FROM DYSFUNCTIONALITY TO FUNCTIONALITY 3

Welcome to an encounter with the spirit, word, and prayer through the prolific apostolic and teaching ministry of Apostle Femi Lazarus, lead pastor of Sphere of Light Church Global. It is his vision to raise God's end-time armies. God has not called you to prove you are the best. He has not. As a leader, you are a broker of gift and talent. So brace up for an experience. We honor your holy name, Jesus, and we thank you. Before the beginning began, you have been, and when all things folds up, you will still be here. You don't need me to be the kind of God that you You are God all by yourself. I return all praise and glory to you. And as a house, we are grateful, Lord, and we thank you. Blessed be your holy name. In Jesus' mighty name we are praying. All right, let's put our hands together for Jesus. Amen. Is that the best you can do? Thank you. Amen. You may please be seated. God bless you. Um, maybe you want to greet someone to your right and to your left and say good Good evening. Welcome to church. Welcome to church. And you want to invite someone who should be with us online and say, hey, hello, started. Amen. All right, let's turn our Bibles quickly. To the book of Genesis. Genesis. We'll start the reading from Genesis 1, from verse 26. Then we go to Genesis chapter number 2. Then we go to Genesis 3, so we can lay proper foundation. If you are there, say amen. All right, everyone should be there on the screen now. Genesis 1 from verse 26: And God said, let us make man in our image and after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, And over the fowl of the air, and every— over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. So God created man in his own image. In the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Okay, um, verse 28. And God blessed them, and God said to them, be fruitful, multiply, and replenish the earth. The word— maybe for International School of Ministry students, wave your hands, let me see if I'm going to give this code I wanted to give. All right. So you understand that the word replenish means to refill. All right, if you don't get that, it just be a code between us. Subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that moves on the earth. All right, so this is, um, the intention of God from the beginning. Let us make man. And I want to lay Foundation now. Okay, so the design is male and female. Is that basic enough? Unfortunately, it is not as basic as we think. That's, that's the design. There is no such thing as the, the way I was created, I am attracted to my own sex. It's this There's— that's not the order of creation, because we are discovering that that abnormality is not stopping there. Um, people are marrying dogs and marrying donkeys, and I've seen someone got married to a tree. And, um, I think the most recent one I've seen was a woman who got tired of waiting and then married herself. And all this is coming from the idea that we should just do whatever makes us feel good. And I think I spoke about that on Sunday, that sometimes what makes you feel good is not good. Ah, sometimes what makes you feel good is not what good There are things your flesh may desire, but they are wrong. Is that okay now? They are what? Wrong. So that's the foundation. So when God made man from the beginning, the Bible said he made man what? Male and female, meaning that God had the idea, the consciousness of family from the very beginning. It was not church first. It was family first. Is that okay now? It was not church first, it was family first. That's the idea. The church, um, is a part of the society, but the family is the foundation of the society. The people you see in different walks of life are all coming from one place. From the doctor that saves life to the one who kills people, they are coming from different places. So the idea from the beginning is what? Family. Say after me, family. Say after me again, family. That's God's idea when he created man, family. So you can't be afraid of getting married. Because, I mean, we are not dead. So whenever you say, oh, happy wedding anniversary, are you deceiving us? No, you are not. Amen. So that's the idea. God is family conscious. In fact, when he said, let us make man in our image, what he wanted was family. What he wanted was what? Family. From the beginning. Are you with me now? Now pay attention to this. The moment the devil saw that, um, family was God's design, an idea, the first thing the devil fought was family. Genesis chapter number 3. Um, let me jump Genesis 2 for the sake of time because we have a long way to go. Now look at Genesis chapter number 3. Let's start the reading from, um, verse 1. If you are there, say amen. Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, 'Yes, has God said to you that you shall not eat of every tree of the garden?' Now that— you must understand the intelligence in that question. That's not a simple question. Sometimes intelligent things may look casual, but that's, that's a very deep question. See, when the serpent is saying that, 'Has God said that?' You cannot eat of any tree of the garden. What that insinuates is God must be cruel, so he left you here to starve. You see, let me tell you something. Look up. Beware of people who give you the impression that you're under a bondage only to bring you under greater bondage. Ah! Really? Ah, are you the one your wife is treating like that? Oh my God, she didn't know what God gave her. If she knows what— and they are pumping your head until you get to this same one and that head is knocked out. Ah, are you the one your husband is treating like this? My God, imagine your ex coming to tell you, are you the one your husband is talking to like that? Oh my, if only he knows what God gave him. So, Oga, you saw her now, why didn't you go for her? You don't interrupt people's family. People who are quiet now, all this extreme care. My God, imagine somebody just see my wife and say, such a beautiful woman. Are you the one Apostle is kissing like that? I will interrupt. What do you mean? Come, let's talk man to man. You see a man like you here, you are asking— no, I would love to interrupt. Imagine taking your wife to eat somewhere, another man is coming and say, is this what he can afford? But he's just being stingy. Man like me. So the devil came to paint God bad, but actually to bring them under bondage that they were not. So it must be— and that's why if you look at the direction of the conversation, ah, God knows that the day you eat of this tree, you become like him. So God must be keeping some things away from you. He knows, he knows. You see, let me tell you something. When God— please pay attention, this is a fundamental knowledge you need to have— when God blesses you with something, don't listen to any voice that gives you the impression that God has not done enough. Is that okay now? Aha. When God bless you with your own spouse, look at that spouse with gratitude. And tell yourself always, godliness with contentment, what? Great gain. All right, I've shared the story with you. I went to buy a TV years back. I had my budget. I had my budget. So me walking through the showroom is not for anything, is to check which one meet my budget. So I bought my budget, all right. Then a lady came and said, oh, sorry sir, there's this new TV, you've not seen it. I said, this one, it's touchscreen. This— I said, I don't want anything after I have paid what I can afford, will only bring me sorrow. Nothing is small until you compare it. You see that now? Nothing is small. So the fact that you want to show me, I paid what I can, should I steal money for this one? Are you following what I'm saying here? As far as life is concerned, this is what God has for me. Okay, there is— listen to what I'm saying— there is no design for another satisfaction outside this. In this one life, this is God's design, period. See, there's nothing more. It is superfluity of nothingness. Look at what the Bible says. James 21. James 21. You must learn to look at your spouse and say, you are enough. Are you there? James 1:21. If you are there, say amen. Now look at this, let me start the reading from here. James 1 from verse 