If You Don't Fight, You Don't Win! with special guest Hope Carpenter

All right. I know sometimes you just feel like, I ain't got no more fight left in me. I'm just tired. I was talking with someone the other day, and it's like, come on, tell me what's really, really bothering you. And he just said, I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm just done. I was like, I get it. I get it. So if you're that kind of person who you're like, you know what? I feel like God has put this thing in my life. He's put this desire in my heart. But I've been trying. I've been trying to. How do you get that fight back? Well, it's a good thing that you are here with me today, because I've got my dear friend Hope Carpenter with me. She is pastor of Redemption Church. She is an incredible woman. She's just a light. She is a beacon, and she is amazing. So she's going to be here talking about the truth, that if you don't fight well, you're going to win. I am so excited to be here with you, Hope.

Oh, me too. And. And they don't know this, but we've been sitting here doing our own podcast and didn't press record for, what, about 20 minutes?

Just catching. We've been talking about everything from plastic surgery to get. Having vacations.

That's right. And empty nesters.

Empty nesters. And we started talking about struggling and fight. I was like, wait a minute. We're talking about what we're talking about today.

I said, would you stop and press record?

I just. I get carried away spending time with you because you are a light. You're just like a breath of fresh air in a world that seems to be so cluttered and noisy. And I just appreciate everything that you and Ron do, and I really want this time together. I know we only have, like, you know, 25, 30 minutes, whatever, but I want this time together to serve someone who is feeling like I'm just done. Hope, what would you like? Why did you decide to write this book? If you don't fight, then you don't win. It seems like common sense, but we don't realize that all the time because I was done.

I had reached a point in my life where I was done. And, you know, I think we need to take the shame off that anyway. You know, for some reason, in church especially, we just. We just put shame on people when they fall or when they get tired or when they're, like, tapped out, and. And we forget we are not God. We are not Jesus. We are not perfect. We are human. We live in a sin filled world. We have sin that affects us. Sin separates us. We have unresolved issues in our heart. We were all brought up in dysfunctional homes. We all have issues we deal with. And it just gets real heavy.

So we just have to know one thing. Have you gotten inside the Mom Brain Makeover yet? If you haven't and, and you're a mom, what is going on? I. I don't know. I don't understand it. Go to Mom Brain Makeover. And I know it's crazy. Anyway. Get inside the Mom Brain Makeover. It's an entire program to help you rewire that mom brain so you can.

So.

I know, I know. So you can get. They're going to do it so you can get out of stress, you can get more done, and you can have a lot more energy. So make sure you go to Mom Brain makeover. I know. Momburymakeover.com get inside. Let's get back to the show.

You know, it just gets heavy. And I think these things really start manifesting, Hannah, when we get into mid-30s, around 40ish. Because by that time you're like, you, you know, you want to stick your birdie up and just say, I'm done.

Yeah.

No, you just get like, tired of faking and putting on the mask and you're like, I can't do this anymore. And the world calls it a midlife crisis. But I don't believe it's that spiritually. I believe it just when all of that bad fruit starts manifesting on your tree.

That's true. That's true. And you're just like, I, I'm done. I want to tap out. I remember hearing someone say that when you're 30, you. You worry so much about what people think.

Yeah.

When you're 40, you don't care about what people think. And then when you're 50, you realize no one was thinking anything.

Right.

Because they're all.

They all got their own issues. Right. Right.

We have that stress so much and we're trying to make everything work. And we're trying to figure out in. We're trying to do everything right. Yeah.

And we're trying to be perfect. We're trying to be good Christian, a good mom, a good proverbs.

31 woman.

Yeah. Get your sewing machine.

It's not even the pedal kind. It's the pedal kind that you have to.

Absolutely.

It's got to be the hardest.

Right? Can't be electric.

No, no. No, we have to only have a working pedal that way. Right. I mean, this is a kind of life. I think a lot of believers, a lot of women, too. Christian women are dealing. Yeah. Is. I just. I don't even know what my authentic self is. I want to win in life. I want to do everything right, but I'm just tired of the pressure and the struggle and the hamster wheel.

Yeah, it's true.

You said you were done.

Yeah, I was done. And I was 40, in my early 40s. I'll be 56 this month. And it was my early 40s. And in ministry, married.

Wouldn't have to be perfect.

