Takeover Tuesday: Jen Babakhan

Here's the big how are these average everyday moms getting radical results in their lives? How are they able to transform their health, money, families, homes, and have fun doing it?

The trick?

We're not average.

I'm Hannah Keeley and I'm going to.

Spill our secrets and answer your questions. And right now in that mom show.

I'm so excited. I have my friend Jen with us today. Jen Baba Khan. And if you're like me, immediately you started hearing Chaka Khan in your head. Of course I'm dating myself in a horrible way. But anyway, Jen, Baba Khan. Baba Khan. Baba Khan, let me write you.

Baba Khan is here with us today.

And she's talking about her book Detoured. Now, the reason I wanted to have Jen on here is because so many moms, I went through this when I quit work to stay home. Of course, now I work from home, but it is a jolt. It is a big shift. So if you've worked and then you chose to stay home, or if you're trying to work from home and just balancing this whole working mom, stay at home mom as if stay at home moms don't work their tails off balancing this big issue here because I don't think we ever stop balancing. We just get better and better at working out the kinks. Jen is going to share her story. I think it is going to make a big impact on your life because Jen doesn't just share her story about how she was detoured, but also about the joy, the beauty, the power that actually came out of that. So, Jen, thank you so much for being with us today.

Thank you so much for having me. It is an absolute joy and an honor to be here.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah.

Well, the joy is ours because I am just anticipating all the wisdom you are going to download on us. Isn't it funny how sometimes the struggles we go through, God allows us to go through those struggles.

Not.

I mean, yes, it refines us, it perfects us, it empowers us. But also when we are willing to be raw and real and share those struggles with others, we give them the same gift.

Right?

It is like we give people a shortcut. So I would love for every mom listening today to get a shortcut. You know, I don't want them to.

Go through the pain that you went through or I went through.

Like, let's get a shortcut and let's get to that powerful place right now. So share your story about this huge life transition that you had. What happened.

Absolutely. You are absolutely right. And I don't think, you know, I don't think anybody does realize when they are going through something really painful, really challenging, that it is going to be of use for anyone else. So certainly at the time I didn't. I wasn't thinking, someday I'm going to write a book about this. But you know what, what happened basically is that I was a third grade teacher and I absolutely loved my job. Prior to teaching, I had been a marketing professional and did a lot of travel and really enjoyed, you know, all the things that come along, all the perks that come along with that. But I knew that God was calling me to the classroom. Teaching has always been, you know, my first love. And so I knew I needed to get my teaching credential. And that's what I did. I finally landed the job that I'd always dreamed I would have had, my own classroom of, you know, 24 third graders. And so when I. When I got pregnant, when I started to, you know, we decided to grow our family, I had no intention of becoming a stay at home mom. I thought I would do the same thing that all of my peers had done, you know, put the child in daycare and go right back into the classroom. And that's certainly what I promised my parents that year, that their children were in my class. But, you know, everything kind of changed when I had my son. Everything, you know, when they put him in my arms, I felt like the world just kind of shifted a little bit. My, you know, all of my priorities were different now, and I was no longer worried about lesson plans and report cards. All of a sudden I had this little life that depended on me. And he, it felt like, you know, he was everything. And so I remember when I was in that hospital room struggling with this emotion of I don't think I can go back to work, you know, coupled with the fact of we can't afford for me not to go back to work. And so there was this total dichotomy of these two feelings. And I just thought, okay, I'm going to just kind of let it simmer and try not to think about it. You know, I'm going to enjoy my maternity leave. I'm just going to. That always works.

That always works.

Oh, it does completely not to think about it.

You never have to deal with it.

Right. It goes away. It goes away.

It just disappears into the ether. You're right.

Right. And everything's fine. Everybody lives.

Everything's good. Okay.

That was our podcast interview.

Thank you for joining us.