21 says, wherefore— all right, they, they're not projecting. All right, say, um, lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of what Naughtiness. And received with meekness, received with meekness the engrafted word which is able to save your souls. So there is such a thing as called superfluity of naughtiness. Have you been— have you driven on the road before and you see something that looks like water in front, only to get there and discover that there's nothing there? We call it a mirage. Anything the devil promises outside what God has to give you is a mirage. Let me tell you this in case for those who are still single, and this will save you. You see, if you live your life the way God has designed for you to live your life, um, one of the blessedness you will have is that you will have no basis of what to compare your spouse with. Are you following what I'm saying here? Now I'm going to give you the balance. Let's say you've not exposed yourself to unnecessary things. Eh, let me keep it at that. You have no basis for comparing your spouse. But you see, the moment you have a spouse and you have certain individuals and say, ah, I wish my wife is as sweet as that, or my husband is as good as that, that's the base, that's the foundation of problems. So what do you do if you notice that you have had certain exposure, either you are married or unmarried, and you see that this can from a blockade in my heart, you pray it out. Are you following what I'm saying there? You do what? You pray it out. You see, you plead the blood of Jesus over your mind. Many, many people have not believed that prayer solves things. They've not believed. People don't believe. We talk about prayer, but only few knows the power of prayer. Only few. Are you with me now? Don't, don't be, don't be afraid. Do you believe in the power of prayer? Are you aware that God can help you forget an ex that you can't forget? Ah, an ex that has left you with too much to remember. I'm telling you, it will help you. Amen. We suspend this activity till after the service. It's done. Say I hear. All right, so lay apart all filthiness, every thought, wrong thinking, wrong— don't let the devil give you things to nurse. And that's why you— if you are— I'm going somewhere. If you are going to live the quality of life that God wants to live, block the devil out, block every channel. And I've said this again and again, you, you don't really have a business with your ex. That doesn't mean you are keeping malice. It means there's something called safe distance. And sometimes what is safe is that there's no communication at all. Are you with me? Ah, I'm telling you, sometimes what is safe is that there's no communication. I, I thank God for you enjoying your life. Be good and God bless you. If you take it to the point where you are now discussing with your ex about your wife or about your husband— that is not treating me right, I wish we are together, I wish it was you I married— I wish what happened never happened. I wish we never had to go separate ways. That's, that's superfluity of naughtiness. It's not going to get you anywhere. Let me tell you something: if you pray against adultery, then avoid your ex, particularly if it is an ex that both of you have history. In terms of touching each other. Are you with me now? Now don't look at me like you don't understand what I'm saying. Do you understand what I'm saying? I'm not speaking King James, I'm speaking Message. You understand what I'm saying? Because everywhere is come. Amen. There are, there are certain things to be careful of in this life. I'm telling you that you don't want to open door for temptation. There are kinds of gym instructors you will avoid. True, huh? Talk to me now. I'm telling you, because of your mind, this person is everything you have ever wished for. He has the chest, your husband's tummy is already out. And when he comes, the way he walks, even your husband is looking through the window and said, is this my house? And he said, I don't want to see that guy. I just like him, I just like— he's the best around. My friend, get a female gym instructor. What do you mean? I mean, this gym instructor will finish and massage you and be— what kind of Apologies to gym guys, please. Apologies. When we get to the gym, we'll settle it. But I'm saying that good homes demand sacrifices. Yes, demand sacrifices. Are you following what I'm saying here? Demand sacrifices. Um, Because that's, that's God's original design. So what happened from the beginning? The family system was messed up because of sin. Man was corrupted with his seeds in his loins. And what happened? He gave birth to a dysfunctional child, Cain. You see, children become exposed to attack once parents are not getting it right. There are battles that people started fighting in life that they would have— they will have no business fighting if somebody got it right, if somebody obeyed God, if somebody listened to God, if somebody paid the price. See, they have to shut the doors. You have to shut the doors. Let them shut the doors so air can't enter. Amen. Are you following what I'm saying here? Very important. So you tell yourself from the get-go, I will not expect privileges without sacrifices. And you see, it is— anybody can be loud talking about privileges until time comes to pay the price. I'm telling you, the moment time comes to pay the price, you know who is who. So you will inform yourself again and again, I will pay the price for my children yet unborn. I didn't hear amen to that. I will pay the price for my children yet unborn. I will be to them the kind of father I never had. I will be to them the kind of mother I never had. That's the way to think. You see, you don't sit down sulking. I'm going to get into some deep stuff. But you don't sit down sulking and say, I wish, I wish, I wish. Convert that energy into building. Anger is a very important commodity in life. Sometimes you will never get anywhere without anger. Anger will push you, and I mean good anger, not the one you break. It will push you to think differently. It will push you to see life differently. No worries, stay with me. Are you following what I'm saying here? Anger that you have seen things, you, you, you hate the way they are, but you have learned to channel that emotions into building right. You will build right. You will build right. You will build right. Your children will never have to fight the battles you fought. They will never have to go through the pain you went through. They will never have to suffer the things you suffered. You will build right. You will build right. At the end of the day, your children will call you blessed. In the name of Jesus, they will call you blessed. Sit down for a moment. All right, are we good? So Let me also say this. Um, it may be a bit off, but please listen attentively. Let's pray in the Holy Ghost for a minute. Let's just pray in the Holy Ghost for a minute. Please pray. Just pray in the Holy Ghost for a minute. Shakatarago shente. Just for a moment. Take a minute to do that. 30 more seconds. Spray in the Holy Ghost for a minute. