Chambermaid: A Novel | Saira Rao | Talks at Google

Thank you, Lexi. And thank you guys so much for coming. First of all, it's very exciting for me to be at Google because I feel like I've totally been name dropping Google all over the place for the past few weeks, saying I'm speaking here, and people are very impressed. And I also had the pleasure of having lunch with Lexi at. It's the Googleplex in New York. Right. This is also the Googleplex in Boston. In Boston, right. So I'm basically just like stalking Google around the country, which is very exciting. So anyway, I guess I just want to start off by asking a couple of questions. First of all, how many of you here are familiar with judges, law clerks? Nothing? Okay. People don't know judges exist. You know, what judges do. So I'm going to sort of start by a background on the book and maybe a very basic civics lesson. And please excuse me if I'm impeding on anyone's intelligence here. So we have the three branches of the federal government. We've got the executive branch, we've got Congress, which is divided, and then we've got the federal judiciary. At the top is the U.S. supreme Court. Then there are a bunch of courts of appeals. The country is sort of divided up into different circuits, and that's the court of appeals, and then there are federal district courts. So straight out of law school, the best clerkship is the court of appeals clerkship, because no one can clerk on the Supreme Court until you've had a court of appeals clerkship. So as you can probably imagine being, you know, incredibly accomplished in your own right at your respective universities and grad schools, people in law school would basically, like, scratch each other's eyes out to get one of these clerkships. And I totally was one of those. People made all sorts of, you know, deals with the devil to get a clerkship. And as Lexi said, before I went to law school, I was a television news producer. So I was producing news stories in Miami about bikini season and drag queens. And I kind of thought that I started law school my entree into very serious intellectual work. And as it turns out, many, many more bizarre, eccentric characters exist within federal courthouses than anywhere else on the planet. So anyway, when I was at nyu, at every law school, and I'm sure Harvard right down the street has an even bigger one than nyu, has a big binder, and it has page after page of glowing commentary about every judge in the country. And honestly, you're led to believe that every judge on the planet is a mix between Einstein and Madonna. I mean, Totally the smartest person you've ever met. Totally the most fabulous. It's the best experience you'll ever have. So me, along with everyone else in my law school class, I applied to 104 judges and I got three interviews and the first one ended up with a very bad experience where I told the judge that I was a hypochondriac. When he said, do you have anything else to add? Didn't quite work for me. The next one I had some sort of weird like, snaggle tooth tick. And then I got the clerkship on the third try. And my clerkship was with a Federal Court of Appeals judge in Philadelphia. She had been shortlisted to be the first woman on the Supreme Court. Sandra Day got chosen over her and I was probably a very wise choice. And so it was a year after, so my own personal life. It was a year after September 11 happened in New York and I had been down at the World Trade center when that happened. And it was pretty traumatic. And so personally I was very excited to move to Philadelphia for the year. Professionally, it was going to be the best experience I've ever had in my entire life. So I started working there and probably within the first week or two thinking, oh my God, this is truly the most bizarre thing I've ever experienced in my life. Now let me get a show of hands of people who've ever been inside of a federal chamber. No one. Right. You. Really? Who. One out of a, you know, pretty large group. I guess what happens, what I've discerned is when you are given, you're not elected, you can't be removed, you're given a big black robe, you're given life, tenure, six figure salary, and literally very, very, very few people have access to even see your workspace. You just turn into a total freak show. And that's basically what I saw. So I thought maybe I'm having a slightly anomalous experience here and started being the intrepid reporter I'd been, started conducting some interviews around the courthouse. Is anyone else having sort of a weird experience? And it was this very hush hush, like don't tell anyone else but X, Y or Z had happened to me. And I started feeling like it was like everyone can remember back when they went home for the first time their first semester in college and you're probably like, I was like a huge dork in my dorm, no one liked me, I had no friends. But I went to that first party and I was like, it's, I got cool after I met you. Lexi but, And, you know, you go to that first party and you're like, oh, my God, college is amazing. Meanwhile, you're, like, secretly cutting yourself on the side. Like, it's not so amazing, you know, and so that's how it is being a law clerk. You know, everyone's saying it's amazing, but it's really not so amazing. So I started thinking, you know, I'm a little irked because, you know, to take these clerkships, you get paid nothing, you move your life, and you really are made to. You're a total bait and switch. And I did a bunch of research, and I started thinking, why is it that we know every little detail about our president down to, like, what he's eating for breakfast, how many miles he runs a day? And all of our senators and our