Ayurveda Mini Series Part 2 : Aligning to Your Values & Yourself (w/ Happy Healthy Hadlee) | Ep. 60

Welcome! We are so happy to be here with you again. This is Nicole, and I am actually recording this back in Phoenix, Arizona, and I'm so excited to have this conversation with Hadlee, who is filming this in her new location in Spain.

Yes!

And what I love about this timing of this conversation, at least for me personally, Is that it's really grounding in being integrity, being in balance, and that's something that I really need right now. And so if you're listening to this recording and you feel like there's been a lot of shifting and a lot of changing that's happening in your life, this is going to be a really valuable conversation for you. And it's all about being in integrity with our bodies, our minds, our values, and our community. And last time, remember, we talked about the 4 ingredients for ultimate success: artha, dharma, kama, and moksha. And the brilliant Hadlee is going to dive deeper with us today. And make sure if you haven't to check out that quiz that we have so that you can personalize this for your best success. And at the end of this conversation, you're going to walk away with these 3 things. Number one is what being in integrity means. Number 2, how being in integrity is essential for your success. And number 3, how do we get into integrity to begin with? And so Hadlee, I'm so glad that we're having this conversation together. And I can't wait to learn from you.

Oh, you're the best. I just love you. I'm so excited to talk about this today too. This is something that I talk a lot about with my clients and with people even before they start working with me. I a lot of times will talk to them about where they feel like they're out of integrity with all of the things that they wish they were in integrity with. And so, and so we should probably start with sort of a definition of what being in integrity even means. So essentially, it means being whole and undivided. So it sort of has, has become like a morality thing, you know, like, you're— if you're in integrity, you're not lying. But the original definition of the word was essentially being— feeling whole, feeling undivided, feeling like you have like a sense of wholeness with whatever it is that you want in your life. So you could be in integrity with your body's needs. So for example, you know, you're doing the things that your body really enjoys, the things that are serving your body, the things that feel really good in your body. You could be in integrity with your values. So if you have like specific values, you are living by them. You're not doing things that are like, oh, that doesn't actually feel quite right. Like there's just kind of like a factor when you're out of integrity with your values or with your body or with any of these things really. And so that's kind of what we're talking about when we, when we talk about being in integrity, if that makes sense.

I think of it too in really basic— this is my brain— I think of it in really basic terms as like shooting a bow and arrow at a bullseye. And so if, if my whole focus, my body, the arrow, everything is in integrity, if it's aligned, if it's undivided, I'm going to be a whole heck of a lot more sure to hit that bullseye than if I was undivided. You know, my attention is over here, I'm pointing the arrow over there. And so I think just on a basic 101 level, we can all look at it that way. And you're going to help us actually apply it to success, apply it to life, and look at it from an Ayurvedic perspective, which includes kind of the mind, the body, the spirit, and the emotions.

Yes, totally. Yeah, I think that's a really good analogy. And I love having visuals like that to be able to kind of like think, think about it, not in terms of like words necessarily, but have, have those pictures to be able to, to think of it in that way. So that is awesome. I love it. So yeah, so let's talk a little bit about what are some of the signs that you are in integrity? And then what are some of the signs that you are out of integrity. So last week, obviously, we talked about the 4 aims of life. And just as like kind of a little recap, those 4 aims are dharma, which is our purpose. And this is based on Ayurvedic knowledge. So if you haven't watched that, or if you haven't listened to that podcast, definitely go back and listen to it. So you can kind of get caught up with that if you're interested in learning more about the 4 aims of life. But dharma is that the purpose or the thing that we do that is very fulfilling for us. And then Arta is kind of that means for prosperity. So it's our material wealth, our health and well-being, because that helps us to be able to do all of the other things. It's kind of, it's kind of all of the things that we need, our shelter, our different things to get to that self-actualization. If you think about like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, if you are a psychology nerd like we are. Yeah. Cheers. You're listening to this.

I just cheers the video with my cup of hot tea to the psychology nerd.

I love it. So, so that is artha. So that's the second one. The third one is kama. And that's really like enjoyment or pleasure. If you've heard of like the Kama Sutras, that is like sexual pleasure, but it can be any type of pleasure, or enjoyment of life. So enjoying our time, being present, being like, you know, biting into a piece of fruit and just like allowing yourself to really, really enjoy that thing in that moment. And so that's kind of like kama. And then moksha is the 4th one, and that is liberation or freedom from material things. And so In our mini course, we talk a lot more, we go really in depth on like what all of those things can kind of look like in our lives. We talk about, you know, our values and all of that stuff. So definitely check out the mini course if you want to like dive really deep into that stuff. It was really fun to have that conversation. So definitely do that. But today we're going to be talking about how we can feel either in integrity with these things or out of integrity with these things. And so let's Let's kind of dive into the. We'll start with Artha because Artha is kind of the foundation for all of the other ones. It's health, well-being, material gain, all of the things that are gonna be that baseline. Cool? Does that sound good? That

sounds great. Yes.

Okay. Awesome. So it feels so when you are in integrity here, you feel really good, like in your body. You feel really good in your mental and emotional well-being. And if you remember last. Last time we talked, we talked about svastha, which is the definition of health in Ayurveda. And if you can't remember the Sanskrit words, that's okay. I'm always going to say what the thing means, so don't get too tripped up on that. But the definition of health in Ayurveda is that we essentially feel super, super good in our bodies. We have an established sense of self. We have a balance of the doshas. we have properly formed bodily tissues, efficient elimination, well-functioning bodily processes, and then also blissful mind, soul, and senses. So those are all of the criteria for being in health, essentially being in that, um, that definition of health in Ayurveda. And so we have all of those things. That's what it feels like to be in integrity with our bodies, with our our physical selves, essentially. Um, so, so when it— when we're out of integrity, we don't have those things, right? And so instead of thinking of ourselves as if we have like the absence of disease, we can— and that's like quote-unquote health— instead, we can think of it kind of the opposite way. If we have the absence of all of those things I just listed, then we are out of integrity with that health and well-being. So if we don't have you know, that blissful mind, soul, and senses, and the well-functioning bodily processes and all of these things, then we're actually out of integrity. And I, I say this, but if you're, if you're like, well, I don't know if I have all of those things, just ask yourself, do I feel like— the word that comes to mind is like icky. When you think about like your body and your health and stuff, like, does it feel like Icky, like kind of sludgy, or does it feel like, yeah, I got this, I feel really, really good? And so that's kind of how I look at it. It's more of a feeling sense, a felt sense, than really getting super intellectual of like, do I have this thing checked off? Do I have this thing checked off, etc.? So if that makes, if that makes sense. Yeah.

