Orgasmic Manifestation: How to integrate sexuality and self-love with Venus O'Hara | Ep. 144

Hey, Hadlee.

Yeah.

What happens when a recovering hyper-religious Dutch person, an ex-neophyte who's only slept with one person, and an orgasmic holistic self-healing guru get together?

I don't know what happens.

Ha! You'll just have to listen and find out because this was a conversation, right?

Oh my gosh, it was so good. And I would recommend definitely listening until the end because that's where like the juiciest part happens. So you guys—

Pun intended.

Yeah, the juiciest. You guys definitely want to listen to the end. It's Such a good conversation. We are interviewing Venus O'Hara, and she is a multifaceted personality in the realm of sexual wellness and empowerment. She describes herself as the creator of the orgasmic lifestyle, and she lives by the motto, every day is a climax. So she has a great podcast. She also recently wrote a book called Orgasmic Manifestation, and Oh, I cannot wait to read it. I haven't read it yet because it's not in English yet, but it's coming out very soon, if not already out by the time this podcast episode comes out. So definitely check it out. And we talk about all of the concepts in there. She's an author. She is actually also a sex toy tester and designer. She's a brand ambassador for brands in the sexual wellness industry. And she's also a content creator with her podcast and her YouTube channel. She's also just got great, a great energy. You guys are gonna love her. Um, she's also an advocate for, um, feminism, veganism. She's a yogini. Um, all, all sorts of amazing things. Like I said, she's multifaceted. Um, and her, her mission is to help women eroticize their desire and achieve orgasmic independence. So I think you're gonna really, really love this episode, um, even if you're like very tentative about like, you know, about sex, sexuality, um, you know, like we said at the beginning, it's— we were not always this open, open-minded to these kinds of things. And so we talk about all of that on this episode and, uh, and get, get right into it.

I'm excited. You ready? Let's jump in.

Let's do it.

So tell me about— tell us about your journey of becoming a sexual wellness content creator. How did you end up here? There are so many directions that we go in our lives, and this is the direction that yours is taking, at least currently. Well,

it's been 15 years, actually. It's been 15 years or 16 years this summer. And I wouldn't say it was a path that I chose. the path chose me. I, I was in some very, um, desperate circumstances where this was my best option. So imagine how bad those circumstances were. I was living in Barcelona, where I— well, I still am today, and I was working in luxury real estate at the worst time, which— this was 2007, 2008, 2009. I was working commission only, and I was like this. I mean, I had, um, You know, nothing was selling, and I had a rat infestation in my apartment. I had— and I was in luxury real estate. Imagine, I had like an empty fridge, and then I was in luxury apartments all day, and people were measuring, where am I going to put my projector? You know, and I was like, oh my God, how am I going to eat? You know, so— Yeah, just buy the— make an offer. Just make an offer. It was desperate times. And a lot of my clients, they were expats and they were buying with cash, you know, just investment properties. And a lot of them had online businesses. And this is a time when the words, you know, influencer didn't really exist. Blogging was a kind of a new concept. And I was really intrigued by that. One of my best friends was a WordPress guru. So I didn't even know what WordPress was back then. And, but prior to working in real estate, I was working in printing. I was an offset printer and I started in an export department. And because I speak 4 languages, so I was starting an export department from zero, printing books. I love books, and I'm not very technical, and I printed out a list of publishers in London from Yahoo Business, and I looked at the list, and out of the list pops fetish erotic, and I was like, okay, I'm gonna go and visit these people. So in 2004, a very long time ago, I actually went to London for a week and met all these people, and I just loved how who were having business meetings and just speaking about printing erotic books in a very matter-of-fact way. And I just thought it was very refreshing, um, coming from, you know, Catholic upbringing, a lot of, you know, repression. And I was like, wow. And I always felt that, um, my sexuality wasn't represented because at the time in the early 2000s, there were lots of erotic memoirs that were, let's say, glamorizing a kind of masculine, promiscuous type of sexuality. You know, there's— I mean, I, I find those books intriguing as well, but I didn't— I don't think that, um, real liberation is kind of like acting like a man kind of thing. That might sound a bit simplistic, but I— my message has always been about tapping into your own pleasure. Uh, it's not about I'm gonna act like I don't care and I'm gonna have lots of sex with lots of people. It was more about just really real— the real pleasure. And I didn't see that being represented in a way You know, there wasn't extreme. I mean, I don't think that my sexuality is extreme at all. So, um, I started to, um, collaborate with one of my clients in London who was an erotic publisher. I was a fetish model for a while. I just loved it. I loved him being the muse. Um, but I was also the art director of my photos. And in Barcelona, while I was in— then I went to real estate, I was a fetish model at the weekend. So that was kind of like my side hustle, and I just gathered a lot of pictures And I learned about SEO, so I put two and two together and started a sex blog. I sold 2 properties, left the job, and then just like, now or never, I'm going to start a sex blog. And then within 5 weeks, I had my first book deal. So it all kind of— it was a big, big risk. But I think, you know, if you believe in spiritual terminology or how things work with the universe, once you're on the right path, things just come. And that's exactly what it was like for me. Yeah, and then over the years, um, I got a— I landed a column in GQ, GQ Spain. I've never written in Spanish before, so it's like, oh my God, I mean, I was getting all these opportunities coming to me which were kind of crazy. And then I was in El País for several years, the biggest newspaper. I've written one of over 100 articles for El País, and I've published, um, 4 books in total in Spain. Um, so, and then my journey like 10 years ago, because I was very well known in Spanish media I started to receive free sex toys, um, from erotic shops in, um, erotic stores in Spain, and they wanted me to do some advertising on my own website. So then I kind of dialed back a bit on my media collaborations and started working more on my website. And then I started to do— I was the first person to do sex toy reviews in Spain in Spanish, and then I started doing them in English and working with brands. And then a brand asked me to do videos, so I started my YouTube channel. That was in 2014. And then my Spanish kind of content went right down, and then I went global, and now my audience is US-based, like 98%. So then I had a spiritual awakening in 2018, and that completely changed my perspective on sexuality and orgasm, because orgasm was my first— or I say I started with fetish, then it went to female orgasm. And then when I became spiritual, I realized that there was another dimension of sexuality that I hadn't discovered. And in my book, Orgasmic Manifestation, I come up with— I describe 3 levels of sexuality. And this is a modality that I've invented myself. So level 1 is overcoming trauma and shame. Level 2 is pleasure and intimacy and procreation, if you like. And then level 3 is power and manifestation and healing. So that's kind of another level that I discovered in 2018, and I was like, oh my God, it's a whole new level. So that's where I'm at now.

