#346 - Leslie Means | Connecting Moms

Leslie, I am so excited to have you here on the Crazy Bless Show. I know.

I feel like dancing. Thank you. So this is an honor, so thank you so much.

Oh, my goodness. Well, guys, the reason she feels like dancing is she's working on her third cup of coffee. So I'm telling you, it could be the joy of the Lord, it could be the caffeine. I don't know.

It's both, it's both, it's both.

Sometimes we just need both. Right. So today we're pulling on both of that.

Absolutely.

So I am so excited to have you here, and I want to share a little bit about, you know, tell everyone who you are, what you are doing. But also, we are going to dive in today, talking about isolation and moms, about how we sometimes feel. I mean, I know I did seven kids. When I first started having kids, I was like, there ain't no one around who knows what I'm going through right now.

Yep.

So tell us a little bit about how you got into what you're doing, like, connecting moms.

So it's a long story, so I'm going to try to make it kind of short. So I am this broadcast journalism girl, and I grew up on a farm in central Nebraska. And I always knew, even though I was in this small farmhouse, my family, I grew up in a house that my great grandpa grew up in, that my grandpa grew up in, that my dad. So the story, the history of things there are really important to me. And I just always felt like this calling to tell stories.

Wow.

And so I knew when I went to school, I was like, that's what I'm going to do. Like, I want to be in broadcast journalism is what I thought I wanted to do. So after I got married, my husband and I moved. I met him in college, and we moved to Houston, Texas, where I had my first job in Beaumont, Texas, which was like an hour and a half drive from Houston, like every day. Because you can't get a big gig in tv. I think you might be able to now, but you couldn't back back in the day in the big markets, you had to start small. And so because, you know, and I was, I was like, okay, I'm a go getter. I'm going to do this. Like, I'm going to tell stories. And for this girl who always wanted to be in the big city, like, I thought for sure, like, I'm going to go to New York. Like, that was my goal. I'm in Houston. I'm like, I miss home. I miss home so much. And so my husband, being the great guy that he is, he left his dream gig for the Houston Rockets and came back to Nebraska, where I started my Talk show called MTV's Good Life. It was a. It was a local talk show. I was first an anchor and reporter and then I started this talk show and we got to talk to people throughout the community. And it was like this love I had, you know, everybody. I would come in, I'd get in there at 6 in the morning and I would leave at 2, which are like unheard of hours in TV.

And I got to talk to all.

These people, but I, like, I missed something and it was so weird. I talk about God whispers a lot in my life and how I feel like he moves us in different directions. And when I was there, my girls at that time were like 2 years old and 6 months. I have three kids, not seven. I mean, that's amazing. That's amazing. I get that all the time.

With enough coffee, you can do. You can perform miracles.

So, yeah, you get that all the time. I'm sure you're like, okay, here we go. But all right, I'm there. Two year old, six. Two year old, six month old. And I am like missing something. I'm like, there is more than I am supposed to do. Do you know when you get. You just know, like the gut feeling, you just know.

It's called a hankering.

I like that. Yes. You know, it's something I love that everybody has different little, little words.

You just get a hankering.

And I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have. Because on paper it was amazing. Like, it was great. It was a great, like, great gig. The people were wonderful, the pay was fine. It was comfortable. It was comfortable. But apparently I didn't want to be. And I think God didn't make me to be comfortable, honestly. So I got a phone call at work one day from a woman that I had met through my TV connections. I didn't know her well, but she just said, leslie, hey, give me a call. I have something I want to talk to you about. And no joke, I hung up the phone and thought, wouldn't that be cool if she had a job for me? Like completely random called her, she had a job for me. And I was like, okay, God, I hear it. I'm leaving. So I left TV and started working for the local chamber of commerce. Now, why a broadcast journalism girl should be at the Chamber of Commerce makes no sense. But now it does. Because that business side is when I really started. So I was there. I was meeting all these people. I loved the business connection, but, like, I bawled on the first day I was there. I didn't even know how to do an Excel spreadsheet. Like, how does this journalism go? Why would I know that? I don't know.

