Takeover Tuesday: Jackie Dixon

Here's the big how are these average everyday moms getting radical results in their lives? How are they able to transform their health, money, families, homes, and have fun doing it? The trick. We're not average. I'm Hannah Keeley and I'm going to spill our secrets and answer your questions. And right now in that mom show. Okay, awesome. I'm here with Jackie Dixon. I'm so excited. Jackie, thank you so much for being here.

Oh, my gosh, my pleasure. I am so happy to be.

Okay, so the best way I can introduce Jackie is she's a bombshell. Like, there's just who she is. She is incredible. She's a military wife, she's a mom of two, and she still knows how to be super sexy. And we all need more sexy in our life. So thank you so much, Jackie, for hanging out with us and just sharing your immense wisdom and awesome knowledge about all things to do with intimacy and how we can have more of that and what to do if you don't want more of that. All the things. Thank you so much.

My pleasure. I love this topic. Love it, love it.

Yeah, I know you do. Your husband does too.

We will talk about that in a second. Actually, it is shocking how many men are uncomfortable with this. Believe it or not, the bravado is there. The bravado is there. But when you start really talking about the true, sincere, God designed side of sex, a lot of men are just like, so, yeah, that's so funny.

But it's kind of fun making men feel uncomfortable. So it's a blast.

Especially in what we typically stereotypically consider their domain. So, yeah, a lot of inaccurate stereotypes out there.

Okay, good. I can't wait to dig into this. This is gonna be so good. Oh, my gosh. All right, so first share with everyone, like how you, what you do, how that developed in your life. Like, tell us about that.

Yeah, yeah. The shortest version I can give you is when I was growing up, my dad was really into James Bond. He was not a Christian at the time. My mom was Southern Baptist but looked like a James Bond girl. So I had all of these kind of, I don't want to call them messed up, but they were ideas of sex and sexuality and what men wanted and what women were supposed to be. And I didn't really quite get it. And I had a lot of pain and brokenness around it. And I knew and I loved God. But as I started heading toward college and out of college and I wanted to date, I thought maybe I wanted to get married. But then there was, like, I didn't trust men, and sex was dirty, but God said, marriage is good. I was so confused, Hannah. And really what it is is I was so confused, hurt from what I had seen, and I hadn't. I hadn't been through any kind of sexual abuse, you know, anything like that. And so many women who come to me are. But one of the first things I love to tell women who will come to me and say, nothing's happened to me. I don't know why I have these issues around sex is you don't have to have had something happen to you to have issues around sex and this kind of world. So I was just baffled. And my initial thought was, well, I'm just not going to get married. You know, I'm just. I'm not going to have anything to do with men, nothing to do with sex. I'm not going to be known. I'm not going to be vulnerable. Nobody's going to touch me. And I was a total nerd, okay? So everything you see now is something I have learned to do on YouTube. I was just.

Girl, wait, I can't even see that. Like, I can't even.

I should have brought old pictures. I should have brought old pictures. Oh, my gosh.

Okay, I want this picture because I'm gonna put them in the podcast.

Okay, you got it.

You got it.

I was 50 pounds heavier. I had braces twice because I had an extra tooth behind my two front teeth that stuck out when my mouth were closed. I kid you not, okay? Huge cheeks, frizzy hair. Oh, man. I think I wore Velcro shoes straight into middle school. So it was okay.

So we're gonna take a moment and just thank God for YouTube videos right now, because this would not be a video interview. Oh, my gosh.

Amen. Amen, Lord. Yes, thank you. And liquid eyeliner, too. So I was this very quiet girl who was trying to figure out the world. And really at the heart of my pain was sex and men and marriage and mistrust and a lot of hurt. And so I went through college being closed off. Didn't really date after college. Did a little bit of healing. Wasn't even really sure that I was doing it at the time. And finally, I fell into a job at a church that was going through a lawsuit around biblical sexuality, the definition of marriage, and all that kind of stuff. And so way more than most churches were speaking about at the time. They were bringing in and speakers and pastors, and we were reading books and having conferences on sex. And God. And it was not why I was there. I was there to run the young adult ministry, but it was just in my face. All of a sudden. I knew I needed it. So I started plugging into everything that I could. And slowly God started revealing to me that his design for this was vastly better, different, higher, bigger, beyond either what the world was saying or most of the church was saying. And really, when I came into that, I became so passionate because I could see how it fixed almost everything. You know, it adjusted the issues men have, they adjusted the women's issues. And then we came together in this just supernova, and I got it. It was almost like a divine awakening of I got it. And so I became so passionate about that, started speaking at the church, all these women started coming. And then I met my husband and we married. And because he's in the military, moved away. And so at that time, we were only going to be wherever we were. Tampa, I think, for six months wasn't really long enough to get a whole new job. And so I thought, I wonder if I could turn this into, like, a coaching business. And full disclosure, Hannah. As passionate as I was about sex, as I always have been, really, I began with dating, with weight loss, with body edge. I didn't want to jump into the hard stuff. And I didn't get into working on sex issues really, until about two years ago, a little. Almost exactly two years ago, in a major way. I was working with private clients. But finally, God just really stalled out my life and my business. Nothing was wrong, but it was very clear, if you do not obey me and address this in the way that I've called you to, like, I'm going to mess you up, you know, I mean, you need to do what I told you to do. So I stepped into it, and everything exploded. And the number of women we've been able to help is incredible. So, yeah, it's a life work and a passion and an honor.

