Problem Child: Part 1

So do you have a problem child? We're just going to talk straight talk today because sometimes we have that kid, you know that kid I'm talking about, the one that just makes you feel like you're being punished for something you may have done when you were a kid. You know, it can show up in so many different ways. We're actually going to talk about eight different ways that problem child can show up. But also we're going to take it from a deeper perspective. Yes, I'm definitely going to help you know how to handle that problem because there's no problem child. There just might be a child with some problems. But I'm also going to help you take it a step further. See, sometimes our child is showing problems and they're actually revealing to us what our problem is. I've always believed that children are the best mirrors we could ever have. So we're going to be able to help respond to whatever that problem is in your child, but also how to resolve whatever the issue could be in you. Welcome to Mom Mastery University. The education every mom should have had but didn't. I'm Hannah Keeley, America's number one mom coach and class is now in session. Welcome to part one of the problem. I'm Hannah Keeley. I'm going to be your coach throughout this entire series and we're going to talk about different problems and how they manifest in our children. Because I don't believe there's any problem child. There's just a child with some problems. And we're going to go deeper into that from a, from a perspective of healing yourself while you help respond to that issue that could be in your child. So let's go ahead and adopt the idea that maybe it's not a problem child. Maybe this child is here to show me something about myself. You know, I've said it before, children are the best mirrors a mom could ever have. And sometimes when a child is revealing something in their life, maybe they're struggling with something, maybe they have a fiery temper, maybe they, they're a chronic complaint, or maybe they cling to you. Whatever that issue is, usually they're showing you something that's unresolved in yourself self. So we're going to take it from that perspective. We're going to go deeper because you know how we do things inside Mom Master University. Right. We always go deeper. We go higher, we take it further. And so that's what we're going to do inside the entire series here. It's not just to help you deal with that child and help that child resolve the problem and move beyond it, but also how to deal with whatever could be left behind and your mindset that you haven't resolved since you were a child. So we're going to dive right in. And the first thing I want to share with you is this. Actually, it's a poem and I want to. You actually have the download right there in your workbook that you can print and put up in your home. But I remember as a child, this was a framed. This poem was in a frame and it was posted in our living room. And I remember seeing it as I grew up. And it's called Children Learn what they Live. Now you have that in your workbook, but I want to share this with you. It says, if children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy. If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient. If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate. If children live with acceptance, they learn to love. If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves. If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness. If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and others. And if children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live. I remember reading this as a child, and of course, my mind, I'm like, oh, that's really beautiful. I think my parents criticized me the other day. I think they were a little hostile. I think, of course, we always tend to find the worst things right? No matter what we look at, we always go like the worst case scenario or the worst outlook. And I remember thinking, okay, parents, you better make sure I have security and you better accept me. And you better prove with me, you better. You better praise me. And they did. I have wonderful parents. I'm so grateful for them. But children do learn what they live. Children are mirrors. And they often show you, usually what you don't want to see in yourself. So we're really going to dive deep into this and I want to show you something. First of all, before we even tackle the problems that are in our children that could be unresolved within ourselves, I'm going to share with you this thing I call the problem prior to principle. And it's this. A problem always exists simultaneously with a solution. So think about that. If there's a problem in your life, then there is also a solution present that is based upon the law of polarity, that wherever there is equal capacity for bad, there's also equal capacity for good. And we're gonna, we're gonna like, launch from that, that law of polarity to grab hold of this problem principle. And I want this, not just with your children, but every area of your life. I want you to have this perspective that if there's a problem, there's a solution somewhere. Now, my job now, you would probably think, is to find that solution. But I want to make it go a little further. Mom Master university style. My challenge now is to hear from God so he can reveal the solution. Okay? So if there is a problem in my life, if there's a problem with one of my children, if there's a problem in my marriage and my finances, whatever that looks like, it must exist simultaneously with a solution. Now I'm going to pray and lean in and practice the presence of God, and I will hear from him and he will reveal to me where that solution lies. Then I'm going