TRAUMA AND MARRIAGE

Welcome to an Encounter with the Spirit word and prayer through the prolific apostolic and teaching ministry of Apostle Femi Lazarus, Lead Pastor, Sphere of Light Church Global. It is his vision to raise God's end-time armies.

God has not called you to prove you are the best. He has not. As a leader, you are a broker of gift and talent.

So brace up for an experience.

Amen. Today we have an interesting subject in front of us. I'm going to be very brief because I want us to pray. Um, I know how this service is starting, but I can't tell how it will end because we're going to spend time in what? In prayers. Amen. So when we get to that point that the Holy Spirit will have us, We will, okay? We will. So I hope to be able to tie up this subject on Tuesday, then we move to another subject, Egypt. We'll focus on it. Who is excited? Then from there, if we are not interrupted, we move to Isaac and Ishmael. These are conversations we need to have to prepare us strategically. If you missed my YouTube live session, Seeing Beyond the Smokescreen, go and watch it. I said many things proverbially, and I want us to pay attention to them. Amen. All right, Genesis chapter number 2 from verse 18 to 25. Genesis chapter number 2 from verse 18 2:25. So I'm going to read from here. Genesis 2:18. If you're there, say amen.

All right.

And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him an help meet for him. Verse 19: And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all the cattle and to all the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field. But for Adam, there was not found an help meet for him. Don't marry who you should name. There are people that will come to your life, they should only be named Bestie. That's the name. Hm, what's the name? Bestie. Um, there are other names, but anyways, the Bible said God brought different creatures Marry a person, not a creature. Sometimes when we are so much in a hurry, you will not see the identity of the person you want to do life with, and you just move ahead. And these are the things that causes lots of dysfunctionalities. So Let's read verse 20 again. And Adam gave names to all the cattle and to the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept, and he took of his ribs and closed the flesh instead. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now the bone of my bones, and the flesh of my flesh: and she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man. And therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Verse 25, which is the part men of our ideologies fight: And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Naked means complete, complete vulnerability, complete openness. And the Bible said they were not what? Ashamed. So there are many codes that we, we may possibly miss when we read Genesis 2. The first thing there was that God said it is not good, not for man to be alone. It is not good for the man to be alone. So whatever it was that was God's idea of not being alone It was about a specific man. There are people that should still be alone until they become the man. So that definite article there shows that God was particular about a quality of man. And to understand that We need to know where God was speaking from. So look at it, let's go upward. Genesis chapter number 2, same scripture. Now let's go to verse 7. And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living soul. So this man, one quality we are seeing is that is the man God formed. Number 2 is the man God released his own breath into his nostrils. Verse 8: And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and he put the man whom he had formed. And out of the ground made the Lord to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food, the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. And a river went out of Eden and watered the garden, and from then it was parted and became four heads. All right, and we look at the first Pison and the second, um, Gihon. All right, the third Hiddekel. All right, um, yeah. Verse 15 now, the Bible says, and the Lord took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. So God put the man in the Garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. The word Eden means the presence. And the Lord commanded the man, saying, of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat, But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, for in the day that thou eatest thereof, thou shalt surely die. Now verse 18: And the Lord said, it is not good that the man— this man dwelling in my presence, carrying my breath, that has my assignment— this kind of man should not be alone. If any of this component is missing, the fellow should find it first. The idea of getting a life partner is to get a helpmate, not somebody who helps you find purpose. So I tell people, until you know your purpose, you are not eligible to propose. You can't know who should help you until you know the task. One of the cause of pain in many homes is that people are getting married and the wife is trying to help the person she should help fulfill— she's trying to help him find the purpose, which is contrary to design. When something is contrary to the design, it is a dysfunction. It won't function well. Are you with me? Okay, let's talk. 2 things I want to talk about. Number 1, and I say this from loads of research, if you are seeing a man seated beside you in church today, it is a clear sign that God is winning. Let's celebrate the males. I know some of you are saying, bring it on, bring it on, we know you are coming. Hold on. But I have observed that when you call for meetings, at least 65 to 70% are women. It doesn't matter what your intention is as touching building if the man that should be the foundation is compromised. You can't build well. You can't build well. Thank God for the men we have seated, but most men don't read books on relationship and marriage. Most men don't attend those seminars. An average man feels, why should a man like myself talk to me about my home? Say, a pastor would like to see you, a man like me. So the ego that we have that should be used for the purpose of protecting our territories is now deflecting knowledge. Okay, and apologies, we, we, we, we see we are having issues. First, go and check global statistics, at least 3 to 4 out of every 5 children they give birth to in the hospital are females. I'm telling you the fact. Go and Google it and make sure your source is correct. The remaining 25% to 30%, we are now having microscopic few among those ones who are really availing themselves to the demand I feel the male gender is under attack, and it is time to strengthen that code and have the original design of God from the beginning. From the beginning. It's not a crime. It doesn't make you less of a man that you are. When you need help as a man, it doesn't make you less of a man. It doesn't make you less of a man when you are led to have leadership. It doesn't make you less of a man. It doesn't make you less of the man that you are when you are being prayed for. Doesn't make you less. It just shows that you are a man under authority, and that's the person qualified to wield it.

