The TRUTH About Behavior Change – What Works Might Shock You!

You're the first person that's made me interested in behavioral strategies because generally speaking, I'm not

sexy.

I'm so not interested. There's this resistance in me that's like, don't, don't tell me what to do. You're not the boss of me. Yeah. I'm like, don't tell me to change my behavior. I want to focus on feeling better and then I do what I want. Like, I want my behavior to reflect how I feel. But I think that you're really bringing to the table and like holding some accountability in. Yeah, but you're not going to get to how you want to feel until you change what you're doing. And so—

Yeah, yeah. James Clear always talks about how— he's— he wrote Atomic Habits. I don't know if you've, if you've heard of that, but, uh, he talks about how we have to both change our behavior As well as our identity. We can't do one or the other. If we just try to change our identity and try to become someone else, but we don't have the behavior to back that up, then we just— it just won't happen. It's just like a nice dream or whatever. But if we don't— and then if we try to do the behaviors, but we don't change the identity— and we should be on— we should be recording this right now. We're recording.

This is good. We're recording. This is happening. We're in it right now.

Um, so he talks about if they— if you do the behavior change without changing the identity, then you will burn out. You like basically just won't sustain it. So it'll be like kind of the quick fix fad, fad diet or fad whatever, like I'm going to do this. But if you don't have that like identity evolution piece, then— What's, you know, you're just gonna fall back into your old patterns once you, once you're not like willpowering your way through it, which I'm not about willpower. It doesn't work.

So the marriage between identity, behavior, and willpower, there's this like interesting interrelationship. Um, so everyone, you just joined us in the middle of a conversation about our topic for today, and it's behavioral strategies. And so this is, you know, we decided to keep this in the recording because it's such good stuff. I mean, this is the joy that Hadlee and I have when we get together is there's just such richness to talk about.

Mm-hmm.

And so, you know, we've been talking about behavioral strategies as we've been warming up to have this conversation with you and wanted you to be included in some of this wisdom that Hadlee's dropping, because if you're anything like me, somebody saying like you have to change your behavior tells me that my behavior created this problem and then requires that I'm accountable for acknowledging that I created this problem in part with my behavior and that I have to do something different, which evokes like a little bit of— it's like this kind of mix, right? Like part of it's like a mix of feisty, feisty resistance. But then there's this also like shame of like, like, you got to get your behavior right, you know, these things that we hear as kids, like your behavior.

And yeah, right, you're getting— you're putting on a behavioral plan because your behavior is like,

yeah,

disruptive in the classroom or whatever.

Yeah. And so then you just started just opening my mind to to a different way of looking at that. And so I'm eager to, to kind of jump in and have you just like tell us more this, this juxtaposition that you were bringing to the table.

Well, I love that you brought that up because I think a lot of times the people that I work with are like, just tell me what to do. Yeah, I think, I think that that is A Pitta thing a lot of the times, like, just like, okay, give me, give me the— sometimes Pittas can be like total rebels, but sometimes, um, Pittas are like, just like, give me, give me the thing, I'll just do the thing, I'll fix the thing, and then we'll move on. Okay, kind of. Um, and so sometimes they can be rebels and be like, don't tell me what to do, like, ever at all. But other times they're like, tell me everything, and like, I'll just follow it step by step. especially if you've got some kapha backing that up. Like for me, I have— I'm pitta and my secondary is kapha. So I tend to be like, give me the rules. Like, what are the rules? I'm gonna follow them. So breaking out of that has been huge for me because behavior change is not about rules. In fact, when we get too dogmatic in the rules, No matter how much of a rule follower you are, some part of you will rebel at some point. This is why diets don't work, right? I mean, there are many reasons that diets don't work, but one of the reasons is that when we restrict things and we have all of these rules around our behaviors, our eating behaviors, we will then subsequently have some sort of rebelling, right? Like we'll have some disordered eating patterns or, you know, a subsequent binge or whatever it might be. It doesn't have to be food. It can be rules around whatever. And so that's what I'm really passionate about, like breaking people out of that paradigm that they think like, oh, you know, these habits that I have to do, like I don't want to do them because I'm being told that I have to do them, or I want to do them, But I like just don't have the willpower. And like I said, I don't believe in willpower. It actually— it works in the short term for people who have like a lot of it, but it doesn't work in the long term. Just kind of like forcing ourselves through things, it just— it doesn't really work. And so you know what, so, so I guess let's back up. Like, what Ayurveda gives us insight into is the types of habits that we can have that are going to be— so it's like the habits, the food, the lifestyle choices that are going to really help us feel the way that we want to feel. It's going to help us feel the best that we possibly can in our bodies, in our minds, and in our spirits. And so these habits that I'll talk about in a moment, they are really helpful for feeling the best we possibly can. And that's, that's the guidepost. So most people in the wellness industry are telling you what to do. And most of us are like, tell me what to do. Or maybe, maybe there's resistance to some things. Maybe there's like, you know, like not resistance to other things. Um, but I think that there's a real lack of understanding of psychology and how we actually do these things, because most of us know what is healthy. Like most of us know, like, that we need to get sleep, that we need to not be on our technology as much as we are, that we need to move our bodies. Uh, We know all of these things, but the real magic comes when we know behavioral change strategies and techniques to actually be able to change our behaviors. And that's what's missing. I think that was what was missing for me for sure, because I knew all of the habits, I knew all the things, and I wasn't doing them. And then I got mad at myself, like you were saying. Then it's like this, like, shame and guilt around, well, why am I not doing the things that I know I quote unquote should? be doing. And so that's where the behavior strategy comes in, and it is so needed. So I just want to like spread it far and wide. So that's why I'm doing what I'm doing.

