#344 - Breaking Bad Habits In 3 Steps

Hey, guys, remember, this podcast always airs on Monday where I'm teaching you strategies to work with your mind to change your life. Now, on Wednesdays, every Wednesday at noon Eastern, in the middle of the week, in the middle of the day, we're gonna go live on YouTube talking about the podcast on Monday. So make sure you listen to this podcast thoroughly and bring your bad habits on our Wednesday YouTube livestream, because I'm gonna take your questions, we're gonna go deep into this, and we're gonna break these bad good. So I'll see you on the live stream Wednesday, noon Eastern. All right, today we're talking about breaking bad habits. Like, breaking bad habits. Okay? Because it's so vital that we understand the power of habits. I know you've heard it before. It's, you know, first you make your habits, then your habits make you. But here's the deal. Sometimes we're, like, stuck in these bad habits, and they start to just take over, and it feels like an addiction because you. You can't stop doing it. Like, why do I always sleep in? I can't stop pushing my snooze alarm? Why do I keep binge eating? Why. Why can't I stop yelling at my kids? Like, you name it. Like, you. You know, it's like the favorite flavor of bad habits. Like, you get to choose whichever one it is. But we all have these. And there are these things that we're just, like, tolerating, but we don't have to tolerate it anymore. I'm actually going to show you in today's episode, three Steps to Breaking Bad Habits. Now, what I love about what we do here at the Hannah Keeley Podcast is it's neurobiblical transformation. Basically, we use the Bible to work with our brain to change our life. So whatever you seek, whatever you feel like you want to incorporate in your life, like that next level for you, I guarantee this strategy is buried there in God's word. So that's where we're going to go. Look, today is how are we going to break these bad habits? Three simple steps. Because God would never, ever, ever make it hard. Sorry, my throat. God would never make it hard to break bad habits because he doesn't want you to be enslaved by anything. He wants you to be free. He wants you to. To be successful. He wants you to be able to command your life. So the first thing to understand is that we can't hold condemnation over ourselves. Because think about it. When you do those bad habits, when, oh, wow, I bought too much stuff off Amazon again. I yelled at my kids again. I ate too many sweets again. You know, I went for the wine again. Like, whatever it is, right? You fill it in immediately. What follows that is condemnation. And this feels like you're guilty, like you did something bad, like, almost like this. I call it a shame blanket, right? We're already dealing with trying to work around a bad habit, and now we add the shame blanket on top of it and we feel worse. This called self condemnation, and the Bible is very clear about that. Now, first of all, understand that God gets it. God's not holding condemnation over you. God is not the one saying, you screwed up. Why can't you stop doing this? What is wrong with you? That is not the voice of God. That's actually the voice of the enemy. And we can see this in. When Paul wrote to the Romans, in Romans 7, verse 15, he says, for what I'm doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice. But what I hate, that I do. So you can see he's dealing here with, I have these bad habits. Like, the things I don't want to do, I end up doing it. I don't want to, you know, I don't want to eat like this. I don't want to talk like this. I don't want this to enslave me. I don't want to keep on not showing up at the gym. But why am I doing the things I don't want to do? And why is it the things I do want to do, I just can't do it? We have to realize there is right now what is going on with that when your behavior is not lining up with your desire. Like, I want to get in shape, but I can't make a habit of going to the gym. I want to lose weight, but I can't stop eating sugary sweets. Like, whenever that happens. What's going on is cognitive dissonance. All that means is your conscious is desiring something that your subconscious has got a wall against. The psalmist. So consciously we're like, wow, I really want to do this. I want this to. This to be my life. I want to practice these good habits. And somewhere in your subconscious there's this core belief. Like, you know, you can't do that. Like, why are you even trying? Like, that is not you, so you may as well bail. So it's like this, like, battle of the brains, right? We have our. Our higher functioning brain that's consciously trying to create success. But then we have our. The other side of our brain, which is that, you know, that cave brain that keeps us safe and keeps us backed up and does not want to move forward into success. That's saying, no, you don't. I don't believe it. I'm calling bluff on you. So this cognitive distance results in us not being able to maintain good habits and also not being able to break bad habits. So the first thing we have to realize is, let's just understand our brain is doing what it's supposed to do. Like, no condemnation, no shame, no guilt. Your brain is doing exactly what it should. Your brain is saying, yeah, you do need to eat sweets. Your