The 7 Princess Wounds: Part 2

Betrayal hurts. And if you're not careful, you could carry that pain around for the rest of your life. But we're not going to do that. Because here inside Mom Master University, we are in the middle of a seven part series called the Seven Princess Wounds. Basically, how do you heal from those childhood wounds to become the queen you are designed to be? And we are digging into the wound of betrayal today. Welcome to Mom Mastery University. The education every mom should have had, but mom didn't. I'm Hannah Keeley, America's number one mom coach. And class is now in session. Welcome back. I hope you are ready for some transformation because we are going through the childhood wounds and today we're talking about that wound of betrayal. Could be you, it could be someone you know. But I want you to really listen in. Now if you haven't listened to part one, make sure you go back and listen to that because it goes a little more in depth about childhood wounds. How we all have them and they're not there to hold us back. They're actually there so that they can leverage us to have a more powerful future. So it's not about blaming this and nursing pain. It's about leveraging pain to, to become more powerful. So make sure you go back and listen to part one. But we're digging into that wound of betrayal. So sit back because it's story time. Once upon a time, there was a princess. She was born with magical hair that would benefit anyone who is in possession of it. Everything was wonderful for the royal family. Until alas, one fateful day. Because of these magical properties, an evil witch stole the baby princess and escaped from the kingdom. The evil witch pretended to be her mother and kept her in a tall tower from which she couldn't escape. The princess was told the tower was there to keep her safe, but it was actually there to hold her hostage. The mother she thought she could trust betrayed her and violated Rapunzel's innocent trusting nature. Day after day, the evil witch used the princess's magical hair to climb in and out of the tower, never allowing the princess to to leave. The princess continued to stay locked in the tower day after day. Will the princess ever escape from the tower? And will she ever learn to trust again? So maybe there's this inner Rapunzel inside of you, that young girl who was betrayed. Maybe someone that you trusted in, someone you held in high esteem. They let you down. They betrayed that trust. They violated you. They hurt you. Now this could be something as, as serious as, as abuse. But we've learned Especially in part one, how a child processes everything egocentrically. So, so a child processes the experience and the exposure of their youth in relationship to themselves. They think they're the cause, they're the reason, they're the origin of everything. So it could be, what we could objectively say is like, oh, that was, that's a big deal. That was abuse, that was torment. Right? Or we could say, oh, that was just a little thing. However, for a child, everything is encoded in a big way. So I don't want to minimize or maximize any experience I want. We're just going to objectively look at it and say, wow, this is what I went through, I was betrayed. And we're going to find out now how to move through it with a seven part process. And I'm going to walk you through it. Okay? But that first part is experience. Experience and exposure. We have to look at the experience we went through and exposure, what we were exposed to as children. So for some, for some it might not be like you actually experienced it. And maybe you were just viewed it, you observed it. You especially core beliefs that we have and we grow into, maybe you didn't have an experience around that, but you learned from the way your parents taught, from the way they behaved, from the culture you were grown up in, that, that was, that was the way things were and you just developed that belief. So we're going to look, look at this because in the wound of betrayal, what happens is trust is violated. So you were safe until you weren't. And you may be able to look back at something in your childhood if this fits you. If you're that Rapunzel, you may be able to look back in your childhood and say, you know, there was, I trusted this person. I felt safe in their presence. And then one day I didn't. It could be something where, you know, I thought I, I felt safe with my parent. And then one day they just went on this outrage and were yelling and screaming and they were, they were crying and then I was like, oh my gosh, I don't feel safe anymore. It could be something like that, it could be something like I, I trusted in this person, this caretaker, and they violated me and they damaged me and they hurt me and threatened me. Could be something very serious. But in all cases of betrayal, what happens is trust is violated and the very people you feel you can depend on no longer can you can because they betrayed you. So this is kind of like in part one, we learned about the wound of abandonment and betrayal is kind of like Abandon, abandonment's cousin, really, because it is kind of a similar reaction. However, betrayal is the trust and the fall from trust. And that's, that's a really big rift to heal. But we know through the power of God, healing is 100% accessible, it's powerful, it's available. And we are going to learn today how to walk into that healing from this wound of betrayal. So this is where you're wounded, you can't trust, where abandonment doesn't feel supported. Like, when you're abandoned, you don't feel supported. With betrayal, you don't feel safe. So it's like you're always walking around, like, not sure if you can ever trust again. Right? And that's one of those core beliefs that we have to heal from. See, it's a hardened heart, and it's learned to harden itself, to protect itself in that place where they don't feel safe. And now how do you open up your heart and learn to trust again? That's what we're going to dig into now, Rapunzel. This princess, she thought she was safe in that tower. She