So let's say that our listener is like very pitta, and they're on fire, they're doing all of the things, but they're burning out. And so let's say that they're asking, let's say that they're sitting in front of you and they're like, well, I don't have time to do a whole bunch more stuff. Are you telling me that I could be more successful by changing my behaviors? And if so, how can I do that without it taking up so much more of my time? I have no time.

Yeah. Yeah. So, so it's interesting. One of the habits that I coach my clients in, and that is one of the habits of Ayurveda, is the habit of— they call it meditation. I call it sitting in silence, just allowing yourself to be, especially for the pittas who sometimes, sometimes they're like, I, you know, sometimes they get more stressed when they have to sit and not think. I totally— that happened to me. So I'm, I'm just kind of like, just don't have any expectations. Just sit. Just sit, sit your butt down and don't— you don't have to not think, you don't have to do anything. It's, it's just allowing anything that comes up to be what is. Um, you know, and, and sitting in silence is like the perfect example of like pittas not wanting to stop for that because they're like, what is the point? I'm not moving my body. I'm not, you know, like exercising or eating in a certain way or Doing all these things that like maybe are a little bit more—they seem a little bit more like tangible, right? Sitting in silence is a little bit more like sort of like in the air element, right? Like it's a little bit—it's less grounded. It's less, though it can be grounding. It is less like tangible in what you what results you're gonna see from it. You want to do it for a long time before you really see like. really intense results, though some people do. Even with like a couple minutes of meditation, they're like, oh man. So what I would say is with that example, and there are all of the other habits as well, is I always introduce these habits from a place of ease. So one of the habits that I, that I talk talk about with my clients is easeful living. That's habit number 10. But I try to imbue easeful living in all of the habits. So I would just ask them, okay, how easy can it be? What are you going to start with? How easy can you possibly make it? So, you know, maybe they need to be sleeping longer. So they bring back their their bedtime 15 minutes. And I actually only start with 15-minute increments usually for people because otherwise they can't really fall asleep if they drastically change their, um, their bedtime. But so I'm like, okay, how easy can you possibly make it? Because if you start to do these things, if you start to do just one little thing, but you do it consistently, That creates a compound effect. So a lot of times we know about compound interest. And, you know, this is, this is something in like finance. We know that when you put your money into investments, they grow over time. And you don't, you know, you don't have to necessarily put a ton of money in at one time. You can put in like a little bit at a time, and over time that'll grow and grow and grow. So that's what we're doing when we're creating these habits. And so we can do it in a really small incremental way. So one of the, one of the principles of behavior change that I actually coach my clients in is called Kaizen. And it's a Japanese word. Have you heard of Kaizen?

No, tell me more.

Okay. So Kaizen is a Japanese word. I believe, I believe it was actually, it's like a more modern word that they used in like a assembly lines for a Japanese car company. I'm not sure which, if it was Toyota or what, but they used this kaizen. It's basically small incremental change over time. And that's what this Japanese businessman kind of like revamped this whole car company because they just did these small incremental changes over time. So I might not have that exact story right, but you can look up kaizen. It's spelled K-A-I-Z-E-N if you want the full story on that. And so, so that's what— that's the principle that we talk about is this small incremental change over time. It's sometimes referred to as 1% improvements in like the behavior change world. Sometimes it's just called like baby steps if you want to get really like, you know, to the basics. But it's essentially, it's like the least sexy thing to talk about because it's like, it's like, I just— most people are like, I just want to change, you know, I just want to overhaul my entire life and make everything better right now. But that's why like New Year's resolutions don't

work,

right? And, and so, so this small incremental change over time is so needed, so necessary. And then we don't have to rely on that like willpower. We can ease ourselves into it, and then it becomes more sustainable. So it's going to make a huge effect over time as well. It's going to make you more successful. It's going to make you more— if you want more productivity, if you want more just happiness, because I think that's equally as important as productivity, even though I maybe didn't think that before because I have a lot of pitta. I've kind of learned that. Um, but it's gonna, it's gonna make your life a lot easier just doing one small change that you do consistently over time. Does that make sense?

I really like that. And it kind of goes in line with what we talked about in our previous video about the nervous system and how we want to gently lean in because our nervous system is trying to create equilibrium. And so if you're constantly in this like pit of fight, flight, freeze, and we're like, we're gonna overhaul all of that, it's going to create just a new flavor of fight, flight, freeze.

Mm-hmm.

Or vata, if you're in this vata of just like anxious frenzied energy, and then we just completely overhaul on this anxious friendly energy. Or if you're kapha and you just feel like horizontal overwhelmed and like you can't do anything, and then we just give you a whole overhaul and you just still feel that way, that it's like a New Year's resolution. It can it can kind of set you up for failure. And so what I'm kind of hearing you talk about is that it's actually better to— you called it kaizen, right?

Yes. Yep.

Like, it's like making these little changes which can have interest compounding and can have a really pretty powerful effect. And by making it easeful, it will also help your body, your nervous system And your just logistical life adapt around that. And I think that's— that makes me feel even more excited about having a conversation about behavioral change.

Yeah, totally. And it's like, so, so let's talk a little bit more about the other, the other types of— well, would you like to go into the behavior change strategies, or would you like to go into the specific habits? What would be more palatable?

