More success will not cure your sense of emptiness

Recently, as I sat with leaders, thought leaders, strategic leaders, heads of organizations, CEOs, senior pastors in a strategic room, having a strategic session, I observed this thread and I think it is too important to ignore, particularly looking at the fact that it is consistent across board. It is the fact that many leaders have this sense of emptiness despite their accomplishment. The fact that people can look up to you as one who is doing so much, one who inspired them, that they want to be like, they are aspiring to look like, but deep down in your heart as a leader, everyone feels you're succeeding but you. Just this sense of maybe I'm failing, maybe I'm not doing as much as I should do, maybe I'm just wasting my time. Now the question is, how do we address this elephant in the room, particularly looking at the fact that it is consistent with many leaders? And I can tell you for a fact I have been there. The point where everything looks good on the outside and everyone sees you as an inspiration, but down in your heart you just feel, maybe I'm not this, maybe I'm failing, maybe I'm just not who they think I am. Now, quick one. I have seen that one of the reasons why this happened to many leaders is the fact that there is no current disconnect between you and your sense of identity and your result. Sometimes we must understand that we live in a world that is fickle, not built on so consistent ground. Social media algorithm trends, hypes, and all kinds of things. And many leaders find themselves in this quagmire where they have unintentionally become one with their result. Their emotions feel good the days they accepted, and they feel down the moment the people suddenly turn around and see someone else. And that put them in that place where their sense of worth, their sense of value, what they feel about themselves, is consistently shifting on these grounds. You see, they are trying to have LD sense of self But the fact that they've put their mind and their emotions in a place where another person's feeling and opinions determine how they feel, they've outsourced their joy. And many leaders, despite the success, feel empty. Why? Because the success is not seen as success until it is like one that you want to be like. And sometimes it's also from the fact that you have put yourself in the place as a leader where you keep giving both financially, emotionally, intellectually. Every structure around you is wired to take from you, and what it gives you back is nothing. And you see, no one is designed to keep giving without receiving. Whether as a family man or as a wife, and you have your children, you pastor a church, you lead people, you have to be there emotionally. You feel this consistent need to show up, and that's not true. Whoever told you that you have to show up always lied to you. You really don't have to show up always. There are times on your journey that you have to choose you. You need to recognize that moment when the best option is disappearance. Not because you're a coward, not because you're weak, not because you're timid, but because you understand that even the tanker that fuels, that loads other people fuel, will have to queue in the petrol station to be fueled. Because you understand that once you put yourself in that place where all you do is give, give, give, and give, you will burn out. Many organizations have created toxic environment because the orientation of the organization is built around work and result. So the people give their best till there's nothing more to give, and they become a shadow of themselves and become toxic. You must know when to stop, particularly Now that we're in the world that measure progress by activities, sometimes the greatest activity and the greatest form of progress is silence. Silence is not emptiness. Silence is not failure. When attention is not on you, that doesn't mean you're not doing well. You must not build a life that is fueled by attention and opinion. When you do that, you won't last because those opinions will always be shifting based on the way that people feel and the trends and the cultural orientation of the times. Strategic leaders are those who have learned to set the pace regardless of opinions and feelings, and you will have the energy to do that when you have learned consistently to step aside. And embrace the silence. Sometimes run. Yes, you heard me, run. I've observed nursing mothers— this has happened several times— families and friends. A woman has a child, she has children. This one is saying, Mommy this, Mommy that. She has a child that she's breastfeeding. There comes a time you just notice that the woman has gotten into the restroom and she's not coming out. What's she doing? She's choosing herself. Because you have to be intact to be able to give. You cannot give from an empty crown and can learn it. It's not always about activities. And one of the very important reason why this conversation is important for you is because Our world doesn't lack options. If you die, you will find out you're just one of the options. If something goes wrong with your home because you didn't have time for your spouse, the same people you have spent that time trying to bless, trying to leave, trying to inspire, will hurl stones at you. And that's what