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, thank you, Lord. Amen. Now look at this. The moment we open the door for the devil to attack our minds, to attack the foundation of families, to attack our perception about how a home is to be built You cannot avoid the consequence. Are you with me? Because sometimes their mind is, what's going to happen? Relax. See, doing things wrong and avoiding consequences is like falling from a very tall place and say, no, I can't die. No, God designed life by the principle of cause and effect, that there are certain things that are necessary effect of doing certain things wrong. If you get certain things right, there are things that will be right too. If you want long length of days, there are things that the Bible says to do. If you breach that contract, it will affect the length of your days. If you want your days to be sweet and interesting, there are things that the Bible says to do. The moment you breach that contract, it will affect the quality of the life you live. If you want to have children who will know God, there is a way to build that kind of family. The moment you breach that pattern, you cannot avoid the effect. You see, let me tell you this: to breach pattern— the moment a pattern is built, the only thing that can bring balance again is mercy. You cannot really compare the pain of children who did not see dysfunctionality with the ones who saw dysfunctionality. You cannot compare their orientation in the way they see life, in the way they perceive God, in the way they perceive church, in the way they perceive family. The moment the bridge is broken, certain things are necessary consequences. You will not be the one to break the bridge of your own home. You will not be the one to break the bridge of your family. You will not be the one to break the bridge of your household. Are you following what I'm saying here? Let me tell you this: you are coming from a place where right now you are the only one trying to think differently. They will sin with impunity, no accountability structure. Nobody takes responsibility for any action. Here you are struggling and fighting. You may look down on yourself that, why am I battling with this? I'm not saying remain there, but I'm saying keep fighting the good fight of faith. Never get to the point where you give up and say, no, no, no, since this person has done it, this one has done it, Who am I? The hand which— who has separated you, that same hand will keep you. That pattern that you don't want to repeat, you will not repeat it. In that area that you don't want to fail, you will not fail. Are you aware it can become so bad that those who have failed in certain areas will wait for you to fail too? Because you must prove what you— you that you claim to be different with all your church, you show us how you are different. And sometimes can be so bad that the home that the child came from, the same home is waiting. When he fails, come back to us. You think you know better than us? You think you can do better? You think you have found any Jesus? When you fail, come back. But unto him that is able to keep you from falling, unto him that is able to keep you from falling, unto him that is able to present you spotless. It is a big lie from the pit of hell. You will not fail. Please be seated. I believe that the church as a family structure is the replacement for compromised family system. Sometimes it can be unfortunate. You see, what you are allowing to get complicated bit by bit can become so bad that you or yourself as a father or mother, you begin to walk hand in hand with the devil. Everything the devil ever wanted for your children, you are not the one pronouncing them in curses because you have not given Jesus a place in the house. It will not be your portion. Are you aware what I'm saying is a reality? That somebody can be getting married in a place and they look at you and say, oh, Since you have been trying to prove that you are better than us, let's see how you go about it. And are you aware that the ill wish of men has power? Their thinking has power. This is the reason why it goes beyond having a good heart. There are things you must dislodge with prayer. There are appetites you start seeing in yourself and say, no, this is not so found in Christ. Are you following what I'm saying here? This looks like I'm about to repeat a pattern. Don't just hear a sermon, pray! Particularly when it looks like if you do it, you will not be the first one to do it. If you get this child out of wedlock, you will not be the first one to have it. If you have adultery now as a case, you will not be the first to have it. It looks like the family system is conducive for it. When you hear a sermon like this, don't just say amen. You pray yourself out of desires. You pray yourself out of temptations. You pray yourself out of certain thinkings. Are you following what I'm saying here? You look at your life and say, in the name of Jesus Christ, I insist it will not go the direction of the rest. In the name of Jesus, I insist it will not go the direction of the rest. I am different, washed with the blood of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Breaking out of dysfunctionality is a warfare. Sometimes the war is with your emotions first. You don't know how to reciprocate love. You look at yourself, you say things you regret saying it, but you know where it is coming from. You respond and react to matters in certain way, you regret it, but you know it is because of the things I faced. It's okay. Don't cut yourself to sizes. You have made that mistake. Lock the door. In the name of Jesus, I can love correctly. In the name of Jesus, I respond correctly. In the name of Jesus, I see life correctly. In the name of Jesus, I am no longer afraid. In the name of Jesus, trauma is broken. Sometimes if you don't get like this, you keep making the same mistakes again. Are you following what I'm saying here? You must learn to pray for yourself. See, listen, don't sit down cutting yourself to sizes and say, why am I like this? Why am I like this? I've done it again. No, pray! How do you pray for everyone else except you? Pray! Sometimes it looks like something is pushing this person, that with your own hand you will destroy your home, which— which you say things, you wonder, what have I done? But that reaction is coming from a place, a wound that is open. The devil takes advantage of pain to manipulate lives and destinies. You say, this wound is still open. Jesus, you are the Balm of Gilead. I expose this wound to you. Let your life and breath blow upon these things. What was missing in my life, you have replacement for it. I might have grown up without a family structure, but I've come to expose myself to you. Help me. And that's what I've told you, one of the best prayers you can pray is Jesus, help me. Is anyone saying it again? Help me. Say it again. Help me. Say it again. Help me. I cannot help myself, help me! I shared my story with you before. At certain points in my life, I couldn't attend wedding ceremonies. Wedding? When people tell me they are getting married, I look at them and I say, only fools are getting married. What do you mean by getting married? When I'm forced as a leader pastoring people on campus and I have to attend one of their weddings, I sit down at the back and I fold my hands, shaking my head. When it's time to take the vow, I will get out. I never— maybe the only vow I ever witnessed in my life before I got married, maybe 2 or 3. I will never vow. I did not know that a quiet decision has been made in my mind that I'm not getting married, at least not yet. You'll be in a relationship, the moment the girl starts mentioning introduction— intro what? Intro what? Consider me gone. And sometimes you have been conditioned like that and you don't know why. You know, you can carry certain things, you don't even know where it came from. You are trying to trace at what point in my life did this fear become a part of me? You may not be able to tell, but the thing is that it's actually there. Once you see it, it must die. You start telling yourself, I can marry like the rest. No, I can and I will. I will not perceive marriage as prison. No, it is not a place where people are taken to for slaughter. No, I will have a good one. Are you following what I'm saying here? Confession of faith. It's beyond just talking. 