Yeah.

I'm like, I don't know.

And I'm kind of grateful. I don't know.

Right. So I came home that day from lunch. I'm like, God, what is this? And not long after that, there was a business plan competition that said they would give you $10,000 if you won this business plan competition. And we put together this plan for Hervey from home and we won the. And that's how it all started. I was able to. I know. And I just feel like, you know, you can look back now, hindsight, because that was almost 11 years ago, but it's like that was so many moments of God leading me to where I am today to start the website and to be able to share the stories from women across the globe is just the coolest gift.

Totally. That's so cool.

Oh, my long winded answer.

No, it's beautiful because I think what it also tells us is that God is in the middle of it. Like, I think sometimes we're like, I can't wait to get to that place where everything's going to be okay and I feel sufficient. But what we forget so often is like, God is in the middle of the journey. Like when he took his people out of captivity and into the promised land. The whole time he's like, I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to abandon you. I'm going to go before you. I'm going to come behind you. So I think sometimes in the. In the middle of the potty training and the teenage years and all the things, right. That we're like, does anyone know what I'm going through in the middle of it? When am I going to be out of it? No, no, no. God is right there. And so I think the more we can embrace the process, the more we can realize we're already living in the promise and we get somewhere, you know.

Oh, thank you for that. That is so, you know, when we can sit in what we are, that it's good right now. My dad always says, don't ever rush away today less, because the good stuff is right here. And I think it makes me get emotional because I think about that all the time. And. And as a mom and running a business, everything it has Been so hard. So hard. It's always hard. It's hard for everybody. And whatever you do, you know, but when you can pause and look at. Right at what's in front of you.

Yeah, that's the good stuff is so. But. But like you said, like, it's. It's all good. And I even think the hard part, like, we didn't have any plans going here. Like, literally, those of you who are listening, watching, we did not say, okay, we're going to talk about this today. We're kind of letting God lead this. But I truly think someone needs to hear this is the hard only exists in our perception of heart.

Oh, yes.

Like, it's really not hard. Like, what. What you're considering is hard is all the thoughts around it. And so if we could, like, camp out in that place where God loves me, he's here, I can trust him that he's got what's best for me and I can be sufficient right here, right now. Then we kind of like, dissolve all the hard.

Yes, I love that. And how do you do that? That's the question that a lot of people. For me, I always have to. You know, there's also a. That somebody wrote on her view. It's amazing. It was the. When you're in the whole, you know, the good friends are the ones that they don't ask, how can I help? They. They go down in the hole with you and. And pull you back up. Like, I just get emotional with that because that is. That's exactly so for me, when I'm in that space, I always try to lean on someone who can help me. For me, it's my husband. You know, whoever it is, I tell people all the time, I'm like, you've got to find at least one person who can help you in that darkness, in that tough spot to get to the next step to help you hear God better to, you know.

That's so true. That's so true. Well, I mean, I'm a. I'm a coach. Like, I'm a master coach. And one thing I tell people is, like, if you don't have a coach working with you, you can't solve a problem in the problem. Like, you can't solve your situation with the same mind that created it. So stop spiraling. Get someone who, you know is grounded in faith and who can see it through the eyes of God and say, hey, I need to call you on some things. Because we need those people, you know, to say, hey, girl, hold up. I see where you're going. I'm going to stand in the way.

Yep. Gosh, yeah.

But doesn't that, like, tie in immediately with what we. Well, with what we had planned on talking about, which, you know, we. Holy Spirit, welcome to me.

I know.

All right. Holy spirit, like, whatever you want to do with this, you're good. You're good.

Yep.

But, like, that ties into this isolation that a lot of moms feel today. They feel like I am alone. No one understands me. No one feels my pain. I remember I was talking with this one mom, Leslie, and we have a university for moms called Mom Master University. She said before she got in here, she held the thought, if I just disappeared, would anyone miss me? And I was like, oh, how heartbreaking. That's why it's so important that we get plugged into a community of moms who. Not just, like, they're not sure, like, gripe gang, you know, I'm talking about, like, yep.

