The 7 Princess Wounds: Part 1

I'm so excited you're here inside Mom Mastery University. We are beginning a brand new series called the Seven Princess Wounds. Those childhood wounds that prevent us from becoming the queens we were designed by God to be. Now, today, we're going to dive into that first wound, the wound of abandonment. Once upon a time, there is a princess. She was abandoned. Could be you. Let's see what happens. Welcome to Mom Mastery University. The education every mom should have had but didn't. I'm Hannah Keeley, America's number one mom coach. And class is now in session. All right, roll up your sleeves, step into your princess shoes, because we are going to discover how to heal from those princess wounds. There are seven of those wounds, and we're going to spend some time in each one of them. Today, we're talking about the wound of abandonment. That's that princess who never felt seen, never felt heard, never felt noticed, what happened as a result and how she became a queen. We're going to dive into that and figure out how to release that healing through the power of God. Now, we always have a key verse for entire series, so our key verse for the seven princess wounds. Jeremiah 30, 17. Let me read this to you. It says, I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord. See, God does the healing, but we have to be an active participant in it. So this is how we're going to do that. Now, again, none of our childhoods were perfect. So how about this? Let's stop blaming our childhood for our current situation. A lot of us are stuck in that place where we're blaming our past for the. The problems that we're having in our present and not reaching our potential. Well, it's because of how I was raised, the problems I have with money or relationships or my career. Sabotage, whatever that looks like. Well, it's because of my childhood. But here's the deal again. None of our childhoods were perfect. It's not about being perfect. It's about being perfected in God through his word. So everything we talk about in this entire series, it's not so we know what to blame. I. I think today in our culture, we so glorify trauma and kind of like, hold it as a permanent place that prevents us from. From. From reaching our potential. We're always carrying around this wound. We're blaming it. So this entire series is not so we know what to blame is, so we know where to begin. Okay, because I'm gonna walk you through that healing process that all of us can participate in. It's not like one person can get healed and another one can't. God is no respecter of persons. He can do total healing in everyone who is willing to participate. So in each one of these wounds, we're going through a seven part process of total healing. And I will walk you through it. Trust me. I've been coaching for decades. I know how to coach moms and I know how to help you get the healing that God wants to get to you. Now, the first thing we have to understand is we have childhood wounds, okay? It doesn't mean we all had a bad childhood. It means that whenever there was anything in our, in our life that was less than perfect as a child, what happens is we operate with egocentricity. That means we perceive everything in relation to us. For example, if we hear our parents squabbling, we think, well, it's because of me, I'm to blame. Or, or if there's money, a money situation, well, it's because of me. If I weren't here, they would have more money. So a child up to the age of nine perceives everything in relation to themselves. That's why we hear so much of childhood trauma. Maybe your childhood was traumatic, or maybe you just perceived it as traumatic because perception is not reality. See, we all see the world as. As we are, not as it is. Did you get that? We see the world as we are. We perceive the world. Positive, negative, scary, safe, as we are. Our inner programming is filtering everything we perceive. And so we see the world as we are, not literally and objectively how the world is. Okay, so first we're going to stop making it our identity. Our wound is not our identity. It's just something that happened that now provides us an opportunity of developing more intimacy with God. Digging. Digging deeper into his word and developing strength as a result of it. Did you know that? That your wound, your trauma, can actually become your triumph? Yeah. We're going to discover how to do that as well. Because we're always growing. We're always a work in progress. And part of that is the healing to now achieve the future that God destined for all of us. We are all designed to rule and reign in the kingdom of God. So if you're listening to this, you are designed to be a queen or a king if you. If you're a guy. But when we get stuck in our past, we're always stuck in that princess wound. We never get to evolve to being a queen. So this is where we're going to dig in. There's goodness in everything. Even in the tough pain and the hurtful times, in the trauma. There is goodness in everything. And here's what I know about pain and hurt and suffering. See, a wound leaves a scar. Now, a scar may not be pretty, but guess what? It's so strong in its beauty. I think scars are like the best tattoos. They're like tattoos with stories, right? We all have stories. I know. Now let's use those stories and to motivate us to achieve more, to be more, to become more, to become the