You're bringing to mind, you know, I hear from a lot of entrepreneurs this sense of feeling stuck, this sort of stuckness where—

Yeah.

Trying to like effort your way into success, which I think may be a good indicator of not being in full integrity, and that something might be out of balance. And so that stuckness, that ickiness, that feeling of, um, just like I'm not getting what I want, or I'm not where I want to be, and I'm just feeling frustrated. Maybe that sense of frustration is an invitation to go back to see, is there an area in my life where I am out of integrity? Um, maybe it's on the physical, spiritual, mental planes. And this is again why this conversation is so valuable, because it's a little bit more esoteric. You know, we talk about people who are struggling or they're in a plateau professionally or with whatever they're trying to be successful at. And people are like, well, you just have to get your mindset in there. You're driving people away with this negative mindset. But Ayurveda is like, it can be a little bit more nuanced than that. And so I really appreciate the fact that Ayurveda is able to kind of parse this integrity out and what that exactly means, because it gives us an opportunity to then explore Explore if that area needs optimization or healing.

Yes, yes, so true. And I love how tangible Ayurveda is because a lot of these things are, you know, sort of in the ether, like, oh, just get your mindset right, or like, you know, do the work or whatever, like all of these things that we talk about in like the wellness space. And I love that Ayurveda is like, Okay, yes, and let's like actually make it easy. Like, let's actually like make it so that you can, you can really see what areas of your life are missing these things. So that's why they've like mapped it out for us. So it's like we don't have to do so much work. We can make it a lot easier on ourselves, which is awesome. That's why I'm in love with Ayurveda. So So yeah, so, so I think it's really good to think about, you know, in this, in terms of success, like, that's kind of how we can feel in integrity with artha or with that material, the material things, the health, the well-being, all of that stuff. The next thing is kind of thinking about dharma or purpose fulfillment. So, so that piece, that one, sometimes entrepreneurs have that one down, right? Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they're like, I know I want to do something, but I don't exactly know what I want. And I will say that this was, oh my gosh, so me. Like, I knew, I knew that I wanted to be an entrepreneur, like, from when I was very young. And I knew that I wanted to do something to help the world. I knew that I wanted to do something with health and well-being. But— And that all sounds like I sort of knew what I wanted to do, but I so did not. I so was felt lost. I felt like I had no idea, like what was even a possibility for me. I went to school pre-med just because you know that was what you do if you wanted to be an entrepreneur, serve the world, do something with health. It was like oh okay I'll be a doctor right? But that like was so not actually my, like, what was kind of meant to be for my, my personality, all of these things. Um, and so, you know, if that's the case for you, just know that you can get in integrity here. If you're feeling really frustrated about like, I just still don't know what I want to do. It's, it's okay, you can be in that uncertainty, you can be out of integrity with that. And there are things that you can also do to get into integrity. There are lots of different things that, that I help my clients with. But feeling out of integrity there just sort of feels like not knowing what you want, not really knowing how to get to what you want. Maybe you know some things of what you want, but you don't exactly know how to get there. That's kind of what feeling out of integrity is like with your, with your dharma or with your purpose.

I relate to that too. And it's funny, you and I have so many things in common in that sense, is I was trying to find my dharma and I wanted to help people. I didn't know that being an entrepreneur was an option for me. I didn't have— you know, this is aging me a little bit, but I mean, I remember when the internet came out and I remember the very first thing I saw on the internet. So I didn't have access to all the information that we have now. And so I was like, well, how can I help people? Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to medical school. So I was doing pre-med as well. And so I think that perhaps if you're listening to this conversation or watching this video, and you're feeling like, gosh, there's something inside of me, I feel like I want to help the world, or there's this calling, the spark. And if you feel like it's just stuck, and you're not sure what to do, is, you know, you're not alone. And that fire is an opportunity to discover what your calling is, or maybe your calling was one thing, and now it's shifting. And so if you're in that space, then just hold on because we've got you.

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. And this series is kind of designed for, for you to really explore what it is that you want, how you want to show up, what success can look like for you based on your doshas, based on these 4 aims of life. So hang in there with us. We've got you. And the same goes for if you're feeling out of integrity with your body, with your health and well-being. Being, you know, that's that's a huge piece of all this because when we feel when we're feeling really centered there, when we're feeling really in integrity there, a lot of times it's easy. It's a lot easier for us to then know what we actually want, know what we want to do, know our purpose, and then also be able to find that pleasure, which is the next one: find that enjoyment in our life. And that is comma. And so feeling in integrity feels like, oh my gosh, like everything feels like so juicy. That's kind of the word, like unctuous. It's like, it's like sort of luxurious, and you allow yourself to be like luxurious, luxuriating in your life, essentially. So it's kind of cool how that works. And so, and so feeling out of integrity is like feeling like we're pushing all the time. And like a lot of times people who are, um, who have a lot of pitta in their constitution— and we'll talk more about pitta in the future— they're like, go, go, go. And they maybe do know what they want and they're just like going hard, going after it, but they might feel out of integrity with something in their life. Something doesn't feel quite right because they're pushing too hard. They're like not allowing themselves to play, to feel joy, to, to really be present in all of the things that they want to be doing in their life.

Yeah, absolutely. So signs of being out of integrity physically. So as you're listening to this conversation, maybe just do a self-assessment. Okay, am I in or out of integrity? And so if you have physical aches and pains, or fatigue, or heart palpitations, or muscle soreness, or difficulty sleeping or appetite changes, really anything physical that's a symptom would be a sign of being out of integrity physically, right?

Yes, exactly. Yeah. Anything that your body is communicating with you and you're identifying it as something that's like not what you want, essentially.

That's a sign of being out of integrity. And so then if you kind of do just a scan and then that mental space, do you, Are you dealing with brain fog, or are you dealing with anxiety or depression or irritability, overwhelm, mood swings? Um, any of those symptoms, unwanted things, that lack of juiciness, those are signs of being out of integrity mentally. And then spiritually, um, tell me a little bit more about that, Hadley. What are signs that you've seen in your clients of being out of spiritual integrity?

