Honesty, Part I: Self-Deception + Dishonesty Within #honestymatters

When you set aside a regular time for self reflection, you can use that time to think about your goals, more importantly, maybe your values, and maybe even more importantly than that, the behaviors and find out, are your behaviors actually matching your values and your goals and where you're trying to get anyway as yourself? Kind of like ask questions like, what are my core values or. Or what do I want to achieve in the next year? Getting these focuses can kind of help you align your actions with your true self. I'm purposely pausing there because I feel like there are people out there who have the self that they show everybody and they have the self that is them. And too many times we've easily fallen into this lying to ourself or this self deception that you're showing up 80, 70, 95% of the time as the self you think they want instead of the self that you are.

Welcome back to beyond you'd defaults. I'm your host, Liz Morehead, and as always, I'm joined by George B. Thomas. George, how are you this morning?

I'm doing good. Liz, how are you doing?

I'm doing great. Let's go right into low lights and highlights from the weekend. Okay, I'm start. I'm going to start.

Liz is like, no BS today. We're just going to get right into it.

Well, I was about to sit here and start telling a story. I'm like, but wait, that's your highlight.

Yeah, you should probably just get into it.

We're just going to roll right into it. So my highlight from the weekend, George, I didn't have to see anybody this weekend. I had no plans.

No human interaction.

No. Well, I saw some humans, but there was no, like, Liz, you have to be here. Liz, you got to go do this thing. Because the weekend prior was really fun, but I had spent most of my time seeing other people getting other stuff done. And it was, it was good. But it was a travel weekend. And then this weekend was just quiet. Formula one was back. Got to watch that and made myself a little breakfast in bed salmon, a little mango.

It was just healthy too.

I know. I've been watching you with your new healthy recipes and I actually ended up taking a try at one of those, like, bean bowls.

Yeah.

So super good.

Yes.

But yeah, overall my highlight is just silence and chilling out.

It's a good highlight.

Low light. I twisted my ankle.

Oh, no.

I know. It's not too bad. It's not sprained or anything.

Right.

But I used to have a really good working out routine when I lived in Connecticut, because of the way my office was situated and also the fact that it was cooler weather. Now we are under a heat advisory at. I've been doing a lot of work stuff, and I was going to use this weekend to really kind of get back into my routines. So I go to the gym, and what do I do? The first thing on the track? Tweak my ankle. Okay. Do you ever have that, George, where you're feeling so pumped to get a new habit started or to restart a habit or something like that, and then right out of the gates, like, and you got to sit your butt down?

Yeah, that was me.

So I'm fine. I'm not injured. I didn't have to go anywhere. But it's just a little bit of, oh when I'm walking around this morning. So that's fine.

All right, I'll jump into mine. So a couple highlights, actually. So one, I have to mention that one of my nephews came into town, and so he was going to go to a concert, but he stayed at our house, went to the concert. And actually, he's still here, maybe sleeping, but getting to see him. And we took him, my girls, my wife, out to Mr. Tokios, which is an all you can eat sushi place, by the way. If you're a guy who's trying to eat healthy, a sushi place is a really great place to go. I had miso soup. I had crab salad. I had this avocado, like, crab sushi roll. I didn't eat the rice. I ate the insides of the thing. And then I had a veggie, only hibachi. Again, didn't eat the rice, but ate the veggies. And I just was like, oh, this is the most amazing place to go and actually be able to eat healthy. Even tried a little seaweed salad. Ooh, I'm not a big fan. I ate half of it, but I'm like, oh, maybe not. I'm kind of going nerdy with this healthy thing, but I don't know if I'm that level of nerdiness on this healthy thing. But who knows? We'll see. That's a highlight. But another highlight is. And by the way, this highlight is based off of a low light. I went to the store and I was picking up, like, normal stuff, you know, like shampoo, soap, deodorant, toothpaste, you know, hygiene stuff. And I stopped by this aisle that had these, like, cushion inserts for your shoes, which I've never really, like, bought extra cushion because I figured my shoes come with cushion. And why would I. But I was like, okay, I need to do something. So I'm going to buy this cushion thing that goes in my shoes. And immediately when I put them in my shoes, I was like, oh, my God, I'm walking on air. This is amazing. I will probably continue to buy these for the rest of my life and add these to my shoes, but this highlight is based off of a low light. Now, it's funny because, Liz, you and I both have alluded to my changing of eating and the fact that I went from, like, 311 down past 2 90s, and now I'm in the 2 80s over the last 30 days. And my body feels great, by the way. I don't feel any inflammation. My arthritis just doesn't seem to be acting up. But dang on it. I have this left heel that feels like somebody is, like, sticking a steak knife into my heel. And it'll come and go. It'll like, if I'm walking around or if, like, I take a, you know, hot shower or whatever, then it doesn't hurt. But, like, if I sit for a long period time or if I stand for, like, too long in one place, all of a sudden, that heel and.

I'm like, plantar fasciitis.

What? Did you just speak English? I don't even know what that is.

You may want to go get this checked out. But I had it. It's something called plantar fasciitis, which is. It sounds horrifying. It's not. It's just like, a weird thing in your foot where, like, I can't remember if it's like, a muscle knot or something like that, but it's like a big, painful shooting pain. And I have to be really careful if I've been sitting for too long or something like that.

Yeah, it's probably okay. So I need to go get this checked out. But walking on air and giving it extra cushion has been helping. But here's what's frustrating to me is dang on it. I'm again, kind of like, you're like, twisted ankle. I'm doing everything I can to not be in pain. The way that I'm eating, the way that I'm moving the way.

And so, of course.

Of course this. And I'm like, really? Can I just have a time where. Anyway, so that's the way.

What's a brother got to do to stay healthy, right? You're like, lord, I'm eating all the beans, man. What's going on? Can we work something out and what's.

Funny is I'm not doing this to lose the weight. I just happen to be losing the weight. My literal goal. And I've told people this, I'm just trying to live a life where I'm not in pain.

Oh. I immediately started losing weight the moment I stopped trying to lose weight. That's the whole thing. That's wild about it.

Yeah. And so it's like. It's almost like God is jokingly be like, oh, yeah, you can live without, like, 90% pain, but here you go. And I'm like, come on, I'm sending.

It to you now. Plantar fasciitis is the inflammation of a certain type of tissue in your foot. Well, that happens with overuse and some other things.

Look at you using the word that I absolutely have come to hate. Inflammation of tissue.

