Marriage Monday: The Business of Your Marriage

It's marriage Monday, and Blair and I are coming to you talking about the business of marriage. It's gonna be a good one.

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All right, so we're talking about the business, and you got to say it that way.

Business biz nasty.

Biz nasty. Well, I guess it can get nasty in a good way. The business of marriage. And it is a business because you have a purpose. You're creating something amazing. You're serving others. There's a. There's a purpose. It's not just like these two people fall in love and they decide, let's spend the rest of our lives together. There's a purpose in it. And when you discover that purpose and operate in that purpose, like a business, like, if a business just said, I don't know what to do, let's just kind of show up at the office and see, it would probably be out of business.

Right. Well, that's. I mean, that's kind of a. You know, a business owner's mindset is born out of a passion, a love for doing something for the world, making the world a little bit better in whatever it is that they are producing. Right. So whether it's a service or a product or what have you. And that marriage is very similar to that in that we go into a soulful agreement at the very beginning that is, you know, this is something we're very passionate about and want to grow together so that we're going to be with each other for the rest of our lives, you know, and want to make it something that is a blessing not only to each other, but to our family, our kids, and hopefully grandkids and great grandkids to the world.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, we have three qualities about a marriage that we think you can learn a lot from some of the best businesses in the world about how to run a hugely successful, awesome marriage. And those three. Well, we'll start with the first one, and that is an investment, like all businesses start out with an initial investment. And sometimes it's money, sometimes it's just sweat equity. But there is something that a person has to say, you know what? I'm laying this down. This is what I consider valuable enough to. I don't like the term sacrifice, but actually like to put something of value into it, to say, I'm laying this down to pick up something greater and that's what an investment is.

Yeah, that's true. I actually do like the word sacrifice because it is.

Because you've had to sacrifice a lot to deal with me.

Yes, I have. That's another podcast we'll do soon.

I'll keep track.

No, no, but it is, there is a. You are, you know, you're dying to self when you enter into a relationship with your spouse. I mean, you are becoming a partner and looking out for the whole as opposed to yourself going forward. So there is sacrifice there, but it's a very positive way of thinking about it. You know, similar to what you just talked about. Investment in a business can be a financial investment, it can be sweat equity, it can be a number of different things, but those are sacrifices that are being made in order to get a, to prop up a business or get a startup off the ground. And it's very much like that. You are basically dying to self in order to create this singular hole between the two, you know, the husband and the wife.

And you know, it's a, it's a God ordained thing. And so the way that God works is every time you put something in, you get so much more out. Right? And I think that's one thing that holds people back from investing in anything. Not just investing in a marriage, but investing in the business, investing in the kingdom of God by tithing. There's confusion, like, am I going to get something out of it? You know, and so I think we have to get that right perspective on, you know what, this is a, this is a God ordained thing and whatever you put into it, and let's make this super practical. Like, I know sometimes women are like, if I have to pick up his dirty underwear one more time out of the bathroom. Like, I like to keep things practical.

I keep a very clean laundry basket.

You do, you do my laundry. And I am so just want to.

Make sure that people in the. That wasn't a live example.

No, but no. Man, he picks up my dirty underwear. I love you so much. But you probably think that if I have to pick up her dirty underwear one more time. But, but those kind of things where it's like you get frustrated, you're like, is, does it even matter? And you have to look out of the flesh eyes and look with spiritual eyes and say, you know what? Every action, every sacrificial action, whether it's cleaning up, whether it's running an errand, whether it's just, you know, sacrificing sleep sometimes or whatever, and every. Or. Or, you know, cutting off ugly retort when you want to say it. Every sacrifice you make has spiritual impact, and it does matter. You might think it doesn't matter, but God counts everything. And so don't discount any sacrifice, any investment that you make in that marriage, even the investment that you think no one notices.

Right?

Absolutely. I mean, that's, you know, looking at yourself, you know, inside of your marriage as not a standalone individual. You are a part of a whole can help you get into the mindset of that kind of sacrifice. If you don't think that way.