I love that you're like working with me. Um, yeah, I, I'm kind of curious a little bit about the strategies.

Okay, cool. Yeah, let's do that first then, because then it'll be like— yeah, right, right. Okay, cool. So, so, you know, we have these 10 habits in Ayurveda. Uh, we can go into those, but these behavior change strategies can help us with any habit we want to implement in our lives. And I always say that like habits create a structure for ourselves. Um, it also— creating habits decreases decision fatigue, right? And so decision fatigue, for those of you who, um, who haven't heard that term before, basically means that when, when we make lots of decisions, especially in like a day or in a smaller period of time, if we— it's like a muscle gets fatigued. And so if we overwork it, then we're not going to make as good of decisions or as beneficial of decisions for us, I'll say, because I don't like to assign morality to anything really. But so, so when we can create an automation of these habits so we don't have to think about it anymore, we don't have to decide, should I do this? Should I not do this? And then by the end of the day, you know, we've made decisions about what to eat, what to, you know, whether or not we should work out, whether or not to hang out on our phone, whether or not to like watch Netflix or whatever. By the end of the day, we sit comatose watching Netflix and maybe, you know, eating whatever, whatever is your craving of choice. And not that— and I'm not even going to say a food because I don't think any food is bad. I think any food can be what we need at any given time. But when we can automate some of these things, then we, we just start to make decisions that are more in line with what what kind of experience we want to have in our lives, what kind— how we want to feel, how we want to think, all of these things. So habits create structure, structure creates freedom to be able to do all of the things because we don't want to be thinking about health stuff all the time. That's boring. Once you get that stuff down, it's like now you have so much more capacity to be able to do the things that you're really passionate about. And obviously I'm very passionate about You can hear it in my voice. But so, so making it, making it easier on yourself to automate these habits is going to be really beneficial. So—

I love that, by the way, because automation makes room in your brain to focus on what really matters, because all those other things, they're kind of on autopilot. Like, they're, they're just habits.

Totally. Yeah. And I, I used to Thinking like about all the things that I should be doing, like every day for my health, took up so much mental capacity. I, you know, especially around food, I had a very weird relationship with food and my body and all these things, and it took up so much mental energy. I was talking to one client a few years ago before she started with my program. And she described it as— she was like, I feel like I think about this stuff so much. I think about my body, I think about food, I think about all of these things. And with the amount of energy, mental energy that I'm putting into thinking about these things, I could have cured cancer by now. Like, I thought that was such a great way of of putting it because especially I think women in our society, I think it's one of the ways that the patriarchy actually oppresses women to make us think, you know, think so much about our bodies, how we look, think so much about food, think so much about all of these things and, you know, making ourselves better and healthier and all of these things. I think that, that we have so much more mental capacity. And if we can just automate these things, then we are going to have so much more impact on the world and we're going to live such a more fulfilling life. Yeah. All right. So let's talk about the behavior change strategies. Are you ready for the first one?

I'm like on the edge of my seat. Amazing. Okay, bring it.

I'm ready. Okay, so, so the first one, and you know, they're not really in that much of an order, but one that is really important, especially to kind of prime us, is identity evolution. So this is what, this is what we were talking about at the beginning of this call. In order to change our habits, we have to see ourselves as someone who has those habits. So we have to evolve our identity, right? We need to think of ourselves as the kind of person who does those things. So, and this is where the goal behind the habits differs a lot from what we usually think of. So a lot of times we're like, Well, if I'm gonna do this, if I'm gonna work out, then I'm gonna do the hardest workout possible. Or, you know, I might as well do an hour-long workout. Or like, we'll think— and we'll go into this like all-or-nothing pattern too, that'll be next. Um, but, but we'll think like, oh well, if I'm gonna do it, then I have to do it like the most intense way possible, especially if you've got a lot of pits on your constitution. Um, but I'm saying that the goal here, instead of that like one-time workout or that one-time meditation session or that one-time meal, that one meal, the goal is not any of those things. The goal is to become the kind of person who consistently does it. So the goal is to become, you know, And this doesn't have to be your goal, but like the goal is to become a runner or become a meditator or become a musician or whatever it is. And so, so that is the goal behind, you know, trying to implement these habits rather than that one-time thing. And that takes so much pressure off the one-time thing, which is awesome.

Could you do— so could it be like states of being, or is it more like verbs, like running versus is successful? Like, I'm becoming the type of person or the kind of person who runs, or I'm becoming the kind of person who is successful?

Yeah, yeah, you can. So it's— think of it as like, I'm becoming a successful person. So have it describe who you are. And that, that is helpful for like actually embodying the identity. Does that make sense?

Yes, I love this.

Okay, cool. So yeah, so whatever it is that you just identify, like what, who do you want to become next? Essentially, one of the sentence stems that I help my clients with is just, I'm becoming the kind of person who Blank. So a lot of times that is a little bit more accessible than like, you know, sometimes we say like affirmations that are like, I am this. But if that doesn't feel resonant, if you're like, but I'm not that yet, then it's not really that helpful. So if, if we can say I'm becoming the kind of person who is this or does this or whatever, then it becomes a little bit more like Okay, yeah, I can see myself actually stepping into that. And then eventually you can start to say like, I am this person now. So like I used to say I am— well, I used to say I'm a recovering perfectionist, and now I am not a perfectionist anymore, which I'm like so excited about.

That's awesome.