I know. I'm here to help.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

This week's topic. I am so excited. I know I say this about a lot of topics, but you could probably tell from my notes Liz has some feelings about this issue.

Well, what's funny is not only do you have feelings, but you're like, I think this should be two episodes before we even got here. And I was like, I'm down with that. And then when I started to do my research, I'm like, shoot. This episode could probably be two episodes, and the episode after this could probably be two episodes.

I think we're gonna have to have this conversation about each part twice. We're gonna see where this ends up.

Yeah.

Because this week, ladies and gentlemen, we are talking about honesty, specifically self deception and dishonesty that manifests from within. So when we lie to ourselves, when we are dishonest with ourselves. Because in our last episode, George, we went through the superhuman framework, which is something that enables us to all live a life beyond our default. Right. And for those who haven't listened to the episode yet, I strongly encourage you go back and listen to it. We talked about honesty as one of the core ten pillars of this superhuman framework. Now, what's interesting about this discussion is that you pointed to two types of honesty.

Yeah.

Because when you initially brought it up, of course, be honest. Don't let people have integrity.

You know, like, yeah, no does of it. Yeah.

So, yes, George. Wow.

Earth shattering. Mind breaking.

It's just like when I saw it on the list, it was like, of course it's there. But you went out of your way and you kind of did it in a very not sneaky way, but you just slid it in there.

Oh, yeah.

There's also the challenge of being honest with ourselves. You just kind of like a quick throwaway. Excuse me, sir, what was that? Drive by.

Yeah.

Sir, we need to come back shots and have a. I know. And you talked about how hard it can be to face one's own weaknesses, our own limitations, that you really need to push yourself to be self reflective. So with that in mind, we are kicking off the two part initial conversation about honesty, starting with our relationship that we have with ourselves about honesty and self deception. You excited?

I. Yes. This is. No, I am. I am excited. It's just my goal. By the way, in many things that I do outside of this professional growth podcast, I live by this philosophy of simplify the complex. This could quickly become a complex conversation. And I'm trying to go at this, especially this first episode, in a kind of simplified way, but a very, no pun intended, honest way. The reason I did that drive by, the reason I slid it in, is because I have historically caught myself doing this and. Well, anyway, we'll get into it.

We're going to get into it right now. In fact, I want to start by asking you, in what ways have you observed or experienced personally with yourself how self deception can manifest a rehab in our lives?

I'm going to get to your question in one second.

Of course.

Yeah.

You know what? On every podcast. George, you little rule breaker.

I know. Go ahead and we'll make sure we put this in the show notes. I've slacked, Liz, and I'm like, omg, mind blown. Like, on this piece of content. And so I want to start out with the Brothers Kiramazov by Fyodor Dotsy.

Fski Dostoevsky.

Yeah. Which by the way, is not the easiest of either of those names to say. But that's not the important part. Part. The important part is that you remember what was written. And that is, above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him or around him and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect, he ceases to love. Now, if you have to rewind that and listen to that again, I want you to just realize there's some real key concepts there. And especially when I think about my life and the life that I've lived and the stories that we've been telling on this podcast. And so when I heard the words truth within or around, I was like, ooh. Like, that's really powerful because we should be focused on the reality in which we're living. But understand that our reality is always changing. Minute by minute, second by second, day by day. We have this thing that we lean into where knowledge is truth, but knowledge is not truth. Knowledge can be true, but it's not truth because everything's always changing. It was true once, but it doesn't mean it's true now. And we're just not historically good at, like, drawing a line between those two. The other one where it says in there, respect oneself. I can imagine living a life where you don't respect yourself, because the younger George, I lived a life where I didn't respect who I was, how I was showing up. So I understand that. And I'm like, oh, my God, that's the dark side. Like, that's. Respecting myself is one of the things that I've been running towards. And this lack of respect for who I am and what I'm doing and how I'm showing is what I've been running away from. But, Liz, if. And I've said this several times in the podcast, like, and outside of this podcast, by the way, why do you do what you do? Why do you show up the way you show up? What is your, like, underlying main core concept? And that is love. Love yourself, love others. And so the fact that this ended with you lose, you cease to love. I'm like that, like a shocking punch in the face to me of like, oh, my God. And. And the reason I think it's this shocking, like, punch in the face is because I realize how easy it is to lie to yourself. And once you start that pattern, how easy that can become you because you're practicing that pattern.

You know what's interesting? He also has another quote. Dostoevsky. Those Russians, man, barrel a left. I'm telling you, big rays of sunshine just walking around. Particularly those Russian authors. Yeah, but Dostoevsky also said lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others. So the idea of self deception and self dishonesty is not only terrifying in terms of its consequences, we're almost programmed that way, at least according to Mr. Sunshine.

