GHEALEAD 4

Very sensitive one tonight, and I want you to pay very important attention. Though I said to you, if you look at the history of man carefully, um, from Genesis 1:26 When God first spoke the idea of man, he said, come, let us make man in our image and after our likeness. By the law first mentioned, this is the first time it's been mentioned. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the fowl of the air, over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth. Now the next verse: So God created man in his own image. In the image of God created he him; male and female created he them, and God blessed them. And God said unto them, be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth. So the earth is blessed if the blessed version of man is what replenishes the earth. Hey, did you get that? Yes, sir. Let me come again. The earth is blessed if the blessed version of man is what replenishes the earth. Now let me give a quick summary so you can understand how intense what we are dealing with is. The next thing we saw in Genesis chapter number 2, God came to give a physical frame to the spiritual man he's made. So Genesis 1, God made. Genesis 2, how he made. Genesis 3, how what he made was attacked. Now you want to ask yourself a question: why did the devil attack them when he did? Now, if you know anything about warfare or battles. Now you will understand that the time of attack is as important as the strategy of attack. Hello, are you there? What did I say? The time of attack is as important as the what? Strategy. For instance, you want to attack when your enemy is more vulnerable. There's timing. Let's pick a few lesson from the story in Genesis 3. Number one, the devil came after them while their seeds was still in their loins. Wow. Now that's consequential, such that in attacking the very life they carry, if they can die, they will produce after the order of the dead nature. He attacked a family and through the family attacked humanity. So we can, in other words, put it like this: that the first attack of the devil recorded in scripture was against a family. So, and it worked, it worked. So it means going forward, it is only strategic to repeat what works. Are you still there? The first Adam came as a living soul. Jesus came as the second Adam, who is now a life-giving spirit. The first Adam fell through an act of direct rebellion against God by eating what he should not eat because he now preferred the wife. When it came to Jesus, it was food also first. The issue is that the devil believes that if it worked before, it can work again. If attacking one family yielded so much result like this, then attacking families is only strategic and normal. Are you there? That's the wisest or the smartest thing to do. Okay, please, both of you come. The pastor and his wife. If I can— this is pastor and his wife. They have 7 children. Economy has nothing on you. Hello. They have what? 7 children. 7. Perfection. Instead of attacking the children one by one, it is only strategic for the devil to attack this union then the effect of the union will attack the children. That's the concept. And it's going to yield different fruit. Some amongst them will grow up and saying, I don't want to get married. That's not normal. And that's not your portion. Please sit for a while. So staying on the subject of families is warfare because that's where the battle is hot. Are you there? That's where the battle is, what? Hot and fierce. That's where the devil is waiting. If you have a bad omelette, it's because you first have a bad egg. So a person is not a bad husband because he's married. He was a bad bachelor. A person is not a bad wife because she's married. She was a bad Spreester. Okay, I don't know why we call Bachelor more than we call the other one. It's difficult to pronounce. So it takes that deformity, wearing suit on top, or wearing gown on top, and fantastic makeups and fantastic hairdresser, whatever it is, and get some surface work done. But if internally the fellow was a goat, the fellow is actually still a goat. I shared the story of a guy that knocked out his mother-in-law on his wedding day. In case you don't know what it means to knock a person out, it was with fist. The fellow who told me said he knocked her the hell out. It was argument about they didn't serve this family, they didn't serve that family, and he knocked her out. The wife fainted. She was knocked out by proxy, remote, remote job. She passed out, she passed out. My God, she had seen it, but motivational speaker told her that it will change. My God, it can change. Someone is angry, his hand is shaking, he pick plates 'Break it!' You shouted, 'Blood of Jesus!' Then he said, 'I'm sorry, you know.' And he finds sweet words to tell you, 'I'm not usually like this, but you know.' Around where you come. Now, this guy was marrying this girl, and the night before the wedding day was drunk with his friends, so they slept at the beer parlor. They were looking for him at the hotel. He was gone. It was the sun that woke him up that it was his wedding day, and he quickly went there, couldn't brush, did a quick fix, was buttoning his suit on bike. You too, you said, ah, the girl was gorgeously dressed. Waiting for our king. Now you carry Mumu wear suit for him, put my king on top, put on for your status. My God, when they gave him the wedding certificate, he folded in his back pocket. And what I'm telling you is a real story. Say, 'You may kiss the bride.' He said, 'No need.' Why should there be a need? His mouth was smelling. So it is only strategic for the devil to attack families. It's only strategic. Okay, so I began to show you, and today we're going to get into serious conversations. Are you ready for me? All right, so I began to show you some of the effects of these attacks, particularly on individuals. And I said one of the things that can happen because of growing up from a traumatic