Right, exactly. Thank you so much. That was Good. End of story. You know, so as God would have it, you know, we encountered some bumps along the way, one of which being that my son ended up having a really severe dairy sensitivity. And so when he was three months old, he began bleeding internally. And so I, you know, I was already thinking, I really don't want to go back to work, but how on earth is this going to happen? And now that he was bleeding internally and at the time we didn't know what it was from, you know, I was just this crazy first time mom that couldn't get off the Google. Right. Dr. Google was like my new best friend trying to figure this out. Yeah. You know, we went to pediatric allergists and they finally figured out that it was a dairy sensitivity. So as a nursing mom, that meant my diet had to change. Which, you know, when you're dealing with a little bit of postpartum depression, why not throw into the fact that, you.

Know, you're going to have to deal with it anyway. So let's just do it all in one feel.

Right? Right? Yeah. You know, no ice cream, no chocolate. Like all that goes away. Let's just eat. You know, I literally, when we were trying to figure it out, I was eating turkey and green beans for three meals a day. I'm not kidding, breakfast, lunch and dinner. Because I had done the whole top eight allergen thing. It was, it was a nightmare. So when we realized that it was a dairy problem and that he was only going to be able to drink a hypoallergenic formula along with my breast milk, I at that point knew that I just could not trust his care to anyone else. It became glaringly clear to me that I was going to have to be home with him. And I wanted to be home with him. And there was still the financial concern, but as God would, you know, would have it, he came right in there and, you know, the last day of my, I had bought that maternity leave insurance or whatever that kind of gives you a little padding while you're off. So the day that, that ran out, my husband got a promotion that made up the difference for what I would have been bringing in. It was just enough. It was no more than, you know, than we needed and it was no less. It was just enough. And so God's provision in that moment made, I made it so abundantly clear that I was meant to be home, that he was calling me home. You know, even outside of the health issues my son was having, he wanted me home. And I heard it there in that Hospital. I heard that little whisper, but I just tried to tuck it away in a corner. And you know, that that didn't work. And so when I signed that resignation letter, my thought was, as a teacher, this is an endless summer vacation. It's going to be delightful. It's going to be just running through the fields of flowers with my child and it's going to be great. And what it ended up being was just diapers, dishes, and depression. You know, I have to be real. The reality of it just, just tore all of my expectations down. And slowly, very slowly, what I realized is that I had placed my identity to so completely in my career and what I did and what I could produce instead of placing it in the only rightful place which is, which is Jesus Christ. So that was just kind of the period of the whole breakdown for me of.

You basically had an identity crisis.

Absolutely. Yeah. And this can happen whether you're a.

Stay at home mom or working mom or whatever. When you place your identity in anything for a believer, Mm, anything except your identity in Christ, it doesn't have enough framework to hold up. And pretty soon things crumble.

Absolutely.

Like whether it was working or stay at home, whatever that is. Because I see a lot of stay at home moms, their total identity is in that role.

Right. The same thing can happen no matter what.

It's where you place, you know, where your heart is, there's there. Your treasure is awesome. Right. Everything is. And so I can see that all of a sudden, this abrupt adjustment, really, all of a sudden you're questioning like, who am I? Like who I thought I was. Emily is not who I am now. So who am I?

Right, right. You know, and that was the thing, you know, if nobody, if nobody was calling me, you know, Mrs. Baba Khan, if I didn't have my classroom full of children, I didn't have this purpose, the sense of purpose of going and going and teaching these kids, then who was I? And then came the guilt and the shame from that. Because I felt so guilty and so ashamed because why wasn't motherhood enough? If I loved my child enough to stand in front of a train for him, you know, why was that not enough to fulfill me? And so it became this feeling of just being so lost. And then the shame and the guilt on top of that just created this perfect storm for me of, of definitely having identity crisis. And so, you know, God was so merciful and so sweet and so gentle with me. I couldn't be gentle with myself. But. But man, he really was so good.

