Monique ThompsonLicensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor & Infidelity Recovery Specialist

Relationship Tip: 50 milliseconds is all you get to establish safety

11 Aug 2025 · 1 min

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In this concise video, Dr. Monique Thompson explains that the brain can detect inconsistencies in a partner’s behavior in as little as 50 milliseconds, making it extremely quick to re‑trigger distrust after a breach of trust. She notes that only about 10% of brain activity is consciously accessible, meaning most trust‑related processing occurs below awareness, which slows the rebuilding process. Because the brain is wired to distrust faster than it trusts, she advises that restoring safety requires consistent, day‑by‑day, moment‑to‑moment actions from both partners, emphasizing gentle, steady effort rather than quick fixes. The video ends with a call to follow her for more science‑based trust‑recovery tips.

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50 milliseconds. That's faster than the blink of an eye. That's how long it takes for someone who you've broken their trust to find an inconsistency and fail to believe you all over again. You'll say, when are we going to let the past be in the past? The truth is, when my brain tells me that I'm safe with you. You are only able to access 10% of your brain's activity. 90% of it is beyond your conscious awareness. So it takes a lot of time for somebody to rebuild trust. And remember, your brain is faster to distrust and to see inconsistencies. So if you're trying to build trust, you've got to clock in day for day, moment to moment, just a gentle step at a time, trusting that your partner is giving it their all and you give it your all too. I'm Dr. Monique Thompson. Follow me for more tips on recovering trust in relationships based on science. See you soon.