Yeah. How did you discover that? Can you tell us a little bit more about the orgasmic manifestation and how that all came about?

Yeah, well, that was a very hard— that was another time. I think pain is the greatest teacher in life, and I was at another time in my life where things were kind of quite difficult. I was living in Barceloneta. You must know Barceloneta, which is a place by the beach, which sounds amazing. I was in a penthouse apartment, but it's a very humble neighborhood. Yeah. And I was up 90 steps. I was on the 6th floor with no lift. And I was always cold, always hungry. I had no pillow. I was in a tiny apartment, like 20 square meters. And I mean, my toilet was on the side. I had to kind of go to the toilet on the side. It was so tiny. But these things that, you know, make good ingredients for future memoirs, you know. And so one weekend I was just so desperate because I had constant, you know, neck ache. I was hungry. And I was invited to a dinner that was going to be €15, and I couldn't really afford to go. And I was like, oh my God, what do I do? I'm so lonely, but I've got this dinner. So I just thought, I'm gonna go anyway. And that was the last time I actually worried about money, which was very, very empowering because I went to this dinner and at the end of it, this guy said, oh, we're going for cocktails. I'll get you a cocktail. I was like, really? Thank you, thank you. And then after the cocktail, I walked home in the rain with no umbrella. I couldn't even afford to get a taxi. I was like, oh my God, desperate. And the next day was a Saturday. I went to the beach and just watched these rough waves and I thought, oh my God, something's gotta change in my life. So that's when I went to, self-help searches online, and I discovered Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. And that is the book that's changed my life, because in that book there is a chapter called The Mystery of Sex Transmutation. And I was like, I'm a sexpert, I've been a sexpert for 9 years, how come I don't know about this? And in it, it talks about how to harness and channel sexual energy towards your goals. So I thought that was really fascinating. I thought, oh my God, I'm a sex toy reviewer, I need to start doing something with my sexual energy. Um, so, but that, that sexual transmutation is a form of, um, orgasm denial because there's no actual stimulation or orgasm in it. It's just basically like, in simple terms, just maybe guiding it or, you know, channeling your energy towards a goal without having a physical outlet or a sexual outlet. So if you're horny, instead of, instead of like having sex, you would write your book or go to the gym, you know, so you would engage or that energy into a different type of action. And I thought, that's great, but that's orgasm denial. So I kept searching online and I discovered a video by Teal Swan, who's a spiritual influencer. And this video's called How to Manifest with Orgasms. I was like, okay, okay, now we're talking. And that weekend, I was just having an orgasm thinking about avocados and cashews because they're kind of expensive. I was like imagining, you know, sort of salivating. And then the next day on a Monday, this random money arrived in my bank account that I wasn't expecting, and I could go to the supermarket and get my cashews and avocados. I thought, oh wow. So that month of March, I had 62 orgasms, one in the morning, one in the night. I was really focused on growth and collaborations and emails and, you know, with proposals and things like that. So I really focused. And then within 3 months, my life just started completely changing. I mean, really changing.

Yeah. That's amazing. And so, so some of the people who are listening to this, some of our audience members, they are in that first tier where it's like, I'm stuck in shame. This, this is a dream to have an orgasm a week, let alone multiple orgasms throughout the week. And it may feel like a jump. To get there. So we all need your book. Thankfully you've written it down for us. Can you speak a little bit more to those people that are listening to your story and they're like, that feels so far for me that it's like so painful to even dream about that? Where do, where do those people get started?

I think the first place to start is getting a sex toy. I think that's the first place to start. Um, I think it's just so powerful to actually connect with your own body and your own pleasure. And I always say that orgasm is never the objective, it's pleasure. And just kind of relaxing into, you know, with your breathing and just connecting with your body. I think, I think a lot of people are disconnected from their bodies. And I actually created a meditation called Clitoral Gratitude Affirmations because I believe that if you understand how incredible the clitoris is, you will overcome the shame that you might have because there are 8,000 nerve endings. Um, it's the only organ for pleasure. So once you kind of— it's like having this gift from God and you're not really using it. So I think you having some gratitude for that part and just cupping your vulva and just knowing, having real ownership of your body. And nowadays there are lots of resources that you can find, like guided masturbations, not just guided meditation, but guided masturbations. And they're just so empowering because, you know, normally masturbation is just like hand or toy to vulva. You know, we don't actually engage in solo seduction, self-seduction, or self-foreplay. And these guided masturbations will guide you to like touch your breasts or touch around or breathe a certain way. So breathe— the breathing always helps, and just caressing. And also I think ritualizing. I'm a big fan of ritualizing things. For example, having a bath, having some candles and nice music, and really creating an experience around it. And, um, I would say if someone's not had an orgasm, um, just to spend 15 minutes just touching and just connecting. And then once the 15 minutes is over, stop. I don't think we should be focusing on, I need to have an orgasm. That's like— pressure will probably stop it from happening. So once you really truly connect with pleasure, one day it's just gonna surprise you, I think.

Yeah, that's That's so awesome. I mean, we talk a lot about self-massage on this podcast, and not in a sexual way, but just getting to know our bodies through like massaging oil into our bodies. And, I think it's so underrated, like the getting to know our bodies. You know, people talk about self-love and body positivity and all of that kind of thing, but— Yeah. If we don't have a ritualistic, or not even a ritualistic, but just a relationship with our bodies where we are touching our bodies and tuning into how our bodies are feeling, then the body love, like all of that, it's kind of like platitudes. It's not actually embodied. It's not actually intrinsic. So I love what you're saying about that. Yeah. And I think that's a great place for people to start.