Like tonight when, like, you. You didn't feel good, like, you worked a really long day, you didn't feel good. When you came home, you didn't complain at all. You could have said, man, I feel lousy. You didn't say that. You folded the laundry. And, like, I know that's the last thing you want to do, but you did it. And, like, you know, this morning, I didn't want to clean up all the dishes and that were left in the sink last night from the kids. But, like, you do those things, you don't. Like. No. You don't keep track of, and you don't compare. Right. There's no score.

Right.

There's just, you know what? This is worth it. This is an investment. And it seems like with businesses, there's always, like, one person may feel like they're giving more than the other, but it really. I think this bleeds into our second thing, really, about the differences with people. So I don't know. Did you want to say anything else about the sacrifice?

No, not the sacrifice.

The investment.

The investment. Right. And that leads right into the second point, which is talking about, you know, differentiated skill sets that each have.

Yeah. So, like with a business, I am very much a creative thinker. I'm very much a dreamer. I'm like 20 years ahead, always thinking, always brainstorming, starting things, not wanting to finish them. But I do. And if I was partnered in a business with someone else like that, there'd be no traction.

You've got, you know. Yeah. You've got a creative mindset, a dreamer mindset. That's a very positive thing. It guides and directs our company where it's going so that we have vision for the future, and it's an extremely important part.

Yeah. But also implementation is vision, and without implementation, it's just dreaming.

Absolutely. A lot of the training that we do Business training. You know, a lot of the times, you know, the videos that we watch and the books that we read, they're telling us, okay, just stop thinking about it. Just get out there and do it right. And that's my mindset. I am very much appreciate that. A red personality in that. I love to. Okay, great. You have somewhat of an inkling of direction. Let's get it on the road and let's actually make it come to fruition. What does it look like and how do we put it in market or how do we offer it to our customer base or whatever it may be. So that's, that's a very different skill set than what you had in terms of how we run our business. And those kinds of skill sets bleed off and bleed out into our personal lives as well.

Totally, totally. And you have to think about a marriage that way because you may be thinking, well, I bear the brunt of everything, or I do everything, or I do most of the personal development and he or she doesn't.

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So in a marriage, you might be thinking like, well, it's not fair. Like, I do all this and he or she doesn't, or I have to bear the weight of this and he or she does it. You might think that some things are out of balance, but you have to get out of thinking that there's a. Any kind of balance at all. Because what it really is is you have. You're two different people, and by being partnered together, it's just like a business. Like, one can have a totally different role than the other and you can be stronger as a result of that.

Right? Right, Absolutely. And you should have different skill sets like that. That should be part. I mean, it's the same thing. If you said about the business model, if you did exactly the same thing as your business partner, it wouldn't fly. Right. So in your personal life, there are ways that you, you keep your home, there are ways that you like to interact with your kids or. And your spouse has perhaps very different ways. I mean, I'm very good friends with a family that the husband and wife have a very different approach to how they interact with their kids, but it works. And it's a beautiful family. And the children are, you know, they love their parents to death, but one of the parents is very hands on and always there and always with the kids. And the other parent is a little bit more hands off, but still a loving, nurturing type of a personality. But those are skill sets that they were born with in ways that they can positively interact with with their kids. But those skill sets are very different from each other.

Like one person said, no, you need to be more like me because I'm right. You can't morph someone into being more like you. Even though I know you're right, you're always right.

I have a great story.

Our ego thinks that.

It's not a very detailed story, but it's a great story about my parents. And my parents are happily married. I mean, what, 53 years, 54 years right now. And just they're massively in love with each other and everything. But I remember my mom telling me a story a long time ago that she was so excited when she was going to get married to my dad. They were high school sweethearts and they knew that they were going to get married and everything was great. And she knew that he had sort of an intense, athletic, aggressive type of a personality. And she was like, well, that's great. Once we get married, I'll change him. Right? Yeah, that was exactly because she had a certain kind of skill set and she had a certain way of doing things and he had a certain way of doing things. And over the years, you know, obviously the marriage is beautiful and you know, they are great grandparents and everything is wonderful there. But I remember my mom having a conversation with me and my sisters when we were young adults. And you know, she said that was one mistake that I think that she said she made early on in her marriage was thinking that I have a way of doing things, I have a certain set of skills. And don't worry, I will change my husband to mold into that. And fortunately, nothing ever serious happened between them because of that. But I think it's a really good lesson. It was a great lesson for us.