Yeah.

Like, you can't sit with us on Wednesdays. We wear pink. No, they're those people who are like, no, we're godly. We're going to stand with you. We're going to be the ones who go in those dark alleys with you and snatch off our hoops. Right. Like, good with that. And we need those people. Because if you think you're alone, like, there's someone watching or listening right now, that's like, that sounds awesome to have friends like that. I have no one. I feel so alone right now, and my kids are leaning on me, my husband's leaning on me, my mom's leaning on me. And who do I lean on? Like, what do you tell that person?

Oh, I. First of all, I have. I just keep having goosebumps with this because I feel like it's a therapy session. So thank you for this. The more that I talk to people about her view in the book, I'm like, oh, yeah, this is what God's doing. Can. Can we talk about the loneliness? And let's go. The feeling that. So 2016, the website was, like, almost broke, and. And I was. I quit all my other jobs, and I'm working just her view, because my husband encouraged me. He's like, you need to just go all in on Herbie. I was like, okay, God, I'll do it. And then that month, it was June of 2016, and we found out that we were expecting our third baby. And a normal, normal person at this moment would be like, okay, less like, quit this job and go get another one. So you could, like, have A steady income. But I had such peace that it was all going to be okay. We refinanced our house that month so we didn't have to pay a mortgage. And I just kept talking to God. I was like, please, just like, show me if this is what you want me to do. Not long after that, I got an email from a woman who said, leslie, I've been praying about it. And her view was small. We were like 25,000 people, Facebook that time. She said, leslie, I found you. I've been praying about it. I really want to share your story on this. This story on her view. Can I do that? And it was a story about her friend who had died four months after her baby was born by suicide, postpartum depression. And I thought, yeah, I mean, I would. Yes, absolutely. I would love to share the story to help other women. And after that article was published, the website was never the same. And so many people found us. And much bigger than that is, we got an email not long after that from a woman who said, thank you for sharing that story. It saved my life. And I thought, this is it. Like, okay, God, this is where we all are. We need each other. And if you don't have that community, I feel like. Well, I feel like that is the mission of what we're supposed to be doing with her view and with the book. And somehow, somehow I'm supposed to be leading it. Because we need each other and we need to help each other from all parts, all parts of the world. And I tell our writers that all the time. I'm like, you guys have no idea how many people you're reaching. And you'll never know. You'll never know who's reading your words at 2 in the morning. Who needed to read that to not feel isolated in their own dark thoughts, you know? And I just thought, wow, that's God. God is. Is awesome in that.

That is God, right?

I mean, I cannot do it.

He just shows up that way so many times. I think, Leslie, you can tell, you can tell me what you think, but I think we're like, God, when are you going to do this? When are you going to rescue these people? When are you going to come through here? When are you going to bring peace here? And he's like, no, no, when are you going to do it? Because Jesus said, it's finished. Like, if we truly believe in the finished work now, we put on the mantle. We're not trying to, like, elbow our way through the crowd and grab hold of the mantle now. We are the ones to wear the mantle, go out into the world and say, yeah, I. It's going to pour through me. I am here as a representative. We're ambassadors of the kingdom of God. So we're supposed to go into the world and say, all right, let's go. Like, let's connect. You're my friend. You're my friend. Like, let's, let's. Instead of what's dividing us, let's get rid of that and let's connect. Because we're all just finding our way through this thing, you know?

Don't we need that more than ever right now, more than ever? Like, so crazy.

Yes.

Yeah.

In a time when we are more connected than ever before, we are more isolated than ever before. Like, explain that to me.

Yep, that's exactly it. And angry. Everybody is so just angry. And you sit in that isolation and you get more angry and you fight and it's like, no, like, this is, is not what we're supposed to be doing. Guys. I feel that. I feel that so much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you feel the anger. And I think you know something? I've always, I always don't. To be true, when I'm coaching people, whenever we have the feeling of anger, what that exposes is a personal rule that we made was violated. So we have to think, if everyone's angry, then what are their rules that have been violated? People should treat me differently. I should have this. My life should look like this. We have so much disappointment that now we've just become angry. And it's this free floating anger. It's not even targeted anywhere. It's just kind of floating around, looking for a place to land.