Oh, yeah. And I grew up in a home where you had to be perfect. You had to make straight A's. You had to be, you know, home on time, your room was immaculate, your bed was made every day. You know, you couldn't get anything wrong. So, you know, I was conditioned to feel like I was receiving love if I was good enough. And that is conditional love. That's not unconditional, God's kind of love. So then it launches me into adulthood, thinking everything has to be perfect. If I fail, nobody's going to love me. I'm not going to be accepted. I'm not going to be a good pastor's wife. So then that puts you. Sorry about that.

That puts life.

Yeah. It puts you in a mode of lying and fake because you can't. Yeah.

And then you're not authentic. And then when. If you're a Christian and you operate out of authenticity and integrity, now there's shame. Now the enemy's like, oh, absolutely.

Oh, yeah. The church has done a terrible job, a terrible job at creating a climate where people can really bring their needs to the surface, where you can really say, nope, I'm not. Okay. No, I'm not. No. I'm really struggling. I have an addiction. You know, I cut my teeth on the faith movement. My parents were Pentecostals. They. They went into the faith movement and so you couldn't say a negative word. And although I believe all of that is true and real and, you know, our mouth does what we say, brings forth life and death. It creates. Oh, fakeness and lying to where you can't say how you really feel.

That's so true. You have to put on a mask. You're not operating in faith.

No. You're not a good Christian.

Authentic, or are you going to be faithful? And we have created this disparity that Jesus, he never did any of that.

Right.

He didn't create that. But we have allowed ourselves to go to this place where if I even like voice, if I even give a voice to a struggle or to an addiction or. Or to a problem I'm having or to pain or stress or depression, then I'm not being faithful. What?

I know, it's crazy. It's absolutely. I mean, Jesus got tired. He said, I'm tired. I'm leaving. These church people, they getting on my nerves. That's Hope's version. When he said, I'm getting in the boat. He'd been ministering all day. He said, I'm getting in the boat. I'm going to the other side.

Right.

No, he was tired. He was frustrated. Jesus, who had no sin in him. And I love, love, love the scripture in Proverbs where it says, the righteous, though, the righteous fall. What does that even make sense? The righteous.

Yeah, yeah.

I love that. Though the righteous fall seven times, they fall, they get back up again. Yeah, yeah.

But we have created a climate, by and large, not all. I mean, not all churches, religion, that spirit of religion has created a climate that if you're authentic and you say, oh, my gosh, I sell. Oh, no, now you're not a good Christian because you've given energy to something that is. And most don't.

Yeah. Most don't give you the opportunity to get back up again, which is sad, you know, that is the ministry of reconciliation. That's why Jesus came.

Right. Right. Because we can't be perfect. Our mind to the mind. It says we have the mind of Christ, but we've got to reconcile.

Yes. Yeah. It's like reconciling your bills. Yeah. Gotta reconcile your mind.

Do we have to talk about bills?

I know. No, let's don't.

Let's don't. Let's talk about.

If you don't fight, you don't. Let's don't talk about. If you don't fight, you don't win.

Because we might have to talk about the righteous falling again.

I hate bills. But anyway, we all got them, right?

We all got them. We all got them, but we all have issues. I love hearing Creflo Dollar say everybody in the house got an issue.

It's true.

Everybody's got an issue.

Yeah. That's why you can't regard any man by the flesh. Because I got one, you got one. All God children got one.

Right.

I love. You know, I just don't worry about yours because I got this big old plank in mind. It's just. It's hard trying to pursue purpose it's hard trying to be everything that, you know, the Bible says that you can be and do and have. But we got all these issues, and I think that's. I think that is the struggle. We were going to talk a little bit about marriage because that's where my, you know, issue happened. Yeah, fail years ago. And when I was 35, I remember waking up one day saying, I can't do this anymore. And I actually said the F word. And it wasn't if it was fu, fu. You, you and you and all y'. All.

And we weren't forgiven anybody.

