Weathering the Storm + Radical Acts of Stillness

If we extrapolate this idea of be still or being still, we should start to think about terms like be silent or take rest. Right? And I have to ask you right now, as you're listening to this podcast, how hard is it to be silent or be in silence? In our world today, with all the bells and dings and streaming and silence or being silent is super difficult, especially in a. A world where it's go, go, go, go, hustle, hustle, you can make it. You can do anything. And in a world where most of us humans complain about not having enough time, oh, time flies. Where'd the time go? Oh, I can't believe it's already February 2024. Well, then how powerful is rest when you're living in that world?

Welcome back to Beyond. You'd default. I'm your host, Liz Morehead, and as always, I am joined by George B. Thomas. George, I'm excited and nervous for today's episode because literally seconds before you hit the record button this morning, you very ominously said, I think we're going to get to the end of this episode today and say this was a really interesting episode. Which again, as the producer side of me, very excited, the emotional side of me wonders, oh, God, what am I about to get myself into?

Yeah, what roller coaster am I on for this morning? Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Well, let's dig right into this conversation today, because today we're talking about weathering the storm and probably one of my favorite turns of phrase that I've come up with in the past couple of years, which is. And radical acts of stillness.

Yes.

So, folks, what we're talking about today is the fact that when we think about possessing a growth mindset or adopting an owner's mentality in your own life or a victor mentality, things that we talk a lot about on beyond your default, I think we all make the understandable assumption that those mindsets involve focusing on our lives in a way that is productive, it is proactive, it emphasizes an importance of taking accountability, taking ownership, and taking the reins in your own life. And it reminds me of a couple of quotes, right, that we think about. Like one of my favorite maxims that I've heard and we've all heard, this is the the only thing necessary evil for triumph is for good men to do nothing. Or the only thing worse than failure is never trying or never doing something, or Theodore Roosevelt's quote of the only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything. But the question we're really getting into today, George, is Whether or not being proactive and busy and productive, always. Is that really always the best course of action? Especially in those moments where the proverbial ish hits the fan. You know what I mean? So you were beside yourself, George, literally, when we got off the mic last week, and you asked me to remind you what we were talking about this week, and I reminded you we were talking about radical acts of stillness. I watched you physically bounce up and down in your chair with excitement, and I want to hear why. Why are you so excited this week?

Yeah, Liz, I am actually really excited. So, first, I've chosen this podcast Journey, not to be Overly spiritual. So I just have to lay that out there, like, on purpose. I want this to be something that a lot of people can listen, learn, and go from. But I'm a spiritual guy, and I've always loved and maybe, maybe love. I love that word. But maybe it's better stated that I found comfort in Scripture, I.e. psalms 46:10. And Psalms 46:10 says, Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth. And the words be still are represented about seven times in the Bible, depending on the translation that you're reading, Liz. But if we extrapolate this idea of be still or being still, we should start to think about terms like be silent or take rest, right? And I have to ask you right now, as you're listening to this podcast, how hard is it to be silent or be in silence if our world today, with all the bells and dings and streaming and silence or being silent is super difficult, especially in a. A world where it's go, go, go, go, hustle, hustle. You can make it. You can do anything. And in a world where most of us humans complain about not having enough time, oh, time flies. Where'd the time go? Oh, I can't believe it's already February 2024. Well, then how powerful is rest when you're living in that world? Now, that's the first part. But second, when we're doing this, because. And I'm excited about this, and by the way, this is the vulnerable part of me right here. I've had glimpses, glimpses of this in my life, but I was excited because I want to dig deeper. I want to unlock more. And out of all the episodes, by the way, that we've done so far, this might be my most selfish. My most selfish topic that we've done so far, because I want the research, I want the time like we invest time in creating these episodes, which means we're investing time in ourselves so that we can invest the time in others. And so I was just like super excited. And here's the thing. Gandhi said there's more to life than increasing its speed. Really, somebody should let the rest of the world know that because I think people have forgotten this because it's about fast, fast, fast. Everything around us, Liz screams go, go, go. Not slow, slow, slow. Our modern society simply doesn't promote this kind of, and I love the word that you use, radical behavior. Right, Radical behavior in these radical moments of silence or stillness. As I was doing this and thinking about this in the research. Liz, have you ever, have ever driven in the mountains?

Yes.

Yeah. Okay. So listeners, I hope you've driven in the mountains because when you're driving in the mountains, it's a whole different new experience. You know, you're praying to God that there's guardrails in many of the situations when you're driving in mountains. And there's this thing called switchbacks because, you know, it's a left and a.

Right when you're zigzagging up the mountain.

Yeah, Yep. And here's the thing, what I want you to think about is if you've ever driven in a mountain scenario, you've prayed to God that there was, you know, guardrails on there. When we're headed up that type of mountain path to a life beyond our default, we have times that we're going to need to slow down. We're going to have times that we're going to need to be still. We may need to look at a map, we may need to strategize, we may need to refuel for the rest of the journey. But if we only go, go, go, go, ladies and gentlemen, we might drive completely off the road and crash right back down to where we started, where we were stuck. And listen, I don't want to crash. I'm sure you don't want to crash, listeners. I don't want you to crash. So, Liz, why this topic excited me. I was excited for the unpacking of what I've learned, the education of new ideas, tips, tricks, mindsets of just being able to be still, be silent, get this deeper version of rest. The future thought of rest and being silent and sitting still, just being still, knowing he is God. And Liz, you even talked about in the beginning there, you mentioned, take the reins and I'm like a Jesus, take the wheel. Like, listen, Tesla self driving car, right? Imagine if you had a Self driving life because you were taking time to be still, you were taking time to recharge, you're taking time and letting the realization of there's something that's going to navigate you along the path that you need to be on for life. L. This is why I'm excited.