And then you spiral, and then you.

Spiral, and then no one understands you.

Right, Right.

Then you find yourself working on your third cup of coffee. Oh, I'm sorry, what?

And you eat cheese at 2 in the morning.

All of a sudden you're like buried in a bag of flaming hot Cheetos, wondering, is this my life? God. Like, we've all been there. Leslie's been there. I've been there. We've all had those moments. And so if we understand that we're not here to try to bear the weight of the pain. We're here to see the pain in other people and all of a sudden shoulder it with them. Because the cure for that isolation, that loneliness which eventually leads to anger and despair, is taking your eyes off yourself and looking around at how you can serve other people in pain 100%.

It's bigger than you and just stopping to listen to one person, I think, and really listen to them, hear their story. And don't always think of what's in it for me. What's in it for me, I think is just and plus. And then guess what? It turns out to be really good for you too, because you're helping other people. And it's. It's all. I know it seems so simple when we talk about it, right?

But what if it is simple? Hold up, like, because didn't Jesus say, take my yoke upon you. It's easy. It is rest and refreshment and recreation for your souls. So he said, you can do things the hard way or you can do things the easy way. If God wants us to be a blessing to people and to be blessed ourselves, why would a loving God make it hard? So what if it is easy?

Then why do we make it so hard?

I think the reason we make it hard is because we become indoctrinated that our effort is what is going to cause our pain to go away. I really do believe that. And that. Where did that come from? I don't know.

That's really good. I love that. Like it's that, keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing. I have to keep going and it's going to go away when really no pause, stop. Yes.

Which brings us back. Like we always think we're going somewhere. Like as soon as I get here, I'm going to have fill in the blank. Happiness, abundance, freedom. But what if we have that now in the pause?

Yep, yep. Well, and I will say too, when Herbie, when we were pushing it so hard, you know, man, we want to get 800,000 followers, 900,000 and we hit a million and it's like, oh, now we have like 1.4. Didn't change a ding dang thing. I mean, truly, look at what happened to the website when we were only had 25,000 followers. That's when some of the biggest work happened, you know, And I think we try to tell our writers that all the time. And it's perspective and it's like, oh, Leslie. Well, it's easy for you to say that because you're there. I'm like, yeah, but the process of getting there was so hard and also so beautiful. I think we also have to go through all of that to understand. But there's not an end goal. It's the day to day stuff. That's. That's where we're at. And that's when the good parts of life really happen. I mean, the beginning and the ending. Those are always big, too. But I don't know, the. The little moments are the things that we always remember in life.

It really is. It's right there in the middle. And I know with seven kids, I could remember those times when I would get lost in the process. Like, okay, I'm. I'm moving from here to there. And God would always gently remind you. Remind me. And he would tell me, these are the good days. Like, pause in this. These are the good days. In the middle of the dishes that are. You're basically building, like, a Jenga, you know, the dishes so bad.

And the floor is sticky.

Oh, yeah, the floor. See, like, one of my. One of my best memories and is there were dishes all in the sink, piled up on the counter. And I put all the dishes on the counter because I didn't have time to wash them right. I just stuck them on the counter, filled up the sink, because my daughter had gotten so dirty. Like, my youngest daughter had gotten filthy while she was eating, something stuck her in the sink for the bubbles, and she was splashing the water out of the sink, and her older sister was dancing in it. And God just said, watch.

Yep, Yep.

And just that, like, I can see it like I saw it yesterday. And she is laughing, is pouring water all over the kitchen floor. Dirty dishes all over the place. Hurt. My other daughter is laughing so loudly, dancing and making her sister laugh. And I'm like, this is it.

