The Freedom + Power of Letting Go

Do you understand your feelings or do you just have them? The other thing I want to mention here is when I say let go, especially on this journey for a life beyond your default, I do not mean giving up. Letting go is not synonymous with giving up or showing weakness. It's a conscious choice to release what no longer serves you, which often requires, by the way, more strength and courage than freaking holding on to it. All of those things, forgetting or erasing your past, avoiding responsibility, ignoring or denying your feelings, giving up, all of those are like the wrong side of this letting go coin that we're talking about today.

Welcome back to Beyond. You'd default. I'm your host, Liz Morehead, and as always, joined by one of my favorite humans on the planet, George B. Thomas. How the heck are you this morning?

I'm just doing great because I'm one of the humans still on this planet. It's funny because I'm not old, but I'm getting older. And every day I wake up, I find myself, especially the life that I'm living right now. I'm like, yes, another day. Let's go.

One of my things, my dad used to say to me when I was much younger in high school, and my parents were older when they had me, so they had me when they were 40. So by the time he was having these conversations with me, he was about 50, 57 or 58 years old. And he used to say, liz, at some point, you're going to get to your life where you're going to have more yesterdays than tomorrows, so you should always be grateful.

Oh, wow. That's good wisdom.

I know. So now that I'm. I'm 41, going on 42 this year, I could be at the halfway mark. I could have more yesterdays than tomorrows. I don't know. I'm squarely in that midlife section.

Yeah, I'm squarely past that midlife.

Hey, you don't know. With modern technology, you. You don't know.

I mean, I guess they could kind of turn me into, like, a Borg robot and keep me around.

But what if we get a little literal, a little more science fiction with living beyond your default? This week, we're going to talk about biotic arms.

It's going to be how to be 157 years old.

Oh, my gosh. So today's topic, I'm wildly excited about this, and this is unlike the past few weeks where you have been a potentially under duress guinea pig.

Yes.

For some of the topics that I wanted to talk about, like, self care and all of these different things.

We made it past it.

Let's talk about how much growth you experienced during that episode you did. We all grew together like a family. This week we're talking about one of your favorite topics, and this is something you had mentioned a long time ago that you wanted to talk about, and that is about letting go.

Go.

And again, like many of the topics that we talk about, on its surface, the idea of letting go. This is not new. George and Liz didn't invent this. It's one of the most liberating and progressive things that we can do for ourselves is to let go. Whether that's of anger, of fear, of control, of the need to be right, to have everything go in a specific way. But I think even though many of us intellectually understand that when we get in our fifies, when we're actually feeling our way through moments, it is very difficult to put into practice. We want to hold on to the anger, the fear, the control, the expectations of how something must come out. So today we're going to dive headfirst into the unknown, that expansive sea of opportunity that can come when you truly learn to let go. But we're not going to shy away from the fact that, quite frankly, it's really freaking uncomfortable to do it. So we're. What makes this conversation so important for you today, George, because this is one of your babies.

Yeah. It's interesting because you even said, like, we want to hold on to, which is not a place that we want to be. And I even want to go back a little bit, like my thoughts when you said we intellectually understand, but we struggle to do it, and it's out of fear and out of anger and aversion to the unknown. And listen, there could be a thousand other little reasons. And my brain, when. When I'm listening to that at the beginning of brain wants to scream out excuses. Excuses. Or my brain wants to yell out emotions. Those are emotions that are masking the true conversation that we need to have in our brain. Because I think that if I boil it down to one word at the beginning of this is like, nope. Like, just stop it. Like, nope. The word that we're hiding. It's the word control. Like, everybody wants to be in control. They want to hold on so tightly to things. And by letting go, by realizing you're not supposed to be in control, it is a form of strength. And that's what. When we are trying to live a life beyond our default, when we're trying to have this growth mindset, when we're trying to do all of the things that we talk about on this podcast, it comes down to having this inner strength, this ability to just lean into what is going to come your way and it not freaking kill you. And my mind is transported to, like, when you plant a seed in the ground, like if you're a gardener, if you go out and you plant a tree, like, literally, do you control its growth? No. You wait and watch. It rains, the sun shines, the sun sets eventually, you look out at your garden and boom, like the plants have grown. You didn't do anything. You didn't control it. You didn't control the sun, you didn't control the rain. It just. You put a seed in the ground. Why do we have such a hard time with this? Why can't we realize that we are seeds planted into this world and it's going to rain, it's going to shine, and boom, we're eventually going to be who we're meant to be. Now, I know that I'm simplifying that slightly, but the foundational principle is true. The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over and you. And you can't move forward. By the way, that was a quote. Steve Marabelli. The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. Ladies and gentlemen, if you can't move forward, you can't get to a life beyond your default. If you can't move forward, it means that you're stuck. And here's the thing list again. I know I'm getting passionate, but this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. When you're buried in control, it's hard to be conscious in life. I feel like control is a cloud in people's brain. And what I mean by this, maybe a great visual of this, is when control takes over your life. It's like walking around trying to see the world through cataracts. And when we say letting go, what does that really mean? Right? And so control and these elements that we've been talking about on the podcast and these elements that we will continue to talk about in today's topic, this is where we're going to go.