Yeah, so this is like, I think this is sort of out, like not talked about enough in the wellness space. Like there's like sort of like the spiritual world and like spiritual people, and then there's like the wellness space. And we are definitely talking more about mental health and well-being, which is amazing. And like, I'm so excited that we are talking about how our minds and our bodies are really connected. And our— we also need to have this piece of us where, where we really need this, like, sense of spirituality or sense of our souls. And, you know, it's going to look totally different for everyone. And that is great. I'm all about that. I don't think that there's like necessarily a specific thing that anyone needs to to follow. I'm like so not about dogmatic anything. But I think that— well, and not I think that— research shows that actually believing in something that's like larger than ourselves creates greater overall trust, greater freedom and liberation, which is that moksha, right? That's the liberation and freedom from the material world. And then also it it decreases anxiety and depression, and it also increases physical health too. So instead of just thinking of like the mind-body connection, we can sort of integrate also the mind-body-soul or mind-body-spirit connection. And that actually can be a really, really big piece for this. And if you're like, yeah, I just need to focus on my like mental and emotional and physical well-being right now, like that's totally fine. Sometimes what I see with like my clients and stuff is they kind of get those things down. And then they're like, what is what is all of this like spirituality stuff? And then they kind of get more into that. And again, it's gonna look different for everyone. Like you know, even if you don't necessarily believe in a higher power at all, maybe you're like yeah no nothing. You can still have like a sense of spirituality. There's like you know different beliefs and stuff of being present and in the now, and all of these different things that you don't necessarily have to. It doesn't have to be like. God or whatever, um, someone else may believe in.

It's— it feels like maybe a sign of being spiritually out of integrity is feeling, um, existentially alone, feeling disconnected, disconnected from the world, disconnected from others, disconnected from yourself. So that, that existential loneliness, that feeling of disconnection, feeling of almost like a lack of meaning and purpose, that lack of relevance, and that lack of, like you said, I think that lack of safety in the meaning of the bigger picture, I think all could be an indication. We call it soul sickness in psychology. Mm-hmm. Um, which is—

oh, I didn't know that.

It's a really interesting— yeah. And so, you know, are you dealing with soul sickness? It's like Hadley, you said, is that I feel like a lot of people want to talk about the psychology and the biology, but we're all afraid of talking about the soul because it can raise controversy about religion. And so,

right,

if this is— if this is hitting somewhere for, for our listeners and maybe start to explore what soul sickness could mean to you and what being in integrity with your soul would look like for you. What feels juicy? What feels good? What feels right? What do you align with? And how you might have to create that on your own if there isn't somebody else or an organization out there that does that for you.

Totally. Yeah, I think a lot of people become disenchanted with with like divinity or whatever it is, because of religion and because of like all of the messed up things that religion has done, or that, that, you know, humans have done with religion. And so a lot of times there needs to be like a healing of that in order to then, then be like, feel safe in our spirituality, in our soul and stuff. and even thinking about this kind of thing, because sometimes there's like religious trauma that you've gone through, or, you know, things that you've been told that you're, you know, you're bad, or you're not like supposed to do the— do something or do things that you really enjoy or love or whatever, um, in the name of religion or in the name of, um, God or whatever it is. And so sometimes there's not that, that sense of safety. But I do invite everyone to especially if you're feeling out of integrity, you're feeling like, you know, I have like all these other things kind of put into place, but there's still something just like not there. And so I find that again, a lot of times as people like bring themselves into integrity with the other 3 aims, then they start to be like, oh yeah, this thing is still missing. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna go after that. Awesome.

I love that.

Yeah. Yeah. And so, and I love how you put that feeling out of integrity is, is like a soul sickness is. And I would love to, I would actually love to hear a little bit more about like how that actually looks in, in psychology. Could you just like describe it a little bit?

Um, an example of soul sickness is we have a whole emerging field called ecopsychology, where there's people that are just grieving the, the greater transition, I guess, of the Earth and climate. And it can create this feeling of hopelessness and helplessness, a perceived sense of powerlessness or incompetence. And so the research shows, um, that it can produce this series of questions about our personal lives, like, why am I here? What does it mean? And why is this happening? Why do bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people? What is the purpose? Um, and this can produce symptoms of emotional distress, it can produce symptoms of physical distress. It's like you're saying with religious trauma, that can often leave people questioning everything in the greater meaning of life. So it can really feed into a lot of existential questioning. And it's a frequently missed diagnosis.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know if you could hear my little pup in the background. She's like really resonating with that. And it can create a lot of physical symptoms, you know. So sometimes people actually— actually had a client many, many years ago who came into my office and She was dealing with something called, um, a neuroblastoma, where her body was producing these tumor cells. And all of the symptoms started when she lost her father. And it was difficult.

Mm-hmm.

In particular because he was a very abusive person. And her feeling was that the divine, the higher power, had allowed her to live with this abusive person, and then he got to leave the earth and no longer be suffering, but she had to stay on the earth and continue to suffer the effects of trauma. And—

Wow.

Her soul sickness was that the divine is punishing her. She couldn't find anything juicy, like you said. She couldn't find that joy. And so her body started to kind of attack itself. And of course, this is all conjecture. This is all theory. But what makes it feel really real is that when she started to do the work on the soul sickness part, when she started to do that spiritual work, she started to get better. Her objective metrics, her labs got better. Her sense of emotional wellbeing got better. And so I think that looking at soul sickness in Ayurveda, soul sickness in our physical and our emotional well-being, is kind of like that top of Maslow's hierarchy. Of course, we want to get all of our ducks in a row and, you know, have all the right nourishment and the right nutrition and having good support systems. But then, like, really, what, what is the meaning of life? And where do I just have to rely on a higher power? Because my my ability to affect change ends at a certain point.

Yes. Oh, that is so good. I love that. I just got chills all over when you said that, you know, once she started actually doing that work with her spirituality, it all started to, to change for her. That is— that's so huge. And I think that this, this happens for when we kind of feel like we are out of integrity with our purpose, with our dharma. Like if we don't, or we're, you know, in a job that is just sucking our souls, right? Like, and we, we can transition into a new job. And, you know, we do find a lot more freedom in there. And we start to actually do our like soul's purpose, our dharma, our, the thing that makes us feel fulfilled. I think that A lot of times we just talk about the health and wellbeing, uh, or like the health habits and that kind of thing. And I think those are really, really important. We need to have those things. And if you're doing all the things and that's not necessarily working, then we've got to look at all of these other areas too, right?

