5 ways to STOP YELLING at your kids

Okay, so does yelling at your kids make you a bad mom? No. It actually makes you a fighter. But here's the trick. You're just not fighting the right way. I'm going to tell you five ways to fight the right way and to stop yelling at your kids. You're going to get a ton out of this. Here's the big how are these average, everyday moms getting radical results in their lives? How are they able to transform their health, money, families, homes, and have fun doing it? The trick. We're not average. I'm Hannah Keeley, and I'm going to spill our secrets and answer your questions right now in that mom show. Okay? So I am hiding in my closet right now. Like I have to do sometimes. I'm a mom. You're probably a mom, too. You know what it's like? It's like hiding in the bathroom. Hiding my closet. So, yes, I'm hiding in my closet right now because I want to share this with you. I remember when I struggled really hard. I had a few kids and. And I yelled and I thought that would actually. I don't know what. I don't know what I thought, but I was mad. I got frustrated with them and I yelled. And of course, if you've ever yelled at your kids, what happens next? You feel horribly guilty? You feel like a bad mom? Well, I want to share with you five things that have tremendously helped me. Like, you can ask any of my kids. I have seven kids, and you can ask any of them. Yes, I even. I even took my coffee in the closet with me that I, you know, you're going to camp out for a while in the closet. I had a bag of jalapeno chips, but I left it out there because I'm like, you don't want to hear me crunching on chips and sipping my coffee, but I had to bring my coffee. So, yeah, that's what we're doing here. We're camping out in my closet together. But you can ask any of my kids if I ever yell at them. And I don't. I don't yell. After I started practicing these five things that I'm going to share with you today. It really. It's not like I had to wean off of the yelling or I had to catch myself or anything like that. It really just. It was like a paradigm shift. All of a sudden, I saw myself in a different way, and therefore I didn't yell anymore. So I want to share this with you today. And number one, you may laugh at me but my methods are not your typical methods. I was a behavior therapist. I work with moms. I'm America's number one mom coach. The reason my methods work because they're not typical methods that people use. But I work with moms. So I work with the way the mom brain is wired, which is dramatically different from other people usually. And number one tip. Oh, my gosh. My dog just came in here and brought me a toy. Thank you. Thank you, Fitz. I appreciate that. I don't know what this is. It's a stuffed bird or something. Go get it. Alright, good. Okay. So the first thing is step into the spotlight. This is the first tip and I'm going to show you how to do this. Step into the spotlight means this. Don't. You can call me crazy after you use it and see if it works or not. You will think I'm crazy. But it does work. I want you to imagine. And here's how I came up with this method. First of all, the step into the spotlight method is I started. It's really more like a tactic. I have a reality show called Hannah Help Me, where I show up and at mom's houses and I help them for two days completely make over their lives. It was on public broadcasting for a couple years. And here's the deal. They would always show up all dressed, head to toe, makeup on, house clean. I'm like, girl, you ain't fooling nobody. I know you don't look like this every day. I know you going around in the yoga pants and a baggy T shirt with a hair pull back and it's dirty and you don't have any makeup on. Like, that's why you reached out to me. So don't even think I believe this. But here's the deal. Sometimes you have to get into that perspective, that mentality, like somebody's watching you. Like, cameras are rolling. Inside Mom. Mastery University, we have this method and also we do this inside mom boot camp where we pretend like we're part of a reality show. And a lot of you probably already know because you've been through mom bootcamp with me called Lifestyles of Rock Star Moms. And what we do is we pretend that there's a camera on us. We probably have two cameras on us. There's a sound guy, there's the lighting crew director standing off, but they're filming. You know, here's this awesome mom. Let's see how she runs her life. So I want you to get that perspective. And it's a mindset shift on Being kind of, like, inefficieble, where people are watching you. And this is important because you have to understand that people are always watching you. You just don't realize that there are people right now who are looking up to you. They're watching you to see, how does she manage life? So I'm going to know how to manage life. How does she parent so I can learn how to parent? What's her relationship with her husband? What's her relationship with her kids? What's her relationship with God, so I can know how to handle life. People are looking up to you whether you realize it or not. So it's good to really kind of make this a very intentional thing and pretend like you're starring in a reality show that called step into the spotlight. So when you get frustrated, when you feel like things are just kind of getting out of control, which is like, on