GHEALEAD 2

Amen.

So I'm just going to continue, um, right from where I stopped on Sunday, and I want to believe that you were blessed. Were you? All right, so today you will be much more blessed. Praise God. So some of the things I mentioned on Sunday, I will be taking my time to talk about them, all right, and get in-depthly into them. Let's turn our Bibles to the book of Proverbs. Proverbs chapter number 18. We read verse 14. Proverbs 18:14. If you're there, say amen. All right, let me read from here. The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity, but a wounded spirit who can bear? The Amplified rendition says, the strong spirit of a man sustains him in bodily pain or trouble, but a weak and broken spirit, who can raise up or bear? Now, message carries a very vital message, and that's where I'm going. Proverbs 18:14. Look at it. A healthy spirit conquers— what? Adversity. But what can you do when the spirit is crushed? That's a very serious word there. What can you do when your spirit is crushed? Now Turn your Bibles again, the book of Joel chapter number 1. Are you there? If you're not there, say wait for me. All right, Joel 1. We start the reading. All right, it's a scripture you ought to be familiar with in this church. From verse 11, um, verse 10 talks about, um, there's been adversity, things are bad, things are dry. Says, be ye ashamed, O ye husbandmen, how, O ye vinedressers, for the wheat and for the barley because the harvest of the field is perished, the vine is dried up, and the fig tree languisheth. The promanganate tree, the palm tree also, and the apple tree, even all the trees of the field are withered because— what? Joy is withered away from the sons of men. So when the spirit of a man is crushed, one of the things that will now be missing in that spirit is the fruit of joy. Okay, that's what is missing. So the idea of crushing a person's spirit is to almost put the person in a state where there is almost no possibility for joy. And when a person's spirit is crushed, um, when people become suicidal, one of the questions you hear them ask is, 'Will I ever be joyful again?' Because it looks like the ability to rejoice is not forthcoming. Okay, so what the devil wants to do, and we need to understand this, is to attack the health of your spirit. And to attack the health of your spirit, he needs situations that gives room for that. If you want to break a society, break the families. As much as we keep churning broken people from family systems, the society will break. So it's a very simple strategy. When we weaken the qualities of families that are Then you weaken the quality of product. And permit me to use this word, not in a derogatory way— this dysfunctional product will go on to form a dysfunctional society. The church must not take a gaze away from families because that's where the devil is looking at. So the real place where many people's spirit get crushed is at the foundational level of their lives. Many of the things people go on to believe were things that were fixed. On Sunday I showed you a scripture: train up your child in the way he should go, when he grows he will not depart from it. Now whether good or bad, it is very difficult to depart from upbringing. Yeah, it is. So when you see people do things They only do what has been mirrored to them. I remember one time I was on a flight, then they brought the menu, and then I didn't understand honestly the stuff there. I was trying to maintain my steez, but the steez wasn't steezing. So when I looked through, I saw one I could, okay, I could relate with. And what was there was roasted, smoked salmon. I felt, ah, at least now. From campus days, we buy smoked fish, we drink it on, drink it. I didn't know. When they brought the stuff and the woman was about to drop it, I said, no, no, this is not my order. She said, "No, this is what you asked for." I said, "No, I can't take raw fish. This is raw fish." All right. Then she said, "Try, try it." I said, "Sister, not me, are you?" All right. So why is that? Because I didn't grow up in a culture where that was mirrored to me.

Amen.

I know rice, true. I know yam. If you want to go local, I know those stuffs. But which one is raw fish? There's this guy I follow online, they do food adventure. That's one thing I know I can never join anyone to do. So they went to, I think, Taiwan or Indonesia, and they were to pick live fish. And the way they eat that fish is that you pick it, then you put it in your mouth and chew it on time. Oh yes. So when I saw it, I said, not me and you. Amen. All right, so there's, there's a culture in a place in China that you will be eating this fish alive. Yes, they'll be— you, they'll put it on something to smoke it while the fish is still struggling. You'll be— that's why you have to travel. Let me, let me be honest. Thank God for my people who God has sent to bless my life. Well, many times, man, they just bring food, or someone just say, Apostle, let's go and eat out, and they serve the tea, and I'm like, can I go back home? Amen. Why is that? Any culture that is not formed when your life was being set, it is difficult to bring it. Let me say this: there's no man who raises hand to slap a woman who didn't see it growing up. Are you following what I'm saying? It's— he saw the culture. What culture shows is what is possible.

Yes, sir.

Every culture shows you possibilities. Now that I've told you that people eat raw fish, you know it is possible, true? But when you see it done in your house, you know it on a different level, true?

Uh-huh.

What you have not seen demonstrated again and again You can't be bold to do it. And that's one thing I want you to understand. That's the reason why the church is God's family on earth. What did I say? The church is God's family on earth. So what happens here is that there is a repair. Of what has been done wrongly in our earthly family. I believe many of you can relate with the fact that the church is more of a family to many people than their earthly families. True, true. That's the fact. That's why the devil hates this. He hates the church system. He wants to break it. He wants to break it. Don't worry. One of the things I want to help you do today is to help you see why you act the way you do. When you see it, you'll be able to take steps away from it, because you will repeat a level of dysfunctionality that you don't even know is bad. You have to know it's bad so you can be separated from it. Amen. Now let me show you one more scripture. If you're there, say amen. You are aware I checked you out. You fell for it. Amen. Proverbs 17. Proverbs 17, verse 22. Proverbs 17, verse 22. If you're there, say amen. Let's read this together. 1, 2, 3, go. A merry heart doeth good like medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the what? Bones. So it means once your spirit is broken, it has the capacity to even affect your health. I, I want to say some things. I, I will have to say them later, okay? So The devil— look at it— in a bid to attack individuals has found a way to use dysfunctional family structure as a trap. That even if you don't have issues with unforgiveness anywhere else, you may have that issue in your families. That even if you don't have issue with the tendency to be rude, if care is not taken, the only place where the devil will get you to do it again and again will be that family. That even if everywhere else you are winning, if care is not taken, the place where the devil orchestrates your defeat is that family. A broken family system is the graveyard of destiny carriers. It traps them in there. There are people who are celebrated everywhere else, but the people should know about where they are coming from. It may bring shame. So the idea is to, through the things that are wrong, attack your heart and break your spirit, to re-engineer the direction of your life. Um, now we've got to do some practicals. Amen. Is there anyone here with a bag? Or may I request, if you don't mind, that if you have a bag, raise it up so I can see the one I can use? Okay, let me just stay with that. Please come, bring the bag. I don't know how heavy this bag is.