brain is saying, you. Yeah, you do need to keep looking at porn. Your brain is saying, yeah, you do need to get into fights with your spouse, okay? Because that was a pattern that was set up. So your brain's doing what it should do, but we just have to think beyond our brain. I call it, like, letting your mind think past your brain. And that's what we do here, is we're using these strategies, these neurobiblical strategies to help our mind think past our brain so we can now change our life to. To be more abundant, to be free, to experience success. So it says right there in Romans 8:1, check this out. Therefore, there. Therefore there is now no condemnation, no adjudging guilty of wrong for those who are in Christ Jesus who live and walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the spirit. So understand this. There is no condemnation. So don't hold guilt over yourself. Don't try to like bad habits, love to multiply in secrecy. That's their favorite place. Like when we. In the dark corners of our life, in our private rooms, in our. In our secret places, that's where bad habits flourish. And what holds them in those dark places is condemnation, shame. And so we're going to. First off, this isn't even the first step. But it's like that mindset we need to get in so that we can let these go is, I'm not gonna hold guilt over myself, okay? There's no shame. I've done nothing, quote, unquote, wrong. It's just my brain and I can now learn strategies to break these bad habits. So this quote by Wayne Dyer. I want to share this with you. He said, you leave old habits behind. By starting out with the thought, I release the need for this in my life. So no one intentionally creates a bad habit. Like, I really want you to hold that for a second. Think about the Bad habit that you want to break and realize, I did not intentionally create this bad habit. All bad habits. I don't care what bad habit you're talking about. It could be like, I have a bad habit of speeding on the highway. Doesn't matter. All bad habits started as a thought. So what we do here is we get to the thought. So now we can feel differently about it, and now we can do something differently. And now we have a better circumstance. We have broken a bad habit. But the first thing is we've got to get to the thought. Every bad habit began as a thought. It perpetuated itself as an action. And now the action becomes the reward for the action. And it can exist without the thought. I hope you track that. Let me break it down for you. Every bad habit, think about your bad habit. It started as a thought and then that, like the process of practicing that bad habit became its own reinforcer. Now you don't even have to think the thought. Now the bad habit is reinforcing itself. That's when you know you've developed a pattern. And all a habit is, is a pattern. Whether it's good or bad doesn't matter. It's just a pattern of behavior. So what started as a thought now lives on and perpetuates itself as an action. So now we understand about bad habits, and we're going to let go of any shame or condemnation over that habit, and we're just going to be like, cool, all right, I'm awesome. I'm on the right track. I am clear with myself. And now we're going to move forward with, with these three steps on breaking the bad habit. And step number one, create awareness. Create awareness. So awareness is this bad habit is going on now. A lot of times with bad habits, we want to ignore them. We don't want to confront them because we could have tried to change them. It doesn't work. Why try? Now let me ignore it. Which what happens? We put it in the dark place, and now it can multiply and get stronger and fall, flourish there in the dark places. So we're just going to create a lot of awareness. So think about that bad habit, right? You would not do it in front of people. Probably. Maybe not. Or maybe you do and you're ashamed of it. I remember this one time when I was shopping at Target and I heard this woman in the aisle next to me, like, just yelling at her kid, like, calling her kid every name in the book and telling her, kid, like, I should have left you at home. You make me so mad you can't do anything. And I'm just like, my heart's breaking, right? I'm there in Target saying, I want to go over to the next aisle and rescue that kid. And I was literally on the way. Like, I was walking. I couldn't stop. You guys may have done the same thing. I don't know. Because I was like, at least maybe if someone was there in the aisle, she would be more perceptive and more aware and stop talking that way, right? Because bad habits, we often do in secret. So when I was going down the aisle and I was starting to turn, and then I. And then someone else went down that aisle. And here's the crazy thing. The lady knew her, and she said, oh, my gosh, how are you? All of a sudden, she turned really sweet, right? Our personalities, like, as soon as we see someone we want to impress or we know, all of a sudden we turn into this different person. So she's like, oh, my gosh, how are you? And she's like, hey, I heard you. You okay? Are you mad at something? And, like, she confronted her. She's like, no, I'm just tired and just. Just getting on my nerves. And I was like, yeah, baby. All right. Like, you've got to be careful. These bad habits are live. Are