Social Media Addiction And Your Family with special guest Teryn Greyson

All right. Do you ever feel like when you get on social media, for some reason time slips away and before you know it, you're overwhelmed, you're kind of exhausted. You may have had a few laughs, but you feel this urgency or this dissatisfaction inside? I don't know about you, but I have felt that so many times. And there's one thing about, like, okay, I'll go on a social media fast, or maybe I need to just give myself a little bit of time and limited. Or there's. There's so many strategies. But what we have to understand is, let's get to the root. Why do we go there? What are we seeking? What's going on? And what are the implications that this whole social media addiction has on our children? If, you know this is getting into your home, getting into you, and getting to your kids, do not go anywhere. Because I have a good friend, Taryn Gregson, and she's written a book that is all about that social media competition that we don't even realize we are so submerged in. And she's all about ministry, all about the home, all about the family. And today she's going to be all over helping us get out of that phone addiction. Taryn, thank you so much for hanging out with me. This is going to be really good because I just, like, I have so many kids, and sometimes I'm looking around and everyone's just sitting together and they're on their phones, and it's like, what is happening here? And I do the same thing.

Absolutely.

Tell me. I know how this all got started for you.

Us as parents, we are just as easily susceptible to the temptations and the traps. And we, you know, try and help and shepherd our. Our. Our teens and our children. And yet, you know, they're learning and seen by what we're doing, too, and obviously what the world is doing around them. So this book began back in 2019. I was a sports broadcaster for the PGA Tour at the time on the national scene. And I was having, you know, content creation was very much a part of my job on social media as well as, you know, being in front of the camera on television. But I had been in the social media realm since its inception. Twitter came about whenever I was in college, and we were. We were told by our. By our professors and our news directors that we had to get on Twitter. And we were like, what is this Twitter thing that you're talking about? So I have been there since the beginning. It's been a part of my. My sports broadcasting career since the Start. And I had these parents coming to me on social media asking me, you know, my teen struggling with this, how do I help them out? And, you know, here I am just pregnant with my first child. I'm like, I don't. I don't have a teenager. I don't have the authority to tell you how to navigate this. And then I was asked to come and speak at my church in their youth group about Jesus being the ultimate influencer in our lives and how you can embody that whenever are on social media, either consuming it or operating on it. And I gave this talk for 45 minutes and I walked away and I said, wow, I just brushed the surface on what we need to be talking about with not only our children, but each other.

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And I walked away and I said, wow, I just brushed the surface on what we need to be talking about with not only our children, but each other. And from there, it just kind of snowballed and it blossomed and it really ignited me to want to write this book. Whenever I started working further with my church's youth group at the time and in Florida, where we were living, and I was seeing what their. Their children, their teens were posting themselves on social media, how these girls were representing themselves on social media, the kind of content that the boys were consuming on social media. And I said, wow, we really do need to look at this. We're all looking at it from a secular worldview. We need to come at this. The only way that we are going to rescue ourselves is by turning to Jesus and, and to the Lord to. To save us from these temptations, because they're really not new, Right? Social media is new. But the temptations, the struggles, the battles that we face are. Have been around all of human history. So by writing this book, we kind of Take a multifaceted approach in that first. And we come at it and we're saying, okay, what are these temptations that we face? How did they come about in the course of human history? How have God's people battled with these? And how has God redeemed his people and saved them from these temptations? And so that gives us hope that we too can, can come out of these struggles and also level with the fact that, yeah, you know, this, these have been age old, age old struggles that everyone has encountered at some point in human history. And so we can kind of level the playing field and, and, and see how our ancestors have also struggled with these things and then go from there to equip ourselves with a new lens, a new faith filter in which we look through, look at social media and then kind of equip ourselves with these biblical tools of okay, how do we apply this to our life? How do we, how do we develop discernment? How do we use the armor of God to get us out of these, these areas that we might, when we slip up and then once we recognize these different areas that we can slip up in, how do we live a new life in Christ and via social media?

Yeah, that's. There's so much there. I think as, as a mom, I'm always looking out for the family, you know, and I see in the home, I see out in public, like we have such an addiction to our phone. Like it's got to be in her hand all the time. As kids are taking it to bed with them, they're waking up with them, they're like, as soon as they're in a place where there's nothing right away that they do, they pull out the phone and like I remember thinking some of the best things are created out of boredom. Like where, where now I can just imagine now I could just think, I can think intentionally. I don't have to be fed material. I can now feed myself with my imagination. And I feel like we are so dumbing down our children by not allowing them. I know this sounds weird to be bored.