Right? Well, I. And I don't disagree with what you're saying. And so here's the thing again. If we start to put the pieces of the puzzle together of this podcast and of my life and of things that I talk about, I talk about a great master is always the best student. And what's funny is when I heard this, I went to, oh, my gosh, this is actually how, for Me, I've tried to divine the line between truth and true and versus knowledge being truth. But knowledge or truth being true at some point is that the master is always learning because they're being the student in life. This was like part of the I want to research this, I want to dig in more so I can add a layer on top of my own thoughts. I immediately was like, oh God, this whole topic is going to be crazy. So let me back up and go back into your question and what ways have I observed or experienced with myself how self deception can manifest and you said wreck havoc in, in our lives, in my lives. And so I don't know if the listener's going to connect with this. I feel like maybe many will. Some might not have the same problems. But immediately when you ask that question, Liz, I think of I'm weak, I'm not worthy, I'm unwanted, I'm a loser, I don't belong here. I'm stuck. Oh my God, I've ruined my life. The problem with the way that we lie to ourselves, or at least that I lie to myself, is that it usually creates either a toxic mental pit that is then easy to like get flowing in this downward spiral, or it might sound like something like this, I'm awesome, I'm the man, I've arrived. They're lucky I'm here, right? And so the other side of this coin is it throws me into a journey ripe with ego taking over my brain and who I'm actually showing. Even worse, we don't capture the fact that on both sides of these, that in my case I'm lying to myself. Or if you connect with this listeners or Liz, that you're lying to yourself. And I love this quote by Peter shepherd that you put into our show notes, the one that is self awareness doesn't stop you from making mistakes, it allows you to learn from them. And that's the thing, what I've had to figure out with self awareness, especially around this topic of self honesty, is watching out for those two pillars of this toxic, easy to flow down, down negative or this like hyper uplifting, egotistical, narcissistic side. And how can I spend time flowing between those in a more balanced way? The thing is, Liz, self deception can mess with your head. When you tell yourselves these negative lies, you start to believe them again. If you run a narrative long enough in your own mind, it becomes truth, even though it's not true. And so you start to believe this, you begin to see everything through this dark, distorted lens. And it becomes almost self fulfilling prophecy. And I've seen people who get in this mode where it's like, oh, it's just this is what happens to me. This is my life. And many times I'll look at myself when I get into that mode, or I'll look at others and I'll be like, yo, the best thing you can do right now is just get the hell out of your own way. Like, get out of your own way. Because your mind is like creating this false reality that you believe is real. You see it as truth, but it's because your energy is flowing on it. Tony Robbins, he did a interview, I think it was with Lewis Howes, I think, if memory serves me correct. And he said, I want you to look for everything brown that you can see in the room that we're in. And he could name things that were brown. And then he asked him to see things that were red. And he okay, so. But then they talked about how he even made some that were beige be brown and some things that were maroon be red just so he could win. Our brain is always trying to, like, make us see the things in a way. And it might not be truth, but we'll lie to ourselves and make it true so that we can get the outcome that we're looking for. And so we're convincing ourself or yourself that you're in a couple different ways not good enough, that you can't achieve your goals, that you're a failure because you've even tried to do the thing. And this negative self talk can paralyze you, making you afraid to step out of your comfort zone and take risks. And so again, truth not being true becomes the hurdle mentally for you as you're trying to move forward down this road. It's like a mental pit of quicksand that slowly pulls you deeper and deeper until you feel completely stuck. And for anyone listening to this podcast and trying to live a life beyond their default or your default being paralyzed and in quicksand, ladies and gentlemen, it's not where we want to be, right? And so that's the negative side for me. On the flip side, self deception can also pump up your ego. Pump it up. I, like, want to start singing, but I'm not going to. And when I say pump it up, I don't mean in a good way. I mean unhealthy levels. By the way, we went deep into this. If you want more on that topic of, like, the idea of ego, then you need to listen to episode 13 where we talk about good ego versus bad ego. What to do when you get too big for your britches. Been there, done that. By the way, I think that may be one of our it's pretty stinking powerful. I think it might be one of our most in the top 10 of powerful like podcast episodes we did. But when you let this side of that coin grow, you start believing that you're invincible, that you've got everything figured out, and that everyone else should be grateful just to be in the presence of you. And while confidence is great, this inflated self view can blind us to our weaknesses and prevent us from growing. And listen. If you're listening this podcast, it's literally beyond your default. It is a personal growth podcast. If you are blind to your weaknesses and you're preventing yourself from growing, then frankly you're wasting your time even listening to this podcast because you're probably lying about the things that you need to truly hear from the things that we're saying anyway. It can make you dismiss valuable feedback, it helps tremendously in a bad way, alienate those around you, and ultimately it can lead to your downfall. And listen, when reality finally kicks in and hits you, this is why all of a sudden you're like, man, why did life kick me in my beep? Because you were ignoring reality for so long on one of these sides. So whether you're spiraling down or you're riding high on a cloud of self deception, neither extreme is healthy or sustainable. And I have found these two things that end up happening. You end up with a distorted self perception of yourself. Or maybe it's even something where you have this realization of unhealthy behaviors. And we can talk about those deeper if we want, or we continue to move on. But those are two things that we should be kind of looking at and thinking about.

I love that I have a lot of thoughts. Number one, for a little while there I thought you were just quoting Radiohead lyrics. Yeah, I'm a freak, I'm a weirdo. Yeah, I'm also always going to be here, always going to be here for a pump it up Joe Budden reference. Because that if you think I'm not now seriously considering putting Fast and Furious on in the background while I do work today. Pump, pump, pump it up. Yeah, you clearly read my newsletter that went out yesterday morning. Maybe beyond your default.com/forward/newsletter, but let's move beyond that. Go subscribe. A lot of what you said really resonated with me and I always find these types of questions interesting because you and I will look at the exact same question and then just go in completely different directions.

Directions, yeah.

Now, this may be somewhat inspired by some of the work I've been really focusing on personally in my life, but I'm going to pull back the curtain a little bit on how I write our newsletter, because what will happen is usually I'll just be walking or somebody will say something and then all of a sudden the little brain machine starts going. It's like, where's my phone? Gotta grab it. And I'll just start frantically typing into my notes app. Because you said something about that light bulb moment when you start to realize what's actually going on. I had one of those this weekend and it inspired a little bit of writing, which is there's a moment when you realize the reason you are confused is because you are setting the conditions only for confusion to be possible. You are enabling confusion around you. You are waiting for answers to come to you instead of just going out and getting them. So ask yourself, why are you confused? Is it because you prefer the safety and insulation that comes with living within a cloud of confusion where all possibilities are still, well, possible? Or is there something you should be doing about it? And so when I think about self deception and dishonesty, the way I often see it manifest in my life is, yes, a lot of the things that you touched on, right? The, the negative self talk, the stories that we tell ourselves, those beliefs that then inform our thoughts, that then inform our actions, which is how we manifest either positively or negatively what our life looks like, right? Because there are two sides to that. You can tell yourself negative stories which create negative thoughts, which create negative outcomes, or you can tell yourself positive stories that create positive thoughts that create positive outcomes. But when I think about self deception, honestly, I've often run into it the most situationally. In addition to that, you know what is actually happening in a situation, right? Like, one of the things I like to say is feelings aren't facts unless they are. But usually what will happen is, for example, let's say I have a disagreement with somebody, I first need to understand, okay, what are the facts of the situation, what actually happened, what was actually said between us? And then I have my feelings in a separate spot over, like, to the left of the facts. And then my goal is to figure out, okay, are the feelings I'm having right now about the facts in the same spot as the facts you do? What I mean, like, am I feeling appropriately given what occurred, or are my feelings on another planet right now, light years from where the Facts of the situation are, if so, what are my feelings? Try to tell me. And I need to pull those feelings back closer to reality. That's the only time I start feeling good about having a conversation about something that I'm not happy about. But often I will find myself in these weird kind of disconnected moments where I'm either leaning too heavily into my feelings and intuitively experiencing an experience which is colored by negative stories, negative self talk, perceiving the absolute worst possible meaning in what somebody was saying to me about something. And then I'll create imagined crises in my head. That's usually the big way I see myself really struggling with this is that I'll have an improper or incorrect view on the situation, be absolutely assured of my rightness in that, and then become paralyzed and stuck with fear because it's already too late, or I don't know how to move forward, or it's an imagined crises that doesn't even exist.