like breeding. They're living, they're existing, and they're getting stronger and stronger. And if you're not careful, that bad habit will take over. That bad habit of yelling at her child and berating her child now took over, and now her private and public life started to blur. Bad habits, although they love to stay in secret, they will not stay, and they'll eventually move over into a public platform. What starts in private will always show up in public. What starts in secret and loves to hide in the dark will eventually find its way to the light. So here's, like, this bad habit that now she couldn't control outside of the privacy of her home. Well, I'm just assuming, like, maybe she didn't even care, but it seemed like she cared when that some. When that other person came down the aisle, and she completely changed her demeanor. So what I'm. Why I'm sharing this with you is we have to understand what is happening in private is still and could be even more potentially dangerous than what happens in public. So all the awareness, like, not condemnation. I'm not talking about condemnation of feeling bad about it, but just complete awareness. Right? Because God will not promote your public life further than you are willing to go in your private life. Did you get that? God will not promote your public life further than you're willing to go with your private life. So if you can't get break these things in private, they will find their way into public. They will be revealed. What happens in the dark will be revealed in the light. So let's break these habits. So first, create awareness. It says in crap. I didn't write the verse down. Oh, do you have a computer screen that's open right now? Can you look up, therefore, surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses. It's chapter two, but I don't have. I don't have the book. I think it's Hebrews. Great. Hebrews 12. 1. Okay, okay, cool. All right, so check this out. In Hebrews, chapter 12, verses 1 and 2, I'm going to read this to you. It says, therefore then, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses who have borne testimony to the truth, let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance and unnecessary weight. And that sin which so readily, deftly and cleverly clings to and entangles us. And let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that's set before us. Now, that's verse one. Check it out. It says, that sin that clings to and entangles you. Doesn't that sound like a bad habit? Yeah, it's like clinging to you. You can't cast it aside. But it's saying that we can strip off and throw aside all of that unnecessary weight, all of that sin that clings to us. So how do we strip it off? So if you look back like, this is why we use the Bible to change our brains, y'. All. It is not hard at all. You just learn these strategies and apply the strategies. So how do we create awareness when things happen in private? Because we're not going to do that. They're going to keep on existing in private. So how do we do that? How do we set aside this sin? Is. Go back. It says, therefore, since we are surrounded by. By so great a cloud of witnesses, let us drip off. So here's what I'm asking you before I move on to verse two, here's what I'm asking you. If you knew you were surrounded by witnesses, would you still do that behavior? Would you still open up your laptop and look at porn? Would you still shove those five cookies in your mouth? Would you still scream at your kids? What, like you have to ask yourself these questions if you were surrounded by a bunch of witnesses that was watching what you were doing, would you still do it? Probably not, because now it turned it from secret into exposure. So this is how we create an obscene amount of awareness, is we pretend we are always surrounded by witnesses. So it says here in verse two, looking away from all that will distract to Jesus, who is the leader and the source of our faith, giving the first incentive for our belief, and is also its finisher, bringing it to maturity and perfection. He, for the joy of obtaining the prize that was set before him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God. So how do we do this? We do exactly what Jesus did. We're able to look forward into the life we want to create, into that success, into that freedom, right? Freedom from the bad habit. And because we. Because of that vision, we're able to endure the practice of breaking the habit. Now, how do we do that? Go back. We pretend that we are always surrounded by witnesses. Well, that sounds kind of hard, Hannah. Like, how do I do that all the time? You want me to show you a really cool trick to create a ridiculous level of awareness? So I remember when there was a time I really struggled as a young mom, like, just keeping the house clean, right? Or doing projects with the kids or keeping my energy up, not being distracted. Like, it was hard to. To take care of seven kids and homeschool and clean the house and pay the bills and all the things that was a struggle for me. And I would always, like, I remembered, like, if. If someone was coming to visit, the house was always clean, right? Or if I knew that, you know, something was scheduled that I had, like, it was necessary, I would always meet the deadline. So what I did is I looked at this first