It doesn't make you less.

Jesus had 12 guys following him. Didn't make them any less. Sometimes maybe it's your wife that said, can we attend our church? There's this church I want to attend. It doesn't make you less of a man. To say, let's get— let's go, let's check it out. We must go back to the original template. We must go back. If we can get, all right, the both sides right, we'll get families right, okay? And we are having many ministries, um, to the female gender to the girl child, to this. We are leaving the boys behind, and it won't work. If we continue with this template, we're going to have many girls who are advanced, intelligent, smart, spiritual, but there's no man. Not because there are no males, but the man is not available. Many girls are single, can tell you there are males around, but you look at them and name them, you call them what they are. You are not the man. Amen. So we have to understand this and understand that when we avail ourselves to the process of preparation for aspect of our lives, to sit with your wife and read books on parenting and study together, it doesn't make you less of the the man that you are. It rather shows your quality of humility. It shows how, how much you are willing to go for the sake of your home. It shows your children that their father is not the Most High. When you learn to say I'm sorry, even to your children, I'm sorry. But our ego won't let us. Even me, one time I rebuke somebody, I type, I'm so sorry, I didn't know this. As I type it, my ego said, no, you can't do that. So I know, I cancel that thing. I just sent a message, how you doing? I'm reporting myself.

Amen.

We're going somewhere. Actually, the marriage of Adam and Eve, you know, there was no wedding. Oh, you've forgotten? Adam and Eve, there was no wedding. No, the parental concept they got was God. When they said yes I do, yes I do, we don't know.

Adam—

their marriage is not the ideal marriage. Adam didn't have ex. Eve too didn't have ex. Nobody has tried to rape her before, not the gorillas and the baboons. So they were both pure breed. Plain template coming together. So what I'm not saying, they are not the ideal template. I say, I'm trying to say that they do not mirror our current-day reality. They do not. Okay, maybe somebody is seated here and all the people that have come to your life from day one, wrong, caused many pain, and your parents seem to like one of them. But now this is somebody they don't know him, and they are saying no, maybe because of his state of origin. And you are here saying, we'll fight it till the end, I will stand my ground. When you are convinced that this is the will of God for you and you have prayed, please stand your ground and keep praying together and explaining the case. Don't stop praying because those who are trying to force you into their own mold, they will not be the one in that marriage with you. I'm saying this because there's actually somebody here like that, so take notes. Let me tell you a story. Two stories, big lessons from either of them. A woman was going to get married, and finally her mother, who happened to be a prophetess, said, you know what, let's just get all the names of the people. And she went, she took those names to her fellow prophet, prophetess, and they prayed. And eventually they said, this person that you like is not your husband, this one is your husband from heaven. And they said, and then since the man was hanging around, she gave the man a yes and left the guy that they both have correct synergy, okay? Because there's a religious way we have painted this thing, like marriage is God trying to take away your joy. If it's too good, it can't be God. Says who? And they went on. The moment the man got— the woman got pregnant, the man disappeared from the house. Never returned till when she gave birth. He would call her on phone, rain insult on her, abuse her, cut her to sizes. When she gave birth, he went there with his fellow drunkards, and right there she was still in the ward when he began to fight with her, and she carried her child. Are you saying you beat me with this child? Say I will beat you with the child. And as he tried to slap her and hit the baby, And the child went into coma. That was the man they said God in heaven said she should marry. God is not wicked. It is people who misunderstand him and misrepresent him. Okay, you two pray so prophet will not be the one selecting your husbands for you. Pray. It takes false Christians to raise false prophets because of spiritual laziness. That's the idea. The second one, when my friend told me this story, his father— the father is the prophet. So whenever I want to tell this story, he will say that my father destroyed the life of this man. I say, ah, it's that serious?