So good. Well, thank you for sharing that and thank you for following that path, because otherwise so many women would be so confused about intimacy and sexuality and think it's not important. Do you ever? Well, I want to ask you, you're the expert here. Like, what do you see are the biggest problems with sexuality and marriage right now?

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I just did a training on this, actually, about two weeks ago, and I was kind of praying over it, and I think I distilled it into. First of all, there's what we perceive.

To be the issues.

And then there's the actual issues, right? So sometimes when I say the actual issues, people are like, that's not the issue. They think it's the perceived issue. So the perceived issues are body insecurities. A lot of women think that their sex life isn't good because their body's not hot enough. They don't like their body. Whatever, whatever it is. Or men or sex are dirty, Men are animals. Sex is dirty. Like that's the perception. And then honestly, that love can't be trusted. Like the emotional intimacy side is not safe. So what's really going on there underneath the surface is body shame. Because whether or not the woman looks perfect, doesn't look perfect, there's a shame in her physical form that doesn't have to be there. And it's separate from her health, from her state of wellness. There's the shame around sex, these lies around sex and men that we've believed that Satan has spread since the fall, Right. And again, that really. And I think that it's pretty obvious that it's exactly what it already that I said is this fear of deep, emotional, vulnerable intimacy. So I think women say something like, love isn't real. Love can't be trusted. But beneath it is kind of just this fear of being known and feeling like we need to be able to fully, intimately, emotionally trust a man, whereas it's really God behind it. So those are kind of the three. It's the body shame, the sexual lies, and then the trust of love, the trust of true, deep love. And when you put all the sex act brings those three together, right? Plus whatever issues our mom had, whatever our girlfriend said, whatever some guy did to us that we just saw on the tv. So it's like this cesspool of everyone's issues on full display combined with another person's, you know, it's. I think there's so much more going on there, it's almost impossible to distill it. But if I had to, I'd say those three things.

Yeah, well, I want to talk about this body shame because I just see a lot of women. Have you ever looked at a picture of you in the past and said, what? I thought I was fat then, like.

What.

Made my body thin?

I had a wrong side. What?

But it's so funny how we get so consumed with our bodies and it's. And then we realize no one really cares. Like, you get to that place. Like, I definitely go to that place in life. It's like, oh, no one is counting the cellulite bulges. Like, no I'm just going to flaunt it and have that confidence. Because confidence is so sexy.

Yeah, Yeah. I think if women could just understand, I mean, there's an element to which people are attracted to health and well being and if you're taking care of yourself, that will radiate, that will be attractive. But like the fundamental design is that men are attracted to the female body and a sexually awakened woman. And many of us have dampened and deadened that part of ourselves out of fear and hurt. But a sexually awakened woman is attracted to the male body and you know, and the healthier they are, sure, the better, quote, unquote. But that's really just for the sake of flourishing and well being. So, so if we can just recognize like they can't help but find the female form attractive even when it's imperfect. So if you can just like, and I love sending women to museums, honestly to look at the statues and the paintings and it's not your allure airbrushed cover model anymore. It's like it's a more accurate female form and they were just salivating over that at the time. So to start really letting that sink in that you and your imperfect femaleness, that femaleness is so desirable and to let that get in your system rather than just like you're saying, looking at the details, counting all the spots. Yeah. The waste of time.

