Marriage Monday: When you Have To Be Apart

Alright, welcome back to Another Marriage Monday. Now, Blair and I are always helping you with how to handle your marriage, how to make your marriage amazing and exceptional when you're together. But what do you do on your part? That's what we're going to talk about in today's episode. Here's the big question. How are these average everyday moms getting radical results in their lives? How are they able to transform their health, money, family, families, homes, and have fun doing it? The trick? We're not average. I'm Hannah Keeley and I'm going to spill our secrets and answer your questions right now in that mom show. All right, so we just came. No, we're in the middle of traveling.

A travel buzzsaw.

A travel buzzsaw?

Yes. We don't usually do a lot of business travel or ministry travel or anything like that.

Did you say mystery travel.

Or mystery travel?

Like, what is this mystery travel here?

Mystery travel is fun. I'm not telling you where we're going.

Yeah, you know what you need to do that one day? Just pack my bag and just take me on a mystery travel.

Except I'll have to get one of our kids to help find the destination so that you're happy because I would go to only places that are like freezing cold.

Well, there you know me. So you can do the mystery travel. Oh, okay.

That's not what we're talking about.

That's not what we're talking about. But I think there is going to be a podcast episode on a mystery travel adventure. I just see that happening. But we used to usually don't travel that much, but this one, it's been insane. We've been. Well, first of all, we did some international travel and ministry travel together as a family. But then right on the, like, almost the next day we got back, I was off to a conference where I was speaking for several days and then I got back, what, two days ago. Two days ago. And now he's leaving, ready to go.

Off for another week for business.

For almost an entire week to do a filming project. And we're just like, what is happening here? Like that normally is not our life. We try to orchestrate our life, design it in such a way that we have more time together.

Oh, yeah. And add to that, I forgot I was gone to. I was in another city for a conference with Corbin. Before we even went.

Oh, yeah. Before we even went. Like, we haven't.

Yeah. The last month and a half have just been.

It's been constant travel.

Yeah, constant travel.

So whether or not you travel as a couple, whether, you know, you may travel a lot, your husband may travel a lot. I'm just saying you. Your husband. I mean, the husbands listen, too. So your husbands may travel a lot, the wives may travel a lot, but there are times you have to be apart. You know, we're fortunate. We designed our life so we're together a lot. But for a lot of people, like, say someone's serving overseas, like they're in the military, and you have time. Time apart. A lot of. A lot of time apart, my heart goes out. My heart just goes out to you or, you know, another person's sales, and they're traveling a lot. So what do you do? So we have three points that we want to share with you today about what we've designed to make the times that we have to be apart not just tolerable, but to help really foster our relationship and make it even better.

We've often talked about how it's important to. To practice different kinds of techniques and different kinds of tips that do help in situations that are uncommon or at least potentially painful. So one of the things I think we want to really stress. I guess the first point is the need pre travel and during travel for constant communication.

Right?

Constant communication.

Right. And that's something we do constantly. Like when we're apart, we're always touching base several times a day.

Right.

Just, you know, even if it's just sending a sweet, sexy text or something like that, but we're always communicating. But if you hear geese in the background, we're sitting outside on the back porch, so we're on a lake. But one thing I do want to tell you about that constant communication. I don't think it's so much Blair deals with this, but this is something I have had to deal with, and I think it may be more of a woman thing is sometimes when I have to travel or when he's traveling and I'm at home, the communication, I. There's always a tendency for it to be needy on my part and not so much. You like you. You. Not really. But I know for me, that need, that constant, like, needy, you know, I'm doing all this stuff at home, and this is so hard, and I don't know what to do. And. And did you. Did you manage to do this before you left? You know, that. That need. Because what. Man, these geese are loud. But what that's covering up, I believe it's not that I need his physical presence to make my life better, but what's happening is I'M subconsciously communicating to him that I'm dissatisfied with my position, that you, I think you should be here. I think we're not partnering equally. Like, that's, I mean, I hate even admitting that. Like, that's, that takes some awareness to admit that. But, but when you're approaching that communication with this need, what you're saying is, you know what? I have a little bit of hostility, maybe I have a little bit of bitterness. I am frustrated about this situation and it's unfair. And that's, that's like, kind of like that, you know, immature, that emotional immaturity that you really have to check and say, I'm not going to approach this communication with any need other than I need you to feel safe and confident in the fact that our relationship is secure.