Yes. The woman—

the man was going to get married, went to the prophet as usual, and So the prophet looked at all the names and said, this is your wife. You know that kind of audacity? Byenoluwa, this is your wife, thus says the Lord. And he went there and he was never attracted to the woman. In fact, they could not consummate the marriage because he was not attracted to her. How can that be God? Tell your neighbor, pray to God. Let God lead you. As pastors, we counsel. We don't choose spouse for people. We what? Counsel. Have you prayed? What's God saying? When we tell you to go and pray again, it means we are seeing something. If you are open, we'll tell you. Even God that brought Eve to Adam— Adam said, the woman you gave me Even God chop, blaming. Who am I? God in heaven must say, eh, no, no, no. Say, did I ask for the woman? The woman you gave me gave me the thing to eat. The woman said that the serpent gave me to eat. Blaming each other. Once you're a pastor, you start selecting wife for people, you will not have rest till you die. Every problem they have, the woman you gave me, the wife you recommended, and so on and so forth. Okay, so I'm getting somewhere. From Genesis chapter number 2, we see that marriage is actually the oldest institution on earth. It is. Marriage is older than sin. Yes, because sin had not yet entered the world when God instituted marriage. Marriage is even older than the church because the church had not yet been born, unless from the foundations of the world, of course, and that's in the spirit. So the quality of a marriage is determined by the quality of the individuals coming into it. Just like an omelette, um, you cannot separate the health of the omelette from the health of the eggs. It is the quality of the people coming in that determines the quality of the marriage. No miracle takes place on your wedding day. It doesn't matter, let the Pope of the world come to bless you, what you are marrying is what you get. And you build your own from there. So the beautiful thing is that there's no perfect person anywhere. Perfection looks true to the degree that you are far from a person. Proximity reveals what? Flaws. So when you are married, the fact that you are seeing your spouse will make you see things that those outside were not seeing. If you get those things wrong and hate your spouse and start liking somebody else, it is because you are not pro— you are not close to the person. That's why it looks like the moment you start a relationship with a person, okay, you start discovering that there are things you didn't see. Probably if you had known them, you would not have started the thing, okay? And it's not greener on the other side, it's the same everywhere. One of the things marriage does is that it teaches us commitment. That I'm not looking for what is perfect. I'm ready to build with someone, okay? But there's a level of what can be built. There are things you can't build. Let's put the balance. Do you understand what I'm saying? You can build a house when the ground— you can't build in the canal. Sometimes it will take your lifetime to first repair. So know what you have strength for. Know the kind of headache you are ready to have. Before you say I do.

Our story in the city of Abuja is similar to the story of Jacob, who said, by my rod I have passed through Jordan, but now the Lord has made me two bands. You remember how that recently God sent us to Abuja in what I will call the most humble movement. We came practically trusting God for what to do next and how he's going to help us with the words of prophecies he has given to us about the city and the armies arising. And guess what? God is doing just that. Recently we have been seeing the move of God in the most unbelievable way possible, with his word reaching the unreached, converting sinners to saints, bringing people who have lost hope in church. And now this has necessitated the need for expansion so that we do not fall out of what God is doing. Where we are currently is stringent for us, with rules that will limit what God is doing amongst us. The gospel is free, but the propagation requires a lot of funding. We want our friends, partners, and everyone connected to our ministry to join us as we undertake this project together. We have the urgent need to expand, and we believe that this is the kairos moment for us to do that. We are importing our own tent all the way from China and getting everything needed to fill that space. And have a conducive place where we can have our apostolic work beyond what we are having now at the moment. The structure you are seeing on your screen is exactly what we are working at, at the moment. Believe you me when we say that people who are blessed can be blessed much more when we have our own place. We want you to join us as we undertake this project. We need your support. We're counting on you and your generosity. We are working towards a project of ₦180 million in this season. You have the account details on the screen. Use the account details as God has laid in your heart. God bless you so much. We love you from all of us at Sphere of Light Church. Thank you for always—

Time Army. And this is the mandate that He has given to us. Truly, the harvest is plenteous, but we need you on board as a laborer. This is a call to partner with what God is doing in this great house. To become a monthly partner with us at Sphere of Light Church and Femi Lazarus Apostolic Ministries Ecumenical, kindly reach us via the number +234 903 095 9735. To give an offering or to sow a seed, kindly make use of these account details being displayed. The gospel of Jesus is spreading. Thank you for being a part of it.

So it is the quality of the people coming into the marriage that determines the quality of the marriage, and the quality of the people is determined by their preparation. How prepared are they? Some like the idea of marriage but hate the reality of it. The idea of marriage is the pictures, the, oh, on Snapchat. Look at us now, chilling with my babe. That's the idea. The matching outfit, fantastic idea. Driving together, going to the beach and taking pictures, selfies, videos, uploading, peppering those online. That's the idea. The colorful wedding, it's an idea, but the reality is commitment. Okay, and this is my advice: the moment you are married, never conclude that you didn't marry well. Just accept what you have. Are there deal breakers? Well, some other time we talk about that. Are you with me now? So the person you are marrying— let me talk to the singles— what is the person's perspective about marriage? Because you have to talk, and one way not to talk is to start touching. Once you start touching, you won't talk. And you are going to marry a total stranger. So you want to have intelligent conversation. See, these emotions, emotions, let's put it aside first. I want to know you. Don't come close, you just want to hug every time. Let them calm down. What are you bringing to the table? Who are you? How are you thinking? Get into conversation and observe. Observe the person's thought process. When you sit down to see a movie together, look at his reactions, her reaction. Ask yourself, is this person taking reference for life from movies or from scriptures? Is this person aligning with God? Does this fellow fear God? It's dangerous to marry somebody who doesn't fear God, who doesn't listen to anybody. When there is an issue, there's nobody on earth you can call. And you know he will listen. You know, if God has given you a spouse that you can be sat down and talk to, he has blessed you.