I love that. You know, one of my favorite things about this topic for me personally is that this is probably one of the lessons, particularly in the past year or so, that I have learned, quote, unquote, the hard way. And it's had the most rewards out of it. You know, we have a lot of conversations about everything under the sun. We've talked about fear, we've talked about forgiveness, we've talked about self compassion, We've talked about the importance of relationships. But I share your excitement in this because I think sometimes, particularly in personal growth and development circles, and we touched upon this a little bit last week, like we're all looking for some sort of formula blueprint process framework, and we offer those up on this podcast every single week. But I think sometimes we get stumped when the answers are so simple. It can't just be that you can't. Are you telling me it's just shutting my flipping mouth and sitting still for five minutes? Like, really, really?

No.

I think that's what stymies us. And I think also it's. It's the balance that causes us a lot of challenges. You know, lack of moderation in anything is always going to be problematic. And that includes quote, unquote, productivity. That includes, quote, unquote, taking the reins. That includes, quote, unquote, constantly moving and grooving and shaking and doing all of the things and the stuff. But let's start our conversation in another open and vulnerable place. George, I want to hear about a time when you learned the hard way that action isn't always the best course of action. And what were the consequences?

Yeah, without a doubt. First of all, let me just put out there, the fact that you use stumped and stymied on this podcast episode.

Is actually, and it's not even 9am Good for us.

Come on. But back to your question. So by. By the way, I learn a lot of things the hard way. I swear to God, I don't. I don't know why. But man, I do know why. I'm hard headed. I'm stubborn. So the story that I'm going to tell, it was early in my career and I may have told this on previous episodes of the podcast. I don't remember. But I think if you're a first time listener. You're going to get value out of this. And it does definitely go with this conversation that we're having today. And it was early in my career and Liz, I was really focused on becoming great. Great at who I was, great at what I was doing, great in the eyes of others. And if I paint this picture, it was like, hustle your face off. I was watching a lot of Gary V. I was working for Marcus Sheridan. I was doing a ton of trainings. Each week we were doing workshops. I was flying over the planet speaking, and we had started to put together this idea of a HubSpot intensive workshop. And we were gonna like get people to come to a location. And I was trying to get all like the catering and the hotel and then nobody bought tickets. I had spent $12,000 of a deposit for. I have never told this story, by the way. I spent $12,000 in hotel deposits. Nobody signed up. I'm hustling my face off. I'm focused on being the greatest HubSpot trainer on planet Earth and a professional speaker. And all of that came crashing down because I basically had what would be maybe a heart attack or a mini stroke. They said that it was neither during the time frame. But, you know, this is the story where I'm in my closet, I'm sweating profusely. My daughter walks in and says, daddy, I don't want you to die. And I'm like, I'm not gonna go anywhere. But EMS got there, my blood pressure was through the roof. And here's where the being still getting some rest, learning the hard way comes in is as they are wheeling me out to the ambulance, I looked back at my wife and I said, I don't have time for this. I've got a meeting in 10 minutes. And my wife let me sit in the hospital for three and a half days. And she wouldn't bring me a computer and she wouldn't bring me my phone. She came and visited me at least, even though I was stupid as all get out with that comment.

It's a miracle she didn't kill you and finish the job.

But when you have three and a half days to sit in a hospital and do nothing and not be able to be in your natural environment and literally have a detox of everything that you thought was important in life, that's a whole different level of being still. That's a whole different level of rest. That's the ability to look at your life and say, what the frick am I doing? And what do I want to do when I move forward. And I'll be honest with you, that moment in time, the three and a half days, was one of the dramatic catalyst moments of my life where I started to realize I should probably start to tell my stories. I should probably share the things that have been happening along the way.

Oh, my God. Okay, can we point out. Can we point out the fact that in those three and a half days, your immediate lesson was, huh, maybe I should slow down. It was, how can I create content out of this? I just want to point that out. I think that's adorable, and this is why we love you.

But here's the thing. Like, I did change, right? And I want people to realize out of that stillness, there was an understanding. Out of that stillness, there was a change. Because in that stillness, there was reflection. Just pack that in your brain. Because I purposely use the words in and out of. In the time that was spent, out came the things. But, yeah, three and a half days, very hard lesson. And still on my medical record, they. It. It says that I had a mini stroke. But, like, I was like, no, I was told that I didn't have a heart attack or a stroke. So I don't know what you guys are talking about right now. Every time I talk to a doctor, this ends up coming up as a thing.

That's so strange. You know what I find fascinating about your story is it reminds me of something. Somebody very smart told me this. And of course, that means I can't remember who told me this.

I love that.

Whomever you are, universal smart person. Thank you. It reminds me that often those moments will come after you have ignored blatantly obvious warning signs where life or the universe or your body or whomever it is that you believe in has repeatedly raised a red flag and said, you, hey, you need to take a break. And you just go blowing by like, hey, I got ish to do. I gotta keep going. I gotta keep moving. Here's what will happen. They will come, collect. So sometimes it behooves us to take breaks of our own volition.

Yes.

Before the universe smashes the brakes on our behalf. And then we don't have a choice. Which I find fascinating. So let's talk about a time, though, when you finally put stillness into action proactively. And how that went.

Yeah, I love that you leaned into this, like, a time when I finally did it, because it has been, like, a lesson along the way. And like I said at the beginning, like, of this episode, I feel like I'm still working on this. So is it stuck? Do I put it in action? Kind of. Right. I'll be honest with you. And I'm going to kind of merge a couple things together pre owning a business. One of the reasons I loved going on cruises is because I could brick my phone. Okay? Meaning I could almost detox for the three, five or seven days that we are on a cruise. Heck, even this latest cruise, Liz, I took my. As a business owner, I took my laptop because I told everybody I'm going to be checking emails in the morning and in the evening and I have my computer if needed. I check my emails in the morning, in the evening on my phone as almost just a filtering the junk out because I'll get to the stuff that when I get back home. And a dirty little secret is I never took my laptop out of my bag. I never looked at it.