background or a dysfunctional root is that you can be trapped in the past. You can be trapped in your childhood emotions. And I gave you symptoms of that. Number 1, I said fear or timidity, fear of rejection, fear of being criticized, fear of not being loved, fear of being seen, fear of making mistakes, and so on and so forth. I gave you all that. Number 2, people pleasing. Adi, if you grew up from a place where you have to earn approval Then you might have it as a custom where you want to please people, or you crave for their approval. You want to belong to their caucus. Number 3, I don't know if I spoke about that, trauma. Number 4, inferiority complex. Number 5, addictions. And I spoke about substance abuse, sex addiction, talk about same-sex relationship and all that, nightlife addiction. I didn't talk about food addiction. Many of you don't know that there is food addiction, that you can be addicted to Let me give you a very simple— the same way people abuse, um, people get depressed. There is a kind of depression that a person can't stop eating. Yes, when the fellow feels down, just want to pick anything. In fact, I have seen cases of individuals addicted to eating sand. Yeah, and even broken bottles, and they will break it like chin chin. Well, you may call it demonic when an habit lingers for so long A spirit becomes responsible. That's why people try to stop and they can't stop. I was in a party, family party now. Then they were sharing alcohol drink. Years back. Then they had a round table, then they were pouring for everyone. Then it was a lady who was pouring. I said, this drink is for men. So I said, I don't drink. They said, are you not a man? Some started drinking because of peer pressure, so I should not look like the odd one out, then start drinking. Azu. I was in Italy, and when I got to the hotel, I was so thirsty, and I didn't find water in the fridge. So all the things that I saw there, they didn't write there with English. Well, I, I looked at them, I don't understand. Let me drink the one— let me check by the Spirit. I didn't know that the Holy Ghost was saying, your own. So I picked a bottle, I said, this, this, this, this should be malt. I open and gobbled. Ah, this is good. I finished, I finished my meeting at night. Told the girl at the hotel, hey, Pastor. I said, yes, Pastor. She said, then drink. No alcohol. I said, no alcohol. I said, no alcohol. She said, no alcohol. Then she gave me Ogogoro. I said, so what was all the drama for? Amen. You see, when, when you— sometimes people get into these vices because you found yourself in environment where it felt like if you are not doing it, you don't belong. And the reason why you had to join them was because you, you've not learned to stand alone without validation. One time I was a DJ, we were at a party and then they were smoking and they will give the next person. You know, people who smoke sometimes they don't even used to check, put in the mouth, used to put in. That thing will not make them think about that. You pass, and I was there, yo man, yo man, reformed guy. So they gave me— my hand was shaking. I brought— I don't let me add this to my problem, please pass. Some feel, what will it look like that among guys I can't do this? That's not what makes you a man. Real men stand their ground. Somebody's saying, is there a scripture that speaks against smoking igbo? Now, I like to call things by the real name that they are called. It's not only igbo that the Bible did not speak about. Didn't speak about many things because they've not been invented as at that time. But the things that were their equals as at that time, the Bible spoke against them. Once you start finding scriptures that speak against things like that, you are going small, small. Say, hold on, show me where the Bible speak against marijuana. Why are you not looking for where the Bible spoke about soul winning and all that? Because the devil likes to lure people, likes to lure. I'm getting somewhere. Are you still there? Stay with me. Number 6. I said one of the marks of dysfunctionality, which can also involve being trapped in your childhood mind or trapped in the past, is that such individuals tend to have to be violent. Violence in the society oftentimes is because such individuals were raised by violent individuals or raised in violent environment. And when you are raised by violent individuals, you see violence as a norm. Physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse— these are components of violence. Maybe you grew up, for instance, in a place where they used to curse a lot. One of the implications of that is that you may no longer understand the gravity of words. I've heard things in this life when, when some people conjure curses. This is not just stepmothers, stepfathers. This is mother to daughter, because sometimes there is the tendency to heap up your own frustration on your kids and just release words. Or sometimes in places where children grew up, they were— they saw being told to get into the room because Dad was about to beat Mom. That's going to affect their psyche. About life. Unfortunately, some of you saw the things you ought not to see when you were growing up. You saw your dad and your mom sometimes maybe get— they got physical, or they use words on each other and curse at each other and say all those things. Maybe you even grew up in a place where you've had neighbors come to help settle a fight. And many of you may not even know that it's not normal for your parent to want to beat you and you have to run away, and it's neighbors that are begging. Those are small, small act of violence, and somehow they affected your esteem, they affected the quality of individuals you were becoming. Probably some of you grew up in places where neighbors know— they knew the shout of your mom. That when someone is talking like that, ah, he's beating the wife again. There was a family around us growing up, at