as parents, when we recognize maybe our own stuff, maybe I've got adhd, how do I help my child? The same would hold true is, look, you're not broken. It's just understanding of, of how to best channel that. So if I'm a parent, the most critical thing that I've found consistently over time, people who exercise using right left hemisphere, it's like candy for the brain. So anything that requires the right left hemisphere movement could be very helpful for anybody, children and adult dealing with adhd.

And I bet that's very helpful for a lot of these listeners because it's so simple and yet it has such a, a, a ripple, a long lasting effect. I love That I also love this, that I read recently. It's from Suzanne Creswell. She's the author of Unique Learning Solutions, Discover the Ability and Learning Disability. But she says the last thing we want to do is create insecurity or hyper self awareness with our kids who have adhd. And then she says this love helps our children be brave. I loved it so much that we want to create this emotional safety, but that when we're at home and dealing with these issues, to try to keep the environment and the way we speak as positive and as uplifting as possible. Even though I imagine there are many moments that are very frustrating.

Yeah. And I think that's true. There are going to be those moments. But I go back to what's our end goal as a parent. And I think most parents would say I want my child to feel loved. I want them to feel like I care about them, that they matter to me. And the messaging that we send to our children is the more information we have, the more awareness we have of what they're experiencing. So we're all educated, then we can come up with strategies and tools that help them succeed given what they are experiencing in this life. And the more information we have, the more application we have, just the better outcomes we're going to have.

That's really beautiful because I do think that we might be tempted. I mean, we're all busy and something like an ADHD diagnosis can, with a child can feel like one more thing to add to our list of difficulties we have to deal with. But instead of just saying we have this diagnosis, here's a pill, let's move on. That there is great need to understand the nuances of your specific child, how they function and then all the things that they can learn about the symptoms, but also the behaviors of ADHD that can be honed. I like the word honed because you don't want to squash, you don't want to squelch. You want to hone behavior so that they're functioning at their optimal level, even if it they're functioning a little bit differently than the person next to them.

Yeah. And one other thing I we should probably say is there are lots of different medications and I'm not necessarily a proponent in saying every child needs to go on some kind of medication. But. But what I do know is that something like Ritalin, something like Vance, we have Strattera, we have Adderall, so that there are different medications that are possible. But what's interesting about many of these medications is they have what's called extended release. And, and so you could actually take a medication in the morning and about three or four in the afternoon after school, it's worn off. And even today's technology and the understanding of pills and how our body absorbs things, we now know that you could actually give a child something that would help them during school and then it so to speak, wears off and then they have more of that ADHD symptom stuff that's with them the rest of the afternoon or evening. And but it's interesting that when we look at today's medication, we know what can help them in certain times. Let's if I know I have to focus on a test or get an assignment done, probably a good idea for me to consider that as an option. And maybe I just need to focus for two hours or three hours. I don't have to have extended release. I could just have something for two or three hours that helps me focus during this time. So again, I think we're getting more awareness and we can communicate that with our medical care providers, our teachers and everybody's on the same page. We're just going to get better support and help for our children and even ourselves as adults.

So if a parent was hesitant to put a child on any sort of medication, is there anything that we know about long term medication? Will they need to stay on this forever? Will the symptoms of ADHD start to lessen as they age? Will they continue to need to use this up into college like your one friend that you talked about?

Yeah, see there's lots of variables there. So if I'm doing things left, right hemisphere actions, exercise, I probably don't need the ADHD medication. If I have to focus on an assignment, if I have to write a paper, if I have to do a task that requires a lot of sitting at a desk, that's probably the best time for me to utilize it. No, I don't have to take it for the rest of my life. It can be something that you take when you need it as needed. It is something that you can be aware of yourself and say, I'm going into this environment, it would be helpful to have it. So again, it's not like you have to be on it and if you don't take it, it's going to lose its effectiveness. That's just not how ADHD medication works. So let me give you an example of that. Do you know that most people with ADHD do their own self soothing? They do it through their diet soda drinks or their caffeine based Drinks because much of what you get in the medications that are available are actually like stimulants. It's like caffeine. So it's not atypical for people with adhd. They've got their coffee, they've got their diet drink or their soda that has caffeine in it. It's just their way of self soothing or their own way to self medicate.

How does that work? I mean caffeine we know to be like you said, a stimulant. If they're already hyper stimulated, how does that counteract the hyperstimulation?

I'm not a medical doctor, but I can just tell you that when you take a stimulant, it actually slows down the ADHD brain. Something about it actually helps calm the racing mind.

Okay, that's interesting. But yeah, you probably don't want to be giving your kids a bunch of caffeinated drinks. No Red Bulls for your kids.