Sly dog.

I never took it out once. Now that's surface level. So the question really is like, when did you finally put stillness in? Or how do you put stillness in your life? This might sound simple or basic or not important to some. I hope you can understand what was going on in the moment as I tell this story on the last cruise, same one that I didn't take my laptop out of the bag. One of the ports that we went to was Saint Kitts. And in Saint Kitts we did this tour where they were driving us around in Jeeps and we got to this toppest of top mountains at Saint Kitts and we got to walk up this mountain and there's a home that's up there and you can overlook the valley and. And there's a, you know, a group of us there and we're on the deck of this house and we're overlooking the valley and the guy's doing his shtick and it starts to rain. I walk away from the crowd. I go over to the side of the house. Now they're under the decking where they're not getting rained on. I go off the deck over to the side of the house and stand in the grass that is there and I open my arms up and I look up at the sky out to this valley and I just let it rain on me. I think about the view that I'm seeing and I think about the feeling of the rain falling on me and the refreshing refreshness of it. And I think about the blessings of being able to even be in that space and time. And while everybody else is worried about that, it's raining and they're running back to the jeep. And there's probably multiple people in that group that are like, oh, our trip's ruined that. Why did it have to rain today? I'm in the moment. I'm being still. I'm reflecting on the life that has gotten me to the point where I could even be there with my entire family and my mom and my stepdad and just. And I'm thanking, I'm thanking like in the moment, the universe in the moment. And so like it doesn't have to be this ultra programmed every morning for 30 minutes. It doesn't have to be this like regimented, you know, you don't have to feel guilty. It was just, I felt that this is what I wanted and should do. I listened and I went and did it. And that was the moment. That was the silence, that was the rest. That was the refuel on the mountain of St. Kitts in a tropical jungle, rain falling down and enjoying every freaking moment of it. What about you, Liz? Was there a time when you finally put stillness into your life?

Yes. It's very different from yours. So I think we're going to be providing a nice spectrum here. We didn't share what stories we were going to be talking about. Not at all going in a completely different direction.

I love it.

Well, two things are true about me. Number one, I am the poster child of wow, that hot stove looks hot. I should touch it again. Like, I'm definitely that girl. There's nothing more I love than a hard lesson learned. I am hard headed, I am obstinate, I am stubborn like it is. It is baked into my DNA. That is one part of me. But there is another part of me that if I listen to my intuition, I know not when to put my foot on the gas. I think the most important thing I've gotten good at is learning to take my foot off when I'm not supposed to be doing something. Have you ever seen the Truman Show, George?

Oh, yes.

So one of my favorite things about that movie is the scene where Truman is starting to wonder what lies beyond. And the production studio is like, well, we can't have him doing that. So all of these weird things start happening, right? All of a sudden the street gets a little more crowded, the bridge catches on fire, there's a freak accident. Like there are all of these weird things where on their own, I guess they make sense. But so many things are happening all at once for his path to become blocked that it makes no sense for him to go. Now in the context of Truman, they were blocking his escape. And he needed to push through and like do the thing. And that's what he did. Spoiler alert. If you haven't seen this movie from 1997 or whenever it was, I'm so sorry, I've broken your cinematic.

Go watch it.

Like go. It's great. I've noticed, however, that there are moments in life where if things kind of start piling up, I'm going against a current in a way that I'm not supposed to be going. So I'll give you an example. Last year, you know, we've talked about my divorce and all of that stuff. Last year there were a lot of things that happened all at once. And I made the decision. I am not going to make any permanent life decisions right now. I'm not going to do it. I am going to stay focused on my business. I am not going to make choices where I'm locked into any sort of long term lease. I am not making any big choices right now. Because one of the biggest lessons I had to learn last year as someone who is learning her own identity for the first time, somebody who is connecting with herself for the first time, someone who spent most of her life making decisions about things based on what she thought other people wanted. So I got to the point where I would look in the mirror and I didn't know if I was wearing an outfit because I actually wanted to or or if it was somehow influenced by what I thought other people wanted for me. Like I was in a pretty bad spot. And so I chose that act of prolonged stillness where, you know, I was still moving forward day to day. I was making day to day decisions, but I had intentionally opted out of making anything permanent. And it bothered a lot of people. You know, I made the decision to temporarily relocate to Connecticut just so I was in a new neutral space where I could heal. But I wouldn't tell people where I was going to be permanently staying. I wouldn't tell people what I had planned for. Later that year, people were shocked that most of my things were still in storage. Like, I decided to live in a state of complete neutrality while I focused on healing, while I focused on trauma counseling, while I focused on relearning how to make healthy decisions for myself. So why did I bring up the Truman Show? This is where it gets really fascinating. So again, do I like hot stove touching? A hundred percent. But I've gotten very good at noticing when things crop up and I'm supposed to wait a little longer. So last October, around my birthday, you remember this, I started Feel I started coming back alive again. I started feeling like myself again, but also for the first time. And I remember I told you when we were having one of our human time conversations, like, all right, sad girl, summer's over. Time to start getting back in the saddle. Time to start making decisions again. Let's do this. And I thought, you know what? I think I'm probably going to stay up here in Connecticut. I think that's probably what I'm going to be doing. So I go out there into the world and I start trying to get an apartment. In theory, not something that should be difficult. I had the money, I had the credit score, everything was fine. Three times in a row, I put down a deposit on an apartment and get a phone call three days later. Oh, so sorry. We. This apartment was actually already rented out. You shouldn't have been able to see it. Not once, not twice, thrice. Like, what? Fine, I guess I'll go to a complex. So I go and look at a complex. Everything is available except what I need. And what I need will not be available for another three to four months. Fine, I'll go to the S hole, tiny town that I lived in the first time when I lived in Connecticut, and I will just get an apartment to. So, by God, I can have my own space again. Because I've been doing a short term rental in downtown New Haven, near Yale. Oh, we have something available. Just kidding. We don't. We do have something available, though, but it's double the price of what you're looking to pay. I'm starting to get frustrated and it's getting to the point where I'm like, I just need something. And then finally I went, you're Truman.