to just leverage it and operate with this solution. Now the problem will no longer exist. But guess what exists next? A different problem, maybe even a more challenging problem. See, our. Our goal is not to live problem free. Our goal is to solve bigger and bigger problems because we have the power of God working within us. That's the goal. So what are we going to do with this? First of all, we're going to adopt this idea that my children are not problems. So we're not going to have problem children. We're going to have children that just like us have problems. And because we're the parent and we're the mom, we're going to learn how to lean into the solution and listen to God so he can reveal it and we can leverage it. Got it? That's the problem principle, and we're going to agree to that right now. But as we move through there, there are four important things I want you to remember. The first one, as we start to go into this area of our children's problems and what they reveal about us and how to solve them is four important things we're going to keep in mind. Number one, avoid labels. Words have creative power. There's life or death in the power of the tongue, right? So. So words have very creative power. So we're going to leverage that power and avoid negative labels like a problem child or my child's shy, or they're just, they're moody or they're temperamental or whatever you want to put in there. We're just going to. We're no longer going to prescribe to that because your words have power. You are creating with your words every single time you utter them. So we're going to. Now, instead of using this power for evil, we're going to use it for good, right? The power of life and death. Instead of using it for death, we're going to use it for life. And I want you to start adopting labels over your children that are more positive, more encouraging, allow for growth. Instead of being a. A temperamental or moody child, maybe they're more introspective. See, it's all in how we use our words that will empower not just us as parents, but also our children. Now, the second thing I want you to remember is realize nothing is permanent, okay? Your child could be like man. Ever since they came out of the womb, Hannah, they have been so clingy. Nothing's permanent, okay? Everything is subject to change. It's just the way it is right now. So sometimes our children will. Will show up with certain characteristics, and we're like, oh, I don't. I don't like that. That's very worldly. It's very. It's very. It's not godly. It's. It's. It's showing up as, you know, that's a very negative characteristic in you. So we're going to realize some when that happens. It's just right now, and it may be revealing something that we can leverage for the improvement of our own life, for the. For our own development, okay? So nothing's permanent. It's just how this child is right now. Now, the third thing is kick out condemnation. I will never forget one time, one of my children, he was. He was having a hard time. He was struggling with something, and I didn't like the way he was behaving. I didn't like how he was responding. I didn't like how he was acting. I thought it was. It was. It was not godly. And I was really upset about this. I remember I was praying, and I just felt like a bad mom. I just felt like I had failed somehow and I had done a bad job in this area, and I was just heaping condemnation on myself. I don't know if you've ever done that as a mom, but it's so easy to get into the bad mom syndrome. And yes, you know, no matter how much personal development I've done you, it still pops up, right? And I was going through this bad mom syndrome. What did I do wrong? Right? And I'll Never forget. I heard the voice of God so clearly, and he said, hannah, I. I have some bad kids, but I'm not a bad father. And when he told me that, it was like just this condemnation just lifted off of me. And I was so grateful for that because. Not that I believe he's a bad kid or that any of us, you know, are bad people. God was just explaining to me, I have, you know, my kids. I give them freedom to show up really good and really bad. That doesn't mean I'm a bad father, but it still might mean I have some more work to do. Okay? So get over this bad mom syndrome. You're not a bad mom. It's just merely something that has shown up, and we're gonna move through it. We're gonna do some work together. Now, the last thing. This is number four. I want you to understand what we do not terminate. We replicate. This is something that I have, like, believed forever or as long as I've been alive or as long as I've done some growth, that if it doesn't stop with me, it will continue through me. So sometimes our children will reveal problems in their lives that are there to show us where we need to do the work. And if it doesn't stop with us, it will continue through us. So we have to take measure that if there are generational curses, if there are things that have passed down, if there are bad mindsets or. Or tempers or scarcity or any of the things that we could have learned through the years, we can either pass that down to our children or we can terminate it right now in our lives so it stops with us. I always think, you know, what if something negative ran in my family? It ran in my family till it ran into me. And when it ran into me and ran into the spirit of God in me, and that's stronger than any curse. So I want you to think my children might be showing me through their current behaviors what I have not stopped. And if it doesn't stop now, it will continue. So whatever I do not terminate, what do I do? I replicate it. My children. So I, like, hold this idea that. That they're there to reveal to me where I need to do some work. I