Monique ThompsonLicensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor & Infidelity Recovery Specialist

#10 reason infidelity counseling isn’t working is you keep asking the wrong questions!

22 Jun 2025 · 1 min

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1:17

In this brief solo segment, Dr. Monique Thompson explains that the tenth reason couples’ infidelity counseling fails is the tendency to ask a single “why” question—“Why did this happen?”—which narrows focus and leaves the process stuck. She argues that infidelity is a complex, multi‑factorial event that requires opening the inquiry wide to explore each partner’s contributions, the interaction of many factors, and the “perfect storm” that led to the betrayal. By limiting the conversation to a single answer, couples feel they have tried every workshop, book, and coach without progress. Dr. Thompson proposes a deep‑dive, comprehensive approach that examines all underlying causes, and she ends with a candid invitation to work with her, warning that the work will be intense (“welcome to hell”) but assuring it can be done.

Chapters

Hi, I'm Dr. Thompson, and number 10, number 10 on reasons why your counseling, your couples counseling for infidelity is not working is because you're asking why. Why did this happen as a single question instead of opening wide, opening really, really wide and seeing that there are multiple factors, many, many reasons, and none of them simple, a lot of them complicated. So asking why and saying, but why did you do it? Or why did I do it? Gets you stuck. And that stuck means you're not moving forward. And that not moving forward means that it feels like all the conferences, workshops, retreats, books, mini sessions, relationship coaching, life coaching, couples— I mean, you've done everything and it feels like you're getting nowhere. And sometimes it's because you want a single answer, why, and the answer is bigger and wider. And you want to find out where did this all start, what did I contribute, what did they contribute. How did all these different factors interact with each other? What all came together for the perfect storm that resulted in this event? That's how we go about it when we're taking a deep dive and doing deep work. All right, welcome to work. Welcome to hell. And it can be done though, okay? Trust me on that. And if you're coming to work with me, get ready. Put on all your stuff, all your gear. Let's get down to work. All right, see you soon.