Takeover Tuesday: Natalia Kern

Here's the big question. How are these average, everyday moms getting radical results in their lives? How are they able to transform their health, money, families, homes, and have fun doing it?

The trick.

We're not average.

I'm Hannah Keeley and I'm going to.

Spill our secrets and answer your questions right now in that mom.

Hey, everyone, it's Hannah here. And I'm so excited that I have got an amazing guest with me, Natalia Kern. And if you haven't heard about her, let me just tell you she is amazing at helping women find their power. Not really find their power, but rediscover their power and rediscover their voice, which I am so passionate about, because I want moms to understand what an incredibly powerful position they have and what a dramatic influence they can have on people's lives. I think when we mute our own light and our voice, it's going to hurt those children that we're trying to embrace. So, Talia Kern, thank you so much for hanging out with us and getting this party started and helping women discover their power. Yay.

Thank you so much for having me here. I'm so happy to share this with you message and have a great conversation with you.

Yes, yes, absolutely. Now, what is. Before we move into it, I want to find out what are the biggest obstacles you have seen for women who feel disempowered, who feel the way our mind goes is the way our energy level goes. So a lot of reasons. The reason that moms are often so tired and overwhelmed is not the physical thing, but the mentality.

Absolutely. I think the biggest obstacle for women is the obstacle they decide to give power to. It can be anything, really. It can be something small. It can be something really dramatic depending on the emotional baggage that we're carrying from the past into our future and just. And wonder, why can we fly? Why can't we leap forward? Why can't we make that first step? But we carry a load of rocks, you know, in our backpack and trying to go faster or try to go and rise higher, and it's impossible to do. I think the biggest obstacle that I am noticing working with women is that they are looking for permission.

Oh, that's good.

And to do something they want or wanted for so long, they forgot what it was, you know, because we are so good at being a nurturer. We're born nurturers. We're born givers.

Right.

It's our maternal instinct, especially if it's activated. We have children, so our maternal instinct gets activated. So we give Give, give, give, give. And if we are not taught about taking care of yourself and we're not taught about refueling your energy reserves and taking care of your emotional health, we burn ourselves down. And we do it until we collapse. And then we're trying to figure out how do we replenish our health and go and give more? It's non stop. It should be a lifestyle.

It should be a lifestyle. Yeah, absolutely. Because this is what happens. We get frustrated with our own lives. We get run down, we get exhausted, just like you said. And then we start to hate ourselves because of the mom that we've become. We're yelling at our kids, we don't have time for them, we are resentful toward them. And we don't realize that it all started with when we stopped getting fueled up.

Absolutely, yes. I think that very often women are. Well, we're not taught that. It's not taught in school. So the very first blueprint that we are following, it's what we observed growing up. It's our environment, it's our parents, our teachers, our. The books or movies we got inspired by. But it's nothing that we really learn in the manual. Nobody gives us a manual with our children. Right. It's just like, here you go, your maternal instinct will kick in. Just wait.

Right, right. It does it, you know? Yeah.

And they all give you how great it is to bond and how great it is to give and how great it is to either breastfeed or volunteer in school. But nobody tells you how important it is to. To connect with yourself and make sure that you are taken care of. Your health is on point, making sure that you are having that peaceful moment to yourself every single day so you can give more, so you can be more and you can be present with your children. Nobody tells you that it's okay to love yourself. And I don't know about you, but it becomes sort of a competition. Who breastfeed better, who is absolutely devoted. And God forbid you work on the side.

Yeah, yeah.

Who's volunteering more. And when you volunteer, you like who's doing it better. It becomes. Or how many things we sign our children. Children up for. It becomes this unspoken competition which is very stressful. And if you participate in that, it's exhausting.

Almost like we become the moms that we never want to be.

Yeah, yeah. Fear, pressure.

And all of a sudden we find ourselves making like this, decisions that are totally out of alignment with who we are and our values. And we wonder why we feel so disconnected and why we feel so such a lack of energy and such a lack of passion for life is because we're living someone else's life.