3 entities must hear: God, the devil, and yourself. You keep saying it. He said, my ears are not heavy that I can't hear you, my hands are not short that I can't save. He hears you. The devil needs to know what you have decided to insist upon so he can try another way. The last entity that needs to hear is you. God can permit something good, but you have not permitted it. Everyone is afraid. There are too many stories to go around. Oh God, let me tell you something. Anytime the devil succeed in doing something around, he wants to also generalize it. If I can do this, I can make your own bad too. But na lie. Are you following what I'm saying here? Sometimes the fear is every good person around me is married. Who is left? Did you read the story of Abraham that took the knife on the plain of Moriah to slaughter Isaac, and God said, don't lay your hand on that child, for there's a ram caught in the ticket? There is always somebody around you can't see. No, there is. There are individuals that it will take God to bring you together. Are you following what I'm saying here? It doesn't matter how much you can search, it is God who reveals. Never live in that fear that since I'm getting old, anything that comes— I didn't say anyone, there are things, there are things. I pray for you from the depth of my heart, your hands will not become wrongly joined in marriage. Say amen loud and clear. So on Sunday I showed you that there are consequences for certain decisions or directions that people have decided to tow. The moment I make up my mind Through the grace of God that strengthens me, and I will live a life of faithfulness, commitment to the, um, vows of marriage, and serve God and my generation in my own time. There are consequences for that decision, and there are good consequences. Failure to make a decision is a decision. So, um, both of you outside the relationship, what's your view about sexual purity? And let God just help us. Now, like, say, you know, this thing, uh, um, so only God helps people. You see, when people, people are very smart, when they all those thing, they now know scripture. Only God help people. So I've just decided that only God will help us, you know. Okay, what decision have you made in partnership with that help that you want to receive? What is the help coming to strengthen? Are you following what I'm saying there? Listen to what I'm saying. You must decide on everything. That I will not shout at my spouse must be a decision. Say, eh, let's just see how it goes, um, you know, something can trigger— no, no, don't leave it open-ended. Don't leave it open-ended. The reason why a man can lift his hands and slap the wife, or the woman, because now we must put the both, can also raise the hand and slap the man, is because both of them left that decision open-ended. Ah, I know God will help me, but you know, talk, just let's just pray that will not be provoked because the devil is really a stupid devil. Let's just pray. So because provocation is not really a good thing and all that, that's a potential killer. Are you following what I'm saying here? Do you— I mean, have you seen marriage vows online that will you love, honor, and submit to this man as the head of this union? Say love, honor, and sub— sub— sub— what? Submit what to? He's asking what? The man who is there smiling, he say, just say, just say, put the camera. In another 3 months you are crying. I think I saw one, he said, um, will you do everything now including your phone? He said, including what? This is just a relationship, 6 months. Several times we were arguing, he will get so close and he hold it back. He say he has self-control. I've observed him. You see, nobody You have not found a better lawyer than a girl who is trying to defend her reason for marrying a bad guy. Betty, she will win. With that, Betty will win any case in court with good defense. When I see that you are about to enter into hot water, I say no, no. It's because you don't know him. Because you don't know him. If you know him, How many of you can really say the fellow who gave you those cars, you did not see before you say yes to the person? You saw it now, just say let's just wave it. I mean, people change. The mother couldn't change him. Salvation did not change him. The Holy Ghost has been there, did not change. Say no, no, I will change him. Unchangeable changer. I will change him. You know, when— see, I've taught before in secondary school and primary. I mean, when I, when I relate to people, I changed. Just help I write certificate of frustration. This— you are looking at somebody who will cry for a long time, and vice versa too, boys. Tears are not compulsory. They can be avoided. See, go back home. Don't say, well, you are talking to us, what about that person? No, face you too first. You focus on yourself. Say, now that I'm not even married, I don't even know the person I'm going to marry. I've heard people say things like, God let this person to be hearing Apostle at this season. I don't know, I don't know, but you hear me. Is that okay now? And go back and lock yourself up. I might have seen my mother shout down at my dad. I will not. My house will not become a place of shouting and noises. No, we will not do that. I might have seen my dad do this to my mother. I will not do it as a man. I pledge my absolute devotion to God and to the vows of marriage. It is a warfare. What did I say? Patterns are easy to repeat. Any ground the father lose becomes a field that the children will fight in. So you separate yourself in the name of Jesus Christ. I am covered with the blood of— it is not enough to hate a thing, you must be energized not to do it. You make those decision. Husband and wife, I don't care what has happened before, you go back to the drawing board. What is our decision? We are agreeing together under God, in this house I will no longer bang the phone on your ears when you are talking. Write it down, sign. I will no longer leave my matrimonial bed when I'm— because I'm angry. Write it down, sign. I will no longer reject your food no matter the anger. Write it down and sign. I know it can be painful to eat when you are angry, but night will be long if you don't eat. Now all the ego, now you say, give me me, leave the food. What do you mean? 1:00 a.m., you think it's 5. You are looking at the ceiling and you are trying to sneak back to the kitchen to eat the same food. God helps you, she has eaten it. The anger is multiplied the following day. Or you pick the food that she cook, you microwave, you are sneaking. Why all this stress? And there she was behind you saying, huh? I say, see, I'm just warning you now, it's just because I'm not happy. I'm not happy. Eat first. Eat. Somebody has made you sad, eat first. Then you say, I hear. Let me tell you something. When you open a window for the devil, it becomes a field. The devil will never keep it at the size you are leaving it. He will expand it. Yes. I will never lay my hands to beat my wife. But once you are angry, you get close, pushing chairs to push each other. No, very soon that hand will be raised up one day. So you will stand there and ask yourself, what have I done? And what you don't know is that you have opened a floodgate. If there's any family here that there is domestic abuse, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, we'll break that nonsense. Say the amen loud enough. We break the nonsense. Now this is where I'm going really today. I've laid very important foundation. How do you— hmm, let me put it like this: how to love a spouse from a dysfunctional family. Put it at a subtopic: how to love a spouse from a dysfunctional family. So let me explain. You see, there are words we use carelessly. Are you with me? Um, words like 'I love you,' it's, it's fantastic. It's fantastic, but you can say it a billion times, but do you know how to love this person? I put it to you that the way to love a person from a dysfunctional background is different, different. So I am marrying a woman that her father was never present in her life. How can I love this one? Because there is a way life has now designed this person to think, and there are certain things if I start doing, I'll be perceived wrongly. What may mean love— what may be love to me may mean threats to her. This is a man whose father or mother was not present in his life. And as a woman, I'm marrying this man now. Certain things that needs to be formed are not formed. Who is he? How is he now wired? What is the significance of the absence of this person in his life? How can I love this person at his level? These are important questions because I tell you, you will meet the biggest frustration if you think love is general. See, when the family is attacked, people have become what they really don't want to become, but what they have been conditioned to become. So it means that there are battles that humans should not fight, but now they have to fight that battle by design. Nobody was designed to fight this battle. Nobody was designed— by design to fight the absence and the battle that comes with the absence of either of the parents, or