Because I think body positivity is not just about liking what you see in the mirror. It's about liking how it feels. So I always encourage people to sleep naked. I think that's a really good thing to do. Never wear underwear in bed. Like, let the yoni breathe. And just in general, I think being naked as much as possible is a really good thing to do. And I mean, I live alone and, um, you know, in the summer in Barcelona, I just know I just don't wear clothes from June to like October or something. But it's just such a nice feeling to have the window open and just being caressed by the breeze, you know. So I think just once you engage or appreciate those sensations, um, because it's about— not about so much about sexuality, it's about sensuality as well. And I think coconut oil is the best thing you know, for connecting with your skin and, um, yeah, caressing.

But what would you— what is the difference between sexuality and sensuality?

I think, um, well, sexuality will be more, I would say, focused on stimulation of like breasts and genitals, whereas sensuality can be anywhere. And what's really interesting about sensuality is that if you engage in, let's say, a tantric massage or You can discover parts of your body you did not know were erogenous, such as around your ankles, or even exploring soft touch, or even like this part between your fingers. If someone licks you here, it's like kind of cunnilingus. Try it. It's just so incredible. Like this part here.

For those who are listening, it's not—

Get someone else to do it. But like, just between these 2 fingers.

She's pointing between the pointer finger and the middle finger.

Exactly. Yeah. And just like very soft, like, ooh, it's a tingle. So I think exploring all of these parts of our bodies and the nape of the neck. And also with the breasts, not just going for the breasts, but around, like, drawing this imaginary bra or drawing these imaginary panties or something. That's just super sensual. Rather than going straight to the area, there's just so much you can do.

I think about how we— so Hadlee and I just had a conversation with somebody who was saying just start from a place of neutrality.

Yeah.

If we could just get to a place of neutral, then that is something that we can work with. Versus I think about my own programming and my own upbringing, it was very much super Dutch Missouri Synod. And what that translated into, at least in my family culture, is that sexuality in women is only okay with your one male partner. And that anything outside of that would make you like a Lilith, you know, like the forbidden Lilith. And so then suddenly we get married and we're told like, now you're supposed to desire sex, you're supposed to desire it with your husband, and it should be for procreation.

Mm-hmm.

And so this whole conversation and this whole narrative turns everything that you're describing, this freedom, this connection with our with our bodies, with this amazing gift that we've been given. It's the opposite of that. And so if we can get ourselves to a place, I think, of neutrality, of being curious about what do I want my sexuality to look like, as opposed to what have I been told perhaps that it should be like, that can be that root of shame. And feeling really embarrassed or really insecure, guilty for experiencing pleasure is if we start at neutral and work our way up from there, at least as you're describing everything, that feels like it would be more accessible. And I think that's what you dig into in that first tier a little bit more of, right?

Yeah. Because I think not everyone who's had sexual trauma— I mean, not everyone's had sexual trauma, but I think most people have had sexual shame at some level. But I do believe that these practices make you a better lover with— when you're in that loving context. Because I think once you're accepting your body, enjoying your body, it's not just a service for the partner. And I always say in many of my workshops that I have this workshop called The Gift of Pleasure, and we talk about this sex sequence, which is, uh, kiss, caress, undress, optional oral sex, penetration, male orgasm, game over. And, and I think if you— that's how I would say 98% of sexual encounters happen. And no wonder people get bored, or no wonder women are not having orgasms. So I really believe in ex— you know, removing the penetration element and just taking that pressure off and just really exploring other things without an agenda. I don't like the word foreplay. Foreplay can be very, you know, complete. So having a session of erogenous exploration And just taking turns blindfolds, exploring sensuality can be so profound. Because if it's always like, you know, in a situation where you're tired and someone's caressing you, you know, they just want to have like penetration, that can be like, oh no, you know. So I think it's just really good to explore different things. I think that's what keeps spark alive, you know, in, in longer term, long-term relationships. So I'm really a proponent of actual you know, monogamous relationships and exploring the depth over, over time. I think things get better the more— when the emotional connection grows and grows. So I really do believe in that. I do, I do think these things, these things can go together, like that solo exploration and, you know, really that self-knowledge as well. I think that really does go hand in hand with what we've been taught traditionally. I just think it makes it better because if you're both tuned in. Imagine, I just think, not having body shame. I mean, that means you can have the lights on. Lights off can be hot as well, but having the lights on and being okay with being on top, not worrying about what your body looks like. I have a friend who's quite curvy, and she was saying that when she's on all fours, that she's thinking, oh, the guy's going to think my ass is huge. That's a good thing, isn't it? I mean, that situation, that's a beautiful angle as well for a woman, I think. So I think just embracing your body is really a big part of enjoyment. Also, with your partner is going to notice that as well. If you're always like, oh, covered up, then—

Yeah. Oh, I remember back in college, like, I wouldn't let my now husband even touch my stomach. Like, you know, everything else was okay. But like, yeah, like, you know, when we were cuddling even, it was like, don't touch my stomach. And it was— I mean, it was really healing to have a partner who was so like, I want to see you. I want to, like, experience your full body and everything. But I think that's the story for so many women, especially men too. But so many women where it's like, there's not just shame around sex itself, but there's shame around their bodies in general. And— Yeah. And so would— Would you want to tell us a little bit about that second phase then? So once you kind of heal your relationship with your body, your relationship with sex, and, you know, there's no necessarily like— I'm sure you talk about like an end goal of like, okay, I healed it, now I'm like ready to move on to the next thing. Check. Yeah. Um, I think