I'm saying. Set your priority to do the things that are important. Outsource the things that should be outsourced. Delegate the things that should be delegated. Only do the things that you have to do. And that's the secret of individuals who have learned to build multiple successful organizations. They have learned to prioritize what should be prioritized, delegate what should be delegated, and outsource what should be outsourced. Don't forget, our world doesn't lack option. And I also need to add this: it is not success or peace of mind. Whatever costs you your peace, whatever costs you your joy, is taking too much from you. You see, in this part of the world where unfortunately we're in a classy society that respect is earned through results. Accolades comes through the things that you have, and people don't see reasons to honor anybody until they have things to show for it. You might look at that from afar and it becomes what you dread, and you have put yourself on the frantic race where you just want to get the result by all means so you can be among those that they respect. You can be among those that they talk about. You can be among those that inspire and those that they admire. But here's the danger: if at the end of all that you lose yourself, you've lost too much. Many have lost their humanity in the pursuit of success. Many have lost their tenderness. Their softness, their sweetness. They can't even find themselves anymore. Oh yes, money is flowing in, but as a leader, it feels like you're in a dark room. In that dark space, you have people, but yet you feel all alone. No one is communicating to your heart anymore. Some don't even have friends. And that's the thing. Some pastors don't have friends. Some executives don't have friends. And I'm not talking about those who say, my brother. I'm talking about those who are brothers indeed, those that you can cry together, weep together, jump and do the rough play. You know, there is the therapeutic essence of that, that you have people who call you by your name, um, whose joy is your joy, whose sorrow is your sorrow, whose battle is your battle. It is important. You can have a structure that allow you choose you, your mental health, your peace of mind, and yet you are effective at the things that you do while you have family life going intact, you have friends going on well, and your health is not failing. It is not success. All those things. And that's the reason why I want to talk to you today, dear leader. Do you still see you? Do you still feel you? Are you still in touch with reality? Are you still soft? Are you still sweet? Are you still kind? What have you done with the betrayals at the place of work, those who left Those who invested in, criticized you, took all the secrets of your organization and joined your rivals and began to use those things to equip them. What have you done with your pain? What journey has it taken you to? What's happening to you? Are you still there? Are you still fine? Are you still intact? Do you still want to proceed? Do you still want to continue? And yes, I'm not talking about the work. I'm talking about people. Loving people, trusting people, investing in people, believing in people, working with people, even despite all that has happened in the past. Are you ready to step out of the dark? And maybe this conversation is that clarion call you need to get that awakening that it's time to drop the pen, close the laptop, drop the mic, step aside. Rest. When you get that rest, you come back refreshed, emotionally available, stronger. You come back more present, more aware, and now you can work and you can be the kind of blessing you want to be. Now let me wrap up with this. Femi Lazarus. Separate your emotions from acceptance. Separate yourself from your result. Separate your mind from your success and failure. You are not the acceptance, you are not the accolades, you are not your result, and you are not your failure either. One time, a man called Jethro saw an amazing minister, Moses, passionate about the work he ought to have started 40 years prior. Now that he's starting the work, maybe Moses felt there was a need to catch up. I've wasted time. I need to catch up, match up, and do things I need to do. And Jethro observed him and said to him, if you continue like this, you will die. And Moses took the advice, and that's the reason we have the incredible stories that we have. You need a safe space. Step aside. Everything will still work just fine without you. And sometimes it is not a lesson you want to learn on the hospital bed, to find out that the people you think are not qualified are actually qualified, and you've been the one clogging the space. To find out that the people you think can't do it can. To observe the investment, your labor What it has done to them, the change it has brought to them, and the capacity they've built. You don't always have to be on ground. Sometimes the best leaders are not the ones who stay, but the ones who leave and watch people build their capacity without interruption. So, dear leader, rest. Find yourself again. Find your rhythm. Find your sweetness. Find wholeness. Love again. Be encouraged again. Lead again. And then inspire. But all that will happen when you step aside and find you. Don't burn out. We still need you. See you some other time.