In this heartfelt testimony, the speaker recounts living in a cramped Nigerian "face‑me‑I‑face‑you" apartment and preparing for a major prayer meeting with great expectations. He fasted, prayed, and even spent his savings on a special outfit, arranging transport to the venue. On the day, heavy rain and a near‑empty crowd turned the event into a disaster. Overcome with anger and resentment, he preached harshly, felt abandoned by God, and stopped his personal devotions for weeks. Despite the turmoil, he sensed God's lingering love, which eventually led him to confront his bitterness, reach the end of his spiritual rope, and begin a process of surrender and renewal.
Chapters
I remember years ago, I was living in a face-me-I-face-you apartment. If you know what that means, then you're a Nigerian. That kind of house where you have just rooms, people facing each other. You have to manage everywhere. You have to share the toilet, you have to share the kitchen. That was the kind of place that I was. Planning a major meeting, separated myself to fast, to pray. And guess what? In one of those prayer meetings, I heard God say to us, a word of prophecy came, that I'm going to do in this meeting what I've never done before. Before the day of the meeting, I imagined what was going to happen at the meeting, the flow of the Spirit, mighty outpouring. I went to a fashion designer and I emptied my account to make a white native. I wanted to look like Benin. The fellowship went to go borrow a car from a fellowship on campus because Pastor Lazarus wanted to use the car. So they came with that bus to pick me from my Face My Face U house and straight to the venue of the meeting. What I noticed was that it was raining heavily. When we got to the venue of the meeting, I was hearing sounds from afar. I thought the sound was going to be the least of my problem till I stepped into the venue of the meeting. Then I saw something strange, a sight no visionary want to see. It was almost empty. The people we had invited, nobody showed up. The gospel minister we invited to come and sing, as he held the mic, because of the rain, it was shocking them. So you were having all kinds of sounds everywhere. It was shapeless and formless. And there I stood with anger, resentment, pain, questions in my mind. God must have lied to me, I said. Like it was. I climbed up to preach and I was so angry. I preached with anger. Every altar call I called that day It was a pain. I called them like, "If you are not ready to give your life to Christ, go and die and burn in hell! You should go and all!" That was the feeling I had. While everyone was seeing a great man of God, I wasn't seeing that. I was seeing my failures. The devil began to flash right in my eyes all the things I've done that didn't work. I felt my life, I was doomed to fail. And when I got home, For the next couple of weeks, I stopped praying. I never had my morning devotion. I didn't have my quiet time. Didn't want to call on God. He had failed me, I said to myself. And everything just kept going down and down. Yet in the midst of that, I could still feel a sense of His love around me. And finally, I got to the end of my rope. I got to the end of the divine malice I was keeping with God, the end of myself and all the resentment I had towards God. And usually one of the things you want to accept in those days is that you also resend those who are doing better. Yes, you heard me.