thought that tower was there to keep her safe, keep her protected from all the evil in the world, right? But actually she was put there by the very person who wanted to destroy her, to manipulate her, to use her and to destroy her. She thought the tower was there to keep her safe, but it was there to imprison her. And just like the mother she thought she had, that, that she was safe with, was actually her biggest threat. So that could be what maybe you're experiencing in some manner from your childhood. Maybe you've been betrayed, and maybe you have that hardened heart that it's so hard to open up and learn to trust again. See, we're always, in the case of betrayal, we're kind of always peering around the corner looking for a potential threat, seeing what could possibly go wrong with people with relationships, with opportunities. We're always kind of shy away from them because we don't know where the risk is. We know there's a risk because we've been betrayed, and so we don't know where the risk is. It's almost like we, we even can't trust ourselves because we question our own judgment. I mean, think about it as a child. If you're like, wow, I, I thought I was safe with this person. I thought I knew who this person was. I thought I, I got comfortable with this person. And then they show their true colors, or this, or the situation showed their true colors, or this happened to me. And now we question ourselves, say, can I really get an accurate perception of what is safe and what is not? So it's not just we don't trust people or opportunities. We also kind of fall out of trust with ourselves because we question our judgment around people and situations. So that's the first part I want you to really look at. What is the experience I had as a child with just developing awareness with it? Okay, we're going to do something without awareness, but we have to develop awareness first. What was my experience and what was I exposed to? Is this a wound that I could be carrying around right now? And that's why I'm having a hard time trusting in people and opportunities, even in myself. Now that's the first part in step two, of course, we go to this core belief. Now the typical core belief, if you have this wound of betrayal, is I can't trust people. Basically I can't trust, I can't trust people, I can't trust opportunities, I can't trust myself. I can't trust I'm not safe. It can feel like everyone and everything will eventually show their true colors. Everything has a dark side. There's impending doom and I can't escape it. It's like this overall distrust that may look like pessimism. It may look like you just have a negative outlook and people are like, why do you always look for the worst thing and everything? Well, it could be because you didn't see it at one time, you were exposed to it and it hurts you. So of course you would always look for what is the dark side, what is the negative side of this, what is the risk Here you're more risk averse because of that. So that's the core belief we hold onto when we have that wound of betrayal. And now we're going to go to that third step, of course, which is the faithful formula. Now if you've been with me for any time at all, you know, everything goes back to that faith formula. It's basically the biblical way of how we transform our mind. And we can't really change our lives in a sustainable way until we go back and we change the thinking that created our life. So we always go back to the thought. Always go back to the thought. That's what we do. Because the way we think becomes how we feel. And how we feel determines what we do. And then what we do always determines what we have. Thank feel, do, have. That is the faith formula in a nutshell. If you've been through Covenant Coach Academy, where we train up life Coaches, that's just like second nature. You probably, like, can say it in your sleep. So let's look at that faith formula and break it down. Let's think about the thought. The thought, of course, is I can't trust. I can't trust people. I can't trust things. I can't trust opportunities. I can't trust myself. I don't feel safe. Now if you think that. If you think I can't trust. Now let's look at the feeling. Let's go to how that feels in your body. Not distrust is not a feeling, it's a thought. The feeling is that kind of energy that you feel in your body. That's emotion. Emotion is a kind of a physiological response to a thought that you have in your head. So that's where we're going to look at the emotion. So what, what do you feel when. When you think I can't trust? Well, you feel kind of this desperate, uneasy energy. Maybe you feel insecurity. Maybe there's tightness in your body or in your chest. Maybe you feel kind of unsettled. Oftentimes, a wounded betrayal will show up in gut pain. You also may see it in your body as heartburn. Like sometimes you have heartburn after eat. So you might say, gosh, I just, I can't eat that anymore. I get heartburn. Well, it could be that wounded betrayal because the way we think in our mind always shows up in our body, always shows up in our body, and sometimes we can even look at our body and see what we're thinking in our mind. So sometimes that. That heartburn will show up because of that wounded betrayal. Also joint pain, because of the rigidity and being able to trust. You might feel it in your joints and your. And your knuckles and your knees and your hips and your elbows. You also often have throat issues, especially in women. If women are suffering from that wounded betrayal, you will often have throat issues, problems swallowing, throat infections, things like that. Now that's how you feel in your body. Now when you're thinking this thoughts about distrust and you feel that in your body, what is it going to cause you to do? Well, think about it. You're going to start having very possessive and controlling behavior only because you're afraid of being let down. You're afraid of being betrayed. So you're going to have excessive controlling behaviors to avoid that betrayal. Also extreme fear of betrayal always, like