Okay.

Please come look at this. Pay attention to what I want to show you. If you put this bag on the ground, okay, let's say, you know, I taught physics at some point, so that has not left me. Let me have another guy here, please help me. Okay, thank you. So let's say this is point A, this is point B. If I stand here— come— and he is standing here, let's say this is a material sustaining or suspending This material, it is easy to— while it is in the air, to move it from point A to point B. You can just swing and it swings and it swings. But if you allow this settle, the impact of the weight will make it quite difficult to lift and move from point A to point B. While you are still in your formative years, it is easier to redirect the direction of your life. By the time you know so much, the devil will struggle to take you to where he wants to take you to while you are younger. This is the reason why the most strategic time to orchestrate any form of um, dysfunction in anyone is while the fellow is young, before you even know Christ. He wants to at this point swing the direction of your life the way he wants it, so that the energy with which you ought to do destiny You will have to first spend greater energy to be repaired. Um, let me tell you, please help me give her the mic. Thank you. Thank you, sas. Thank you. Let me tell you this. I will tell you a serious one, and I'll tell you the balance. Many people who ought to start out to win in life have to first wait to settle the family because things are bad. So if— imagine if they came from places that things are superb. They would have gone far ahead of the rest. That's why you don't rate men by where they are. Sometimes people have to go back to repair things before they can catch up with their equals. If you are from such a place, if you hold grudges against them, then the pattern of dysfunction will elongate. You must understand that there is the anointing for headship. It is the grace it takes not just to break through but to help others break through, that you will not just end the dysfunction in your own immediate family, you will give your younger ones a chance, you give them exposure. Some of you, after this series, you are going to make decision to relocate some of your younger ones from the village to Canada because you will. And they will not look at God and the pattern will continue. Things will change. You look back at that family and you not trace the devil you used to see. You are the one that will change things. So you will not sit down and soak in sorrow. You are not going to sit down in self-pity. You will not sit down regretting and say, I wish, I wish. Don't wish for anything. The fact that you are there, God has given them the answer to their problem, and the answer is you. Is that okay now? You will not sit down and curse at them. You will change things by the spirit of grace. I didn't hear amen to that. Some of us have gone through things that not only don't I want my children to ever go through it, I don't want anyone around me to ever go through it. Oh yes. The difference between the one who break through and a captain is that a captain breaks others through also. He won't just go and steps back, but for the balance, you can't help everybody. Anyone whose lifestyle you can't change There are results you can't help. Some people are broke and poor not because there are no opportunities, but because there's bad character. So there has to be repair first, okay? Uh-huh. I like to give balance so the devil will not lock behind what I'm saying. Sometimes there are family members you have to run away from, and they should not know how big you are. Let me give you a gist. One time someone called me. I've never heard from this person in my life. I didn't know anybody like this exists. Nobody told me in the family bronchio that someone like this is existing. Then we spent time talking, talking for over 2 hours. I knew it's money, but I would have preferred Let's get straight to it. My time is more important than that money. Then the person that told me that my boy, that his son is a Yahoo boy, the boy is stealing, the boy is doing all those things, I was listening. Then while he was talking, he just said, ah, you're a pastor. I said, say you're a pastor now. I said, he said, in fact, that's my boy. Said, I want to tell the boy that the boy should relocate to your place so that he will be in charge of the church offering. Ah, come back. If you know, you know. So I said, now, now, now, now he has changed and he will come from where he is and just come and then be in charge of Church of Praise because church is family affair. The devil is a liar. Listen, ah, I should not have gotten here, but I'm here. Let me tell you something. There are different kinds of bad background. There are situations that the people have entered survival mode. They will even kill their own to survive from such wrong. I need to give you the balance. So that your kindness will not lead you to early grave. There's balance. Are you there? Okay. So on Sunday, I began showing you a possibility. That because of the strategic nature of the devil's operation to attack lives, to attack individuals, the most strategic time to do it is when they are young, because that's the foundation-laying season. That's the season where your thoughts process, your perception, the way you see life, the way you go about life. That's the season that they have been formed. I shared the story of a boy. I can't remember again, maybe it was between 5 and 7 or 8, and he's been suspended from several schools. Imagine— not suspended, expelled.

Sorry.

Imagine a boy around that age having the experience of expulsion. How many of you have been expelled from a school before? I know you won't raise your hand. It's not like I was expecting you to. So some of us used to jump fence and avoid FCS, avoid fellowship meeting. Oh yes.

You—

some of you are too kind to do all that. We did. They will say go to school, you go to Gidan Kalo. You don't know what they call Gidan Kalo. Oh yes, you go to where they are playing PS. Everybody will be sweating like cow. No, no, it's not even PS, it's Sega. So, boy, even all those things, we were not expecting. But this boy, he had a track record and he doesn't cry. And the teacher now said, while you are beating him, you will notice that your money is gone in the process of beating him. So he will not just suffer for nothing, he will, he will take souvenir for the beating. I was looking at him. So they, they started calling the boy a name. They started calling the boy Eku. Eku means rat. That's the name they're calling.

Oh yes.