But again, you often find, and I find this is people often find a way to self medicate because they're trying to slow down, they're trying to get that mind so it can focus this and, and that's actually one of the things that people do. So why not do it with something that is actually monitored and measured? And again, you don't have to. That's just the crazy thing. You can actually do some of these other things like exercise, hand eye movement, creating opportunity for them to do woodwork or something. Create something. All of those things can be very beneficial.

Is there an age that you would say is too early to begin some sort of medication?

Yeah, they, they don't recommend anything before age six, but yeah, absolutely nothing before age six.

Okay, that's helpful. And when would parents who are wondering, hey, I don't know if this is ADHD or if this is just their personality or behavior. What age would you say would be a time to go get diagnosed?

I think when you start seeing the symptoms, talking with the doctor at a regular checkup would all be a good time. So I don't think there's an ever a bad time. They won't do anything before age 6. But realistically, if you're in consultation with a school counselor or a school teacher, there's concerns of things going on in the classroom. I think it's a good idea to get more information. So again, I don't know if there's a specific age, but I do know it's going to have to be at least after age 6.

I think that's helpful. Moving on. I Would love to ask you if there are any external factors that can decrease a child's capacity to self regulate, especially with adhd. Is there anything that maybe we're not aware of that we're doing or not doing that could really help behaviorally?

I think there's probably three or four things. The first one is because of the technology revolution, we've had such an increase in fast paced media production, we might be seeing an uptick in ADHD partially because of the speed and information overload that we're getting in our society. So I think being a little bit more conscientious about how we consume our devices and how much time we spend on them could be very helpful. I think that could actually be facilitating part of this inattentiveness, just because of the speed in which we're getting data. The second part of that actually has more to do with the lack of exercise. And because we're sitting down, we're playing video games or we're doing other things. While those things may be good for the brain, especially if you're doing something like those VRs where you're doing those things, which by the way could be a really good thing, but even then you're supposed to only use for 15 to 20 minutes at a time. So in general, I think we need to get our children active as a way to combat that sedentary lifestyle. So sporting activities, woodworking, again, anything that requires hand, eye coordination, movement would be a way to combat that. But we need to recognize that being sedentary is actually problematic.

That's interesting because I imagine a lot of parents who may be overwhelmed with taking care of kid with adhd, especially one that has more the hyperactive ADHD, that they're tired and that it is probably very easy to allow them to go in front of a screen, say a video game, where they're moving their hands, their minds are engaged and you're not the one having to do it. But like you said, that really fast pace, gobbling all these millions of pixels and information that's going over in your kid's head, and then the lack of exercise that's happening because of that might be making your life harder. Is that what I'm hearing you say?

Yeah. Let me also clarify something. If they're going to be doing something like a VR where they're actually doing some kind of combat, they're playing tennis on that, Absolutely. Spot on. Game on, go. But if they're sitting down doing nothing, mindlessness, scrolling their Instagram or something like that, very different experience. So I want them doing something. And if they're playing a video game, I play a video game that requires left, right hemisphere movement, left, right movement of the hands. And again, we want to monitor our limits because too much screen time can actually influence sleep habits. And sleep habits has a big influence on our overall mental health and well being.

How important is sleep and nutrition in regards to adhd? It's obviously important for everybody, but does it have a greater influence for someone who might be adhd?

When you look at sugar intake, if you have ADHD and high levels of sugar intake, it's the perfect storm for problems, if you want to put it that way. So, yeah, we want to make sure this is for all of us. But healthy nutrition and good sleep are critical components. And it's not uncommon for a child with ADHD or even an adult with ADHD to, to get their extra burst of energy later at night. And so you'll find that there are more likely to stay up late at night. What we would say is the larks versus the owls. They're the owls, right? They're staying up late at night and as a consequence, they're not wanting to get up early in the morning. And so the challenge of that is you've stayed up late and you're now having to get up and go to school early. It's just not a great context for best performance. And so if we're going to help our children, we want to make sure that we get into a routine. Putting away electronic devices, removing them from the blue light that's emitted from the computers earlier, choosing to engage in activities that are not intense, highly emotional experiences right before they're supposed to be going to bed. Those are things that would be beneficial.

And I think we talk about this every single podcast we do. But that upfront work that we're doing feels harder. It feels like it's just more strenuous to create this rigid routine or something where they're getting enough exercise, enough sleep, enough good healthy food. And then what really is happening though, because of that though, is the burden on us is lessened because they are getting their needs met, especially with adhd.