It's so interesting, Liz, when you were talking about that you unlock something in my brain, which I immediately started typing down because I didn't want to lose it. Based on what you were saying, my brain went to this. What are the facts? Question mark. What are my feelings? Question mark. What are the fears driving those feelings? Question mark. What do I need to forget? Question mark? What do I need to foster? Question mark? How do I forge ahead? Question mark? Putting things that happen in some type of rubrics like that, I think will help alleviate some of the times that we easily do what we're talking about today, which is just self deception flat out.

Oh yeah. It's one of the things that over the past year I've worked really hard at specifically is saying, okay, there are the facts of a situation and then there are the feelings we have about the facts of a situation. How in alignment are they? And sometimes your feelings and your facts are going to be, well, in alignment. I perceived him being a butthead. He was in fact a butthead. I don't feel great about him being a butthead. We're going to talk about it. And then other times it's the facts are kind of innocuous. Sure, you kind of disagreed. Your feelings are on another planet, Liz.

Yeah.

What is that trying to tell you? What did that trigger within you? What is the deeper conversation you need to either have with yourself or them or whatever it is? There are two other ways that I see this really show up as well. And I see this a lot in my coaching and we talked about your experience with this. Right. Which is we have a very strict idea of either what our identity is, our identity is, or what will be tolerated by the public when it comes to our identity. So, for example, right now I'm working with a new content manager who's young, just a couple years out of college, super sweet girl, super nice, helping her out just as a favor to a friend. And what's been interesting is I've watched over three weeks her writing skyrocket. Like, she literally sounds like a fundamentally different person. And she didn't change. I just was a verbal permission slip to her. Like, you don't have to sound like that. Whatever this weirdness is right now, I love this. You can be this, you can do this. Come out, say it. Say the quiet parts out loud. And her writing changed immediately. In fact, from week zero to week one, she created a new draft. And the friend of mine who asked me to talk with her said, whoa, okay, this worked. I'm like, well, God, I hope so. You went through this training too, dude. It was funny in that way. So there's this self deception about identity. Sometimes it's a matter of we growing up folks, sometimes you only find out who you are by getting to know who you are through circumstance, time, life. Like, there's that piece of it. But then there's the self deception of, oh, I can't be this way out loud. I can't say those parts out loud. I can't do that. Yes, you can. In fact, the reason why you feel so much friction in your life is because you are exerting more effort to bring yourself 5 to 20% dimmer to make yourself more palatable. You don't actually have to learn a new skill. You just need to stop doing something that is making you exert too much energy.

Fun fact.

The last thing is something I have written about quite a bit. It has been the drum that has caused most of my friends to say, please stop personally attacking me every week in your newsletter. Sometimes twice a week if I'm feeling spicy. And that is getting really honest with what you want and what you don't want. In fact, there is a practice I shared earlier this week that is based off of a quote from Ernest Hemingway that is really. Actually, it's advice for writer's block. That's where it came from. And it says, write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence you know. And so sometimes when I'm feeling stuck about a situation where I know a situation has now become a situation, my inner cupcake alarms are going off. Everything in my body Is saying alert. There is a call coming from inside the house. Fire. Fire. But I don't understand what's going on. I do not understand what's going on. I don't know if it's a feeling. I don't know if it's a fact. I just know that the situation has now reached a critical mass where it must be addressed because it's taking up too much oxygen, too much energy. I will sit down and I will ask myself what is the most one true sentence I know about this situation? I don't try to figure it out. I just try to think of the one thing that comes to mind that makes me immediately say that is the truth. And I've gotten some really interesting outputs from that. So my thoughts. I see your brain has been cranking as I've been talking.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh boy. Okay, what you got?

No, no, we'll just move on. But there's definitely. Again, we'll probably have a part two to this part one of the other part two that will have.

Anyway, so the part one to the part two to the part one.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, well, let's get a little personal then. Yeah, we've touched upon this a little bit already. How have you specifically struggled with self deception and honesty in your life?

I hate this question.

It loves you too, George.

Yeah. I've always told myself the one demon that I couldn't beat was my weight. Things like I'm just big boned even. Oh, God made me this way. Because this is an episode on honesty. If I'm going to be honest, chips, ice cream and hamburgers made me this way, not God not getting up and moving my butt made me this way. And so if I stick to this conversation, two years ago, when I had lost 79 pounds, a friend and I both lied to ourselves and said we're going to take a break for Thanksgiving and Christmas. What's funny is I knew we were lying to ourself, even though we were lying to ourselves. It was this thing of like, I subconsciously looking back at it, realize I think I wanted off the hook, but I didn't really want off the hook. It was reverse accountability. We were both like, ah, screw it. But in hindsight, for me personally, it was like I was asking the demon I had been fighting and winning against to come back into my life and wreck complete havoc. Which by the way, ended up me in the hospital again. Because we all know what happened. I had a plan until I didn't listen to that episode. If you're curious about what that means. But again, to be very honest, historically it's been easy for me to fall prey to this or any conversation around being healthy, losing weight, watching what I'm eating, watching the amount I'm moving. Oh, one cookie won't hurt. Oh, it's just a small bowl of chips. The other thing too, that I think is easy to fall prey to is if you live in a world where it's always their fault. Oh, well, I'm sitting on this couch, smoking this joint, have drank those 12 beers because my math teacher told me I'd never amount to anything. Oh, you know what? I'm divorced because I had a road map before me in my family tree that showed me that it was. See, here's the thing. If it's always their fault, then I. By the way, listeners, if you're connecting with this, you. But I'll just say I have no reason to grow. They should be the one growing. It's their fault, it's not mine. Liz. But also, listeners, I have to ask, in life now or historically, are you lying your way to staying small in life?

100% absolutely.

I have absolutely lied my way away from places I should go and into places I should have stayed away from in the effort to be safe but small. I've had this throughout my entire personal journey. My entire personal journey where I've done this and I've done it less for the last two years as far as like, it's their fault versus, like owning it and not giving myself that permission slip. I've battled more with. Obviously everybody knows the weight in the exercise over the last two years. It's very interesting to me too, when we're having this very honest conversation. The amount that I've been working on my brain to which the lack I actually paid attention to my body and therefore the like, looking forward, the need for. How do I balance both of those? Like, how do I work on my brain and my body?