sometimes the both. How do you love a girl that her story is that they actually, when the mother gave birth to her, he dropped her in a nylon bag and dropped her somewhere beside the road. So they took her somewhere to an orphanage home and different people started, is this fellow also captured in your curriculum for I love you? Because I can tell you, whoever that fellow is, the fellow is not wired the same way like every other person. There are things that this fellow's exposure to life has made this fellow to become. There are defenses that are built because this fellow's first exposure to people is to predators. There are ways this fellow now sees life, and when you are coming, there are things you will say and do that this fellow will not respond to you or react to you like every other person, but react from the point of what is missing. I came from a home that everything is balanced. How about marrying somebody who didn't come from there? What you call the excellence of your own family system can be a big threat to this person. It looks at your family members, the all of you are dissing and talking And you wonder why he doesn't want to talk to your parents. He's not used to talking to parent figure. He is not wicked. He doesn't— are you following what I'm saying? He's not, he's not used to talk any figure that is missing in his spouse's life. Understand that when you have that person present, he's not used to talking to that person, male or female. A girl whose mother probably died early or was never present in her life, now she's going to the house of a mother-in-law. There are fears she will have. Mothers, how do they really react? What can I do? Who will prepare her for where she's going? These are questions. You see, the society must learn not to put the fish and the rabbit in the same field to know who is the fastest. You must understand people are coming from different places and they have their own niche. So in case you are here in this meeting or you are listening to me and you are saying, ah, how— this is what we need right now— how do I love a man whose mother was never present in his life? You will feel, well, it's good because nope, there's no competition. I can tell you the love as an emotion has not really been formed well. In fact, it's not even that compassion is absent now. It is that this fellow— are you following what I'm saying here? Yes, sir. This fellow now has learned to live life by withdrawal. If nobody's around that cares, this fellow has learned to withdraw to himself or herself. So you are looking at an individual you want to bring out of a shell. Sometimes you wonder and say, my wife is so patient, my husband is so patient. No, the fellow might be coming from a place where when he or she complains, nobody listens. So I'm alone with my thought. That is worse than the fellow who shout, because the day there will be massive explosion, you will not believe it. So there are, there are things that— this is the way God wants it, but this is how it is. Let me tell you this: everybody is perfect till you get close. Proximity reveals flaws. So in case you say, ah, well, I don't have energy for stress, let me marry somebody else— let me tell you, as far as it is marriage, you fight certain battles. Say no, no, no. So let me just check, um, a girl. I can't marry a girl, um, from a broken home. There are things, you see, there are statements we say that are really unfair. There are statements we say that are what? Unfair. That if you want to marry a girl, go and check her mother. Is she her mother? Is she her mother? The girl might be fighting the biggest battle not to be like her. If you want to marry a boy, go and look at his father. This might be the first fruit of salvation in that family. Who is fighting? I will not be like— why must you judge someone based on the mistake of another? If you want to marry somebody, go and check the home the person is coming from. Are all good people from good homes? If somebody is on— um, no, no, let me use the word unlucky. If somebody comes from a home that is not fine, does it mean the fellow is bad? Come on, stop that. You relate with people as entities. You understand their uniqueness, understand their journey. Say, I hear you. I hear you, Father. Don't judge anyone based on where they are coming from. Sometimes their biggest battle is not to look like it. No, no. You see, before you marry a girl, check her relationship with her father. Who told you that? There can be a good girl who doesn't have good relationship with her father. There can be a good boy who doesn't have good relationship with his what? May I tell you this? There is a way the family becomes— gets to— because of what the devil has been permitted to do, that the only way children can truly rise into destiny here is that there's no so much contact. Because not only is this contact bringing contamination, it is also enforcing certain things. Life is deep. There are grandparents you are afraid of putting your children with. How do you explain that? Yeah, let them just know what it feels like to have a grandpa or grandma. And they have gone there and they are hearing things they should not hear or seeing things they should not see. Somebody there in the village already trying to touch your 3-year-old daughter, and you want to use them as collateral for being polite? That's not parenting. Let me tell you this: when it comes to protecting your home, be unapologetic about it. Yes, sir. You'll be blackmailed and called different names. Be unapologetic. Are you following what I'm saying here? Let me get into certain things. Let's see how far we can cover today. So when you are marrying, understand that marriage is designed to mirror the relationship between Jesus and the church. That is what it is designed to mirror. So you don't— you are not looking for where the grass is green. Look at what the Bible says, Ephesians 5. Ephesians 5, let's start the reading from verse 25. Are you really ready for tonight? Huh? Are you sure? All right, all right. Ephesians chapter number 5 from verse 25. Husbands, Love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of the water by the word. So there is such a thing as first cleaning up a person you want to do life with. There is such a thing that you have to Clean. Do you understand what I'm saying? You see, let's, let's be deep. Sometimes You can see raw gold covered in the earth. Can you see people beyond what they look like? Can you see people beyond what they wear? You like what is ready. Somebody prepared it. What will you prepare? Can you see people— can you see people beyond their initial disposition to life? I mean, I've shared this story not in a condescending way, but I mean, the day I met my wife, she wore what I preached against. I used to be very loud on many things. There are things that once you wear, avoid me. You know, in the days of ignorance. Ah, ah, oh, you overlooked it. So my wife came to church for the first time. I've always known her, but just praying together online, some of them like that. And she was tying bandana, and she stood— she sat down in front of me. And we're talking, and I was observing her. She never said, oh, I'm so honored to be here. She never did. Just sat there, looked at me, I said, looked around, I said, this feels like home. I said, correct, you are welcome home. I went home that night troubled. Who is this girl? Who is she? I saw beyond the bandana. Don't judge people by first impression. Only God knows what she felt when she saw me. She has never told me, maybe to preserve my ego. Maybe she will talk like, say, me, me with the way we dress. Say, no, no, I was really feeling for you, but you know, if everybody is to be judged by first impression, nobody stands a chance because you can meet good people on a bad day. Nobody stands a chance. Nobody stands a chance. Are you following what I'm saying here? We must see love as commitment to get into your battles with you. What battle are you fighting? What has happened to you? Don't, um, there are things I want to say, but you know, this our— because if you say don't judge people based on their past, some people will just say, okay, Apostle, this is a kind of