wondering, am I going to be let down? What are they doing? Is this gonna. Is this going to be ruined? I don't want to get my hopes up, right? Because I could be betrayed, I could be let down. Also, one thing you'll do is you always need to know the details. I need to know the facts. I need to know the facts about the facts. I need to know where you were and I need to know what time you were there and who you were with and tell everything you talked about. Also another thing is we have worst case scenario thinking and we already talked about that, that pessimism only because you're looking around the corner afraid of like what, what's going to happen because of the experience you've had and the exposure you've had as a child, relationships, life, situations, everything like this worst case scenario. Also an unbalanced value of loyalty. Here's what I mean. Like we all value loyalty, right? That's why I love my dogs. The dogs are so loyal. However, it's this unbalanced value of loyalty. Like loyalty is everything and you must be loyal and, and it's almost like a exaggerated focus on loyalty because the disloyalty that you feel you experience as a child shows up like that. Also, you really can't respect another person' space. You like, always have to know their business, always get up in their face and know their business. Maybe people have told you this before. Can't respect another person's space. Prying, snooping behavior into other family members lives. Maybe as a mom you have to know everything your kids are doing. You have to like make sure you track them. You have to. And you can say it's safety. However, it could be a wound that's showing up in your life. Always having to like track their text, who's who, they're text. I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm saying be aware that this could be how this wound of betrayal feel is showing up and maybe holding you back from intimacy with people that you love the most in your family. Your children, your husband, your, your co workers, your friends. You always have like this snooping behavior. You have to know all the details. Also you feel like you're trapped in this tower of trust. I can only trust these few variables. You're still in the tower. You're still trapped in this tower of distrust. I can only trust this. It has to look this way, it has to be this way. It has to fit my mold. And then I can trust it. And then I can feel safe. It's a tower. God is your safety. God is your refuge. It says in the word of God, his name is like a strong tower. We can Run into it and we're safe. So your safety comes from God. However, with this wound of betrayal, often we try to see self manufacture safety in our life so that we can put this distrust to rest, ease it up a little bit. Also, people are on the outside until they're proven safe. It's like you keep your distance from people until they're proven okay, I can let you in my inner circle now. You're safe. Also the if you're a believer, it's this mentality of God. I need you to show me a sign. I need to show me another sign. Show me, just confirm this. Confirm it this many times. God, I'm going to lay out this fleece, if you know what I'm talking about and, and you're going to like let me know if I'm supposed to do this or not. See, it's like we always have to need external evidence before we move forward. Not that we are questioning God, but we don't trust ourselves and so we want someone to share the responsibility. We want approval from our husband before we do anything. Permission from our husband, permission from our pastor, permission from, from God. We have to like make sure it's confirmed because we're scared to trust ourselves. Not that getting permission or, or support is a bad thing, but when it comes from a wound, we have to be aware of that so that it doesn't hold us back from trusting ourselves to do unfamiliar things, to go with boldness into foreign territories. Because that's where all the true success is, right? It's right there in that, in the unknown. Always there's no success in the safety. So that's what we'll do sometimes when we have this wound. And then of course whatever we do will result in what we have. So what we have is we have this possessive, controlling, distrustful and strong personality. I want you to get that. Like, it's not bad to have a strong personality, right? However, the wound can result in you having a strong controlling, possessive personality that could potentially damage relationships and opportunities. Also, you shy away from opportunities, you shy away from open doors. You'll call it being smart, you'll call it being wise. Some people may even label you a conspiracy theorist because you're always looking for like what's, what's the hidden danger here, right? Again, not to say that's wrong. However, it could be coming from a wound that you have as a child from betrayal. Also you're always looking for the angle and people situation. What's your angle here? I know you're at this There's a potential scam here. I'm gonna figure it out so I can stay safe. Sometimes you have more betrayal in your life, which is crazy, right? Because this wounded betrayal causes you to be more careful so you don't get betrayed again. But we always create the life we expect, not the life we want. So we always hold this expectation that people will betray us. The pressure eventually can make people withhold information because they're tired of having, like, the Inquisition every time they. They show up, and they're tired of answering 20 questions, and so they'll withhold information. They stay more private. And guess what? Now there's a rift in the relationship, and you can feel like that's betrayal. Also, people may say you always make mountains out of molehills. It's not so big. It's not this big is because the pain is that big, not the situation. So be compassionate with yourself. This is just what has happened in your life, and this is just how it's showing up. So now we have to move on to step four. Now, you know what you think, you know what you feel, you know what you