No, no, no, we were. We were just mad and did not. Didn't know why I felt that way. I had a good husband, great ministry. I mean, we were just now able at 35, you know, to rub two quarters together and go out to eat. I mean, we started, we started our church on missionary money. It was hard. We struggled. But I loved my husband, he loved me. We. We loved what we did. I had no idea that all the trauma I had faced as a child, the abuse, the rape, the things like that that were going to affect me later in life. Because remember, in church, we don't talk about that. We come to the altar, we lay that down at the altar and we don't talk about that. And we don't get help for that. So we shammalama ding dong and get up and everything's fine. But it wasn't fine. It affected me. And so at 35, I was like, I had a breakdown. Could not be perfect. Another day, I couldn't be on time. Another day, my kids hair couldn't be quaffed. Another day and be in the choir and lead worship and do all the things and have sex every time he want to have sex and all the things, you know what I mean? Just pressure. And so it started me down a road of, you know what? I'm just going to do what I want to do. I need to blow some steam off. Ended up being very unfaithful to my husband. Hurt so many people. But it wasn't until I was in my 40s, it was like nine years of that that I just collapsed before the Lord. And I said, God, I love you. I love my husband. Why am I here? How did I get here? And a supernatural, literal gift of faith hit my life. And I said, I'm not going to wallow in this pain, number one, I'm not going to blame anybody. I'm going to take responsibility for my actions and I am going to pursue my freedom. So I wrote my first book, the Most Beautiful Disaster. You know, we've talked about that. That chronicled all the pain and how God restored my life and restored my marriage. But I really feel like God gave me a recipe of how to recover. And that's what this book is. If you don't fight, you don't win. Because so many times we just want God to do it all right? And that is not the God we serve. When he said, it is finished, and he sat down at the right hand of the Father, it's done. It was finished. Now it is. He's an if, then God, I do this if you. I do this if you. He's given us all the things we need for life and godliness. He's given the tools, he's given us the keys, but we got to get up off our lazy butt and do it.

Yeah, like. Like Jesus saying, how. How long have you been sitting here?

Yeah. Right.

Have you been waiting here for a miraculous healing when you have the power to do something? Yeah.

We ask God to heal our bodies, but we. Cramming McDonald's down our throat.

Right. And he asked us to heal our minds, but we're. We're pouring social media into it, so.

Right.

Right. Okay. Well, how are we participating in that?

Right?

What. What is our part to play? And I. And I think there's. There's so many ways we could go with this. And I want to hear. I want to hear your take on this, because I remember talking with this woman. This was not too. On you. And she said, I went to a whole service and I got delivered from all that. And I am so embarrassed that I'm back to it, because I. And now she was questioning God. She was questioning deliverance. She was questioning her faith. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What if this. What if that was the first step?

Ab. Absolutely.

You know, what if that's a lot of people holding shame around that. Like, oh, I thought I got healed from it, or I thought I. Yeah, I thought I forgave that person. Or I thought I got delivered from that. And now here I'm back with the cravings and the ideas and thoughts.

You know, there's a whole story in the Bible about that being delivered, but until you replace it, you sweat the house clean. But until you. But the good thing.

Seven more friends. Yes.

So I think we just are sitting back, waiting on God, this genie in a bottle, to come do all these miracles for us and get us free and make us love our husband and do all these Things. But I just don't believe it works like that. I have seen people get supernaturally delivered many times. And I mean, heroin addicts, alcoholics, God's crate. God can do whatever he wants to do.

Whatever he wants to. Wherever you meet him too. Wherever you need him too.

But I believe that we have sown so much to the flesh throughout our life. There's going to be a lot of flesh cleanup.

Yeah.

And that renewing your mind is a slow process.

It is. But that's the only way that we're transformed by the renewing of our mind.

Yeah.

And work. And we want to have that, you know, good, pleasing, perfect life that Romans 12:2 talks about. But maybe that renewal is not a one and done. Maybe it is a lifelong process. It's a lifelong process. So what does this look like? Because. Because there are people that are like, all right, I get it. I'm a participant of this. I'm a co creator with God. He poured that spirit in me to create.

Right.

He gave me power. He gave me authority. So what does it look like? Hope to fight back. Because we're not going to win. We're not going to get to the promised land if we don't learn how to walk around in circles sometimes. If we don't learn how to step into the Jordan sometimes, if we don't learn how to, like, pull out our weapons and use us. So what does it look like to fight back?

Yeah. Somebody asked me that and we posted it on one of my social medias this week. And I said, you know, I'm not talking about getting up and actually putting on the boxing gloves and actually hitting and fighting somebody. I'm talking about most of it is fighting ourselves. Health.

Oh, girl. The enemy is always inside the walls.

Yes. Because it's me that that's got to be transformed. It's me that's got to shift and grow and become mature. You know, I have to fight my feelings and I have to fight my emotions and I have to fight this mouth and I have to fight to forgive and I have to fight to be kind it. I am constantly in a fight with me my killing, this flesh. Yeah. I want to lay in the bed. Yeah. I want to wallow around. I want to be mad, but that's getting me nowhere. Right. I have to get up and I have to do the work I do. I talk about Ron a lot in this book. About. He's the most disciplined man I know. And I know you exercise and you're a gym rat and I'm So happy for you, because, girl. And I'm fat and you're not. But.