Exactly. Yes. And if we are not conscious about the choices and decisions that we are making, we will end up making somebody else's. We will be letting somebody else's trend or desires or will help somebody else to fulfill their dreams, but not ours. So it's very dangerous to be detached from yourself. It's very important to stay connected with who you are, to stay connected to that inner child of yours. Especially when we, when we become mothers, that inner child gets activated. We might think like we figured it all out. I think that's fine. I think I'm ready to have children. And when we have children, all of a sudden we start feeling different triggers and where is it coming from? Why am I so vulnerable? Why am I so emotional outside of being, you know, deprived of certain nutrients after giving birth and breastfeeding? If you're doing that would just be perpetually forever. Yes. It never stops. It's not coming anytime soon. Let's be real about this.

No, it's not. It's not. But so we start to get connected with our inner child and correct me if I'm wrong, Natalia, but those struggles that we dealt with and those issues that were unresolved, all of a sudden those begin to surface.

Yeah. Yes. Because it's not going away. It's just suppressed by our memory. But when we have children, it certainly activates itself and it surfaces. And if we are not careful, we just giving that inheritance to our children. Right. First blueprint. And it doesn't matter what you say, it doesn't matter what you try to fake in your life, they feel you before they see you.

Oh, that is so good. That is so good.

Often when I am worried or I would, for whatever reason, I would get anxious about something, my little four year old will just charge into the bedroom. Mommy, Mommy, I had a nightmare. I want to be with you every single time. So that connection is very important. And we feed just like through an umbilical cord. When they are in the womb, we are feeding them that emotional health. So it's very important to be connected with yourself and just figure it out. It doesn't have to be heavy therapy attending to yourself and when you look at yourself and travel back and see. Because not everybody has the emotional trauma to deal with.

Right, right.

You know, but people who are trying to forget certain things or let go of certain experiences in their memories so they can be free of it, it's Very important to travel back and see that child you were once and tell her she's okay.

Oh, that's so beautiful. That is so beautiful.

Just visit her and reassure her that, look at me. I'm good. You see, we have a child. You're gonna be fine. I'll take care of you, and nobody will ever hurt you emotionally, physically, or however women get hurt. The. Because I'm a grown woman. And from now on, you are taken care of. So you can either part with her and say goodbyes and just have that beautiful memory, or you can take her and place it in your heart and protect her forever. She's in my heart. My baby, Natalia is in my heart. And it's just something that. Especially having a daughter for me, really activated everything that I tried not to remember. And you can't help yourself. So when you try force that to go away, what does it do? It's right here. So you have to deal with it. You have to handle it, and you have to cut that off and let it go so you can be free.

That is so amazing.

You know what?

One of the most transformational exercises. I have a mom bootcamp. A lot of moms have been through that. And one of the first exercises we do, Natalia, is to get them to find a picture of themselves when they were younger and be able to write a letter to that girl. And if there needs to be an apology, if there needs to be an explanation, do it. But then affirm that girl and let her know you got her, you love her, you're looking out for her, and you're on her side. And that one exercise has been such a catalyst for incredible change in these women's lives. Like, incredible change. And it's just really amazing to me that God has established a way for us to step into our power. Because we're so powerful. If we realize for just one second how powerful we are, I think it would just. It would just leave us awestruck.

Absolutely. I think we are afraid of our own power very often.

Yeah.

We are looking for permission for that sign to be given to us to. To allow us to own our own power. Whereas God's given power from birth, we have it. This is our feminine essence, this divine energy in us that we need to own. And it's a serious power. That's why for ages, it was suppressed in us.

Yeah, I know. I know. And so if you're looking for a sign right now, and you stumbled across Natalia and me, and here's your sign. It's time for you to Realize how powerful and how influential you really are. And to step into that and quit backing away into a corner that was never meant for you. You're not supposed to be shying away from your life, shying away from your power. You're supposed to be stepping into that. I think it's very intimidating, though. And it's almost like, well, I don't know if I can really believe this or not. You know what I mean? For a lot of women.

And I think because when we dream about something, we get scared of our own dreams and that big forgetting that it's supposed to be scary. Because right now it's your point A and your point B is much farther. We meant to grow to that. We're meant to become that higher version of ourselves. So it's a journey from point A to point B. It's a journey, right? And it meant to be enjoyed. It meant to be traveled consciously. So we are learning lessons and those mistakes and failures we are so afraid of. And that's why a lot of women don't begin that journey, because it's scary, it's unknown. I'm not sure what's that journey bringing.