And how do you. Because I. I feel like I know as well when those little moments are happening. And I remind myself, and maybe that's a God whisper, to stop and pause and take it in. But how do you think you knew that that was at that, you know, like, you knew this is the good stuff? Because I know there are times when we don't think that. When it's so hard. Like, just the other day, I was bawling in the shower, and I, like, slid down the shower, and I had a bagel in my.

Now, that's theatrical.

That.

That is theatrical. I'm sorry.

That's.

That's like. It was something from a movie. Leslie, that's beautiful.

So bad. It was so. But it was. It wasn't even. It was just me being sad that my kids. My. My oldest is 14, and I feel like time is going so fast. And just recently, I' felt like I can't catch my breath, you know, that they're getting so much older. But I also know right now is so good. Like, I. And I don't know, like, how do we know that.

But I think the enemy also tries to tell us we're always missing out on something.

Yeah.

Like, as a mom, one of his most subversive tactics is to say you're missing out on the childhood.

Yep.

And so even if, like, you can't win for losing as a mom, because if we pause to appreciate it, then we're letting all the work stack up. If we don't, then we're a bad mom because we're not pausing to appreciate. So where do we win here. We win by understanding nothing's missing. Like that thought that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

You're doing exactly what you need to be. Yep.

I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to do. And I remember those moments, you know, in the shower with the bagel sliding down, cameras rolling.

Right.

About that, I'm not sure what movie music would be playing, but I can sense something.

It's got to be like an epic, epic movie soundtrack type thing. Yes. Right?

Yes. Or something very emo. Right?

Yes.

I could just imagine that. But even in those moments, I remember praying, like, God, show me where the beauty is right now. And I always say.

I always ask him to. With those moments, I'm like, will you please just, like, take this from me? Like, please take this. This stress from me, from my shoulders. And I truly. Sometimes, not always, because, you know, sometimes God and I are like, what's going on? But sometimes I can really feel that tension release from my shoulders and be like, no, you are doing a great job. You are where you need to be. Go hug your babies. You're fine. And I think sometimes we just need that reminder, you know, obviously, the talking about, the connection and isolation, I didn't feel it as much when I had young kids. I feel it more now with. I have. My kids are 14, 12, and 5. And I have this huge writing community. Right. But I feel like this teen stage is a whole different thing. I love it. It's really hard. And you think, I'm crying with a bagel. So are my sweet girls that are crying too. There's lots of emotions, but it's. It's kind of. I. It's hard because it's a whole different stage that we just didn't really prepare for until now. And then I do get emotional with the thinking, oh, gosh, like. Like, they're gonna be out of the house soon. But then it's like, it's. It's a new stage. Mothering never ends. Parenting never ends. It's Just a new journey. But that's. That's hard, too, to, like, wrap my brain around sometimes.

It is hard. But when have we ever really been prepared?

Right. Yes. It didn't matter how many books you read, you're not prepared for this because it's different. No, no.

All the books in the world, all the YouTube videos, all the whatever, nothing prepares you for the journey. But the cool thing is that we don't have to carry the weight of preparation. I remember one time I was out on a walk, and that's when I would spend time, you know, talking with God. And I was going into a chapter where my five oldest children were going to be leaving the house in less than a year. All of them, they, like, marriage, grad school, college, all these things. And I was looking at. Oh, my gosh, I can literally look at the months. He goes here. She goes there. She goes here. And I remember praying. I'm like, God, I'm not ready for this. I can't do this. And I remember the Holy Spirit saying, you don't have to. I'm already there. You do today. And I think, you know, he prepares us for today. And what if that's all we have is just now?

Right.

Because he's. He's six months down the road. He's five years down the road. He created time.

He already knows. Right, Right.

So if we can just embrace that idea, like, I'm just going to show up today. That's all I really have.

Just be in the moment of today.

I love them. Yeah.

I know. Whenever I'm chatting with God, I'm often like, listen, I know you already know this, but. But can you help me with xyz?

Yeah.

Yes. I love that I'm going to remember that with my kids growing up, and.