congresspeople and some of their bizarre hand signaling underneath bathroom stalls in Minneapolis airports. Why do we not know anything about our federal judges? Nothing. I mean, pretty much, it got Clarence Thomas. Like, we heard a lot about his sort of sexual harassment preferences before he was on the bench. And then afterwards, silence, right? So I became kind of obsessed with this idea. Like, I think that we need to start talking about judges like we talk about everyone else in our federal government. They should be accountable to us. You know, they actually do work for us. And so I finished my clerkship, and I started working at a law firm in New York on Wall Street. And if anyone knows any lawyers in New York, they don't get to. I mean, they complain and talk about how much they work all the time, which is such. It's like their rap. But, like, we didn't really. It's not really like that. Like, people didn't even show up to work until 10 or 10:30. And so I just started writing the book in the mornings before I went to the office. And over the course of about a year and a half, I had close to a full manuscript. And this is just sort of going to be my hobby. My husband is in finance and doesn't understand, like, how you could possibly work on something for so long without some sort of end result. So he kept saying, you know, why don't you try to get it published? Why don't you try to get it published? So I started talking to a few agents. My agent, the woman who ended up being my agent, the first thing she said to me was the words law clerk just put me to sleep. Like, nobody's going to want to read about this. I sent her my manuscript. She ended up really liking it. And they signed me on. And last March, I got my book deal. And so last November, news of what the subject matter was about sort of leaked. And I left my law firm just because it was a little uncomfortable. And since then, as Lexi sort of touched on, it's been pretty interesting. I mean, I thought my publisher and I thought that this would be kind of just a fun. It's sort of marketed as the Devil Wears Prada meets John Grisham with a dash of David Sedaris kind of thing, because that's how they have to sell everything. X plus Y plus Z. And so I kind of thought that some people would like it, some people wouldn't like it, and then whatever would kind of go away. And it's just been. It's seriously gotten. People have either loved it or hated it. I've been called, you know, comedic genius or an abomination. The legal community is largely up in arms. But what is true, I mean, what is cool is my lawyer in la, who just negotiated my TV deal, sent a copy of my book to Sandra Day O'Connor last month. She had clerked for her. And she just called her and said that she, like, thinks it's awesome. And so I've got Sandy D on my side, which is good. Which is good. So I was thinking about maybe reading a passage, but before I did that, I wanted to maybe get some questions from anyone, if people had any questions at all. Yep, Sure. Really, it was just turning into one of those really catty grad students where I was, like, hoarding information and, like, sitting in, you know, like, different parts of the library and wouldn't tell anyone else who I was applying to and, like, what my inside was with various judges. It was just being, like, typical, like, caddy. I didn't actually strike any deals with any devils. I'm agnostic. Yeah. Do you think this reaction would have been different if I had. That is a very good question. I met this lovely lady on the train this afternoon, and she asked me that very same question. And one thing that's been very interesting is a lot, or I should even say most of the criticism has come from male professors. Women have not had much of a problem with the book. And my impression is starting to be a little bit, like, I think that most law clerks. I was the only Asian American female law clerk that year. And there was just a study that came out earlier this year that, like, the law clerkship is the last true. Sort of like, it's 90% white male still. And I do think that there's this there's been a lot of sort of misogynistic undertones with a lot of the criticism, like, how dare the protagonist talk about her hair? Like, anyone who goes to an Ivy League school would never talk about their hair. But Hillary Clinton talks about her hair. You know, everyone talks about their hair if you're a woman. And lots of men talk about their hair, too. Or lack of it. Right, right. But exactly. But no, it's. What. What did you just say by line? That's my line. Oh, that was my line. You can say it, too. There's enough. But no, most of the criticism has come from men. Someone else had a hand up. No. Yep. You said that you just started writing it while you were working. But, like, where did you come up with your. Had you written a book before? Or how did you put just pen to paper? And then you made it sound so easy. But it's. I'm guessing that there was a longer process in terms of writing. How did you learn to write what you actually produced? Right. I actually. I've never been an outliner, which was kind of a problem for me when I was a law clerk, because you have to write opinions. But I really just kind of wrote down, like, lots and lots of anecdotes that I'd heard. I interviewed tons and tons of law clerks, and I just came up. I mean, I'd been thinking about characters for a while and sort of the events, the anecdotes that I wanted to include. And then I just came up with a storyline to weave them all together. And really, I just sat down one day and I just started writing it. The editing process was much, much harder for me, I think, than for most people. In fact, in the