363 | Madison Prewett Troutt | The Love Everybody Wants

All right, guys. Sometimes it feels like nothing can satisfy you. And this is true with relationships, too. It can be as a mom. Like, I'm a mom, and I have seven kids. It could be with your child. It could be with your spouse. It could be with someone in your family, a friend. And you always think, if this relationship were okay, I would feel so much better. Well, that's kind of backwards because our relationship with God always comes first. And actually, that's the secret to having an amazing relationship. So I'm super excited because the guest today is going to blow you away. Not just with her story, which I love her story, but also the new book she has out. So we're going to have Madison Pruitt Trout on the show today. So sit back and get ready for an amazing, crazy, blessed time. Madison, I'm so happy to be with you today. You are always such a shining star. I just love talking with you.

I know. I'm so excited to be back. I can't believe we're all. Book two. I'm married now. Quite the change.

What in the world? This is such an amazing story, and I think sometimes people will look at your life and look at, like, a successful relationship and say, man, if I just had that, it would meet all my needs. It would fill all my needs. But I want to talk about. You have a new book out called the Love Everybody Wants. And I've seen so many times when people have come to me, you know, as a coach. I coach people, you know, in their marriage, and it's like, if this were. If this were right, everything else in my life would be right. But they don't understand that we have a void inside that can only be filled by the love of God. So share a little bit about, first of all, what made you want to write another book? Yes.

So much truth in there. That was so good. And something I continuously talk about throughout this book and what did ultimately inspire it. But I actually, what's crazy is I started writing this book single, and I remember being in a season with a lot of those same Russells that you were just speaking to, you know, feeling not complete, feeling like I couldn't, you know, fully walk out my purpose until I found my person, feeling, you know, all the longings and watching other people get what I so badly wanted, feeling, you know, always the bridesmaid, never the bride. And I just remember wrestling with the Lord and being like, it feels so unfair. And I just was really struggling one day and just kind of venting to him, writing all my thoughts down all my feelings down. And I just. Man, I felt like he's so late on my heart just. Maddie, what you're. What you're longing for and looking for is right. It's not wrong. You're just taking it to the wrong places. You're trying to find this divinity, this. This radical, unconditional agape love in a human relationship. And you're trying to find this satisfaction, this in another person. But I'm the only one that can give that to you. And it feels so simple. But that just totally changed my life when I finally, you know, realized like that he's. He's right. Like God's right. That's so true. Like, he's the only one that's going to be able to fully satisfy me. And so I started writing this book, really walking through all different types of emotions and feelings. I was single in a waiting season, you know, finally getting into a place of contentment with the Lord, loving my singleness, loving doing life with my single girlfriends and just growing in my faith and encouraging people and then into meeting my now husband and started dating and. And then got engaged and then got married. And I actually finished this manuscript about two months after we got married. And so I really walked through like every stage of, you know, the spectrum from waiting and heartbreak, breaking seasons, to, you know, struggling with contentment and singleness, to finally getting content and singleness, to then meeting my. My now husb, then all the way to being married. So it was by God's grace that I was really able to speak to. To each of those, you know, longings and hopes and dreams. But I'm really passionate about this message because like I said, I had that moment with the Lord. And that ver. The verse Matthew 22, it's actually multiple verses 36 through 40 was laid on my heart. And it's the two greatest commandments. And it's the inspiration behind this book. And it just says, you know, in the word, it's. It says, love the Lord your God with your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. And that. That is the first commandment. And the second is like it to love your neighbor as yourself. And I just realized, like, we have been so over complicating love and God. God made it very simple. Like he's like, hey, this is. These are the two greatest commandments. And if you look closely, there's actually three loves he speaks to and points to, which is what my book is written on. And when you get those loves in order, we're able to have the kind of relationships that we all long for and strive for. And that it first starts with that foundation, love with God. When we can learn to see our relationships with God, ourselves and then others in whole holy and healthy ways, then our hearts will stop looking for love and all of those wrong places we were made for love. But it takes a lot of work and just prayer to get those loves in order. But it is possible to know the love of God, to let that be the foundation and then to love yourself, maybe even like yourself, learn to like yourself and then begin from there to learn to navigate, you know, the matrixes of relationships with, with other people. So that's really the heartbeat of this book. Those three loves and getting those three loves in order.