Oh.

And then all of a sudden, my intuition, which had been screaming at me for a few weeks, was like, effing. Finally you're paying attention. And I had this overwhelming sense of, wait, there is an opportunity coming. You do not have all the information. And I had this weird moment where I went, by the end of New Year's Day, I'm going to know what I'm going to do. New Year's Day, I travel down to Maryland. I'm hanging out with some very dear friends of mine, John and Kathleen Booth. Oddly enough, I said yes to a run on New Year's Day that I would have never done had I not started pouring energy back into myself. Because one of the things I'd really been focusing on was my health, especially at the end of last year. So because I was in better shape, I ended up on this run, I got an apartment offer in downtown Annapolis, the place I swore I was probably never going to move back to because of what happened. And all of a sudden, within two hours of New Year's Day, a completely organic conversation that I could not have foreseen occurred in which I was given three different opportunities. And. And I felt my intuition go, this is what you were waiting for. You did not have all the facts. And so it was this weird thing where it's like I needed to take the time to heal in order to make sound decisions for myself. And I ended up surprising myself by realizing it was time for me to go home, that it wasn't time for me to rebuild in a brand new place. And then because I waited and listened to my intuition, I could have forced myself into a lease somewhere. Like, there is no possible way that every single apartment in the state of Connecticut would have like, I would have found something, my pig headed self would have found something. But because I stuck to it, I ended up making the one decision I never thought I would make. And I'm incredibly happy that I'm doing it. So that's my story.

I have to unpack a couple things off of that before we move forward. So because just the way my brain works. I heard you were trying to make a decision without the data. And I also heard Jesus, take the wheel, like in that little bit, like, oh my God, the stream that you're supposed to be going down, the car that is trying to drive you to your destination. But more importantly than both of those, I heard you say these words first time. And listeners, if you have to rewind it probably three to five times. Liz, you said the words first time and I just want you to know that that is so powerful and I am so proud of you. Because anytime that you can realize that it's something that you're changing for the first time around or about you and how you believe in yourself or the direction that you're willing to take yourself, it's just powerful and I'm proud of you. The other thing I have to unpack is you said the word intuition. Listeners, I have to ask you a question. When it comes to intuition, do you hear it? Do you listen for it? And if and when you can hear it, do you take action on what you heard? Or are you living a life right now that you Spotify, Netflix or the next air quotes greatest thing it out of your life. Because intuition is super powerful and you can get more in tune with your intuition when you do what we're talking about today, and that's taking the time to be still. So being still, getting the rest, being silent. There's that option. Or I'll ask you again to reflect on life. Are you on the treadmill of life, but going nowhere important? Maybe it's time to be still.

I love the intuition comment that you made. And it's so funny you brought up spirituality at the beginning of this. And I know our listeners. We have a global audience. That is what, across 25 different countries?

I think 32 now, by the way.

Folks who are listening right now, we understand that you come from a cross section of cultures and spiritual identities or secular identities. And that's something that should be celebrated. And we love that. Which is also why I want to share this. When some people hear intuition, they think of that as their connection with God or they think of it as something more spiritual or secular. I haven't decided yet. And I say this as someone who is spiritual. Like, I'm Catholic. I go to church, I do all these things, but I haven't decided what my intuition is. So if you haven't decided either, might I suggest you take up my moniker, which is the inner cupcake. She is squirrely. She is loud. Because it was so funny when you said, do you listen to your intuition? The reason why I made a face when you asked that question is that when I actually got in touch with my intuition, I started feeling it physically within my body. When I. When I have moments where my intuition is yelling at me, I usually feel it emanating from my gut, which is why I call it a cupcake. The baked goods reside there. I just feel this, like, big surge within my body of like, you aren't listening. Pay attention. No, stop it. Anyway, I just thought that was funny.

Yeah. By the way, if I use the Jesus takes the wheel or if you listen retroactive and think about the times, listen, I don't care if you think about Yahweh or Carrie Underwood. I'm just saying, jesus, take the wheel. Whichever. All right, let's move on.

So question for you. What is the difference between purposeful stillness and immobilized passivity? That's gonna bite you in the ass later on, because knowing the difference is critical.

Yeah, this was like, one of those scary questions. Sometimes you'll throw, like, one or two of the scary questions in there. But listen, purposeful stillness, One, it's proactive. Two, it's a beneficial practice. And. And it's beneficial and proactive, and it enhances our mental clarity as humans. Leans into emotional well being of ourselves, leading to better decision making and actions as we move forward. Okay, I'll talk about that. And I'll take more of that in my life all day, every day. By the way, if I can be proactive, beneficial, enhance my mental clarity, focus on my emotional well being. Yep, give me all of that all the time. In contrast, Liz, when you're talking about this immobilized passive passivity. Holy mackerel. And I do podcasts, people.

You're welcome.