So I got interested in his case and I requested to see his parents. And, um, I went to his house, to their house. I knocked. No one was responding. Oh, one of the things the boy used to do was that he used to follow girls to the toilet to touch their genitals. Oh yes, at that age. Sometimes he will go to the toilet and stay there and be waiting for a girl to come. At that age. So when I went to the house, I got in. And I met his two eldest brothers were watching pornography on their television screen in their parlor, and the boy was there. Where is the mom and the dad? They are separated. The dad has followed other women. The mom has a man that they are now trying to get married. But sometimes when the wall is divided like that, the children are left to hang. We've seen cases that necessitate individuals going separate ways for a while, and we've seen case that necessitate some people having to run. Either ways, plan your children so that they will not bear the scars of your decisions. Some of you grew up as the one hanging in between. Daddy was busy trying to do his family, Mommy was busy trying to do her family, and sometimes here you are. And sometimes when children are raised like that, they go through things that they can't explain. Many parents don't know 10% of what their children have survived. Unfortunately, even now, some are still too broken to know. If you grow up from a dysfunctional place, you must understand that it didn't start with you, it started with them. If they are what they wanted to be, you won't go through what you went through. And if you allow yourself to be trapped in pity, in self-pity, and thinking, I don't know how I'm going to do it, it's just me, why have I suffered so much, why You are going to raise children in the midst of that who will also try to explain. What do you do? Wake up. Now that this thing is facing you, face it. Survive. Don't die in the process. You must tell yourself, I will win. I'm not going to tell stories. I will win. God will help me. He will strengthen me. I will overcome. At the end of the day, my story is not permitted to end. Say it again. My story is not permitted to end until I sing songs of victory. My books are not permitted to be closed until the chapters of victory have been written. My stories are not permitted to end until I sing songs of victory.

Amen.

These are issues. You go to school and ask teachers, they will tell you. Teachers in school, they are the ones who know what kind of home children are coming from. There are children that there's no one to help them do their assignment till they go back to school. The teachers will beat them in schools that they beat. I'm not— there are schools that they beat, right? If you really survive Nigeria, gone. There's almost nothing to be afraid of again. Have you heard, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold your skirt, hold your skirt? Sometimes you believe that those things are necessary until you get to places in life where you meet colleagues who are even more successful than you, who didn't know that such a lifestyle exists. You are describing how they will smash your head with the COVID of a pot. They say, really? Did you call 911? Say in Nigeria, you will call 911, they will come there and beat you more again. Now when I go online and I see cases that people are reporting and saying, look at how they abusing this child, look at how they are doing this, I bet many of you went through things that are worse than that. That if internet was this strong then, you would have trended. By now you might have been the face for domestic abuse or something. Someone like me, I know I could have been probably the logo. But it's good that we can sit down and laugh at them now because we didn't die in the process. Give Jesus a big hand. Let me get into my message. So on Sunday, I began to show you the possibility of, because of experience, being trapped in your childhood state. That your body features have increased, but in there you are still that child. You still feel that pain when you remember. It is still fresh. You still want the same answers. Um, you still have those emotions, but something has changed about your body, but it's like you are still trapped. There are kind of situations that break a person's spirit that the person's body will grow but the mind may be trapped. So I began to show you signs that you are, or you may be trapped in the past or in your childhood mind. I said number one is what? Fear or timidity. Fear of people's remarks and opinions. Fear of starting again. Have you seen cases where maybe a mother wants to correct the child and, um, will tell the child, come here, oh yeah, pass, ah, oh yeah, pass? They, they want to beat the child, and as the child wants to pass, they smack the child with the hand of Satan. Pow! Yes, the child will cry. You will feel you have done something, but you have broken trust. The child will grow not to trust you. And there are mothers who, in a bid to protect their marriage, didn't care about their children. That maybe a father was even abusing the child, and the mother will join them to criticize. I say, shut up! You can't bring shame to this family. But this child is broken. This child is broken. So there's fear of people's remarks and opinions, you know, particularly if your life was built on that, that everyone have to pass their judgment on you and all that. Fear of starting again. Fear of being left alone. Fear of being criticized. Fear of not being loved. Fear of not finding love. Fear of rejection. Fear of being seen. I don't want to be seen. I don't want to be known. I just want to be there. Fear of making mistakes, fear of being the object of attention, fear of being the voice in the room, fear of unleashing your potentials, sometimes fear of the unknown. Number 2, I said there is the possibility of such an individual growing to become people-pleasing. Than trying to please people, trying to, um, get people to approve you. It's not a good thing. It's not a sign of humility. It will position you for manipulations. People will manipulate you once they see that you crave for their approval. They will control you with their small thinking. You can make decisions as led by the Spirit. Is that okay? Yes, sir. And some of you probably struggled with this in secondary school. Maybe you had some set of individuals that were always one kind, and you tried everything to fit into their groups, and they did everything to push you out. You got to the university, you also saw some people, you tried everything to fit into their groups, they did everything to push you out. And now you are always struggling extra, going extra mile to win people's approval of you. That's a bad life. You are important. There was this girl while we're on campus, whenever a new phone comes out, she buys the China version. Apologies to those who are in China, but yeah, China means something else. All right, so she buy, and then so when This particular phone is ours. Then she will hold the Chinese version of it like it's that phone, and one thing you know is that the phone never rings out. When she want to press it, he covers it and all that. So well, and then, you know, just believe that this girl came from a rich background. She even said that her father was contesting, um, one of the candidates for presidential election. We know your surname, we didn't see anybody like this on the ballot paper, but if you say so and all that. So, um, Chicha goes extra mile to look posh, but you know when you are forcing being posh, it is not giving, okay? Because somehow we kind of observed that, of course, these clothes looks classy, but, um, they are okrika.