But, um, but yeah, so like, so I'm becoming the kind of person who Is a really good starting point for that, for that mindset shift.

I love that.

Awesome. All right, so let's talk a little bit about all or nothing. So I was kind of alluding to that, but all or nothing is, is this idea that, well, if I'm not gonna do it right, or if I'm not gonna do it the way I'm quote unquote supposed to, or if I'm not gonna do it, or if I like don't feel like it's gonna count, like I'm not gonna do it. Um, this was me, like this all or nothing perfectionism. Uh, you might think, oh, I'm not a perfectionist, but you might have— I, I like to call it all or nothing, um, because all of us have some all or nothing, like tendencies. So, and it comes up in so many different areas of your life. A lot of times when I work with my clients, they'll be like, oh my gosh, you know, they're like months into working with me and they're like, there's this other area of my life that I'm doing this all or nothing thing. And I realized that it's all or nothing. And now I can just break out of that and just do it like halfway or do it a little bit. And still allow it to count in my mind. So that's huge. Introducing sort of like a yes, and perspective is really big here. That's

my jam. Yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah.

Oh, awesome. I love it. Yeah, I'm, I'm a theater girl at heart. And yes, and is a principle in improv. So I love that I can bring this into my coaching with my clients. Essentially, when you're improving, if you watch like SNL, or if you watch like, oh gosh, what's that one show where they like basically pull something out of a hat? Whose Line? Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Yeah, yeah. Or if you've ever done any improv, you know that when you're on stage, You have like whatever someone else does on stage, you have to be like, yes, and you can't be like, no, no, no, like that's not the way it is. Mm-hmm. So you can acknowledge that like, yes, this is the way this is right now, and I can add on or I can take away or I can change it in some way. So thinking of it as like You know, let's say, oh well, I don't have time to do a 20-minute meditation. I used to have this because I— when I learned meditation, I learned Transcendental Meditation. And it was like, you should do this 20 minutes a day, or 20 minutes 2 times a day. I learned this in college. I was living in my sorority house trying to find a quiet space 2 times a day. be able to do this. And it was absolutely like unrealistic and not helpful at all. And so, so the yes and perspective here is yes, I want to, you know, introduce this habit. I want to maybe introduce meditation or whatever other habit. And 20 minutes twice a day is not feasible for me. So yes, I do have, uh, 2 minutes, 1 minute, 30 seconds, maybe it's 30 seconds. I always break it down, um, and maybe, and this also goes with, this is a really great one for exercise, a lot of people will only do, will only work out if it's like a, like full-blown, you know, hour-long thing. And this used to be me too. Or even if they're like, well, if I can't do 20 minutes, then it's not really worth it. But it is worth it. It absolutely is. Because you're becoming the kind of person who works out consistently, or who works out every morning, or who works out every day, or every few days, or whatever, whatever your goal is there. And so, you know, I sometimes when I'm traveling, I'll just do like 10 burpees, or if you don't like burpees, you can do like 10 jumping jacks or whatever, something that just solidifies this idea that you're becoming the kind of person who moves their body every day.

I love that. And I'm kind of writing a blank. It's like, this is like the art of becoming, as I do. So I do 10 burpees, and it is part of me becoming Yeah, yeah, exactly,

exactly. Yeah, totally. Yeah, so, so this is huge. This is where like a lot of times we try to willpower our way through things and then we, we have this all-or-nothing mindset. And so once— so we hit this like block where we're like, oh well, you know, I ate this one thing, so now my whole way of eating is out the window for the rest of the day. I'll start tomorrow, or I'll start next week. Or I'll start in the new year. Oh, classic during the holidays, right? The whole month, well, like 2 months of the holidays from Halloween through to the new year. It's like, well, the new year's coming, right? Yeah. So then I'm gonna overhaul everything, which doesn't work. So we have this whole mess of a paradigm. Um, so, so that brings me to willpower doesn't work. Willpower is unreliable and it gets fatigued. Throughout the day, just like decision fatigue. Basically, it's very similar. You can kind of think of it as the same thing. So instead, we want to start small and build on those like 1% improvements over time, that kaizen. And, and so you can also think about like willpower as a muscle. So when you overuse it, when you overuse your muscles, what happens?

Ooh, when I overuse my muscles, they cramp up and they get sore and tired and they, yeah, they don't work.

Totally, yes. And what happens if you use your muscles over time in a way that is, you know, that's like consistent and that's like healthy for your body? What happens then?

Yeah, then they get stronger and more steady and more useful for me.

Mm-hmm, totally. So that's what willpower is. So willpower, it, it grows as you, as you flex it, basically. But if you overflex it, then it doesn't, and then you're back to square one. That's essentially how I look at willpower. So as we do these 1% incremental improvements over time, not only are we getting the compound effect, of being able to do these things consistently, but we're also building up willpower to be able to do more as we go on. So it's like this really, really cool effect, and we build this momentum over time, which is just awesome, and I love it.

That's nice too for, for kapha, because, you know, when we think of a kapha imbalance is you might not have the willpower. It's too sedentary and sleepy and heavy. And so thinking about like making small improvements but then having that endurance and longevity can be really— Totally. So if there's listeners who— if you just feel like, oh my gosh, I've been doing this for so long, I feel so burned out, I feel like I'm, I'm on a plateau— is, you know, you're talking about Hadlee is just Slight incline. We're going to just increase the incline just a little bit. We're not going to ask you to do, you know, like a 10% incline. We're going to just do 1% and make small increments over time.