Absolutely.

Yeah. Awesome. So let's talk a little bit about, you know, getting back into integrity, right? Uh, so once you, So hopefully you guys aren't feeling like, oh wow, well, I'm definitely out of integrity. And if you are, that's okay. We're going to talk about how to actually get back into integrity with all of these things. And, and so the first thing, of course, with, with artha, which is the— with our health and our, our well-being and all of those things, is we really want to have specific health habits, and Ayurveda actually has like all of the health habits, um, kind of listed out for us. And if you're curious about learning more about like what those specifically are, it's way beyond the scope of this one podcast episode because there's a lot to talk about with it. But if you are interested in that, it is in the mini course, um, so you can definitely check that out. Um, and also that's what I do with my clients. I have a program called Happy Healthy Habits It's literally what it's called. And so, so you can check that out as well. But we want to, we want to implement these health habits in order to help us feel, you know, amazing in our physiology and our mental and emotional well-being, all of those things. And then we can also talk about like actually getting into integrity with our dharma. And so So we want— for getting into integrity with our dharma, if you're like, yeah, I actually do know what I want to be doing, getting out of the thing that you're currently doing and starting to do the thing that you want to be doing is, of course, the easiest way to get into integrity with your dharma. And so a lot of times, you know, I know someone who really wanted to teach yoga. Um, and have that be like her full-time, uh, her full-time thing. And she was like working for a company that, you know, she didn't super resonate with. It was fine. Like, she liked her, um, she liked her job. Like, she liked the other people that she was working with and stuff. And she was really good at it too. But she just felt really out of integrity with her purpose, with like what she really wanted to be doing in the world. And this doesn't have to mean your job. Your purpose in the world doesn't have to be your job. It can be something else as well. It can be, you know, volunteer work, or it can be raising kids, or it can be whatever, whatever resonates for you. But this person, she really, she really, really knew that teaching yoga was going to be her thing that fulfilled her. And so, so then she did transition into that. And, you know, not, not everything just like completely became rainbows and butterflies, but she felt so much more in integrity with her purpose, with, you know, waking up in the morning every day and being able to do the thing that she really wanted to do. And so that is for sure the easiest way to get into integrity. with our purpose, with our dharma. Uh, one thing that I'll say here is like, if you don't know what you want to be doing, I definitely, definitely recommend exploring it. Um, exploring it a lot, like really, you know, make— making a list of all of the things that light you up when you do them. So for example, I didn't know what I wanted to do. So I did this a lot of times. I would make a list, make lists of things that really like lit me up. One of those things was theater, uh, acting. I, I was a theater kid. I like loved acting, singing, all of the things. And so I would like always kind of come back to that. My dharma, my purpose was not to like become a Broadway actor. Like I didn't really want to do that or like become an actor in like movies or whatever. But I did want to be able to speak. I wanted to be on stage. I wanted to be able to, to be kind of in front of other people and talk about things. And so that was a piece of what I really knew that I wanted to do. It was part of my, my purpose. And so, so that those are all these, you can kind of list all of these things in see, okay, what piece of that could I maybe integrate into the thing that I want to do next?

I really like that. I make a lot of lists too, and I haven't actually made a list like that. Lists are my jam. And so I love that you're giving this practical advice on what, what lights me up, and then just writing a bunch of things down and then looking for common threads throughout that. And, you know, I can see that, that kind of theatrical acting part of being an inspirational helper and healer that you do. You know, you, you have to motivate and you have to inspire and you get to talk with large groups of people and one-on-one. And so I think that it's neat how you were able to take this passion and find a creative way to incorporate that with your dharma.

Right, yeah, because I incorporated that piece with the deep desire to help people and, you know, integrate with health and well-being and all of these things that I mentioned before. And so, and, and a lot of other things that were on my list, like make a list that's really long and see how you might be able to incorporate maybe not all of the things, but at least most of the things so that you can you know, actually do something. And it doesn't have to look like anyone else's thing either, right? Like, this is— we have never lived in a time where it has been as easy as it is now to be able to do what you're really, really passionate about. Not saying that it is like super easy for everyone to do it, but it has never been easier. It was never easier in past times to be able to do what you're really super passionate about. Because we have the internet, we, you know, we don't have to go through all these like bureaucracies. We can, we can go on social media, we can, you know, promote our services or whatever it is that we want to do from ourselves. So, so that's definitely a huge, huge piece of it and of creating success for yourself. So then let's talk about comma. Getting into integrity, getting back into integrity with kama. This, I think the main thing here, this is like the pleasure and enjoyment one. The main thing here is fun. Ask yourself how it can be fun. And that's actually my word going into this year. This new year, as when we're recording it, it is January 3rd, 2022. So the, my word this year is fun and being able to just have fun in whatever I'm doing. And so even if it is part of my dharma, even if it is part of my purpose, doing things that really do light me up, that make, that allow me to feel that pleasure and enjoyment. Sometimes I don't even have to change anything that I'm actually doing. I just have to change my mindset around it and allow myself to feel the pleasure and enjoyment of the thing that I'm doing. Right. And so it's kind of twofold. How can I make this fun? And/or how, how can I make it fun in my mind? Um, so like, what can I do to make it fun? Or what do I need to do to make it fun in my mind, right? So that's the biggest thing I would say for that one.

I— how do you, how do you do that? So like a tedious— let's say you're doing a tedious task that's just necessary for, you know, running a business. And so how do you make it fun in your mind?

Oh yeah, so well, actually for that one I would probably do something more external. So I would light a candle, uh, and I would maybe— well, depending on the task, because a lot of times I need like perfect silence. Um, but if it's a super tedious thing and I like really don't have to think at all, I'll turn on like some music, um, something that makes me feel like luxuriating in it, you know, so it doesn't have to feel like so like I have to do this thing and I'm like a robot that has to get stuff done. I'm human and I can feel it at the same time.