He has.

All this idea of let me date you privately, don't tell your pastor, don't tell your pastor. You know, I don't do all this pastor, pastor thing. I don't do all this church, church thing. Say it's true, it's true, let's just keep it.

Wow.

Amazing.

Is it not amazing? It's amazing. It's amazing. It always end in tears. Always. I said before you start a journey, check those who have gone ahead with the same method. If they are smiling, then continue. Unfortunately, people suffer. They suffer and smile. There must be someone on earth that when the person calls, I need to talk to the both of you, you know you have the ears of the family. That's the idea of leadership. And it's not— it doesn't make you less to have somebody you listen to. It doesn't. It doesn't make you less. It shows that you honor God's institution called the church. I understand people have many reasons why just want to come to church, just disappear, don't talk to pastors. It's okay, but we want to talk to you. We want to know you. We want to have interactions with you. Some people meet me and they're surprised that you still know me. Yes, I do. That's why I like to come down. I like to connect. We have structures. Allow yourself to be loved, to be known, to be taught, to be better educated. And that's what the church is for. So when you are getting involved with a person, you need to investigate What is this person's idea of marriage? What's this person's idea of the subject of honor? What's this person's idea when it comes to domestic activities? Okay, some women, their love language is quality time. Some women, the one that is very scary, what's this love language that when they are doing something, act of service, if she's washing plates, he likes when you wash it. When you wash along, she likes you. Anyways, it exists. So I had to ask my wife, what's your own love language? Because I can cook. I cook well, and those who ate the food don't complain. Even when sometimes I myself can't eat what I've cooked, they say, 'Apostle is so nice.' So I've been hoping that— I hope they are not scamming me, but so far my wife said it's good, and I'll take that report. But you know, I've shared the story when we got married. My wife used to do some strange things. First few weeks of wed marriage used to confuse me. I will look for my wife everywhere in the house, I won't see her. Open the door, check the toilet, check the room, check the kitchen. Where is my wife? Then you either see her in the space between the bed and the wall. What are you doing? Or sometimes almost under a table, just having a peaceful moment. So one time I was looking for her, so I've learned whenever I'm looking for my wife, I check under the curtain, check under the table, check everywhere. So And she enjoys it, just hearing me say, where's my wife? She just likes the sound. So one day I met my wife in the store of the kitchen. I saw her turn her face against the wall. I said, babe, how are you doing? Then when she turned New wife, new wife. I have started making you cry now. Now, now, do you know where that came from? From thought that maybe I can't make a woman happy. That was where that statement came from. So I've started making you cry now. Cook, you will eat. She said, I bought all these things that I will experiment for my husband, different kind of food, but you, you won't eat. Ah, I say, okay, calm down, calm down. So these tears is because I didn't eat. Nobody has ever cried like this in my life. The boys that were staying with me, if I didn't finish my food, they're excited. Oh, Apostle, you can't finish this?

Oh, thank you.