past, this is a kind of past, this is a kind of past. Which one can you accept here? So understand what I'm saying here, okay? Um, I will not pretend I'm not Jesus Christ because there are things too that— let me just say this as a balance. You too that they are accepting, make it easy for the person accepting you. Make it easy, make it easy, so nobody will have to be blackmailed and say, are you not born again? Accept it. The guy say, are you me? And let me tell you this to balance it. If you hear a person's story and you know sincerely I can't take it, beg them. I apologize, I've led to the point where you have to confide in me this much, but I must confess I'm not as solid enough to handle this case. Let me bow out now. Listen to what I'm saying. They may call you names for leaving. It is better than for you to be married to that person and afflicting the person with that information. Accept that. Oh, this hospital is not sophisticated to take this kind of case. I am sorry, I have tried to get this thing off my mind, but based on the way God— where God has reached in my life now, I really can't. I'm sorry. Cry with the person. But he say, you know all this thing now, you want to leave me? Say, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What I'm saying is that your own self be true. Know what your mind can take. You are a lady, a guy has come now and is saying, um, you see, before I used to have male-to-male relationship. What did you say? Which one are you, the male one or the— Let's know where we are. See, know what you can handle. True. Don't let anybody push you and say, no, no, no, no, I accept it. Hey God, is this what I will deal with? To your own self be what? There are men who can marry a woman who has children and they will never think about it, love the children as their own. If you notice that you are not like that, don't force yourself that you now start maltreating the children. There are women who love a man regardless of number of children, say will love you and take care of the children. If you know you are not like that, don't go ahead only to want to love the man and hate the children. If you love a person, love them with their baggages. Yes, sir. Is that okay? Now you see that I cannot really love this person. Leave the person alone for the person that will love the person in totality. Don't love a person into frustration. Don't love a person into pain. You love her, but you want her to get rid of her son? No. Can you take it? These are the things I've done in the past. Can you handle it? So I can, through Christ who strengthened me. Never bring it up against her, no matter the argument. Never bring it up against him, no matter the argument. Say I hear. It will help you. See, let me tell you this: live a very balanced life. Don't let anybody push you into what you can't take. The church are not those to marry for you. Maybe the pastor say, 'And brother, this is nice.' So I've told you that wedding day looks like burial day. There are certain similarities they share. Everybody will leave both of you alone. The only difference that you are two. No matter what you cook at the engagement, forget it, they will still be eating. Say, 'Bye-bye, bye-bye.' You are on your own. Ask questions. And if, if something has happened, you have a child, don't call the child your cousin. No, don't try to hide the child. The child is calling you brother or auntie so that the devil will not flip it one day against you. And here your spouse is thinking, if this fellow can hide this from me, what can this fellow hide? Anybody who will accept you will accept you with your troubles. Is that okay now? Very important. So love is commitment. It is not scavenging. It is not looking for where the grass is greener. You water your own ground for it to be green. Say here. Now let me give you few, um, instances, um, that will help you. Few instances that will help you. Few instances that will help. So how do you successfully love a spouse that both parents are missing in his or her life? Not necessarily an orphan. Maybe the both of them decided to go and start their lives independently. Are you following what I'm saying now? Let me give you an instance. Can I have two males, please? Don't worry, you are not couples. Come, you are safe. Come here. 2 males. So here is a man— um, Toby, please come— and then married to a woman, and, um, all right, they gave birth to a son. Something happened. Maybe they were not even married. Maybe just something happened, and, um, both of them sees this child as the reward of their mistake. More like they keep seeing the child as a sin. This is a peasant. And then the woman decides to go separate ways and marry another man. Please, can I have somebody? And the man also decides to go separate ways and marry another woman. Come. Both have built their family. Who does this child belong to? There is a way an individual like this will be wired to think. Can I have a lady? Please come, woman of God. Either male or female. Thank you. So you have either a male or female, or sometimes siblings, and both of them grew up looking at Mommy and Daddy with his own family, Mommy with her own family. Once in a while goes either of the places to spend holiday. No privilege to experience family structure. So you wonder why a male like this will grow up, pick a gun and point at another person and shoot the person. Anyone who has not experienced love can't give it. The root of those things is the family. It's the family. And sometimes the complication in their lives is still so much that the children are better off alone. Before you decide to divorce, accept that there is a consequence. It may be necessary that you go separate ways. But understand this, that anyone who takes custody of the child can use the child as whip for the other person. Usually what happens is that the one who takes custody of the child will nurture the child in the way that the child grows with bitterness towards the person who is not there. And sometimes, so things have already gone so bad that separation is necessary, but there are consequences. So how do you, when you find a man like this who have learned to live life in isolation, a woman like this who has learned to live life in isolation, alone with her thought, I've tried to trust a few times. No, it didn't work. Family members, no, it didn't work. Um, try to ask for some, no, it didn't work. And people see people who are exposed and alone and they take advantage of them. How— what is the mental construct of a person like this? You think you can just come from nowhere and try to play father in her life? Somebody that she doesn't know what it feels like to have one? There are defenses. They can't accept love because it's not the kind of experience I've had. I'm not used to it. You show love, the person is suspecting and saying, what are you doing? What are you doing? You communicate, he's saying, what did you say? You know why? Because she has learned to lift her shield up all the time. He has learned to lift his shield up all the time. So what— how, how is this fellow now wired? What can we learn? The only hope there is to our life is Jesus. Oh, judging by what the devil has done in families, nobody stands a chance. Please clap for them and be seated for a while. Where did you grow up? What kind of environment do you know? Do you know what trouble looks like? Have you smelt it before? Do you know what it means to grow up in the ghetto where you are hearing different kind of strange songs and strange sounds with all the egwa adubo and everybody's trying to get their own piece of you? Those in the streets and everybody everywhere, they know your story. And they tell it among themselves that your mother is a prostitute, or that your father is a smoker. Maybe he was even in that area before he died. Maybe somebody used him for ritual, used her for ritual. Imagine growing up— don't be used to your own world, you know. Come down from your mountains. Life is deeper than what you know. So you see somebody like that coming from such dark place will come to school and join the rest and look like one of them. Every time there is break, this fellow doesn't want to go back home. He knows