#349 - Barbie Childers | Why Is It Hard To Trust God?

Barbie, I'm so happy you're here with me today.

I am happy to be here with you today.

We just had the best discussions, and I was getting all fired up thinking about trust. I think we need to go into that place today talking about why it's so hard to trust God. Because I think that every time I've gone through any anxiety, any depression, any of that stuff, it's all because I'm scared to step out and trust.

Right, Right. Yeah, I agree.

So. So. And I know that's. That a lot of people. If, like, if I'm dealing with that, I know a lot of other people are dealing with that. How do we trust God? Because sometimes, just like, I think about Peter in the boat, you know, and there's Jesus just as plain as day right there. And he said, lord, if it's you, bid me come.

Right?

And based upon his word, he just steps out of the boat and starts walking. And I think so many times we're. We're clinging to a boat, right? Right. Something that is. We can see and touch and experience. We can look in our bank account and see it. We can. We can see that relationship, that person right there beside us. Or. Or we have, you know, our. Our diplomas or our job. We're seeing something that we can experience in the physical realm. And. And God's calling us into the spiritual realm, saying, do you trust me?

That's good.

And how do we get out of that boat? Like, I know you've had those times before.

More than once.

Yeah, I meant yesterday, maybe this morning. Yeah, yeah. You mean before eight?

Right before breakfast? You know, I guess just what comes to me is, what are you focused on? You know, who are you focused on? You know, God calls us to walk by faith and not by sight. You know, when you say trust, it's like, how. How do you trust somebody you don't know?

Right.

I trust you, but I'm getting to know you. You know, I see your loyalty. I see your dependability. You know, you trust your husband because look how long y' all have been married. We've been married a long time too. Even through the hurt and the pain and stuff you've had to work through in marriage, you still trust your partner. But how do you trust God if you don't know Him?

Yeah.

So I think that's the way one thing is knowing Him. It's knowing His Word, but it's trusting that he is who he says he is in your life, whether you feel it or not.

Oh, wait, that's that's big.

Yes.

Because we do go by feeling.

So we do.

We.

We hit on that last week. We. We walk by feelings. And. And we're not walking by faith sometimes. And this is not a feelings thing.

This is not a feelings thing. I had. I had the Holy Spirit one time, tell me. He said, are you waiting on a feeling? You know, sometimes it's like, I just. I want the. I want the spiritual tingles, you know, I want to have that presence of like, ooh, now I'm filled with the spirit and I. I'm moving forward and I'm making this decision, and I feel that presence and stuff. And God's really like, are. Do you. Are you really that immature that in your faith that you have to wait on a feeling? Or can you just do this with the knowledge of who I am by faith? Because faith is not a feeling. Faith is a knowledge and a corresponding action. Like James says, faith without works is dead.

Right.

So faith always shows up in the decisions we make and moving forward. And if you're not making the decision or moving forward, there's no faith.

Right, Right.

Yep. And there's no faith, I truly think. Because there's no trust. There's no trust because there's no knowledge.

Exactly.

And the knowledge has to be God loves me.

Right, Right.

I think about.

You have to know it. You have to solidify in your heart that God is love and that he loves you unconditionally. I had a spiritual mother years ago that would always say, he loves you in spite of, not because of. And I'll never forget that, because I think sometimes we have a hard time receiving God's love. You know, we talked about it at breakfast this morning. The orphan spirit.

Talk about the orphan spirit. Because I think that's something that some people know about, some people don't. And I remember one time I was sitting on my back porch and I was in prayer, and just out of the blue, God said, hannah, you have an orphan spirit. And I was like, what is that? Like, he told me that, and I didn't even know what it was. And I want you to share about what that is, because he showed me how that was created in my life. And I'll share that. But. But I want you to, like, talk about what that orphan spirit is. So some people are like, what are you talking about?

You know, I mean, I've done a little bit of study on it, but for. For me, because I was walking in an orphan spirit, too. And. And I do think sometimes that can be ancestral, as well, but I do believe God has to put his finger on it in each individual. You have to kind of own that. I do believe.

Yeah.

Yeah, I do. I kind of just solidify. Okay, Lord, what is in. What is it?

How is that showing up?