And then what happens is you make those small increments and then it goes up. Like, you know, it's like exponential growth. Once you've been doing it for a while, it just builds on each other, just like how the compound effect happens with finances. And so, so this is, this is really helpful. You're right, for kapha. The other thing is celebrating wins. So like acknowledging. So a lot of times people come into my program and they have a really, really hard time acknowledging the real, the small wins, right? Like they're like, well, I'm not doing as much as I want to be doing. And I'm like, okay, yes. And— You like, you're doing, you're breaking out of the mindsets that you have been conditioned with your entire life. You're breaking out of the all-or-nothing mindset. You're breaking out of the willpower mindset. You are, you know, shifting your identity. You're doing all these things. And so this will create that exponential growth later on. And also, like, you're doing these, these seemingly small things. And so you're like, your behavior is maybe not quite where you want it to be yet, but you are doing some behavior changes. And you're also doing all of the backend work. And so when we can like celebrate those really small things, that's really helpful. So every time I talk with my clients, I have them start with a win because we always have some win. And when we can acknowledge those wins, wins, it actually creates momentum and motivation. I don't think we need to— I don't think we can rely on motivation to, to be the end-all be-all for behavior change, because motivation also, like willpower, like can wax and wane. But, but it does create that like momentum for getting excited about the things that you're changing and that you're like, oh yeah, that actually is something that I can celebrate. A lot of times we, we don't do that.

My clients do a wins board where you put a corkboard up on the wall or a dry erase board. And every time you have a win, big or small, like I brushed my teeth today, that's a win on something.

Yes.

So like, write it all down. Because I think that when we're more mindful of it, that it, it can be quite impactful because the research shows that if we see something or experience something bad, the brain will immediately integrate that. It's evolutionarily favorable to be aware of bad danger, but we have to be mindful for approximately 30 seconds in order to install something positive, like our wins.

I didn't know it was 30 seconds.

Yeah. Wow.

Yeah,

which is like a very interesting phenomenon of people who are taking selfies and taking videos at concerts is the initial— we're like, oh, they're not in the moment, they're on their phones. But there's this interesting study that came out that was talking about how it actually may be positive because someone is stopping, holding up their phone, they're in the moment, they're taking a video or taking a picture and then saving that. Hmm.

Kind of interesting.

So a tech-free version is to do a wins board.

Yes, I love that. I actually, um, one of my friend's husbands told us, told Todd and I, for our wedding day, he was like, so I heard this from someone, it sounds kind of weird, but like during your wedding day, just like take mental pictures, like just like snapshots in your brain, because he was like, I did that this was like, he is like not a, like, you know, hippie or like new age or like, you know, into like psychology or anything. But he's like, but it was so impactful. And now I remember those moments from my wedding day. And I was like, so I did that. And I now have those moments in my mind that, like, I don't have them on as a photo, but I'm going to be able to remember those forever. And I was able to be fully, fully present with that, with those like really good feelings. Um, so I love that. I love that it's 30 seconds.

And I love—

cool.

I think that kind of is a really good segue into your next one. And I don't want to give it away, but I'm kind of thinking about pairing this taking a picture with a mindset state. So you like— it's easier when you're at your wedding, you're like, oh, this is such a beautiful moment, take a mental picture. But if we take that picture and we have an intentional mind state, like, I'm grateful for this opportunity even though it may have been difficult, or, um, wow, I learned something from this. So I'm just kind of like excited for your next one because I have— I have— yeah, you guys, I'm cheating a little.

I love it. So yeah, so the next one is, uh, is self- compassion and, and curiosity. So sometimes, especially if I'm talking to someone who has a lot of pitta, and I used to be this way too, when I hear self-compassion, like, I was like, okay, yeah, whatever. Like, yeah, but like, okay, but I want to like actually do some things. I don't want to just like sit back and not do anything. And I think a lot of times that's what people think, think of when they think of self-compassion as like, just like let yourself do whatever and don't ever make any changes. And just like, you know, it feels like you're like giving up or something. That's not at all what self-compassion is. In fact, without self-compassion, it's way harder to make any behavior changes. in our lives. And so if nothing else, if you want to make some changes in your life, like, have that be the motivation for self-compassion. If you don't care as much about like being kind to yourself, which I mean, I think that everyone should be more kind to themselves. But, um, but then if you're, if you're like, okay, self-compassion doesn't really resonate with me, you can also think of it as curiosity. And so sometimes that can be a little bit more accessible for people, and that's fine. Curiosity— I like to look at all of these things from a lens of curiosity instead of a lens of like dogmatic, anything dogmatic, or any like rules or anything like that. I like— and curiosity also breaks down shame. So if you hold something that you feel shame around to the light of curiosity, it's going to dissolve. The shame is going to dissolve around it because curiosity, you're not blaming yourself, you're not blaming anyone else. You're just wondering. You're like in wonderment about whatever that thing is. And so you can actually start to, you can start to like feel more of that self-compassion when you come to it from a lens of curiosity. So when you fall off the wagon, or, you know, you don't have to call it that, some people kind of cringe at that one. When you are, when you like aren't doing what you want to be doing, just hold up a lens of curiosity and self-compassion. And that will actually allow you to get back on track a lot faster. When we don't have that self-compassion, compassion, when we start to feel that shame, blame, guilt, start— we start beating ourselves up. And that takes a lot of mental energy. And then we don't have the mental energy to do the actual habit change. So it's like this wild thing that we think that we can like beat ourselves up into change, we can like bully ourselves into, into doing like what we, what we want to do. But that's actually, it's actually not the case. So when can have that self-compassion. It's like, okay, that happened. That's fine. Now what can I do going forward? Or maybe that happened. Why did that happen? Ooh, get curious. What can I do in the future to make sure that it doesn't happen? Or what can I do in the future to just be intentional about it? So maybe I am going to eat that thing again and I'm going to be totally cool with it. Or maybe I am going to You know, do less exercising and more socializing during a certain period of my, my life, but I'm just going to be intentional about it. So, so all of this is to say that it'll help you get back on track a lot faster. So make your mistakes. James Clear, who wrote Atomic Habits, he also talks about how people who are high, high achievers They make just as many mistakes as other people, but what the difference is, is that they just get back right, right back to it. So, so there's actually no significant difference between like skipping a day of your habits as long as you don't skip the next day. So then there's like, there's like when you skip the next day, then you're like, you know, you're, you kind of lose that momentum. But if you just skip one day, all right, cool. Just get back on it. And so when you can have that lens of curiosity, it's so helpful.