I said, this one is— I'm new to this. Somebody can cry because I did. Wow. I say, first and foremost, thank you. So I said, God has blessed you. Very economical husband. I said, if you put rice, spaghetti, salad, plantain, meat, fish, everything on the table, I'll be confused. Rice, stew, meat, and good Say, I said yes, okay. And everything worked. First culture shock was on a Sunday. Culture shock, you know, the way they do in different houses. My own culture, maybe I should not say it. If I don't finish a food tonight It was not designed in my destiny to finish it. It's gone. My wife, where she came from, nothing must be wasted. So when you come from that kind of background, they can recycle anything. They should make them Minister of Renewable Energy. They can recycle. They will recycle. I'm telling you, they will convert egg to egg stew. And is it that— is it that we are broke? Throw it away, let's buy new one. Say, ah, no, it must not be. So I was eating rice, enjoying, we're watching Netflix, The New Couple. Then I ate something. Ah, I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. My wife said, what happened, what happened? I say, yeah, yeah, yeah. Say, please, hope all is well, hope you are fine. Should I get you water? I say Ah, ah, tell me this is not what I'm thinking. He said, what's that? I said, I just ate something. We ate yam and egg yesterday. And I said, yes. Ah, I said, I ate something. I hope, you know, I didn't finish my egg yesterday. He said, yes. Hope you did not import it. My wife said, well, you know, I just put it in the freezer, and so I just felt, well, we could have a blend. A blend of what? A blend of what? I said, I put it inside. I say, ah, okay. Where I was reacting from was not from the place of what she had done, was because I grew up in a dysfunctional place. Where I was made to eat many things I didn't like. So it was like I made a decision: when I get married, I will eat what I want to eat. So sometimes there's a reaction from a spouse not because of you, because of the experience in the past. We must check where it's coming from. Are you following what I'm saying here? All right, so some— there are some perspectives that the two can deal, but there are some that are deal breakers. I think I told you about the story of a man who cannot have sex with the wife until he will beat her till she has no strength. I like him like that. I like them wild. Yeah, a Jesus boy with a touch of Jahru. Let's rule your world. Some girls say, I can't marry boys who does not have a touch of bad boy. You mean so you never collect touch of bad boy? I like the bad boy vibes. And all the good boys around you, you are not marrying. You are looking for the one that is ready, put his hands in his teeth. So you go teach. I like that. I'm not saying anything about— I'm saying that at the end of the day, any decision you have made, you have made it. We'll follow you up with bandage, paracetamol, because headache will be plenty. Okay, but listen, don't rush. Check. Who is this person? How does this person process life? How does this fellow see women? Or how does she see men? There's likelihood that a man who did not grow up around his mother, the affectionate part of him is not developed. So he's not sensitive to women and the way they think. I know women say, you are not sensitive. So for a man, it is what you say he knows. The woman too say, what's wrong with you? Say, even me I don't know. Ah, interesting. You expect me to know what you don't know? Oh wow. But that's women for you. And the chances are very high that a woman that grew under an abusive father will repel authority, cuz every time you speak, she sees the man. Okay, so sometimes I'm not saying when you hear people's story you now throw them away and say no, no. Sometimes you must understand God is bringing the both of you together to work together. You are going to grow together, but there are conversations you should have. So for instance, if I talk like this, I'm not your dad, okay? I'm a different person and I love you genuinely, but this is this, that, and then she too says this, and then both of you come to a place of understanding. Whatever the case is, build friendship. Build friendship. Build friendship. In marriage, it's not every day sex, sex. Build friendship. Somebody who will understand when the times are changing. Somebody who understand your words, the nonverbal communication. Somewhere that both of you function as one. When there's a need to adjust, you understand, you understand. Build friendship. And if God has blessed you with someone that both of you are good friends before you marry, marry your friend, okay? And maybe you are just meeting, and then become the person's friend. Open up. And then don't lock people in friend zone for life, because friend zone is scary. The reason why it's scary is because it's a legion empire. We are many. So sometimes, not like some guys can't wait, but they know this friend zone, particularly if from friend zone they now add brother to your name. Bro Timothy, the chances are getting slimmer. What are you— what's going on? Things are changing from bro. Now save your number with what names? There are names that shows that your journey is long, like my G. Look at you, think I don't know what's going on. My G, you are not likely going to come out. Let me tell you, that guy that the girl is shaking and they are holding each other, that is making you feel jealous, she doesn't like him. The one she likes, she will avoid him. Once you enter my G-zone, you start praying. Okay, but it's not the same everywhere anyways. So check the perspective of the person. What has this fellow been exposed to? And sometimes the source of dysfunction is not even experience, it is other people's experience. Okay, because the first school of marriage you attended was your parents' marriage, whether existent or non-existent. That's the first school, that's the first idea of what marriage looks like. So we must get it right. And sometimes we must understand that the way the devil will fight the children, all right, will be determined by what he has done to the parent. There are people today that if they like you and you mention that there is a slight chance that God will call me into the ministry, they have— they will leave, they will run. Me what? Ministry? They disappear. Okay, why? In fact, most of the people that do like this are pastors' children. They have seen two things: the way a man can say something different on the altar and is something else behind the scene. Number two, they have seen the level of disappointment and depravity that can be in ministry. And that's why I advise pastors, please get finance right. You can carry a cross Christ is not giving you. Ah, you know, there's a way you can just believe that it was God's ordination for you to suffer. Once