How is that showing up in me? And, you know, I. I think the biggest thing is you don't receive God's love. Yeah, there's a block there that you can't receive God's love. You know, I mean, I grew up with the earthly father that's still alive, thank God, that has loved me like, my whole. My whole life. So you would. You would think, well, why can't I receive love from God if I'm receiving from Him? But it's different. It's different. I. You know, knowledge is power, but know it in your head doesn't make it go to your heart. You have to know in your heart. And sometimes I truly believe that's just walking through life. It really is seeing God faithfully, not just show up because he's there with you every day. You know, whether you're going through something, whether you're on. On the mountain or in the valley, he's there with you. Yeah, but it's, you know, the Bible says perfect love cast out all fear. And, you know, fear has been, you know, we've. We've talked before. Kind of a kryptonite for me, until God is just, you know, he just faithfully breaks it off, you know, of me more than once, you know.

Yeah, it's not something that's done and done. No, no, we're like something that's, like, done right now.

Yeah, it's.

We're all in a process of transforming.

Process. Yep. But it's focusing on the love of God. You know, it's funny. The Holy Spirit just brought this to me. My oldest daughter, when she was little, used to look at me and say, I'm not pretty. Or, you know, I don't. You know, I'm this or I'm that. And I would just hear, like, condemnation, and I would just hear everything that she wasn't. And so I started making her declare I am beautiful because I am created in the image of God. Or, you know, I started, like, making her declare her identity and stuff. So it's so funny how the enemy comes at such a young age to rip. To rip that away from us. And then, you know, when you're walking through trials in life and you're like, God, how could you love me and let this happen to me? But, you know, what he's showing me even through, through the valleys that we walk through, he's still faithful.

It's so good.

He's still faithful.

I was talking with someone the other day and she said, I know I'm a daughter, but I feel like a daughter in law. And it just hit me how many of us walk through life on that very trepidous terrain of I really don't know that God loves me. And we're like pacifying that by, I love God and I'm a tither and I'm giving and I'm loving and I'm serving these people and look what I did for this and look how I'm. And all the time we're trying to prove that we love God when God's like, wait, that's not working. That's just you operating in religion and trying to declare yourself good enough when I have made you good enough through Jesus. Like, we are not righteous. We can't earn our righteousness. But or else we wouldn't need Jesus. And because God first loved us, that's not like he didn't love us because of our work in our effort. It says, God first loved us and he gave us his son. And so that has to be the first place we go to is knowing the love of God. And when he. When he told me that I have an orphan spirit and I didn't know what he was talking about, I said, God, you need to reveal that to me. I don't know what that is. I never heard that term. Like, God just told me that and I said, what is that? And he showed me that when I was younger, I was very attached to my oldest sister. She was like my caretaker. And she left home when I was nine and I felt abandoned because like my caretaker, my best friend, my confidant, she left. And it's so funny because she had gotten married and moved out. And I would write her a letter every week and I'd write her maiden name and, and scratch it out and put a frowny face next to it. I know, but I had. And he showed me that in that moment I had to be responsible for myself. And so I had to like, you know, like, pull my pants up and get my. And strap on my boots and take care of things because no one was going to take care of me. And so that had been a dominant spirit throughout everything. Like, I'm gonna build my business and I'm gonna build my ministry and I'm gonna take care of homeschool seven kids and I'm Gonna do this because no one's gonna come rescue me. I gotta do it myself. And it was all based in that moment where I learned that I felt abandoned. And instead of going to the knowledge of the love of God, I mean, I was nine.

Exactly, exactly.

But it's something that I carried through. So now you have a nine year old mentality, trying to run a business and a home and a family. Right. And the cure for this is just resting. Be still. Know that I'm God. But to know that love, to be filled to the fullness with that love, like he loves me. And if I know that, I know that, I know that he loves me, then I know I'm safe.

Exactly.

It's that intimacy. We need intimacy with Jesus. It's not enough to know about him. No, we have to know him.

Yep. So good.

We have to have that intimacy because there's no trust. We can't trust someone.

Right.

That we can't be vulnerable.

That we can't be vulnerable.

Right, right. And so if I know that God loves me and I'm safe, then I'm safe to move forward. And whatever decision I make, whatever choice, he's like, I got you. Yep. My love has you. You can't go anywhere where you can escape my love.