I think that's why it's so important to, to have the right people in your world, you know, because we're thinking about the difference between high achievers. And what they're doing differently is if you're surrounding yourself with people that are very all or nothing and they're not willing to do the 1% changes and they're all out of willpower or their identities are someone who struggles or, you know, there's this lack of curiosity because they're so zoomed in that they can't do that zoom out and be curious about it. You know, it's like, how can we create an environment so that we can have that self-compassion So that we can be successful.

So good. Which brings me to my next one, and that is get support.

You guys love it.

So thanks for teaming me up there.

I got you, girl.

So getting support is, is so huge, and it's something that I also used to write off. I kind of was raised— my parents are amazing. Dr. Cain knows how amazing, uh, my parents are. I told her about them. Um, and, you know, they've been into self-help since my dad, like, was listening to, like, self-help tapes when he was in high school. So, like, they've been into it, but they also raised me with this belief that, like, I can just do it. I can self-help. I can just do it on my own. Like, it's this, like, a very I think of it like sort of as like an American ideal of being able to just like do it on your own kind of thing.

Yeah, individualist culture.

Yeah, yeah, totally. It's like the American dream. You can like, you know, stake it out on your own and like, like just succeed by yourself. And, you know, there are some like great qualities to, you know, being able to to be like, have autonomy and like do things for ourselves. But if you want to succeed faster, more efficiently, more effectively, and more enjoyably, then get support.

Huge. Huge.

Yeah.

And that's, I think, part of what's so cool about our relationship and our friendship is that we can support each other by bringing our similarities to the table, but then supporting each other's differences. And I think that's been a catalyst in my self-development and my success. And so, you know, finding people that you resonate with that can support you, but who are also going in a similar trajectory can make a real big difference.

Totally. Yeah. So that can look like, you know, joining, joining a group with people who have similar interests to you. Um, you know, think think of the things that you, that you love to do. You know, there are meetup groups, there are Facebook groups, there are different things for ways to connect with people if you don't already have some people like this in your life. Or you can also just cultivate those relationships with the people that you do have. And you can also like work with practitioners, hire a coach. Obviously, I'm a health coach. I'm a big fan of hiring a coach. I I always have a coach of some sort or multiple because I realized that it's not, it's not worth it to do it on my own. If I want to do it, um, if I want to be more effective with it, if I want to do it faster, then I'm going to get support. Um, if there's any area that I want to uplevel in my life, whether it's personal or business or anything. So, you know, working with a professional Is amazing. But if you want to start small, then just try to, you know, bring a group of people together and you can kind of do it from the ground level up as well.

Yeah, like a book club. And Hadlee has so many amazing books. And, you know, so finding some like-minded people, if you don't have the budget to hire a coach, is, you know, take that 1% and start start reading and studying with people and then growing. And then once you have that investment ready and you find the right fit, then you can do coaching. And don't do the all or nothing. Don't, you know, yeah, listen to this podcast and be like, oh my gosh, I can't afford a coach, like I'm stuck. But rather, this is the year of yes and. And so yes, you can grow. And yes, you can do that in Expensively. And yes, a coach will help you take that even farther, but where can you start right now?

Yes. So good. I love it.

Yay. So we've been talking about behavioral strategies and how Ayurveda shows us that there are essential habits and strategies that can help us in our bodies, minds, and spirits. And so Hadlee, you've been teaching us about strategies that can help us implement the habits with greater success. You talked about identity evolution, you talked about breaking out of all-or-nothing thinking, you talked about self-compassion, curiosity, and the importance of getting the right support. And so there are some habits, and so in the amount of time that we have remaining, could you just briefly introduce us to those? Because I feel like that's some of the good we don't want to miss.

Totally. Yes. So, so the habits that Ayurveda has, has basically outlined for us, uh, and the habits that I coach my clients in, there are 10 of them. Well, there are, there are 9. Um, easeful living was added on because without that, that one's a little bit less tangible. It's not like, here, do this. It's not like something to check off the to-do list, but it's sort of like We got to have that mindset. Otherwise we can check all the things off the to-do list and then still feel stressed and overwhelmed. And, you know, we've just checked the things off the to-do list, right? Right. So that part's really important. But that one's number 10. So number 1 gets us started, gets us ready for all the other ones. It also breaks us out of the all-or-nothing mindset. So that is earlier and Lighter dinners. I love that this one comes first because we don't do the whole like, oh, I'll start tomorrow thing. We can start today with this one.