book now there's a death penalty case that is from the beginning till the end that didn't exist before. When my editor bought the book, she told me that there were some problems with chapters 10 through 24. And I was like, okay, totally. No problem. And I was like, what are the problems? And she said, well, chapters 10 through 24. And so I had to basically rewrite the entire second half of the book. I think I'm working on a second book right now, and it's. I'm actually outlining now and giving. I'm thinking about it a lot more than just sitting down and kind of just writing. But, no, I didn't take a creative writing class. And actually, I've met a lot of authors this summer, and it's been sort of split like 50, 50 between people who have taken creative Writing classes are in writing groups and some people go and get their MFAs. But I think the general consensus is that's not really necessary. If you read books regularly, you actually have more of a concept than you would think. You can write a book. Yep. This might be a bit premature on the back for this question, but you think more oversight and more review of judge candidates is necessary? Like in what way would you wish that to happen? Right. I feel like elections in this country. Right. And no, I would never advocate electing federal judges. I think that the oversight part, part is fine actually, because judges are pretty scrutinized, you know, in that process. I think the problem happens and I frankly, if I became a judge, I'd probably turn into, you know, a power hungry sociopath as well down the road because they're really, once you become a judge, there's unbridled, you know, power. And I think the problem is that there's just absolutely no review process at all. They're accountable to nobody. I mean, they can be impeached, but that's almost unheard of. And so really, like the only thing I would advocate is for people to sort of talk about them more freely and in a more open manner. You cannot find, which is remarkable. In 2007 with Google, you Google any judge, you can find very, very little information about them. So I'm just like, what has been good out of sort of all the scandal that this book has caused is people in the legal community and in the political arena have actually now started talking a little bit about, okay, let's talk about like, you know, X, Y and Z judge. There's a judge in LA who I can't mention his name, but he's one of the most prominent judges in the country, has been shortlisted on the Supreme Court. Year after year. He makes one of the tasks that his law clerks have to do is feed his live boa constrictor live mice in his chamber. Like, you know, that's interesting information. People should know that, you know, before they agree to go work there. So I guess just if people would just talk more freely about them like they're human beings rather than gods, that's really all we can do. Because no, I don't think electing judges would be the right thing to do. You had a question? I was just going to ask. You mentioned that There are some really. Are there any particular anecdotes to share? I actually am not. I've been under strict gag order from my lawyer as to what I can say and not say. I Cannot say what, like, I personally experience, but I can talk about, like, there's another. This is during that year of, like, sort of interviewing people. Another judge has a chicken fetish. And one of the things his clerks had to do was go with him out to chicken farms and make sure that the chickens that he bought were anatomically correct. So they were, like, basically, like, feeling up chickens in the afternoon. Like, this is. Yeah, it's totally bizarre. Weird thing. Like, weird stuff, you know? That would be another example. Yep. Fact checking and sort of. Sort of searching. Even though this was a novel. Oh, my goodness. I mean, I. It was very funny. Grove Atlantic, my publisher, has a lawyer that they use all the time. And he called me in my office, and he said it was very. He's, like, probably in his 60s. First thing he says to me is, I think this is completely despicable. My clerkship was amazing. How dare you? Blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I'm not. I'm sure your judge is a lovely man. You know, Know. And he basically was screaming at me, and he said, like, you know, we need to move the story to D.C. we need to do this. We need to do that. And I said, have you even read the book? And he said, well, actually, no. But first he told me, like, five times that he was the number one media attorney in New York, and if I didn't believe him, I could Google him. I was like, okay, fine. But then he called me, like, a week later, and he had one of his poems, Sad Associates have to read my book and write a big memo about whether or not there's defamation issues. And there were a few things that I had to change, but not too many. But everyone's been totally petrified since then. But I think it would be amazing if my judge sued me. I think it'd be, like, a really hilarious spectacle. But I don't think she's going to do that at this point. Anyone else? Lexi, do you have any questions? I'll hold. You're gonna hold? Okay, so I'm just gonna read a quick little passage. And so here's the background with Court of Appeals and actually with the U.S. supreme Court as well. Most cases. The U.S. supreme Court takes almost no cases. I think that last count, they hear, like, 90 cases a year out of thousands and thousands. Courts of appeals actually have to take every case they're given. So actually, court of appeals judges are typically the final word. You know, the law of the land kind of thing. And the way it breaks down is law clerks are given briefs and if