I mean, I don't, I don't think it's only a woman thing. I mean, I specifically, in certain instances when you are traveling for business or visiting family or something like that, there are times when I will have that sort of needy feeling as well. You are the five star chef of this family. And I can cook a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That's about it. So when it comes to.

Remember that time when I was traveling and you tried to make pizza and.

Set the oven on fire.

Oven on fire.

But the point is that in instances after three days of a five day trip that you may be on and I'm at home, I'm sitting here going, guys, I don't want to continue spending dollars or money going out to eat and all that kind of stuff. And I would talk to you about what do I do for dinner. I don't know how to make lasagna. I don't know how to make it.

But that's also something with preparation that it can be like, all right, there's.

That's my point. That's my point is that you can get really good even if you are on a regular travel basis.

Wait, wait, let me say something really quick. We talk about communication. We're helping you in two different ways. I talk about the psychological, the emotional side of communication. And Blair is the practical, total pragmatic. He's going to be practical.

I always give solutions before perhaps. Well, anyways. But yeah, as far as constant communication, it begins before the trip starts, right? It starts days before when you start talking about, all right, for this period of time, this is what's going to be going on at the house. And these are the things that are going to change and that we need to plan for. So that the person that may be away can participate in the parenting or the relationship side of things before they go to take care of things.

Like, I can make sure there were.

Easy recipes that there's easy recipes to make. Right. Or there's.

Because it does help lessen the stress of being apart.

Absolutely. Right. You know, delivering kids to school or to lessons or to practice and all that kind of stuff. When you're a team, that's one thing. When you're by yourself, you have to reconfigure your entire day. Even if it's only for a couple hours a day, everything gets reconfigured. So planning that, communicating about that before you actually get going is really important. And it's not something that always is easy every single trip because there's different instances, different things that are going on during a period of time that you're traveling. Also a note, you made it earlier. There are a lot of people that, for example, military or government that may travel for long periods of time. Right. So that what. And in some instances, especially military, there are times when you can't. You can't be in verbal contact for a long period of time, but there are still means by which you can communicate, if it is by letter, if it is by email or, you know, we have had family that have been in those situations, in combat situations in the past that, you know, they aren't open to phone calls, they aren't open to Facebook or facetimes or anything like that, social media. So you have to resort to old means of communication. But keep it up, keep the communication going because it's important.

Let's move on to the second thing that's really important because I think we need to camp out there and I don't want to run out of time. So this second thing we were discussing is when you're faced with travel, get to the why. Hey, mama. We'll get right back to the podcast, but did you know there is an entire online university just for moms? If you're ready to get radical results in your life, just go to mommastery.com that's M O M M A S T E R-Y dot com. Make sure you check it out and take your free quiz again. That's mommastery.com M O M M A S T-E-R-Y.com now back to the podcast and what we mean by that is sometimes you have to step back and assess, why am I traveling? And is this in line with. With my purpose for this family and for My life. Is this in line with my purpose? Because I'll get caught up sometimes in that. Like, it's very flattering to be asked to speak or something like that. And I really have to stop and assess. Is this in line with my purpose here?

Right. You are. You. You are in a. I mean, you've built a company and a ministry that has demanded time away from the family. And we could have let that spin out of control to the point where you're gone, you know, three weekends or, you know, three weekends a month or 20 days a month, they could easily spin into that kind of world. And there are people that. That's. That's totally cool, you know, and that's their world.