I—

but, but there's nothing wrong if that's your level. But why are you trying to say that your father is among those that is contesting for the role of president? And so anyways, that was the girl for you. We give it to her, but we, we all knew that it was fake. One time we're in the library, probably she forgot. To put the phone on silence. Then the majestic phone rang. Ah, and I was thinking, even me, that my phone will first pick FM before I hear the call. It's not sounding like this. She, she quickly, um, she, she— you know, there are people that Even in such situation, they know how to come out. Like, they don't have to think to lie. She went out to pick the call and came out and said, oh gosh, oh gosh, this, this, this. And then she mentioned her younger brother that I didn't know how, how, how he forgot his phone in my bag. Oh gosh, even the devil will say You see, came out of this. They used to paste results for everyone to go and see. So she went there and then she was rejoicing. Me, I knew that when you see your result, you should cry. I knew this girl now, so. And then so someone said, um, now that Joy, um, had this score— I don't mention name, wahala. Anyways, nobody knows her name, anybody can be. So now that she has this score, last time I was, where's your result? And I was like, what score? Where's Joy's They said, this, this, that's my matric number. So finally everyone saw theirs, and then the only one that was left there, the person failed, but she was dancing. You will dance in front of people and still go back to sit down to rewrite? What kind of life is that? When you feel the need to impress by all means, Something is broken in the soul. You don't have to. If this is your level, own it, sir. Is that okay? Own it. If I tell you some things about us, you, you won't believe. When we're going to come to Abuja, God said to drop my car, so we We came here taking Bolt. We come for service, take Bolt and go back. You will not even know. Just package ourselves and come. That's it. Somebody said I can give you a car, come and borrow. So that my helper will not think I'm already blessed. Let me go like this so my helper can identify me as I am. Like that. There's nothing wrong in being at your level. When you feel the need to lie about it, something is wrong with the way you perceive yourself. You think those resources are the things that validate you or make you feel loved or important. You are important just the way you are.

You are.

If you're a man, you don't have a car yet, relax. Eh, the Yorubas will say that the chicken that is still alive will eat corn. You are not dead yet. Your day will come. Okay, relax. Suit, you'll be tired. I can't— sometimes when I want to come to church, I'm like, suit, tie. This Nigerian song, who even brought suit to Nigeria? Safe. Apologies to those who are working in banks because Okay, arrest the pastors. So I'm thinking, but I remember the first good suit I wore. Ah, the moment I picked that suit like that, I called the photographer to come and snap me, and I used that my profile picture on social media. It was my cousin's suit. He was working in a bank. He had worn the suit. They had told him, don't bring it to the office again. When I saw that suit hanging there, I knew this suit still have extra life in ministry. Banks might have rejected this suit, but this suit can function in ministry. I wore hell out of the life of that suit. Then I gave the resident pastor. I gave him. I gave PTA. Let me expose him. It was— so you could imagine that what my size must have been like then. So it fit both of us the same way. I gave him. So PT also used this suit for a while, then gave one of our pastors again. PewDiePie too. Oh yes, 3 generations in this. Till I now called the guy. I said, if you pass this suit to anybody, I will suspend you in this church. Okay, if you go— I'm telling you the fact, we wore hell out of the life of— I'm telling you, ah, when this ministry started like that, everybody's clothes is everybody's clothes. Oh yes, some of them now they are watching me online. From different countries. They are mysterious people. I will just see that my jacket is missing. Then I will now see somebody has posted on his status, then me, I should not see it. Like they set it, Femi Lazarus. Then I will now sit on somebody's shoulder, is this not your jacket that you're looking for, Pastor? But we didn't die. That was the level. To feel the need to push what you are not is a sign that there's something wrong with the way you perceive yourself. You are important. It is not your nails that defines you, okay? If for now where you can make those nails is 2-5, make the nails and shine it.

Yes, sir.

Only the women didn't say yes, sir, because I don't know what is it with women and this. Do it yourself. My wife will tell me that, um, what changed about me? What changed? See, you are not even dramatic. What changed about me? I look and look and look. Ah, the glory of God is more. I always feel it, always. Then she say, you know, now at least look very well. I said, ah, your cream, you change it, this one. Then she is— I said, can't you see my nails? The family I grew up from, I didn't see anybody fix nails. It's not part of the things my attention goes to.

Nails!

But now I used to observe, because you have to observe, you have to observe, you have to get a new culture. Okay, so, and sometimes many of these things began from the days you were writing exams in school and you believed that anybody who was— who wears glass is smart. Some of you began to wear glasses then. I mean, well, they just need something corrected about their sight, period. Some people are pursuing money to satisfy something that was missing years back. Somebody drove a car pass They felt, ah, I'm going to do my own back. Now they are still pursuing that car. I'm saying you are important even without it. You are. Don't joke with the consistent urge to get people's validation. It can put you in trouble. Don't let anyone manipulate you. Some of you have callings from God that people around may not understand, and it's okay. And that's why we must be careful, um, of how we follow This thing we call followership and leadership can be quite delicate because you may want to put yourself in a place where you want to earn the leader's approval by all means. That's slavery. I tell all those who follow me, see, I don't believe in controlling people. What did you eat? What did you wear? I don't even have that time. You must begin to make decisions. Yes, be accountable, be guided, be led, but not controlled. There's the other side of this, that if care is not taken You will not believe anyone is a leader enough until they're abusive. That's the other side. You crave for abuse to feel safe. That you don't feel anyone is a man enough until they can get you scared. I wrote something here that once people see that you crave for their approval to be fine, they will taunt you with their rejection. People are not that nice. Number 3, signs that you are still trapped in your childhood. Mind trauma.