I like that. That was a surprise answer, is you're talking about what can you do in your external environment to help your internal environment to modulate to that. And I think that's a really good idea. So if I'm having to upload a bunch of chart notes for example. Yeah. That's not very, very fun, but I can make the environment where I'm doing that fun. Like, and so we call this also in, in the work that I do, I call it a pattern interrupt, where it's like you can get stuck in the humdrum of monotony of tasks. And so you're talking about lighting a candle, changing the music. We could even talk about like relocating, or maybe like change your clothes into something that's like completely outrageous if you're just doing, you know, like put on your sequins or whatever would be—

I love that.

Yeah, I like that. Changing your external environment within your control. You know, you don't have to go to a spa or like sit in a pool, which would be great by the way, but you can do it in affordable ways. Um, maybe that are— or if you're in an office, like, you know, maybe you can change your mouse pad or, you know, just like something To get a giggle or to create that juiciness.

Yes, totally. I love that. I love the idea of like just being absurd. Yeah, creating more of that, uh, absurdity in our lives too. And like the childlike joy, the wonderment of like just life in general, right? That just like enjoying. And the other thing is if we're in like a conversation too, That we're like, either, okay, this is like draining me, like I don't feel good in this conversation, it's like spiraling into like lots of doom and gloom or negativity or whatever, uh, or it's like really boring. Ask yourself, how can I make this fun? How can I— or how can I like, you know— Yeah, well, I mean, I would say just how can I make it fun? Because then you can start to ask like better questions. You can start to ask questions about what lights the other person up, what they learned in, you know, the past year, or what kinds of things they're really excited about that are coming up for them, that kind of thing. And that makes the conversation a lot more fun, right? That's another example. And like some other things, I actually, I've been talking to my husband about this. where I'm like, okay, how can we just like make it all fun? And so even when we're like, you know, kind of like annoyed with each other, like, or just like not having the best like tone of voice, that kind of thing, like early in the morning or whatever, you know, if it's a real issue, we work through it. But if it's just like, we're just kind of like in a, eh, it's like, Are we being fun right now? And it just like immediately changes the energy. It's like, all right, how can we actually be fun in this moment right now? Um, and then we just kind of laugh about it. And so that can be helpful as well.

That's awesome. That's really good. So kama— pleasure, enjoyment, fun, external changes, internal changes.

Yeah. And so then the last one, of course, is moksha. Which is that like liberation and freedom from like the material world. It's you know kind of getting into more of like that spirituality side of things, feeling like we're not like bogged down. We don't have to have things go a certain way for us to be happy. We can allow ourselves to be with whatever is and know that we are everything is going to be at well. It doesn't even have to be that it's going to be okay. It's just as it is and accepting that. That's all that's all part of moksha. it's all part of that, like liberation and freedom. And so getting back into integrity with that, when we're feeling out of integrity, when we have that like soul sickness, or when we have that, where we don't, we don't feel we have that existential like crisis, essentially. And getting back into integrity with that looks like, it looks completely different for, for people. But Whatever, whatever it looks like for you, it's going to be something to do with like getting out of your own, your own issues, your own challenges, your own ego, whatever you want to like call it. I think of it as like my ego, but sometimes people don't really resonate with that word, and so you don't have to think of it in that way, but sort of getting out of our own like physical experience and having sort of that like broader perspective, essentially. And so what I would say for that is write a list of the ways that you might want to actually connect with your soul or your spirituality. Maybe religion doesn't resonate with you, maybe it really does resonate with you. Maybe Maybe there's like a certain religion that really resonates with you. Sometimes people like jump to a different religion than they grew up with, and that's totally fine if that is like what benefits you. Maybe it is something to do with, you know, some other spirituality realm. So I would, I would just start to really explore that. Explore what that could look like for you. That one's a little bit less tangible, so sorry I can't give you like a specific thing to do there because it's just so individual for people. But I would say you can still make a list. You can still make a list of all the things that might resonate with you and then circle the things that you're like, this is a yes. Maybe cross off the things that you're like, this is a no. And maybe just pursue the ones that you circle.

Not to sound cliché, um, things are cliché oftentimes when they are true, right? That's what makes them cliché. But I think a really easy— not easy, but a really straightforward solution that a listener can do right now is spend 5 minutes a day In silence.

Yes.

Where you're like not on a device, you're not consuming content, you're not consuming news, like literally just quiet. Um, I get my best ideas like as I'm falling asleep or in the shower, and there's such inopportune times for my best ideas, but I feel like it's because that's the only time that I'm willing to be bored. Is that only time where I'm quiet? And so I feel like a practical way that we can start to explore our soul and greater purpose and connectivity is to spend 5 minutes a day in silence.

Yes.

And maybe sit outside and look at the trees, or go in front of the window, or You know, travel, maybe go for a drive, whatever resonates with you and what you have time for. But 5 minutes, I— the research shows can make a huge— Yeah.

Oh my gosh, it makes a huge difference. And so I'm really glad you brought this up because this is, this is the habit that I do with my client. One of the habits that I have with my clients, um, is called sitting in silence. Yeah, it is not called meditation or mindfulness or prayer or whatever. It's called sitting in silence because that— it doesn't have to look a certain way. It doesn't have to look like we are, you know, chanting a certain thing or doing a specific, like, guided thing or doing, you know, making our minds, like, completely blank or anything like that. Like, just allow yourself to be in silence and, and like be with whatever comes. Like, you don't have to actually be like, oh, I'm not gonna think. You know, a lot of times the, uh, the methodology is like, when a thought comes through your mind, just like allow it to pass. But like, if you get attached to that thought, that's fine. Um, and so a lot of times, especially people who have a lot of pitta, again, which again we'll talk about in later episodes. But a lot of times when people have a lot of pitta, they're like really, really in their mind. They're trying to like think about all the things, but they're also trying to do it perfectly. They're also trying to like do the thing the way that you're quote unquote supposed to do it. And so they're like, they get really frustrated. This was like my story to a T. I was like, they would get more stressed trying to meditate than not meditating. Um, and so just allowing myself to, to, to not call it anything, to not think of it as anything that needed to happen, just sit there, that was like the biggest liberation for me. Um, and that definitely led to a lot more of my own like spiritual growth as well. So that is huge. Thank you for bringing that up.

I love that you actually call it that. That's awesome.