To me right now.

I might be uncomfortable, I might be even miserable, but at least I know how to deal with it, right? When I stop and make that first step, step into the unknown, what do I do there? I am not sure what is going to be worse, what isn't going to be rejected, embarrassed, failed, make mistakes where we misconstrue in those mistakes and signs for something awful and painful and can be very uncomfortable, obviously. But these are the road signs telling you you should not go there or there is a dead end, you should turn around. When we travel in the car, we don't stop and quit, right?

Right.

Oh, this is that. And that's it. I quit. I'm never again so good.

Yes, yes.

We turn around. We find our way so we can go back home or to the point of destination. Yet in life, we so often quit and we jump out of that car. We should not, right? So that point A, where we are right now based on all the emotional trauma we might be carrying with ourselves, all the experiences or lack of experiences are gifts or talents, strengths and weaknesses. Whatever we are right now as is right point A and there is point B, that's our vision, our dream, or those things that we're scared to even born.

Right? Right, Right.

We meant to travel the journey, read the signs. And it's not just obviously the end goal. We have to travel the Journey being aware of everything that's happening. Not just because we want to enjoy that phase of our life, but also to mature emotionally. So we'll be prepared for that success, for new relationships, for new position at work, for your teenage child. If you just started and something that help you to mature and handle that, you probably noticed people sometimes get lucky or gain that immediate success. Somehow it happens, you know, the stars align and they have it and they don't know what to do with it. So they sabotage and they have to start all over again. They didn't travel that journey consciously.

Yeah.

It didn't mature emotionally. I know for. Well, in our relationship with my husband, I wasn't prepared for him 10 years ago. I had to travel that road. I had to have my heart breaks, I had to have that pain. I had to be hit in the face with life, you know. So I will learn. Yes, right. So I will be prepared for him. And I would be. You know, we always joke with Frank saying if you want to have a perfect 10 in your life, in anything really, you have to be a 20. Because that perfect 10 has their own perfect 10.

Yes. Oh my gosh, that is so good. That is so good.

And I'm not talking about perfection. I'm not talking about being always prim and proper, always perfect. No. I'm talking about being your own person and being complete and not looking for somebody to complete you, make you whole or place the responsibility of you being happy on their shoulder.

Yeah.

Because it's an incredible burden. You don't want to place that unfair. No, it's not fair. It's nobody's responsibility but yours. Right. So a lot of women who are secluding themselves to just a family, to to just a child, to just a husband, they're missing out on something that we must experience. The sisterhood, the support of the girls. Because we are born with just in our DNA, with half of the serotonin or happy hormone that is an external source driven. And men already have twice as much. That's why they are okay to be by themselves very often.

And I had no idea about this. That is incredible.

We design like this. So we have to go in the meadow and chit chat with each other and bring home the report and tell everything. That's how we designed. We are going as human being, as women. We are designed to go and explore. Oh, this is bear. This berry is edible. You're not going to die. That shop has a discount. We do it from the very beginning.

That is so good. So we're designed to need one another. And here's what I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, Natalia, but sometimes our own insecurities, whether we adopted those as a child or received the messages of like, no, you need to be happy with what you got and don't put yourself out there, life is hard. We will adopt these messages. It makes us insecure because of the level we're at in life. And so we won't reach out to others because we think everyone else has got their act together. I'm the only one that's totally clueless here.

Right. And we all think that way.

Yeah.

Every single person.

Crawl in, realize, oh, that's normal, right?

Absolutely. We are all very good at criticizing, criticizing ourselves. That inner critic is non stop. Right. We see ourselves, I have this exercise, seeing yourself past your flaws. Because very often we see ourselves with somebody else's eyes through those filters that we adapted. Like you're saying, very often we are internalizing as children at very vulnerable age, unbeknownst to us, we're internalizing voices, words, critique, abuse or good stuff and it becomes our own internal voice. But we don't even question it. Is it my own voice? Right. My own eyes that I'm looking at myself in the mirror?

Yeah, yeah.

Whose mind am I using? Whose habit am I using? Why am I not questioning it if it's not serving you? We need to question it. We need to say, well, this is not working for me. What can I do about it? How can I change this? Because it's not working for me. And obviously if it's not working for you, it's not going to work for your husband and not going to work for your children.