the law is settled, the law clerk can just advise the judge to make a decision without hearing argument. That's most cases. Then every like two months, you probably hear about eight cases that actually the law is sort of unsettled. Different circuits have come out in different ways and, you know, you basically have to hear the arguments. That's often for constitutional issues, death penalty, abortion, that sort of thing. So this passage starts with. It's after the first. It's called a sitting. It's after the first sitting. And Sheila Raj is the protagonist, not to be confused with Saira Rao, and she has been working on a death penalty case involving a defendant by the name of Del Nelson. And. And the judge. The judge's name is Helga Friedman, and she's a very small lady with a very big ego and driving problems. And let's see who. Oh, one other thing is no one in chambers is allowed to speak. And so people typically go to the bathrooms to talk to themselves. So I'm sure that never happens at Google. Okay. It was nearly six and the judge still hadn't come back. Another half hour and I was free to drop off my mobile home and dart over to Banana Republic to buy a more appropriate suit for the next day. I wondered if the panel had come to a decision on Dell Nelson. I'd caught a glimpse of Del in court earlier that day. He'd been sitting between two guards behind the podium, so I only saw him for a split second. When he stood to leave the courtroom. He was not at all as I'd expected. Actually, I wasn't sure what I'd expected, but whatever it was, it wasn't that slight, smooth skinned man with probing eyes. He didn't seem angry, just a bit confused, which was probably how I'd feel if I'd spent my entire adult life on death row and fighting a sleeping lawyer. It was strange to think, however, that he was fighting not to be free of prison, but rather to remain there for decades. Talk about a will to live. As I stood to have a heart to heart with myself in the bathroom, the phone rang. It had to be the judge. Nobody else ever called. Janet had gone home and Matthew was in a stupor, so I answered. Good afternoon, Judge Fried. Janet. Judge Janet's left for the day. It's. Damn it. Nobody works around there. Who is this? It's she. Oh, Sheila. I was beginning to hate my name. I'm in a hole. I'm in a hole. Huh? I put my hand over the phone and beckoned Matthew to help. I'm in a hole. Did you hear me? For the billionth time in less than 10 hours, we exchanged looks of pure puzzlement. Judge, I'm sorry, I just don't understand what you're saying, I admitted. Are you deaf? I was driving. Now I'm in a hole on Market Street. The woman thought how are you? Was an irrational question, but thought the words I'm in a hole on Market street were self explanatory. Sensing a meltdown on my part, Matthew generously grabbed the phone. Judge, hello? It's Matthew. Thank God, someone who can do something. What do you need? Judge? Call the marshal. I'm in a hole in Market and Seventh, right outside the building. I was driving and my car is in a hole. I need to be towed out. Okay, we'll be there in a minute. And with that, he hung up. She's apparently under the ground somewhere in her car. Let's just get our things and go see what she's talking about. By the time we got outside, it was like a scene from Law and Order. Camera crews were everywhere. Police had the place surrounded, securing the site and directing people away from the massive hole in the street. Matthew grabbed one of them who had tried to shoo us away initially. Excuse me, sir, our boss is down there. She just called us. The cop looked at once confused and relieved. Oh good. So you know whoever's down there is okay. As of about 90 seconds ago, she was fine. She just wants to get out, matthew explained. Damn it, I'm in a hole. The judge had managed to roll down her window from 20ft under. That seems clear. Wow, she's got a voice on her, the cop noted, wincing. You have no idea, matthew said, chuckling. She's also going to be arrested. Your boss? The thought of the judge in handcuffs, while alluring, was absurd. Seems that your boss didn't feel like obeying the road sign. He pointed to a quadrangular orange sign that read Danger Men at Work. This manhole was surrounded by orange cones and your boss just plowed through and I guess her car went in. At least that's what a couple of witnesses said. He shook his head slowly from side to side, just like the cops did on tv. If she's okay, then I'm sure her car is totally wrecked. And she's damn lucky. All the construction workers had headed home about 20 minutes earlier. If anyone had been hurt, she'd be looking at a misdemeanor, at least. Felony. Maybe. The reality was sinking in. Much like the judge's car, Judge Freedman was in A hole in Market Street. The lady hadn't lied. I don't know what possessed me to return to this. Matthew shook his head. Well, I for one am thrilled you did. Can you please promise not to ditch again? I begged. Matthew smiled. Deal, Shira. The judge also mixed up everyone's names. It took a little more than an hour for a tow truck to come and yank the judge's red BMW out of the gaping hole. The car was unscathed, without a scratch. The cops and remaining bystanders looked amazed. I wasn't. I knew she'd get out of it. It'd take a hell of a lot more than a 20 foot manhole to hurt her or anything she owned. What was incredible was that the judge appeared to be furious, much like she did after awakening from her nap on the bench that morning. She surfaced from the hole, thrusting her mini fist in the air like Louis Farrakhan. Matthew and I walked over to the driver's side to help her out. No, no, no. She swatted us like flies, practically