a daily basis for moms, is step into the spotlight and pretend like cameras are rolling. How is she going to handle this? Her kitchen's messy. Her kids are whiny. How is she going to handle this? Let's watch and see. So that step into the spotlight will immediately, just that little shift will stop you from yelling and screaming at your kids. So it really helps just to put yourself in a pretend situation. And honestly, your brain can't tell what is imagination and what is real. So if you get real about this, you're going to put forth your best face. Okay? And speaking of face, this leads us to number two tactic to stop yelling at your kids. So number one was step into the spotlight. Number two is called frozen face. Okay? Frozen face. So what you do with this tactic to stop yelling at your kids is your children will, as they grow up, they will have a picture of you in their head always. Like, you can probably think of the picture that you have of your mom or your dad or your grandma or your aunt. There's a moment that you picture them. What does it look like? So here's the deal with the frozen face tactic. Your children, their picture of you, will be this image of you with the furrowed brow and the snarl and the yelling. Like, is that the frozen face that you want them to carry into adulthood? Think about it. Or do you want them to carry in that gentle face, that loving face, the kind voice? Because the more you yell, the more that image of you is cemented in their subconscious so that when they recall you, they recall the yelling, they recall the scowl, they recall that frozen face. So what kind of face is freezing in the subconscious of Your children just that alone will stop you from yelling. Because when you're yelling, you're like, oh, my gosh, what do I look like from their perspective? What do I look like? This screaming shrew that's losing control of life? What image is being cemented in their brain right now of me? And that frozen face will be enough to say, okay, soften it, soften it, soften it. Get in control. Smile. Speak softly. Hey, Mama. We'll get right back to the podcast, but did you know there is an entire online university just for moms? If you're ready to get radical results in your life, you just go to mommastery.com that's M O M M A S T E R-Y dot com. Make sure you check it out and take your free quiz again. That's mommastery.com M O M M A S T E R Y.com now back to the podcast. And speaking of speaking softly, this is the third tactic. This is actually a Bible verse in Proverbs. It's a soft answer turns away wrath. It's Proverbs 15:1. Think about it this way. If a soft answer turns away wrath, what does a harsh answer do? It invites wrath. It invites destruction. It destroys what you're trying to build. So if you're trying to build a happy family and harmony and peace in your home, that angry voice, that yelling, that screaming brings about wrath. So a soft answer turns away wrath. And sometimes you feel, you feel wrath inside of you. Like, you feel that anger, that frustration, and that's why you want to yell. But what's important is that you remember inside of me is a soft voice. There is a soft voice. And I'm not going to let this wrath that I feel, even though I feel like destroying things right now, even though I feel like throwing a dish or two, I'm going to speak softly. Not just because the Bible commands it, but because I want to turn away this wrath. I don't want wrath in my home. I won't allow it. When you elevate your voice and when you yell and scream, you're opening the door to destruction in your home. And remember, like, it is funny because my kids call it my flight attendant voice. They actually do. They have a term for my I. I get. When I get really angry, y', all, when I get like, I'm gonna bust somebody angry, I always start talking like this. This is my soft answer. I need you guys to sit down. Do you remember I've told you three times that it's reading Time. Let's go sit down. And they're like. I mean, it terrifies them. It actually does. Like that flight. They call it the flight attendant voice. It terrifies, strikes, tear in my kids. Like, you can see that. Goosebumps on their arms. They're like, mom's about to tear me a new one right now. Like, they know it because they know that voice, the soft dancer, the flight attendant voice. Because you're about to get in a lot of trouble and you're gonna really regret what you just did. So it's funny because I will not yell, but I will do the flight attendant all day or day. And that actually terrifies my kids more than me yelling. I don't yell. I don't yell. So a soft answer turns away wrath. That's number three. Number four, I want you to remember something. Children, no matter what their age, and, you know, and adults too, for that matter, like, if you're yelling at your spouse, same rule applies. People hear the scream, never the message. Think about that. People hear the scream, never the message. So if you're trying to say, I told you to pick up this mess in your room two days ago. They just hear. It's kind of like that, you know, Charlie Brown. Do you remember Charlie Brown? Like. Like the teacher. The Charlie Brown teacher was always like. And you didn't know what she said, right? You just heard, like, the tone and her little mumbly sound. There was no message there. Well, when you yell and scream at your kids or anybody, the