Exactly, exactly. It's a rest. It's a supernatural rest. You know, we talked about it last week. Where are we seated?

Yeah.

You know, Jesus did what he did and then he went up and sat. And we need to sit with him.

Because Jesus said, I am in my father, My Father's in me, and you are in me. Like, we are hidden in Christ. That's what it means to be hidden in Christ. It means we trust that love so much that we know that we're righteous.

Exactly.

Not because of what we do. Like, so many people are trying to, like, validate that they're good enough for God.

Oh, yeah.

It's like, no, baby, no. There ain't no version of you. That's true.

Right, right.

That's why we need to be hidden in Christ. So we carry. We wear that mantle. We carry that crown. We stand in his righteousness. We can be so bold as to wake up and say, I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.

You know, I used to say that scripture all the time.

Yeah.

And then it just. It started being quenched because it was almost like a religious spirit started kind of coming at me and attacking me. And it was like. And then I quit, like, declaring it.

And so now how did that feel? Like, what did that really look like when you're saying. Because I think some people are like, what do you mean, Barbie? Like a religious spirit, like, started to come upon, like, what did that feel like?

That's that spirit attacking you. Like, no, you're not righteous. We're just sinners saved by grace. And, you know, it's like saying all the right stuff, but nothing that has life in it. You know what I mean? And once you truly believe that he has that robe of righteousness on you, that you didn't earn it, you couldn't buy it, you couldn't earn it, you couldn't do anything. It was just receiving it. And, you know, you made a comment a while back about like, oh, well, I know God, I know God. People walking around, well, I know him, I know him. Proven everybody that they know him. But you know what rose up in me those days of me, like, knowing God, I want to be in love with God.

Yes, I want to love him.

I do want to know him, but I don't want to know him. I want to be in love with him. Because when you're in love with somebody, you're captivated. You're captivated. Yes.

It just dominates your thoughts. I would be. I remember when Blair and I, he was over in Saudi Arabia working with Desert Storm and I was overdoing graduate study and for my doctorate and which I quit school, God led me in a different direction. It's crazy. Like some of the things, right. But I remember all I could think about was him. I couldn't wait to get out of that lab so I could go home, so I could open up my little cigar box and just reread all the letters because he wrote me every single day. And the thing is, we have those letters.

Yep, yep.

Like, God has poured out his heart for us in his word. Like, to have that heart, that's like, God, I want to go home and I want to open up your word and I want to read those love letters. Because he tells us who we are in his words. He tells us where the head and not the tail and the top and not the bottom. And every page is just covered with that sacrificial love, you know? And that's just so beautiful to me, like, to be so in love with him. And I think people right now are like, I want that. I want that feeling. But I think that that feeling is two sided. Like, it wouldn't be enough for me to be in love with Blair and him, not be in love with me.

Right, right.

So God has already poured out his love for us, in that us being sinners, he sent his son for us. We couldn't earn that.

Right. Right.

And so he sent his son. And now the more we spend time with him, even if it's just sitting and saying, God, I don't really know you. Like, I want to know you. Can you just speak to me? Can I just. And even if it's like needing to feel something, God's not beyond that. He'll meet you right where you are.

Right where you are. He's so good, so good, so good.

But it's just like that love relationship, like you said. I want to be in love with him. I want him to dominate my thoughts. I want to wake up in the morning and say, oh, God, what are we going to do today?

Right.

That excitement. And that can be it. Because when we're. It's like when we're drowning in that love, we don't need to gasp for air that's coming from the world.

Right.

We just find out this is our natural state.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's supernatural, you know, it's supernatural.

It's supernatural.

And I want to live in the supernatural.

Right.

I do.

I don't want my life to just be characterized by what I can do in the natural.

Nope. No.

I'm done with that. Yep. I think more believers need to be done with the natural.

Oh, totally.

We've got to show up different.

Yeah.

This world is longing to see more miracles. Yeah. More fire, more spirit, something to shake it, shake things up a bit. And believers have access to that.

Exactly.

We have access to that power, to that authority.

Yep. Yep. You know, I believe we have a responsibility, you know, outside of. It's not performance, it's not striving, but we have a responsibility to the kingdom of God to search out holiness.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? And where I'm going with that is, you know, Saturday, I told you, my husband and I, we did a sozo session. I had a wall up.