You were literally only a few months ago going self care. What's that? That's for women.

Like, I don't need none of that there anyway, Liz, I'm gonna get off the hot seat. What about you personally? Let's hear like, how have you dealt with this over the years?

What are you talking about? I'm a perfect angel.

Oh, yeah. Okay, that's section's over. Let's move on.

No, no, let's take a flashback to last week when you and I were in our evolve leadership group.

Yeah.

And it was all about the ways in which we self Sabotage. Because you, you said something here that just triggered something that I actually didn't even have on my list of what I was going to be talking about today. But this is what makes this conversation so important because it's a death by paper cut situation, ladies and gentlemen. It's the little insidious ways that we allow. We. We've programmed ourselves to fall into these mental and habitual grooves of how we live our lives based on these little lies we've told ourselves. I've noticed recently we've talked about this like, I'm really starting to level up in a lot of different ways. I'm finally starting to put myself out there. I'm really starting to commit myself to, you know, I have become a little slashing and burning expert. I'm devoting my energy to this. This is out. And I actually had an argument with a friend of mine recently that I'm going to get to about this in just a minute. Saying, you can't just decide. It's like, well, that's really funny, friend, because I just effing did. Look at that. It is possible. But when we were having this conversation, we were having this conversation during our Evolve leadership group last week. Your conversation just now reminded me of one of the biggest lies I've been telling myself. Because I've been noticing as I'm starting to move up, I'm feeling more friction, right? I'm becoming that lobster. Lobster shells don't grow with them. They have to periodically break. They go under a rock, they break out of them like hulk and then grow a new one. It's an incredibly vulnerable, painful process. And if they were human beings, we just pump them full of Percocets and be like, it's gonna be okay. Just like lay down for a little bit, you know? So I realized I was starting to get to that point. But of course, leading up to that, I'm like, why does this hurt so much? Why are things suddenly getting harder? Why am I suddenly more afraid? I'm getting everything that I want. I'm getting everything that I want. And then finally, Angus Nelson, who is leading this conversation, challenges us to say, what is one belief that is leading to your self sabotage? And I don't know what possessed me to say it out loud, but I did. But I dropped into the chat. I have made so many mistakes and I have hurt so many people. Not intentionally. Like, I don't go out into the world being like, f you guys. I was living a life, not be on my default. I was living in a Fear based prison, making a lot of fear based choices. And when that happens, people get hurt. I've apologized to these people. I've worked hard to make amends. But I had the big fear of someone's going to look at me being successful and say I don't deserve it. And maybe they're right. And that was the permission slip I had given myself to stay small, to continue to engage in self sabotaging practices. Because I've noticed I'm now in a space in my life right now, particularly in the past few months, where I am genuinely getting everything I want. It's not that I'm slipping, but I'm not as dialed in, I'm not as there. And it's because I'm trying to protect myself. And so I've been trying to run at this particular area of self deception in my life, particularly over the past few weeks. It's why I keep writing about it, it's why I keep talking about it. You know how some people process internally. I don't do that. I write. If you would like to know how I'm doing, just read the newsletter. That's usually a pretty big, clear indication. I'm always curious. You and I will have to talk one day. Like sometimes an issue will disappear and be like, oh, so that's Liz. Are you well, how's it going? Is this a cry for help?

Right.

The other thing I will say is I had an experience over the weekend that really exemplifies what I was talking about earlier for me in terms of how I struggle with self deception. That little piece about confusion that I wrote is based on a real true Hollywood story. I was on a conversation with a friend of mine and I was really upset about something that had happened the week prior. Really? I was crying, I was upset. I had had a conversation with someone in which I didn't understand what was happening. I felt like, I felt like I had triggered something and I didn't have all the facts of the situation and I kind of ended up on the receiving end of something stuff. I don't know how to explain it, I don't know, but I'm gonna go find out. Because what was interesting is a friend of mine said, well, what happened? And I said, well, I'm still not quite sure. And he said, well, can you just, just tell me the facts? Don't try to editorialize. Just take me through the conversation. And periodically he would just go, well, that's not okay. Okay, that's not okay either. This doesn't make any Sense. I'm like, huh? Tell me the facts. Don't try to editorialize. Just take me through the conversation. And periodically he would just go, well, that's not okay. Okay. That's not okay either. This doesn't make any sense. I'm like, huh? He said, how long did this go on for? And I said, about an hour. And he said, what? Liz, I know you. How did this person get five minutes beyond what they were doing without you telling them politely but directly to go to hell and then leaving? And I said, it's because it's so and so. Probably if it were somebody else. Yes, but because it's so and so, I'm not going to do that. He said, you're going to call me in two days because you're clearly still processing, but I'm going to put it on your calendar. You're going to call me in two days and you're going to tell me everything that was wrong with what you just said.

Interesting.

I called him back and I said, I know you expected me to come on here and tell you. The thing I said wrong is that I'm making an exception for this person. I agree and disagree with you. I am fine with having made an exception with this person. But I am clearly at a point where I need to go have a conversation because I would not go back and have a do over where I would just say, go to hell and leave. I probably would have handled a lot of things differently, but I need to now go have a conversation. Because I had allowed confusion to become a norm in this particular circumstance. Because I had a fear. I was lying to myself. It wasn't that I was being kind. It wasn't that I was trying to, you know, whatever or, you know. It was because I was afraid, well, what will happen if I actually stand up for myself the way I want to stand up for myself? What am I going to find out? And so I realized I had been choosing comfort over clarity in this particular connection. But the thing is, is that I don't think either of us are doing very well with the confusion that has been kind of become a norm between us. I don't think either of us are doing really great with it because I've allowed it to persist because I have turned off the switches where I typically go out and say, hi, we're going to have a conversation. So you know what I did, George, you would be so proud. Friday night I sent a text and I said, I promised I would always be direct and honest when I'm not Happy. So this is me saying I'm not happy. In fact, I'm quite hurt and confused. Please let me know at your earliest convenience when we can meet in person. I'm happy to work around your schedule. We need to talk, but we're going to do this face to face. So we will be talking next weekend. So there's. It's.

I can't wait. I can't wait for, like, the part two of that. Like, what the heck? That's a cliffhanger right there.

Oh, yeah.

But, Liz, what's funny is, you know how we're starting to put together quotes and we're going to do, like, some graphics with quotes of things that people say. I literally jotted down a note. Comfortable confusion over clarity based on my fears. Liz Morehead, how many people live in that space? I'd rather have comfortable confusion than clarity in my life because I'm afraid of XYZ, ABC, or 1, 2, 3.