falling out of her car in the process. She was still wearing her robe and the chicken salad, making the whole scenario unquestionably the weirdest one I'd witnessed to date. Are you okay, Judge? I asked. Where are they? Where is the moron who did this? She demanded angrily. I considered shoving a mirror in her disheveled face. Three cops slowly walked over. They had reason to be apprehensive. Rabies weren't out of the question. Ma', am, we're going to have to talk to you. One reached for her shoulder. You will not talk to me. I want to know who's responsible. I am a federal judge. She yelled, yanking her arm away. These guys couldn't have cared if she were Playboy's Playmate of the Year. They just spent the past two hours redirecting traffic from Market, the main artery of Philly, during rush hour. I smiled on the inside while maintaining a stern poker face. She was aghast. Maybe you didn't hear me. I am a federal judge. The tallest and youngest looking one stepped forward. He had a crew cut and was rather handsome in a cheesy sort of way. He was pissed and tired. Ma', am, you drove into a hole that was clearly marked off limits. I don't care who you are. He reached rather roughly for her arm. She jerked it away again. I was thrilled at the prospect of watching her take on and take out the young buff cop. Helga. Helga. It was Judge Fleck and he was crossing the street. Richard, thank God. She hugged him and shot the rookie in evil eye. Great. Now the poor guy had two old people with massive egos to deal with. Judge Fleck leaned over and grabbed the cop's hand. Hello, son. What's going on? The cop pointed to Friedman. This woman, the federal judge, decided to plow through various traffic signs and landed inside that manhole. We're all lucky nobody was down there. My brother was in there and left just a half hour earlier. She's lucky she didn't hurt him. He was seething now. Well, I don't have time for traffic signs. I am really busy. Maybe you'd understand if you knew anything about judges or knew anything about anything important. Judge Fleck took her aside right next to me. Helga, you're going to be thrown in jail. Just be agreeable and I'll get you out of this. Now please, just keep your mouth shut. Tall order for the short lady. He went back to the cop. She played coy and started smiling, strangely resembling my friend Anna's drunk Nana from Duluth. Sir. Fleck had upgraded the cop from son to sir. My friend Helga was in a hurry to get home to her husband. Her husband is really sick. Young police officer glanced at drunk Nana and looked sick with disgust. I couldn't blame him. She had that effect on me, too. Fleck was undeterred. As chief judge of the 3rd Circuit, it would be mortifying for him if Friedman had to serve time. She was in a hurry to get home and get back to him. Please let this go. She's an old woman with a sick husband. Drunk Nana sobered right up. Tell him I'm a judge, she ordered, nudging Judge Fleck. He ignored her. Lucky for the judge, the cop just wanted her to go away. He looked at Judge Freedman much in the way the security guard had looked at me that morning before turning to Judge Fleck. Fine. I'll let it go. But please tell your old lady friend with the sick husband that if she does this again, I'll make sure she spends a little time in prison. He then stormed off. Matthew and I approached the judge and I gently tapped her shoulder. Judge, seems like everything is under control. We'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Judge Fleck. Wait. Wait, Sheila, I'll drive you home. No way was she driving me anywhere. The End thank you. Thank you. Well, thank you guys so much. If anyone has any other questions, feel free to ask. Other paper made your first title? Yes. Yeah. Do you have a better one in mine? I was wondering if that was a title you had picked or something. Yeah, no, I picked it. And the funny story behind that is Grove Atlantic, sort of known for doing slightly avant garde stuff. And there was a new graphics guy who did my book jacket, and my editor had given him a galley copy of my book to take home over the weekend and read it. And he came home and he said, oh, my God, Lauren, I'm so relieved. I was so scared that I had to do a cover of erotica and I'd never done that before. So, yeah, there's definitely not. There's not so much erotica in this book. Sarah, will you tell what's your advice to people that are obviously be employed in other jobs, but maybe interesting writing a novel. What do you think is the best way to pursue it? Honestly, what is interesting is no matter what profession you're in, I think. I mean, with some exceptions, you can really find time in your schedule if you just sort of take note when, like, other people are in your office, when you're expected to be in the office, what you're expected to do. And the biggest thing is I turned off my Internet when I would work on the book and not surfing the web, like, afforded me so much time. I mean, I guess it's a little different if you work at Google and, you know, that's part of your job probably. But yeah, I mean, if you stop. What's astounding is a lot of the blogging around my book. One blog post will garner like 200 comments from people who are allegedly, like, billing clients. You know, like, do they really. What are they doing? Like, they should take that time and do. I don't run a marathon or train for a marathon or something. But yeah, I mean, you'll be surprised how much time you actually have if you start just thinking about your schedule critically. All right, well, thanks, guys. I'll happily sign books or whatever, answer any other questions you might have that you want to take offline. Thanks for coming.