That is so beautiful. And one thing that I see come up a lot of times, and I think probably people who are listening or watching is we always put. We don't realize it. We sometimes put an unconscious should on our partner, or it could be our children, or it could be like someone in our family or a friend or whatever. So we put this unconscious recipe. It's like if this person would check off all these boxes, it would be so much better. Our relationship would be better. My stress level would be gone. I would be totally fulfilled. And the thing is, we are putting like that, that missing element inside of us. We are looking to the flesh to fill it. We are looking to a human relationship to fill it.

Yeah.

And nothing can fill that missing gap in your life except the love of God. This is why the happiest people in their marriage are the ones who are happiest in their relationship with God. Because God fills it like I don't have. And it's really, if you think about it, it's not fair to hold a stipulation over someone else that you must be this way. Yeah, you fit in with my idea and my expectation of what marriage looks like or what friendship looks like, or what parent, child or any, any kind of relationship, you must meet this demand. And really that's so unfair to place on a person because you've made them the instrument of your fulfillment instead of God.

Totally. Which I mean goes back to First Corinthians 13 of what love really is. You know, love is, is not self seeking, it's not selfish. And I think when we see it through that lens, like what you were just speaking to our natural flesh state, you know, is to. It's to want our needs to be met is to want our expectations to be met and for it to be good for us and easy for us and great for us. And that's how we view it a lot of the times. But when we follow love God's way, which is the best.

Yeah.

When we do that, we realize love is not this feeling. Love is not selfish. Love is actually has nothing to do with us, but it has everything to do with how, how we honor God and how we honor other people and serve other people. All throughout scripture, I mean you just see like love, love is a verb, it's not a noun. Like love is all about a choice and an action and dying to self. Even in First John 3:16, which I think is so cool. It's such a Parallel of John 3:16, which is the verse that so many of us know talking about God's love for us. I feel like it's not a coincidence that 1st John 3:16 almost shows because of the love we've received from God. This is how we ought to love and it shows us, hey, we, we love by laying our lives down for other people and so like to serve others, to die to ourselves to, to lay our lives down. That's what true love is. Which is just so anti what the world teaches us and even what our natural state is.

Yeah. I mean the way the world teaches is this is how to get a fulfilling relationship. This is how to make sure your needs are met. This, how to put yourself first and make sure this this the right person for you. It's so self centered and love, just like you said, love is not self seeking.

Yeah.

And so when we talk about laying down our life for another, I think sometimes we think, oh, this must be painful. Yeah, this is going to be painful. It's going to be excruciating. I had to put myself last and all the, you know, denial and how I need to live in subjugation and all this kind of stuff, which is a lie because there's actually so much freedom and terminating that desire to fill yourself when you're like, wait, I'm actually fine because in my relationship with God he's my source. Not you, not you, not you, not you. God's my source. And now when we get out of our head and get into the mind of Christ, now the freedom comes and it's actually so freeing to say, you can show up however you want to. You're good.

Totally.

You are not my source of joy. You're not my source of sustenance. You're not my source of happiness or fulfillment. God is, is there's freedom there. The world tends to think If I. Either I'm first or I'm last, you know, if I'm not, if I'm not looking out for myself, no one looks out for me. And now I'm going to be in pain and suffering, which is so not true. That's the life absent of God.