Well, there's a Chinese proverb in Chinese, it's shen ku hou gone, shen is first, coup is cry, ho is after, and gone is candy. So first you cry and then you eat the candy. And, and so metaphorically, as parents, if we cry, cry first, in other words, we create the right environment. We give the education, we give the information, we eat and reap the reward afterwards. That's the concept. And with our children, helping set the right environment, helping them understand why we're doing what we're doing is incredibly valuable because they understand what's actually happening. And again, if we've educated them, they're aware of what's going on, then we recognize, no, we're probably not going to be doing certain things later in the evening just because it's not the ideal for your overall mental health and well being.

That's really well said. And I love that proverb. Yeah, I love that. Okay, so say you are a parent with ADHD and you're trying best to help your child with adhd, but you feel like your own ADHD is getting in the way. Do you have any insight or advice on how parents can best manage this dynamic?

Yeah, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. We do the same things that I've been talking about in our own lives, right? We do the exercises because we know that it actually helps mitigate some of the ADHD symptoms. Doing our own right, left hemisphere activities. I don't care if it's crocheting, whatever it is, we're moving these hands right, left, right, left hemisphere. We're maybe doing something with our child that could be a parent playing ball. Right, left, right, left, playing, playing a sport, all of those things can be beneficial and we don't even realize the benefit until we actually are down the road and have those habits in place. So the other thing I would say is getting your own sleep, structure your own healthy diet and then being aware of maybe I need medication at certain times to help me through certain issues that I'm dealing with. And again, some people say, well, I'll never take a medication. Okay, that's okay. But recognize you're going to need to up the other things that are going to help you with creating structure in your life. So a concept we also talk about is extending the brain. We talked about creating a checklist, getting things that help us structure our life so we're not so forgetful. Putting things into our phone as reminders so we don't forget to do things that would be beneficial or we have to do, but we just simply forget because of the way our brain functions. So extend your brain, utilize checklists, utilize your phone as reminders. Those are some of the things I would say, do those things so you understand this is how we operate. And it's just understanding yourself without judgment.

I just love that there's so much of this collaborative communication with your child. We're going to be doing it together. It naturally eliminates negative shame or negative guilt concerning the whole issue at large. But I also love that you said that as a parent who might be dealing with just an overload of not feeling like you can stay on top of your ADHD or your child's adhd, that those simple routine things of eating well and exercise and sleeping, we often put those on the back burner because they don't feel as important, but that they really are one of the greatest influence for our brain health. I guess I just really want to stress that that over and over again rest and self care is so important to being able to help your kid.

I couldn't agree with that anymore. Again, the only thing I would add to that is let's make sure that we leave out the judgment. I. I'm failing. I'm not good enough. I'm. Maybe it'd be better if they had another parent who didn't deal with what I deal with. I mean, you just listen to that dialogue. In truth, you might actually be the best for your child because you understand them and you're going through some very similar things or have been through some similar things. Hopefully we're more educated, hopefully more. We're more aware and understand what we can do to support and help our children.

Wow. This was the feast. I honestly was wondering how we were going to cover so much information on ADHD in one episode. And yet you still brought so much, so many good things that I never heard about. I hope listeners were able to pick up on a lot of really helpful insights and maybe even advice or tips, tricks, all the things. Do you have anything else you'd want to add before we close up today?

My only thing is let's just look. And on a positive note, and that is take ADHD and take the creativity, the gift you have, if I can call it that, the gift you have. Take that gift and utilize it. Because if you utilize it, you will be a successful business person, you will be creative, you will be a leader because your brain operates in a way that naturally makes you creative. So let's turn it into a strength and utilize it as such.

That was powerful. Thank you so much. And also, as we were just preparing for this podcast, I came upon so many other resources. There are podcasts that specifically deal with adhd. They have hundreds and hundreds of episodes already. So some of those are, if you're interested. One's called Tilt Parenting Podcast. The Faster Than Normal podcast. Beautifully complex, was a really good one. And honestly, if you just go into your wherever you find your podcast and type in adhd, especially parenting adhd. So many will come up and there's so much good information and also support, which is crucial. So thank you so much and thank you, Dr. Skinner, for sharing your wisdom. So thank you.

And thank you, Carly. It's always fun to be with you.

Okay, bye everybody. You've been listening to Finding Noble. I'm Carly Red. Follow Finding Noble on all available podcast directories and find out more on our website, findingnoble.com that's finding Noble Noblen O B L E dot com and if you or anyone close to you are looking for further resources on young adult and adolescent mental health, Dr. Skinner and a host of other leading professionals working in the mental health world share courses and even answer your questions, all on parentguidance.org that is parentguidance.org brought to you by the Cook center for Human Connection.