Oh no, I think it's, it's paramount that we're bored. Creativity is birth and boredom and not to mention our. How are we supposed to have that intimacy, that living room intimacy and those conversations with the Lord if we are flooding ourselves with noise, right. And that is one of, that is one of the enemies tools, right, is that Satan wants us to be busy. Satan wants us to have all of the noise in our head to drown out those conversations that we can have with the Lord and to listen to the Lord, to just meditate in what the Lord is telling us, where he's directing us. And, you know, that doesn't necessarily mean that when we're sitting there bored on our couch that we're going to hear the voice of the Lord or our children are. It just means that we can marinate in life and where the Holy Spirit is leading you, even without hearing them necessarily. So I think that we have to look at the fact that that noise is one of Satan's tools and it's. It's keeping us from that close relationship with the Lord and also it is preventing us really from resting. Right? We, so many of us say, okay, I'm going to zone out on my phone for a little bit, and that's part of my mental break or my physical break for the day or what have you. But really, you're actually still getting that dopamine hit when you're looking at your phone, which is what you're saying. You know, people don't know how to be bored anymore because they're addicted to getting that. That hit. But we've convinced ourselves that we're resting by just scrolling through social media. And that's really not the case. What, really the Bible commands us to rest, right? God says that we need to rest. He built us to need rest. He himself rested on the seventh day. And so that's another thing that we look at. We unpack Hebrews 4, which kind of takes us through why we're commanded to honor the Sabbath and just rest in general. And, and what that actually looks like from a biblical standpoint by, you know, resting in the Lord and reflecting on what the Bible is saying that we as have. Should be having as our character, how we can, how we can adjust that, how we can confess to the Lord where we're falling short, and therefore how we can receive his mercy for. And his grace for saying, hey, listen, we all fall short. We all succumb to these temptations online. So please, rest in my mercy, rest in my grace. And then that's how you're going to get these big burdens off of your. You talk about how you walk away from social media feeling worse than when you. When you opened it up. And it's because we're not giving ourselves that, that grace and that mercy, and we're not receiving it from the Lord because we're filling up our lives with everything but, but Jesus and meditation and just being. And I think it's really important. I think too, another Thing that we talk about in the book is using our devices and social media as a tool. Right. So the other thing I, you know, I have two. I have two toddlers and a baby. And, you know, we're just getting into that phase on how do we navigate all of this with them and using these as tools. We tell our kids all the time, you know, this isn't a toy. This is a tool. Whether we're talking about, you know, something in the home, like a, like matches or whatever, these, you know, you shouldn't play with matches. This is a tool, not a toy. The same goes for our phones and for social media. So it's inevitable for myself, for example, that I'm going to be on my phone a little bit throughout the day, you know, whether it is with our different ministries that we have, having to. Having to post things on social media or communicate with people. And so, you know, when my parent, my kids ask me, what are you doing, Mommy? I'm telling him, well, I. Right now, I'm using my phone as a tool. I am using it to communicate with our. With our customers, with our clients, with people in need, with our ministry partners. I'm trying to emphasize to them that this is a tool. And, you know, we haven't really allowed them to have screens in their hands. Like, when we go places, we don't do screen time. It's the traditional coloring books and activity books and things like that. But every now and then at quiet time, I will allow my daughter, who's 4, my oldest, to listen on my phone to a children's audiobook. And so that's my first introduction to her of, okay, this is a tool for you. These are good things to fill up your. Your mind and your imagination with good and beautiful and wholesome stories. So my point in telling all of this is that we need to also be careful not to demonize our devices and our phones because they're not going away. We do need to have parameters for our children and not just, you know, shoving a screen in front of them to, to make them quiet at the dinner table or whatnot, but showing them, okay, we can use these as tools for good. These are things that are going to be a part of our lives whether we like it or not. And so let's form a healthy, productive relationship with our devices and with what we are consuming and, and make children understand, you know, what are good things and what are good, wholesome and beautiful things? What are things that are not good, wholesome and beautiful that we shouldn't be Consuming, especially as children get older and go into their teenage years. And we know so many, so many kids are, are suffering from depression as so many children, not just boys, but mainly boys, are falling a prey to pornography and all of these different things. So how do we, we need to step our children through what is a healthy biblical marriage and relationship look like? What does the Bible talk about when it comes to modesty, lust versus love and things like that? So that way they know and they are equipped with what is good and wholesome to when they are encountering these different things on social media. And we're turning to God and his word as the authority for how to look at these, these various, you know, unwholesome things that we encounter and not necessarily demonizing them and being like, well, my mom or my dad doesn't want me to look at this or do this. It's. Well, the, the word of the Lord says this is what's good and beautiful for all of us.