queen. Now, the first one we're going to talk about is the wound of abandonment. We're digging into the story of Sleeping Beauty. So let me go and start the story. Once upon a time, there was a princess. When she was born, the entire kingdom rejoiced and celebrated. Fairies were invited to see the baby princess, and each brought with them a gift to give to the new child. But alas, before they could finish bestowing their gifts, an evil fairy appeared and cursed the princess, saying she would die on her 16th birthday from the prick of a spindle. But the curse was quickly lessened when one of the good fairies said she would not die, but merely fall asleep until she could be kissed by her true love. Because of the fear of being discovered by the evil fairy, the princess was sent away to live and grow up as a peasant with the three kind fairies. But the curse still came to pass, and she fell into a deep, deep sleep. Will she ever wake up? That's where we're going to start. Will she wake up? Maybe you've been abandoned. Maybe in your childhood, you didn't feel seen, you didn't feel heard, you didn't feel noticed. So the first part that we're going to dive into. Remember, this is a seven part process. A seven step process. This first step is to look at your experience and your exposure. So think about in the past. Were you left alone? Were your parents may. Maybe it wasn't that you were left alone or abandoned, but maybe your parents were just too busy or consumed with other things to really notice you. Maybe you felt unnoticed or unseen. Maybe no matter what you did, you couldn't get attention, right? Good or bad. Maybe. Maybe you were bad to get attention. Maybe you were extra good to get attention. But the whole drive was just somebody noticed me, right? All of us have a need to feel seen and heard. Maybe that need was not met in your childhood. It could also feel like isolation. I'm all by myself. I'm the only one who cares. No matter what I do, no one's there. For me, maybe that could actually bring up feelings of worthlessness. Did that ever happen in your childhood? Think back. The experience you went through and what you were exposed to as a child, did it make you ever feel worthless? Like, maybe if I can prove myself, prove my worth, someone will love me, someone will pay attention to me. See, it doesn't always have to be like a physical abandonment. It doesn't mean like, you know, you were left alone as a child all the time, you had to like, raise yourself. It may not be like that. Maybe it was just the lack of affection or the emotional support. Support of a family or a parent. See Sleeping Beauty, she was abandoned by her parents. She was raised by fairies as a peasant. She is using. Destined to be a queen, raised as a peasant. Now she was raised as a peasant to protect her, but she didn't realize that in her mind it could be like, wow, my, my parents just abandoned me. They just left me. Here I am with, hanging out with a bunch of fairies. They just left me. Now, they may have had a good reason, but she may or may not have realized that. So maybe you've been abandoned. Maybe your parents had a good reason. We're not going to blame them. Remember, this isn't about playing the blame game. This is about just acknowledging the pain that you could have gone through in the trauma so we can recognize the wound, uncover it, and allow the healing to begin. Now, being alone can feel isolating, right? No matter what, good or bad, it's like we just can't be noticed, we can't be seen. So I want you to think about that. What experience have you had? What were you exposed to that made you potentially feel abandoned? And we're going to move to the second step. That second step is looking at the core belief. See, when we go through childhood, that's when we're really forming our core belief system. It's kind of like that subconscious filtering system that navigates all the decisions you make for the rest of your life. Yeah, there's a lot of grown up 7 year olds making decisions. We don't want that for you. Okay, you're inside. Mom. Master University, this is time for master yourself as a, as a mom, as a woman, to master your life. So think about this. Your core belief. Typically, if you have ever experienced abandonment, you may have developed this core belief of I'm not worthy of attention or affection. It may be a core belief, people will leave me. I can't depend on people. I'm not worthy. I'm going to end up alone anyway. Think about it. Does that ever come up? Does that ever come up when you're facing relationship, when you're going after a new opportunity, anything like that? Well, I'm all by myself and it's all on me, right? I'll end up alone anyway. I don't have a support system. So look at that core belief. Think about what is that core belief that typically makes decisions for you as an adult and the things that often hold you back from overcoming your obstacles or from fulfilling your potential. What is that core belief? Now, like I said, an abandonment is often, I'm not worthy of attention, I'm not worthy of affection, I'm not worthy of love. And we can really only receive the love that we feel worthy of. So think about that could really hurt your relationships in your life. Now, the third step is the faith formula. Now if you've been with me for any time, if you've gone through our coach training program called Covenant Coach