Yeah, no, that's so good. And, and man, Scripture speaks to this too, of like, those who lose their lives will find it. And I think when we think about, like you said, dying to ourself or losing our life, we see it as this God is trying to take from me. He doesn't want me to experience freedom. He doesn't want me to experience joy, doesn't want me to have all my wants and desires. And he's. And it's actually so opposite of that. It's. When we, when we die to ourself, when we let God be the Lord of our life and lead our life and guide our life, when we live fully from him for him, that's where we find true fulfillment. That's where we find true freedom. That's where we find true joy and peace. And all of the things that we deep down crave, we just continue to try and take that to all of the wrong to people, places or things and try to find it in those areas. And it'll never satisfy. It says in God's word, he is the way, the truth and the life. Like, only in him will we find the truth that we're longing for, the life that we're wanting. And so it's just, it's so clear in scripture. And I've seen it in my own personal life time and time again, the moments that I've tried to, that I've allowed other idols or things or people, you know, take the place of where God should be. Where I, I mean, I just shared earlier, you know, where I wanted a relationship so badly that, that became, you know, the most important thing to me. My, my prayer life was centered around it. My even following God. It was like, God, I've been obedient, I've been faithful. So, like, now I deserve this. And I'm like, wait, God knows you anything, right? I'm like that twisted theology, like God, My, my relationship with God. Christianity is not revolt. We're not the centerpiece, we're not the famous one in this. You know, it's like, right? It's. It's all about God. Everything that we do, it says in God's word. Whether you eat or whether you drink, do it all for the glory of God. No matter what you're doing, do it all for the glory of God. He is the sinner. He, it's all about Him. And so when we lose sight of that or even our relationship with God can become super selfish, even our relationship with God can be based on God. I've done this, so you need to do this for me. But I was just a reciprocal thing.

Now, now we've taken this relationship with, with the ancient of days, our God, the Source, creator of the universe, and made it transactional. Like we can give him anything, right?

He's like, you think I need you. I don't need anything from you, but.

I love babe, I don't need anything from you.

Exactly. But he wants us, which is what's so beautiful. He doesn't need us, but he wants us. He wants our hearts, he want obedience, he wants us to be all in with him, which is what's so beautiful and what makes up the most beautiful relationships. You know, even in marriage, like I don't need my spouse for full satisfaction and completion because I have that in Jesus, but I want him. And so it's the same even in our relationship with Christ. It's like man, he doesn't need us, but he wants us and he desires us. But what's different on our end is we need him. We need him and we want Him. But it's so true. And I think we can fall into such a performance based mindset and transactional mindset when it comes to our relationship with God. And I was reading in Psalm 143 the other day and it was so cool to see like David is having this conversation with, with God and he's, and he's reminding God of his Word and of his promises. And he's, he's asking, and he's asking for these prayers and asking for these things in faith, but he's saying, hey, answer my prayer according to your righteousness and your faithfulness. And I think that's such the right posture that we need to have when we're going before God and saying, here's my heart, here's my desires, but may it be your will that's done. And if you answer my prayers, may it be according to your righteousness. Because I am nothing apart from you. Like I, I have nothing to give, I don't deserve any of this. But I am asking you to answer my prayer because of your word, because of your faithfulness. And I think that's the right heart posture to have. Because it's not wrong to seek a marriage and want to be married and, and to want to have a strong and healthy, you know, relationship. That's not wrong. It's just making sure that our heart, posture and heart before the Lord is, is pure and that God continues to stay, you know, on the throne of our hearts.

Right. And know that it is his. Like, I love that concept of knowing he doesn't need me. He wants me and he's the source of my blessing. He wants to bless me. Like, first we have to believe that God is real, that God is good, and that he desires to bless me.

Yeah.

And if we have that in place, then we don't have to worry about being the source of our own blessing or holding that upon other people to be the source of our blessing. Now God becomes the source of the blessing. I remember one time seeing a video and it went viral and it was this very well known coach and she's like, a lot of people think marriage is 50. 50. However, sometimes you're not at 50. Sometimes you're 40 or 30. And you need to communicate that with your spouse that I'm 30 so they can be 70. I'm like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And everyone's like, yeah, that's great. I'm like, no, because you have already decided with that equation that this person has to be the completion of you.

Yeah.

You are with God a hundred percent. And now think about, would you rather have someone come into a relationship as half of them or as 100% of them? I want my to be full and right. He's got everything met through God. And think about how he shows up, how I show up to that relationship knowing I don't need you, babe, I want you.

Yeah.

And it's so much more fulfilling that way. So if you're finding like, if you're listening, watching right now and you're like, wow, I have really held this kind of demand over my partner or over my child. Moms will do this for their children. This child needs to be a certain way for me to be, to feel esteemed as a mom, which, no, they are a free moral agent and they get to choose this. And so when we're operating 100%, every relationship in our life can now reflect that.