I mean, I do, I think just confidence in anyone is just, is so appealing and that's, that's, I think where that sexual energy comes from is confidence and in knowing who you are and loving being a woman. And like, I see, can't believe I'm bringing this up, but Lizzo, like, she's, you know, she's recording artists but she, she does not have the typical like ideal frame and she's like, I am so hot, I am so sexy. I will put up filming naked. I will moon an entire auditorium because my butt is. Be like, oh my gosh. But like that confidence. Please don't go listen to Lizzo. I am not recommending Lizzo. Paint me in that. Don't paint that picture. But love the confidence that I don't have to fit into a certain role or a certain body image. I love my body for all that it does and just that feeling of being so grateful for your body and present with your body as it is right now, moving forward to wherever you want it to be. If you want to be healthier, if you want to be more energetic, fine. But love that body now.

Yeah. And I think that one of the things that Christian women have done is internalize this idea that inner beauty is all that matters. And so we've totally shut down our connection of God with our physical body. Like he must not like it. Then my physical body must be dirty, wrong, flawed. And I think that feeds into our own judgment of it. And if we can take our physical selves back to God, remember that the resurrection was a physical resurrection, that the physical body matters. And yes, it will be perfected. And it's not the end all, be all by any means, but it's not throwaway thing. This is an important shell for God's work. So if we can redeem that with him, I think it becomes so much easier to literally redeem our own view of it toward ourselves. Right. Love it ourselves. Recognizing that he loves it. So yeah, I would really encourage women. Don't, don't try to do that connecting that disconnecting thing where God in the spiritual and the good girl and the inner beauty thing is over here. And my physical form, that's always got something wrong with it's over here. He absolutely loves, adores, created that. So let those reintegrate. Let's keep.

That's good. Well, we are a tripart being, just like God is tripart being. And so we can't. Okay, I'm gonna be mind and spirit. No, your body too. And so we really have to give that just the equal focus too, because we don't. We can't separate that. But I love that idea. Like we've been redeemed. All parts of us have been redeemed. Thank you for redemption in Jesus name. Appreciate it.

I love it. Exactly.

Thank you for the redemption on the muffin top. Thank you, Jesus. I love it. But I think that's so important. How can women. What are some practical ways that we can get over that? Like, you know, you look in the mirror. Like, I know so many times and I used to be this way, look in the mirror and just like, ew. So many things need to be changed. Like we can't carry that into our relationships. So how do we change that? Immediately, you know, immediately. Jackie, now let's go.

I think we under. When I began my journey out of weight loss, which was what I conquered before, I mean, well, you know, they kind of actually came at a similar time. If I'm honest, I think I just redeemed everything physical and female kind of at the same time. In my mind. I did not do the redemption work, but I received it. But that unconditional self love. So honestly, when I came to love my body. I didn't begin with healthy behaviors. I began with just trusting my own instincts and desires. And if I wanted a piece of chocolate, I let myself have a freaking piece of chocolate. And what that did is it removed the shame from my desires. So I came to trust and love and work with my body rather than constantly battling it. Oh, you want chocolate? Well, here is a piece of celery. You know, suck it up. You need to lose weight, right? It began this loving relationship which slowly healed my view of myself. And then without me even knowing, and I wasn't married yet, I was preparing to be able to share this self love with someone else who wanted to love me. Because you can imagine if we have a relationship with our physical selves which inherit like it can't help but also be then with your heart of just hate, self hate, self blame, guilt, shame, the whole nine yards. Like, you can't hand that to someone else, no matter how much unconditional love they may have for you and expect to have a really healthy relationship, it won't work. So to begin actually not by putting in place a draconian workout regime and a diet and all that kind of stuff, but instead, just like, what do I need right now? I need a little more sleep, I need a walk, I need a bath, I need quiet time, I need to meet up with a girlfriend. I need to eat almost the entire bag of chips at the Mexican restaurant, right? Like trusting your instincts and learning to not feel shame and feel guilt. And what I found happens is that when you do that, you don't automatically go toward negative behaviors as much because you're not in this cycle of negative emotions that you're trying to eat or whatever your way out of that trust and love starts to lighten the whole load. And you're like, you know, I feel pretty good. I don't actually think I need a snack right now because I'm really not hungry. And I know if I want one later, I'll let myself have what I want. And so it just, it creates the self trust and self love that makes everything else blossom. And I think from that you will slowly out of that self love say, you know, I think I would feel really good if I actually did do a workout today. It would make my body feel great. And so kind of your natural behaviors start to shift more towards health. But I would begin love.

Yeah, begin with love. That does. I mean, you can't lose there.

It's the gospel, right? I mean, Christ came and began with love. He didn't come down, just like screaming at us all how horrible we were. He came down and loved and then led us through the sanctification process and the whole rest, but began with love.