you believe that, the devil say, fantastic, let's bring yokes. And then as long as the yokes are coming, you'll be saying, thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus, I suffer for you. And Jesus is saying, you are not taking all that I have for you, you are concluding wrongly. Okay, sometimes some people have said, we can't marry from this state, can't marry from so and so and so, I people say can't marry Jebu. Say why? Because they are stingy. That's the only tribe that made it to the Bible, the Jebu side. Somebody say Anambra is not there, it's not there. Amen. And sometimes people pass their own fears to their own children. When a man start thinking like this, you better make sure like this, make sure a man should not know the money you have, your husband should not know this, and we pass fear, and fear creates what you fear. Fear is creative. If what you are afraid of does not exist, fear will bring it. Because in your fear, you are reacting in a way that will bring that thing out of the person. When the person talks like this, you say, look at him, I'm seeing that beast in you, and you are calling out the beast. Have you forgotten you are a prophet, that you can call the things that be not as though they were? What did God do to change the life of Abraham? Abraham and Sarah, change of names. Start calling her Princess, and you too start calling him Abraham. Maybe if you start using sweet names for your wife, things will change. Not Mommy Johnson, Baba Ima. You are both in your 30s. Have you not observed that the more you call her Mama Johnson, she can't stop tying wrapper everywhere because you are not calling the princess in her. If you see a woman wear something outside that looks fine, make it for your wife. Build your own empire, okay? It is green there because somebody is watering the ground. There is no woman that is not beautiful. If she's around a man who is a cultivator. But if it's around an hunter, anything an hunter catches, the best beauty it can have is the day the hunter catch. From that moment, it will start going down, start going down. Even the hips is now shrinking because he keeps talking her down. Look at you, look at your life, see. And as much as you are saying it, she keeps becoming You are stubborn. You are stubborn. She keeps becoming stubborn because you are calling for the things that be not as though they were. You are a priest. Your words are not empty. You're a priest. Use those words well. Use them rightly. Amen. I have to run now. So I said, sometimes trauma is not from what people have experienced personally. It is from what they have seen others experience. But they have seen a movie and the movie communicated. Don't be patient with any man. Say, I have learned my lessons. You didn't learn any lesson, you only saw a movie. That's not how to learn lessons, huh? Somebody scripted that thing to do something to your emotions. Don't take it for that. Is that okay now? Uh-huh. Some people will watch films, so the girl will say, I cannot marry a man who is not an Indian. One time a girl said, you come, you get married, you marry an Indian man. And she was getting married, I sent her a message. I've seen the India. The man is from Fiditi, you know, yo, that's where he came from. I'm not saying that place is bad, but I'm just saying sometimes this is our childhood dreams. 6 feet 5 inches. So you can be climbing ladder. Be careful of importing other people's pain into your own life. Leave them with their experience. Let them learn their lessons. You follow God, okay? Your mom's pain is unique to her marriage. Leave it there. The counsel that comes from that pain will create your own. It is not a way to be vigilant. Let me, let me say this to you, and I'm going to say it emphatically. It matters who is counseling you. If the person is bleeding, you bleed. Nobody is qualified to counsel until they are healed. Sometimes some homes were going well until the parent came in. It was the mom that called the guy. So you are cooking, this woman have used your head to wash plates, look at your life. And the man is just being— if he eat, he should cook once in a while and make the wife happy. He doesn't have issue with it. The wife does not, but the mom does. Meanwhile, she would have wished her own husband was doing the same, but he did not. And this home will now be destroyed. Who are you taking counsels from about your wife? About your husband. People are shielding their own, you keep exposing yours. Don't mind him, it's a useless man, the useless man. The other time, are you following what I'm saying here? Or don't mind her, Femi Lazarus. No, shield your home unless you are in the place of those that are counseling you for the purpose of healing, not around friends. I have one major place I cannot step in my life Do you know the place? Hairdressing salon. My wife said, I want to make my hair. God go with you. One time I went there, the women were describing how their husbands were sleeping with them to people who like the husband. Later they will wonder why their home is breaking. Somebody's friend is counseling the person against the husband, then go and marry the husband when the person leaves the husband. Protect your home. Be careful. It matters who is counseling you. Don't let those that have broken theirs break yours. We have to call these things the way they are. Are you still here? You, you are not talking. Are you still here? Is it getting too hot? I can slow down a bit and then Thank you. Let's fire down. I wrote certain things here that an average 21st century individual is wounded already to a certain extent because there are so many bad news, enough to go around. Oh, this person, their marriage has failed. Oh, that person— and people become scared. That couple you see together online and you are using as the model of ideal marriage, now they have separated. It matters where you are picking your own, um, your inference from. Thank God for the marriages and how beautiful it is, but we look unto Jesus, the author and the finisher of our faith. Don't build your home on other people's marriage, build it on the word. Build it on the word. Let me say this to you, there are parents-in-laws that the children should agree when they come. Maybe once in a year. I'm telling you, because each time they come, the marriage goes 10 years backward. Protect your domain. Nobody will take responsibility on your behalf. Protect your domain. I've seen places where the mother-in-law went to greet the child for giving birth and she talked down on the husband. The home broke. They never came back together. When you know you are from such a place, in certain areas conclude that you don't have anybody and outsource. It's not a crime. You know, we are not used to this because of our conventional tradition, and that has put many homes in trouble.