Now, people may not know what a sozo section is.

So sozo is the Greek word for saved, healed, and delivered. It's a prayer ministry that was birthed at Bethel Bill Johnson's church. It's been going on for years and years. It's a prayer ministry that is basically all encapsulated around forgiveness. It's all forgiveness. And, you know, they have different tools that they use in their toolbox. But what it does is it brings you into a spiritual alignment with Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit.

Right.

And, you know, there's things that we walk through from childhood. You hit it on the head when you said you were nine years old.

Yeah.

And you were dealing with a lie that you didn't even know was a lie.

Right.

Because you're abandoned. Yeah.

You got to figure this out on your own.

So look, that door opened to abandonment at nine. They're so, um, you know, and if it wouldn't have opened, it might have been passed down through your aunt, you know, through your ancestral line. This is the problem.

People are. I see people going through life and they're like, well, I, you know, that was in the past, right? I. I'm fine. I don't want to. I ain't gonna go back there and stir up that pot again. Like, that person's out of my life or that relationship is over, or that was, you know, I don't even talk to my parents anymore. I'm fine. No, you aren't.

No.

Like, there you are, dragging things around with you. You don't even know exactly. These little dem just like got their talents in your back and you're just walking through life wondering, why do I sabotage myself? Why can't I have a good relationship without, like, blowing things? And so it's like, wait, there was something. And I think when we can be in that beautiful presence of the love of God and say, God, can you show me where I was wounded? Because, baby, nothing's wrong with you. Just something happened.

Just something happened.

Just something happened and that's okay. And God is enough to say, you know what? There was a wound here, but that's a lie. And I'm gonna just seal that up with that balm of Gilead and give you a truth. And like that lie that I believe, that it was all to me. I can't depend on anyone. People will leave me. I gotta do things by myself. All that stuff, that was a wound. And when the Holy Spirit revealed that to me, he's like, okay, now what truth are we going to replace this lie with? And that truth is, I will never leave you. I will never forsake you.

Amen.

And it was like, I'm good, I'm good, I'm safe.

Amen. Because you know and I know when God speaks directly to you, nobody will ever be able to take that away from you. And that's what's so powerful. You know, I had old hurt from, you know, late pre Jesus stuff with my husband that I shared with you this morning. If you'd have said, barbie, is that in you? I'd have been like, no, we dealt with all that, and we did. We dealt with the forgiveness and anything. Bitterness or what, you know, anger or whatever happened. But that part had never been. The hurt had never been dealt with. And God healed it all Saturday. And the coolest thing was, is I had been feeling like there was a block there between me and God. And I, you know, been praying into that holy Spirit, what is it? Is it a lie? I'm believing, you know, because God is. And you nailed it on the head. He's the God of great exchange.

Yeah.

Always, always, always.

He's like, give me all your filthy junk, because I'm gonna give you something beautiful. It's like, there's nothing fair about that. Favor is not fair.

Favor's not fair. Amen. And you know what? That's a prayer daily for me. Lord, we walk in that favor. That ain't fair.

Favorite. It's not.

But I had an invisible wall between me and God. And when I said, lord, what is this wall made of? It was clear. I mean, I could see through it. I heard the Holy Spirit say, it's translucent. And I was like, wow. If you would have said, barbie, do you have a wall up? I'd have been like, no.

But see, that's where the enemy. So people could be listening, watching right now, and you could be thinking, no, I'm good. I'm good. And I think that's also. Just as much as the enemy loves to tell you how bad you are, he also loves to tell you how good you are, that you don't need to seek out direction from the Holy Spirit. And when God tells us in his Word that he leads us from grace to grace, from favor to favor, from faith to faith. And the amplified verse, it says, from one gift heaped upon another. Ooh, I love that version. But when that's the life that God has for us, we're always being perfected.

Always.

We're never not growing. If we're not growing, we're dying. So the enemy could be giving you this life. Like, no, no, you're good, you're good. You're safe. You got everything's for you. You're fine. And that's where we need to just seek more. Not saying you're not good.

Right, right.