have. I mean, you know what you do, and you know what you have. So we're going to move to step four, which is elegant blaming. Now, we know in Romans 8:28, all things work together for good, right? To those who love God are called according to his purpose. And so if all things work together for good, then there has to be some good here. Even as. As deep as the wound is, there has to be something good in it because God is good and his promises are true. So if all things work together for good, what is the good here? Well, think about it. This wound. Let's. If we're going to blame it for the bad things in our life, we blame it for some good things too, so we can balance it. Think about it. You are so loyal. That is such a beautiful quality. You are loyal to the core because it's what you desire from other people. So give yourself some credit. You are very loyal, and you're faithful to others. You're very faithful to others. You do have a strong personality, which is a good thing. I mean, it's helped you confront issues that other people would just sweep under the rug or shy away from. So you don't have a problem with that. Maybe other people have a problem with conflict. And you're like, no, I want to know about it. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go right into that territory if I have to, to beautiful character, quality. So it has Worked for good in a lot of areas of your life. Now step five, now that we've elegantly blamed it, step five, is forgiveness essential for any childhood wound? We have to go through forgiveness. Now, I know this could be. Feel like an impossible step for you especially this betrayal was. You can look back and say, man, that was just inhuman. That would, like, how I was treated was, was horrible. Like, I don't see how I'm even alive to this day because of how it was treated. Remember, forgiveness is not letting the other person off the hook. Forgiveness is something you're doing for yourself so that it's like the cleansing power. Remember, like, if one of my kids gets a cut, all right, like, you know, they fall down outside, they get a cut or one of my grandkids falls down, get it cut. The first thing we're going to do is we're going to clean it. Because you, it can't heal properly if it's dirty and contaminated. Right? The healing is going to take longer. It may heal with like infection inside. It won't heal well. So we're going to do some good, good healing today. And always with any wound, the first thing you do is forgiveness. Before the healing process can happen, you may have tried to, to heal with all these other methods and all this personal development and all this mental health stuff and, and nothing's happened. And you're still carrying around distrust. It's because forgiveness hasn't happened. So we have to allow forgiveness. That's the first step. It always is a decision. Go back to part one. We talked about forgiveness and there's. It was really cool because when I was talking about forgiveness, if you're, if you watch the video, this light just like was streaming into the window. I'm like, oh, this is anointed right here. Because God wants you, you to allow forgiveness. Actually, forgiveness is a command by God because he wants you blessed. That's why. And we can't be healed and blessed and move on to an abundant life if that, if that bitterness is still there, if it's contaminated. So we have to just make a decision that we're just going to forgive this person, forgive the situation, forgive ourselves if you need to forgive yourself. But that healing can only happen after the forgiveness occurs. So you can think about the person who may have betrayed you. Maybe they were doing the best they could with, with what they had available to them. And we're going to operate with compassion. We're not saying it's okay. We're not giving them like, like we're not letting it go. Well, we are letting it go, but we're not letting them off the hook. What they did could have been very bad. It could have been tormented. We're just developing that compassion to say, I'm not going to allow it to hold me back anymore. Forgiving you so I can move forward. Now we're moving to step number six, which is that lie to truth bridge. We know that the truth of God always overrides a lie of the enemy. However, we also have to be understanding with ourselves and realize, you know, it's not, it's not always. It can be, but it's not always. Always something that just happens instantaneously. Sometimes there's a lie to truth bridge that we have to be compassionate with ourselves as we walk across that. Especially if this is a wound that we've been carrying around for, you know, for, for decades, right? We, we've nursed this wound. It's become our identity. So in order to extract this and cleanse and allow the healing, it might take a while on that bridge, moving from the lie to the truth. So think about this. The liar is the princess. She's calling the shot. She has that old core belief of I can't trust. And now the queen has got to confess the truth. This is where the queen connects with the princess. And we have to look at the child, that wounded child, that wounded princess, that child that was betrayed. And we have to pour truth into it. This is where the queen can talk to the princess. This is where you, where you are now, can talk to that child who you were. And the child who you were, who was wounded and betrayed, is saying, if I trust people, if I trust I will be hurt. That's what the princess says. That's the life I trust. I'm going to be hurt. Now the queen says I can be hurt and I'm still going to be okay because God's always fighting for me. So we're not saying you won't be hurt again. The Queen's like, I'm open to being hurt. I'm open to betrayal because I'll still be okay because God fights my battles. He's my defender. He's my protector. I'm no longer trying to protect myself. The queen knows that God dwelling in her is a stronger force than anything that can come at her. So we have to have the lie here as we move into the truth now, we always support it with biblical