Outsource.

Serious matter, it's a serious matter. I can't even tell you many things people are experiencing. I've seen cases of mother-in-law that went to do amugo. You know what that means?

Uh-huh.

Anybody watching home video will know amugo. And the mother-in-law began to seduce the son-in-law. Fact. Ah, protect your home. Sometimes those to protect your home from are your members of your family. Is that clear? Look at us. It is not every guest that can have access to your kitchen. Is that serious? This is a wicked world. A couple went separate ways years back, and I was talking with the woman what happened. She said, all I can remember was that the grandma gave them rice for Christmas in the days of what is called Uncle Ben's rice. And when she gave them rice for Christmas, said she just noticed when she was washing the rice, there was oil. Just say okay. That rice was the last supper they had together as a family. In the course of eating it, the man brought out cutlass and said, I will cut your head. The dark place of this world is full of wickedness. Pray, oh! This family we are building that there's no altar of prayer, pray, oh! The kind of children we will raise from there, the attack they are exposed to. No covering. Even in school, they are meeting different kind of children from different homes, different backgrounds.

Pray!

We must retrace the place of family altars. There would have been no problem if you were praying, and you have left your altar to fight yourselves and not the enemy you should fight. You are now fighting yourself. Nobody's wife is the problem, or husband is. If both of you will come together Under the umbrella of Christ, you face the enemy and put him to flight. Amen. Please pray. Pray. The devil is going to function through people to cause you pain. He's going to try to cause you trauma, traumatizing experiences. Some people will say certain things in passing, and you must know that it's not them, it's the devil speaking through them. Jesus knew when to tell Peter, get behind me, Satan. There are people who spoke, they can be holding microphone in church, and yet the devil has spoken through them. Somebody can ask you in passing, do you think you can ever keep a home? That's not him, that's the devil. He's trying to sow a seed into your future. Don't reject that statement with thought. Reject it with words. I can and I will through Christ that strengthens me. And listen, when thought goes for long, you not even know yourself anymore. You start asking, maybe I'm a bad person, maybe I can't really keep a home, maybe I can't keep a woman, maybe I cannot help it but be promiscuous, maybe this, this, this. Don't listen to anything. Must stand up and stand your ground. Already you are contemplating, am I sure I'm going to be able to keep marriage for long? Stand up. That's not your thought. Bring that thought under captivity. Bring it to obedience of Christ. Anybody who live a victorious life must learn to talk several times over, walking around, and say it: The life of Christ is at work in me. I'm a home builder. I'm a priest. I'm a father. I'm a loving husband. You will notice that many things are just clouds. When you speak, they disappear. They roll out like mats. Amen. You look at your wife every day and stretch your hands and decree blessings, decree words. It doesn't matter if she's still misbehaving. Speak as a priest. Speak as a priest. Speak as a— many men are complaining, the woman doesn't honor me. A woman honors you when she sees that she can look up to you. You want to pray for 1 hour, the man is the first to snore. She knows I'm not covered. You want to study the Bible, he's the one she was always begging, eh dear, we have not studied today. She knows. We must go back and mend the broken walls. Is that okay now? Let's use this fasting and prayer season to address the root. You are in a relationship, start praying together. Start praying together. My daughter's headmistress was saying that whenever the child of a pastor is brought to the school, they always know. I said, how? Said, because there's an aura around them. That's the investment of prayer. Amen. Say it again, I will pray. I look at the way you are saying it.

Hey.

Say it again. I will pray. I will pray. I will be a praying wife. I will be a praying husband. I will be a praying father. I will pray.

Pray.

Doesn't matter how much people think they love themselves. If they are not praying, that love will breed pain. It's just a matter of when. I can't rush through this because by Um, Tuesday I'm going to be showing you the possible causes or sources of trauma in marriages, and then how the traumas affect your home. Identify them in the most practical ways so you can see that, okay, this is not really an issue. Now this is what is happening, and we can put the devil to a flight. These teachings are deliverance. The fact that we are not saying go Doesn't mean deliverance is not happening. As light enters, darkness is disappearing. Amen. Darkness is leaving. God is raising an army for himself. Listen to what I'm saying. It doesn't matter what the mistakes have been, how bad the home has been. You can build again. You can start again. Start loving each other, speaking words of affirmation, words of strength, words of hope. You can start again. Start by taking each other out, join hands together in the place of prayer. You can't pray for a person or pray with a person and not love the person. That's why the devil will do everything to fight family altars. That the both of you can kneel down and join hands. It's your wife. Even og ma shata baka la de yende kebo nai. And value meetings that bring spouses together. We have no idea of how therapeutic they are. Value meetings. When was the last time you kissed your wife?

It's always 0 to 100.

When was the last time you hugged your wife and just released words in the morning? Please permit me to ask, are there people here that are married? Please be upstanding for a minute, please.

Thank you.