So beautiful. So beautiful. And I think also just checking in with your body, having a good relationship with your body. So it's not a hate relationship. Like you said, if it begins with love, like, let's say, you know, like, I love you. I love you, Jackie. So I would check in every now and then, say if I knew you were going through something, hey, how are you doing? Everything okay? Like, I would check in with you. So when we love our bodies, we just check in with our bodies. Like, do you, do you need this? Is this something that would help you instead of just like, this is my habit. I have to like feed myself and feed this, this angst that I feel to really like become present with your body and check in out of love. What do you need? What would best serve my body right now?

Yeah. And start to trust it. So that kind of manipulation sense almost that you can't trust it and it can't trust you. Like, let it melt into just a loving, trusting relationship because it is the natural state. I think it's easier than it sounds.

I mean, look at babies, they will go around butt naked and say, look at me. Like stand in front of the mirror dancing in front of it. Not recommending that. Especially if you're making a video. Not a good idea.

Doors closed. Then go for it. Yeah.

So how does this self love that you have towards your body, how does that show up in your sex life with your husband?

Yeah, I think it changes your mental talk. Right. So what so many women come to with me is they're afraid of being naked and seen like visibly having him look at them naked. So they hide, the lights are off, they keep some clothing on, they keep the blanket over. But if you're coming from this place of self love, then because your brain has already been retrained into not rejecting you, you don't automatically assume that someone else will. And I'm not saying you barge in there with all the sexual confidence in the world yet. I think there's a couple more steps. But you have this basic state of expecting to be shown love and it opens you to be able to receive it versus because of how you maybe have treated yourself. You're expecting rejection, you're expecting judgment, you're expecting displeasure. Instead you're expecting love. You're expecting unconditional softness and maybe a little bit of discovery and Kind of figuring out what works. But you come at this with so much more hope and openness. It's almost a childlikeness without necessarily naivete. But there's a healed. I'm lovable, and so therefore, you can love me. Like, oh, my gosh, it's a beautiful energy. But I honestly, I don't think, Hannah, it can happen unless people have also done the work to decide that sex as an act itself is not dirty and. And men are trustworthy.

So I think we need to talk about that.

Yeah, I think.

Because this is something I don't understand. Like, I literally, like, you need to help me here, because I have worked with women, and this is something I. I understand the. Where it's coming from and where the thought is manifesting, but I couldn't imagine this. They're like, if I never had sex again, I'd be totally fine with that. And I'm like, I can't even. Like, I understand the mental process behind it, but I'm like, I can do that for, like, a week. But I don't know. Like, help me here.

Oh, gosh. Okay. I'll give you a couple hints that I think are where it's coming from. One that I have been discovering way more than I've wanted to recently with a lot of women is you have a marvelous, loving, supportive husband. When a man is harsh with his woman, her body shuts down. There's a protective, like, dude, you know, and I will go through the motions. I'll clean the house. I'll give you a kiss goodbye. I'll take care of the kids, but don't touch my being.

Wow.

It's huge. It's huge. And I'm not saying that every man who's harsh is in the wrong. They have their own wounds. They have their own past and journeys. But that's a huge influence. I mean, that's all over the Song of Solomon, right? When he just, like, comes at her, she's like, dude, you know, precious goods here. Back off.

So hold on, cowboy.

If you think about the sexual act, the man initiates, right? He comes in and penetrates like he's the coming at you.

And.

And she opens and receives. So it's a very vulnerable position. And I think the way that Satan has twisted sex is that men initiate wrongly, right? They either come at you in an abusive way, you know, whatever, or they are kind of wimpy and don't initiate at all. Not necessarily just in sex, but in life. And then women shut down that receptivity and that Openness out of fear and hurt. So, you know, if there's. If there's an aggressive scariness coming at you, the immediate defensive mechanism is to close off that design of openness and receptivity. So I think that's huge. However, I work with a lot of women where the husband's amazing, like, sweet, supportive, would never push, like, treats her like gold, and she knows it's a mental issue. And when that happens, I think if she hasn't been abused. Right. So abuse would create the same cycle as a woman. But if not, then usually there's this mindset that she's gotten into, often from either parenting or the church or culture that she needs to over accomplish. Like, there's a to do list and sex is not on it. You know, and if she's really, really good, she'll catch up with everything on to do list. And sex is not important enough that she's got to keep the husband out of trouble. So it's on there.

Like, avoid that.