You know, George, one of the things, and I'm sorry to do this while we're recording so our audience can hear this.

Oh, boy.

A little piece of constructive feedback. I really struggle sometimes to Understand what your true feelings about topics really are. So if you can do a better job of just being a little bit more explicit about your stances, I'll try to really help.

More excited. Yeah, I'll try to be a little.

More excited as a host. Just. It's a little more helpful. So I love where we're going with this conversation because I think you're absolutely right. As someone who is a barely reformed, still relapsing control freak, it really does come down to control. Because when I think about moments in life where I have really struggled with letting go or releasing, whether that's expectations or anytime something zigs when I expected it to zag. Perfect example. You and I talked about this this morning before you and I hopped on. We did our. Usually no, hey, how's your weekend? Have you been caffeinated? Da da da da da. I said to you, well, I did not have the weekend I expected to have. I was moving into my new apartment this weekend. That went flawlessly. I'm so excited about it.

Congratulations.

Thank you. One of my favorite things about that is that that actually came from letting go and releasing. I was struggling to find an apartment a few months ago, as I told you about, and I said, well, what if I just allowed to see what walked into my space of opportunity? And I told you on. By January 1st, I knew where I was going to live. And on January 1, out of nowhere, out of left field, this apartment that I would have never found totally landed in my lap. It was wild. But that's the positive side of letting go. This is also the positive side kind of of letting go. But Liz had a mild existential crisis slash panic attack on west street in Annapolis over the weekend. On Saturday, I went to go run an errand. I said, hey, I will be right back, George. And I walked out of my office.

She never came back, ladies and gentlemen.

Went and got a little snacky snack. Went and let the guy into my storage unit. Walked right back up to my little office, went to go open the door, and that mother flipper was locked. And behind that door, my phone and my computer.

Oh, no.

So even if I had someone to call, wouldn't have been able to do it. I was very impressed that I kept the meltdown internally expressed. I didn't start yelling out of my body, but there was definitely this very loud pinched hum in my head that occurred. And all of a sudden it was, oh, my God, oh my God, I can't get in. I was gonna be doing all these things and I Stand there. And I started panicking and panicking and panicking. And then this voice in my head just went, well, you can't change it. Not your plan today. This is not the day you were supposed to have. And so I sat there and I was sitting on the steps and I just kind of freaked out and free. And finally I just calmed myself down and went, you can't change anything. So what are you gonna do? Have a panic attack for 36 hours until Sunday afternoon when you can finally get back in? I ended up having the best weekend. I walked around town, met new people, took the dogs. I'm dog sitting for a walk. I actually did a lot of journaling and a lot of writing because I didn't even have my phone, so I couldn't have any distractions. And what was fascinating about this whole experience is that a. It was a test of this idea of being without your devices. You literally can't call anybody. There's absolutely nothing you can do. You, you just have to accept something that is completely, wildly outside of your control. And also it made me realize how much I had been missing because in the past, I would say six to seven months, it's been like very. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Here, do this, do that. What's the next plan? What's the next thing? Is this all set up? Are you here? Are you there all of these days? I'm in Connecticut, I'm in Maryland back, and I'm. It's just all over the place. And it gave me this moment to stop because I'm starting a new chapter in my life. And I ended up, did I show up this morning going, well, I will now be working late for the next two to three days? Yes. And I was given a gift. I was given a gift to be able to just sit in reverence of a moment that I would have ignored to check something else off on a list.

