A man recalls his father, a Lagos civil servant, as emotionally distant and authoritarian, instilling fear in the family. His siblings have blocked contact for a decade. The conversation explores how men's emotional distance damages their children and why forgiveness and therapy matter for healing.
Chapters
My father was a civil servant, did so well, rose to be director and minister of finance in Lagos. But you would not see it in my home. When you hear my father honking at the gate, 7 of us, you cannot be sleeping. You will file out from number 1. Daddy, come on. Daddy, come on. Daddy, come on. Daddy, come on. Daddy, come on. Daddy, come on. Daddy, come on. Daddy, come on. You hear the 7 of us. Daddy, welcome. Daddy, welcome. And I'm very serious. Whoever is missing, you hear, 'Lagbaja, ko!' 'Where is Lagbaja?' 'Don't fall.' 'What were you doing? Do you know I was coming?' Like, 'What? Yada?' 'Yes, it's your mother. How come you are not complete?' You know, that kind of, you know. So where he was, he wasn't a— I just told you my father was a civil servant. He had a double barrel and he had two kobokos. So that's why I said I think God loved me in the sense that when I was walking, got to a time, I used to say I never want to be like my father. It grew inside of me. I'd be walking on the road, on the street. I don't want to be like my father. I'll never be like my father. My father would tell me in the traffic to calm down. Ah, just a little scratch, or maybe calm down, calm down, beat the person, beat the driver, I'll beat the conductor, people will be clapping for me.
Now I've seen this pattern where men become so hard and so tough And in the last days, their children are emotionally disconnected from them. And this is a matter that we need to talk about. You know, there's this thing they say, um, women will say, don't worry, your daddy will deal with you. And the daddy too comes and is doing things that is separating the kids from him emotionally. And that's the reason why at certain age, many children don't want to have anything in many places, and I've seen therapy sessions and all that, don't want to have anything to do with their dad.
Yes, I know sisters of mine that have blocked my dad. Blocked till now. I said for 10 years, almost 10 years, I didn't see my father. That's one thing we should correct. That's what I'm saying. So let me tell you, forgive him. Yeah, and I'm saying the truth. Until I forgave him, until I let him— it was until then it was therapist.
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