No, that's just. That's just what I post the one time a week.

Oh, it's an imposter. No, it's not an imposter. It was your body. It was your legs. I saw them.

Okay.

But, you know, I can say all day that I want nice tone, thin legs. I can say that and really want it, actually. Yeah. But until I'm willing to get up and get my butt to the gym and do something about it.

Yeah.

It's really a lie.

Yeah.

I don't want it bad enough. I might want it, but I don't want it bad enough. How bad do you want a good marriage? How bad do you want to get your finances in order? How bad do you want to get your mouth and tame that tongue? How bad?

Yeah.

Are you willing to do something about it? And so that is what this book is. Because I could have give. I could have thrown in the towel. Hannah.

Yeah. When we were separated and no one would have held anything over you. It would have been.

Oh, they probably.

Well, maybe your friends. My friends would be like, no. You know, but it would have been validated.

Yeah. Well, back in the world, 13, you know, I could have chosen when we separated, I could have said, okay, I'm going to sell margaritas on the beach in my bikini.

Yeah.

I'm not ever doing this again.

Yeah.

You know, I'm mad.

That would have been a choice, and that. That is the easier choice to make.

It was, but it. But I knew that I was created for more than that. Yeah. And I knew that I would be miserable the rest of my life and I would not operate out and fulfill the promises of God over my life. So I said, I'm going to discipline myself and I'm going to get to the root of why I've done what I've done. I'm going to go to as many counseling sessions as possible. I'm going to stay off social media for as long as it takes. I'm not going to have a car. I'm not going to have a phone for three years. I'm going to do the work. I'm going to build trust back in my marriage. I'm going to pay restitution to my husband. I'm going to give back more than I took. And see, so many people are not willing to do those principles in marriage. They're. Like I said, I'm sorry. Yeah. Why you wanted to check my phone? I said, I'm sorry, but I mean, how bad do you want your trust restored? Yeah. And.

And it takes, it's work. And I, and I tell people you always make the decisions to do it when it comes down to do what you want to do, to do what you feel like doing.

Yeah.

And so you gotta take. That's. That's called crucifying the flesh. And we do that every. Take up the cross daily. We gotta take up that cross every day and crucify the flesh. And it means what decision am going to make today? Am I going to live for the flesh? Am I? Or am I going to live for the spirit?

Right.

Am I going to set my mind on those things that are above or am I going to stay on those things that are beneath?

Yeah.

And not that. Yeah. We do all fall sometimes to that beneath place. Yeah. Like, you know what? I just, I did it up. But are we going to pick ourselves back up?

Right.

Keep setting our mind. The implied version of that says set your mind and keep it set.

Yes.

On things that are above. It's not a one and done. We have no.

And that in that word set is like putting a cast on a broken bone. Set your mind where it can't move.

Right.

Right. But that cast around your mind that is so powerful on things above where the anointing is, where Christ is. Yeah. Not what you see, not what you feel. Not down here on low level thinking. Not on what your bank account says, not on what your body looks like. Not on what your marriage currently looks like. Yeah. But set it up here. Yeah. And that's how you can fight. Because you see a future better tomorrow than what you're living today. There you go.

There you go. You have to do that because faith is the substance of things. Hope for the evidence of things not seen. So if you're living by what you see today, of course you'll never do it. You're never going to do it because you're always going to be moved by your circumstances. If it's a good day, you're happy. It's a bad day you're down. Like, are we really going to be tossed to and fro? We get to set this. I'll never forget one time, Mike, my sister and I went out. We live on the lake and my sister and I went out on the lake and we're canoeing. And I'm in the front, I'm in the back, she's in the front. I just thought canoeing was a simple thing. You sit in a boat and you like move A paddle. And she yells back, invoke the rudder. And I said, first of all, a canoe doesn't have a rudder.

It. What?

Invoke? Are we in church? What is this? She's like, the 4H camp poster? Yeah. I'm like, what are you even talking about? This is a leisurely canoe out on the lake. And invoke a rudder. She's like, no, use the or in the back as a rudder to direct it and I'll paddle. I'm like, okay. That I understand. But what she was telling me was like, we. If you want to get to that win that you talk about in the book, if you want to get to that promised land, if you want to fulfill the desires that God put in your heart, you better set a rudder not just over your mouth, but over the thoughts that turn into what comes out of your mouth, because that's going to cause the direction to go, where God wants it to go for your life, to reward you.

