Monique ThompsonLicensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor & Infidelity Recovery Specialist

Reason #6 why counseling after the affair is not working

18 Jun 2025 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

1:02

In this brief YouTube monologue, Monique Thompson identifies a key reason why counseling after an affair often fails. She explains that one or both partners may attend therapy merely to "check the box"—to be able to say they tried counseling—rather than to engage in the therapeutic work. This external, image‑driven motivation, driven by a desire to avoid public embarrassment about not having tried therapy, leads to superficial attendance without active participation. Thompson emphasizes that this behavior is a "therapist's nightmare" and applies to both the cheating partner and the one who was cheated on. She urges couples to attend with the intention of doing the work, not just to appear compliant, if they hope counseling can be effective.

Chapters

Every therapist's nightmare. This is every therapist's nightmare. Reason number 6 why infidelity counseling does not work is because one or both partners are secretly just checking the box to say they came to therapy. They're, they're trying to do attendance, perfect attendance for therapy, and they're not actually showing up to do any work. They just want to say we tried therapy. Every therapist's nightmare is when Somebody says, I really need help, I really need help, but you're really externally motivated. You just want to avoid the public embarrassment of not saying you tried counseling. You want to avoid the public embarrassment of saying we didn't try when really you stopped trying before the affair happened. And I'm not just talking about the person who cheated. It could also be the person who was cheated on. So reason number 6 why infidelity counseling doesn't work is because y'all trying to kill the therapist. No joking. Yeah, because you're only showing up for attendance. And not for active treatment. So show up and actually plan to do the work, and things can possibly work out.