But let's always be willing to, like, be perfected. I remember there was a time in my life when it's like, oh, I got this. I got this Christianity thing down. I'm good. And God's like, okay, let's see how good you are. Okay. All Right, honey bun? Let's. Let's just. Let's just run with that, see what happens. And then I realized there's always another level of vulnerability with him, of growth with him, of falling deeper and deeper in love with him, right? And I love this journey.

It's.

I want all of it. I want to feel all of it. I want to experience all of it.

It's so cool. You know, I have a saying, you know, I had drug addiction in my past, and I'm always like, there is no high, like the most high.

Oh, that'll preach.

Know how? Like the most high, when you so good. It's just so good, so good.

It is so good, so good. And there's no hangover.

No, no, no.

It's the best trip, man. Yes. He's so good. And he just keeps on revealing more himself, I think. When I think we've only scratched the surface of his goodness.

Oh, I believe it.

You know, I believe it.

You know, he encamp. He encapsulates so much. You know, we. I'm sure you've done studies of, like, the name, the names of God, but, you know, when he shows you personally who he is in your life as Jehovah Jireh, or when he's healed you from things and he's Jehovah Rapha or whatever, you know, it's just. It's like, you know, my prayer daily and, you know, we. We pray on our prayer team at church, too. My prayer these days is God's saturate people and me with your love.

Yes, let them.

Because when that love comes, love is the curtain rod that everything else, everything.

You can't expect his promises to be manifest in your life if love is not in operation. That's why Jesus said this is the first and greatest commandment. Because if you can't get this down, forget about all the other stuff, baby. If you can't. And it's not just loving God and loving people, right? It all has to be based on knowledge of how much God loves you. It has to come from that.

It's got to be a revelation. It can be taught. I think it has to be caught, right? You have to really. And I do think you can, like, declare that. I mean, there's power in declaration, you know, and sometimes our feelings don't line up right away or, you know, we're like, okay, I'm saying it, but do I really believe it? You know, but the more you say it, I really do. The more you're in his word, the more you're declaring it over your life, it is going in. And really, it's going to remap your brain.

Yeah, it does. It does.

It remaps your brain.

It changes everything.

Changes everything.

But it's got to be that constant immersion. Like, today, I'm going to put all that stuff behind me because that's not me anymore. Stop looking in the past. You ain't going to find yourself in the past when Jesus saying, come on, let's get out of that. I've forgotten about it. It's all gone. That was another version of you that no longer exists. Now. Move into intimacy with me.

Exactly.

But I love to wrap things up and bring it home with something practical. How can someone practically. What can we do or think or believe today to help us understand how to trust him more?

Hmm? I mean, it would just be a prayer for me, God, help me. Help me love you more.

Why don't you wrap us up in a prayer for people who are like, I want to be able to trust God, right?

And it's helped me love you more, but help me receive more of your love, because he's right there. I mean, look what he did with the prodigal. You know what I mean? He went running. He went running. God never.

He never said what you. What were you doing? Who were you with? What did you do with my money?

No condition.

You're good.

He met him right where he was, right where he was.

Ran to him right where he was.

So, you know, I mean, I can put this in a prayer, but I think the biggest thing is just lay yourself at the throne, you know, lay yourself at the throne, but picture yourself in his lap.

Oh, yes.

You know what I mean?

Seated.

Seated with him. Because there's nothing you've done, there's nothing you're gonna do, and there's nothing that you ever will do that will separate you from his love.

I mean, raising seven kids, just when they climb up in your lap, right? Everything is okay. And that's where he wants you. Is seated in his love.

In his love.

Like, let me love on you a little bit because you've been carrying this too long. There's someone listening or watching. They've just been carrying something way too long. And God's like, just lay it down. Lay it down. And come on, come on, sit down, sweetheart.

Sit on Papa's lap, whatever you want to call him.

And let me just.

Let me just love you.

Yes. You're so lovable, so good.

And it shuts down the enemy.

It does.

It shuts. It Down. Because the enemy can't stand up to love. No, he can't mimic love. He can't mimic peace. It's not in him. He cannot mimic it.

And perfect love casts out fear.

All fear, all fear.

And that's all the enemy has. That's his only weapon, is fear. Yeah. So when we sit in that perfect love, just nestled and rooted in that love, Satan's like, all right, well, maybe another day.