It's so interesting because this really dives into kind of what I really mean when I say letting go. And Liz, the funny part about this is there's so many things in that story. One, I find it universally comical that the weekend before we were going to record an episode on letting Go, that the probably things that are important and usually go without not being around your body or used on a daily basis, we're like, nope, let me teach you about letting go. And it's funny because you and I have talked about, like, not my day, his day. And for me, there's been a statement that I've used for A long time. Let go and let God. And what's funny, Liz, in this piece, you, you said a couple other things. Like you said, am I going to have a panic attack for the next 36 hours? The better you get at what we're talking about today. It could have been a panic attack for three minutes, or it could be a panic attack for 30 seconds, or it could not be a panic attack at all because your knee jerk response to be like, huh. Well, I wonder what the universe has for me over the weekend. But trust me, I'm not even there yet because I would have probably freaked out a little bit as well and figured out how to get a crowbar through a window or something. But here's the thing for me that letting go and letting God for me has always meant getting out of my own way. Because one thing for sure is I'm really good or historically have been really good at getting in my own way of life. And instead of feeling tense, instead of being stressed, instead of the panic attack that you're talking about in these moments, being able to feel at peace in life. I've used this before, but a quote by Bruce Lee, by the way, did I say I'm a big Bruce Lee fan? You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes a bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water, my friend. Again, Bruce Lee. Listen, Liz, when life pours you into a situation like it did this past weekend, and listeners, I'm not just speaking to Liz right now. I'm speaking to you. Are you the water? Can you become the water by leaning into this? I've been able to embrace a superpower, by the way of this idea of becoming the water that at one point I thought was a weakness, but I finally realized that they were combined together and it's just kind of what the world, God, the universe, my situations have turned me into. And my form of becoming the water is I have this thing that I always was like, oh, man, I don't know if this is a good thing, but I call it the chameleon effect, meaning I can step into a room and I can become what that room needs me to become. And there were so many years in my life where I thought, well, you're just playing a part. You're not being authentic. You're a sneaky, conniving like. And. But that's not me. And it wasn't until I read the book Steal the Show by Michael Port, by the way, which it's a great book, great book on communication. And he talked about the chameleon effect. And I realized, oh, my God, I'm authentically changing into who I need to be to give the value to the room that it needs. I'm not being inauthentic. And it's this idea of letting go. Not being in control of who I think I need to be, but just becoming who they need me to be. Anyway, there's a whole thing, if you want to learn more about that, you can get the book Steal, by the way, not sponsored at all. This podcast is not sponsored by Michael Bork. I mean, it could be, but it's not Michael. He's a good human. But here's the thing. When I start to break down, like, what we really mean, I think there's this idea of emotional release. Like, letting go involves releasing the negative emotions associated with the past events of our lives. You mentioned some of these. Anger, resentment, grief, fear. And Liz, it's about understanding that we have to. And when we can move past these emotions, we find peace and acceptance. And I think that's another big piece because we've had moments where we've talked about showing up as a whole ass human, but to show up as a whole ass human, you have to have acceptance. And if you tie that to the conversation we're having today, letting go means being okay with the fact that something just can't be changed. It's about understanding that life is full, and I mean over abundantly full of surprises and things that don't always last or go our way. And sometimes we have to accept the fact that we can't fix everything. We can't turn back time and make things the way they used to be. The good old days. It's about making peace with how things are, even if they're not perfect in the situations we're in. And we've talked about this, Liz, but I think when we're talking about what does letting go really mean, we have to bring in the word forgiveness. This can involve forgiving others who have wronged us in the past, forgiving yourself for past mistakes we've made. God knows I made plenty of mistakes in my life and have had to forgive myself. But letting go in this context means that you're no longer allowing these past grievances, mistakes, issues, oh my God. To dominate your thoughts because you're. You're your worst enemy in your own brain. And More importantly, that they're not dictating your emotions. Ladies and gentlemen, if you need a master class in this, you need to go Back to episode 14 and 15, where we talk about forgiving yourself and forgiving others. And Liz, I want to say this. When we're talking about what does it really mean? I think there's this idea of mindfulness and presence. Jeez, Liz, you literally said, I did these things that I would have never done. I had time to think in a way that I wouldn't have thought. I went and connected in ways that I probably wouldn't have connected. Mindfulness and presence in the like, Letting go encourages living in the present moment rather than being held back by the past or overly anxious about the future that's going to come our way. It's about focusing on the now and appreciating current experiences without the weight of past or future burdens. Listen, we're all here for personal growth. We're. If you're listening to this podcast, you're trying to move forward. And letting go is often a crucial step in personal development. It allows us as individuals to grow, learn from the past experiences, embrace new opportunities without being hindered by past baggage. Go watch that or listen to that episode. By the way of leaving the baggage behind. Listen, if you're going to live a life beyond your default, this is kind of funny. You must get control over feeling like you always need to be in control.

Oh, my God. Well, it actually becomes kind of funny, too, because I was sitting here as you were going through that, and I was thinking about, you know, the moments where I've been able to see step away from my need for control, things become a little bit funny. It doesn't really matter what your belief system is, but sometimes when you stop getting angry that things have gone completely off the rails from what you considered to be your plan, you kind of look around and go, did the universe conspire for me to have this moment? Because I'm thinking about it like, that morning I had given away my iPad to somebody. That was my only other device that I had. It was somebody who, like, they were thinking about getting an iPad. I didn't really use mine. I, you know, I said, hey, why don't you use this? That way your kid can have it. You don't have to buy something new that they potentially break. I had dropped that off that morning. And then the only real work I was meaningfully able to get done that morning was the episode outline for this episode on letting go. And so when I finally When I finally just stood there and breathed, I was like, okay. Ha, ha. You know, I kind of had a good chuckle about it. Like, not in the kind of, like, sardonic way, but it was just. Life is kind of beautiful when you let go of that control. But I want us to step into. You started touching upon this already a bit. I'd love for you to give me your thoughts on why it is important for us to learn this skill.