it's just good to acknowledge that, that part and, um, you know, try and work on it. I mean, I don't think perfection is the goal in healing at all. I just think it's just acknowledgement and growth and, you know, awareness. I think that really helps. Um, but I think, um, I would say just pleasure is a goal. I would say pleasure is the goal and just relaxation. Then orgasm will come as a result of that. But, um, that, that's what I thought was the top goal before I discovered orgasm manifestation, because my work has always been about empowering women to Prioritize pleasure. That's been like the most important thing for me. And in all the content I've made, I mean, I've received so many messages over the years for women who tell me, I got my first sex toy because of you. Or even a woman telling me that I got my first orgasm because of you. Because I have this kind of protocol. I have a modality. I will make a course one day. I do have some kind of protocols about how to have your first orgasm. And I've tested it out on several women. It's not a hands-on thing, it's just a theory thing. But it's just I mean, um, with some women that I know personally, I've given them these guidelines and I said, have you tried? Have you tried? They're like, no, no, no. Then one day, and the look on their face, the way they walk. I mean, it's not just about sexual pleasure. I think it just— you walk differently. I think you carry yourself in a much more confident way. I think it's life-changing to become orgasmically independent. And I think as when you do connect with yourself, Mm-hmm. You make much better emotional decisions. Because I think we all know someone, or we've all been in a situation where we are in a sexually explosive relationship with someone who's emotionally toxic. I mean, have you— I mean, that's quite common. I, I do think when you get that one person who's just making you go crazy, you know, it's difficult to replace that kind of electric, you know, connection. And then sometimes the toxic element can make the sex better, and it's not good to be in that cycle. And that's what happened to me because I, I've always been a very sexual person, and it's been something that wasn't always empowering for me. So sometimes I was choosing guys because of the amazing sex. And I was with a guy that, um, in my mid-20s, who was just like— honestly, we had the most incredible time, but we had massive arguments as well. And the arguments were really out of control. And I did not like the person I was becoming in these arguments. And I realized that, um, I have to stop this pattern. So I bought myself my first sex toy, and, and that, and that's what really empowered me. Because, I mean, it was really funny. It's a really funny story. I was, um, I left— I was living with this guy, so, you know, it was really— the arguments I couldn't escape were, you know, in, in the same house. But then I went to live with a friend, and we were watching Sex and the City, and there's that famous episode when they get the rabbits. And me and my flatmate were like, we were like, let's go and get some rabbits. So we went to the shop and we bought the same rabbit. We not bought the same one, but like this in 2, obviously one each. And then we went home. Matching. Yeah. And then we both went to our bedrooms and I'm like, nothing's happening. Then I went to the sofa and I was waiting for her and she was in her room for ages. And then she came, comes out and says, wow, it's amazing. As if she was in a trance. And I was like, it was my idea, you know, it was my idea and nothing happened. So I, I kept trying on and off for 6 months. Every time I was was a little bit horny. And then 6 months later, just this— it completely surprised me. Now what I realized was it's a mind-body connection. You don't just get a sex toy and put it on your genitals and expect an orgasm. It's like signing up for the gym. You don't just buy, get the membership and get fit. You've got to put the work in. And I had to put the work in in terms of mind-body connection, exploring my erotic imagination. But once I did it, I was absolutely blown away. I really, um, I didn't have that urgency to go on dating websites or just have, you know, sex with like people I didn't really care about. So, um, it just became— it became a very different thing for me, you know. So I only had like meaningful connections from that point. Yeah. So I think it might help me to make better connections, better decisions, because people— some people think, you know, sex toys are replacing humans. I think they're replacing the bad in the bad sex. I mean, that's how I would like to see it. So So I think that's really empowering. So once you kind of connect with yourself, you're not going to have that, because that lonely, horny feeling can be quite dangerous. When you're lonely and horny and you're going on dating apps or dating sites, you're meeting a stranger and you don't even tell your friends where you are. I mean, it's potentially quite dangerous as well. No one talks about that. So I think it's good to kind of get out of that danger zone and make better decisions and then More empowering decisions. Because, I mean, sex can be very awkward when you're with someone you don't really know, you know.

Yeah. And you were talking about how you were in this pattern with a person, and the sex is great, but the fights were really intense, and you didn't like the person that you were becoming. And then was it after that relationship that there's that period of 6 months of kind of like your recalibration?

Yeah, I mean, I'm— I was connecting with, with toys more and, um, and also seeing like, what do I want? Because I was at a time in my life where I realized that I was always choosing based on sexual attraction and maybe if they weren't the right types of connections. But then I went to a completely different— because I mean, every relationship teaches you something. But then the next guy I was with was the opposite And sex just didn't work out at all. And that was like the opposite type of problem. So that was an experience. I'm kind of glad I've had that experience because I can speak from experience of being with a guy who has a low libido, which was like, oh my God, it's very hard. Yeah, that wasn't very hard at all, unfortunately.

The opposite of that. Yeah.

Are you familiar with the writer David Deida?

And a lot of my guests on my podcast have recommended his book, especially the male relationship coaches. They all recommend his book. But there's one book that I would like to read, Dear Lover, which is for women.

Yeah, that's a good one.

It's interesting. It feels— what I know of it, I had my husband read The Way of the Superior Man. Me too. Yeah. And I really liked it because it Feels like what I'm— parts of what I'm gleaning from what you're saying is that it's not my responsibility to pleasure my partner. It's my responsibility to pleasure myself and their responsibility to own the pleasure for themselves. And then when you come together, then you could celebrate that together, but it, it takes the pressure off of the person to get you from point A to point Z. Mm-hmm. And it's like my sexuality, my orgasm, myself, as opposed to like, you gotta, you gotta get him off because it's been a while and he needs, he needs his satisfaction. With David Deida, it's like, no, that's your responsibility, mister. Like, you take care of that. So I'd be curious.

I think there's a communication in that though, because I think, you know, sometimes we expect mind readers and that's not how things work.

Right.

So I do think there needs to be communication of, um, what you like and what you don't like.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. And okay, so I want to get to the juicy manifestation, uh, part of this. So can you tell us a little bit about, um, you know, for anyone who has never heard of this, which, you know, we've both heard of this before, um, but for anyone that's listening who has never heard of orgasmic manifestation, can you just tell us a little bit about what it is, um, and then we can go into like how-to and all of that, all of that good stuff.