Now, we sometimes, as—

let me use the word Pentecostals— want to think that maybe God is not concerned with the state of our mental health? Of course he is, because the Bible demonstrated that. Let me show you. For instance, in 1 Samuel chapter number 16, after David was anointed as king, the Spirit of God came upon him. And there was a spirit that came upon Saul that affected his mental health, that Saul became irrational. He started giving schizophrenic tendencies. So much so that there was a provision of grace under God that when David plays the harp, the evil spirit that was tormenting him, his mental health, will leave. Trauma is real. There are names you remember, your heart skips. There are faces you remember, your heart skips. Many of you can't even go back to the house you lived when you were growing up because of the event. Maybe when you get there, you start shaking. Trauma is real. The traumatic feeling that comes with memory of sexual abuse is real, and one can be trapped in it. I showed you that scripture on Sunday. I have to show you again. Luke chapter number 4. Now we read in Message translation, and we're going to read from verse 18, and I want you to pay very important attention. Are you getting blessed? God's Spirit is on me. He's chosen me to preach the message of good news to the He sent me to announce pardon to prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to set the burdened and the what? Battered free, to announce God's year to act. Now look at verse 18: to set the burdened and the battered. So there are people who are carrying burdens and their emotions have been battered. There is a provision of an anointing to set them free. You won't continue like that. And sometimes we just accept, but maybe this is my own fate, you know, I just have to, um, just carry this thing all my life, it won't go away. It will. He that the Son of God has made free is free indeed. You can get to the point that you become so healed that the same thing that makes your heart skip, you see it and you are fine. Trauma is real. Sometimes people think somebody is battling with unforgiveness and that's why the person is not relating with them, but the person might be traumatized. Might be traumatized. A daughter can be traumatized about the mom or the father. Sometimes can be the memory of a particular beating that you received, maybe the way you were kicked, and it won't go away, and you are trapped there. And when even family events taking place, you remember those things and your heart skips. And sometimes these traumatic feelings or traumatizing feelings can so— can so hold you down that you are not able to move on in life. The marriage of your parents can traumatize you so much so you don't want to get married anymore. There are people, sometimes celebrities, footballers, um, who prefer to have girlfriends and not commit legally to the person because they've seen their friends commit to certain individuals in foreign countries, and those women will opt for divorce and they have to give them certain portion of their wealth, and they go back to square one. And that trauma will keep them in a spot where they say, you see, I can't work all my life and one woman will take it. Are you there? It is possible to, to be dealing with trauma in a man and you don't know, and you think it is anger. That when you talk, he's not hearing you, he's hearing the voice of the past. He's hearing someone you remind him of. Someone once said this and something happened, and he's killing an ant now with sledgehammer because it's not you now, it is the memory of those things that has happened. Trauma is real. Sometimes a girl, a woman can be traumatized. Maybe the husband reminds her of her father. Maybe something she hates the most in the father. Is what this guy is trying to manifest. And she has vowed, I won't grow up under him and take this from you. And sometimes that people might just be doing things innocently, and what is making you feel traumatized may not be connected to anything. In fact, sometimes it is not that deep. When you hear people say things like, a woman should not know how much you earn, that's the language of trauma. That's not healing, that's not health. When you hear women say things like, no trust any man with all your life, that's the language of trauma. That's the language of trauma. There's something that is broken there. And if you don't deal with it, it becomes a lesson that you are trying to impart to the next generation, and you give them fear without an event, and the fear will create the event. Some of you are traumatized not because of what you have experienced, but because of what someone who experienced something told you. Sometimes the, the, the— listen to what I'm saying— the counsel some parents are giving their children before they get married is the counsel that will destroy their marriage. They are giving counsel from what they went through, not from their uniqueness. Are you seeing that now? Sometimes some homes began to break when mother-in-law came to do something for the wife. Maybe the mother of the guy— let me give a very serious example to see how traumatized you are. Maybe the guy's mother came to help take care of the child. They just gave birth and saw her son in the bedroom washing the wife's underwear. Ah, they have used his head and she's going to push narratives. You know what I've noticed, particularly for Nigerians in diaspora, and I've warned as many as I can warn, that sometimes if care is not taken, the beginning of your trouble is when you start bringing family members down. Because everyone want to protect their own children stay there, even if it means that the home breaks. That's the problem. The mother of the girl believes that she's the open door for her family to come abroad. So if this guy was— I would rather let this one break. You just make sure you get what you want. The mother of the guy also believes, and they will be engineering the destruction of the family from Nigeria, and they will never know peace in that home. And sometimes it can even happen— that one is a way— it can happen at home too. You are the first one showing signs that you are making it, and the mother will fight any woman that comes into your life and look like, while I was suffering with my son, were you there? Now that my son is there, you want to come and do this? And she will speak words that will affect— listen to what I'm saying. Love your mom, understand that she has her own husband. Love your wife. Let me, let me say, and I know what I want to say will offend. From the moment you say yes, I do, your priority should change.

Yes, sir.

It is dysfunction to say I cannot love my wife more than I love my mom. Why did you marry her? Your mom has her own husband. How can she win in two places? Young ladies, as you are laughing, you also become a mother. So package, plan for that time too. Is that okay? Plan for that time too. Laugh now, but please plan, please, so that the laughter can be in context. But sometimes that's the issue. I know a family that the mother-in-law went to help them take care of baby and said something to her son-in-law. That family broke that day. The guy packed his things and left the house for over 20 years, never returned. What she said to him till today, nobody knows. Let me tell you something, sometimes If you know that there's problem at home, you have to outsource care. Don't say I told you. So that you will not feel this is tradition and I must do it, then your family dies. There are kind of backgrounds you'll be coming from, you must not expose your children to them. Talking to so innocent people. Sorry to— hey, so sorry, I'm spoiling your innocence. Hey, yeah, Abuja people, let's give them a big hand. Wow, wow, interesting. Are you surprised? Like, ah, is it this serious? What's supposed to say now? Can we just go back to bread and stones? If you are the first generation to break through, you have more work to do. There are people who wish you well, and they can wish you well to death. You have to protect your home. Some of you listen to what I'm saying. You have to start planning for marriage 10 years before you even find the right person. Because the kind of place you are coming from requires to prep the ground. You are married now, mother-in-law can come and break into the bedroom and say it's my son's house. Somebody has not done his job, it's not giving orientation. Men, you are quiet. I said, men, you are quiet. Are you here? Say, I hear you. No, you can't sleep now. Say, I hear you. I'm not closing in a hurry. We're on this matter. There are men who are married who ought to still be at home Taking nana, any little issue, Mommy, you see what Janet is doing now? They've reported the wife to their family members and they've destroyed her image there. They will now later come back and want them to honor the same woman. You sold that cheap. Matters between husband and wife can be easily settled. When you take it to family members, everyone will defend their own. No family is a neutral ground except maybe they are pastor. There are, there are exceptional cases that maturity, but highly exceptional. Are you following what I'm saying now? Listen to what— because I hear this thing a lot, say, uh, my mother suffered with me, this, this one woman. Now you, you married this girl, say one woman will not just come and come and enjoy everything. When you were pursuing this girl, you didn't say one woman, I like you. You are saying you are the sugar in my tea, the this, the my this. You didn't call her one woman. Now What affected your heart this much towards your wife? Don't laugh about this matter like it is not happening. What affected your mind towards your wife that your wife is a nobody? Your mom has a husband there, you see another husband here. That's polygamy. And once she press one remote your family will respond. And you think having beards is what makes anybody a man? Goats have beards.