I mean, listen, how many humans have you talked to? And they say, I just want to be happy. I just want to be happy. That's all I want out of life. I just want to be happy. Well, happiness and contentment, it's rooted in letting go of things that we can't control. Like, many times you're not happy because you're holding on with both hands. It's almost impossible to find peace and contentment in the current situations when you're being that wall and you're not being the water. And I would say that we have to learn to appreciate what we have. We have to appreciate, much like you just talked about it being funny, what's happening in the moment. And out of that, we can find joy in these present moments, even when they feel like they're completely off the rail. And there's another piece, we literally have this in our dining room that, again, I started with the other section where it's like, let go and let God. Real closely tied to this, the serenity prayer, which most people on the planet have probably seen or heard. But God, grant me the serenity to accept, accept, accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. And there's a whole thing right in there of, like, the wisdom to understand what you can change. Therefore, you do have some substance of control. And then things that you're holding onto with both hands that you're just wasting exhausting energy. And when I think about, why is it important for us to learn to let go other than just this topic of happiness? I want to be happy. I want to have joy in life. For many people, happiness and joy is actually dictated by the life reflection of freedom. Right? Letting go provides a sense of freedom from the past and the burdens we've been carrying. This newfound freedom can lead to a more fulfilling and less dicey, messy, frustrating life that we might be into. I. I think the other thing that we usually do in this podcast is we break it down into, like, mental, physical, spiritual, like, different sections. And, like, it's important for your emotional Health, like holding on to anger, resentment, or bitterness. Like, we've talked about this, it's the poison. Like, why are you drinking the poison? Like, it makes no sense. And honestly, like holding on to anger, resentment, bitterness can lead to chronic stress. As somebody who ended up in the hospital for three and a half days because of stress, it can negatively impact our emotional health. Letting go allows us to release these negative emotions, reducing stress and improving our overall emotional well being. Physical health, even emotional stress can manifest physically. Again, I just mentioned going to the hospital for three and a half days, leading to issues. Hypertension, heart disease, digestive problems. Why can't you poop? Because you're stressed out. Because you're trying to control everything. That's why. And we can.

What? What?

I'm just saying, people want to be like, I got a bowel syndrome, man. Quit holding on with both hands to things that you can't control.

Let go of the poop. Let go of the metaphor. Poop.

I'm just saying. And here's the thing though. Like, literally this. Can we weaken our immune system? Which Liz, I've kind of said in past podcast episodes, like, sometimes I wonder if I have rheumatoid arthritis because of the stress that I've put on my body and my mind over the years of, like the hustle before the healthy hustle, like the grind hustle that we talked about in. In a previous podcast. But here's the deal. By letting go, we can potentially alleviate and prevent these physical mental health problems that we might find. And I find it freaking funny again about your weekend and what you gleaned out of your weekend. Because one of the things that I wanted to talk about in this section is mental clarity and focus. The not needing to dwell on past events or worry about things we can't change. In your case, a computer and a phone. Not knocking on the people's door and asking for your iPad back or whatever. Like, but all of this can consume us and leave less room for productive thoughts, productive actions. Letting go frees up mental space. I don't even think people think about the space that they have rented in their brain for things that are not important. But letting go frees up mental space, allowing us to focus more effectively, more efficiently on the present and the future, of course, in positive ways. But. But I'm super curious, Liz. What about you?

Why is it important for us to let go? I have a few thoughts.

Just a couple.

Just a few. Just a few. It reminds me, quite frankly, of an issue of the beyond, your default newsletter That I wrote a few weeks ago in honor of leap year. If you haven't subscribed beyond your default.com newsletter, do it. Do it. I wrote about the fact that we need to get better at embracing failure. Because if there is one thing humans have a hundred percent failure rate at, it is predicting the future. It is knowing what is best for ourselves. It is this egotistical view of the world that we know not only what we want, but how exactly we should get there and what precisely it should look like. And this is something I have struggled with a lot in my life. You know, oh, I want true love. It must look exactly like this. This is exactly what a perfect life looks like. This is exactly what it should be like. And if it doesn't work out this way, that deep fear gremlin inside of me goes, well, if it doesn't work out this way, then it's not going to happen at all. That's what led to pretty much all of my 2023. Am I grateful to be on the other side? Yes. What's also fascinating about it is somebody asked me recently and I think I talked about this on the last episode, Would you go back and tell yourself at the beginning of last year what was going to happen over 2023? Absolutely not. My control freak adult brain would have tried to sa everything and I would have never gone through the lessons that I needed to go through. I would have never walked the path that was meant for me. Us humans are beautiful, incredible creatures. We are capable of so much in terms of life and love and happiness and purpose. But we are not very good at determining what is best for us, what form the forms those should take. And it's not because we're. It's not because we're not smart. It's because usually when we think about, well, if I'm going to have true love, it's going to look exactly like this. And he's going to be like this, and it's going to be like that. You close yourself off to potential. You close yourself off to growth. Letting go is important, particularly when it comes to expectations, because you can usually not think as big or as boldly or as brightly as what your potential actually is. You think in a safe place manner. You think, na, this is probably the lowest risk, highest reward scenario that will get me to quote, unquote, what I think I want. And here's what gets really crazy about this. And this is why it's so important. If you cling to things that do not belong to you, if you build a castle that is not meant for you. If you cling to relationships that are not meant for you, if you cling to dreams that. That are not yours, you will leave no room for the things that you are supposed to have. You want abundance. You want these great big things in your life to come in? Then please tell me, what parts of your old life do you need to let go in order to create space for it? Because if abundance has no place to come in, if you have no Runway for it to exist, my friend, what is it that you are wishing for?

Who? I feel like I need a fan, a Bible, and a hallelujah. Liz just took us to church, ladies.

Can I get an amen?

Amen. My goodness.

Is that born of experience?

Just a touch. I wish I really knew how you felt, Liz.

I'll work on that, George. Thank you so much. Great feedback. Constructive coaching at its finest in front.

Of the entire world.

I love it. I love it. So we're going to beyond your default church today. Yes, we're getting feisty. But let's be honest. If this is something that people did easily and well in a consistent manner, including the two of us, this would not be an episode. This would not be a conversation that we even need to be talking about. So why do you think it's so hard for folks to put into practice, even though we know how valuable it is?