Well, I guess most people know the law of attraction. So law of attraction is like a state, it's like a vibration, a frequency that you become what you want to attract. And also you, um, imagine you already have that thing in your life, you're grateful for it, you connect with the emotions. Orgasm manifestation is the same, but it's actually a practice that you do at specific moments during either masturbation or partnered sex. You can do both, um, together, you know, in parallel. I personally do it as a solo practice because if I'm with a person, I just want to be, you know, mindful and present and just enjoy that human connection. Um, so for me, it completely transformed my practice because before, you know, my, my job is, you know, testing sex toys, also designing sex toys and prototypes, testing prototypes as well. And so I was always focused on erotic triggers and what's going to get me going. You know, I wasn't really thinking about— that was it. That was already, you know, quite empowering, you know, as, you know, as a concept, especially for women who've, you know, I couldn't have an orgasm until, you know, late, my late 20s or something. So, um, So I already thought that was empowering, but then this gives it a whole new meaning of masturbation. It's not just about pleasure— I'm horny, I'm going to masturbate— it's like, it's a power thing. It's about, yeah, I want to— I want a new job, I want some more money, I want to manifest a new apartment, you know. So it's, it's like, um, it's basically where the moment of orgasm, you're sending this wish out to the universe. So in basic terms when you, let's say, before masturbation or before, um, you would set an intention and then you indulge in your normal practice, you know, your— the things that turn you on. But then when you get to the point of you're about to have an orgasm, then you would just go back to that intention. And it's almost as if you're gonna kind of send that energy out to the universe. That's a very powerful moment, that moment of orgasm. I mean, if you're spiritual and you believe in energies and things, people say that's when the chakras are all open. It's like a very like cosmic, um, moment, a moment, a magical moment. And magic with M-I-S— with the K at the end refers to, uh, manifestation. You know, magic with a C is like entertainment, you know, pulling rabbits out of hats. So it's also called sex magic, the O Method, or orgasmic manifestation. And, and so that's a basic technique, but I created my own technique, um, because I have a very active imagination. And what I was doing was instead of just kind of going back to my, my erotic triggers during, during stimulation, I actually, I made this technique called eroticize your desire. So it's imagine you want a new apartment. I would imagine myself in my new apartment receiving the best cunnilingus, or, you know, so I would have, um, you know, my desired reality, but there'd be an erotic component to it. So, or imagine I was like I paid off all my student loan debts in one go. I mean, so I was imagining like I was naked in my apartment, like the, you know, in the summer, the breeze is caressing my body and I'm making this phone call. Here, here's my number and take this down. I'm paying all my debts, you know, throwing all the, all these envelopes away, you know, of all the years I've been deferring my student loan and I did it, you know. So it was kind of like having, but that meant that my stimulation time was doubled because it's a lot happening in my head, you know. But that's for people who have a lot of, you know, imagination. And I'm someone who has a lot of imagination. So I was actually— because imagination is also another very important part of, of manifestation, um, especially for visualization. Imagining your desired outcome as reality, connecting with those emotions, that's really important. It's not just about, uh, the thing you want to manifest. It's like, what does that represent for you in terms of emotions? Does it make you feel happy? Does it make you feel safe? You know, because even though you might not have had that thing that you want in your life, you have had that feeling from something else. So it's really connecting with the feeling and also having gratitude for it. Other techniques I was using as well is, um, listening to affirmations while during masturbation is a brilliant thing to do because your brain during masturbation or doing so anything that you're engaged or you're enjoying is really good for neuroplasticity. So it's a kind of a really good time to get those affirmations going in. And, and also binaural beats. Are you familiar with solfeggio frequencies? Binaural beats. So binaural beats, you have to have headphones on to actually get the benefit from them because it's one frequency in one ear, one in the other, and your brain creates a new wave. So that'll be something to do, to do when you're alone. But if you're with a partner, you can use solfeggio frequencies. So it's a question of, um, just searching for— because they don't need to have headphones for that because it's just one output. So let's imagine you want love. You can find a solfeggio frequency for love or binaural beats, or if you want money, or if you want health, anything that you want, you can find a frequency for it. And you can just look on YouTube and you can listen to this. So it's also very, very nice. It's very pleasant. It's very pleasant sounds. And sounds always relax us anyway in that type of moment, because affirmations might be a bit weird if you're with a partner, you know. Yeah. But one that I absolutely loved, which was really powerful for me, was passive income affirmations. And it was like, I make money while I sleep. Like, yes, yes. I make money while I do what I love. And I'm like, yes. Because I do a lot of affiliate marketing and online courses and things. So I have a lot of passive income revenue streams. So that was a really good one for me. And what else? And also, there's another method called sigils. Do you know what a sigil is? No. Sigil. It comes from the world of magic, and a sigil is a drawing that represents, or a symbol that represents your desire. So what you would do is you might write down a sentence or an affirmation of the thing that you want to manifest. So a simple one would be, I am a money magnet. So you write, I am a money magnet. Then you would repeat those letters in capitals. Actually, you would cross out the repeated letters and write it again. So, the money magnet, so only one M, not, not, not 2. Some people also cross out the, um, the vowels. So, then you're left with just a few letters, and with those remaining letters, you create this, um, this, this pattern almost, um, randomly. So, just like making a shape with these letters, and then with that shape, you simplify and keep simplifying, simplifying until it's just a few squiggles and you've no idea what it means. And in the end, you just put a circle around it. And I would make 3 sigils in the new moon just to represent 3 things that I most want. And then you leave them to the side for a few days. And then when you are gonna indulge in sex magic, you just pick one up and then you just masturbate as normal. And then you just look at it while you are, um, having an orgasm or about to have an orgasm, because you don't remember what it is, but your subconscious does.

Mm-hmm.

And also, when you're making the sigil, you're putting all that emotion into it. And there's no kind of barrier of the conscious mind saying, oh, you'll never have a Ferrari, you know. So because you're connecting with the emotion and you don't even remember what it is. And that's a really great way for people who don't want to interrupt their thought processes during sex magic or orgasmic manifestation. It's kind of a creative process as well. I have some examples in, in the book. Um, and yeah, sigils are just really fun. Also, if you're doing it with a partner, you could actually maybe draw it on their body with, you know, Makeup or body paint and just look at it. So these are really kind of random sigils. So this would be like one here.