Yeah, yeah, sitting in silence. Sitting in silence. Yes. And it doesn't even have to be sitting either. Like you said, it can be, you know, walking or, uh, like driving, moving through the world. But a lot of times we listen to things, we don't allow ourselves to be in that silence. We are like listening to music or podcasts or, uh, audiobooks or whatever. And even if they're like, you know, super inspiring podcasts or books or music or whatever, sometimes we do still need that silence, and that can be our like connection with our spirituality or like the divine. And that's really awesome.

Yeah, that's really awesome for sure. So this sounds complicated though, so I, I know that you have a way of doing all of this with your clients That is a real relief because, you know, someone's listening to this conversation, they can— I imagine that it can feel very overwhelming. You've given us 2 practical lists, which I think is really helpful. Sitting in silence for 5 minutes a day, I think, sounds really practical and helpful. Um, but there's another topic that you teach about, and I was hoping that we could apply it to this conversation. Um, you call it easeful living.

Yes,

it doesn't have to be so complicated. How can we make it easier? How can we not try so hard and pitta our way into the pits of success, right? How do we— I've been saying so many puns lately, by the way. Tell us, tell us about that.

Yes, okay, so this is the thing that underlies everything that I teach because we really especially like in health and well-being and, and even in spirituality, like we overcomplicate. Well, we overcomplicate everything. A lot of times we really— it's like, well, that seems too easy, right? Like it can't be that easy to do, you know, to do this thing. But when we allow ourselves to orient to ease, and to ask ourselves, how easy can it be? that changes like everything. And so the habits that I coach my clients, and one of the habits is easeful living, but we also try to like embed that easeful living throughout all of the habits. So asking ourselves like, how easy can this be? It doesn't have to look any certain way. It can look like whatever I need it to look like. And so, so orienting to ease is really like the biggest thing here. So So we can kind of like juxtapose easeful living with stressful living. You know, a lot of times we make things into like a bigger deal than it needs to be, especially in our minds. Like, oh, you know, I'm not going to do that thing unless I can do it the way that I'm like quote unquote supposed to do it. So it's like, you know, if that's like eating a certain way, you know, going on a diet or doing something, you know, having like a workout program or Whatever it is, you know, a lot of times we are like, well, if I can't do it the way that it's supposed to be done, even if we're not like, well, I don't have to do it perfectly, but I do want to do it right, right? If we if we allow ourselves to completely break out of that paradigm and just allow it to look like whatever it's going to look like, and allow that easeful living to come in, life becomes a lot better, and we can. Incorporate that pleasure and enjoyment, we can incorporate the liberation and freedom. And those are just as important as that purpose, that fulfillment, the dharma. And it's just as important as the health and well-being of our physiology, of our physical, of our physical health, right. And so those are just as important to living a fulfilling life, to living, you know, to feeling successful, to being in integrity with ourselves. And so that's why, and I think it's also largely lacking in like our definition of success. We talked about in the last episode, like our success definition of like our current culture and like what we actually want to define success as. I think that this like sense of, like the sense of like pushing, pushing, pushing is what success, like our current society is telling us that success looks like is like we're like always like going hard, you know, like work hard, play hard, or, um, you know, uh, all of the different like pushing things that we have in like, well, the wellness world. Um, those are like what success is kind of, kind of looks like right now. And I think it's starting to shift, but I think this easeful living piece is kind of the, the keystone to all of the other things kind of falling into place a lot easier, right?

As you say, push hard, play hard, I'm thinking of this song that, that they play at the gym that I go to. Um,

yes,

and I think about like the whole movement. I'm in a lot of women's entrepreneurial groups and a lot of it's like how to, you know, bust your ass to be successful and how to be a boss babe. And I feel like a lot of the narrative around it is encouraging us to work hard. And I, I want to make sure that I point this out because you're not telling us to not work hard.

Right.

But there are ways to make it fun and there are ways to make it efficient and there are ways to make it easy so that you have the space to work hard where you need to work hard. So I think that's really important to emphasize.

Yeah, yes, totally. Yeah, I think, um, I, I mean, and I think that this is where like burnout happens, right? It's, it's like we don't allow ourselves that easeful living. We don't allow ourselves to like have fun with what we're doing. Um, and And yeah, I think we, you know, I like an example from my life is like, I went to U of M, University of Michigan, and like the motto there was like, work hard, play hard. And there's no rest hard in there. And I was the sickest I have ever been when I was in college. It was like, You know, you're working so hard for school, you're, you know, busting it at the library till really late, and then going out and like partying. You know, all of these things that neither of these things are like, like actually like filling our vessels back up, right? And so we're depleting ourselves in the work hard piece, we're depleting ourselves in the play hard piece. Um, and none of them actually made us— made any of us feel like really good. Um, and so, so that was like a really big example of like, you know, being out of integrity. Uh, even when there were like classes that I really loved, that I was like, felt like I was in integrity with like sort of dharma, kind of like my purpose, all of the other things were so out of integrity that like my health suffered, my My physical health suffered, my mental health suffered, my spiritual health suffered. And, you know, all of the— I felt very out of integrity, and I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life for myself. And so, yeah, so I think that, that this easeful living really, really can come into play. And, and like, we can work hard in alignment, and then it doesn't feel like as hard of work. We're like, we're efforting, we're putting forth effort, but it doesn't feel like we're forcing. So we're efforting but not forcing. So that's kind of the difference here with easeful living, if that makes sense.

I love that. I want to know more. Keep talking. This is super good. You're efforting but not forcing. This is really all of— all for me, all y'all. This is all for me.

I love it. Oh my gosh. So again, so this is where that list can come in. And I feel like this is going to be really good for you. Um, to make that list of like where in— I mean, and you can do this even if you feel like you're in a job that feels like this is my purpose. You can refine it even more so that you're doing more of the things that feel like this is my dharma, this is my purpose. So you can make a list of all the things that you do in your job that make you feel so lit up. And like, okay, more of this. And then obviously you can create strategies to be able to do more of that and to maybe delegate out the other things or to automate things so that you don't have to do as much of that stuff. But I think a lot of times we think like, oh, you know, I have to do this, like this, this drudgery. And of course there are some things that we have to do that aren't like the most fun thing in the world, but again, we can make it fun by, you know, playing some music and lighting a candle and dressing up in a costume, whatever feels really good for us. Um, and then it doesn't feel like we're forcing nearly as much. Um, you know, I still feel like I'm forcing when I'm trying to do my taxes, but I am going to this year be Getting some help with that. Awesome. And so that's where I'm, where I'm not going to be forcing as much, right? And so, you know, especially when you're starting out with or doing things that you're like, okay, most of the things that I'm doing are not what I want to be doing, creating that list can be really helpful for like actually getting into the things that you can, you want to put effort into, but you don't want to have to force yourself to do.