Sorry.

But well, I've seen many cases that if there was someone who taught the men how to be men, the families will not go like that. There are mothers who they start prepping their son's minds on how to know that one woman cannot enter your life now, and you think I'm done. That's witchcraft. I said that's witchcraft. Once he marries, lose him and let him go. That's witchcraft. Many of you, they've been telling you have not recovered. I'm here to tell you as your pastor that they were wrong. And if you refuse to change your mind, may all the girls you meet that God's hand is upon their life not give you a yes.

Amen, amen, amen, amen.

You know, it's like after this service I'm not going to go through the way I used to go, because the way the men are looking at me. But I will say it, somebody must teach it, somebody must say it. For this reason shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife. Cleave. Are you there? Stop this mentality of seeing women as gold diggers. Every woman wants a man who is actually going somewhere that is predictable to trust her life in his hands. So it's okay if you have made money before she came. It's not bad, it's added advantage. It's okay. I'm coming to women too, just hold on. Of course. Is that okay now? Let me beg you, ladies, marry a man, not a mommy's boy. Don't marry a mommy's boy. He will make you cheap in the hands of his sisters. They will dictate how he should treat you. Many of you men still believe that the proof that you have married a virtuous woman is that when you have family functions, she's carrying bucket on her head. And went to— oh, he's there. Let's deal with that one too. I, I just saw it. He's there. So you have believed in your heart that God will not bless. There are things that can be outsourced. You grew up going to the village, everybody's carrying firewood. You just believe that once this girl— this is it, before we even say this, let's take her to the village so they can test her out. And the unfortunate thing is that this mentality can— you can wear kaftan on it and look posh, but inside you are still a bush boy. And many women, what they have not forgiven them for is what happened when the innocent girl went to meet vicious family members. Nobody treated them like that when they wanted to marry. But they will treat this girl like that. Why? That's wickedness. Any man who can't stand his ground to defend his territory is not a man. When they are talking you down, he's folding his arms and looking and he's blinking, just— that's not a man. A real man tells people how to treat his queen. He stands his ground. Stands his ground. Stand. Anyone who disrespects your spouse has disrespected your crown. Stand your ground on our behalf. Amen. So let's do the balance. Let me tell you something. If your question is, if I meet my mother-in-law, should I kneel down to greet her, is already a sign that you are a problem waiting to happen. If, if, if, if— are you following what I'm saying now? If that's a question on your mind, and the family I came from, we don't, we don't, we don't really kneel down, but your boss in the office, you owe them honor. But say, he say, where I came from, it's not really a thing. Honor is a lifestyle that is learned. If they didn't give you, you learn it. You learn it. There are— I've said this again and again, people have tried to drag me. I've said there are women who have no capacity for peace. Everybody they have ever lived with, they fought. Every roommate, everybody, every friend ever in their life, they fought. You are the one that think Blessed is a peacemaker. You think you can really survive around this one? She will kill you. There are women who— the Bible say it is better to dwell in the corner of a house than to be with a contentious woman. I went to greet A family that year, it was Christmas, they were making chicken and rice. We thought that all this thing they call yabo salad, all those stuff, I don't know what that means, you know. I mean, it was— they told me to go and greet, and then, but to my greatest surprise, when food was to be served, it was eba and egg. I shocked. Like, now maybe this. Have you seen women? They are the— where they are, the mentality that raised them is ghetto. They listen— let me deal with the root of this vicious nature. They, they, they will buy chicken and count for those who are staying with them. They are petty about everything. They have no capacity to treat people right. They will make sure nobody feels welcomed in their house. When they marry a man, they will strip him of all important relationships. They will strip him naked. They don't honor anyone. They are asking guests, will you eat? No, he will dream. There are girls who are badly brought up. And someone needs to tell them they are not ready for marriage. Build character first. What do you mean? They are contentious, petty, no hospitality, dirty, children will be smelly, school uniform not washed, and it's Korean movie morning till night. That they are small handset. No laptop, oh, his phone. One day download this season, they will delete the other season. Somebody must say it. Somebody must say it. Praise God. In all honesty, I am not sorry about anything I've said. I tell you, I tell you. After all, I don't even know what's going on anyway, so what's my own? I'm neutral. Do you still like this series or should I leave? There are men that helpers would have still be around them, but the wife who will size everyone up have sent all of them away. Who size them up, will honor the one that has money and despise the ones that comes to their house maybe needing something. And when God bless people, they run from their families. How hospitable are you? You know, when you go to a person's house, the feeling you have in the house is determined by the woman. Because you are the one who keeps the home. Are you aware? How hospitable are you? You know, sometimes we're in church, some men are waving their hands during worship and the wife is surprised. And sometimes the women too are raising their hands during worship and the husband is surprised. Or sometimes maybe the cousin or someone living with them is wondering. You will think some of the things I've described don't happen. There are people that when they want to serve those living with them, they will dilute the soup. You see, you don't understand. I'm telling you life, they will dilute it. This— some of you grow up with people who did all this nonsense, then they have churches, they belong to societies and all that. They will dilute this. They will cook soup for their children separately and the one for those with them separately and mix down plenty water. The one for those ones doesn't get spoiled, they will warm it. There is a God in heaven who sees, and sometimes families are struggling for the way they treat people. It's a bad thing and it's a product of bad upbringing. Stop it, stop it. There are places I've gone and I told them, the day I ever step back here, let Jesus come. I will not. Anywhere the blessing is, honor is a culture there, honor. Abraham didn't know that the men he entertained were angels. He did it out of honor. When they were going to get wife for Isaac, the prayer that the servant prayed was that the culture in Abraham's house will be extended and seen in the life of the woman that God will give Isaac. Because there are seasons that you don't have time to lay foundations again. There must be somebody who is already heading that direction. I'm saying there are seasons of your life that you don't have time to rewind and repair. The person must have been repaired. You don't have time. Oh no. When we come to your house, how we feel is not determined by what you have. It is determined by your heart. That's where graciousness flows from. May God bless us. Amen. And may you not marry people that will water down God's grace upon your life.