Yes, thanks for those. That tongue twister. Retroactive state of inaction. Retroactive. Proactive, reactive. Retroactive. Right. Which can lead to negative outcomes and hinder personal growth and productivity. Well, last time I checked, this is a personal growth podcast. Since we're here on a personal growth podcast, I'd say that's going to be a no for me, dog. Like, I'm not trying to do the second. I'll take the first, please. More of that. Not to mention, I'm a big fan of. Of productivity. Now, remember I mentioned this is a scary part. Look, scary question. Here's the fun part. How do we have productivity and stillness together? That's where my brain went. I'm like, well, that's interesting. I mean, is that even possible? To have productivity and stillness together versus the go, go, go bull in a china closet, go fast and break stuff most of us actually subscribe to in our professional and personal lives. But we'll dig a little bit deeper. How do you know you haven't fallen into this immobilized passivity, but instead have actively achieved purposeful stillness? Okay, so there are a couple things. One, purposeful stillness is intentional and conscious. It's a deliberate choice that you're making. It involves actively deciding to pause and engage in moments of quiet. Saint Kitts, I actively paused and engaged in moment of quiet reflection meditation. It's about creating space for mental clarity, emotional calm and rejuvenation. Powerful stillness is about being productive and beneficial. This type of stillness, when we implement in our life, is used as a tool for personal growth, stress reduction, and enhanced decision making. I'm sitting in the hospital for three and a half days. I had some personal growth. I had to do some stress reduction because my freaking blood pressure was out the roof. I had some enhanced decision making because I knew what I wanted to do when, when and if I got out of that hospital room. It often leads to increased creativity, better problem solving abilities, and improved mental health. Purposeful stillness is about dynamic and engaging or being dynamic, even though it involves being still. It's a mentally active state. You might be reflecting, contemplating, practicing mindfulness. It's about being present in the moment, exercise, and engaging with your inner self. I'm pretty sure we might have done a podcast that talks about that. And also, last but not least, here, it leads to a positive action. Purposeful stillness often precedes or enhances actions. It's used to gain insight and clarity, which then informs and improves the future actions and decisions that you'll make. Now, if you take that list and you use it as your guard rails, like when we're going up that mountain pass, if you're not feeling or seeing those things, ladies and gentlemen, you might be in the trap of immobilized passivity. Just saying.

I love that. The thing that immediately came to mind when you posited that question of is there such a thing as productive stillness? My answer is yes, because immediately what came to mind is One of the lessons that involved a few roundabouts with a hot stove that has now stood me in good stead is just because you know something doesn't mean you need to do something. And just because you think you know something doesn't mean you know everything.

That's a life masterclass right there.

Again, these are lessons I'm continuing to learn over and over and over again. Of course it's productive. I think we have to remove the illusions of what we believe productivity to be. Because I think when we think of productivity, we think of the expending of energy. We think movement, we think activity, we think we think the proof of productivity instead of what is actually productive. I mean, think about the most powerful civil rights movements in our country and in others. They came from acts of stillness. They came from acts of non violence, they came from acts of non reactivity. We make the most powerful and loud statements when we do not react. That's why I love this idea of radical acts of stillness. You can have the loudest revolutions, the loudest voice in the room, by not being the one who engages loudly, by not allowing forces around you to force action. Making decisions from a place of purpose instead of I mean, think about the conversation we had. I can't remember if it was last week's episode or the or the episode prior. Forgive me, but we talked about the idea of how we joke. Feelings aren't facts unless they are right. The challenge of sitting with uncomfortable feelings the reason why we talked so much about the ability to sit with uncomfortable feelings is that because in the moment when those feelings arise in our body, we are having a reaction and we don't necessarily understand why I'm feeling angry. Well, why are you feeling angry and taking the time to sit down and unpack what is actually happening within ourselves? Or maybe it's more circumstantial like the experience I shared earlier. I was being still in some ways, right? I was being still in that I wasn't making big life decisions, I wasn't choosing where to live. But I was also doing a lot of self work. I was going to therapy and lots of it. I was trying to wake up every morning and learn how to breathe in and out every day without feeling like the sky was falling. I was in a lot of pain. So often stillness in one area of our life allows us to be active in an underserved area or something different. So question for you. What are you doing internally? I know you've started talking about this a little bit, but I'd love to get more into the internal machinations here. What are you during doing during your times of stillness? What purpose have you found inaction serves for you?

Yeah, the thing before I answer that, that we have to understand that moments of stillness because again, people may just immediately jump knee jerk reaction to something. A moment of stillness could be 30 seconds. A moment of stillness could be 30 minutes. A moment of stillness could Be three hours. So just realize when I talk about these, there's these micro versions and there's these macro versions of being still and what's happening in them. And I'm pretty sure that I'll share another story along the way when we get there. But to answer your question, Liz, usually I'm thinking because there's nothing else to do. There's no bebop boops, there's no TV streaming, there's no music on. I'm just like in my brain. So I'm thinking now I'm thinking about things like did that just happen or did that happen the way I thought it did? Or is that thing that historically happened actually impacting me today? Or I'm thinking forwardly, like a 30 second micro version of this is. Did she really just say that to me? I want to punch her in the face. But maybe that's not the best thing that I should do. Maybe that's not the thing I should say. And so there's the proactive. Like a moment of silence, ladies and gentlemen, you've heard this of count to 10. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Like a moment of silence before you actually make that knee jerk reaction as you move forward many times when it's a Moment of silence. And again. Could be 30 seconds, could be 30 minutes. I'm probably praying, lord, give me the wisdom, give me the power, give me the peace that passes all understanding. Show me the direction. Am I supposed to turn left or right here? I'm actively seeking for advice from the universe or saying thank you. Like, hey, listen, we did an episode on being a blessing bomber. I've been being a blessing bomber, and I have been being blessed. So there needs to be moments of just like, thank you. Many times I'm dreaming, meaning I haven't fallen asleep and I'm taking a hearty nap. I mean, I'm dreaming, like, what could be next? What is possible? Where could we go? And I'm just thinking about the future and I'm dreaming. And I'll use the word scheming, but in all the possible ways that it could be a positive statement. More times than not, I'm probably practicing. And this is something I picked up. I think I was like 10 or 11 years old. I was watching a show, or it might have been my dad that was telling me this. I can't remember exactly where it came from, but I remember the story of that. Them talking about Olympics, and it was downhill ski jump, the ski jump thing where the guys just fly forever. And, like, they're leaning over their skis and they would talk about how they would sit there and they would envision the jump and practice the jump and envision the jump, meaning practicing in their brain. Like, they would see themselves going down the slope. They would see the takeoff from the jump, they would see themselves leaning over their skis. And because they would make it mentally perfect, they would practice it in their brain. I don't know what it was, but I just grabbed onto that and I started running scenarios and practicing things in my brain before I even got to the thing. The amount of times I practice a talk before I get on stage, it's probably obnoxious to most humans. But, like, I'm in there in my brain, like, thinking about it many times. I'm listening. I'm listening for that intuition. I'm listening for that still small voice. I'm listening for how do I really feel or think about a thing and list. There's other times where I'm just accepting. I'm accepting who I am, I'm accepting where I'm at, whatever it is. And so literally, those are kind of the mixed bag of, like, thinking, praying, dreaming, practicing, listening, accepting this thing that is life, this thing that is the journey, this thing that we're all on. That's what happens in my brain. I know it's weird, but Liz, what about your brain? Like, when you get intentional and you're having these moments of stillness or silence, like, what's happening?