Be upstanding if you are married. You are sitting beside your wife, please stand up. Join hands together. Oh, if your wife is not here, please be seated so we don't make you feel lonely. At this point, but if your wife is there, join hands with your wife. Now face each other. Singles, we are praying for you. Now embrace your wife and release words. Bless each other. Come on, go ahead, release words, release words. You are blessed. I bless you as a priest. Women, bless your as your spouse. I bless you as your wife. I pray for you. What you do will prosper. You advance on all sides. You will not die. We will live long for each other. Release the blessings! Release the blessings! Put the enemy on the flight! Release the blessings! Oh, forever God will keep us for each other. We heal from every dysfunctionality. Will win at the end of the day, will not lag behind in the name of Jesus. Don't mind those saying, oh, just keep praying. Release those words, release it. Now look at your wife and say, I love you. You can see with the peck, just say, I love you. Oh yes, thank you.

Hallelujah!

Let's give Jesus a big hand. In our days, families will be healed again. Families will be healed. There will be wholeness. We will raise proper children, because the kind of children that will face the world we are in now, ah, we must raise them as weapons deployed. Are you following what I'm saying here? We must get it right. Let's be on our feet as we pray. Have you been blessed this morning? Oh, thank you, Father. Oh, shatakabanarakoshente. Can we pray in the Holy Ghost together and say, yes, we heal every trauma, every dysfunctionality, get it right in the name of Jesus. Oh yes, release words, release words. Release words, release words. Pray in the Holy Ghost. Build up yourselves on your most holy faith. Pray it in the Holy Ghost. Oh Jesus, if you are still single, decree and declare, my home will be heaven on earth. I will not be a painful spouse. No, I will not cause my spouse pain. We enjoy all that God has ordained for us to enjoy in marriage. I'm a fruitful vine planted by many waters in the name of Jesus. Thank you, Father. We bless your holy name. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Lord. Rastekranderoko shenteroko patai. Lende krende kopaya. Sande kredish. In Jesus' mighty name we are praying. Listen, if there's anybody here thinking that maybe I can't keep a home, yes, you can. You can. It is not through your strength. It is the Spirit of Christ that is at work in you. You can and you will. Listen, your home will not be painful and there will be no lack. I'm telling you, that scripture— hold the word and keep confessing. Don't drop it, don't drop it. Even when things look contrary, hold the word. This home is beautiful, it is sweet. Amen. I stretch my hands towards you and I decree and declare every source of pain, injuries, they are healed in the name of Jesus. Every source of pain that makes you doubt your essence and doubt what God is doing through your home, I decree and declare they are healed. Let fire return to your family altar. Let everything that stopped going well resume going well. All is well with you. All is well with this home. In the name of Jesus, you have all that pertains to life and godliness. There is no scarcity. God is opening doors of abundance for you, doors of provisions for you, doors of help for you. In the name of Jesus, you have more than enough. It is done in Jesus' mighty name. Amen. Let's give Jesus big, big clap. Amen.

Our story in the city of Abuja is similar to the story of Jacob who said, by my rod I have passed through Jordan, but now the Lord has made me two bands. You will remember how that recently God sent us to Abuja in what I will call the most humble movement. We came practically trusting God for what to do next and how he's going to help us with the words of prophecies he has given to us about the city and the armies arising. And guess what? God is doing just that. Recently we have been seeing the move of God in the most unbelievable way possible, with his word reaching the unreached, converting sinners to saints, bringing people who have lost hope in church, and now this has necessitated the need for expansion so that we do not fall out of what God is doing. Where we are currently is stringent for us, with rules that will limit what God is doing amongst us. The gospel is free, but the propagation requires a lot of funding. We want our friends, partners, and everyone connected to our ministry to join us as we undertake this project together. We have the urgent need to expand, and we believe that this is the kairos moment for us to do that. We are importing our own tent all the way from China and getting everything needed to fill that space and have a conducive place where we can have our apostolic work beyond what we are having now at the moment. The structure you are seeing on your screen is exactly what we are working at. At the moment. Believe you me when we say that people who are blessed can be blessed much more when we have our own place. We want you to join us as we undertake this project. We need your support. We're counting on you and your generosity. We are working towards a project of ₦180 million in this season. You have the account details on the screen. Use the account details, as God has laid in your heart. God bless you so much. We love you from all of us at Sphere of Light Church. Thank you for always—

time army, and this is the mandate that he has given to us. Truly, the harvest is plenteous, but we need you on board as a laborer. This is a call to partner with what God is doing in this great house. To become a monthly partner with us at Sphere of Light Church and Femi Lazarus Apostolic Ministries Ecumenical, kindly reach us via the number +234 903 095 9735. To give an offering or to sow a seed, kindly make use of these account details being displayed. The Gospel of Jesus is spreading. Thank you for being a part of it.