Yeah, I'm gonna make that list. So what do I do in my job that lights me up? What can I delegate or automate?

Yes. Yeah, anything that like— and even if it's like something that you're like, I don't mind doing this, but it doesn't light you up, because those are the things that are kind of insidious. Those are the things that are like, oh, you know, it's fine, but it doesn't allow you to live in that place of like flow or like, you know, joy, pleasure, enjoyment, or even purpose, like dharma, because you're doing the things that aren't necessarily your like zone of genius. And so even the things that you're kind of like, it's fine, write those things down too as things that you might want to explore delegating or Um, or like automating that kind of thing.

I'm making notes. If you guys hear the clipping and clopping of the keyboard, I'm writing notes. I hope you are too as you're listening to this conversation. Take notes, get out a piece of paper, open the notepad on your phone, write this down. This is rich. All right, what's next? What's next? We're talking about automation, we're talking about making this simple, we're talking about How to be successful by being in integrity. And so we've talked about, you know, being in integrity in mind, body, spirit, and we've talked about all the different pieces of the puzzle. We have some tangible assignments from Hadley to do, and now Hadley is making a case that it doesn't have to be so complicated.

Yes. The other piece here is— so there's easeful living, and then the other piece here is automation. And so we won't like go super deep into like how to actually automate everything. Um, again, you can check out my course for that because that's like what we do is help you automate the health habits that you want to have in order to like not have to think about them so much. But essentially automation is making it so that you can stop having decision fatigue. You can stop like having to be like, should I do this or should I do this? Um, so what that looks like with like health and well-being is being able to automate our habits. So like, you know, you are always exercising, you know, or you're always meditating at this time, or you're always— and it doesn't have to look a certain way, of course, but you're automating it so that it doesn't have to be like, oh man, I don't know if I want to do it today, or like, I don't know, I don't know what thing I should do, or that kind of thing. Instead, you're just automating it so that it doesn't have to be like a decision every single time. And that takes time. It definitely takes time and iteration. And, you know, some guidance maybe also, but that makes life so much easier too. So that plus ease for living are like kind of the, kind of the thing that can, can make health and wellness like so much easier. And then you can also create automation in other areas of your life too. It doesn't have to be health and wellness. It can be in your job. It can be like automation. Okay, I'm— I do this thing before I look at emails every morning, or like, you know, whatever you want it to look like. Um, automating those things are going to make it a lot easier. And then the last thing that's going to make it a lot easier as well to be in integrity with all of these things that we've been talking about is creating your community, creating your like dream team, and not being afraid to ask for help. So this is, this is huge. Like, I used to think that I was supposed to be able to do it all on my own. And I thought that I was supposed to be able to, you know, read a book and then like apply all of the principles of the book. And like, I, you know, would be fine after that, right? I didn't ask for any help from my friends, my family, a coach, a therapist. I didn't do any of that. And it was really, really, really hard. And so, so I think in our current society, this is, this is starting to change too. People, especially with like mental health in the past couple of years, people have been talking about it a lot more and getting the help that we need and stuff is becoming— it's more in the conversation now. But really, if you— if there's any area of your life that you want to uplevel in, don't be afraid to ask for help with that. One of the, um, one of the like ground rules that I have with my clients is called, uh, reach out when you tweak out. And so if If you're feeling like— yeah.

That's funny. I like that.

So if you're feeling like, oh my gosh, I can't, you know, a lot of times we start to like self-isolate. We start to be like, go back into ourselves when really what we just need to do is like reach out, ask for help. And the thing that we were making a really big deal in our minds, usually just the act of reaching out Makes it a lot smaller, but then also actually receiving help is huge. So what I would say here is, you know, ask for help where you need to from friends and family who you know can actually provide that help. I wouldn't like— I wouldn't ask people to do things that you know they're not going to be able to do and then just feel resentful of them because sometimes that happens. Um, you know, I would also ask for help from professionals as well, especially if you know that like people in your life aren't going to be able to help you with certain things. And being respectful of the fact that they're not going to be able to help you, they're not trained to be able to help you with certain things. Um, but I would definitely create that dream team. Again, I'm a big fan of making lists for all these things. So like Write down like who you might be able to ask for help with. You know, feel when you're feeling maybe you're feeling out of integrity with your health and well-being. Who could you ask for help with that? Is it going to be a therapist? Is it going to be a naturopath? Is it going to be a coach? Is it going to be you know an online course or whatever whatever it is? Um, write that down. You know, if, if you can get help with your dharma, figuring out your dharma, your purpose, maybe do some research to see like, how can I get help with this? Um, maybe if you're feeling out of integrity with that, like pleasure and enjoyment, there are, there are definitely things that you can do with therapists, online courses, all of— just do some research on like what might help you with those things. Um, same with moksha, or the liberation, the freedom, the spirituality piece of things, um, as well. So, so that's what I would say for that. Create your dream team, create that, like, that net of support for yourself, and allow yourself to just like lean back into that. That's a huge piece of this easeful living, so you don't have to feel like you're so alone. So That's the biggest thing. Those 3 things.

And you've done some of this providing space, because as I'm thinking about it, there's, uh, a whole concept that I teach on is called the House of Boundaries, where—

Yes.

It helps us figure out what people should be in our world, if they're safe, if they're valuable for us, if they're protagonists in our story or antagonists in our story. And And, you know, I think that finding people that you really trust and, you know, going and being a part of their community is really wise. And so you have this community set up where you help people with all of these Ayurvedic habits. And I really like it because you do it individual and group. And so people can meet like-minded other individuals and kind of vet them out throughout the group. And I have an anxiety Freedom Course. That's a private group that people can be in. And so I think that, you know, as you're, as you're trying to create your, your clan, your tribe, your group of people, your family, um, is being really mindful about it. And actually, can I— do you mind if I interject and just talk really quickly about the House of Boundaries since I just brought it up?