Yeah, about one bazillion reasons. But let's break it down a little bit. You know, as people who are listeners of the podcast know, I like to talk about the base of the tree. It's at the base of the tree. We can take time to think and we can ponder and we can get to know ourselves. And I think, like, number one thing that we got to hit out the gate here is there's just a fundamental lack of awareness or the skills to do anything about what we're talking about today. I mean, some individuals listening to this may not even be fully aware of their need to let go or might not know how to do it efficiently. They could be holding on with both hands and can't see that they're holding on with both hands. And when they do see it, they're like, what's strategies? What guidance? Like, how? And to be honest with you, this can feel like, sure, hey, just let go. And in their mind, they're like, this is an insurmountable task. Let go. Yes. Let me just go climb Everest real quick and do that, too, since you're asking. Let go.

Let God and get fired. Right, exactly. Yeah.

Like, let's do that. This awareness of what it is and then setting kind of these tools or strategies in place. School never taught me this. My parents never taught me this. The other thing is, you said, Liz, at the very beginning of this, we don't want to. We don't want to let go. Listen, the real deal, Holyfield, you might have some emotional attachment issues. People often develop strong emotional attachments to outcomes, beliefs, people, possessions. These attachments can create a sense of identity or security, dare I say false security, making it hard to let go without feeling a sense of loss or vulnerability because.

Woo.

Have you ever seen the movie the Jerk?

Yes.

I just need this chair and this thermos. I just need this chair and this thermos and this robe. Like, what do you think you need in life that you're carrying around that is actually holding you back? What do you think is making you secure but is actually just the safeguard of your own mental ability to not actually let something go Anyway? Tied to that is emotional pain. The process of letting go can be emotionally painful. Listen, this podcast is emotionally painful. The stuff that I've had to drudge up, the things that Liz talks about. Some might say we're crazy for going down this journey, but the process of letting go can be emotionally painful as it involves us revisiting past hurts or confronting uncomfortable truths about ourself and that we find last week's episode on self care. Anyway. The instinct to avoid pain can lead people to resist this process of letting go. And then the huge one is fear of the unknown. Letting go often means stepping into unfamiliar territory, a place that none of us want to go. The fear of uncertainty or the unknown can be more like, intimidating than holding on to the familiar. The fear of uncertainty or the unknown can be more intimidating than holding on to the familiar. Even if the familiar is painful or if the familiar is unproductive, Ladies and gentlemen, go listen to episode 11 after this if you're actually feeling a little sort of way right now. But Liz, I jokingly said at the beginning of this section about a hundred bazillion other reasons. I know because this is something that I have fundamentally struggled with in the past, Liz. I used to be an Uber control freak. It had to be my way or the highway. But I had to realize this was not who I was to be. I had to dissect, where in the heck did this come from? Like, why am I living a life that doesn't feel like it's my life right now? Why do I feel like I'm repeating the history of my fathers and my grandfathers, and this doesn't feel right. There was an awareness, and I had to realize when growing up that when I heard things like when I say jump, you ask how high? Was simply a human struggling with their own ability to let go and give up control in a life. They felt they had no control because of the hand they were dealt. You see, both of my dads lost their fathers at an early age, so they had to be the men of the house. And what does that mean to a young man, mentally? You better have it on lockdown. You better be in control. You better be 52 steps ahead. And when that man or men or grandfather is actually the person that you're learning from, what do you feel like you have to be? You have better have it on lockdown. You better be in control. You better be 52 steps ahead. And listen, once I broke that mental cycle, I could let go and let God. I could become the water and not the wall. I could find strength in understanding the sunshine and the rain of life. Liz, what about you on this? Take them to church.

Wow. Is letting go something I've struggled with in the past? Absolutely not. I am an angel.

You're perfect.

I'm perfect. I'm great. Great. I no way resonated with. I used to be a complete control freak. Sitting here pretending as if sometimes I'm not still a total control freak. One of the things that I really have struggled with in the past is just the wide spectrum of reasons why I have struggled to let go. Because sometimes it's big, right? Like, if we want to do the thing that you were just talking about, how we go deep and we sometimes go dark in order to have these conversations, to be as honest as they need to be. On one end of the spectrum, a lot of my control issues come from deep trauma. I grew up in an abusive, alcoholic household. One of the outcomes of that as a child is you tend to become very hyper vigilant. You become hyper aware of people's emotions. Then you start over catering to them because you don't know how to have a stable environment or how to regulate your nervous system around that. That is a very big element of why, for a good portion of my life, I've really struggled to let go of control in situations. That's one end of the spectrum. On the other end of the spectrum, I've had letting go issues for simple reasons, like, but he's really hot. I understand. Maybe I should think about something differently. But have you Seen him. He's six' six and really hot. Like, so. Letting go reasons and struggles run the gamut of trauma to hotness and everything in between.

I love your honesty on this.

