Marriage Monday: The Short End Of The Stick

Welcome back to Marriage Monday. And it's Hannah. And I am doing this all by myself. Which reminds me, I got a question for you. What happens in a marriage when you always feel like you get the short end of the stick?

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We're not average. I'm Hannah Keeley, and I'm going to spill our secrets and answer your questions right now in that mom show.

All right, so today I'm flying solo, y', all, walking the dog all by myself. And this is. We're going to talk about those moments and maybe that whole perspective when you feel like you got the short end of the stick, like you're pulling more weight in the relationship than your partner. And I. By no means. First of all, let's just get out of the gate by understanding. I have. I do not think that I got the short end of the stick. It's funny because honestly, I'm looking at Fitz and he's carrying a at least a five and a half foot long stick that he just grabbed out of our yard down. Down the road. No, no. Come on, Fitz. Come on. Leave the stick. Leave the stick. Thank you, Fitz, for always giving me a visual demonstration of whatever I'm talking about. So now he's not chewing on the stick. He's trying to chew on the leash. Okay, back to it. So I don't think I got the short end of the stick. I think today I'm picking up slack because what happened was Blair has to do a video shoot and he's gone. Like he had to leave early this morning, and. And he's been working late hours and he had to work over the weekend when I did not have to work over the weekend. So. But. But since I'm doing it by myself, I was thinking, you know, there are a lot of women out there who feel. Feel like they're doing it by themselves, that they are running everything by themselves. And just got a couple of comments in yesterday from women who are like, you know, my husband just comes home and lays around and doesn't engage and doesn't help me with the house and doesn't, you know, help me out with the kids. And I feel like I'm doing everything. And I got you. You feel like you got the short end of the stick, as if the stick is your marriage and you're stuck with the worst job with the Most work. And you don't understand why he's not engaging how long you had to put up with it. You feel resentful, you feel bitter. And I'm going to tell you right now, none of those feelings are going to put you into a positive state at all. They're going to cripple you emotionally so that everything you put your time and effort into, your home, your marriage, your children, yourself, your spiritual walk, everything you put yourself into is going to suffer because of it. Because every single promise of God, and he promises us so much, but every single promise of God hangs on the law of love. That means if we don't operate in love, we can't access that favor, that grace that God so willingly wants to pour into our lives. He wants you to be healthy emotionally, financially, physically. And he has ways to. To make that happen in your life. But when you carry around bitterness and frustration, he can't do that because all of his promises hang on the law of love. That means without love, nothing can happen. That's why it's the greatest. It's the greatest commandment, it's the most powerful action you can do, is to operate in total love. Now, you're not operating in love. When you carry this feeling as if you are pulling. You're doing all the work, you're pulling the heavy load. But what do you do when you feel like you get the short end of the stick? You get rid of the stick. Because honestly, there is no stick. By saying you have the short end of the stick, you're saying that there's an agreement that you have that each one of you will give 50% and meet in the middle. And that's a lie. You don't do that. A marriage is headed for ruin. If you think that you give 50%, you give everything. Whether or not you feel that your partner is. You give everything. That's what a marriage is. And that's what makes this. Come on. Come on. And that's what makes it successful, is you give everything. And you. I think about it this way. For example, I'm recording this by myself because, you know, Blair, my husband had to work a lot of hours and he had to head off before we had a chance to record this. So I could be frustrated. Man. We made an agreement that we would do marriage Mondays together. I'm so angry about that. I have to do this. I could get caught in this emotional spiral where I'm holding a grudge. I'm frustrated, I'm bitter. Now, let me ask you, could I bring you anything positive? Any help? Could I add anything to your life if I was operating out of that? Ain't no way, sister. Ain't no way. I could not bring you anything positive because I've stepped out of love. Marriage is based on the law of love. That means there's. You don't keep score. Love does not keep score. Love simply loves. Love is a verb, and it's always active. And you don't hold resentment, and you don't hold bitterness. And I think about it this way. If I were single, would I be doing this? I would probably be recording a podcast. It may not be a marriage Monday, but I would be doing this. Would I be taking the dog on a walk? Yes. Would I be cleaning up the house? Yes. I would be working my tail off just like I worked my tail off right now. So why do I think that because I'm married that I have to have someone come in and help me with this work? Work. That would be great, but it's not a given. Okay? It would be great, but it's not a given. So we have to understand how to operate in gratitude.

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It'd be great, but it's not a given. See, marriage is not a relationship to help you share the workload, which is what most people think it is. Most people think, okay, I'm married, so I got an extra pair of hands around here. No, you hire a personal assistant, baby, if that's what you want. Marriage is a union that gives you someone to love. Okay? And if. And if it shares a workload, which it should do, and if it multiplies your power, which it should do, awesome. But marriage gives you someone to love. He's there, she's there, your partner's there to give you someone to love. It's like, here I am, walking Fitz. I'm not expecting. I know this is a pet, okay? But I'm not expecting Fitz when we get home to help me make unload the dishwasher and to help me make breakfast, fits exist. So I have a dog to love. That's it. And when you get into that perspective of, you know what, my partner's here, so I have someone to love, you can let go of the expectations, even though they may be reasonable expectations, you can let go of those expectations and you can fall back by operating in the law of love. Fall back into love. I'm not saying fall in love, because the reason most couples fall out of love is they fell out of skill. I don't believe there's such a thing as falling out of love. I believe you just fell out of skill, fell out of investing in your relationship. But you can fall back into the law of love, fall back into operating in love, let go the expectations, let go of the bitterness, and rest in this idea that he or she is there for you to love. Period. End of story. But here's where the miracle happens. This is the craziest thing. When you just let go of the expectations and drop the stick that you feel like you have the short end of, when you just drop the stick, all of a sudden, your partner starts to invest more, your partner starts to respond, bond more. It's like when you let go of trying to change your partner, all of a sudden you give God permission to do it for you, and he. He can change people. You cannot change people. That is not your power. You can't do it. But God has a way of molding circumstances and reaching into hearts where you don't have. You're not privy to. You can't do that. But when you let go of your expectations and just operate in love and just cherish the time that you have with that person without hovering, letting bitterness hover over you and ruin that time you have together, your partner will respond. So stop trying to validate what your partner does and what you do and how you do more and your partner does less, and it's got to be equal. And stop. That's what we do in the playground when we're in the second grade. We're grown women, we're grown men, and we can operate with that level of maturity where we're not phased by what we have to do, but we're moved by what we believe. And when you believe this person is here to allow me to express my love changes everything. So I know sometimes you may feel like you have the short end of the stick, but you're in charge of your feelings. They are your feelings. So take authority over them and maybe think a better thought, because all feelings are based on a thought. So evidently, if you feel bitter and resentful and frustrated, then go back to that thought that you were holding and it was probably this. I got the short end of the stick. It's your thought and you can let go of that. Think a better thought. My partner is here for me to love and I'm going to love in all the fullness of God. That's going to be the game changer, baby. Thanks so much for hanging out with me on this marriage Monday. I'm sure Blair will be back for the next one. I love you. Talk to you later. Bye Bye.

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