Now that he is so gentle and it's not like he's waiting to bop you on the head. He's just like, ok, I'll just, you know, we're in this together. This is a growing process. I remember that so much. I think, you know, if we had been. If we had known each other at that time, we would have been like bosom buddies. Because it was the same for me. Like, I remember when I wanted to stay home with my child, you know, quitting my career as a behavior therapist. And all of a sudden I'm looking like, literally we had no. We did not have enough money. And the thing is, I would love to have the story where I quit. And all of a sudden he got a raise, but he actually lost his job. So now even further down. Oh my gosh. Yeah, it was very abrupt in learning, like, how do I serve at my highest level? Like, who am I? And it's not to say that being a mom was not enough for me. But I think we all have to find that path where God's anointing meets our ability and our skill. You know, we just, we celebrate that. But yeah, that can be a huge adjustment when you're thinking about it. Really shakes you to the core of what do I know about myself even?

And it was an absolute, you know, right now, you know, it's wrapped up so nice and pretty in a book. But you know, in reality, what was happening during that time, and I do write about it, is that I was not going down without a fight. So in my mind it was, well, I'm going to find a loophole if God's not going, if he doesn't want me to work outside the home, then I should be able to find a work from home job. And so I applied to, I don't know, I couldn't tell you, probably about 20 to 30 work from home jobs weekly. So I was, I had him, you know, I had the baby nursing and I'm just applying away, shooting out my resume, could not get a bite from anyone. And that was a new experience for me. I was used to going in, killing it at the interview, you know, at least getting, you know, a second interview or, you know, or an offer of employment. So the fact that I wasn't getting anything was just so defeating. You know, my husband would come home, I'd be in tears, you know, and he was like, why are you doing this to yourself? There's no reason. And so I was just fighting against this internal battle of just looking for importance. Right? It was this Pride issue. It was this ego issue of I have to produce something, I have to do something, what did I go to college for? You know, all of these things were going through my mind and so I really, I really got it, I battled it out. But you know, it's in those battles where, you know, you're being stubborn and you're, you're being defiant. It's in those times where he communicates his love and his mercy so clear. Clearly that's where intimacy with God to me is really built. Because you know, you're coming to him with your honesty and your anger, which he is strong enough to take. You know, he doesn't already know how you feel. Right, right, exactly. You know, but his answer isn't changing. So, you know, out of the two of us, it wasn't going to be God that was going to change. So I learned just so much through that. And it wasn't really until, you know, I finally came face to face with the fact that, okay, I'm going against God's will. That's never a great place to be. And so I just realized, okay, you know, if God's not in it, then I really don't want to be there. And I know that he is. He's faithful and he's true and he's kind and he's the best friend I'll ever have. So I need to go whatever way he is going. And it wasn't until I had reached that rock bottom place that I then began to feel some peace and some contentment start to work its way in of being ok right where I was. Right?

Right. That is so beautiful, being able. And isn't it wonderful that we serve a God who doesn't mind wrestling with us?

You know, Absolutely. Thank God for him being that way because I am a person that I am very headstrong and very stubborn. But he knows that about me. Right?

He created you that way to serve him with that ability and with that characteristic. So that is so beautiful. And I am thinking of moms right now who struggle with that identity, wonder like, what am I doing here? Like, I remember Blair coming home daily. I would smell like, like it was like the most. Like he would come home and sometimes I'd be in my pajamas, I would smell like spit up and I'd be like, what am I doing? Why am I putting on shoes today? And so sometimes we can get caught up in this identity that where we think it's not worth it.

Right?