Oh, yeah. It was that moment of, oh, the call is actually coming from inside the house. I have set the conditions for confusions to become the norm. We talk a lot about defaults not being good. Some of them are good. My default is to run at something. My default is to point at something and say, hi, excuse me, what is this? And I wasn't doing it because I have a fear around whatever this is. And so we're gonna have a conversation about it. And I personally am also very interested to see. See where it goes. Because what's funny to me is once you start doing the things you said you never were going to do, life starts getting really interesting. Life starts getting really interesting because I'm sitting here going, like, if you flip that switch in one area of your life. I turned on one light in this particular conversation that unrolled over the past week or so, and all of a sudden it's given me confidence in other areas to be more direct.

Yep.

Which I love. All right, so back in the hot seat. George, what are the methods and practices you recommend for individuals who are looking to gain a more clear or more honest understanding of themselves? Because that was the big point you made. Right. You have to go out of your way. You have to push yourself to be self reflective, to see ourselves from that realistic external perspective.

Yeah. Which, by the way, I just want everybody to know as I go through this. This is more of like a unrandomized version of what I'm attempting to do and things that I try to keep in mind then, like, hey, I'm awesome. And on the mountaintop and you should know this, that is not what this is. But I would say setting aside regular time for self reflection is key. Like we, you know it, we, we live in a busy world. There's always something to do, something to scroll. There is a way, a lot of ways for us humans to escape. But when you set aside a regular time for self reflection, you can use that time to think about your goals, more importantly, maybe your values and maybe even more importantly than that, the behaviors and find out, are your behaviors actually matching your values and your goals and where you're trying to get anyway as yourself? Kind of like ask questions like what are my core values? Or what do I want to achieve in the next year? Getting these focuses can kind of help you align your actions with your true self. I'm purposely pausing there because I feel like there are people out there who have the self that they show everybody and they have the self that is them. And too many times we've easily fallen into this lying to ourselves or this self deception that you're showing up 80, 70, 95% of the time as the self you think they want instead of the self that you are. I might even suggest that you pair this time with a time of meditation and mindfulness. Again giving your time for this mindfulness and meditation. It'll help you become more aware of your thoughts, maybe more importantly your feelings and being by the way aware of your thoughts and feelings without out judgment like kick that negative guy or gal in your brain that is always telling you the negative things that I kind of started this podcast with that I deal with out of your brain and regularly practice this time of self reflection and mindfulness. I want you to try to start to observe like your mental processes because this can really reveal how we as humans often deceive ourselves. Apps like Headspace or CALM can help guide you through this basic meditation. My personal favorite is actually Headspace. Got it on my phone. Love it to death.

Double click on that. Love Headspace. That's my favorite.

The next thing that I'm gonna talk about because I think it's important to talk about. I have not historically done this third one, but the further we get into this, boy, I'm really being vulnerable right now.

Do it. Let the love flow through you.

So listen, I've historically sucked at this. My daughters have even challenged me that I'll probably never do this. But the further we get into this, beyond your default journey. First of all, I hope people realize that the conversations that we have when we get on this mic are not easy. Anyway, the further we get into this beyond your default journey, the more I'm strongly considering this, and that is spending time with a professional therapist who can help explore my thoughts, your thoughts, my behaviors, your behaviors in a deeper way. Because an app is great and everything, but a human that is educated on how to extract the things that we need to extract out of our own brains and how to deal with them in a healthy way is pretty huge. Now, I've been over the last, what, 43 episodes? Liz and I have been extracting things out of our brain, and we've been doing the best we can to, like, figure them out and work on them and fix them. But I might be getting to the point where I'm like, you know what? Maybe I just need a pal to talk to, AKA a therapist to unpack and do some more deep digging. If I'm truly trying to show up as what I'm asking others to do, and that is live a life beyond your default or beyond my default, I may need a guide or assistance. Right.

You know, I want to throw something out there for you, George, that may be helpful, and it may be helpful for our listeners, particularly those of the entrepreneurial set, because I know, it's weird, right? Entrepreneurs, we are often consultants. We are not afraid to be hired as an expert. We are not afraid to. We're in coaching classes. We are constantly feeding our minds with experts. A therapist is just another kind of expert. My guy. It's just another guy or gal on a board of directors who is an unbiased third party who went to school to understand the brain, how we think and how we feel. That's really fundamentally all there is to it. And that's one of the reasons I like therapy quite a bit, is that I can show up with someone who is not emotionally invested in any of the players of this whole circus, including me, to some degree. And I know I will get an unbiased, academically backed, experienced idea or thought.

Yeah.

And so if you're someone who's out there who's like, well, I can't do therapy. That's for people who need hugs. No, this is just adding to your board of directors as a human being.

Yes. And I think hearing that is great, awesome, helpful. And again, everything that we've said in the past, and I hear other people talk about and have read up on this, because I'm like, really? Do I want to do this? Do I need this? I like this idea of. It provides me, listeners, if you decide to do this, a safe Space to discuss, but more than that, to receive guidance on the issues that we might be dealing with. And again, I'm. I might implement this in my life. I haven't flipped the switch. I haven't made a hard decision. But it's definitely something where I'm like, at 52, it might be time. Which is really weird because some might think that, yo, it's too late, bro. But I'm like, nah, maybe not. Either way, no matter what, you as a listener decide what I decide to do to improve our honesty of ourselves. I do want to emphasize that we should be focusing on and I have a hard time with this, but it is something that we need to do. We need to emphasize that we should focus on being kind to ourselves along the way. Listen, it's not if but when or you are going to find times that you've deceived yourself and it might make you mad, rage mad, like frustrated. But the only thing I'm asking of myself, and I'm asking of you is when you discover these areas where you've been less than honest to yourself. By the way, we'll talk about less than honest to others next week, but less than honest to yourself. Have some self compassion and treat yourself with the same kindness and understand that you would offer a friend. Recognize that everyone has flaws. Acknowledge those flaws. Take that first step for improvement and every rest of the step for the journey of growth that we're all on. So like just be kind to yourself as you figure out how to navigate this journey or implement things like mindfulness or time or therapy.

So freaking proud of you.

Thank you.

I very rarely get to be the one who says that. So I'm just going to take this moment because. Well, no, because I think what you're doing is you're setting a good example. I think so often. You know what was interesting is, and I wrote about this in that newsletter I wrote last week, beyond your default.com newsletter. Often when I would do that practice of what is that one true sentence? Right?