message is never heard. It's never received. You don't hear the message. You just hear the tone. You just hear the scream. You just hear the yellow. So please remember that when you're. And even if you catch yourself yelling, you're like, oh, once I elevate my voice, nothing is received. Nothing. Nothing is received. So the fifth one. And then after I tell you the fifth one, I'm going to tell you that why you're not a bad mom. If you yell, I'm going to tell you what you actually are. And you're a fighter, but I'm going to tell you why. And that's going to wrap this up. You've got to listen to this because it's really important. I don't want you to feel like you're a bad mom. If you yell, I'm going to tell you why you yell and why it makes you a fighter and what we can do about it. So number five is. And this is our last one. And in Matthew 15:18, it says out of the Abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. So this is really important because if you find that you do yell a lot, if you find you do scream at your kids, you catch yourself losing your temper and yelling. You've got to look in your heart because something's in there that's coming out of your mouth. If the yelling is coming in. Yelling is destructive. Screaming is destructive. So there's some type of destruction going on inside your heart. What you may need to do, mama, is just take a moment or a day, take care of yourself. See what's going in. See what's going on inside of you. Are you feeling resentful? Are you feeling angry? Are you feeling unfulfilled? Are you feeling a bit lost and confused? And one more time, I know I say this a lot, but if you do feel that way, if you do feel overwhelmed or lost or confused or bitter or angry, and it's just, it's not your kids that are making you mad. It's just life that's making you mad and that's coming out of your mouth. Please, please get plugged into Mom Mastery University because you need a tribe of people to support you and to care for you. You need to get plugged into this Mom Mastery method that takes you from overwhelmed to a place of peace and order and joy and freedom. And that's what we do inside Mom Mastery University. So all you have to do is go to mommastery.com m o m m a s T-E-R-Y.com get plugged into this method because you don't need that going on in your life. Now the last thing, you're not a bad mom. Please get this in your head. If you yell at your kids, you're not a bad mom. You're a fighter. Here's what happens. Your brain, just your primitive brain now that's, that's your. That. That way we respond like a fight or flight response. Okay? It's basically based in. Is in your limbic system, in your brain. And you have an entire system set up there so that when a fear or a threat happens and you respond in a primitive way, that's why you pull your hand back when you touch something hot or that's why you run away when you get scared by something. It's that primitive response in your brain that protects you. Now understand, when you feel threatened, you yell. It's an evolutionary response. Our brain is wired to do that. Same reason why you get scared. You ah, you like scream Right. And it's an evolutionary response that is hardwired into your brain. So you have to understand, let's get a broader perspective on this. You are a fighter because for some reason, you feel there's a threat. There's a threat to your authority as a mom. There's a threat to your stability, to your identity. Something's happening there to threaten you. That's why your voice gets louder and that's why you get angrier. That's why you elevate, because there is a threat. And it is just your brain responding with a fight or flight mechanism. But I'm telling you, if you're yelling, you're fighting the wrong battle. You and I both know the battle is within you. Okay? So let's get this under control. I would love to work with you. I have coached thousands of moms to help them create lives where they have peace and order. And I would love to help you, too. So what I want you to do is leave a comment so we can take this on to the next level and share with me, like, what is yelling a problem for you and what causes it? What are the triggers? And which one of these five methods are you going to use to change your life around, to change how you respond not just to your kids, but to your entire family? So I love you. I have your back. We're going to do this. We're fighters, you and I. We are fighters. But we're going to fight the right battles and dang it, we're gonna win. I love you. I got your back. Let's do this together. Are you ready to get radical results in your life? I can give you the jumpstart you need for massive success as a mom. In fact, I've got that mom show starter kit right here with your name on it, girl. And I want to give it to you absolutely free. Just go to thatmomshow.com or text the word kit K I T to 345345. That's the word kit to 345345. That mom show starter kit comes with my best selling time management program for moms. Squeeze the day, my guided faith based master mom meditation, and a printable copy of the Master mom manifesto. Print that baby out. Say it every day. Just watch what happens. That mom show starter kit is valued at over $300, but I want you to have it for free. Just go to thatmomshow.com or text the word kit that's K I T to 345345. Again, text kit to 3, 4, 5. 3, 4, 5. I'll talk with you later.