That's so good. And I, I talk about this a lot in my book. I actually have a whole chapter revolved around this idea of, of like a partner in life is not meant to complete you. And I really speak to. So even the single listening or those who are in a dating season, and it's really this idea of the healthiest and strongest relationships are the way that they are before they ever even begin. Because it starts with, like you were alluding to. It starts with two individuals who are wholeheartedly seeking Jesus and serving his people who are completely fulfilled and filled with the love of Christ. And so together, they're stronger, they're better, but they're not completing one another. And so I speak to this whole idea of, you know, a partner in life is meant to compliment you and not complete you. Complimenting speaks to addition, whereas completing speaks to lack. And so completing says, hey, there's something missing with me, and I need you to fill it. But complimenting says, hey, I'm whole with Jesus, and you just add to my life. And I so seen this in my own marriage and really got to this heart, posture, and perspective right before I met Grant and was able to carry that, you know, into marriage and into our dating. And I remember right when we got engaged, we actually got asked to come and speak. Speak at this. You know, it was just a little church, small group, and it was so much fun. And. And they asked him the question, like, how did you know? Like, what was special about Maddie and what was different about her? And. And just. He said a few things that were really kind. But one thing that really stuck out to me that I thought was so powerful and I feel the same way about him, was he was like, she didn't need me. Like, she didn't need me. She knew who she was. She knew who she was in Christ. She was confident in who she was, but she just wanted me. She wanted to be around me.

She.

She loved me for who I was, but she wasn't trying to. She didn't need me. And I think that is so, so important for just us all to remember, because that doesn't necessarily go away in marriage either. That's something that I even have to continue to remind myself, even in marriage of, hey, we are meant to add value to each other. We are meant to compliment each other. He has things that I don't have, and I have things that he don't have. And together we're stronger. But he is not meant to complete me. Christ alone can do that. And so, man, just continuing to challenge people that our purse, our purpose is not a person, our identity is not a relationship. And when we make someone or everything, we lose everything else. We lose everything else. It is only through knowing Jesus's love that we are made fully complete.

That is so beautiful. All right, so I need to find out what are you most Excited about with married life. Life.

Oh my goodness. I would say that this sounds like a weird response to like what I'm most excited about, but I would say I'm the kind of person that truly like every day I want to be better than the day before. And I have seen that in marriage. Marriage and well, just relationships in general, they reveal, you know, they reveal. It reveals your junk. Marriage has revealed areas that I need to grow in areas that I need to work on, man. Just things that I, I didn't even know I had inside of me that I need to, to pray through and confess with my girlfriends. So it has been such a. Refining and humbling and just growing. Like in my faith and in my walk with Jesus, I just feel holier. I, I feel the, the healthiest I've ever been in my faith and in my walk with Christ and in my purpose. And a lot of that truly is just marriage just refines and it reveals. But also my husband has done such a great job of, of just leading us well, like leading us well in prayer. Like even every single night before bed, he prays over us. And every single morning he wakes up at 6am and I see him for an hour, just like on his knees and in his word. And he has just been so faithful to just continually point me back to, to Jesus. Like he's like, I don't have all the answers, but let me point you back to Jesus. And so that has been, been. That's kind of like the, I guess the growth side of things. I would say on the other side of things, man, it's just been so fun having, just doing life with your best friend. Getting to experience all of the little, the little joys, the little things that happen every day. You know, you get good news and like he's my, he's my first call. Or I'm like, can you come over the house for 10 minutes, I gotta show you something or tell you something. And it's just, we just have so much fun. We continue just pursuing each other and dating each other. That was like one of the biggest things my parents, parents told him before they gave the blessing. They were like, hey, one of our biggest pieces of advice is like, never stop dating each other and continue to pursue each other. That is just so, so important because life gets busy and things happen and seasons change, but just continue to remember, like, continue dating each other and have fun and be each other's best friend. So we have definitely implemented that and he is truly my very best friend. So it has been so so much fun, so beautiful.

I love that so much. Before we wrap up, I also want to call attention to. You started writing your book when you had not even met Grant. So. And then you finished that up two months after.

Yeah.

So I thought that was so powerful to remind people who are watching or people who are listening today that she was writing like you were writing that book. Book about a future event, about your process toward a future goal. So I want to challenge everyone who's listening or watching right now. What if you could write your book right now about where you're going, the vision that God has given you? Because the reason we struggle is we have no vision.

Yeah.