Academy, if you've been inside Mom Master University for any amount of time, you definitely know about the faith formula. What that is is basically based upon the Bible on roman in Romans 12:2, it tells us that we're not supposed to conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind. So the faith formula means we get a new thought. That thought directs how we feel. Our feeling now directs what we do. And what we do determines what we have, think, feel, do, have. You'll see me and hear me going back to that over and over and over. Because it's really like the, the formula that we use to operate in faith and create the life that God designed us to live, that abundant, crazy, blessed life. Now think about the faith formula. In this situation of the wound of abandonment, it looks like this. Your thoughts. We already talked about the core belief. It's like, I'm not worthy, I'm not valuable. People leave me. I can't depend upon people. So when you feel, when you think that thought, I'm not worthy, how does that feel in your body? You typically will feel it showing up as like this desperate energy, maybe an insecurity, you're not stable, maybe even a tightness in your body. Maybe if, maybe you feel unsettled, right? Because you have such a fear, fear of being alone and being lonely and so you don't feel settled. Also it, sometimes it shows up in your body as gut issues, sometimes acid reflux, sometimes you'll have tension headaches and even jaw pain. Does that sound like you. Have you gone through any type of Abandonment issues as a child. And, and you feel that tightness showing up in your gut and your, and your chest and your jaw and tension headaches. Now that's how it feels in your body. But what does it cause you to do? Remember, think, feel, and then do. What is that feeling in your body, that tightness, that insecurity? What does it cause you to do? Typically it cause you, it causes you to have desperate attempts to achieve worthiness. You try over and over to become worthy enough to deserve attention, support, support, love. Also, it feels like you cling to people. Sometimes you'll notice that, that it makes you, because of this fear of abandonment, you excessively cling to other people in a relationship. Maybe it even means that you just tolerate more than your fair share because you're so afraid of being alone and abandoned. It could also look like you're going from one relationship to another relationship to another relationship, just a string of relationships. Because that fear of being alone is starting to dominate all your decisions. Also think about not just relationships. They can show up as one project after another project after another project. Because again, you're trying to achieve worthiness in your efforts and your performance. Also it shows up as an extreme fear of loneliness. Causes you to make decisions you wouldn't normally make if you weren't so afraid of being abandoned and alone. Constant vigilance to not be abandoned again, clinging to people, maybe even self sabotaging and abandoning a relationships before they have an opportunity to abandon you. Or maybe it's potentially like prematurely failing a project before you have the opportunity for it to fail you. Right, because we don't want to face that. It feels lonely, feels insecure, Also excessive toleration in order not to be left alone. Could you be in a relationship where you're just like tolerating things, tolerating things that demean you, that demoralize you, that could potentially hurt you. Just because you're so afraid of being without that person being not in that relationship, being alone. Also a defense mechanism, like I said, abandoning a person or a situation, before that situation, person can abandon you. Also, never enough. It shows up in all the areas of your life. There's not enough time, not enough energy, not enough support, not enough love. Okay, if you're watching the video, I had to just a little bit because this afternoon light is coming in like crazy. But anyway, so now, now you have the dog in the background, so enjoy that. Okay. How else does this show up in your life? Well, also a sleep state. That's why this is Sleeping Beauty. So that sleep state is distracting yourself to such an extent that you're not facing the loneliness, right? You don't want to feel lonely, so you kind of. That distraction, you're buffering, you're constantly. It's almost like living unconsciously because you don't want to face potential abandonment. Also, you have this urgent energy chasing down the next thing, the next project, the next, Next relationship, the next situation, chasing down the next thing you quote, unquote, need. Maybe you don't need it. Maybe you just need the distractions so you don't feel lonely. Now, remember the faith formula. You think, feel, do, and have. So what do you have as a result? Well, you don't have secure relationships. You don't have any peace, right? You're sleepwalking through life with distractions. You even take on, like, all these jobs and everything. So you're so consumed with things, with stuff, with. With things pulling at you so you don't feel lonely. High distractibility. Always looking for the next thing to latch onto. And sometimes they can show up as an orphan spirit. And that orphan spirit is just basically that mentality of like, I got this. Leave me alone. I can do it. It's all up to me. Is that