It's not a judgment thing. Like, there are women who are speaking, some of my very closest friends speaking two or three times a week in different states, and God bless them, like, that is in line with their purpose.

That's exactly.

That's what the family has decided is their purpose.

We found that that wasn't necessarily our purpose. That wasn't where we needed to be, and it wasn't from a needy standpoint. It was actually prayerfully considered. And we are constantly talking about this. And our lives evolve. Especially, you know, now that we have older kids, our travel is a little bit more free because we have the time to do it. When we had younger kids years ago.

When I was kidding, getting invitations, I had to really assess. Is this in line with my purpose?

You were even getting opportunities on today's show, and Rachael Ray, like, that all.

Came to a screeching hall because we.

Were like, that's just. It's not working for us, but it.

Can be perfect for someone else. For me, I had to decide that this person's life doesn't have to look like my life. Like, I have the ability to create the life that I desire for myself. It doesn't have to look like somebody else's.

Now, one of the things that is really important, that is very dear to our heart because we're watching this actually materialize inside of our family right now with some family members, is just what you said getting to the why? Why am I doing this? Why am I going after this particular career? Or why do I do this kind of travel a lot? There are people that are in certain fields that have to travel four days a week, five days a week. Get to the why. Why are you doing that? What is the reason why you're doing that? If it is chasing a paycheck, if it is chasing a Monthly paycheck. Well, that's just my career. That's just what I've got to do. You might want to sit down with your spouse and seriously reassess what that's doing to the family, you know, and if it's getting you to a goal, if it's getting you to a place, if it's in line, that works. If it doesn't, you got to make some changes. You know, we have a family member, a child in our family right now that has taken a new position with a great company, and the job looks like a really cool job. Excuse me. But he's not feeling right now. It's in line with his goals and that, you know, he's going to spend time away from where he wants to be and doing the things that he wants to do on the road a little bit, and it isn't in perfect alignment with his. His career goals. Right.

So think about that is if you do, like, get to the why and you're like, I really don't think this is in line with my purpose. This is not making. This is not empowering to me. It's not making me a better person for the people I love the most. You have to also realize there's. That's. That's cool. Yeah, you can just change it. Like, you don't have to, like, oh, man, I. I'm all screwed up or something. Like, like when I was traveling, I just had to assess, like, is this right? And then I could say, you know, I have the power to change it.

Yeah.

So it's. That's a very, very empowering thing when you do get to the why and realize that you have the power to create what you want to create, right?

Absolutely. Absolutely.

And that, and also ego, I think, will make us say yes to things that aren't in line and make us operate out of integrity. Because, like, you'll get invited to, like, these amazing, like, you know, super cool conferences in LA and backstage passes and things like.

And.

And you don't make ego decisions. You're like, no, that's okay. Give my ticket to somebody else.

It's tough for me. I would, you know, in many instances, love to be flying somewhere than anything. I love travel.

That was so much fun.

I like going to weird places. I like going to. But we do have to stop and assess. Is that the right thing? I mean, there was a good.

And there's always a chapter. There's always a chapter.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It may not be the right chapter.

It was a long chapter. I Mean, There was a 15 year chapter in our life where travel was.

Not the one that was not shut it down.

Right. And occasionally it would happen, but. But shut it down for the, for the most part. And now we're in a different position where different kinds of travel are great.

And as kids get older and you've.

Yeah. But making sure we're understanding why we're doing it. Is it for pleasure? Is it to further a ministry goal? Is it to further a business goal? Those are the things that are most important because you can get hung up. We have family friends that, you know, one of the spouses does a lot of travel during the week and we ask, well, is that, you know, is that what you want to do? And we're like, well, no, not really. I'm just sort of, you know, this is the best job, you know, a lot of money or paying decent money or whatever. And we're like, I can't possibly fathom.

But don't ever feel like you're stuck.