Yeah.

The truth was very rarely something new.

Mm.

It was very rarely something new. It was something. Once I said it out loud, I went, oh yeah. My body in some way has been saying this for days, for weeks, for months, for years. This is not brand new information. Yeah, but what you did there is the output of that work. Is that so often the reason we self deceive is because there is something unpalatable about saying the truth out loud. It's not that we don't know what the truth is in some Cases, we've got blinders. There's something. You're still figuring stuff out. You're still growing. Maybe there's some sort of deeper thing. In other cases, the only lie you're telling yourself is just not saying it out loud. You already know what that truth is. So I just want to point out for our listeners, like, sometimes this is what it takes just to say it out loud. This is the truth. This is where we are, this is where we're going. So it's just. I loved that.

Thank you.

I do have a question, though, and this is something I fall prey to. So I'm sure when you saw this question, you went, fantastic. But this is a question ever. I know this is a question for a friend, and by friend, I mean me, because this is a problem I fall into. Right? There's how do we differentiate between constructive self criticism? Right. Where it's like, I should do this. It's time for growth. Let's get your. Get your ish together, you know, like. And harmful self deception. Right. The type where we start telling ourselves the negative stories that do. What you were talking about at the beginning of this episode, where's that line?

Yeah, actually, believe it or not, this is a great question. I actually saw this and I was like, oh, I love this question. I'm glad we're going in this direction. So understanding the difference between constructive self criticism and harmful self deception, it's an important piece to unlock and to understand for personal growth. Or again, maybe more important, our own personal mental well being. Which, by the way, this question probably leans into the reason that I wanted to do this side of honesty before. The normal side that most people think around honesty is that that's lying to others. Buddha said there are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth. Not going all the way and not starting. Here's how I look at these two items and how I hope this conversation helps the listeners of today's podcast. Constructive self criticism is growth oriented, offering specific feedback aimed at improvement and learning. Now, listeners, the key words there are improvement and learning that I want you to focus on. Constructive self criticism provides actionable insights delivered with. Which is why I made a big point a couple minutes ago. Self compassion, acknowledging both our strengths and the weaknesses that we have. And listeners, I just want to make sure that you heard that part. Actionable insights delivered with self compassion. So this type of self criticism motivates positive change and leads to progress in our lives, ultimately enhancing self esteem and creating a balanced self view. Keyword balanced of oneself because literally at the beginning I painted the picture of the chasm of ego versus like toxic waste dump. On the other hand, harmful self deception involves denying or in many cases rationalizing away the truth so that you as the human can avoid discomfort or been here, done that. Protect your ego maybe by the way, that the ego that you shouldn't be protecting. Harmful self deception often results in a generalized blame, oh, it's everybody's fault. Negative emotions and honestly, a distorted self view either inflating abilities that you think you have. My grandpa's code is totally coming back to mind where he'd be like, don't let your alligator mouth override your hummingbird. But like, you think you got skills bro, but I'm gonna, I'm about to show you, if you don't shut up, that you ain't got no skills. God, I miss my grandpa. He had, he had some zingers. But this inflated ability or unrealistic idea of who you are or even hand in hand with this like diminishing self worth might be what comes out of this, in my opinion. Both of those, by the way, that I just talked about are red flag warnings to the fact that you officially are no longer on your beyond your default pat. That's a sharp corner. Shoot. We're in a ditch, we're stuck. This harmful self deception can lead to stagnation or being stuck, decreased self esteem and a lack of motivation. Ever been there, listeners? I just can't get motivated to address and learn from our mistakes. So we need to try to double down honestly on this constructive self criticism while we're on this growth journey that we're talking about today. To to help grow our constructive self criticism, we all need to practice again self compassion by treating ourselves with kindness and understanding just as we would any other human being. Friend, family, co worker. We need to get in the habit of like seek, I use the word objective. Seek objective and valuable feedback. Be careful on this one though, because sometimes you got to know the source. It has to be a trusted source, friends, family, co workers, therapists, so that we can gain a balanced perspective of our strengths and areas for improvement as we move forward. Regular reflection on our actions and decisions, setting realistic goals and celebrating small successes along the way can help us build this positive feedback loop in our lives. Which if you're honest with yourself, if you have to pause this podcast, do it. You might not even need that long. I want you to ask, do you even have any type of feedback loop in your life at all? And is it a positive feedback Loop. Are you listening to the world around you, the people around you, the thing inside of your brain, your core, your consciousness, your little still small voice? Like, do you have a feedback loop or are you just rolling through life? Making sure that we balance criticism with praise will help us maintain a healthy self view while again practicing this idea of mindfulness to stay away or stay aware, whichever direction you need to go of your thoughts and feelings. Again without judgment keeping us on this path of our journey versus again ending up stuck in a ditch along the way. Which, by the way, you might have been stuck in the ditch when you picked up this podcast. That might have been the reason. Like, I just feel stuck. I need something to get me past it. Hey, let me become a listener of beyond your default thoughts.

You know, I loved what you said there just at the end, because I was about to say something else. But you may have picked up this podcast at a moment, you know, where life got really hard. And we've always been radically honest about our journeys on this podcast. And if it helps to hear, I started recording this podcast with George in an emotional ditch. We put it at seven in the morning on Mondays, partly because it was when we had time. And it also made sure that my depressed ass got out of bed and actually would start the week. It's not that I wouldn't have shown up for work, but like mentally it forced me. It didn't matter how I was feeling on Mondays at 7am my butt was out of bed and we were having a conversation and I was sitting here on this mic having genuine, truthful, sincere conversations with all of you, but often in the fetal position, sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally ready to vomit all the time. But that's what this is all about. You know, I think we walk around when we see people have informed dialogues the way we're having about life and what it means to pursue it, what it means to break generational patterns, to break habits, to forge new ones. This is painful, bloody work sometimes. And no one you're seeing who is having any of these conversations with any sort of authority isn't in their own way going through the ish, yeah, this is kind of part of the package deal, you know. And so I think what happens is we lie to ourselves and we say, well, everybody else is on this journey, but I'm doing it wrong. I'm different. I even catch myself sometimes when we're talking on this podcast going, am I really even in the position to be having these conversations when I have a laundry list of these are the Things I'm afraid of and I'm still not confronting yet. Right. But I think we all have that. We're all walking around thinking everybody's got all this stuff figured out. And so we lie to ourselves and say, sure, I'm on this journey but I'm never going to get there. I'm always going to be different. There's always going to be something behind the curtain.