Oh, I love that.

So this is coming from, you know, it started off with all in Spanish. It was like, I am a money magnet. Soy un imán para el dinero. So it was all these letters and it becomes simple, simple. And then, yeah, and that's kind of a creative component as well. And new moon is, yeah. There's another method as well which I like, which might be easier, is to close your eyes and put a pencil in your non-dominant hand and just think about the thing that you want and what the emotions are, like the joy, maybe excitement, whatever it is, and just do some squiggles until you feel it's done. And then you just have the squiggles in the end and then draw a circle around it. That's a really easy way of making a sigil. It's just 2 minutes to do something like that. Yeah, that's a pretty common thing for witchcraft. And also another thing, if, um, people can make a whole vision board based on sigils, because sometimes vision boards, if you have, let's say, a mansion or something, maybe your conscious mind is saying you'll never have that, but there's no kind of, um, you're bypassing the conscious mind and going straight to the subconscious, which is really interesting. Um, but I mean, I'm really interested in, um, subconscious reprogramming at the moment, and I was, um, I, when I presented my book here in Spain, um, I do talk about journaling as part of the, the preparation process, because some people just want to have a couple of different changes to their normal sexual, um, practice, or other people want to really ritualize it as much as possible. So things you can do could be like dancing, imagining you've got the thing you're celebrating, whatever it is that you want. Having, you know, even crystals, like, you know, if you want rose quartz for love or citrine for money, incorporating those crystals on the different chakras, corresponding chakra during your practice. Another thing would be journaling. So journaling for manifestation is like writing down an ideal day of your desired outcome, you know, in the present tense, with emotion, with gratitude. But I add another. So I talked about journaling in this, in my book presentation, and there was a woman there who actually started the Barcelona Journaling Festival, and then she asked me to speak at it. So, but in that time, I thought, I better start journaling, actually. So I started journaling, and then I came up with this this other method, which is the eroticize your desire but in journaling form. So imagine you want a, um, you want a promotion at work. You can be writing about this amazing promotion, then your, your husband is waiting for you in the hot tub. But, you know, get some sexual element into it so that when you're writing, you're getting excited. So you're kind of transferring all this sexual energy into your writing, you know, and making it arousing. So So I think that's a really hot way, and I've been doing that quite, quite a lot recently. So I really do believe the sexual energy is not just always about, you know, orgasm and manifestation, or orgasm and stimulation. It can also just be something you're thinking about as well.

I love that. And I love that you said that about journaling too, because I know some people, uh, visualization is hard for some people. And for me, journaling is the thing that like actually really like solidifies it for me somatically for whatever reason. Um, so I love that idea, and it's— yeah, it's getting into like arousal energy in general.

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, so many people who are turning to like psilocybin or ketamine or even MDMA to try to evoke these feelings. And what's coming to mind as you're talking about this is that the, the chemical, the neurochemical, biological, the emotional psychological process of arousal is something that we can create and produce in our own bodies, and that, that does create neuroplasticity, and that, that does change your chemistry. And so it's kind of neat to, to hear you talk about this like holistic self-love approach as— and I'm thinking as a potential to— if, if you feel like really nervous about using an exogenous source, like a, an herb or a medicine, or maybe you can't because of some reasons, but you have your body, you carry your body with you, your body is, is a part of you. And so leaning into what you have and your enoughness Mm-hmm. As opposed to feeling like I am broken and I have to turn to something to fix me that I have to take. I, I really, I'm really loving the approach of holistic self-love through masturbation, through manifestation, through the sigils, through all of these different things you're talking about. I think it's just, and how amazing this is for, you know, this is good for all people. I feel like your message is valuable for all people. And with an emphasis on how this could— this is like life-changing for women to take back our sexuality, to take back our power, to take back our pleasure.

I'm all about sobriety personally. Yeah, I just think I like the message of it's— the answers are within, and I just really do believe that. A sex toy helps, so that's the only external thing I would say. But, um, I think, um, you know, journaling is really powerful, and I'm doing a journaling for subconscious reprogramming on many different topics. And what can just come out, you know, when you're writing, you can uncover things that you know in your bones for years, but you haven't articulated it. You know, it's so powerful. You can meditate and have, you know, downloads, but having a record of something written down is so, so powerful. And, you know, normal subconscious reprogramming takes, you know, this, this methodology of, first of all, like, um, you know, just, um, um, what's the word, um, finding what that limiting belief is, identifying that limiting belief, and then just finding some evidence why is that keeping me safe, and then, then kind of contradicting it and then writing new beliefs. And it's just so interesting, this process. You can do it with anything, you know. I'm doing this, um, I use ChatGPT as my life coach, which is amazing. Yeah. So I've got this, um, 20 questions, um, from ChatGPT for subconscious reprogramming. And every morning I do a few of them. And so I'm doing it for all different topics like love, like money, content creation even. Because sometimes content creation is like being seen. There's a lot of that can be very disconcerting sometimes. So I'm really uncovering a lot of my own blocks. I'm coming up with things like, oh my God, even though the things I know that I felt in my body for years, but I haven't really brought them to the surface almost, or put language to them. So it's really incredible. I think the same with sexuality. Like, when did this become a belief? How is it supporting you? Because everything we believe is somehow keeping us safe to some degree.

Oh, my gosh, I love that. That's actually my favorite thing to journal about is, okay, what are all of the beliefs that tell me that I can't have this thing, or I can't be this thing, or I can't do this or whatever? And then identifying all of those and identifying why those beliefs are just BS. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. But I love the idea of bringing in the erotic component where—

Yeah.

To, to really— because, you know, people with manifestation, people talk about feeling the feelings, um, but what's a better feeling than the erotic arousal, right? And so when you can bring that in To thinking about your desires.

So do you think some typical desires that you can eroticize? Because some people ask me, like, how can you?

Oh, yeah.

So just give me an example of something that people want, and I'll just give you an example of how to eroticize it. People don't think you can do that with paying a mortgage off or these typical things.

Yeah. Well, you mentioned, like, a place to live. What about What about having a baby?