true? Well, if you believe it long enough, you make it true. And then all of a sudden, this fierce independence can implode. And now you feel lonelier than ever. So that's what it looks like when you have the wound of abandonment. Maybe you have it, maybe you know someone who does have it. Definitely share this with them. If you do now, what do you do with it? Okay, now that we know about it, remember, it's not enough to know about something. We have to change this. We're going to transform it to just like Romans 12:2 tells us, right? We're not supposed to conform to the pattern of this world that just blames everyone and just continues to, like, hold this wound and nurture this wound and feed this wound. No, we're supposed to be transformed. How? By the renewing of our mind. So our first step to do that is step number four, which is elegant blaming. Those of you, again, who have been through Covenant Coach Academy, who are trained coaches, and inside there, you know what elegant blaming is? If you're going to blame a situation for the worst stuff, you also have to blame a situation for the best stuff. Actually, elegant blaming is. Is Romans 8:28, it says that all things. All things, not just the good things, all things work together for good, for those who are called by God, who love God. Are called by God according to his purpose. So we know we're called by God to an abundant life. So now we have to allow that elegant blaming, seeing how the positive can come out of the negative. When God's in charge, that's what happens. So think about this. When you have suffered with this wound of abandonment, what happens is it actually makes you extremely creative. It really does. Because a lot of times those are high achievers, they're creative people because you have distracted yourself. See, when you go through abandonment, it hurts so bad that instead of feeling lonely as a child, you kind of create your own dream world, right? You use your imagination, you create a world where it's not so painful, you're not so alone. So that high creativity, which you developed as a child, now can move into adulthood and you become a highly creative person. Because sometimes, sometimes you're trying to validate yourself through your accomplishments. So that does make you a high achiever. But it made you a high achiever, right? So that's pretty powerful. You. You're allowing really your dreams to be manifest because of your creativity. So I want to share something a little bit about what happened with me as a child, because I carry that wound of abandonment. My mom was there, my dad was there. But guess what? My mom had a hard time raising me. I was the youngest of seven, and she had. She struggled a lot with depression, anxiety. So my oldest sister raised me. She was 10 years older than me. And she literally raised me like she. I was her baby. Right? When she went off to college, I honestly felt abandoned. I thought my, my one trusted source has left me. And I was so angry. But guess what? It made me creative. I began to read more, I began to dream more. I began to create my own imaginary world. And guess what? I'm doing that today. So those things that the enemy had had, like, designed to tear me apart and destroy me, guess what? God used it to bless me and promote me and now help others and serve in the kingdom. So it all works for good, right? That's why we don't have to carry around wounds. That's why we operate in healing. Look at this. If you're looking at this on YouTube, there's this bright shining light. I feel like it's just illuminating this whole teaching series. This is so beautiful. I love this. And look at this. If you're watching again, this bright light is shining in right as we get to step number five, which is forgiveness. What happened there? Forgiveness. Forgiveness is that beautiful process of obedience that really allows God's light To shine in the most wounded places in your life and create something so beautiful, so powerful. Wow. Okay. If you are listening to this on the podcast, I just want you to go check out the video. Because God's presence is here. He is real, he is powerful, and he wants to show up so powerfully in your life. He designed that light just to come through when I talked about forgiveness. And I'm so grateful because he is in the business of forgiveness. See, the decision to. To forgive is obedience. When we forgive people. For example, I had to forgive my sister for abandoning me. Did she abandon me? No. She just went off to college. But I took it because I see the world as I am, not as it is. I took it as if I was being abandoned. So now I had to forgive her, even if she did nothing wrong. So it could be, maybe your parents did nothing wrong. Maybe they were really busy with their careers. They. Maybe they had to juggle a lot of things. Maybe just felt, not seen and not heard and not noticed. But this forgiveness is vital. Whether the person deserves it or not, whether they even did it or not. Forgiveness is just a step of obedience. Because God tells us to forgive, it's not like a suggestion. It is a command. And he commands us to forgive. Not so that we. We're letting the person off the hook. That's not forgiveness. Forgiveness is a way to let ourselves off the hook so we can get the healing that God intends. So this decision to forgive is just obedience in action. And how do you do that? Some people