Femi LazarusCEO at Femi Lazarus Consulting

This episode of Declassified is an honest and thought-provoking conversation you don’t want to miss.

19 Jun 2026 · 2 min

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In this excerpt from the Declassified Podcast, three speakers discuss the prevalence of regret in Christian marriages and argue that prayer alone is insufficient for a thriving relationship. They emphasize that prayer, wisdom, spiritual growth, and counsel must work together as partners rather than substitutes. The conversation highlights how marital problems often masquerade as other issues, masking core problems such as a lack of intentionality and vulnerability. The speakers share insights from their counseling experience, noting that without intentional effort and the willingness to be vulnerable, couples cannot fully support or understand each other, leading to ongoing dissatisfaction.

Chapters

Are you saying that there are people who are in marriages right now and they live every day through with regret?
Oh yes, definitely, a lot. Plenty. That most Christian brothers married because the lady's tongues is hard. Yes. And her sketch is very long. I like, this lady can pray well, let me marry her. But when you marry, eventually you will understand it is beyond prayer. Prayer is powerful, but to make marriage work, it is not just prayer.
Sir, this is what religion teaches, that prayer substitutes um, wisdom. The Bible we claim we are quoting, they are not substitutes, they are partners.
Yeah, yeah.
Wisdom and spiritual growth, prayer and counsel, they are together, they are partners. So we shouldn't take one and leave the other. No.
For those who are living everyday regrets, what should they do? One of the things we need to really emphasize, that the things that make marriage work are not the things people focus on mostly. Actually, we have found out in our—
things that makes marriages work. Yes, sir. And other things people focus on. No, sir.
In fact, there are specific things that people ignore, that those are the core when it comes to marriage working. And you know, we've had conversations around this, myself and my wife, in our counseling rooms. We've seen people who— because most times you think is the problem, it's not always what the problem is.
Yes, sir.
So marital problem masquerades as something else. So until you open the veil, you now find what the real problem is. Issue is, for example, something as simple as intentionality. Yeah, I mean, this is what we have—
you're not attracted to her because you don't like the way she looks, dresses, you know, she talks.
Why can't you just tell her?
Vulnerability. People don't want to be vulnerable. If you can't be vulnerable in marriage, you cannot get the best out of your spouse.
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