least every Sunday they will fight and get each other naked. Listen, when children see things, it doesn't just show them what is happening, it shows them what is possible. There are possibilities you don't have to know about, because once you know it is possible, you have the tendency of repeating it. Some men have become violent, some women have become violent, and they are still saying, after all, it's not as bad as my parents' marriage, because there's one that they've seen as a standard of violence and their likings. And you will not know when it gets to that point and even go above it. I think I saw a video when they were asking children what their parents call each other at home, and one said idiot. It's not normal. And when children are raised from such background and they hurt like that, they want everyone to feel their pain. All right, some things that happen in society are not normal. That, that, that's the offshoot of defective family structures. It is the duty of parents to come together to help their children build LD emotions. Some parents don't know that the way you slap that child can be an act of violence. Children should be corrected. All right, yes, but there are corrections and there are some that are product of frustration. Maybe you had a bad day. I've seen people slap their own children and the child gets hospitalized. This is not family members now, this is mother or father to Some of you, you, you, you still have memories of one particular beating you can't forget. There were many, but there was this particular one. Maybe in the process of the beating, they were hitting you also with leg. You are not a criminal, and that thing will— it, it, it doesn't leave the mind. And the emotion of such a person has been scarred. When you ought to be soft, you may not know when you become so hard. Hard with words, hard with your action, hard because your emotions have been scarred. Sometimes You should not really be afraid of conflict in a relationship so you can know how deep the other person is. What can you say? What can you not say? I regret the day I met you. I regret the day I saw you. I, I, I, I, you call yourself a woman, so you call yourself a man, you, you, those are words that may not go away even after the matter is sorted. Don't use temporary emotions to cause permanent damage. And sometimes the reason why you do what you do is because that was what was mirrored to you while you were growing up. Let me say this to you: the fact that you ate something in your parents' marriage doesn't mean you can't repeat it or even do worse. It is not enough to hate dysfunctionality. You must deliberately put yourself on the path to have healthy emotions and to build healthy homes. Are you still there? Are you getting tired? All right, so I need to take this systematically because they're important. It is not enough to hate what you saw. You must put yourself on the path of building LD emotions. LD emotions. Anywhere you find yourself, the people will have a taste of what your background looks like. Are you there? Why do you talk the way you talk? Why do you do the things you do? Because it was communicated to you. So check, most times you never see anyone coming from a home where father and mother got it right. Serve God and pick a gun on the streets to go kill people. You never find. Most times because the hedge is broken, and now the children are the victims. In fact, in most cases, some can't even trace who their father is. That's why I said a father— a man is not a father because he got a woman pregnant. You are not a father until you nurture. Are you still there? A father nurtures, stays around, help his children form, help them become. And the most important way to do that is to model what is right. What you model is more powerful than what you teach. That's the most important way to do that, to model what is correct. How about cases where children grew up knowing their father is in the prison? Most cases they tend to become violent also. Look at it. The first mention, or the first demonstration of violence in the Bible, was from a dysfunctional background. Cain and Abel, you see. Disfunctional background is not necessarily a background where father and mother have gone separate ways. Inasmuch as they are not in their God-ordained path, it is dysfunctional. Adam and Eve had left God, right? They've sinned, and now from nowhere, Cain killed his brother. Where did he see that? There are things that are not possible in an atmosphere of correct priesthood. They are not possible. They are not possible. How— who taught him to pick a stone to strike his brother on the head? How did he know that? Instinct. Because of the environment. See, there are questions to ask yourself. If I say yes to this guy, are we going to come together to make the world a better place? If I say yes to this lady— with an angry man thou should not go. That's what the Bible says. Are you with me? So you can study Genesis chapter number 4 when you get back home. Also, something quite close to that is the word crime. The tendency or the ability to commit crime most times are offshoot of defective family structure. Stealing, different kind of crimes. And most time because there was no one to model how to do life correctly. Oh, the blessedness of father and mother coming together to bless their children. To speak words over them, to counsel the children, to demonstrate what is correct. Oh, the blessedness! If you look at it, you see that the devil doesn't want any home to be fine. He wants to distract you so that you don't have time for their formation, and they begin to manifest different tendencies. This is not an African thing, it's a global thing, okay? That some children, they don't see— before we start judging people, some place, some people have nowhere to call home. They have to sleep under the bridge and find anyone. And when they are exposed to the, to the community like