can do this. I'm not a bad mom. And I have the power of God working through me to stop whatever is. Has a tendency to be passed down to my children. Are we good there? We're good. Those four things I want you to remember. And now what we're going to do is we're going to dive in to the eight different problems that your children could have. Now, most moms will immediately, when you have a problem, show up with one of your children. We automatically turn to Google or our friends or even like your sisters inside MMU say, what do I do? What do I do about this? And there's a million solutions. There's some really good strategies. There's some good tactics. I'm not one to come down on strategy. I love strategy. However, we do things different inside Mom Master Universe. We always go to the thought before we go to the action. So instead of asking, what do I do? We will always get better answers when we ask better questions. So the question might be, what must I believe? Instead of what do I do? What must I believe? We always go to the belief first. That's the faith formula. If you've been through Covenant Coach Academy, you already know this like the back of your hand, okay? Whatever we think becomes how we feel, and what we feel shows up in what we do. And what we do always results in what we have. So if we're going to have better kids with less problems, we've got to go all the way back to the thoughts that I hold around those children and around those problems, okay? So we're going to ask better questions throughout this entire series and we're going to get better results. Now, number one, the first problem child is the Klingon. No, I, I'm not talking about the Star Trek character, okay? Not, not that type of Klingon. The child that clings to you, okay? They're always clinging. They need to be near you. A lot of times they have separation anxiety which shows up. They have to constantly be close to you. Now, often this comes from a fear of rejection. So first of all, we have to look at ourselves. Am I anyhow? And now it doesn't mean you are rejecting your child. This could be actually something coming from you as far as things you haven't resolved. But this fear of rejection. Have I provided a very secure environment for my child? Do they ever have a fear, a, a logical fear of rejection? Could they feel rejection? Have they been let down and disappointed and rejected before by people? Is that something that occurs in their life? Now, I want to ask you about that too, because if it occurred in your life, there's a chance you could be passing it down to your child. So did you as a mom go through rejection? Did you ever feel like you did not have a stable or secure environment? Did you grow up with potential rejection and people not accepting you did you have enough love and support as a child? Now, if the answer is no to any of that, you could be having some unhealed areas in your heart that are now showing up in your children, because, like I said, children are a mom's best mirror. So it could be showing up in your children. So we're going to talk about each one of these problems, where they come from, and we're going to talk about, number one, how do we respond to our child? And number two, how do we resolve it in us? So, first of all, how do we respond to our child? If our child is the Klingon, how do we respond? Well, remember, a Klingon usually comes from a fear of insecurity and a fear of rejection. So, number one, we do not reject. We allow them to cling. I know it seems counterintuitive. No, I need to let them, like, like, have their own space or. Or get away from me or be more confident by themselves. No, confidence does not come from being forced in that position. Confidence comes from knowing that they are accepted. So the number one thing we have to do is I call it allowing nearness. Allow them to be. Not that they have to cling to you, but sometimes parents are like, you can either cling to me or just be away from me. Okay, no, stay in the classroom. I'm not going to be there. Stay in the classroom. It's almost like you're either away from me or you're clinging to me. Allow nearness. If a child has separation anxiety, maybe you can practice nearness. Maybe you can, for example, if it's a babysitter or a church class or something, be a part of the class, but be with other children so they know, okay, she's near, but she doesn't have to be directly in contact with me. So practice nearness. As your child learns to feel secure in where they are, whether they're in close proximity to you or not. So allow nearness. Practice nearness. And it may be. Allow them to cling for a while until they can develop calm, solid state. And then maybe they can sit next to you or stand next to you. I remember one time I was at a bank and I was sitting there waiting, and I was. I was like, right there, and the teller's right there. And. And I looked down and my daughter was standing there, and I said, do you want me to hold you? And she nodded and I picked up and I was holding her. And I kept on talking with the. With the bane teller. And the bank teller said, I've Never seen a mom do that. It's usually the child's like, hold me, hold me, hold me. But I didn't hear your child say that. You asked if you could hold her, and I was like, that's really cool that you noticed that, because it's something I intentionally do. So they understand that they are safe and secure and there's no fear of rejection that I want to. I desire to hold them like I desire nearness with my child as much as they desire nearness with me. And that allows them to develop more confidence. Now we're going to practice nearness with our children, but also we have to resolve this in ourselves because often it comes from something