Oh, my. Yeah, I know. But just this, like, good girls don't do that. There's a controlledness that feels like being good because it's what we're taught growing up, you know, don't leave men to stumble. Don't have sex, don't do this. And then married. And it's like the switch is supposed to flip. And everything we've been told is dirty, is suddenly clean, wonderful, amazing, the covenant. And we, like, we don't know how to make that switch. So that fear of hitting pause on an endless to do list, losing control, being totally, intimately, vulnerably known. And maybe you've been keeping your emotions, like, locked on so that you can get through your to do list. And suddenly you're supposed to let it all hang out, be totally comfortable in your body, waste basically an hour with the children arranged, you know, so it's perceived as a burden.

Wow.

And I think it's perceived as physically and emotionally scary.

Yeah. That makes so much sense. Oh, my gosh. Because we do have to make this transition. And it's funny because I grew up with that whole mentality in the church. Sex is dirty. You know, if you wear clothes like that, that means you're asking for it. And all these lies, all this garbage. And I didn't. I didn't really have to make that switch. I guess I just. I don't know. I think God just like, spared me from it. But I remember, like, as. As I was a, you know, a teenager and into college, and I'm like, this Is whack. Like, all that. All those kind of theories. That's so whack. Like, I don't understand that. And so kind of like, I had to make that shift before I got married. I'm grateful I did, but I can see that. That you're supposed to, like, all of a sudden flip a switch and you're ready to go.

Yep.

And now you're, like, you said, like, you can just operate with total abandon when there's so much to be said. Like, how many times will a woman say, oh, I'm a control freak? That's, like, become your, like, identity. Hi, my name's Hannah. I'm a control freak. Like, it becomes your identity. And so you think control do you have to have in sex. Like, that's where you can just, like, be out of control and enjoy that.

Yeah. I think a lot of women don't know how to lose control. And that's one of the biggest things I have to reteach them, is feeling safe, losing control.

That is so powerful.

Wow.

I'm just thinking about all. You just got all these wheels going. Because I don't. I don't have. I don't have that problem. Like, I'm totally, totally down. Like, the more out of control, the better. Like, yeah, take it away. Let's see what else we can discover. But I can see how that could be a very vulnerable place for a lot of women.

Yeah.

If I do get out of control and also not feeling like sex is so enjoyable, but for a lot of women, maybe it's not because you haven't learned how to really open up and enjoy that. Enjoy the stimulation, enjoy how good it could feel.

Yeah. 100%, Hannah. And it's also, like, legitimately, they don't enjoy it. Right. Like, 50% of women don't ever have an orgasm. Right.

Like, wait, whoa, hold up, hold up, wait, hold on. Like, they don't have an orgasm routinely.

I'm pretty sure that the statistic is never, never had one and are not expected to. I know.

I'm so sad right now. I know, I know. Top of my to do list.

And that's the switch. That's the switch. Right. Orgasm is. I mean, there are many switches, but that's one of the biggest switches. One of the fastest wins that I try to get for women, first, is understanding that they're a priority. Because recognize, too, that in cultural training, men are taught that sex is for them.

Right.

Sex is for me. You know, and I'll be nice to you, and I'll Take you to dinner and I'll talk to you, and then you're gonna have sex with me. That's what I get out of this. And so the woman's been taught that. So she's feeling used, violated, unimportant. Her pleasure's not important. She should shut down. And he's like, well, I came. What's your problem? Thanks. I'm going to sleep. So that's the sexual experience for so many women, including in marriage. And then you combine that with the sense that maybe God doesn't even like this act in the first place.

And it's so much garbage. Like, so much garbage, thinking one layer on top of another. Do you think maybe what could really. And I'm sure you help people do this, so let me ask you, because you just said, like, you know, the husband, you know, I came. So whatever. Like, having a discussion, like, actually talking, like, this is what I love. This is how I love to be touched. And by the way, let me come first. And, you know, like. Like, actually, like, have a second, but.

At least at all.

Yeah, like. Like, let's make sure I get what I came here for, baby. But are we gonna have, like, to have an explicit rating on this podcast?

Headphones, headphones recommended.

Okay, yeah, I need to put, like a. I'll do that intro. But yeah, to have a discussion. Like, do you help women be able to frame that up for their husbands? Like, honey, this is what I want to, like, like, experiment more. I want to dive into intimacy more. I want to see if maybe an orgasm is a possibility for me. And, yeah, I don't think. Have you found that that's effective? And how. How can they do that?