that the only place that is sane is around campus. Even when money is not coming, try to do some odd jobs, and sometimes has no choice than to stay with some people. They say you are excusing sin. Do you have an idea of the life and the choice some people have been left with? If I call 10 musicians now, some 10 deep ones, I won't call their names, you may not even know them. You grew up hearing Tope Alabi and hearing Ayefele and all the likes, and you think that's all there is to life. You are hearing Bola Areye and hearing— give me all those names— Michael Jackson, and you think that's all there is to life. Stop that. Life is more. There's more to life than that. People are coming from dark regions. It is in the city everybody is trying to package. When the church close, people know where they are returning to, and sometimes they wish the world can understand. There are people who prefer to be among hostile people than to be in their own families, because no matter your hostility, you are still better. And every time— so now you have married this person, how is this person to be loved? First, you have to understand the new construct this fellow will have that is different from the order of things when it is original order, the way God created it. Male or female now? Male or female? You see, I don't just live life, I, I listen. I listen to people, I hear stories. Sometimes when you think your own is bad, wait till you hear a story. Anybody can stand here and brag on the altar as if the blood of Jesus didn't save you. What about if you are coming from a place where because of the neighborhood you had to grow up as a man now, you have been sleeping with prostitutes since you were maybe 12 because of the dysfunctional nature of that environment. When you come out of that place, you think you talk about victory over sexual sin like you fell from heaven? You will say it with humility because you know what it took for the grace of God to save you. People didn't fall from the sky. Are you following what I'm saying here? You will speak with grace. You know what mercy is. You know what help is. You know what the grace of God is to rescue a man, to rescue a woman. As I'm speaking, several images are flashing through my eyes. The church world, we are always too secluded in our own form. We don't know all there is. We have to get out of our high mountains, roll our sleeves, roll our trousers. There is dirty work out there to be done. Are you following what I'm saying here? Yes, sir. So what happens when I have to— or be married to somebody who didn't have love around, either father or mother, or either of them or both? Number 1, one of the characteristics of the person is independence, because this fellow has learned to do life not relying on anybody. Just not— let me just do my thing, let me find my way, um, let me try, um, learned not to trust because since from young there's no one to trust in the first place. And, um, there are forms of independence that is quite dark. Dark in the sense that this is no longer strength, it has now become a weakness. Independence coming from the root of the fact that I don't know who to trust. I know we are married, but I'm learning to trust you. I know we are married, I'm learning to trust men, I'm learning to trust women. All those I have trusted in the past hurt me. This fellow has learned to get things done by himself or herself alone. So you see independence. When you begin to see these signs, don't cry. You have to break through that cloud. Number 2. You will also observe intimidating strength. I will tell you what that means. There's a level of strength that is not really strength. Are you learning or should I round up? Okay, all right, maybe I should round up. Let me give you an instance. Um, when you see a person with a wound, the wound— when the wound gets healed, it is covered with flesh. The area can be scarred, but it is also possible for the surface to be dry. It is now hard but not healed. There are times that people are not healed, but they are hard. It's been a while, something has covered it, but if you touch it, pus will come out. So it looks like strength. I don't cry, I don't feel pain. Say whatever you want to say, just be looking at you. After all, you are just one of them. You know what I've heard in my life? Say it. Say, my spouse doesn't even feel anything. The fellow feels, but the fellow has only relegated you as one of the oppressors. It may take a while to come out of that. Oh, maybe I should leave this one. Are you following what I'm saying? Be careful when a spouse is quiet and the fellow has— you are one of those, you are just like the rest. What do you mean just like the rest? Say what one? You are just like the rest and you think the fellow is quiet, you think it's patience. No, you have been weighed and your place is known. This is why somebody will say, I begged, I'm sorry. This fellow has seen life in the most brutal ways, and now they have concluded that you are just like every other person, regardless of the suit you wear. What do you do? You— it will take time to prove that you are different. No, those who know, know what I'm teaching. So there are times that we can look at you, we no longer see the sign of the wound. But that doesn't still mean you are healed. The kind of strength that comes from the conclusion, I can do life without you, that's not ordinary. The kind of strength that makes a person come to the point where he or she doesn't mind doing life alone. I mean, we are created to connect, to share relationship, to be able to interrelate. What has happened to you to the point where you don't mind doing life alone? As a man, you can live the next two decades Please kill the noise. Without your wife and you will not miss her. As a woman, you can live the rest of your life without your husband and you will not miss him. That is not strength. It is possible to love a person, but you have never really entered the door. You are still at the gate. Because they have never really opened that gate for a long while. And when you hear them respond, every response is making you know you have not entered. What did I do in the first moment of our meeting that remind you of those who cause you pain, that made you decide I will not open this door for anyone again? You know, you can be married and yet you have decided before you marry that I will not open the door for anyone again. Yes. What happened to your mind? At what point did you get to that point where you look so strong you don't mind even if people die? You may cry, but you don't really miss them because already you feel alone in this world. So they are around but not really around. All your friends are complaining, why is it that we don't talk for 3 months, you don't even miss us? This fellow has not learned what it means to miss anyone because no one was really present. I don't know how to miss people. That's a weakness. It may look like strength, but it is not strength. I don't miss people. Why do you call your friends people? Why do you call your spouse people? When did you stop feeling? What changed? Why are you numb? Um, it's time for us to have drama department in this church because I do a lot of examples. Because I do a lot of examples. So, uh-huh, I just— Paul Toby, let's act a drama, please. Faint. Oh no, okay, okay, because Pastor M is quite, um, Godwin, please come. Now just imagine this in your mind. Now this is— please stand here. This is a body, a body now, no life. And this is a person standing beside a body. He will shout from now till tomorrow. This individual can't hear because the distance between them is the distance between the heaven and the earth. Proximity is not closeness. It is not. You can be in the same room with a person, but you are light years apart. This fellow is not here. And it takes healing and accepting you for the person to be here. And nothing can be more painful than to find out that the fellow you have loved is not here. This is life. So sometimes what is happening is somebody saying, why are you doing this? But the person is not here. Why are you talking like that? But the person is not here. Why are you reacting? But the person is not here. Unfortunately, you