we have not healed from. So I'm going to give you some questions that I really want you to ponder. And we're going to do this every single week. We're going to do some work throughout this series. So I want you to think, what do I cling to for my security? If I didn't have, like, safety growing up, if I had a fear of rejection growing up, then how does it show up right now for me? What do I cling to for my safety? Do you cling to your husband? Do you get upset if maybe there was an argument and he leaves and it's unresolved and you're like, no, no. I think about it, that fear of rejection comes up, no, I need you near me. Don't reject me. Do you cling to that? Do you cling to financial security? As long as I have this much in the bank, I'm okay, I can breathe. But there are things that we cling to for security. And remember, that's that whatever you cling to for your security becomes your source. Now, we know God is our source, right? But when we cling to something other than that for our source of confidence, security, stability, that shows up as wickedness. The Bible calls it wickedness. Actually, it's sorcery with a little S. Because that became our source. Do you know that's where sorcery came from? Finding a source that is manipulable. It's not a word. Manipula, manipulatable. So that. So that we can develop a solid, confident state when God wants to be that for you. That's why he's your El Shaddai. That's why he has everything you need. And in those periods where we do have insecurity, we will cling to whatever becomes our source. So look at what you cling to, and it's okay if you. If you do cling to your husband or. Or money or maybe your children. Maybe you can't let them go, right? Maybe you have to be a helicopter. You can't let them go because they're your security. You got to make sure they're safe at all times. The reason why I bring this up that is okay, is that God has mercy for us. Like, we're human. And so this is not for you to heap condemnation on yourself and say, oh, I'm screwing up. It's for you to be aware of, wow, I made this my security. God, thank you for revealing that in me. And I'm. And I'm gonna, like, meditate more on you being my source for everything. It's okay to feel the. The anxiety. It's okay to feel the fear a lot of times. And when we have biblical training or spiritual training, it's like, no, you should never be afraid. You should never feel insecure. You should know you should always be confident in God, okay? But we're human, too, and there are times when we don't have confidence, when we do feel insecure, when we do have stress, we do have anxiety. Don't let that lean into, like, shame. Just allow that to be a revelation for you. And that's now where, you know you need to focus and meditate on him being your source. So where do I find my security? Where do I find my safety? How do I manage when something is taken from me? That's the work you have to do in yourself. I want to share this with you. This is Hebrews 6, verses 18 and 19. It says this was so that. That by two unchangeable things. Unchangeable. I talk about security. When the Bible says unchangeable, that is secure. Two unchangeable things. His promise and his oath, in which it is impossible for God to ever prove false or deceive us. We who have fled to him for refuge might have mighty, indwelling strength and strong encouragement to grasp and hold fast the hope appointed. Appointed for us and set before us. Now we have this hope as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul. It cannot slip and it cannot break down under whoever steps out upon it. A hope that reaches farther and enters into the very certainty of the presence within the veil. That's what we're after. We're after that security that is unshakable. Unchangeable, and right there in the presence of God. That's the kind of hope you can stand, step out on. So I want you, if you see this in yourself. This is where you meditate. What is unchangeable? His promise and his oath. What does that mean? His promise is his word, and it is sealed in an oath, which is the covenant made with us through the blood of Jesus. That beats anything, anything you could cling to for your confidence and your support here in the earthly realm. So lean into that, meditate on that, and let that be. Be your source. Now, number two is the volcano. Now, the volcano is that child who is ready to explode at any moment. You just don't know. You just. It's always like this simmering tension, simmering hostility. And you're like, I just want to keep them calm because if they go off, they go off, and it's like a volcano. I don't know if you have a child like that, but. But it's almost like they carry this air of tension. You just have to almost be careful with them. Well, I don't want you to have to be careful with them. So we're going to manage this a different way, okay? But sometimes it feels like you have to because you don't want them to blow their top. You know, you don't want them to get like. Like they may. They may be that kid. It's like they just have a really, really fiery temperature, and you never know when it's going to explode. All right? Often this type of problem, the volcano, it comes from a fear of criticism. Now, I want you to think about it, because I'll say it again. I'm going to say it probably 20 times throughout the series. Children are the best mirrors moms can have. So did you ever grow up if you have a volcano child, did you ever grow up trying to please other people? That simmering energy, right? So here's how it manifests. If I can't please people, then I'll destroy them instead. That's where you get this temper. That's where you get this volcano. So it may be you grew up to be a people pleaser. And. And