As a part of the answer to that question, I really want to applaud you for pointing out something really important there, which is the distinction of, you know, you and I have been talking about prolonged moments of stillness in, in some cases, in my example, months long.

Right.

But there are also these micro moments. So the reason why I want to point that out is to answer your question. We've talked about this before. I have a daily meditation practice that I'm trying to do better with. I'm working on it. You know, we're baby stepping, we're doing the work. But one of the reasons why that practice is so important to me, it's one of the reasons why even if I'm not perfect at it, I will never give it up. I have been, at the very least meditating four to five times a week for almost a year. And the reason why is because I couldn't even begin to tap into the power of stillness until I was just able to sit with my own thoughts. And that's one of probably the most productive things that comes out of these moments of stillness for me. Because if we're taking us out of the examples that I've given so far where it's like these are very circumstantial, what was the purpose of that prolonged moment of stillness? Healing, ladies and gentlemen. Healing and learning to look in the mirror and see myself and not just a big pile of trauma. Right? That was the purpose of that one. But if we're talking about the day to day, really developing a practice, it's like running, it's like lifting weights. Stillness, in a way, is its own muscle that you have to cultivate and flex and strengthen. Because if you have spent so much of your life running and running and running the way I had, I didn't know how to sit still because every time I sat still and alone with my thoughts, I was effing terrified. That was how I ended up building a life that I thought was perfect on paper but was actually a prison. I stopped listening to my feelings. I stopped being willing to listen to my intuition. Because anytime it got still, what it was telling me was freaking out. My intuition for years was screaming at me like the call is coming from inside the house. Something is very wrong. Everything is wrong. But I would double down and double down and double down and be productive. And so much of it was because I did not have that daily practice of learning of just how to sit with my feelings and not be scared of them and not be afraid.

Yeah, like, I'm literally getting a mental thing of like, oh, man, you have to get the witches, the goblins and the cobwebs out of your brain. Like, ladies and gentlemen, are you, are you able to be your own safe space? Like, if you take nothing else from this podcast, if you are not able to be your own safe space, then you need radical moments of stillness and silence and get the broom out, get the mop out, call freaking Ghostbusters, whatever. You got a therapy, by the way, That's Ghostbusters. Whatever you got to do, if you're going to go on this journey of beyond your default, you have to be able to be your own safe space.

So, George, how do you know when stillness is the right choice? So here's the thing. Stillness is great, but there are times where, like, if I were to ask you a question, George, and you're like, hold on a second, got to be still a bit, George, we need to make a decision. Like, stillness is not always the right choice. So how do you know when it is?

Well, this is where we bump into that when we've been talking about for the last, like, I don't know, over 45 minutes about stillness, that it's like, we're not talking about being laziness. We didn't say radical laziness, we said radical stillness. And so knowing when stillness is the right choice often involves turning into your own mental, emotional and physical cues, which, based off of what you just heard and the goblins and the witches and the cobwebs. That's why I'm saying it's so important. And two, again, in episode 10, we talked about how important a relationship with knowing yourself is. Go back to that episode, episode 10, if you're like, yeah, I need the witches and goblins and cobwebs to go away. Episode 10, Just Go Listen to it. But back to your question that was, how do you know when stillness is a right choice? Are you feeling stressed or overwhelmed? Like, if you're in life feeling like high stress levels, feeling overwhelmed by what's happening or your thoughts, emotions, listen, Stillness can provide a much needed break. It allows you to step back, clear your mind and reduce that anxiety. That might be like just knocking at the front door or the back door, either one, if you're in life and you are in a decision making moment, like we're talking really important decisions. Especially like if you're feeling conflicted or uncertain about a decision that you need to make. A moment of stillness can help. It allows you to quiet the noise of external opinions and internal conflict, enabling you to connect with your intuition. We've mentioned that already on this podcast and make more grounded decisions. By the way, I realized I do a lot of fun things when I'm on ships, because it was on a ship, it was on a cruise ship when I actually made one of the biggest decisions in my life and that was to start a business. And I took half a day looking out a window, looking at the ocean with a notepad so that I could get rid of internal conflict. I could put at bay external opinions that I feel like family members would have of like, you're leaving safety and security and you're not going to have a 401k and you how are you going to have insurance, like decision making moment. I needed stillness. If you're physically or emotionally exhausted, yo homie, take a break. It might help you recharge your energy, provide a sense of emotional balance. Because if you're like emotionally exhausted, you ain't making good or probably right decisions. I alluded to this when I said the count to 10 earlier. But like before reacting in conflict, in moments of conflict or high emotion, choose stillness before responding, count to 10, count to 20. But it can prevent the escalation and it can lead to more thoughtful things that are probably better said than I hate you. You always do that to whatever it is. I don't know your arguments. You only know your arguments. Insert whatever you've usually heard or said in there. Actually, maybe the before reacting conflict should have been the first one I mentioned. It maybe should have been the first one for some of the anyway, but at least we mentioned here, if you're seeking personal growth, we're on a personal growth podcast for the second time. I think I've said that. If you're on a personal development journey, regular stillness. This is why we talk about, you know, morning routines and we talked about just sitting there and actually being able to like use an app or be still, meditate, right? Because we're on this personal growth journey. It allows us to assess our progress. How far have we come since 2013, since 2012, since whenever you started your journey. It helps us realign our goals, where we're trying to actually get to in the future, and acknowledge the areas of where we're coming from and where we're going and the changes that are needed for our life. I don't know about you, Liz. I know this has happened in my life. Sometimes you just feel disconnected. It might come out like man. Things just aren't clicking quite right. You may have said that in your life. But if you feel disconnected from yourself, your environment, others, stillness can help foster a more profound sense of connection and presence. By the way, there were seven of these.