Yeah, I just, you know, as a older mom, I have, I have grandkids, all my kids. I have seven kids. They're in their 30s, 20s, you know, my youngest is 18. But I see so much of a link between anxiety and phone use. Like, and you. And you can look up studies, you can bring all the research in and see that there's a definite link between anxiety and phone use. And early on, like, when, you know, phones became a part of their lives. And I would always focus more on creation than consumption. Like, this is, like you said, this is a great tool. And as a homeschool mom, I'm not going to say, you know, no phone time. None. None at all. No screen time. I am going to say, how are you intentionally going to use it? So, I mean, I'm like any other person. I love to spend 20 minutes scrolling on social media, laughing at all the stupid, you know, the, the reals. And we all do, of course, sharing it with all my sisters and they're like, oh, w. What would I do if Hannah didn't share all these ridiculous dog memes with me? But anyway, so, you know, I love to do it. My kids love to do. We're always sharing videos with each other, but I do focus on there. Everyone's consuming. So we always look at what everyone is doing and think, what would we do that is different, that is more, you know, inclined to where God wants us to be an effective tool in this world, if we're going to be light in this world, if we're going to be salt in this world. How are we going to use it? And so not that everything has to be okay, let me tell you this Bible verse today.

Yes.

But for example, one of my daughters has a huge following on social media. She does all comedy. She's just, she's hilarious. She's. She does, she's a comedic writer. She does stand up. And so all of hers is comedy. You know, a lot of my kids, they use it for, for different reasons, and they post content. But I always love to focus on being more of a creator because that's in line with where God. He created us in his image. He's a creator. So we're creators. So instead of just dumbing down, what if we can, like, add a little bit of a fun to it, add a little bit of creativity, add a little bit of, like, initiative behind it, and use it as a platform. And so I always encourage people, like, if I'm, you know, if they come to me for business coaching or, you know, helping their kids and their family, it's like, don't, like you said, don't demonize the phone. Like, we love our phones, right? They're always on us.

They're not going anywhere.

They are not going anywhere. They're always on us. I'm like, kids, just. You don't have to take into the bathroom. Come on. Like, yeah, come on. Let's, let's, let's, let's just have some limits here. But say, how can I use this to draw people in to my atmosphere? Because once they're there, then I have dominion and power and authority to now expand the kingdom of God. And so whether it's creating fashion, whether it's doing comedy, whether it doesn't always have to be, here's a Jesus message. It could be, let me, like, gain people's attention. And now that I have this platform now, how can I lead them in love? How can I encourage? How can I give them laughter? How? It's like, we are vying for attention. We've got to get more attention. But I think this goes into what you're talking about. The title is the only like that matters is God. So if you're creating content and like, you know, someone was starting, one of my clients starting to create content around her coaching, and she was so frustrated because she only had, like, seven likes. I'm like, that's so interesting that you're frustrated about affecting seven people's lives in a positive way. Like, you know, we get into this weird place where we're now like, okay, that doesn't matter. The one sheep doesn't matter. I want the 99. You know, we're like always measuring how do we get past that and just operate in a way that God is our source, not people, not attention, that God is our source and plant ourselves.