It's true. Like I had that where I'm just like, so, fine, fine, whatever. But then there's also another little reason that I run into a lot. You know, we've talked about letting go from the perspective of our personal lives, but letting go is something really critically important in work for two reasons. I'm going to start with one that's a little bit more specific to me. But I would say this is true of anybody who has the art of creation in any capacity as part of their work, whether you're a writer, a video creator, an entrepreneur, anything where you have to take a something in your head and create it in reality from nothing. There is this idea called you have to learn to kill your darlings. And I run into this in writing a lot where it's like, but that's really funny. I really like this specific grouping of words. Well, Liz, it doesn't fit. It doesn't fit, it doesn't work. And you have to really get good at letting go of probably some of your favorite bits of writing, your favorite bits of creation. Because if you look at it in service of the larger goal that you are trying to achieve with whatever that piece of content or creation is, it's gotta go. It doesn't fit. It doesn't serve the greater good. It doesn't serve the greater purpose. But that joke is so funny. Yeah. And when you put it out there, people are like, that's a funny joke. She clearly put it in here just to be funny. And it doesn't fit. So sometimes letting go, again, it's trauma, writing, hotness, it's all in there. And then the other way. I have struggled a lot and it comes down to the people pleasing aspect of it, which is something I'm. I've gotten better at. But I'll be honest, I'm still working on when you're trying to control everything. I said earlier in this episode that we're really bad at predicting the future and we tend to make plans. There are a lot of studies around time management, around productivity that have to do with the fact that when people make plans, we tend to do so by assuming the best possible outcomes across every single variable. When we try to control everything, you are increasing the likelihood that something can and will go wrong, particularly when it comes to your work.

Yeah. Wow. I look jack it up.

I feel like I hit a couple spots for you. I saw you doing a little pacing. George, what's on your mind over there?

Yeah, that's the thing. Like, the more you try to control it, the more chances are you probably gonna jack it up. I'm just gonna throw that out.

You about to learn a lesson.

This. Yeah, this could be life or this could be profession. But it's funny that you went to profession, because one of the superpowers that back in the day when I worked at Mind Grab Media, that then turned into epiphany. And I worked with Eric Jacobs, he was the creative director. And this is when I was just getting into, like, agency, life, design, development, that kind of stuff. A lesson that I learned was not how to get butt hurt, like, looking at design work and be like, yeah, I know that's your baby, but guess what? Your baby is ugly. And actually being okay with my baby being ugly, like, being okay with that. Because I used to get so mad when he'd be like, go, try again. I'd be just for hours butthurt, like, it looks good. I like this design. And I'll never forget, he's like, dude, you got to be okay with a client telling you you're that. That your baby's ugly. And then you go make the baby the way that they need it to be. Like, that's what our job is. And there's just something fundamentally interesting to me about the lack of getting so easily hurt or frustrated or angry with co workers or clients based on this, like, letting go of. But I put all my time in love, and I even gave it the special, like, seasoning splash of creativity. Now, like, it's. No, it's not right. Do it again. And that being okay anyway, you did hit a couple of professional nerves when you went that direction.

I love what you said there because it's absolutely true. You know, it's so funny the fact that I grew up in this kind of hyper, vigilant way where I'm so terrified about people's opinions of me, and I get really people pleasing for some reason, that doesn't show up in that aspect of my work. It's more about, like, I learned very early on that if people don't like the creation that you've, you've brought forward, it's not personal. And you have to really change the goal of what you have there. Is your goal to look good in front of a client, or is your goal to collectively and collaboratively solve the problem you have both decided need to be solved, and then Life gets fundamentally easier. Anyway, I want to pivot the conversation here because we've spent a lot of time defining what we're talking about here, right? What is letting go? I'd love to hear from you. When we say letting go, what don't we mean?

So the immediate thing I have to transport back to is, but, Liz, they don't care that I liked Tupac and Biggie. Liz, they don't care that I was homeless. Liz, they don't care that I come from, you know, humble beginnings in a one room log cabin with no running water and you saying, when are you going to show up as a whole ass human? Because what I was trying to do is forget my past. Even worse, what I was trying to do is erase my past. And letting go doesn't mean that you forget what happened or deny the significance. The significance? The significance of the past events. It's about accepting the past, learning from it, and not allowing it to dictate your present or future. But it's still being a part of who you are. When I talk about what we don't mean. Is this thing on? Is this thing on? Quit avoiding responsibility. Letting go is not avoiding responsibility. Letting go doesn't mean you shirk responsibility for your actions or their consequences. It's about releasing the emotional burden while still acknowledging and learning from your experiences.

So I can't roll up tomorrow morning, George, and be like, I know you wanted a pillar page, but I was letting go and letting God.

I mean, you might be able to try. I could. I don't know what that conversation would go like, but here's the deal. I will lean into that. It kind of, my response might kind of lean into the next thing. I want to talk about letting go. Because, Liz, I might let go of that, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to ignore or deny my feelings along the way. Like, letting go is not about suppressing or pretending your emotions don't exist. It's about acknowledging your feelings. Liz, that's great that you had a great weekend. We gotta get shit done. Like, April 1st is gonna. Oh, yeah, I'm just, I'm like, ah, April 1st. Anyway, if you're like, what is April 1st? Check the Internet.

You'll find out.