I love you. And your list never change.

The seventh one is, listen. It might be a spiritual practice for you. And I'm not even saying a religious. It could be religious, it could be spiritual. They are different. But for those engaging in spiritual practices, stillness is often essential for deepening one's spiritual journey. Praying, listening, mindfulness, awareness of, like, the universe, the ecosystem, or whatever it is that happens to be around you. Being still or stillness is often the right choice when you need clarity, peace, rejuvenation, deeper, deeper connection with yourself, your surroundings, your journey, your creator, whatever it be. It's about listening to your body, mind and spirit and recognizing when pausing can be more beneficial than continuous action. Listen, I'm gonna say it. You don't always have to go, go, go. You don't have to always go, go, go.

George, you know this is recorded, and I can play this back to you, right?

I know, I know. I'm gonna. I should probably just put it on my soundboard. You don't have to always go, go, and just, like, play it every morning.

I love that. You know, this ties in very nicely to my next question, which is you don't always have to go, go, go. But at some point, you do have to start go, go, going again. You can't just be like, hold on. I'm in a purposeful act of stillness. George and Liz told me to be radically still. Yes, ma'. Am. You have been radically still for months now. When do you know it's time to start taking action again? Because inaction. At some point, we must accept it as temporary. At some point, the. You may move into another radical act of stillness. That's fine. But at some point, you have to move from inaction to action in some way.

Yeah, I think recognizing when it's time to make that transition point from stillness to action, it's like. It's actually a crucial part of what we're talking about today. Because the stillness, whether they be daisy chained together or moments or days apart, they should be temporary, purposeful states, not just this, like, everlasting thing. I mean, in this case, where my brain goes, is it being still is a setup for the future? Come up based on what we're doing or thinking about during that downtime. So to answer your question, like, I need clarity. Clarity emerges. Sweet. Move on. Start taking action on that clarity. You feel recharged because you are exhausted. Great. Now that you're refueled dry, ease on down that road. Like, keep on going. We mentioned intuition a lot of times on this podcast, but if you get this intuitive nudge and you know it's just time to move on out, take action. Listen, I'd be remiss if I didn't say, like, you have freaking responsibilities if responsibility calls and you've got to get work done or your wife wants you to take the trash out or whatever the responsibility disability looks like you just are setting yourself up for success.

So are you telling me that if I show up to our weekly staff meeting and I'm like, george, I'm sorry I didn't get this done. I was being purposefully. Still, that probably won't fly.

I mean, that'll be a very interesting conversation, much like this podcast. But last, last but not least, I'll just mention here, balance and rhythm. Listen. Life is a balance of action and inaction. Recognizing the natural rhythm or flow of this balance in your life can guide you when to switch between the two. So, again, aligning yourself with just kind of understanding the whole Carrie Underwood, Jesus, take the wheel moment again, if you will. Intuition is powerful tool for personal and professional growth, especially when it's done purposefully and when it's used for reflection. However, the ultimate goal is to use the insights, the energy, and the clarity gained during stillness to inform and enhance the actions that you move forward. So all of this, by the way, being still should lead to something, something known, something being done, and the transaction back to action. Feel natural, timely, guided both by internal awareness and your external circumstances. If you take those five things that I mentioned and blend them all together.

It's funny, you know, I love the intuition thing and the fact that you brought that back up, because the example that I really have of this here, you know, I'll close a loop on a story that I started with last week, which was your girl Liz was prepping to ask someone out on a date.

Yep.