I know, I know. But, like, going back to that thing of a mom who might feel isolated today, like, what would you tell her? Like, you're such a great connector, Leslie. It's just amazing how you're able to pull this community together. What would you tell that mom who's like, I want that community? Like, what could be the next steps that she does? Like, right now? She just listened to this. She just watched this. She's like, okay, I. I don't need to be isolated. I don't need to feel overwhelmed.

Yep. What? First I'd say, you're so loved. She is so loved. That is something I think that we always have to remember. Sometimes I feel negative with myself, too, and I have to think, no, because you're so Loved. And God made you perfect just how you are. And then I would say, what I tell everybody is, you gotta try to find at least one person. One person you have your relationship with God, your best buds with God, you know him, right? But you gotta find one person who can help pull you out of that hole. And it can be kind of scary to do that. But if you don't try, then you'll never know. I had to. We just moved into a new house, and we have new neighbors, and they were already good friends, and I had to just push myself into. Into that to try to be. And now we're all good friends, and it was terrifying. But if they would have said no to being my friend, what would happen? Well, I'd get my ego hurt a little bit, but then I'd have to try again for someone else. You know, I think we have to put ourselves out there to try to find at least one person who gets us, who can be honest with us in the hard parts. Because you don't want somebody to just tell you what you need to hear. That's not going to be any good either. And then who you can reciprocate back and you can help them. Just. Just try it. So it's so worth it.

It's so worth it. And be willing to feel a little vulnerable. I remember one time at church, I was complaining to my husband. I was like, all right, I literally have no friends. Like, I count on my hand, none of them live here. Like, I have no friends. And at church the next day, there's a woman that I really admire, and I literally, Leslie. So if anyone's, like, reserved about this, do what I did. I walked out to her and I said, hi, can I be your friend?

I love this.

I literally said I felt like I was a second grader on the playground.

That's how it is as adults.

I'll let you split my lunch. Like, I literally walked up and I said, can I be your friend? And she was like. I was like, I just. I think you're cool. Can I be your friend? So, like, that was the start. Like, we met for lunch. We have so much in common. But I, like, flushed in the face.

Oh, yeah.

Voice quivering. Right second.

You know what, though? Over most of the time, those people are also feeling the same way, and they just want someone. So a good friend of mine who's also the editor of Her View, we were just talking about this yesterday that she met a new friend who also said that to her. She was like, I don't I'm sorry if I seem like out there, but I don't have many friends. And now they're great, great friends, and they're meeting up for lunch again. You know, I think it's just. It's so easy in those young years to get caught up in the day to day. And for me, I was working all the time and I had these babies, and I think I couldn't focus so much on that. I'm like, it's fine. I will just get them to bed and then try to take a shower and do the next thing and grow the business. And now that I'm older and my kids are older, I'm like, oh, yeah, you got to go do scary things. Otherwise you. I am just going to be. And I love my husband dearly, but also, you got to reach out and. And make those connections. And connections online are a great start, which is why I really do feel like that's a mission that we have. But the real life, face to face. Eating with a friend over your kitchen table, eating casserole, you know, I mean, that's. That's good.

In the middle of the mess.

Yeah.

In the middle of everything. Don't think you have to have your house clean.

Heck no. Heck no. Because that's the best. People come over and you have everything everywhere. I found a rotten.

Please make sense of this kitchen. Like, yes. It's always more fun to clean someone else's kitchen. Right. Than your own.

Seriously.

Be open, Joy. Oh, my gosh.

Thank you. We're just chatting so much.

I know, I know. This is amazing. But I just love how you're showing up for moms and what you're doing to connect and how you're so willing to be yourself and to be real. And I really appreciate that. But I know that the people who are listening and watching right now are like, I'm in love with Leslie. So where can I get more of her? Where can they get more of you?

So you can go to her View from Home and find all of our writers. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram under Leslie means Awesome.

Leslie, thank you so much. It's such a great time here.

This was great.

It was great. And guys, listen, if you're feeling isolated right now, if you're feeling a little out of touch, be raw, be vulnerable, be open. Because when you do that, you are going to be blessed like crazy.