Mm-hmm.

And then, so the reason that we do this is because it helps us to— it helps our quality of sleep. It helps, um, it helps us To, you know, be able to actually like eliminate in the morning as well. So our body is able to digest the food, uh, and digest it like before we— and a little bit during sleep. But instead of like feeling really full while we're sleeping and then not getting the restorative qualities or the restorative, um, uh, parts of sleep that are really important. A lot of times we don't have as great quality sleep when we eat really late, or especially if we are like drinking really late, or, you know, these, these different things, then we won't get that quality of sleep that we want to get. So, so that— so earlier, lighter dinners sets us up for early to bed, or having, having good sleep hygiene essentially is what that one is all about. Then the next one is start the day right. So there are a couple things that go into this one. One is eliminating, like pooping. So I talk about poop a lot with my clients. Yeah, I'm sure you do as well.

So important, yes.

And so being able to, you know, eliminate waste is very important for the functioning of our bodies as You know, and as hopefully most of you guys know, but if you don't, then it's very important. So start the day right. Part of it is hydrating. So drinking a bunch of water, and that actually starts peristalsis, which is basically like your body is like churning and it helps you to then poop after that. So that's— so earlier, lighter dinner sets us up for this, for early to bed, but earlier, lighter dinner also sets us up for being able to eliminate in the morning and starting, starting the day right. It also includes like having a morning routine and what— and that's where we can tailor it, right? We can tailor all of these habits. So whatever morning routine is going to work best for you and for your doshas, your constitution, whatever imbalances you might have currently, or just whatever your lifestyle looks like right now. So maybe your morning routine is 30 seconds of a meditation, or maybe it's, you know, an hour of journaling and meditation and breathwork. And, you know, you have this like magical morning. Mine changes in here in Croatia. It's been, uh, totally different than what it was when I was in Michigan. So changes, uh, based on the seasons and where you are, all of that stuff. Then we can— then we go into breath-body Practice. That's habit number 4. Breath-body practice, I call it that instead of exercise or physical activity or working out because, well, anyone can do it. So just essentially like bringing— aligning your breath with your body is what it's all about. So even if you can't move, if you have mobility issues, you can still align your breath. with your body. And also, a lot of times when we're like working out, we don't align our breath with our bodies. So, you know, we can do that, we can like just push through a workout but never actually feel like we're embodied. So that's a big part of it. Um, and then we can totally tailor that one to whatever dosha you have out of balance, right? Kapha needs a lot more intense vigorous, like longer physical activity, whereas like vata needs more stabilizing physical activity and pitta needs more soothing physical activity. We all need all of the things like as human beings, but you can do more and less of certain things. Right.

It's about the balance, right?

Yes. Yes. And so, and then number 5 is plant-based lifestyle. So this is not like, you know, being vegan or having like a diet. Rather, it is getting really like more in tune with the plants and allowing that to inform your food choices. So we go really deep into how, you know, how plants and our different foods like impact us as as well as like, how do you, how do you have a relationship with the plants? So like sitting by the plants like you were talking about and like actually having a relationship with them, that's a huge part of what we talk about in that habit. And so that's like, that's where we kind of go with that. It gets, it gets really cool actually. There's a huge, huge paradigm shift that happens for people with that one. So Number 6 is self-massage. So this is also called, called Abhyanga in Sanskrit, which is the, the language used in Ayurveda. And it's essentially like massaging your whole body with oil, or you can also do dry brushing or dry massage. Dry brushing is really great for like stimulating lymph for kapha. And then like, you know, oil massage is really, really great for vata. It's super grounding, especially if you use sesame oil. So there's different types of oil, different types of self-massage that you can do. Coconut oil is great for pitta in the summer. Uh, that's what I use in the summer, and then I use sesame oil in the winter. So, you know, there's these different ways that we can tailor it to the doshas. Um, number 7 is that sitting in silence. I won't go super into that since I talked about it already, but it's Um, I call it that instead of meditation or even mindfulness. Uh, sitting— just sit your booty down and be quiet. You can also do like guided things and stuff too, but, um, I really like calling it that. Uh, and then healthier eating guidelines is number 8. So that one is— gets a little bit more refined in like what types or what times of day we're eating. You know, different little like tips and tricks on how to, uh, how to eat healthier for ourselves. You'll notice that it's number 8. You'll notice that like it's not— a lot of times we think it's about the food and it's not about the food. It's about all of the behaviors around the food. Um, and so getting all of these things put into place before we come to that one is super, super helpful, especially if we have a weird relationship with food, which most of us do. So then number 9 is sense organ self-care. So taking care of our senses, taking care of our, our sense organs, so like our ears, our eyes, our tongue, doing some different self-care practices with that. tongue scraping you may have heard of, or some different like eye care practices because we, most of us are like staring at a screen all day. And so, or we're on our phones if we're not, you know, on a computer screen. And so our eyes are like overused. And so doing some things for that. And there's some other practices as well for all of our sense organs. And then number 10 is easeful living. So there you go.

I love that. And I like that you're using these really simple and yet powerful descriptions. I like using sitting in silence instead of using mindfulness and meditation, because mindfulness and meditation feels like you're just adding something to do. Yeah, there's entire fields that are like this. is how you do it versus sitting in silence. Like, we were told to do that as kids, you know? And so—

Right.