April 1st, you'll find out. But we have to acknowledge our feelings. And more importantly, as I say this, I wonder, that's interesting. Where my brain just went. Ladies and gentlemen, I need you to ask yourself a question. Do you understand your feelings or do you just have them? What I'm about to say? It's about acknowledging your feelings and understanding them. You would have to understand them to then release the hold that they have over you. Anyway, the other thing I want to mention here is when I say let go, especially on this journey for a life beyond your default, I do not mean giving up. Letting go is not synonymous with giving up or showing weakness. It's a conscious choice to release what no longer serves you, which often requires, by the way, more strength and courage than fricking holding on to it. All of those things, forgetting or erasing your past, avoiding responsibility, ignoring or denying your feelings, giving up, all of those are like the wrong side of this letting go coin that we're talking about today.

Well, good news, that was only a hypothetical because I watched you experience a wide range of feelings where you're like, I know she's saying this hypothetically. I know she's saying this hypothetically.

I hope.

Yes. Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. The only other thing I would add before we move on from this.

Yeah.

Is that letting go. This reminds me a lot of our toxic positivity conversation and our episode on forgiving others. Letting go, in practice, it's not just about not absolving yourself of your responsibilities. You do not absolve others of responsibility when they need to take responsibility when they need to take accountability for their actions. You know, there's a lot of this, like, taking the high road, moral high ground. Da, da, da. If someone has genuinely done you a disservice, if someone has genuinely done harm to you physically, emotionally, however you define it, you do not need to let go in order to be the bigger person. Now, we've had extensive conversations about processing anger healthily. What forgiveness actually looks like. Accountability actually looks. Go back and listen to those episodes because I'm not saying, well, Liz said that I could be angry, so now I'm going to pick up a hammer and scream a lot like, that's not so what I'm saying here. My point.

Sounds fun, though.

It does sound fun, doesn't it? When we say letting go, what we don't mean is all of a sudden you have to become a doormat, otherwise you're not letting go enough. Okay, so, George, talk to us about what letting go looks like in practice.

Yep. Back to the base of that tree. So the first thing is, and we've kind of. There's been hints of this along the way, but in practice, let go is about self reflection and awareness. Letting go is. It's like in here, it's. It's heart, like it's, it's an introspective process. You're going to have to dig in and like actually dissect some things and tweak some things and change some things. The ability to do what we're talking about, it requires self awareness to recognize what needs to be released and why. This awareness is crucial for identifying the attachments or patterns that no longer serve you and what's best for your interest as you move forward. By the way, there's some, there's some real wisdom in there right down in your notepad if you're taking notes. What attachments do I have in my life that are no longer serving me and what patterns am I doing over and over again that no longer serve me? That's going to give you two real interesting places. Well, it could be multiple places, each one of those two things to be a place where you could start to work on in practice. It's though acceptance, right? I talked about Biggie and Tupac and you know, homeless and you just got to accept like at the heart of letting go does acceptance. It can pertain to emotions, it can pertain to situations, relationships, circumstances. But at the end of the day it's about acknowledging the truth of the moment, the present moment, without trying to force change or deny the reality that you live in. We're really good as humans of like painting our own picture in our brain for the what we think is safety instead of actually diving in to dissect what will set us free moving forward. Anyway. This whole process, letting go, it's not for the faint of heart. It takes courage and strength. It often takes significant courage to let go, especially when it involves deep seated emotions. This one's hard even for me. Long held beliefs or what's even harder, and we've talked about it multiple times on the podcast with Liz, you and me, significant relationships. The act of letting go is a testament to your strength, your resilience in the face of change and uncertainty. And again, that gets real difficult when you're talking about your belief structure or the relationships that you've chosen to have for the past year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, and the emotions that come from both of those as you live a life beyond your default or try to live a life beyond your default. The thing that I would say in practice that we really need to start to make sure again in that notepad at that base of the tree that we're thinking about is future focus. Letting go is fundamentally a forward looking action. It's about releasing the past or the Present the holds that the past or present have on us, and embracing the future, the full future possibilities. It's an act of optimism, being an optimistic human for what is to come, grounded in the belief that letting go of what no longer serves us will lead to better outcomes for us.

This reminds me, especially that last piece, reminds me of the last issue, the newsletter I wrote where I was talking about how. I'll be honest, I called you out a little bit in it because we.

Just a little.

Because last week we talked about the small things. And I started reflecting on where I was this time last year. And I was in a really bad spot. I think the way I articulated was I was standing on the edge of a cliff in my life. It was if a veil had been lifted and I could not unsee the fact that. That my fear and my inability to let go had just led to catastrophic consequences. So in that moment, it's like, fuck the small things. I'm in hell. I'm miserable. What? Yeah. I'm gonna be grateful right now. Sure, Jan, whatever. But then I flash forward to this year, and I had probably the best grilled cheese sandwich I've ever had in my entire life. And what do those two things have to do with each other? Absolutely nothing. But here's what was fascinating about it. I was like, this is. Damn it. This is one of those small things George was talking about. It was so good, I moved my laptop to the side and I devoted all of my attention to this little sandwich. And I was a week away from moving into my new apartment and all of these different things. And I was looking at the sandwich and I went, oh, well, sometime between this sandwich and this time last year, I went from unbearable emotional darkness in my life and crying myself to sleep almost every night to things being fine. And again, I could not have predicted that path. I could not have predicted that journey. And those are. Sometimes letting go is just like understanding I have to do the right thing no matter what is on the other side. And you just have to go.