Yeah.

And to expand his kingdom.

You know, I think, Hannah, one of the most powerful revelations I ever got in that dark time for me, and I think it's chapter one, actually, in the book, and it's that we were not promised easy.

Girl.

We weren't. And for some reason, there is a thought process in the church that once you say yes to Jesus, that everything's supposed to go easy. You know, that. You know, tulips just pop up all over your yard every day and nobody ever gets sick, and you got plenty of money, everything's great and everybody loves you and everything's easy. But we.

And there's unicorns frolicking on your lawn, and you poop out rainbows. No. And marshmallows. Matter of fact.

Matter of fact, he promised that you would have tribulation, he said.

With persecution, my friend.

Yeah. Yeah. So where did we get this mindset that we were promised? Easy. No, actually, trials and tribulations and persecution builds our endurance. It strengthens us. It's supposed to be the fuel for our next level battle.

Girl. I'm just saying, you're preaching to me right now. I am serious. I. I know you're preaching to other people right now, people who are listening or watching. But I'm saying I am receiving this right now because it has been a hard time for me in a lot of areas. And you know that.

Then it was a strengthening time.

It's a strengthening time. And the truth is, what God has shared with me is you can't. It's not that you won't, but you don't even have the option to grow in comfort.

You don't.

You don't. You can do it intellectually, but you can't do it spiritually because you can't know what you don't know spiritually until you get to the bottom and you realize you're still okay.

It's just that it's that strengthening of that muscle. It's that toned leg principle. It doesn't look better until you put weight on it, sister.

And then when. And that's the thing. Like your blessings can become your burdens if you haven't built up the foundation and faith to support it.

Yeah.

So what if God is just for everyone who is listening, watching. What if God is in the process of building you up to launch you to your next level? And the more disgruntled you get and the more frustrated you get and the more, more self deprecation and the more moaning and groaning, you are just prolonging the process. You could praise your way there.

Yeah. Yeah. You just embrace it. Okay. I'm gonna. I. I embrace this trouble. I embrace this trial, that it's building something in me that is so good. Yeah. It's not popular and it's not easy, but it's.

It. It doesn't get the likes.

No, but it's truth.

It is true. And. And the truth is that there is something for everyone who's watching and listening. There's a reason you're here. There's a reason. There's a dream that you have. You may have tried to bury it, but it right now, it is coming up from the grave, sister. It is coming up. And you're like, you know what? I'm not going to avoid this anymore. God has put me here to live the fullest, most abundant life. And I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna fight my way there.

Yeah, absolutely. Do you mind if I tell them about the inner, Inner Circle? Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Yeah. I would love for all of you to have this book. And you can go to Amazon anywhere books are sold and you can buy it, but I will give it to you for free. And I would love for you to join. And I do monthly coaching twice a month. We have over 600 people across the world actually right now in Inner circle, we have five countries represented, 43 states. And so you can get this for free if you join. And I would love to join arms with you and help you win. I mean, not that I know everything about life. I am not a guru. I make mistakes too. But I'VE been there, done that. I've learned some. Some valuable lessons. And I want to be that coach for people. Hannah, I want to help people get their fight back, and I want to see you be everything that God's called you to be. So if you want to be a part of the inner circle, go to hopes inner circle.com join today and we.

Will put that link in the show notes. But I'm just going to tell everyone right now, if I knew that a solution to a problem was in a room, I would do everything I could to get in that room. And I think what you offer, Hope, is that room. Oh, and you have that open invitation, like getting it.

You.

You. You don't look, you are one person that is so. You never judge. You just never judge. You see people the way that God sees people, and I love that about you.

You do.

You don't just try. You do. You. You see people through eyes of love because you know what pain looks like. And I think that you provide such a safe space that I'd want to get in a room with you.

And you better.

I better. Here we go. Let's do this. Pajama party, huh?

Pajama party. Yes.

Oh, we need to have a inner circle wide pajama party.

That would be so fun.

Oh, my goodness. Yes. Yes. Can I be your first invite?

You help me plan it.

Awesome. I will do that. Guys, this has been such a very impactful. I think if, you know, if God is. Is reaching you right now, you know, if there is something in you that is ready to fight back, and I want to encourage you because you're not going to get to that crazy, blessed life if you don't fight for it. Hope, thank you so much for hanging out with us.

Thank you for having me. God bless you.