Like even like take a shower, it's not worth it. Like a dress is not worth it. But when we can start to esteem the role of motherhood, what the power that it has, like if we can really step out. And that's why I'm so big on professionalizing the career of motherhood. Like, let's show up. Let's show up 100% and just see what happens. Because sometimes I think we back away because we don't have an accurate perception of the reality of our role. I think we don't actually know what we're doing absolutely, as moms, but what we're doing, the impact of what we're doing. And if we could just get an accurate representation of the impact of craving, creating a legacy, changing the world for people, creating a home, like the impact of that, then I think we start to show up at a different level. That's when things change. When all of a sudden we decide, you know what, it's worth it to actually get out of bed. It's worth it to just get dressed and see what happens. And all of a sudden the way we approach life becomes how life approaches us. And that's where miracles happen. And that's where all of a sudden our identity just. It's an entire shift.

Absolutely. You know, I think, you know, during that time I would see other moms that seemed so content in their, in their role and I wanted what they had, but I didn't know how to get there. And it was, you know, once I kind of came through this into the other side and saw that God was really growing in me, you know, a desire to be the best mom I could be, you know, but also knowing that in order to be the best mom that I could be, I had to take care of myself. I had to. I know self care is really popular right now, but you know, it's more than a bubble bath. You know, true soul care is, you know, monitoring and maintaining your relationship with Christ, putting that first, knowing what feeds you. You know, for me, what fed me was writing. And so when I started writing again, you know, I was just recording my kids birth stories and as I started writing it out, so much more was tumbling out on the page. And I thought, this is something that, you know, my transition from work to home and this battle that I've gone through was not just for me. And I started feeling this, you know, this speaking from God of, ok, this is something that other people are going to relate to. And this is a journey that I've taken you through for a reason. And so when I told my husband, you know, I'm going to write a book about this, you know, even if it never got published. I just felt like I had to. I had to write it down. I had to get it out. And, you know, he's so supportive. I have the most supportive husband in the world. His answer was, do it. You know, he was like, let's just do it. You know? And so I absolutely think that we cannot forget who we are to our children. You know, we are the only mothers that they will ever have. We have been given these specific children for us, for specific reasons. You know, I don't believe in coincidence. There's no coincidence. There's a reason that we've been entrusted with their lives and their souls while they're here on Earth, you know, and so I just. I totally agree that if we step back and really looked at it and thought, okay, I am their world right now. You know, my kids are little. They're, you know, five and eight. And I still am the one that can make things better. I'm still the one that has so much impact in their lives and in the way that they think about the world. And so if I'm not really conscious about it, if I'm not really putting, you know, both feet forward and really thinking about things, if I'm not apologizing for when I really mess up, you know, all of that is shaping. All of that is shaping them. And so, you know, I fail daily. I get it wrong all the time. I apologize a lot. I. You know, I am by no means close to being a perfect mother. But what I've learned is that we cannot underestimate the power that we have in our own homes to set the temperature as far as moods and emotions. And we really hold it all together as moms. We hold it all together.

We're the glue, baby.

We are. That's right.

And God makes us super glue, so that's. We bring our natural to his supernatural and indulgence.

Yes, yes.

Something came to mind, and I want to make sure that we talk about this because there's a mom, could be more than one, listening right now who's struggling with this. I just feel like I need to. You said that it was like you weren't getting the opportunity to work, and all of a sudden you're like, you know what? I'm going to write a book about this and what the Holy Spirit just gave me right now. Is there someone listening?

Who?

The doors are shutting. Like, she just can't push open the door. She's trying. She's Trying, trying. Slam door, slam door, slam door. And what I want to tell her and what I think our listeners need to hear and our viewers need to hear is, is that sometimes God is shutting those doors to lead you through one that is so much bigger, so much more powerful, with so much more prosperity and abundance on the other side of it. So I'm thinking, Jen, you would probably not have written a book if you had found employment.

Absolutely.

That door had been opened. And I'm thinking, there's some people right now, it's like, why am I not getting a break? Why am I not getting any traction here? Just really seek the heart of God because maybe God is positioning you for something that you couldn't even imagine right now, something bigger and bolder that's going to build you up to a totally different level. And I just feel really strong that I need to share that right now because I think there's some people dealing with that.