There they are again. I think it's that holistic approach you have to kind of step yourself through. It's a total mind, mindset change. And once you even get to that point, once you unpack, okay, why do I have these feelings? How have God's people battled with these feelings? How has he brought the Israelites out of the battle of comparison and wanting, you know, these earthly kings, when they had God himself as their king, directing them through, you know, into the promised land. And they get there and they say, hey, you know, look at all these other kingdoms. They have earthly kings, we want one too. And then they go through, you know, these cycles of kings that are obviously not worthy and they all have their own faults and, and downfalls. You know, these are age old things that we've. All that God's people have experienced throughout time. So understanding that then being able to understand that God's like is the only thing that matters. Everything that we do should be done for the glory of God. That includes your time on social media, whether it's creativity or consumption or sharing, all of everything that we do should be done for the glory of God. So you know, taking off those layers of comparison, those layers of discontent and putting on the, the garments of, of salvation, putting on the robe of righteousness and understanding that those things are enough and that you don't need the outside world to give you affirmation that really the only like that matters is God's. He gives you all his likes for free. You don't have to earn it. In fact, you cannot earn those likes and, and he gives them all to us for free. So that, that is what you have to come to that realization. And then once you get there is being able to identify when you are tripping up and you aren't applying that to your life. And then I think to the other, the other part is understanding that social media should be your secondary ministry circle should be your secondary. I think it should be a part of your Christian community and your Christian walk, but it should be the outer circle, not your inner circle. The again, the Bible tells us over and over how we need each other, how we need fellowship, how we should be walking alongside one another. We need to be very intentional with again looking at all of this as a tool and as a secondary community. And making sure you still have that foundational community in person around you. And that will also help foster that, you know, that need put away, excuse me, that need for outside affirmation on social media when you feel like you have, you know, a mission in front of you, you have a tangible mission, you can touch these people that you're working with that you're talking to, whether it's inside your home as a family, a mom, a sibling, whether it's that your community, your church community, your, you know, if you're involved in civic activity in your community or neighborhood or in your church, these things are all having a small group that can walk you through these, you know, go do life on life with you. All of these things need to still be at the primary base of it all. You know, I talk about being a soul influencer instead of a social influencer. In the book, we should be wanting, looking to eternity when we are talking about influencing others and not just looking at baseline likes and, and all these things. Because as soon as somebody likes your, your real or your customers real, they're going to move on and look at something else two seconds later. And I know that's hard. I'm a content creator. I understand how much time go in effort and mental energy, not, not even talking about all of the creative energy, but the mental energy and such that goes into these things. And so because it's such a fast paced platform, it's really hot. You're never going to get that sense of gratitude, that sense of accomplishment really, because as soon as you get the amount of likes that you think is good or the amount of followers, you're going to look and see that somebody else. Yeah, it's never going to be enough. Somebody else is always going to have more. Somebody always is going to have, you know, a viral, something that goes viral next. It's never going to be enough. So that's why you have to have that base foundation around you. Because person on person is enough. It is what fills up your cup. It is how you really, truly see the light. And then, then you see your, your community, whether it's the people that you follow on social media, because that is very important. We need to make sure that we're filtering out garbage in, garbage out. Right. If you're, if you're consuming things that aren't good and beautiful, even if you don't believe in those things, it's still going to have an effect on you. And so that secondary circle, making sure you're filtering who you're following and Also making sure that what you're putting out there, like you said, it doesn't have to be Bible verses or anything, but it's, it's strengthening that outer circle of Christian community that you have and it's helping lift up others in their walk and it's helping to lift up yourself in, in the walk and, and making sure that you're equally yoking yourself to others on social media. And like you said, you can be a light to others. You can have a large impact on social media. But I think that we need to work really hard to put that as our secondary and not our, our primary focus because again, that's another concept and another mental thing that really gets in the way of our teens. So many teens see we are, they're bombarded with the, the horrible things that are happening in the world. The headlines. We, we know the bad things happening unlike we ever have in human history, you know, on a worldwide scale. That's not something that humans are built to really digest. And I think teens feel like they have to have such an impact that they should be here changing the world, but they really, none of us have. We're not God. We cannot change the things that are happening on a worldwide scale. God has given us tiny little pieces of his very large puzzle that he's given us dominion over as you were talking about. So we have to really make sure that we go back to focusing on these tiny little pieces of the puzzle that he's given us and these bigger, wider communities on social media, making sure we're keeping those secondary. So it doesn't totally, it doesn't have as big of an impact on us mentally, emotionally as we've allowed it to have.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you were talking about how, I mean, you can go to Amazon and get Terence book. Absolutely. But you were talking about how you have some. A special link that they can go to. We're going to put that in the show notes. But why would they go there?

If you guys go to tarengrakson.com book there are tools that I'm, I'm there. One of the tools that we talk about are memory verse screen savers. So whenever you open up your. Look at your device, well, you can practice a memory verse. Before you open it up, make sure and say the verse to yourself. Store up the God's, God's Word in your heart. Right. And you shall not depart from it. So use these memory verse screensavers. We also, again, I'm talking about community fellowship. I have different resources on there for how to turn this into a small group study or how to bring this into your church or your church library. And so again, it the focus is on people and on how we can come together as a community. So all of these different resources are at that link.

Love it here. And thank you so much for hanging out with me and just helping people pry away from that phone for a little bit and experience real life. We get. We get confused, but it's okay. God's mercy is there and he draws us right back. But the more time we can spend really abiding with God, what I know is you're going to create, create a life that's blessed like crazy. So thank you so much.

Thanks for having me.