And it's not going to work for you somewhere down the road either, of.

Course, because we get only more resentful and bitter and we don't like when other women are succeeding around us because we are not happy. Why this happens, why jealousy happens, why negative comments, crazy comments sometimes happen on social media. Sometimes.

Oh well, yeah. We're so obsessed with social media it's ridiculous.

First of all, it's safety of being somewhere where nobody sees you. But then obvious reason is you are highlighting somebody else's struggle and somebody else's broken dreams and somebody else's, well, not quitting on themselves.

Yeah, yeah, true.

Yeah. So I think whenever we are afraid, because we are all afraid at some point, some more than others, we all have the same needs. We just have different needs that dominate us and motivate us. So for somebody, it's the need of being significant for somebody is to realize their potential for somebody is to connect and belong to a certain tribe and certain group of people or status in life. We all have that dominant need and it comes from our past. That's just how we shaped. But we always need to realize those fears are natural and we shouldn't be fearless because fears protect us from dying, from hurting.

Right, right, right. Fear is part of life. We're supposed to have fear, but it's not supposed to tell us what to do.

We need to own them and tame them instead of being owned by them.

Right.

Because it just blocks us from where we want to go. Right. So when we are afraid of something, we often do this exercise where you just list it. What if this happened? Write down your worst case scenario. So let's say you want to go back to work or you want to exit toxic relationships or you want to have another baby or whatever it might be for a woman. What is that fear? What if I fail? Nobody wants to be rejected, nobody wants to be laughed at, Nobody wants to. Or heartbroken or whatever that fear might be. Or disconnected. Sometimes women are afraid of that success because they don't want to disconnect from their current tribe.

Right.

It happens. Not everybody's ready for you to grow.

And you can't expect for them to be in the same place where you.

Are and you should not. I think a lot of women get resentful towards their family members or the girls group, expecting them to just become the biggest cheerleaders where it's not gonna happen, it's not their journey and they might be resentful towards that because they are afraid to lose you. What if you will brighter pictures and you won't need them any longer, you know, so that's something that we need to take into account. But when we list our fears, whatever it might be for, everyone has their own and our worst case scenarios outside of death, usually they fall into three categories. The first one is overly exaggerated because if we are suffering and silence and not vocalizing our fears, they become so.

Big, they just get bigger and bigger.

Yes. It's just like a shadow, you know?

Yeah. Yes, yes.

And in reality it's much, much smaller. So when we list it, we create that visual for ourselves and when we read it back like, ah, okay, it's not going to happen. I'm not going to die.

I have to tell you something funny that just kind of affirms this right here where that first thing you talked about, how it's just an exaggeration I was literally before I started transforming my own life, I remember just living in fear. Like, creating scenarios just to create fear in my life. And literally, I think it was like after I'd seen some kind of science fiction movie, I was laying in bed, gripped in fear. If aliens were to attack my home, how would I get my kids out? Like, I'm thinking through all this, and then I realized, what am I doing? But here's the thing. It's like the shadow. Because an onlooker can say, girl, you are really messed up right now. Okay, Chill. But when you're trapped inside your own anxiety, you can't see the exaggeration of it. You can't see how you're feeding this fear that has no ground at all.

Exactly. I think it's important. The key word you. Feeding your fear. So when we are in silence, you know, suffering alone, and so many women are suffering in silence, even when they have a lot of friends, we just feel intimidated to admit to certain things. Or, what if we're being judged? I don't want to be judged. I don't want to be outcasted. I don't want to be disconnected. Right. So. And even if they don't say anything, you're afraid that they're judging you in silence. Right. So when. When we are trapping that fear, it gets. It's brewing inside, just like the mold in the wall. So we have to clean it up. We have to get it out, breathe.

Right.

And give office space. And the overly exaggerated fears, usually you understand it right away after you write it down. There are minutiae fears that obviously just noise that you need to learn how to mute. And obviously some examples of that. For instance, they're really not valid fears. Like, well, if somebody gives a negative comment to me, well, okay. Or just small things that we should not give power to. That's just silly. I'm not gonna even pay attention to it.

Right, right, right.