that, they teach them nonsense. Let me show you scriptures. Turn your Bibles there. Ezekiel chapter number 34. I will show you this scripture. I'll tell you a story. If you are there, say amen. Ezekiel chapter number 34. Now look at this, let me jump to verse Um, just a moment. Ezekiel 34, let's start the reading from verse 14. Okay, let's start from verse 8. Thank you so much. As I live— please pay attention to this— as I live, says the Lord, surely because my flock became a prey and my flock became a meat to every beast of the field. That is when parents are shepherd, because that's your first assignment. When they fail to do their duty, the children become prey to anybody. Anyone can influence them, send them to get cigarettes, send them to get all those things. They ought not to be exposed to that, but because the shepherds are busy, so they become meat to every prey. Someone is sleeping with the girl in the street, nobody knows. One uncle is raping the child, nobody knows. The father doesn't pray, he's not aware of what's going on. People are taking advantage of the children, they don't know. Because they are busy dealing with life. You can't outsource parenting. And people have gone through things. Many parents have no idea of 10% of what their children have survived. They sit down in family meetings and the children know, they don't even know me. Many parents just want to go My daughter is a doctor, and they will make the children study courses for their ego. They become meat for every creature. The boy is being sodomized by fellow males. He can't talk. Sometimes by a priest, he can't talk because they've not built communication line. How many parents can hold 10-minute conversation with their children on phone? 10 minutes. When was the last time you spoke with either of your dad or your mom for 10 minutes and it was not a fight or, or reporting the fight? 10 minutes of jisting. Many of you were raised in places where you were seen but not heard, and that's the wrong pattern. Many children lost their— many parents lost their children when they were growing up, only to try to build friendship with them when it's too late. The gap between many children and their parents is like the gap between heaven and earth. They don't know each other anymore. It's too late to sit down, to smile genuinely, to have family Christmas where nobody left the bag and just pick the bag and say, I'm gone. Some families may not be able to meet again together till Jesus comes, because you don't even know where you start repairing from. Some parents are even too broken to help their children from bleeding. So they became meat to different creatures. Some children will finish their semester on campus and they can't go anywhere. Dad and mom are separated. Mom's gone to marry another man. Dad, several women. Who do we spend the holidays with? Let's spend with a friend on campus. And now I will take advantage of them. Let's continue that scripture. Are you still there? Look at it. As I live, says the Lord God, surely because all my flock became a prey and my flock became meat to every beast of the field, because there was no what? Shepherd. Neither did my shepherds search for my flock, but the shepherds feed themselves and fed not the flocks. There are families that you may not talk for a month, and until there's a need, nobody cares. There's no open own communication line. Many of you think you have forever to build your home. It's a lie. This is the best time. Once those children get into school, that's it, they are gone. The remaining phase will be the repercussion of what you have done. Now might be the best time to make your children your friends. And to build a culture where they can talk to you and gist. Now might be the best time to learn to pray together. You don't have forever to do it. And sometimes what can be damaged in a short while, you can't repair in a long time. You can't. Are you still there? Wow, it's very important. I don't want us to be naive. I don't want us to be ignorant. There are things going on. Years back, I saw a boy Very good-looking young boy, he should be about 5. His mother was into prostitution, so they called my attention to the boy. He was a smart boy, and whenever the mom was busy with the customers, they sent the boy to go buy cigarettes and buy different kind of stuffs. And while the mom was inside working with customers, he'll be roaming about. Some will leave, um, leftover food and say, 'You finish it.' So I said, 'Talk to her. I'm interested in taking care of the boy. We can put him in a motherless home, but I'll be responsible for his care, school fees and all that. You can come check your child, it's your child. She agreed. Then she went to tell some people who convinced her that I don't mind all those pastors, maybe you wanted to use your child for ritual. Then they gathered people, and I got the intel that they are looking for you there. That if you come, they might lynch you because they feel the boy— you wanted to use the boy for a ritual. So I said, all right, to your tent, O Israel. About a month later, I got a call that the lady went to sleep with an alhaji and he used her for a ritual. So I asked, where's the boy? Nobody knew his whereabouts. When the foundation is destroyed, even great destinies can be wasted. There are children who ought to become more, but environment, environment Environment, fragmented environment broke them. They were exposed to what they ought not to see early. Unless God helps, such a child may find himself in the midst of criminals who will teach him how to fight. And the boy that was once fresh, you see him, you see different scars. Because once we get the family structure wrong, The products from such families may have tendencies to commit crime because they were raised in violent ways. That's the power of environment. My prayer for you is that God will keep you alive for your children. Maybe you don't like