verse, right? Therefore, since we're surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses now, we can throw off the sin that clings to us. So I pretended like I was in a reality show called Lifestyles of Rock Star Moms. Can you just employ your imagination with me? Can you do that? Because I believe God gives us the gift of imagination. He even said, with imagination, I. Nothing will be impossible for us. So let's employ our imagination for a moment. Okay? You're gonna have homework from this podcast, and we're going to imagine we're in a reality show, and there's a camera crew there, and there's a director, and there's the producer, and there's the lighting person, and there's the. There's a person who's picking up the sound, and you're miked. And. And so we're imagining that we're in a. In a reality show now that has pulled that pattern of being surrounded by witnesses up to our imagination. So now how we interact with our family, what we do in secret, what we do in private now, we hold under this, like, microscope of public exposure. Now, this is only for people who truly want to change their lives. If you don't want to change your life, I don't know why you would be listening to this podcast. But this is only for people who are crazy enough to do those strategies that really work to change their lives. So we're going to break. We're going to create awareness, that first step of breaking a bad habit by pretending that we are always. And guess what, guys? You are. You are always surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses. Because what we experience in the natural world is just kind of like a mirror of what's actually going on. You are always surrounded right now with angels and demons, like, all the time. Huge multitudes of angels, multitudes of demons just waiting for their open window to come in and help you create the life that you already are imagining. Now, good or bad, what are you imagining for yourself? Imagine, like, what's the point? Why even try to change this habit? It's got a hold on me. I feel better when I do it. Okay, then the demons are like, yeah, let's go. It's like, game on time. But if you're like, all right, you know what? I know I'm surrounded by witnesses. I'm surrounded by angels. I'm surrounded by demons. I'm pretending like there's like, I'm in a reality show right now, and I'm showing the world who I really am. And I'm going to up the bar. And now the angels are like, yeah, game on. Let's go help her out. Let's go help him out. Right? So we have to create awareness. That is the first thing. Now the second thing, if you're willing to go further, you're willing to go further. That's what I'm all about, baby. Let's change your life by changing the way you think in accordance with the word of God. Now, step two is practice. Urge tolerance. Now, what is urge tolerance? Well, think about it. The reason you continue with that bad habit is you are doing two things. When the urge comes up to you fill in the blank with your bad habit. When the urge comes up to do that thing, you either. You do one of two things. You either try to resist it. Oh, I shouldn't I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't do that. All the condemnation comes in, right? Or you just react to it. You just reward it. And that means you do the behavior. So the urge comes up. You do the behavior, the urge comes up, you try to resist, but eventually you do the behavior. You will reward that urge. So I'm asking you, like, get this idea that I'm a practitioner, okay? I am a thought practitioner. That's what we do, is we are going to practice thoughts till they become beliefs, so they start directing our lives in a more positive direction. So this idea that I'm a thought practitioner now, I'm going to practice holding an urge, that's something that no one's ever taught. We're always taught, don't do it, don't do it, or, I did it, and I have all the shame with doing it. We're not taught that there's this even place where we develop, like, this mental fortitude by just holding the urge. So here's a helpful thought, if you're willing to do this, is I can feel anything. So let's put this into practice. Let's see what this really looks like. All right? Let's say binge eating. Let's say, like, you have this thought of, like, oh, I'm so tired, or, I need a reward, or I'm not enough, or all the thoughts that lead to this feeling of, I want to put food in my mouth. Now the urge strikes. Oh, there's cookies on the. In the fridge, right? Or there's a box of ice cream in the freezer. Or there's some, like, chips and I in some nacho sauce, and I make some. I can make some nachos. So that urge strikes. Now, what if you could just give yourself a minute instead of resisting it? Oh, no, I shouldn't. And instead of rewarding it, oh, let's eat it. You just exist with the urge. Think about it. Feel it. Whoever practices feeling urges. No one. That's why we're creatures of bad habits. So practice feeling the urge. What does the urge feel like in your body? What does the urge feel like in your energy level? And here's what I like to do. Feel the urge and then allow yourself to practice tolerating it. I'm not going to resist it or reward it. I will just tolerate it and feel it and let it travel through my body, through my body, through my body, down into the ground. And I'm just going to give it time. I can feel anything. Remember, that's our helpful thought. Here I can feel anything. So now we created awareness by imagining that we're always under surveillance, right? And now we practiced feeling the urge before it takes over. Just feel it. Allow yourself enough time to feel it and not respond or reward it. But step three, and this is critical, we have to replace it with a good habit. So check this out. In Matthew 12, it says, when the unclean spirit has gone out of a man, it roams through dry, arid places in search of rest, but it does not find any. Then it says, I'll go back to my house, from which I came out. And when it arrives, it finds the place unoccupied, swept by, put in order, and decorate it. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and make their home there. And the last condition of the man becomes worse than the first. So this is what typically happens when we try to break bad habits. They come back with their friends, right? And you may have experienced that. Like, oh, man, I lost, like, 40 pounds. I was doing so well. But then that habit came back, that urge came back, and guess what? I gained back the 40, plus 20 more. So the bad habit came back with his friends. Every time I'm working with the client and we're trying to pull out a thought that is toxic and not helping them, I make sure we put something there to fill its place. Because if not, what we've done is we have created a thought vortex. When you pull out a thought now, it's like this vortex, right? And it's spinning around and it's looking for any thought that can plop in there and create the same feeling that it had before that would result in an action. That's why you'll find when people are trying to, like, change their lives and they break one bad habit, it's like whack a mole, right? Another one pops up, another one pops up, and one. Well, now I'm monitoring what I'm eating, but I'm screaming at my kids all the time. Okay? Now, I'm not screaming at my kids, but I've put on 40 extra pounds, all right? Now I'm keeping a clean house, but I'm not keeping up with the bills. Do you see what I'm saying here? Like, if you don't. If you get rid of a bad habit without replacing it with a good one, that bad habit will come back. It could come back in another form, but it will come back bigger and better than it was before. So we cannot do these first two steps without the Third, and replace it with something helpful. So we have to think. Always go to the thought. Always go to the thought. So what we're going to do is remember that urge that you feel, that urge to go, to go eat, to go drink something, to go smoke weed, to go yell at your spouse, to go. Whatever the habit is, you feel the urge. So now we're going to replace it with a better thought, hold the urge and say, wait a minute, what was I thinking right before I felt this way? What was my thought? And remember, we're going to be thought practitioners, right? We're going to put a helpful thought in there. We're going to put a thought that makes us feel more sufficient instead of needy and graspy. And that is what an urge feels like. You need something, you're grasping onto something, there's this urgency behind it which never leads you to a health, healthy place. So we can feel the needy, graspy energy, but use that as a trigger to say, wait, I need to replace it with a thought, a better thought. Because we can't develop a good habit without first originating with a good thought. So we're going to use that urge as a trigger to think of a better thought. Remember, that response is going to lead us to a reward. So instead of the reward that was the bad habit, the feeling that you had when you ate, or the feeling that you got when you, when you checked out porn, or the feeling that you got when you drank, we're going to use the thought now to create that state. Think about it and reward yourself for it. Reward yourself for holding the urge and thinking of a better thought. I don't care if you're putting stars on your calendar or tally marks on a postcard or, or throwing marbles in a jar every time you're able to hold the urge. And then create a powerful thought that can make you feel freer or more abundant. You have to reward that, because that's how a habit is formed. A habit is always formed out of a reward. So we're going to reward that. We're going to reward your thoughts. So remember, number one, create awareness. And number two, practice tolerating the urge. And number three, replace it with a good habit. Which means we're going to reward the urge by creating a new thought. And you can put any thought in there. A thought that makes you feel full, a thought that makes you feel satiated, A thought that I am enough. A thought like everything's working for me. A thought, it can be a simple thought, like, I'm okay right now a simple thought. Like right now, I am all sufficient, something you can go ahead and create ahead of time. So when that urge strikes, you know where to go. Breaking bad habits is not hard. Remember, God would never make changing your life to be more successful, more in line with his word, hard or difficult. It's so easy. And that's what we do here at the Hannah Keeley Podcast. We make it simple, we make it easy, because God does want to bless you like crazy.