Amen.

Are you still there? Yes, sir. Number 4, number 4 signs you see in people who are still trapped in their childhood mind. Inferiority complex. This is the feeling of, or the quality of not feeling that you measure up to standard. When people have inferiority complex, they feel they are less than the required standard. They feel they are not enough. Um, they feel they don't belong. Um, they feel they are different and they are inferior. They feel they are less in quality. You are not a lesser quality, you are an original. And sometimes our school systems— so Dean has not helped in that area. School systems. That's why if God is leading you towards the direction of education, you must please read into it, okay? Study into it. When people have inferiority complex, even when they— it looks like they are feeling a monk, literally or physically, in their mind They are asking questions. They are doubting their every move. They are doubting what they wear. They are thinking that people can see their bank account. They are thinking when people see them, they see their fault. When you have inferiority complex, your inadequacies get more amplified in your sight. You always asking questions about yourself. You are an original. And one of the things I will tell you is that those who are emulating also have their struggles, just so you know. And you must get out of that box where you keep thinking, um, ah, when will I be able to— if I can buy that clothes too now, and me too, I could— no, it's not by clothes. You can wear the best things and yet still feel low. You can drive the biggest cars and yet still feel low. It is dangerous when you are trying to use money to build esteem. It is dangerous. You buy— you use money you don't have to buy things you don't need to impress people you don't like. Let me say it again. You use the money you don't have to buy things you don't need to impress people you don't like. Be free. Somebody said, to be beautiful is to be you till you are full. Just be yourself. Just be yourself. You know, sometimes the feeling that all eyes on me— oh, People's eyes are fixed on their problems. Somebody is looking at you and you are— you are— see, let me tell you something. Somebody is looking at you, maybe as the fellow is staring at you, the look looks bad, but actually it is like that because the person is thinking about fuel. Sometimes people are looking in direction but they are not seeing you. They are seeing what they are thinking. Are you following what I'm saying here? Because if you have low self-esteem, everything will matter to you. Did you see now? See, see, see, I will greet her again now. Watch how she responds. And then pass. I say, good afternoon, ma. That one is thinking about the problem. I say, you see, they don't like me. They don't like me. They don't like me. I don't know what I've done. I don't know what I've done. And then the devil, being an opportunist, will now begin to bring many things that are locked in your own soul as to the reason why you may feel they should not like you and say, that's it, that's it, they don't like you. They are not people of love. Don't mind them. Don't mind them. That somebody's day can be spoiled by one WhatsApp status? No. Let me tell you something: anywhere there's no expectation, there's no frustration. Be careful. I, I, I'm careful. I don't want to say this one because All these blogs, their wahala is too much. And let me also say this: I'm glad that when we spoke about the FRSC matter, that different TV stations took it up, and that shows us that our voice can be heard. And I got a report, was it yesterday, that the video got to the president and they are doing something about it now. And that's good. Now imagine If I have to wait that some pastors I respect have not spoken, the next generation can be built on validation. Just okay, but I hope we learn. Are you still there? Inferiority complex. And this is a serious one because it can be masked. It can be masked. People can do everything to cover it. What's the solution to the haunting feeling of inferiority complex? You must see yourself the way God sees you. Are you still there? What did I say? You must see yourself the way God sees you. You must refuse to be defined by what you have or what you don't have. You must accept to be defined by the quality of who you are in God's plan. How do you define— how do you, um, know the worth of a thing? Sometimes you know the worth by looking at the price. True, the price. You are so precious that the only price, the only thing that can buy you is the blood of Jesus himself. Now, to look at yourself and say you are worthless is to scorn the death of Jesus. You are important. You are so important, if you were the only one, Jesus would have still died. Amen. Let me tell you this: there are things I wish I have that I don't have yet, and it's okay. Okay, it's okay. The life of a man does not consist of the abundance of things he possess. It's okay. I wish I have this. I don't have it yet. I will have it someday. Aha. Okay, um, I just have to stay in God's will for my life, okay? And then when the time comes, he will provide. So when I see someone who has that thing, I celebrate them. It shows me that it is in the neighborhood.

The—

how many of you follow stories on YouTube every Saturday? Oh my, if you have never heard restoration before, I have preached it, but when I interviewed him, I saw it, that a lot can change in your life if you won't give up. One of the qualities you must have is the quality of being resilient. Let life beat you, you just don't be— don't be— don't give up. Keep rising again, keep fighting. Many of us are quick to give up. I'm just done. I've been doing this all my life, I'm done. You can't be done. There are many destinies hanging around you. You are not fighting for you alone.

Get up. Amen.

So don't wait for things to validate you— the kind of clothes, the kind of shoe, the kind of wig. Wig means so much to women. Is it true?

Huh?