that prayer. Are you still with me, or you are getting tired? If you look at the story in Genesis chapter number 27, after Rebekah lied to Isaac, Jacob got the blessing, or at least dramatically, of Esau. Esau vowed, he said, I will kill him. There are families that the elder can kill the younger and the younger can kill the elder, and there are families that it's not just that they can, they do it. How do they get there? That somebody will kill his elder brother over a plot of land, somebody will kill his younger over a plot of land. That's why I'm praying that God will keep you alive. There are homes that if anything should happen to anybody now, the first thing family members will come to collect is kaki. Put your house in order. Put your house in order. When they know that you don't even honor your wife and they treat the children anyhow— listen, again I'm praying for you. God will keep you alive. Are you still there? Yes, sir. There serious matters. Esau vowed, said, I will kill my brother when I see him. I'll kill him when I see him. Number 8, one of the scars of a dysfunctional background which involves being trapped in your childhood mind is loneliness. And most times this is a product of coming from a place where you are only seen and not heard. In Genesis 34, the Bible said, Dinah, the daughter of Leah, which she born to Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. So it means that the people she could share companionship with were outside. And the Bible said Shechem, the son of Hamor the Hivite, saw her, took her, lay with her, and defiled her. Loneliness is not the quality of being alone, it's a quality of lack of emotional compatibility. You can be around people, but yet nobody touches the heart. Such an insensitive environment that nobody even knows what you think thinking. You see, look at me everybody. If you allow complication linger, you have no idea how far it will go. It can so linger that there are too many problems to attend to that you don't even know someone is dying right there. A child can be in a house, get pregnant 5 times and commit abortion, and the father is still saying, my daughter is a virgin. He doesn't even know. He doesn't even know. A boy— I was, I was, for the sake of— I was— I won't mention the place. I was in a country I was called— this should be about 7 years ago— I was called to come and pray for a family who just gave birth. I laid hands on the boy, laid hands on the girl. My spirit was vexed. Haha, what's going on here? I called the guy. That— so the child was their second child. So I said, are you guys from this place? Said, no, no, no, no, we are Nigerians. So I said, okay, how about your parents? I said, long story. So I said, I'm here, I will listen. They were students, the parents sent them to school to study. Listen to what I'm telling you, he got the girl pregnant, first child, part one. All right, when the pregnancy was still early, she quickly went home, greeted them, came back. The pregnancy matured, she gave birth. They didn't know Jack. That child was there playing. Now this is the second child, and they were saying that my daughter is in school. Your daughter have to What kind of spiritual slumbering was that? I don't know if you get what I'm saying here. That the child— you are saying, listen to what I'm saying. The issue is that there is no parental relationship. It is not enough to send school fees. Go there, take them, go without announcement, give them surprises. I'm surprised that you are laughing. Are you feeling— I'm saying, let me tell you something. Relate with your children in such a way that even when they make mistake, they will prefer to be in your hands than in the hands of a stranger. That— see, the prodigal son said, I will go back home now. I prefer to be a slave in my father's house. We are not saying don't be principled though. Be principled, but understand the language of mercy, that your children know that they are not loved because they are flawless. They are loved because Daddy gave them— Mommy and Daddy— because I don't want to say what I ought not to say. Are you following what I'm saying here? Because while they were thinking that children, they are in school, my daughter should be in Part 4 now, they are coming home with a family, correct one, mature children. I'm not telling you what I saw in movie. I told— are you, are you— I saw the kid too. The funny thing is that now, till now, they may not even know. What are the things you have gone through that your parents don't even know? Some of them, if they, if they know, they will faint. You just sit down and say, let me just, let me just talk about just 1% of my life. In so, so, so year, I went through— gone, casket. Because in most homes, we have no stomach for conversations. Let me tell you something. When people have difficult things to tell you, how you receive the first one determines what they say next. All right, you want to talk to Mommy? This, this, this, this. Ah no, not my daughter! I cover you with the blood of Jesus. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go to prophesy! Oh yeah! And the girl, he say, what have I even said now? If I now say the remaining one now, where we go to? Go and buff my head. And then the child will swear an oath of silence. And some, because of insensitivity of the parent, they are looking but they are not seen. They look but they are not seen. And some children have facts that they will take to the grave, and their parents will only get to heaven to find out. Their first 2 weeks in heaven, all they are saying is, ah, ah, ah, ah. All they are saying, ah, saying, look at your, ah, look at your son, ah. Are you there? Let me tell you something. Most males who got into homosexual tendencies were actually raped by fellow males, and the affection towards females died. They, they just cease to have the ability to be attracted towards a woman. I'm telling you, even you, if a man