Please do. Why not? Yes, yes, yeah, absolutely.

Boundaries. Think about boundaries in terms of personal limits. Boundaries aren't to keep people out, but rather to protect your limitations and what you want in and what you can't. And so imagine, so imagine drawing a floor plan of a house and the house is going to have a front porch, a living room, a kitchen, and a bedroom. Those are the required rooms. Mm-hmm. And each room of your floor plan, it represents different levels of intimacy. And so your front porch is the rea— the interactions that you would have with random people like the mailman or the FedEx delivery woman or the person at the grocery store that is helping you bag your groceries. It's just people with whom you interact that you don't know very well. These are front porch people. Uh, conversations are general, they're fairly closed-ended, they're positive, they're not very intimate, they're just friendly. And then you go about your day. And then there's a door, and the door is between the living room and the front porch. And so the door, imagine, has a velvet rope. And so you're getting into a super swanky club. Ooh. And that's, that's the cable, the cable that has to be opened in order to get into your house. And so that stands for CABLE's mnemonic. It's C for communication, A for acknowledgement, B for boundaries, L for listening, and E for empathy. And I have a whole video on this, so I'm kind of blasting through it quickly.

Mm-hmm.

But the CABLE criteria, the person that you are interacting with has to satisfy all of the criteria to even get into your house. So they have to be able to communicate well. They have to be able to acknowledge what you're saying. They have to have good boundaries themselves, and they have to respect your boundaries. They have to be able to listen to you as they're speaking, and they have to have empathy for themselves, you, and others. So if the person that you're thinking about letting into your world satisfies those criteria, then they get to go into the living room. And the living room is where you will bring people into your home. You can watch a football game, you can play board games, It's a type of relationship that's fun. It's a little bit more about preferences, like, hey, I like green. Oh, well, I prefer blue. Well, I think we can live with that. You know, it's, it's opinions and preferences that are a little bit less intimate, right? And then after 30 days, you know, every room you have a waiting period of 30 days, just station of 30 days, and then they can qualify to go up into the next room if If they do satisfy the criteria. So the next room is the kitchen, and that's a more intimate room. It's where you share a meal, you talk about concerns. This is where you can have conversations about maybe more controversial things like politics or religion, because these people have— they've satisfied kind of the test of time. And then the last room is the bedroom, and some of us don't have anybody else in our bedroom, and some of us, the dog is the only one allowed. or our partner. Um, and that's the most intimate room in your metaphorical house. That's your deepest, darkest secrets. It's your most personal fears and worries and vulnerabilities and longings. This is the deepest part of your soul, and that room requires quite a lot of intimacy for anyone to be allowed in there. And so that's the house of boundaries in a nutshell. And so what you're talking about in finding our our tribe. It's about making sure that who you're bringing in are people who are going to add to your life and support you. And I also like that you're kind of talking about people who are in— who are trying to live the life that we want to live, people who are in alignment with maybe our dharma or can support us in karma and these different things.

Yeah, yeah. And like You know, I think it's really important to not try to seek out the things that we need from people that we know won't be able to give it. Like, it's not respectful of ourselves, and it's not respectful of the other person either. Like, you know, it's not like they're bad or wrong or whatever. It's just that they aren't going to be able to provide that for us. And so acknowledging that and being like, Okay, you know that they're not going to be able to fulfill that need for me. Like, where can I go? Maybe they stay on the porch, and so where can I go to to get that need actually fulfilled? And so you know a lot of times that'll be people who are you know who maybe like we've like grown up with people we've known for a long time that maybe aren't able to. fulfill the needs that we actually need, that's when we need to like go out and find those different things. And I think it is so important that we find those people that are doing the same, like they have the same values, the same goals, the same things that they really want to have in their life. So, you know, if the thing that I like to say is like, you know, if everyone had the same— had the habits that you wanted to have, like, you would have those habits, right? Like, if all of your friends meditated, like, you would probably also meditate. Or like, if your family members never gossiped and like, were like constantly practicing like non-judgment as their norm, that would be your norm too, likely. Um, you know, if you, if you were constantly surrounded by people who are like eating nourishing food, you would probably do that too. And like, so if you can get in a community of people who are doing all of those things, you're gonna be way more likely to be able to do that, even if it's online. It can be online, it can be in person, um, but being in community is such a huge, huge piece of this as well. So yeah,

yeah. And that, that can make it more easeful because you've got people at your back. Yeah,

exactly. Yes. Yes. So easeful living, automation, and community are going to help us to actually get into integrity with all of these things.

And we promised at the beginning of this conversation that you were going to walk away with 3 things. And I really feel like you've, you've helped us with that, Hadlee, and more. And so just to kind of recap, is we talked about what being in integrity means, that state of being whole and undivided. We talked about how being in integrity is essential for success, and I'm 110% convinced, and hopefully you listeners are too. And then we finished up with how to get into integrity. And the next conversation is going to be— we're going to be expanding on this, and we're going to actually dive a little bit more into what Ayurveda is. You know, we've We've kind of dabbled around the periphery. And so if you've— if you're interested, and if you're kind of curious to learn more about this, the next interview, the next conversation is going to be so good. And it's called the Intro— Introduction to Ayurveda and Why It's Relevant in the Modern Age. And I'm super excited about this conversation. And so be sure to take the quiz, make your lists. And if you haven't bookmarked this podcast or the series, be sure to do that. And then we also have a mini course where we dive into a ton, a ton of really fascinating, awesome detail. You'll get a book. And so if this is your jam, then definitely please check out the mini course. We worked really hard to create that for you, and it supports the, the really wonderful work that we're doing. Hadlee, anything else that you can think of as we finish up today?

Oh man, I don't think so. I think we've covered So much ground today. I'm so excited for you guys to all really take stock, like, of where you feel like you're in and out of integrity in these 4 different areas of your life, and then take stock of where you can actually start to change these things. I think it's going to be really, really helpful, and I think it's going to be really exciting for you to start to think about these kinds of things. Um, I know I always nerd out on all of this. So, so it's definitely exciting for me, but I hope that you also get jazzed on it as well. So good luck. Good luck with your lists. And we will definitely, we'll definitely talk more about all of this in the mini course as well as in future episodes. So stay tuned.

Thank you so much. We'll see you all soon.

Thank you. Bye everyone. Bye.