Right. You're not stuck. You can, you can find. There's other stuff. There's other stuff that you can do if you don't want to be on the road all the time.

Yeah. And God will open up doors for you if you can have the guts to make the hard decisions. Absolutely. Okay, the last one. Number three. Yeah. Celebrate being back together.

I love that part. I love when you come home. I love when I come home.

And sometimes our celebrating does not look like another person celebrating. Like it was just, let's sit down and watch a movie.

Yeah. Yeah.

We, you know, blankets all over and just.

That's, that's. That may be one thing.

Right.

Or it may be, you know, and again, this goes back to communication. Be planful of it before you leave or while you're gone. Be thinking of things that you can do. Go. I mean, it could be a simple date night. It could be a date night at home. It could be, you know, babysitters take the kids and you guys hang out and have a romantic evening. It could be. Go see a movie. It could be anything. One of the things I love, I love, and I do this even when I'm not traveling, but I love going and picking up some flowers just to bring to Hannah to, you know, make her feel bright and, you know, brighten up the kitchen or wherever we put them. And it's not a. It's not, you know, having to be super planful about it. I can be picking up milk and butter at the grocery store and I'm like, wow, there's some pretty flowers.

And it made me think, he's thinking of me.

Right. I love doing it just especially on non holidays and all that kind of stuff. Just because the person at the checkout is always like, ooh, somebody's got a birthday. Nope. Well, is anniversary. Nope. Well, what's going on? I'm like, nothing. I just love my wife, that's all. And that kind of stuff is really fun. But being planful about those kinds of moments really makes the end of a travel session or a trip or whatever a lot of fun for everybody. It makes it.

And you have to make that intentional. It's not just like, okay, we're back at home, or, okay, I'm back, let me go unpack. It's intentional. You celebrate being back together, Right.

You feel good coming home. You feel good having your spouse come home.

It is going to be on tonight because we've been apart. That's important.

But I'm just saying, I mean, there should be.

There should be a celebrated intimacy when you get back together. It should be.

It's absolutely. Yeah, absolutely should. And. And it should be, you know, you should be thinking about that and using that, especially in those times of travel. That is a goal. That is a checkpoint that will. That helps you move through. You know, again, we have your legs. Yeah. We like. We like men. We like to go see. Well, some men shave their legs. I don't know.

Swimmers.

Yeah. But making, Making the, you know, whatever the event is, you know, if it is simply being together and watching a movie on television or going out to dinner or going on a walk or whatever it is, but make the event a special thing. And that really helps. Even if travel is regular. Even if travel is a normal.

Yeah. Don't fall into a pattern while you're home.

Great. You know, take the kids to soccer practice.

Yeah. Make it very intentional that. You know what? I'm gonna celebrate this because you are so important to me and I am so important to you, and we're together and this is your most important relationship. It's more important than your relationship with the kids. Well, not more important than your relationship with God. That's number one. But it goes. God, your spouse, your children, your work. You get any of that screwed up and you're. Yeah. Things get really messed up. So celebrate that. Like this relationship is next to God.

Yes.

So celebrate that and make it intentional and design it so that you are looking forward to getting back together. Right?

Absolutely.

And that's how we handle travel.

Yes, we do. So I'll see you next week, honey.

I hope this blesses you. We'll see you next time. Are you ready to get radical results in your life? I can give you the jumpstart you need for massive success as a mom. In fact, I've got that mom show starter kit right here with your name on it girl. And I want to give it to you absolutely free. Just go to thatmomshow.com or text the word kit k I t to 345345. That's the word kit to 345. That mom show starter kit comes with my best selling time management program for moms. Squeeze the day, my guided faith based master mom meditation and a printable copy of the Master mom manifesto. Print that baby out. Say it every day. Just watch what happens. That mom show starter kit is valued at over $300 but I want you to have it for free. Just go to thatmomshow.com or text the word cat kit. That's kit to 345345. Again, text kit to 345345. I'll talk with you later.

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