should first rape you You may not know what you'll be thinking right now. Better thank God. Look at you, if they don't catch you one time, you may— I, I feel that's a subject matter that the church now need new wisdom to deal with, because this one you have seen on social media, it has spread more than you are thinking. See, now before, now you just hug another guy. See, even me as a pastor I say, just shake me, leave my ass. I will punch you. That's the way a guy is looking at you, I say, wait till they look. Tell me now, let me know. How many of you were abused as children until now your parents don't know? They have no clue. Thank God for boarding schools, but the days are here that you have to reconsider. Sela, say it's boys only. Wahala. It's girls only. What I'm saying is that in these days and time, parenting is enough ministry. I'm telling you. Say, let's let them just grow small here, then we send them to America. We send— are you going to be there? I don't want to say what, but social media will twist what I'm not saying, so I'm careful. Because small thing now, your boy is now buying ba. He said, I just, I just like it. And any small thing when he say, he say, daw. Where's the mic? Where's the mic? He now likes this kind of bags and he carries them like this. Wahala! There's a father who ought to see that at the root and show him what a man looks like and sit him down. That's not who you are. People find justification because fathers are missing. Fathers. Next year we're going to begin Men's Conference. Towards all our branches. Men, are you excited? Yes, sir! I can't wait, I can't wait for us to have camp meetings and pray and study and learn. Oh, glory to God! The days are getting darker, and the church must learn how to adapt with these trying times. If you are going to do ministry now, you have to be really called. Because there are— God have mercy. That the Father is in the house doesn't mean he's present. Don't you get it? Can he see? Can he hear? Does he have the laws of God to communicate his ordinance to his children? Is he strong? God made man male and female, created he them. He made Adam as the foundation, then made Eve. The foundation must be strong. You must be strong. You can't be a weakling. You can't change your vision depending on the kind of girl you are asking out. You have to be strong. You have to stay with it, nurture it. And even when it is not speaking yet, be bold about it and don't be lazy. Any society that the men get it right, that society becomes sane. And I want to appreciate all the men in this room. You are the real MVPs. Thank you. Because of you, we believe there is hope. That you didn't say, you go to church, I watch online. Thank you. Thank you. I know the society doesn't celebrate you enough when you do right, but we are thanking you this evening. Thank you. You must make the vow that your children will not suffer what you've suffered. You must make the vow, and they will not see the rejection you faced. You must make the vow. Are you still with me, or should I round up? Now this is where it gets serious. You see, the issue of loneliness Oftentimes comes from abandonment. When children are abandoned to figure out life on their own at the age that they still need care, some became breadwinners when they ought to still be getting bread. And sometimes they know that all the family needs me for is the money. When they didn't have, there were nobodies. Now that they have, they were celebrated. They are celebrated. A man can give the money and in his heart he's saying, is this it? Have it. And he knows we share nothing together. I mean, male and female. Now that's the state of many families. Unfortunately, you get to a point that the only thing you are useful for is the next money, the next bill. There's an auntie calling, my husband didn't drop money for soup, my children are starving. There are the siblings also calling, money for this, money for that. Nobody cares whether you borrow, just give. So sometimes people have to start building their life not from level 1, from -10, and they have to strive to even catch up with level 1, then try to catch up with their colleagues. That's the unfortunate case, and that's why it becomes quite funny when we try talk down on the importance of getting finance right. 'Let's marry, we'll see how we go from there.' I'm sorry, I'm not going to talk down on faith, but faith without work is dead. One of the purpose of money is for security. Now you are living in a state that you must not have one emergency, and we call it Christianity. Why do we deceive ourselves? People are dying. Somebody is sick. If this fellow is taken to the hospital on time, the fellow will be fine. Then they won't take this man to the hospital, not because there is faith, but because there's no money. They now use faith, pseudo faith, to replace lack of money. Then the person dies. Now look, make God look like an unjust God. God gave the doctors the intelligence. I told you, I was speaking with One of my spiritual daughters on phone, she was sick. So I said— I was hearing a woman crying in the background. So I said, what's wrong with her? She said, um, their son is sick and the doctors are not taking the child because they don't have money to drop. I said, how much? Can't remember, maybe 10,000 or so. So I said, tell the doctors that I said take the child, put the bill on me. And told the doctors. The moment the man and his wife heard, they said, ah, ah, thank you, but let him just give us the money. The Bible said Can a mother forsake a sucking child? The Bible never said no. It was an open-ended question, not answered. Because now there are mothers who give birth and put the child in the bag and leave the child. Just last week, a woman gave birth to a child and killed the child. I think dropped the child from about 4 building stories. Gave birth, pushed, then dropped the child, a male child, from like 4 building