Um, I think, I think that would be— I think that's something you do together. I think I, I would get the romantic side would be very much, you know, I think of the romantic side of that. And, um, I, I guess, um, that moment of saying you're pregnant and that excitement, you know, because that would be like super exciting, you know. Because that's a moment where, you know, some people would be like, oh my God, no, or, or yeah, right, depending on the situation. So I just think I'm tapping into that euphoria because we've all had that time when we've got, you know, results from an exam and it's been amazing, you know. So that wow, yeah, that's super excitement and, and joy. Um, so I think that could be really exciting as well.

What about something that our listeners could experiment with? Like, I'm gonna manifest that someone gives me a free cup of coffee.

Oh, that's a really good thing. I honestly, um, um, I do think that manifestation should start small, and it has to be something, something relatively attainable in the near future. Um, because I'm reading this other book now about manifestation, and they're saying dream big, dream big, but I do think that you need to have some small victories before you get to dream big. And really believe in yourself because sometimes there can be this subconscious block of like you'll never have that. So I think having a coffee, just that feeling of maybe being seen or because sometimes it's that sometimes if we if you work at home, I mean sometimes those interactions in a cafe can be the only human contact you have in a day and feeling seen sometimes can just feel like oh you know or someone says like in Spain in Barcelona it was like guapa guapa and you think I feel awful today but someone said it to me I feel like oh nice thank you. So that feeling seen can just give you a bit of a flutter of excitement.

I love it.

I wouldn't be masturbating just to get a coffee, firstly. I wouldn't waste an orgasm on that. I mean, yeah, I think small is a good thing, but I think that's something you could just practice just for mindset, just to test your mindset. You know, with like law of attraction or, you know.

Totally. Yeah. I actually decided, um, I like to do like the word of the year, and I've been playing around with, um, my word of the year this year being miracles. And I started writing down every day of the year. I have just like notes in my phone, like, okay, 1/1, 1/2, 1/3, writing down a miracle that happened that day, but identifying the small, just everyday miracles. And, um, And then you're like, oh my gosh, like miracles are happening every single day. And so why not call in more intentional miracles too?

Yeah, actually, I'm doing something very similar. So we're kind of aligned. I've got this small diary. I bought it from these cheap shops, like €1. It's my wins. So I write my daily wins. I write 3 things actually, and I've just started this year. So this, this podcast will be the win of today and also being published on Apple News. And then I think whenever you have a bad day, you just look back and think, wow, you know, actually things are pretty okay. So, and even like, just going to the gym can be a win, you know. So I think it's really about that positive mindset and realizing, you know, because otherwise at the end of the day, I do this at the end of the day, you're thinking, oh, I didn't do this, didn't do that. But actually I did do this. And, and that mindset is so, so important for manifestation because like Those small wins bring bigger wins. And, and, you know, when you look at anything as a miracle, really, you know, there's so many. Yeah.

And then you pair that with a blast of oxytocin and adrenaline and dopamine, and there you go. It's neuroplastic. Definitely change your brain.

But the other thing I do is actually write down, I have a magical diary as well. So I write down the orgasm and the intention, the date, the day on the menstrual cycle, the lunar phase. So I also write that down. I can look back and like, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. So it's kind of cool. Some things can be kind of small, but other things can be more like travel or something like that. But also another thing that I learned in my journey of now 6, 7 years of orgasmic manifestation is I came up with this idea. I've got a whole chapter about masculine and feminine manifestations, and I don't think anyone talks about this, but a lot of times people say, be specific, be very specific. But I found that being specific can sometimes not be good. Sometimes what you want is not what you need. It's not the best thing for you. So I have these different techniques. And also, another thing I don't like is to try and manipulate other people to do what I want. So I try and focus on my feeling. What do I want? Or if I've ever been in a relationship and I'm a bit, like, confused about a situation, I will ask for clarity. And then I'll just check my phone. They've messaged me. Okay. Okay. But rather than trying to get something specific, you know. So I do think you want someone to come to you freely with free will, because there's also ethics involved in these practices, you know, that you want, you know, people to choose you for our free will and, you know, all the things to come to you because you deserve them. So I really think it's important to focus on the feeling that that thing makes you feel, and then the right thing will come kind of thing. Because a lot of talk about SP, you know, specific person in the law of attraction. And so I just think that's not, that's not really, that's not where my practice is. It's more about how I want to feel in a relationship, or, you know, rather than thinking of a specific person because that might not be the best person for me.

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, I think, um, you know, even just thinking about this thing that I'm doing with the miracles and that you're doing with the winds, it's like I'm just at a place in my life where I'm like, surprise me.

Yeah, yeah,

yeah.

All right, God, what do you got for me? You know, like, like, I maybe I don't know best, and maybe it's just like, what's, what's next? And kind of having that anticipatory energy rather than like, I need this, I need this, I need this, I need this, and then kind of blocking ourselves from what we want.

Yeah, I actually got a whole chapter and I've got some Affirmations, specific and nonspecific ones, and comparing with a similar desire. Like, with money, it could be like, I need $5,000, or I need at least, or whatever. So, like, leaving it more open. So it's more about, you know, the feminine energy, about the receptivity and the surrender and just creating space, because that's also an action in itself, is creating space for the thing you want.

So good.

And in my Human Design In my human design, I'm a generator, which it, like, is in alignment with that feminine energy. If something is coming to me, then I can respond, as opposed to that stressed feeling of always having to try to create. So I like that responsive manifestation almost. It's like creating that open space, like, surprise me, like you said.

Yeah, it's like, what's the next?

Yeah. This has been amazing.

Yeah,

I've gotten so much out of this conversation. This has been so, so valuable for me too.

I feel totally lit up.

I want to know about your manifestations.

Yes, we need to report back. We're going to report back.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that'd be great. Maybe in a live we could. Yeah. Oh yeah.