So what's interesting about that is that I had actually decided that I wanted to do that last year. I had decided I wanted to. Yep. Right after my birthday in late October. I knew. I was like, oh, God, it's a very classic. Like, he's been my friend for a really long time. He's the guy who's always been there, like, all that stuff, right? And when I figured that out, I thought, oh, my God, I need to tell him. So I actually saw him in November, and I was all prepared. I'm like, I'm going to ask him today. I'm going to ask him today. And then as I was driving to his house to go see him. We're really close friends and we hang out a lot. All of a sudden, my little inner cupcake was like, not today, bitch. Today is not the day. And everything. My body was like, no, but I'm ready. I know I want to do this. And she's like, you will not be doing this today. You will not be doing this today. And I show up, and I can't tell you, like, there was nothing that happened that day that was particularly remarkable. We had a great time hanging out, like we always do. But when I got there, I was like, I'm not supposed to ask him today. And it turned out, for me at least, I realized, and I see this now in hindsight, I had to do a little bit more baking. Personally. I had to do a little bit more of decision making for. For myself, by myself. There were still Liz. Things that needed to be done. It was hard for me because I walked out and I said, he is a great guy. Waiting increases the risk that somebody else is going to figure this out before I'm able to get this done. But it was the right call. And then last week, that little intuition bug woke up and went, okay, now I'm like, I'm moving back in, like, two and a half weeks. Can't I just wait? And, nope, we are going now. We're doing it live, folks. We are doing it right now. And so I texted him and I said, this is not an emergency, but can you give me a call when you can? It was the same day that I mentioned it on the podcast, because once I make a big, scary decision, I have to tell people in order to hold myself accountable. And also, it's usually a little litmus test of if I say this out loud enough, does it feel right? Does it feel good? Does it. Like, it's almost like an intuition test in my gut of like, is this the thing I should be doing right now? And every part of my body was like, yes, absolutely, you should be doing this. So I texted him. He called me a couple hours later. The first time I asked him, I didn't get the words out correctly. So his reply was, what do you mean? I'm like, wait, what do you mean? No I am asking you out on a date. Would you like to go out on a date with me? It was very abrupt and aggressive, which is me. He said yes. So it worked out.

There you go.

But it's just kind of funny how that works out because I think to my own question of, like, how do you know when it's time to start taking action again? You will start to feel when you are deferring versus being purposefully still. You will have that nudge internally if you are listening for it and you know it's there. I think a lot of us know when we're supposed to be doing stuff, we just have to learn more how to do it. Scared. Okay, I have a couple more questions before we wrap up this conversation. We could literally be sitting here all day talking about this. But. But there are two things I want to get to before we wrap up. First, number one, how do you handle it when folks react poorly to your choice to not take action where they want a reaction or a decision out of you when you're not ready to give it?

Yeah, listen. Handling any situation where others react poorly to your choice of inaction, especially when, like, they desire want for their purpose from you, it requires a blend of assertiveness, sticking to, like. Nope. Like your. Your story. Nope. Not yet. Empathy and clear communication. So I'm going to keep this very succinct when I think about this. Stay calm and centered. You are you. They are them. Just stay calm and centered. And when you're ready to move forward, move forward. When you do move forward, communicate clearly so people understand the thing that it is that you're trying to say. We did an episode on boundaries. Have those boundaries set. But if they're not set yet, set those boundaries around what you're willing or not willing to do, share or take action upon. And bottom line is because they're still going to kind of be maybe hurt, dissatisfied, struggling, frustrated. Show empathy. Like, understand where they're at, understand what they need, but also understand that you're going to stay calm. You'll communicate it when you're ready and you have your boundaries in place. That's the four things. That's it.

I love that. One of my favorite ways to handle this situation, because I'm a talker.

No.

Is that. No. What are you talking about, Liz? Oh, my God. Are we surprised? Kill surprise, my petite fromage. Anyway, one of the things I like to do, and this is something I think I said in the last episode in a different context, which is that if somebody's pushing you advocate for yourself. I understand you are looking for an answer from me right now. That is precisely what I want to do. And this is language I've actually used, which is, I know you are looking for a response from me right now. I empathize with the fact of how urgent this is or how important this is to you. And because I respect you and what you're asking of me, please understand that I am setting the conditions for me to give you a measured response, a thoughtful answer to your question. This is the time I need in order to do that. And they either respect that or they don't. And you. If they. If they're still upset about it, then, you know, you say, hey, I get it. I can't give you what you're looking for right now, but I will. And as soon as I can, I will let you know. I mean, the reality is, you just need to tell people. You just need to do that. All right, final question. George.

Yeah.

Why is learning to be still, learning how to allow moments to pass, such a critical part of beyond your default journey?

Yeah. So learning to be still and allowing moments to pass is a critical part of this, beyond your default journey that we're all on for several reasons. And if you haven't had a notepad out this entire time, please buy all that is holy. Now is the time. Number one, by the way, we're going to do five real quick so we can get you back to your regularly scheduled day one. Enhance self awareness. Taking moments of stillness will foster deeper self awareness, and we've done podcast episodes on this. It helps us understand our true motivations, fears, desires, often masked by the noise of. Of our freaking busy lives. This understanding is crucial for personal growth, your personal growth, and your choices, and the choices that align with who we are as authentic humans. Number two, Cultivating mindfulness. Being still teaches mindfulness, the ability to be fully present in a moment. Turn your phone off, flip it over, throw it in the toilet, I don't care. Whatever you got to do, be present in the moment. This skill, cultivating mindness, is essential in appreciating life and life's moments as it unfolds and making conscious choices rather than being swept away by life's constant stream of freaking activities. The beep, bop, boops, the red buttons that you got to clear out. Number three, Emotional regulation. Stillness allows for the processing and regulation of our emotions. It provides a safe space to observe and understand our emotional responses without being overwhelmed, leading to a greater emotional intelligence, which, by the way, dare I say, eq might be more important than IQ and the ability for us to be resilient. Number four Building patience and tolerance Learning to be still and let moments pass develops patience and tolerance. It teaches the value of waiting and observing rather than impulsively needing control, control, control. Do you need to control or change every situation? Number five Realizing the Power of non Action Sometimes the best action is no action. I feel like that's what we started this podcast with with one of your quotes. Stillness teaches the power of non action, understanding that not every situation requires a response and that some circumstances resolve themselves with just a little bit of time. Listen in the journey beyond your default stillness is not just about physical inactivity, but a profound mental and emotional practice. It's about stepping out of the autopilot mode of existence, knee jerk responses and engaging with life's more consciously, thoughtfully and authentically ways that we can as we navigate that mountain pass of switchbacks, praying that there's guard rails and we don't crash down cuz we're trying to live a life beyond our default.