There's so much peace after she finally was like, you know what? I'm not. This is not a battle worth fighting. I need to love him as he is because that's who I fell in love with.

Exactly. And that actually that story was wonderful. You know, when it came to me thinking about our relationship. Because at that time, we were just, you know, getting to know each other.

Did you want to change me?

Not in a million years.

Come on, you can. You can. You can confess.

I'm not. No, I didn't. I didn't want to change you at all. I never did want to change you. I love you for what you are.

Well, the third way that your marriage can be like a business, and we were thinking about this. A lot of businesses, when one thing that you'll counsel a business owner on is, hey, it's important, before you start a business, always have your out game. Like, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna sell it? Right? Are you gonna pass it down? Are you gonna. How are you gonna get out?

So you got ready to tell me what our out game?

No, I'm about ready to tell you. There is no out game, baby.

There is no out game.

Like, this is like, the businesses that last, they do not have an out game. Like, I'm sure Coca Cola does not say, hey, what's our out game, guys? How are we going to stop the business? Like, that's not an option. And I think if you're going to build a big marriage, like a. Like a Coca Cola, like a Apple, I'm sure Apple Computer's not thinking, what's their out game? A goals.

Marriage. One of those marriages that people go like, you know, you guys are. You. You guys are marriage goals.

Yeah. If you're gonna build that, there is no outgame.

No, you're not. You're not starting. I mean, I have a lot of.

Friends that just gets more traction over time.

Right. I have a lot of friends who have made a tremendous amount of money in business. And that's exactly their operating M.O. is, hey, I'm gonna invest, sacrifice. I am, you know, gonna build a set of skills within this organization, build my team and do it that way. And my intent is, in three to five years, to sell it to another company that can take it even bigger, and I'm gonna take my money and move on. That's there. That is a very common.

And sometimes we have that subconscious motive in a marriage. We're like, well, we'll try it out.

We'll try it out and see what it is. Right? And that's. You can't. You don't. You don't approach a marriage that way. You can't approach a marriage that way.

Because that's what you're telling your subconscious. Like, this is a trial, right?

And I mean, if you happen to be in a situation where you. You believe or feel like, well, maybe we have done that. That doesn. That it's a lost cause at all. It's about looking back into. It doesn't matter where you are in your marriage. I believe you could be like us, 27 years in, you could be 40 years in, you could be three months in. Go back to looking at the investment. Go back to looking at what skills you have as a person. Right, exactly. And you can restart that, you can rebuild that. Yeah. And I firmly believe it. I've seen, you know, plenty of couples that we've seen through Marriage Kitchen that are doing that today.

Yeah. And they're building strong, lasting.

Right. Marriages that were on the brink of. They were collapsed. They were done. You know, just sort of going back to the beginning, looking at, you know, that investment piece like we talked about here, it really can guide you into a very strong and, you know, lifelong marriage.

And if you feel like your marriage, like, if it were business, it's on the verge of bankruptcy, can we just encourage you right now that there's always hope? And we guarantee, like, it. Like, it comes down to your skill set. Like, it's just what you don't know that's keeping you in that place. It's kind of like running a business. It's what you don't know that's making your business fail.

Right.

You know, if what you've been doing for two years in your business is not working, you're still in the same income bracket, then maybe you need to get a mentor. Maybe you need to get some business coaching, Maybe you need to plug in and invest more. But that's the same thing with marriage. Like, maybe you need to get a coach and we have the Marriage Kitchen. We'd love to help you create a marriage that's healthy and delicious.

Right. And, yeah, you get a few cooking tips in there.

Yeah, man.

But I tell you. Yeah, it is. You know, it's the kind of lessons, kind of modules that are really. They'll make you think. And they are. Some of them.

Don't tell them too much about it.

I'm not. I'm just saying it's so powerful. The result of it.

It's like nothing else out there.

No, it is. There is nothing else like it out there.

If it doesn't work, let us know. We'll give you your money back.

Absolutely. I just. I think it's a very powerful thing. You should look into it, try it.

Out, and go to marriagekitchen.com but thanks so much for hanging out with us. On Marriage Monday. We love you. We got your back. We know you're going to have a rock star marriage. And even if you already have one, it's gonna be even more awesome. We love you so much.

See you next week.

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