I like, I like that you're making it feel simple, which is, you know, brings us back to the beginning of the conversation where, you know, if we feel, I want to increase my success, but I just feel so burned out, I don't know where to go. I have all these ideas, but it's hard to gather them and put them forward. And you're helping create these behavioral strategies that make life more simple, that has this interest compounding that will help increase success without making it harder in the process. You make it easier.

Mm-hmm.

I really, really like that. And I also love how this goes into our Ayurvedic doshas and how we can look and understand our body better and then start to create this relationship with fine-tuning it. And, you know, I think about my, my vata constitution where the, the more averse I am to sitting in silence is an indicator of how much I need to do it.

Yeah, totally.

I really like that. And so I'm really grateful for that. And I'm really also grateful that we actually started the habits by talking about the strategies, because I feel like the strategies, it's like the mindset that we bring to the habits. I have compassion, I have curiosity, I'm changing my identity of who I am from what I was to what I want to be. And this is— these are the tools by which I'm going to accomplish that. And so I feel like the way you've brought the material together makes a lot of sense.

Yes, thank you. Yeah, I love it. It's like my life's passion, working on all of these things. I think it's, it's like the missing, the missing link for actually implementing this stuff is those strategies. So yeah, it's fun.

You, you offer group work to help people do this. And so, like you said, tailoring beyond the scope of this mini course to people, if you're listening to this, and you're really vibing with it, Hadlee's got your back. And So check out her program and that of course will be in the notes and you can get that online support from her where, you know, if you want to know more about like, what the heck is this willpower doesn't work, like I'm interested, but I'm not convinced. Well, she, she'll dive more deeply. This is really intended to just be an outline and a scaffold for you to start thinking more about. And then we'll also include more free resources. Like I have a blog on, efficiency hacks that includes information about automation. I have a morning springboard on how to start the day right. And so we'll include all of that, but I really encourage you that, you know, a lot of this that Hadlee's teaching us, it takes time. Like taking an herbal tincture, you may not notice changes for 6 weeks. And it's the same with some of these habits and these dietary changes that you make. Like you will get results quickly, but really true lasting healing change takes time. And having a group with, you know, mentors and a leader like Hadlee supporting you can be absolutely profoundly life-changing for your success in your, your life.

Yeah, totally. And that's, that's what we do is like, we have lots of layers of support. So it's, we have that community aspect where you're surrounded by people who are also You know, shooting for the same types of goals as you are and who are uplifting you. And then we also have people who have been through the program before who become mentors for the new members. And then also, of course, like the coaching aspect. Hi, sorry about that.

That's okay.

Like technology. So I'm on my phone.

This is fine. The last thing that we heard was the coaching aspect.

Oh yes, so we've got lots of different layers of support, which I find to be the most effective. So if there's— I mean, obviously you don't have to work with me, but if you find it resonant, I would love to explore the possibility and to see if it's a good fit. Um, but you know, you want to find a a community that's available for, you know, that you have like a group as well as a leader as well as different layers of support can be really, really helpful as well. And that's, I find, what is missing in a lot of, um, a lot of areas. So like, you know, having someone who is like just a couple steps ahead of you, because if you just have someone who's like way ahead of you, so like a coach or someone else, sometimes it can feel a little bit like, oh man, I'm never gonna get there. And so, yeah. And so having someone who's a couple steps ahead of you, who has, you know, has a couple things under their belt, but is helping you kind of along the way, can be really empowering as well. So that's what we've got going on.

That's awesome. It's been such a joy to do this series with you, and I hope that our listeners— I hope that you have gleaned some great information out of here. And this is, you know, a process of layering. It's the gift that keeps on giving. So listen to it, digest it, listen to it again, because as the more I hear Hadlee talk, the more I learn. And, you know, sometimes she'll say something once and then she says it later in a different way, and then it It sticks, or, ah, then I get the light bulb. So, you know, listen to this course. If you think anybody else would benefit from it, then please share. That's how we get the word out so that people can change their lives, and we'd be ever so very grateful. Also, if you can let us know how you liked the course, how you loved our series, and, you know, just giving us that feedback would be so wonderful. Um, And if there's anything else you'd love to learn about, Hadlee and I love excuses to get together and do these kinds of things. And so we do. Please, please give us that feedback. We'd be really grateful. You could send it to me on my Instagram @drnicolekane, or you could send it to Hadlee and you're Happy Healthy Hadlee. Here's your Instagram, right?

Yes.

Yeah.

So, yep. And Hadlee is spelled with 2 Es.

H-A-T-L-E-E. It's spelled the right way. Just kidding. Yeah. So any last thoughts, lady, before we finish up this amazing series?

Oh my gosh, I hope that you guys got a ton out of this, um, and I hope that it just sparks so much passion in you. I hope that getting some of these things under your these, these health things that you can do for yourself, whether it's lifestyle behavior change strategies, the way that you're eating, the herbs that you maybe want to take. I hope that all of those things help you to be able to create that foundation and remember those 4 aims of life. So hopefully it allows you to create that foundation of health and then that creates creates kind of the means for being able to, or follow the other aims of life. So that's the dharma, which is your purpose. That is kama, which is pleasure or enjoyment of life, including sex, right? We talked about that in our last video. And then also moksha, which is freedom, liberation. Being able— feeling free from like the ties of the material world while also at the same time, you know, enjoying the physical world. And so we have all 4 of those things. And so that is kind of the overarching theme and the thing that we want you guys to be able to achieve for yourselves.

So thanks for trusting us with that amazing information.