Oh, absolutely. I've got chills because as you were saying that. Absolutely, I never would have written a book if I had gotten employment or whatever. But I. This book for me is one of the most blatant ways that it feels like God has just reached down and shown me that if doors are shutting, there is a reason and if God's not there, you don't want to be there. And so it has completely. Even after I've written a book, there's still rejection. There are things still that I get no's for all the time. I mean, if you're a writer, you're gonna have some rejection. But in any case, I look at rejection and to be honest, I look at so many situations in my life, you know, all of them really, with, you know, if God's not there or if it didn't happen, or, you know, for whatever reason something falls through, there is a reason for that. And he is sovereign. And I don't, I can be disappointed, but I no longer question it. And the disappointment doesn't even last that long anymore because I know that his best is waiting. Yeah. So, you know, I just, I just look forward to like, okay, well, if this wasn't it, then I got it wrong. But he never gets it wrong. You know, I can think that something was the best move for me. And if he doesn't agree, then he doesn't agree. And I, I am in a place in my life and clearly it took me a while of just complete submission to his will. If you're not there, I don't want to go there if that's not for me. Oops, I messed up. You're right. So, you know, that's is a submission.

But here's the deal. We think at the time of submission that it's sacrifice, but actually we're opting for something so much better and we.

Just haven't seen it yet.

So much better. And I'm telling you, if it feels stormy right now, then the best place for you to be is out on the waves with Jesus instead of in your manufactured boat and of what you perceive as safety.

And I found that in my life.

Jen has found it in yours. I'm sure. I want to be out in the storm with Jesus. That's the safest place. And so, and sometimes we can create this reality that we think it feels safer. It would have felt a lot safer if you had gotten some, you know, part time employment.

Oh, absolutely. And you know, I tell this story in the book, but it's still so just such an accurate depiction, you know, My son was, I think he was about 2 and I was trying to get him in the car to take him to the park. And it was a beautiful park that I was trying to take him to. But on the way out the door to get him into the car to go to the park, he had seen our backyard grass. And he was throwing an absolute fit. You know, he was doing that whole arching his back, saying, wouldn't get in the car seat and just kept screaming, grass, grass. You know, And I'm like, I'm taking you to the park. And I'm trying to remind him like, you know, that the trees are bigger and the playground is huge and we don't even have swings in our backyard. You know, I'm going through this whole thing and he, he was just not having it. He was not having it. And we fought and we battled and I couldn't get him in the car seat and I finally just gave up. And I heard God as clearly as I've ever heard him in my life say, you're doing the same thing as your toddler. And I just kind of sat there and I was like, say what now? You know, because he just, you know, it was so clear, you know, he said, I have a better place I want to take you. I have a beautiful place that I want to take you. But you only want what you've seen. You only want what you know, girl, reach, right? I was like, well, that's a word. And so, I mean, I can remember I texted my husband, like, well, God just spoke to me. This is what just happened. I mean, in that moment, I still think of that moment, and I just. It was so clear to me that I was that clenched, fisted, you know, screaming toddler, wanting the grass in my backyard when he had a world to show me that I knew nothing of. And this was before I started writing. This was in the midst of feeling lost and alone and didn't know who I was anymore. And he was trying to tell me through my child, you know, this is what you're doing. I know better. Just like you know that park is the most beautiful park you'd ever take your kid to. I know where I'm taking you is better. And that's true for all of us. So I no longer look at disappointment the same way because I know that he wants to take me to a better place. Right. That's just it.

Yeah, it's just. And all of a sudden, we don't have to fight. The thing that I found to be true is it's not really the pain of stepping into that reality, but all of the time and energy and pressure fighting against it. Right. It doesn't have to be that way. When there's complete surrender, there's also complete peace. And there's an empowerment there where God wants to lead us because he's never going to lead us someplace that he's not going to provide for us and equip us. So when we can say, God, I just. I just want what you want, all of a sudden, everything else fades away. When we seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, everything else is just all the things that we're struggling to get, he just adds it, you know, it's just part of the beautiful God equation.