say, well, I. I forgave, but I still feel so resentful. Remember, your decision is a decision. It doesn't always have to show up in your feelings immediately. Right. Sometimes it takes time. So it's okay to forgive and then still feel a little resentment. That's where you then have to remind yourself, no, I forgave that person. They're forgiven. I let that go. It's gone. I love that person, and I love me. That's obedience. So even if you don't feel the effects of forgiveness, you still forgave. You still made a decision. It could be that decision right now, today, where you say the name of Jesus, I forgive that person. I bless that person. I let that person go. I'm no longer carrying the wound. I'm allowing the healing. Because God works all things out for good. That prayer is obedience. At that moment, you forgave. Do you have to feel it? No. Keep reminding yourself and watch that feeling work its way through your whole body, and you will get to that day when you're, when you think about the situation or think about that person, you're like, there's no resentment there. It's totally gone. There is healing. Love will allow the feeling of forgiveness to show up in your life, I promise you. So that's step number five is forgiveness. Step number six, I call it the lie to truth bridge. Now, behind every wound is a lie. That lie shows up in your core belief, how you believe about it. So a lie to truth bridge. A lot of times in Christian circles we think that as soon as we discover a lie and we replace it with the truth, bam. It's like an immediate transformation, but really it's more like a bridge that you walk across from the lie to the truth. We have to move across this bridge to completely absorb and receive and operate by that truth. It's not always easy to get out of a lie that you have perpetuated for 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 years, right? You've been living by that lie. So, So I know the truth can immediately not just reveal the lie, but, but now switch over your mentality to the truth. I know it can immediately overcome the lie, but it takes time to now incorporate it into your subconscious. So that's what I'm talking about, that lie to truth bridge. Now the liar is the Princess. That's all she knew. Don't, don't blame. Remember, this isn't the blame game. That's all she knew. Remember, the princess here is, I'm abandoned. I'm left alone. I'm not supported, I'm not seen, I'm not hurt. I'm not worthy enough. I'm not important enough. I'm not valuable enough. That's the lie that the Princess has, has lived by from childhood up to now. Now the truth has to come from the mouth of the Queen. She's the one that's going to call the shots. This is the Queen's truth. So in order to cross that bridge from the lie to the truth, the Queen has to connect with the Princess. We have to acknowledge the princess. We have to acknowledge that wounded child, to love that wounded child, to let that wounded child know that she's safe. And now I know there's a lot of like, inner child work, wounded child work. But what I've noticed, especially in mental health circles, is it's exhausting. It lasts forever. And now we're like glorifying the wounded child instead of just acknowledging and now making it right. See, God doesn't. God's blessing is immediate. Now faith is today we are righteous. Today we declare the goodness of God so God doesn't have to take this long time to heal. That's what's so wonderful about Christian mental health. If it's done the right way, if it's done according to the covenant that we have with God through Jesus, it can be so much faster. So it's not about like all the laborious inner child work. It's about the queen connecting with thee, with the princess and saying, I acknowledge the pain. I. I acknowledge the wound. I acknowledge that belief and that lie that you had to live by because you didn't have any other choice. And that's okay. But guess what? The queen has to step up, put on her crown and call the shots. Because you're not seven anymore. You're not eight anymore. You're not nine anymore. You're. You're a grown woman. And now you get to call the shots as the queen. So how do we do this? We have to let that princess know inside you're okay. You're seen. You've never been alone. It just felt like you were alone. You've never been alone. And the queen has to let the princess know I'm here. Now. I got you. Now remember, if you are not inside like a member inside. Mom. Master University. Get in there. Now just go to mommastery.com because this is where we're doing real life work together. We're actually working through this whole process together. So you never are alone. You're always surrounded and supported with your mom mastery sisters. So make sure you do that because I don't want you to try to do this alone. Now the lie here that the princess believed is loneliness is suffering. And I must avoid it at all costs because they did suffer in their loneliness. Now the truth that the queen has to stand on is I'm not alone. You have to remind yourself that God cannot abandon you. And with our truth, we're always going to find a truth in God's word that supports what we're trying to believe. Now that truth is in Matthew 13:5. Let me read this to you. He God himself has said, I will not in any way fail you, nor give you up, nor leave you without support. I will not. I will not. I will not. He said