That's really funny. Today I put something on LinkedIn about my Apple News thing, and then this woman wrote this long comment. It's a woman I've never met in person, but she's in Barcelona, and she told me that her moving to the country was because of me because I wrote— I did a podcast episode about magic a few years ago. And I was like, wow. Wow. So I've actually inspired a lot of people, um, to start, you know, intentionally using orgasm to manifest with sometimes a lot better results than me. You know, I had a friend who has an Amazon shop, and he wanted to manifest £5,000 a day. So we made a sigil, and then 3 weeks later, he sent me a screenshot, and it was like a whole week of £5,000 a day. Oh, wow. He actually came to my book launch as well. It's just, it's just incredible, you know. And I was like, I need to just think bigger. I need to get, you know.

Yes. Oh,

that's amazing.

That's incredible.

So So how can people find you? We'll for sure include all of your links in the show notes, but tell us a little bit about how everyone can get involved in all the goodness you have.

Well, just look for Venus O'Hara. I'm quite active everywhere. So my website and my podcast, The Orgasmic Lifestyle, Everyday Climax, and Instagram, LinkedIn, and YouTube.

And you have this incredible book and When are you gonna release it in the US?

I'm actually— it's gonna be my first time self-publishing, so it will be global. So I'm aiming for March. So yeah, I'm nearly finished the first human proofread right now because I actually uploaded the whole document to DeepL, which is an AI translator, and it translated a 200-page document in 15 minutes. So now I'm kind of like humanizing, you know, going through everything and humanizing it. Then I'm gonna get a professional to proofread it because I think you always need an extra pair of eyes. And my debate now is, do I do American English or British English? Ah. That's all these, you know, so I'm like, yeah.

Color with a U.

Yeah.

I'll ask my pendulum.

That's another thing I brought here, actually. Pendulums. Yeah, I'll ask my pendulum. Do you use pendulums at all?

I haven't, I haven't really used a pendulum, but I do the, um, swaying back and forth.

Oh yeah.

Like a yes or a no, like, like forward and backward. Yeah. Oh,

that's kind of cool. Human pendulum. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You

are the pendulum. I'm the pendulum.

Wow.

So good.

Yeah. Whatever you do, we all want your book. And so And I would read it in British English and American English. So

I'm here for it.

Yes. I know. I was like, am I gonna have to read this in Spanish? Because I'll try. I'm not fluent in Spanish.

Actually, I've just got more into the English, the English version's just got more juice cuz I'm always modifying and adding components to my practice cuz the Spanish one I wrote a year ago. So now I've done the journaling, all, all this new stuff has, has been coming into my world. Yeah, so it's a bit more complete, the English version. Yeah. Also, in the Spanish version, I don't know why, but the, the editor took out one of the main parts. I've got a whole chapter about my story because I had, um, no pillows, and then I now have 5 pillows. It's like, that's abundance, you know? I think, why would you take this detail out? Because now I sleep with like 1 here, 2 here, and down to my knees. And it's just, you know, I just, I just have a— I've invested a lot in my bed because I didn't have Comfort before.

Yeah. So

I think it's really— and also, you know, weighted blanket, you know, really feeling safe, mattress topper, you know, kind of really gone into investing in comfort, which has been really, really important for me after so many years of pain. That's a really important story. Yeah. Yeah.

I remember when you and I first talked, that's what stuck out to me is that story when you and I first talked. And so I do hope that you'll keep that in your Yeah. You're doing now, because I think it's powerful.

Definitely. So I actually spoke— I actually interviewed a guy who was, um, a veteran, and he said that when he was at war or something, there was one pillow between among, I don't know how many, 4 or 5 soldiers. So he had to like change. And then the night you don't have a pillow, you know, it's really, you know, it's like the, you know, basic needs when you don't have those things. Having a pillow is a miracle for me right now, you know.

Yes, I love that. Yeah, you can write that in your miracles. Yeah. Oh, so incredible.

Thank you so much for coming.

Yeah, I also—

that's why I say in my events, thanks for coming. That's great.

Good job, Mads.

That was awesome.

Yeah.

All right, everyone. Well, thank you so much for listening. Definitely go and find our dear friend Venus and all of the cool stuff that she has going on. We'll include the show notes, so give her a like, give her a follow, and we cannot wait to have you back again sometime.

Amazing. Thank you so much.

Thanks. Bye everyone.

So thank you for the incredible conversation. It was so great, my friend.

I love it.

Amazing. Yeah, thank you so much. I really appreciate the, the opportunity.

Yes. Yeah. And we'll try to coordinate the release of the podcast with your launch. So I wrote in my notes end of March-ish. And so when you know more, you can pop over an email and then we'll also do social media. So we'll create a collaboration post. And so then we can all collaborate. So that increases reach and we can't do TikTok here. Oh, it's still—

I thought it'd come back. I thought it'd come back.

No, I think it came back. Yeah.

Did it? Okay.

Yeah, it's on Sunday. Yeah.

I know that I couldn't get into it yesterday, but maybe—

Oh, really?

I thought it was like Sunday when it came back after a few hours, I heard.

Yeah, I don't know. I haven't really tried because I just am not really much of a TikTok person, but, but yeah.

Yeah, but also on my main, um, YouTube channel. I have like 139,000 subscribers. So I'm actually getting a bit— I'm actually quite shy for lives. I've only done about 3, but I'm actually interviewing people for my lives. If you want to do something in about a month about your book and stuff, or we could do something.

Yeah,

I want to get that kind of live muscle, not talking about anything sexual, but maybe just like lifestyle tips about wins and miracles or something like that. That could be—

Yeah.

If you go down the line.

We could talk about Panic Proof, and then Hadlee is a— she's a guru of all that is Ayurveda. And—

Oh, wow.

That might be a really—

You pronounce that so well. Oh my goodness.

I learned from the best. Yeah. So I feel like there, there could be some really synergistic, beautiful, juicy conversations. So let's, let's Plan something for in a month or so. And it's 11:11 here in Phoenix, so that's a magical new beginnings angel number, right?

Yeah, for sure.

Cool. Yeah, so let's send out an email and we'll get everything coordinated. And then when you log off, Hadley, let's stay on. We'll record the intro and then we'll be all set.

Cool.

Amazing.

Yay!

Thank you so much.

Thank you. We'll talk soon.

Adios. Bye.

Adios.

Bye.