Absolutely. There's so. There's such peace and surrender. There is so much peace there, you know, of just knowing. And, you know, it doesn't. It doesn't end right after the book comes out. You're looking, how's it doing? How is this whatever? And because I've gone on this journey, I know that he's gonna do with it, whatever he's gonna do with it, you know, and so there's no longer this sense of. Because, you know, it could have been really easy for me to go back into that achievement mindset. Well, it better get on every bestseller list. It better do this. What else can I do? How else can I do this? And the truth is, is that, you know, he's still got it. He's still got it all. And so there isn't that sense of urgency and pressure for me, you know, My whole life now is lived in just taking the next step that he's leading me on. I just. There's such peace. There's such peace and serenity that comes with it.

It's so good. Isn't it amazing?

Oh, it's awesome. It's awesome. He's awesome.

Jen, I know that there may be maybe a lot of women struggling with that identity, and maybe they just need a little bit of affirmation that there is so much abundance there. What would you tell that woman if she was calling you right now? She's like, what am I even doing? I haven't gotten out of my clothes in three days. This is so frustrating. I am overwhelmed. I'm not doing anything right. What would you say to her? Meet her right where she is?

I would really say, you know, to instantly start talking to yourself like you're your own best friend. You know, if you're not speaking to yourself the way that you would speak to your best friend, there's something wrong there. And. And if the voice in your head is not a kind one, if it's not a gentle one, if it's not a merciful one, that's not God. You know, I think so often that we can have thoughts that come in our brain. I know I do. And. And. And I'll realize, like, okay, wait a minute. That is not a. That does not align with the God I know, that does not align with Jesus. And so I have to. I have to realize, okay, that is not of Him. And so I would encourage women that are in this place of feeling like they've lost their identity, they've lost their purpose to first draw back to God's Word. You know, one of the most, you know, instrumental and vital things that I did was create for myself not a quiet time, because in a house with two boys, there is no quiet, but a time with Jesus and His Word every morning. Now, there were some days that I had action figures nearly taking an eye out while I have the pages open. And that was one of those moments where you just look up and you say, God, you know, I'm trying. Like, you know, things are getting chaotic, but being someone that stays close to God's word, because the truth is that to learn God's character, you're not going to learn that until you know His Word and until you allow it to really seep into you. And what I found is the Holy Spirit, you know, he brings it to you when you need it the most. You know, a verse will pop into mind or whatever that was one of the things that got me out of that pit was spending time in God's word every day was, you know, doing the unthinkable for a somewhat introverted person like me and reaching out and finding community, you know, joining a mom's group, finding other women that were, you know, facing the same struggles that I was. But, you know, above all, you know, we're daughters of Christ. We've been called to this, this time right now. You know, we, we are the ones that have been chosen to be these specific children's mothers. And there's nobody else on this planet that's a better mom for your kid than you because you're the one that's been given them. You know, this is, this is it. And so when we stand in the strength of that and, and combine that with the promise that he's not going to leave us, he's not going to forsake us, there's a reason that we're facing whatever we're facing and drawing back to him and drawing closer to him. As far as I'm concerned, that's always the answer. You know, you're not going to go wrong when you are tethered to the one that's been holding you all along. Anyway, I love it.

I love it. Jen, thank you so much. This has been amazing. And where can people go to get more of you?

They can find me on Instagram. That's my favorite place, Enbobicon. And on Facebook, I met Jen Bobacan, author. And also My website is jennbobacan.com awesome.

Fantastic. Jen, thank you so much for this. I know this has blessed a lot of women and I hope it has just helped them to think, to rethink really what it means, what their identity is in Christ. So thank you so much.

Thank you so much for having me. What a blessing to be here.

Oh, it was great.

Thank you. Thank you.

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