Yeah, so that's right at the end of the first half of the course that I walk women through is called the bedroom bombshell. That's right at the end of that. And it's part of the bigger picture, which is the full O class. I put that halfway through, because first I'm working through the theology, the permission and the loss of control with them around sex and orgasm. So they're even ready to take a stand for themselves like that. Because that can be a very scary conversation. But yes, and what is surprising for many people is that this is a really tough area for a man to receive feedback in a lot of times. So for a woman to come to you and say, hey, by the way, I mean, however she phrases it, his male brain is usually thinking, our sex life sucks, therefore you suck in bed, therefore you suck as a man. And so having this conversation with him, which is essentially like, I'm not enjoying sex enough. Could we change things? Takes a really secure man to hear and a very confident woman to say. And so the way that I help them to phrase it is first understanding that. Right? Understanding that dynamic and then understanding it in the context of their husband's personality. Because men respond to these things differently based on their personalities. Right. And really, instead of having any languaging around like, you suck, you're not good enough. Coming from the space of all the work that she's just gone through with me already of like, I'm becoming aware that I've had these mindset blocks, like since childhood from culture. I'm really working through them. And I want sex to become a pro. I want enjoying sex to the max to become a priority for me. And I'm so excited for you to help me do this. Kind of like getting him on board as a partner who has the power to help her rather than, you suck. So I'm doing something apart from you. And just FYI, you know, so it is, it's a delicate conversation to have, but it is a critical point because she is going to be making shifts and he needs a heads up when or he's not gonna be able or feel like he's on board and he's almost left behind and confused.

But I can see how just framing it up with a simple, like, not talking about what the past was, but talking about, hey, I want to move forward into exploring more dimensions in our sex life. Like, hey, like almost turning it into, like, hey, let's do this, you know, Disney World, that kind of thing. That kind of.

Yep. But she first has to be in a place where she believes it's possible, where it's a 100% non negotiable priority for her now and she wants to invest her own time into it because too many women default into that sounds like a lot of work. And if I just keep him happy, can I just move on? You know, so she's got fired up.

Well, let me ask you something, Jay, because something just came to my mind and I want to ask you if you ever get this issue is, I know part of like achieving satisfaction and feeling great during sex and having an orgasm, it's all about the kind of surrendering yourself to it. So if you're trying so hard to like, I must have an orgasm, I must enjoy this. You kind of like, all of a sudden you put this level of anxiety and you shut off. Like, you can't like will an Orgasm to happen.

Yeah.

So someone's like puts all this mental energy, I have no problem talking about this, all this mental energy into it. It feels like that would almost be a roadblock to actually achieving it. You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah.

Okay. Okay.

I call it going under.

Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, I call it going under. And it's the only choice you can willfully make is to allow it to happen. So yes, you're right. You can't like white knuckle your way all the way to an orgasm. You can just. It's really the decision almost before the act of sex of I'm going to make this a promise priority and I'm aware that I've never had one or it's been very infrequent and so I'm going to go easy on myself and if it doesn't happen, fine. But this is now something I'm interested in and something I'm open to and I'm going to feel my body. I'm kind of going to feel how it rises and maybe it tapers off and I don't quite get there. I'm just going to like allow myself to relax into my sensations. But if I start heading in that direction, I'm game. So I do encourage couples to take the pressure off and there's a lot of very practical blocks for women around orgasms. So once those are cleared, it's really not that difficult if you have some decent techniques and you have the mindset of allowing for that release. But yes, it can't be. It's. It's so funny. You have to choose to be open to it, but then it can't be controlled. And the only control you're having is trying to consciously be aware of if you're trying to take over control and just continually releasing it.

So yeah, again we talked about checking in with your body. So it's like checking in and not saying, oh, body, you got to do this. I don't know what it feels like you got to do it, but kind of like checking in and saying, hey, how do I feel? Like you said like the rise and fall and am I enjoying this? And what does this feel like? So letting that be the goal of just like the check in and just becoming in tune with your body.

Yeah, yeah. And you that even being a priority during sex versus just okay, he usually takes 10 minutes and then dinner is in 20. You know what I mean?

Just having your position, then this position.

And then this will be done. God. And I can move on, you know, like Allowing yourself to be physically and mentally engaged, which, there's a lot of factors in there, but it's first a decision, and then we work through the blocks. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I know we can't cover everything. Like, that's. That's why you do what you do. But if someone really has a hang up first about even exploring intimacy in their marriage, what would you say? Like, how could they. What would be the best first steps for them? Just to kind of acclimate themselves into the possibility of it, of having an amazing sex life.

You know, it's super annoying because I think people don't like to do this kind of work, but I would say look back and try to figure out where this reluctance came from. Right. Because I deeply believe, like, like you were saying, kids just run around naked, kiss themselves in the mirror. It's awesome. So where. When did this set in? Was it your mother and the way she talked about men or the way she talked about her body? Was it never saw your parents touching? Was it your dad looking at women or watching porn or your brother or whatever? Was it the church?