Yeah.

So, George, let's talk a bit here about benefits and consequences. I know we've touched upon a few of the benefits already of learning how to let go. But what are those tangible benefits? And more importantly, what are the consequences of failing to put in this practice and this work?

Yeah. I could not cover all of the benefits or consequences in the time that we have left. But I will say this. I'm gonna probably hit three benefits and two consequences, because I think they're not that they're the Most important ones, but they're important ones. So listen, Learning to let go significantly reduces stress, anxiety. Liz, as you mentioned earlier in the podcast, panic attacks, I would say depression, leading to improved overall emotional health. So that's the first thing. Emotional health. By releasing these negative emotions that we hold on to and past grievances that are locked away in our brain, individuals us can experience greater peace, happiness and emotional resilience. And it enables us to navigate life's ups and downs. The sunshine, the rain that I talked about earlier, more effectively. Letting go of past hurts, grudges and unrealistic expectations can transform relationships. So that's number two. Like, do you want better? Effectively letting go of past hurts, grudges and unrealistic expectations can transform relationships. So that's number two. Like, do you want better, improved relationships in your life? Well then letting go probably is going to do it. As a matter of fact, it fosters forgiveness, understanding and compassion, allowing for healthier and more fulfilling connections with the others that you bring along for the ride or have in your life. This openness and vulnerability. Did I say vulnerability? Pave the way for deeper, more authentic relationships with the humans that we're actually doing this life with. The third thing that I'll mention is letting go is a catalyst for personal development. And so when you think about personal growth and freedom in your life, letting go encourages us as humans to break free from limiting beliefs. If you have not read the book, by the way, the Big Leap by Gay Hendricks and his portion on limiting beliefs, please buy all that is Holy, go to Audible, go to your bookstore, get the Big Leap. But overcoming these past dramas and embracing change, this liberation, if you will, from the past, or from fear or, or of the future itself, actually empowers us to live more fully, to live more in the present, to pursue our goals, to pursue our dreams and and to realize our own potential because we've gotten rid of the limiting beliefs that stood in our way. Probably one of the biggest life altering things around many of the conversations we're having is actually that book the Big Leap. So two consequences. One, if you do not let go, if you continue to hold on with both hands, I think that you'll end up realizing you lived a life with chronic stress and health issues. Holding on to negative emotions such as anger, resentment, fear, they can lead to chronic stress which is detrimental to physical health. This persistent stress, this hustle, this grind, this not letting things go can increase the risk of a metric butt ton of health problems, again, including heart disease. I mentioned hypertension, diabetes, mental Health disorders. I'm wondering if it's has anything to do with ra. And when we have these health issues, the problem is that it diminishes our overall quality of life. And when our overall quality of life is diminished, it's real hard to just. I just want to be happy. That's all I want. The other thing that I want to hit on consequences is this idea. When we fail to let go, it can trap us in the past, preventing us from moving forward. It can equal stagnantation or being stuck. It can equal missed opportunities because we're not willing to zig or zag or step out. It can lead to this idea that personal growth, happiness and fulfillment, it's not possible. It can literally hinder the progress. Since you brought up professional Liz. It can hinder progress in careers. It can hinder progress in relationships. It can hinder progress in the personal achievements that you're trying to reach in life, which then leads to a life that feels unfulfilled and unactualized, which, by the way, like, that's not a life beyond your default. That's not a life that equals happiness.

Well, what becomes possible then, though? Talk to me about that. What becomes possible in your beyond your default journey when you learn to truly let go?

I mean, listen, letting go really changes everything. It's like stepping out of an old familiar room into a whole new world where you get to rediscover who the heck you are. You get to try new things and you get to build deeper whatever it is that you're building by the way. You get to build deeper, more genuine connections. Like there's just so much that it's abundance, I would say even optimistic, happy, joyous. I mean, as you're listening to this, I want you to maybe close your eyes if you have to. But imagine your life not being held back by. By old fears or past mistakes anymore. Would you not feel lighter? See, that's what letting go can do. It helps you worry less, see things more clearly, and strengthens your relationships by being more real and more open, or as us marketers like to say, more authentic and vulnerable. That's the thing. If you can tie into those two words in your life being authentically you and vulnerable to the things that are going to come your way. Not to mention it gives you the strength to roll with life's punches and adapt to changes smoothly. Like I use that Bruce Lee. You can adapt because you're the water. You're not the wall. You're not the thing that the water is actually going into Letting Go helps you figure out what you really, really, really want in life. I feel like I could do a Spice Girls what you really. Anyway, never mind.

It's been the best episode effort.

Letting Go helps you figure out what you really want in life, which leads you to a path filled with happiness, appreciation, and a sense of fulfillment. It's about shifting from just reacting to life as it happens to living with intention, making choices that resonate with your deepest values. So, listeners, I would beg that you embrace Letting Go. To be honest, it's your ticket to a more joyful, fulfilling life where you grow, thrive, and find happiness in being truly yourself. Being truly yourself along this journey to a life beyond your default.