that criticism. And sometimes enough is never enough. Like, you can't make everyone happy. He can make them happy until you can't make them happy. And then show's over. Like now you blow it and. And you get really irritated. You really get mad. So this attitude is almost like a polarizing. I want to please you, but if I can't, I'll destroy you. Because the idea of not being able to please you is too painful. Ouch. Is that hitting home? It might be. So think about this. How do we respond to this? Child, how do you respond to your volcano? Child? Well, most important thing you can keep in mind here is don't approach the problem when it's a problem. Do not try to handle this situation. Fix the situation, resolve the situation when it's blowing steam all over the place. When the volcano has exploded is not when you want to talk about their temper or why they're acting that way or inflict any punishment. That's not when you want to handle it because they're not accepting it at that moment. They're just operating with all the energy of destruction. That is not the opportune time to bring the discussion about their feelings and why they're doing this. And let's talk about this like, nope, they ain't talking, baby. They are just exploding. So first of all, approach it when it's not a problem. When things are going well, that's when you want to approach the volcano, about the volcano. That's when you want to talk about, how does this feel when, when you get irritated with people or you get mad about situations like, like always have this attitude as a mom, like, I want to talk with you, I want to be that safe space for you. So let's talk about like when you do get mad, when you do get, get really angry at people. How does that feel? What usually is, is the thing going on in your head when it does happen like that. And when it does happen. Well, I mean, talk about this as if you're like really curious. With the volcano, you don't want to say, okay, if this happens again, these are your consequences. You want to say, huh, this is a problem. You want to kind of problem solve with the volcano. This is a problem. Let's think about this. What do we do about this? So it's understandable. Yeah, you have a. You get frustrated, you get angry. Totally. I get angry too. That's, that's fine. But just like the Bible says, it's okay to be angry, but it's not okay what you do in your anger. You don't let your anger cause you to sin. So what we're going to do here with the volcano is talk about it when it's not a problem, and let's come up with solutions on how to manage the anger. So what are some things you can do instead? Problem solve with them. Let them come up with solutions. Now how do we resolve it in ourselves if we're that person that we grew up trying to please others and nothing was ever enough? And so we get, we have this volcano. It's like we're fine until we're not fine. And when we're not fine, the whole house runs to hide because we're frustrated, we're angry, we're exploding. So I want you to ask yourself these questions. Can I be imperfect? Can I allow others to be imperfect? Can I give others freedom? Because remember, what are we giving the freedom to do? Freedom to reject us, freedom to disappoint us, freedom to not come through for us, freedom to not fulfill our expectations. God. God gives us that freedom. So we have to learn to give other people that freedom. And that will simmer down the volcano so it doesn't pass down to your children. And when I share with you, I want to share. Ephesians 4, 26, 27. It says, when angry, do not sin. Do not ever let your wrath or your exasperation, your fury or indignation last until the sun goes down. Leave no such room or foothold for the devil. Give no opportunity to him. The devil wants you to be angry at people because if he can get you operating in resentment, anger, hostility, he's got you right where he wants you. And now you've opened up your life to his destruction. You don't want to do that. Don't give your peace away. It is too expensive. Jesus died for that peace. So when it says, don't let the sun go down, when we sleep with anger and it drives into our subconscious and starts to develop core beliefs, that's where we get hostility, unforgiveness, resentment that, that we just carry with us. And it is. It will rot your bones, it will rot your life, it will destroy you. So we're not even going to let the sun go down. We're not even going to take it to bed ever again. So I want you to think, if there's forgiveness, if I need to forgive other people, it's done right now. If I need other people free, freedom to disappoint me, it's done right now. It says in Romans 12:18, if possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. So how do you live at peace with everyone? You let the volcano simmer down by giving everyone freedom to show up exactly how they are. Now, this is going to be some work, so make sure you don't stop here. Make sure you get inside. Mom Master University, download this workbook. This is a vital resource that you have to have going through this. And we're going to work through each one of these. I promise. It's going to help you transform your life. Get some healing so it stops with you. And also it's going to help you with your amazing non problematic children. I'll see you inside doing the work. That's where we go next. We're gonna do the work. It's a video. I'll walk you through the workbook. But don't stop here. Get inside and do the next part. So what about you, mama? Are you ready to enroll in the only school that will not only change your life, but also your legacy? Go to Mom Mastery University, where we dive deep into the biblical principles that give ordinary moms extraordinary results. Get enrolled today.