When. When we suffer because we have no vision. So get that vision for where God wants to lead you. He put desire in you for a reason. So what if we started right now writing that book. Book journaling with positivity, knowing that he is leading us to the desire of our heart. Because I love that story. I didn't even know that, Maddie. I thought you wrote that afterwards. So that is such a beautiful insight to know how we reach the manifestation. Because faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the evidence. Evidence of things not seen. So that process of writing that in faith, knowing he's leading me to the finished work. So that is beautiful.

That is. That's so true of, like, your waiting season or whatever waiting is, whether it's. Your. Whatever your dream is, whatever you're waiting for, who you're becoming in this waiting season is way more important than what you're waiting for or waiting on. And I think there's something to be learned. Like I talk about in my book, how waiting. Well, like you said, is still having hope for what's to come and focusing on the promises God has made and the desires and dreams he's put in your heart, while also being faithful with where you are and knowing that you're exactly where you're meant to be. Like that God is not withholding good from you. You're. You're right where you're supposed to be. And there's something to be learned. Like I talked about. And one of the biggest things that God really revealed to me in my longings, you know, while I was in that season of singleness was. One of my mentors told me, you know, Maddie, like, don't take singleness for granted. Singleness is a gift. And I just remember hearing that. And I was like, well, then it's a gift I want to exchange. I don't want this gift. Gift. I want the gift of marriage. Thank you. Singleness just did not feel like a gift. It felt like the leftovers in the back of the fridge that no one wanted. I was like, I just, I don't want this. But, man, I just gained. I gained so much perspective as I just continued to pray like, lord, let your love satisfy me fully and help me to be content in the season that you have me and show me what I need to learn here. Because I know that what I'm learning here is going to be useful and where I'm going. And like you said, said, having vision, have your goals, have your dreams, write them down, pray over them, but also ask God to give you contentment in a season that you're in so that you can be faithful. Because I think a lot of times we can neglect where we currently are because of where we long to be. And so it really is such a. Such a beautiful balance of, of because I'm such a dreamer. And so it's such a beautiful balance of dreaming big and holding on to the hopes and promises that God gives you and the desires that are in your heart, while also asking God to just give you contentment in the season. Because I look back and what I learned in my season of singleness, oh my goodness. I mean, just so, so important, I learned. I mean, I learned true holiness. Singleness allowed me to become truly complete in Christ and, and to. And to pursue holiness and just have that undivided devotion to Jesus to make him the greatest priority. It allowed me to heal in areas that. That man, I needed to heal from just past wounds. And man, if we don't learn to heal in our singleness, we're building a wall between us and our future spouse in the future. And it is so important to take time as a single. To heal and not that. That's. That does not stop when you get married. I am still continually healing in ways and in areas that things later get revealed. But man, singleness is just such a cool time to have that space to fully heal in areas and to confront things, to really become confident in who you are and to know, you know, the purposes and the dreams and the passions God's put on your heart to develop healthy habits. I mean, there's just such a rich gift in the season that God has us in, and I just don't want us to ever neglect those because it's just not where we expected to be. And I think that's what happens a lot of times. You know, we have this expectation for our lives and this timeline for our lives. And when it doesn't meet that, we get disappointed, we get discouraged. And it can be easy to really just feel like we're falling behind, and then comparison, you know, picks up and. And then we're just so. Just discontent and. But there's just something to be learned in the season, and there's so something God wants to do in us and through us in the season that is preparing us all the while for what's to come. And so that's such a good reminder to man to write down those dreams, to pray over those dreams, and to start writing your book, whatever that is, and to like, in a way, it was therapy for me. Like, I was reminding myself of God's truth even when I didn't feel it. You know, I was in that season of singleness, and I didn't feel, you know, the contentment and the satisfaction that I wanted to feel, but I just had to continue to remind myself of God's truth during that season.

So powerful. Maddie, thank you so much. You've really blessed the Hannah Keeley show today and just brought your sunshine. And I love how God is working in you and through you and just being able to share that with other people. Like, no matter where we are, we're all on this journey of life. Different. Different ages, different phases. But God's always. If you're breathing, if you have a heart that's beating right now, God wants to do something amazing in your life. So thank you so much for hanging out with us. Us.

Thank you so much for having me. I had a blast.

Oh, thanks so much, Maddie.