Yeah. Yeah, drink. I heard a saying the other day, and I have said it every day. Drink from the living. Well, that's in you.

Oh, yes.

Because when that love comes in, it's gonna flush out them lies. You know, we have our part, too. We have to lay stuff down. You know what I mean? Sometimes we have to lay relationships down. Sometimes we have to turn inward. God, what is in my heart?

Like, just open. Just an open book. God, show me. It's like, search me, oh, God, and know my heart. See if there's any wicked way in me and lead me in that way, everlasting. Like, just because he. He's like that surgeon you can trust that loves you. It's like a parent operating on their child. You know, every move is going to be thought out with love and at the highest level. So we're safe when he examines our heart because he's like, there's this thing in here.

Yep.

Let's just. We can just get rid of it today and just let my truth pour.

In you and just forgive yourself. Forgive yourself. You know, I walked out in a fence about two months ago that it was. It was hard. I was real quick to get over the offense part of it, but I still had the hurt. But God was so faithful, and he. I mean, he spoke to me sitting on the couch, the Holy Spirit, and he said, barbie, I want to use you in miracles, signs and wonders, but I won't be able to use you if you don't deal with this.

Yeah.

And it was like, lord, there is nothing that could come at me or against me that makes me want to trade what you have for me. So, all right, Lord, circumcise this heart. You know what I mean? Just, you know, my prayer has been, God, help me see the wounds in people so I can speak to that with your love. Help me see people the way you see people. Because you're such a testimony to me for walking in the love of God. You know, you said it last week where you just. Every morning you get up, I'm going to love the way, you know, and.

Move from that place there Ain't nothing. Ain't nothing that could tempt me to move from that place of love, because that's where everything is.

Everything is all things. You know what? I just had a picture of, like, God, so cool. Of like Niagara Falls, and we're standing underneath the waterfall of his glory, of his glory, of his provision, favor, blessings, Everything, everything. We just have to stay there.

Just stay there.

And it's strength, it's his grace.

Yeah. That.

That keeps us there, you know?

And everything we desire, everything we want, everything he's given us a desire for is in his presence.

Exactly.

It's the most valuable place to be. You get your biggest return on investment, like, is right there basking in the love of God. Yeah. Let's pray over people, if you'd pray over.

Sure.

Yeah.

Father. God, I just want to thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness. You are an awesome God, Lord. You are El Shaddai. You are the God that is more than enough. And, Lord, we exalt you today, Father. We exalt everything that you're doing in us and through us. And, Lord, we lift up everybody that's watching this podcast or listening to it. God, I thank you that you are love. And, Lord, our prayer today is that people will feel the saturation of your love, God, from the top of their head to the tips of their toes. Lord, I ask that you come and flush out every lie that they're believing about themselves. Lord, I ask you to come and shut the mouth of the enemy, that whispering lion spirit in their ear, God, telling them who they aren't or who they are, Father, according to the flesh or just according to just the lies of the enemy, Lord, we speak truth to spirits today, God, we pray that souls, their mind, their wills and their emotions will come, Father, under the love of God. And you will heal, God. You will set free, God. You will deliver them. And, Lord, I thank you, God, that today is the day. A new day, a new beginning for everybody that's just willing to say, lord, I want to love you more and I want to receive more of your love, God, that is our heart's cry. It's our heart's cry for our country, God. Birth an awakening, Father. And a revival in us, Lord, everywhere, God, that we step our feet, Lord, we declare it's holy ground. Lord, I pray over homes. I pray over marriage. I pray over our youth, God. Fix people. You can't fix something that's not broken. And brokenness sometimes is a healthy place to start. So, God, where we're broken, Father, I thank you that you're faithful to meet us where we are. I thank you, Lord, that you're putting robes of righteousness on your kids today. And God, we stand in awe of who you are. We put a crown on and we declare right now in Jesus name, we are a daughter of the most high God. We are a son of the most high God, Lord, birth intimacy in your people, Father, this day. This day, Lord. And we trust you. We trust you, God. Peel us, pour into us. Prepare us, God, for what you're birthing inside of us. We thank you for impartation. We thank you for activation, Lord. And we say, have your will and have your way in Jesus precious name. Amen.

Amen. Thank you so much. Welcome. It is. He is here and he's on the move.

And he's.