Yeah. But then there are fears that are 50, 50, so. So it might happen. It might happen. You might get rejected. You might make mistakes. Actually, you will make mistakes. You just embrace that fact. It's inevitable. It's gonna be challenging. It's gonna be uncomfortable because anything, any change is uncomfortable. Growing pains are still pains. Right. So we are growing. So it's either pain of being complacent and procrastinating and miserable in your current position because you are beating yourself up and really flogging yourself to death.

Yes. Yeah.

Or you go into the pain of unknown and changing yourself and growing Evolving. And it's uncomfortable, but it's so much better, so much fulfilling. Right. So you ask yourself a question. Is it worth the risk?

Yeah.

Is it worth the risk for you to go out there and become vulnerable and potentially get rejected and potentially get heartbroken? Is it worth the risk? And for that reason, we need to know our why. Why are we doing it? Why do we want it so much? Why do we have this dream? Those reasons are our stamina and the endurance through the challenges, through that journey.

Yeah. And when you have a strong why, like some people, like, I don't know the next step to take, but if you have a strong enough why, that now will take care of itself. You'll figure it out.

Yeah, you'll figure it out. And we give so much power to our distractions and excuses because we are afraid to make that first step or the next step. And we subconsciously get distracted and validate all those things that are happening to us that prohibiting us from moving forward. Where in reality, if you really, really, really, really want something, you know, you'll figure it out.

You know you will. You absolutely will. But here's. But here's the thing, Natalia. It's going to take a bold move. It's going to take risk. It's going to take you being willing to go through the fear and do it anyway. And it's that every single result I've had in life that was positive that pushed me forward. I did it afraid. And I think, yeah, we have to.

And.

And if we can just acknowledge that we are a powerful person and we do have a voice that needs to be heard and we can make a change not just in our lives, but in this world, all of a sudden we realize we're not just doing it for ourselves and we can get beyond that and go into that place of the unknown. Because you said it earlier, as much as. As uncomfortable as we are where we are, we have a tendency to stay there because at least we know this uncomfortable. We know this discomfort.

Safety. Yeah. To seek safety, shelter, comfort, pleasure, and get away from the discomfort and challenge. But whenever we are not challenged, we become bored and we lack that fulfillment. And we feel guilty about it because how dare I feel unfulfilled when I have seemingly everything? There are other people who are struggling, challenge, going through much worse challenges, and here I am not fulfilled. But because we, you know, like Maslow's table of human needs.

Yeah.

Go through our basic needs, then we go through the, you know, connection with each other, creating that family, belonging to a tribe Whether it's your family, your sisterhood, your work. And then after we fulfill that need and we feel established there, we want more, we want transcendence, we want to give, we want to share, share, teach. We want to evolve on a completely different level. Right. And there is nothing there to feel guilty about. You are doing right and you are doing right for your children to watch and learn from you because it's so important. And it's impossible to think about those things when you are in the survival mode. I remember growing up, it was. It was just crazy. I would read books, I would meditate, I would visualize and then I would just open my eyes and see the reality and like, how in the world am I going to do this? You know, because it's just flashing. But I think if you just open your mind and open your heart and do your best every single day, every single opportunity in preparing yourself for those challenges. Because opportunities never stop, stop. They never stop knocking. We just stop preparing for them.

Oh, that's good.

You know, you always have to be ready because opportunities are always there. You know how you want something else, then all of a sudden you send it out there and you see signs. You see people talking about you. Now you're watching a video about it. What is happening? Why? Because you're conscious about it. You're looking for tools and signs that will get you towards that goal.

Yeah, that's so true.

Yeah. So it's very important to give yourself that power back.

Are you ready to get radical results in your life? I can give you the jump start you need for massive success as a mom. In fact, I've got that mom show starter kit right here with your name on it, girl. And I want to give it to you absolutely free. Just go to thatmomshow.com or text the word kit. K I T to 345345. That's the word kit to 345345. That mom show starter kit comes with my best selling time management program for moms. Squeeze the day. My guided faith based master mom meditation and a printable copy of the Master Master mom manifesto. Print that baby out. Say it every day. Just watch what happens. That mom show starter kit is valued at over $300. But I want you to have it for free. Just go to thatmomshow.com or text the word kit. That's K I T to 345345. Again, text kit to 345345. I'll talk with you later.

Sa.