stories, and the child died. If you force such to become mothers, they are emotionally disconnected from the child, so the child's life will be miserable. These are the things that go on to affect our societies. They, they, they create a system of imbalance. And until we teach these things with the wisdom of God, when the problem finally come, even pastors will run. You see, many of you may not understand the importance of my teachings yet. It doesn't matter how much you think it's blessing you, wait for another 10 years. I'm doing these things intentionally and storing them, archiving them. A generation is rising who needs them more. May our eyes be opened. Are you still with me? Loneliness comes from abandonment. Till now, many of you have not still recovered and learned the science of communication. You just find yourself not wanting to see anybody or talk to anybody and just keep your thoughts to yourself. And sometimes you cry, sometimes you weep. You don't want anybody to intrude. You have friends who think they are your friends, but you know they are not your friends because you know they know nothing about your life. Life. Maybe you were betrayed and now you are scared of trusting yourself to the hands of anyone. Well, you should be careful, but don't live without friends. And there are some of you that people, it, it, it, it hurts to love you. It's, it is painful to love you because you are just not accepting love. You deflect every form of love in your direction. Once people show you love, you start having panic attack. Why they show me love? That's so nice, rich. I just go that church, that Apostle Femi Lazarus, he just say shake my hands. I'm not going again. Why is love hurting you? You. Why is he hurting you? You're scared. You are locked in a box and you don't want to be reached. You feel safe when you are alone and you feel threatened when you are seen. It risky that way. Come out of the shadows. You have many conclusions that it pays to just do this life alone. Something got you to that point. You weren't born that way. Come out. Our friends. Go out, enjoy your birthdays, allow people to celebrate you. You don't have to develop dark philosophies around happy days. It's not healthy that way. You pride yourself in not falling into trouble, really? But you are in trouble, because if people should know what you're going through, maybe help would have And sometimes when you take this culture into marriage, no spouse is equipped to help you. What marriage solves is the challenge of being alone, not the challenge of being lonely. There's just someone who has now come into your life who will be frustrated because you cry but nobody knows what you're thinking. You have so much to say but yet nothing is coming out. You think about so many things but you only speak sparingly. And the rope that ties a lonely person is fear. Fear of being rejected when you finally say it. Fear of being misunderstood, particularly if you are married to a spouse who is quick to talk. Come out from that dark shadow. You've dwelt in that space enough, you will be fine. Number 9, the challenge of distorted emotions, and this is a very serious one. The emotions that you have are not bad. Being emotional is not a bad thing. They are a blessing from God. You express yourself with it. You have the feeling of love, the feeling of whatever feeling But those emotions can be distorted. For instance, it is possible to grow old and have never tasted love, real love. You don't know what it looks like, particularly in cases where the person's first exposure to love was sex. The fellow finds it difficult to know how to love without sex, without touching. He wants to love, but the first expression that was communicated to him was when there is love, there should be sex. So the emotions around that subject matter is distorted. It doesn't understand it. Let me give you another instance. Are you aware that there are people who dread phone calls? They don't want to talk to anybody. When the phone rings, they are scared. Was Daddy verbally abusive? Every time he calls, he talks you down. Every time he calls, there's complaints. And now you're just scared. And people don't understand the reason why you can't sustain relationships for long, because once they take you serious, you become afraid and you find a way to discard them out of your life. People love you, but you struggle to hold it down, because once it's getting serious, it scares you. Just scares you, just afraid. The friends you are able to keep are friends who don't call you all the time. You— those ones who care so much, you burn out. I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do is. That's not the way you were created. Something went wrong. And sometimes when the emotions of a person are distorted, the person lacks the ability to connect, doesn't connect with people. May say nice stuff, may greet you well, may even gist with you, but won't bond. Won't bond. And if anything goes wrong, the way they will exit your life is a sign sign that they never bonded. Just— they hang around people's life in a way that living will not be hurtful because they expect it. Daddy left, or Mommy left, so you don't really expect people to stay. And when they stay, you have questions. Why is he staying? Why is she staying? Are you calling me? Someone is trying to know you. She called you in the morning, now he's calling in the evening, and your reaction all the time is, why is he calling me? Why is he calling me? Why is he calling me? Hey, some have no connection to anyone or any community, not even church. They love God, so you can mix loving God with connection, cuz they will do their duties well, but they are not here. And sometimes this comes with when you are used to being hot, you just kind of package yourself in a way where— in a way that you just tell yourself, I don't expect much from you. It's okay, do whatever you want to do. You may