Doesn't have to me, doesn't have to be.

The funny thing is it's probably not right like anything you have behind the curtain. Maybe we have different stuff behind our curtain. Everybody's got a curtain. Everybody's got a few things in their past where it's like maybe they talk about it out loud like it's behind them, but it's still sometimes haunts them in the present day. They still sometimes go, it's okay, it's okay.

But you know what? One of my favorite movies is 8 Mile. I love 8 Mile because I love where Eminem is like, here's all my ish. Now what you got? If you're willing to be honest enough with yourself that you're honest with the world, what do they got? You have nothing to hide from because you've said it. It's out there now. You can literally move forward freely.

No, I love that because this is what I wrote in yesterday's edition because I was talking about regrets and how sometimes what will happen is when we have these light bulb moments. All of a sudden we're like, oh, we're too late, I screwed up. They'll never listen. Although immediately the negative stories start piling on. I wrote your pain isn't here to rub in your face your missed opportunities and everything you've done wrong. Your pain is trying to tell you this is your do over. This is your second chance. If back then had been the right time, you would have taken action. But you weren't ready. Now you are. Don't regret that it took you so long to get here, wherever that here may be. This journey took exactly as long as it needed to take because you are only standing where you are right now. Knowing what you know, feeling what you're feeling, loving who you're loving, and chasing what you're chasing because of every single step you took to get to this moment. So instead of dwelling on everything you should have done, maybe you should ask yourself what makes now the perfect time.

It's funny because I mean, just racing right to the front of my brain when you were reading that, I can't tell you the amount of times I got asked, so do you wish you would have started your business five years earlier? And my response is like, no, actually I don't. Because that time was the perfect time.

Oh, yeah. It was all perfectly timed. We're only sitting here on this podcast because of a layover on our way to Frankenmuth, Michigan.

Yeah.

In which we both said to the first time after, nobody else other than probably nearest and dearest. So I'm thinking of going out on my own.

Yeah.

And then we were off to the races. But George, I want to end today's conversation with a flip side of this because we've been kicking over a lot of rocks. We've been kicking over a lot of dirt. So the flip side of this question is, what is the benefit you really see of pushing ourselves to be radically honest from within first even, and especially when it's uncomfortable?

I love this question because it feels like by asking this question, one might be trying to reach the next level or the highest level on this self honesty conversation in their life. And so hopefully the listeners are asking themselves the same question. Obviously we're going to answer it, but if you're not ready for it yet, cool. But if you've reached that level, it's like, okay, now we're going to unpack the baggage, which by the way, you can go back. Listen to the episode where we talk about traveling in your life with like excessive baggage. Episode three, believe it or not, way back when. The default, the baggage, the destination, and the importance of the beyond. If you're ready to unpack that baggage around this conversation, then I'm proud of you. So the first thing that I think about when you ask this question is that practicing radical honesty can really boost our personal integrity. Bottom line, when you're radically honest with yourself, your actions align more closely with your true values and beliefs. Because sometimes our actions are just not aligned with our values and beliefs because we're willing to do, do things, say things, lie to ourself because of this misalignment. This alignment gives you a greater sense of integrity and self respect, by the way. Self respect, like Mario Brothers. You know how you get those little power ups and all of a sudden he becomes like huge Mario.

Yep.

Self respect is life's power up for you, like Mario's special, because you're, you're living consistently with the principles that you want to follow as you go through this life. It reduces internal conflicts and it fosters a sense of coherence and purpose in your life, which, by the way, Purpose, again is a massive power up. If you're doing something just to do it versus you feel like it's your purpose to do it. And that's why you're on the planet, AKA this podcast, this community, this newsletter that like this is a thing of purpose. This is why we're willing to go through conversations like today. But what's funny is when you reduce those internal conflicts and you have this like power up of purpose, it makes this beyond your default journey, way less complicated. Emotional resilience, Liz, is the next thing that I think of and is another huge benefit of being radically honest. By regularly confronting uncomfortable truths. You literally mentioned earlier in the podcast, by the way, comfortable confusion. By regularly confronting uncomfortable truths, you become more comfortable with discomfort. Which by the way, being comfortable with discomfort is a magical place to get to in your life. Being comfortable with discomfort, which then builds emotional resilience. This ability to kind of handle difficult emotions and situations with honesty. By the way, go back to the story that you were telling about, but we're gonna have a conversation about this. The ability to handle difficult emotions and situations with honesty reduces the anxiety and stress that come with avoidance and denial. Listeners, what are you avoiding today? What are you denying today? What is that thing for you, that chasm that you need to get over? Like facing reality head on can be incredibly liberating and it promotes a sense of calm and stability in your life. By avoiding and denying, you are causing yourself to live in a life where it's almost impossible to find calm and stability in your life. When you have that in your life, by the way, you're also unlock a better ability to make decisions. And by the way, that's another thing that I think when asking this question about the benefits or what benefits us to be radically honest with ourselves is better decision making. It's definitely an advantage that you'll notice with radical honesty. Being truthful with yourself gives you clarity and insight. Again Liz, you mentioned over clarity based on my fears, right? So being truthful with yourself gives you clarity and insight, helping to see situations more clearly and make more informed decisions. This helps you evaluate your options, it helps you evaluate your actions without distortions or biases or and watch out for this one, ladies and gentlemen, wishful thinking leading to more effective and rational choices that you make along the way. In the long run, radical honesty contributes to overall well being. And by addressing the root causes of your behaviors and attitudes through honest self assessment, you can make sustainable, positive changes in your life. And that's what we're here for. On this podcast. By the way, this beyond your default journey is about sustainable positive changes in your life, in our lives. You just need to be able to unlock this ability to have sustainable positive change in your life. Being radically honest with yourself makes sure that you live in alignment with your true self and your true values, enhancing your happiness and your fulfillment along the way. Being honest with yourself helps you feel more true to who you are, which boosts your mental and emotional health. This leads to a happier and more successful life and a very powerful approach to a journey beyond your default. Being honest with yourself helps you feel more true to who you are. Do you want to feel more true to who you are? Do you want to have a happier and more successful life? Do you want to live a life that has powerful approach to it? You only can answer those questions. Only only you can answer those questions. So listeners, I challenge you to give yourself and Liz, I'm gonna steal something that you said earlier from the show. Listeners, I challenge you to give yourself a verbal permission slip to not lie to yourself along this journey beyond your defense, fault.