No, this wig matter. Is it true? It's true. Yes, the kind of wig like— see, I know my wife is praying I should not talk. I should talk. This wig, you see, me as a man, I just have priorities. So me, I didn't know that wig is important. But we, we don't— so you get. But women need to look sharp, to look okay. But the good thing is, at every level you can be sharp. Simple. In fact, if there's no wig on You can even barb that thing and put some style. You even— they will even think you are the one controlling World Bank. But there's a kind of barber that will barb you. I need to balance it now. People will know that there's problem. I was in London to barb, and then the barber said I didn't book appointment. If you know who it is that have come to barb in your store, you would have barbed me and barbed tomorrow's. The guy was pressing his iPhone, iPhone. He said he didn't book appointment. Said so. I said, wow, I've never seen this in Nigeria. I was traumatized. I said, let's, let's, let's just go back home. Let's just— I said— and the girl came and said, no, no, no, I'm— someone is coming. Me, book appointment. Let me tell you something. Well, I think in the world of men, we really don't send as much as women. Any event you go to and you come back feeling your husband is not successful. It's a wrong event. Now women, you are not talking. It's a wrong event. You've gone there, women are doing their stuff, to God be the glory. Thank God for them. Some of them borrow the things. What do you mean? I tell you, you go back home and then you are, you are crying and then beating your husband up and say, look, look at what I saw. Mama, see out the way. What do you mean by my matinedu? Wrong event. If you have to have IBP over that high school fees, wrong school. Do everything at your level, sir. Is that okay now? My life is wired with structures. Structure for everything. That my wife— I know, no, there's, there's structure. This is where we are. This is where we are. I say, you are Apostle Femi Lazarus, forget about all those things. Apostle, are they giving money for it? The day I was on— they tell me I will take— I say I'm an apostle, give me fuel now. Sometimes it's so stressful. We are passing in the airport, ah, Apostle, they want you to drop something. Are you following what I'm saying here? Let me, let me say it again. Any family party or something that you have to go and borrow rapper to attend, don't attend. You come back from that place, instead of having joy, you are sad. Wrong party. Wrong party. You want to do naming ceremony. Thank God for the child so the child is not born into foolishness. This is what you have, this is what you can afford. New child, now there's debt. The child is owing at one week. Or on whose behalf did you borrow? You are bold now to buy a goat. Share cabin biscuit and water, everybody go home, man. Let me say it again. I've said this again and again. You want to get married, you don't want people to disturb about food, call me. I will join you together. I tell you, the sermon I will preach, nobody will be able to eat. When I'm done preaching, nobody will— except they are going to hellfire— nobody will open their mouth and eat. I tell you. Are you following what I'm saying here? Any condition that puts you in tight corner, leave it. Wedding gown is too expensive, rent. It's one day, it's one day. My wife's wedding gown, one time I saw the thing in the wardrobe and I'm like, my God, this is it? I know women will say things like, Femi Lazarus, your daughter can wait. Wait what? Life would have changed. What do you mean? There's nothing worth killing yourself over. Look at this. There was also a time we were dying for for? What's it called now? BlackBerry. I say, give me your PIN. BlackBerry Bold one, BlackBerry something black. You press the thing, the fingertips will be numb. Now is iPhone. And in Abuja here, they will hold this in a way you see the camera. Like, oh my goodness, somebody is beating up the man now. iPhone 16 is out now, buy. You keep chasing vanity. The Bible calls it superfluity of naughtiness. We are not defined by what we have. We are not defined by what we wear. That's not our life. If not, what you have will be your idol. I'm going to stop here. Um, the next one I want to give you will be addictions. There are addictions people have developed because of the kind of upbringing that they have. You see, um, let me talk this one and close. I will deal with addiction matter on Sunday, okay? The problem of the next generation is that when you want to look for the person that is your rival on your spouse's phone, you are not just looking for female name alone. The world is in trouble. Let's leave it there. And that's why we need to teach this, because if we are dealing with challenges like this at this level Hey, when the slay queens and the baddies have become mothers— are you there? And the— I know they hear anything, boys— they become fathers. There will be trouble. For the sake of the next generation, we must rise now. There's trouble coming. Sometimes I ask myself, what if Jesus doesn't come in the next 50 years? Look at the thoughts, the ideologies flying on internet, and God helps you, you fellowship with the internet more than your Bible.

Trouble.

Let's stop this here for tonight. Have you been blessed? Can I give you a moment? If you will go on your knees, please do. That whatever way the things of the past are still hanging around your soul and affecting your life and your decision-making process, that God himself will set you free. Don't pray that prayer casually, don't trivialize it. Pray it with the whole of your heart. Now God himself will set you free. He will help you. He will help you. He will help you. Please pray. Maybe some of you have seen yourself in this teaching tonight and you want to really pray. Maybe some things are still locking and hanging around your soul, and you're saying, God, I can see myself, um, these are things that are concerning about my life, I need help. Please cry to God.

Help me, help me, help me.

Help me. Please pray. Let me tell you this: God is going to see you through. He doesn't abandon his wounded soldiers. He does everything possible to make sure we are whole again. This series is one of his attempts to make sure that we receive wholeness again. So tell him, Jesus, thou Son of David, help me. Help me, help me overcome these things. Help me recover in this area. Help my heart. I don't want to walk in low self-esteem again. Help me, Lord. Deliver me from addictions. Deliver me from my own thoughts that is haunting me. Deliver me from bitterness around my soul because of the things I've seen. Help me. Help me, oh Jesus, thou Son of David. Just in a moment, I'd like Nkali to raise that sound we raised on Sunday again while we pray that prayer. Just in a moment. You know, before God we can be naked and yet unashamed. He's the one that knows our frame. He sees every part, and he's the healer. He heals every part. He takes away our infirmities. Ask him to help you. Ask him to help.

You gave me hope. You made me whole. At the cross.

Ah.

You took my shame. You showed me grace. At the cross. Where you died for me. And his glory appears like the light from the sun. Age to age, he shines. Oh, look to the sky, hear the angels cry, singing, holy is the Lord, and his glory Femi Lazarus. Like light from the sun, age to age he shines. Oh, you to the sky. Hear the angels cry, singing, "Holy is the Lord." Amen.

Now look up, everyone. How many of you know that these messages traveled around the world Are you aware that some things have been said tonight that are reasons why families have been struggling, some for 10 years, some for 20 years, some for 30 years? And there is deliverance following those words. Are you aware? We speak liberation that every ear that hears this wisdom is impacted, that families will be cured and healed because of the wisdom of God going forth. Every ear will hear this, and there will be liberation. Anyone here who is still dealing with bitterness, pain, unforgiveness, there is healing in your soul. You will no longer be afraid. You will no longer doubt yourself. It is done in Jesus' mighty name. Let's give Jesus a big, big, big, big hand. Thank you, Lord. Amen. Please, you may want to be seated for just a moment. Thank you. Hallelujah.