even get to a point that breakups doesn't hurt you anymore because you were never in it. The fellow was dating himself. The day he told you he's done, say, okay, is that it? All right, see you around. Sometimes that usually happens when sometimes people lose people so dear to them and they are like, I'm not going to go through this loss again. This is it. Nobody's ever going to take this space in my life anymore. You know, it is possible to lose a spouse, but you are still trapped with the spouse, and nobody can love you again. It is possible to be divorced, but you are still married emotionally because your emotional space is not vacant. And I spoke about the issue of soul ties. You know, if you will give me the look like when I say these things they are not real, but I know that they are real. That a woman can be married and she's happy, they post pictures online, but deep down she knows in her heart of heart, I would have been happier with the other guy, and the devil hangs around it. And sometimes, to be emotionally moved towards her husband, she has to imagine the face of the guy, and vice versa. These are battles. We don't talk about them in church, but they are real. Hey bro, they are real. They are very real. There are relationship breakups that if care is not taken, the two people may not recover from each other because they went emotionally far. God now helping either of them, they are now married to individuals who can't take them to that depth. They just keep mourning the fact that I know it exists, but this person doesn't have what it takes to take me there. In such cases, there are spouses who begin to pray and wish that their spouse dies. I know you don't believe me, but those who know knows. Marriage is deep. Set your matter before you say I do. And that's why God has given you a pastor that will teach you. I'm not done. Some girls still have the DMs from the guy they wish they said yes to, and they keep those DMs as idols. And they keep mourning it. I wish I said yes then. No, get out of it. The trap. Get out, get out. Take your mind out of it. We don't look like our problems, and that's where church becomes tricky, that you can dance all the dance and wear the nice clothes But the devil knows where the shoe is hurting you. The good news is that God knows too, and that's why he's sending his word. Don't mourn those things, because if you keep mourning it, it may become a standard for the person you want to marry. If the person doesn't meet up with it, you may be married but yet lonely. Because physically you are married to this guy, but emotionally you are married to that guy, and you may not even be talking. I'm telling you. Are you with me? Yes, sir. When I'm done teaching tonight, we're going to offload emotional baggages and ask Jesus to take control. You will not do your life in regret. I didn't hear that amen loud enough. You will live a clean life, a life of strength. There will be no loophole for the devil to attack your emotions. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. You will be fine. And sometimes out of pressure, you may say yes to someone you are not connecting with, and for life, if care is not taken, you may never connect. That's where marriage that ought to be pleasant becomes a box. You are just not connecting. It's like, connect first. I'm telling you, don't just say time is good, let me just do it. Mm, you may regret it. Even now, when the person talk, you can't stand it for more than 5 minutes. That's the person you want to marry for life. Sometimes nothing is wrong with you, you're just not connecting. You don't share similar aspirations, no similar vision, similar dream, nothing. What excites you doesn't excite him or doesn't excite her. Something is wrong. And sometimes what many parents are saying is, just bring husband, just bring husband, Bing! Okay, okay. Are you still there? So ask the man or the woman beside you, do you know how to love? Do you know how to communicate it? Do you know how to be affectionate? When you marry an individual whose emotion is distorted, one of the signs is that the fellow may not know how to provide emotional support in the marriage. He or she may want to but doesn't know how to, because you can't give what you don't have. You can be married and be emotionally naked, and this fellow should provide a form of emotional suku, covering. Understand the power of communication. Understand what emotional security means. And she can't give it because she doesn't have it. Sometimes he can't give it because he doesn't have it. Doesn't know how to be there for the partner. Doesn't know what to say when things are the way they are. She's crying, or he's crying. She's confused. Why are you crying? Wipe your tears and stand up. Why are you looking down? She's mourning. Just looking down. Just looking down. Is that it? Yesterday when you said this, did I not buy this for you? 'Look at you, just looking down, huh? Are you trying to emotionally guilt-trip me?' She's not trying to. There's a communication here. You don't understand the language because something is deficient. Tell us, the wife. I don't like you be moody around my house. And she's trying to say something, but to him, you have to put yourself together, then say it. And she's like, if I continue doing like this, you make me become another man. He's like, no, put yourself together. These are issues. So ask the man beside you, do you know how to provide support? And ask the woman beside you too, do you know how to provide support? It's weird the way husband and wife are sitting together. I don't want to fall into trouble. When your wife is down, you feel if you pamper her that she's going to be spoiled. That's your manly mind, that She will start asking. I do that all the time. Mighty man, I don't have time pampering a woman. Buy everything before she said yes. Now you don't change. Greet the odugu beside there and say, welcome, sir.