Like.

Like, where did this sense of, oh, this is not a good thing and not a priority come from? And then you can kind of hone in on, okay, so for me, this is about my relationship with God, or for me, this is about my relationship with my mom. Or for me, this is about, like, whatever it is. And once you know where the disease has kind of come from, you can start to heal it. But I think too many women, I think way too many sex books are like, just jump into the act and get excited about it, and there's this massive swamp of wounding underneath it. You just can't move forward until some of that stuff is dealt with. So that's where I would begin, as irritating as it is, because it's tough and dirty work, but it's the kind of thing that fixes it for good, so it's worth doing. Yeah.

You know what I just thought of, and I'd love for you to share some more tips on how to get started. I love that. And I was just thought of something. Every morning, I listen to, like, affirmations that I have spoken, and I just repeat them out loud. I hear it and then I say it. And I do that every morning when I go on a walk on my headphones. And several of those affirmations that I have are like, Blair and I are constantly attracted to each other. We're so in love, we can't keep our hands off of each other. Like, those are included in my morning affirmations. So that might be something that could help someone who's really struggling with these issues or develop the mindset around what would they like to see happen in their marriage and start, like, convincing their subconscious, like, no, this. This can be a reality. I can enjoy sex. I can, you know, enjoy this relationship with my husband. I can, you know, relax into this and check in with my body and love my body.

Yes. I love that you said that. That's one of the things we have in the bedroom bombshell course is it's called the sex life affirmations. And one of the things I find that's important with that. So, first of all, women should do exactly what you're saying and a tip that I would give them to begin with, something they can believe. Right. So in this function we have, it's like a starter. Like, we start with, God created sex before the fall and said it was very good, it was part of creation. And then, like, therefore. And you keep moving until, like, I am, like, just a princess of, you know, all things sexual, and I have a million orgasms, and my husband thinks I'm phenomenal. Like, you don't believe that immediately, but you can work your way there. So if you're going to add affirmations around this into your life, begin with kind of things that you suggested. Like, I can tap into my body during sex and see how I feel, and I can feel open with my husband and trust that he loves me. Begin with what's like, a little, you know, it's not something you're consciously thinking, but you would believe it, and then move on to something that's maybe a little deeper and harder to grasp. By that point, you'll be ready. So that's fabulous idea. I love that.

Awesome. Awesome. Good. I love giving moms, like, real practical tools so that right after they turn off this podcast, they can do something to, you know, whether it's getting naked and stand in front of the mirror and say, you are so freaking awesome.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And I think another quick practical win that many women doubt but is really powerful is to clean out your lingerie drawer. And I mean, I know many of us, like, it shouldn't even be called a lingerie drawer. It should be called a granny panty drawer. But just to go ahead and trust yourself that there will be a sale at Target or wherever on lacy panties and release the ones that are very tired, that as they. As they say, and it's kind of funny, if you were in a car Accident or something. Would you be embarrassed when they had to undress you and saw what underwear you had on? You know what I mean? Something cute.

Pick something cute.

You never know what's going on.

Probably would be embarrassed, but for a different reason. Like, let's assume you're dead and you.

Have no more shame, you know, but.

Oh, my God, she was wearing a red lace thong. What did she think? What's going to happen later?

She's thinking very well of herself. Very well of herself. So allow yourself to start to change the identity that you have of yourself physically and sexually by changing what you clothe that part of yourself in. You know, it's like Proverbs 31, but taking it down a couple layers of clothing. You know, literally allow. Literally allow yourself to decide that this is holy and beautiful and worthy of celebrating, you know, and adoring, and show that with what you put on.

I love that so much. It's funny because just side note, I'm very flat chested, like extremely flat chested. I was like, I don't care. I'm gonna, like, have the most beautiful lingerie. I'm not gonna get the, like little, you know, teen grow bra with Dora the Explorer on the front as a, you know, yeah, grown woman. But I was like, I'm gonna get a nice bra. At Victoria's Secrets women, after several measurements, they said, I'm sorry, I don't think we have anything here. Fine, I'll take my money elsewhere in my sexy body.

And you know what? You need to get over to Europe very quickly because so many women there are so small chested and they have the most gorgeous lace bralettes that, I mean, cover almost nothing. But I think you have to know where to look. But truly, any woman of any size at this point can find something that's so beautiful. And I know that you're saying that too, but it can be done and it's worth it. But you have to decide.