can be married to yourself for 20 years. Unfortunately, that's why I'm saying don't be shallow. Understand the mental construct of this person. Why are you numb? Can we try to revive this person? There are things I want to say here. I will say those ones in more closed-door room about this because they can be misunderstood. Don't be this. Revive yourself. You can love again. Don't be numb towards life. Sometimes the way you react to us on social media is not for us, but for what you have heard or what we remind you of. We are not your pain. We are not your problem. When we speak, we speak from our neutral perspective. Don't use an hammer to kill an ant. Do you know what insecurity is? Do you know what insecurity is? I'll tell you what it is. Let me give you a vivid example of what insecurity is. Imagine a snake on the ground. Maybe you didn't know a snake was there. Mistakenly, you, you match the snake at the tail. What would the snake do? The snake will raise the head and do what? Strike you back. Where you have matched the snake can't kill the snake, but the venom of the snake can kill you. When you are insecure, you respond in a big way to small things because you don't know what they can do next. That's insecurity. You are not sure of how far they will go. Somebody has said something small, you strike. That's insecurity. It can die today. I didn't hear amen to that. It can die today. Let's give them a big hand. Decide from today, I will let people into my heart. I will love genuinely. I will, I will, I will forgive the past and move into the future. What was missing in my life, my children can have it. I can have it back. I can. Is that okay now? Sometimes a person can become cold, maybe married before, then the man died or the woman died. Then you can't find anyone that can match that place. Anyone who is gone is gone. Forgive the past so you don't lose the future. Is that okay now? I know you have cried, you have mourned. Who can play the role of this? As far as God is still on the throne, his best is never in the past. What did I say? The best of God is never in the past. It doesn't matter how interesting the past is. The best of God is never in the past. Heal, heal, heal. Sometimes one of the signs or symptoms you find in a spouse who came from a bad and dysfunctional family system, either missing father or mother, um, is coldness. Towards your opposite, towards the other person. Coldness, coldness towards you, not responding the way he or she should. Another, um, characteristic you find is coldness towards your parent. What you have that I don't have I don't know what it means to have it. I don't know what it means to have the kind of parents you have. I don't know what it means to be loved the way you are loved. I don't know what it means for family to gather together and have celebrate Christmas and there's no fight. Nobody's flicking that person's bag and say, I'm no longer coming to this house again. What? Let me say this to you: anything that is missing in your life that God has blessed your spouse with, consider it as yours also. If you don't know what it means to have a father in your life and God has blessed your spouse with one, adopt that father as your father. Learn to trust him. Don't become skeptical when your wife's mother is coming to the house or your husband's mother because you don't know— you you know, all these mothers, all these mothers. In your heart, for the sake of peace, may God give you good in-laws. Aha. Because there's the balance of that. It is worse when somebody didn't have, and now here is a mother who doesn't believe she's a mother, or a father who doesn't believe he's a father. Say, go and look for your own parents. But if you are a man and you don't have relationship with your father and God has blessed you with a fantastic father-in-law, take him as your father. You're a woman, you don't have— God has blessed you fantastic father-in-law, take him as your father. Love him the way you love your own. Are you with me now? Don't— what? Don't suspect them. Give them the benefit of doubt. Give people the opportunity to show you how much they care. Write it in capital letter: Give people the opportunity to show you how much they care. Don't complain that they don't care when you actually shut the door against them. Allow yourself to be loved. Let me just tie up this teaching today. I continue here on Sunday. Amen. But you must understand that you may want love, but you have actually shut the door against it. Your reactions, your perceptions, the way you see life, the way you react, the way you respond assure the door against it. Create room for what you want. Create avenue to receive it. Are you following what I'm saying here? Hm. I really want to, you know, pick it— the difference in males, the difference in females— but this is a difficult generation to teach like that. It is a difficult— see, people have bitterness. They just hear where you are talking women, this, this, say, why, why are you talking to women? Why don't you talk to men? Go and hear the entire message. It is a generation you have to prepare specially for. Short-term memory loss is one of the symptoms of this generation. Very short Shorto, they can't comprehend for long because there are differences you will find when you look closely. From today, you must tell yourself, maybe my complaint is not my complaint. Maybe people are like that because that is the way I have received them. Maybe I've never really given people space to love me. Are you aware there are people you can't even shake? Can you thank you? Say hug your neighbor now, not male and female, now female to female. I beg you, what happened to you? What went wrong? Are you aware these things are not dealt with? You can get married and you see your spouse touching you as, as torture. Lift your hands. Say, Father, I submit myself for healing. Can I give you a minute to pray that prayer? I submit myself for healing. Heal me completely. Submit yourself. I submit myself. Heal me. Help me heal. Heal me completely. Rescue me from this pain that has refused to go away. Help me. I want to love the way I'm supposed to love. I want to accept love the way I'm supposed to accept love. I want to be able to receive love the way I've been designed to receive love. I want to be able to communicate love the way I've been designed to communicate love. Heal me completely. Heal me. Oh yes, help me, Lord. Heal me completely. Help me to love. Help me to let go of the past. Help me. Though we are few, we're surrounded by many who have walked this river before. This is the song that we'll be singing forever. Oh, lead the Lord. Holy is, holy is the Lord. One more time. Holy is the Lord. Holy is the Lord. Holy, holy is the Lord. A father. Who has seen heaven? Ah, no happy young man. A father. Heroes from heaven. Heroes from heaven. Forgive us. Forgive our sins, to pray. Though we are few. Though we are few. Louder. We're surrounded by many who has crossed the river before. And this is the song. We'll be singing forever. Holy is the Lord. Holy is the Lord. Thank you, Father. Femi Lazarus, that the wave of healing will spread across everywhere, that my voice is being heard tonight. You will heal your children completely. You will help them. You will restore homes that the devil is trying to get over. You will heal impossible wounds. In the name of Jesus, you will restore homes that are considered impossible to be restored, and you will take the glory to yourself alone. In Jesus' mighty name, amen. Let's give Jesus a big hand. Have you been blessed this evening? Why not celebrate Jesus again? Thank you, Lord. Amen. Hi there! God is raising for himself an end-time army, and this is the mandate that he has given to us. Truly, the harvest is plenteous, but we need you on board as a laborer. This is a call to partner with what God is doing in this great house, to become a monthly partner with us at Sphere of Light Church and Femi Lazarus Apostolic Ministries Ecumenical. Kindly reach us via the number +234 903 095 9735. To give an offering or to sow a seed, kindly make use of these account details being displayed. The Gospel of Jesus is spreading. Thank you for being a part of it.