it three times. You know he means it when he says it three times. I will not in any degree leave you helpless, nor forsake, nor let you down, relax my hold on you. Assuredly not. God himself never leaves you alone. He never abandons you. He will not relax his hold on You. So even if you are alone, we're not lonely. Because the truth is God cannot abandon you even in those times where you're alone. So what, what this does for us is it helps us not have so much fear around being alone that we resort to holding on to relationships we need to let go or, or, or, or being clingy or distrust or all of these things that come up with this wound of abandonment. Now it allows us to make better decisions, to let things go, to free up our grip, right? So now we know because God never frees up his grip on us. We're never alone, we're never abandoned. Now step number seven, and this our last step, and it's our biggest step because we have to turn it around. We know the old faith formula, right? We know that thought, which is a lie, that created this feeling, that created what you do and now what you have. We're going to change this around for all the sleeping beauties out there. And this is a new faith formula. So the new thought is, I'm supported, I'm safe. I don't want you to think this, this sounds counterintuitive, but I don't want you to think, I'm never alone because that just makes your subconscious feel the threat of being alone. So I don't want you to say, I'm never alone. Even the word alone triggers, oh, I'm alone, I'm lonely, right? For the wound of abandonment, for that sleeping beauty that can almost have a adverse reaction. So I don't want you to think or say, I'm never alone. Subconscious picks it up. We're going to do in and out dialogue the thoughts inside. We're going to speak them out of our mouth because there's power in the words that you say. So here are some things, and I want you to write these down that you can think in your head and speak out your mouth. That in and out dialogue to help you heal from this wound of abandonment. I'm supported, I'm safe. People love me as I am. My needs are filled. I am worthy. I live in complete sufficiency. Those are just a handful. You come up with yours that are even more powerful and resonate with you personally. Now, when we think this, how's it going to make us feel? If you think like, I'm supported, I'm worthy, I'm loved, how's it going to make you feel? Well, it's going to make you feel stable, it's going to make you feel comforted. It's going to feel like a Deeper, more relaxed, more focused. Energy, right? You can, like, let go. You don't have to be so clingy now. What. How. How will this show up in what you do? Well, you'll be more loving. You'll. You'll be more loving towards yourself and to others. You'll be more accepting. You'll stay on board and not jump ship prematurely because you're afraid of being abandoned, right? You'll. You'll dig in a little further, a little deeper, because you have more trust in that relationship. Also, more successful completion will take on jobs and actually get them done. Because you're not looking at potential fear of not being able to complete it, of feeling abandoned by it. So be able to, like, stay on task, be more focused, and you won't have so much on your plate at one time, right? You'll be able to, like, take things off your plate because there's no longer this urgency of having to prove your value and prove your worth. And here's the big one. Ready for this? You can be alone without loneliness, sadness, frustration, or anxiety. That's so powerful. So let's wrap this up, okay? With the Queen's crowning glory. This wraps up the faith formula. Remember, Sleeping Beauty just numbed herself in her dream state because of that feeling of being left, of abandoned, of not noticed, not seen, not heard. She made up her own reality, really, in her dream life. Because her dreams are more pleasant and tolerable than her reality. She slept through life. You're not going to do that anymore. You ready for this? Wake up, Princess. You don't have to stay asleep and hide in your dreams. Wake up and create them. Throw the blankets off and put your feet on the floor. You already found your true love. You are seen, you are heard. You are loved. You will no longer be enslaved like a peasant needing their next meal. That was never who you are. Your loneliness did not kill you. It made you more creative. You didn't have the nurturing you sought after, so you created your own world where you felt safer. Now you can use that strength to serve the world by making it a safer, more supportive world for others. Only then will you become the queen you are destined to be and live happily ever after. Now remember, we do this work inside Mom Master University. I encourage you to get inside Mom Master University and level up to elite. I coach live every single Monday. We're working through this together. This is where you're supported, you're loved, and the growing happens. You're made to be a queen. Get inside Mom Mastery University and let's make it happen. I love you, friend. Be blessed like crazy. So what about you, Mama? Are you ready to enroll in the only school that will not only change your life, but also your legacy? Go to Mom Mastery University, where we dive deep into the biblical principles that give ordinary moms extraordinary results. Get enrolled today.