Yeah, beautiful. So I need to go to Europe now. That's what you're saying. I need to take a research purposes. Right, Exactly.

Purely for spiritual growth and personal lingerie.

Shopping trip to Europe. We're going, right?

We are. Let's do it.

Okay, let's do it. We'll take a whole team of women. We're going to like, transform the lingerie.

And transform our sexual lingerie Paris retreat.

I love it. I love everything about it. Okay, so wrapping up. What do you think? If someone's really struggling here or if they're not struggling, they're like, you know, maybe there's another level.

Yeah.

Maybe it's not just like our once a week sex. Maybe there's something. Maybe I can explore other things. What is something you can share with them, Something that they can really think about, internalize, and maybe take action on today.

I think for the woman first who feels totally at a loss, I would pray over this area of your life. And I'm not even talking about, like, pray for healing, Pray for God to bless your marriage. I'm talking about the kind of prayer where you're talking to God and you're letting him speak to you and you take this area that has been so hurt in front of him and just say, help me. Like, I am so confused, lost, disinterested, broken, whatever your word is, and let him start to tell you the truth about sex. Okay. Like, really get. Like, we don't often take this area to prayer, but it's his and he's got so much to tell you. And if you're feeling out of touch or hurt in it, he's got a ton to tell you. So forget the men, forget your mom, forget the media. Take sex to God and have him tell you what's true about it. That's what I would do. If you don't even know where to begin.

His word says he gives us all things to enjoy.

Yeah.

He's given us that to enjoy. So therefore, he is going to give us the wisdom of on how to access that enjoyment.

Yeah.

So I love that. Beautiful.

Absolutely. And not to call dirty things that he's made clean. So let him. Really?

Yes. You're preaching now, girl. Yes.

I would go another hour, Hannah. Anyway, that's what I would begin with. If it's really. That's where you're starting and that's where I was. So, girl, like, know that the journey can take you beautiful places. This is not an area that has to stay in the darkness. If you're already doing pretty well and you're wondering how you can take this up a notch. I think something that a lot of couples can investigate is the spiritual side of sex. And it's difficult because a lot of the sex advice out there, when you get into the spiritual, gets into kind of like the weird spiritual where we don't really want to head, but to understand that it doesn't have to also just be like romantic candles, one position, very quiet, look in each other's eyes to be spiritual.

Right, right.

There's a side of spiritual that is very, very physical, very animal, but essentially, like, allow Yourself to combine both the wild and the erotic and that spiritual soulful connection. So light candles, play music, get into different positions, like let yourself scream, all of the things to basically just take your expression of this in every direction that feels holy to you and then let God continue to expand that. Just like allow yourself to question that how far can this go? How if this act, and I believe that this act is the metaphor for our relationship with God and that the orgasm is like basically what paradise will be like. Just total, total peace in his presence. So imagining that it is that pure and holy, just think of how far you could take your experience of this beautiful divine act and let your imagination run wild.

Yeah. Get slain in the spirit. Some of those laying on hands, baby.

And always and always.

It's always. There's so much I love about you.

Thank you so much.

You're incredible. Thank you so much for this. This has been such a blessing. Any last words that you want to share with women?

You know the biggest thing that healed me in this area was internalizing that God gave sex to women as a gift every bit as much as he gave it to men. This is not a duty on our to do list. That is about being a good wife. This is girlfriend. We're not going to get too much into anatomy here, but your physical anatomy was God placed for your pleasure and you need to receive that. This act is a gift to you. It reduces your stress hormones, it makes you feel more connected, it makes you more creative, more confident. You need to embrace this act as yours and understand that your husband is a puppy dog with his tongue hanging out. Can't wait to share it with you. But let this be yours first and you will become the kind of confident, self secure, grounded, joyful, excited, initiative taking participant in this that every man dreams of. So don't even worry about him, but get right in this yourself and everything will fall into place.

I love it. I love it so much. Thank you.

Jackie.

You have such a blessing in so many ways. Where can people go to get more of you?

Yes. So my main website is jackiedixon.org that's where you can find out what I mean when I say bombshell. What I'm talking about what I'm doing here. But if you're speaking specifically interested in the intimacy work, then make sure you go to bedroombombshell.com. that's where I have a free training 45 minutes on the five shifts that most Christian women have never made and need to make to enjoy sex more. Now that's a critical training. We hear all about how it changes women. Beautiful.

I love it. Thank you so much. You're so welcome.

Thank you. What a joy.

Okay, bye bye.

Bye bye.

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