truth. So in 2 Timothy 2:13, I'm going to read this to you. If we are faithless, and do not believe and are untrue to Him. He remains true and faithful to his word and his righteous character, for he cannot deny himself. So what that's telling us in God's word is that even if you betray God, think about what Peter did. Peter betrayed Jesus. Jesus loves Peter and he told him that over and over again. So even if we betray God, God still cannot betray us. Jesus, that love cannot betray us because he dwells in us and he cannot betray himself. So that's the truth that we're going to back up this healing with. That's the truth that God in me is fighting for me. And even. And I can't do anything in my power to lessen that love. I'm safe in this place. I'm safe with people. I'm safe with myself. I'm safe with new opportunities because God dwells in me and he's fighting my battles for me. Now, seven is the last step, and that is we put the new faith formula into place. So we're good. We're going to rewire. This is where we do that. Romans 12:2, where we transform our mind by the renewing. We have to renew it, right? We transform everything in our life because we're going to renew our mind and start with a better thought. Now, the thought we're going to think and eventually say out of our mouth is this. I'm safe, I'm loved. Everything always eventually works out for me. God is watching out for me. God is fighting for me. I can move forward and I'll be okay. Those are some of the things that we're going to practice holding in our head, meditating on that truth and then speaking that out of our mind. I call it the in and out dialogue. You got to think it in your head, speak it out your mouth. Now, how does that make us feel if we think, I'm safe, I'm. I'm loved, everything works out, God's fighting for me. How does that make you feel? Well, think about it. Before, it was like this distrusting energy, tightness, heartburn, all that kind of stuff. Now you feel stable, you feel trusting. You feel like a safe energy. You can also let go of the control. Everything's okay. You don't have to manipulate and control everything. You can just let it go. Now, when you have this stable, safe energy, what will it make you do? Well, you'll be more relaxed in your relationships. You won't be so controlling. You'll be able to trust others. You'll be able to trust yourself to move forward. In new directions, with new opportunities. You'll be able to face risk better because you know that that's where the reward is. And you can go into it because you trust yourself. You're not always going to be so overly concerned with what's going on in, in other people's lives. You're not going to have to have that prying, sleeping behavior to know everything. You can let go and trust that God, even, even in your children's lives, you're not there 100% of the time. You're not there 24, 7, especially if they're older. But you can know, you know what? Where I am not God is. God is still there and he's protecting my children and he's teaching them and he's directing them and he's guarding them even if I can't be there. And, and think about how this will change your relationships with the people that you love the most. You're just going to be there for them. It's okay. They don't have to show up any certain way. They don't have to provide any information. They don't have to set your mind at ease. You can just enjoy now your time together. Also, you can start to delegate more responsibilities to others because you no longer have to control everything. You can let it go. A lot of times people who have dealt with this wounded betrayal are like micromanagers. They have to control every single part of the process because they don't trust, right? They don't feel safe. Safe letting it go. As you do this healing, you'll be able to let go and delegate more. Think about how, what that's going to do to you and your daily schedule and your task list. You're going to be able to reduce that and have a little more room in your life because you don't have to do everything. You're also going to have, oh well, what are you going to have? You're going to be able to do all that. So what are you going to have? You're going to have better relationships. You're going to have better results. You're going to have more time in your day. You won't be hesitant to hold back. So you'll get, you know, better reward for your efforts. You can be fully invested in opportunities instead of holding back. So that's what you're going to have, just better results overall. Better relationships with the people you love the most. Now we have to finish this off. Okay. This is a seven part process. Now I have to tell you, if you are not Inside Mom Master University. Get inside. Go. Just go to mommastery.com because we, what we do inside Mom Mastery is that's where you have the extended version of this, where actually we go through the workbook, we do the work together so that you get real sustainable results. You have actionable steps and it's done together. I would never want you to try to do this on your own. You need a sisterhood. You need support, you need a coach, and you need. You need a process that can work for you so you can get where God wants you to be. Jesus said, I've come that you may have life in abundance to the overflow. John 10:10. If your life is not as a mom, operating in abundance and overflow and peace and joy, you got to get in here and let's do the work together. So that was my plug. So let's, let's wrap this up with the Queen's crowning glory. So once you do this healing from that princess wounded betrayal, you can step into that queen who's so powerful. Think about it, Rapunzel. She got out of that tower, right? She realized that. That her magical properties were not there for people to manipulate her, but there for her to live such a joy filled life that was, it was a blessing instead of a curse. So here we go. Welcome to storytime again. Let down your hair, princess. You had the power to escape that tower all along. Fear will no longer keep you trapped. Get out of that tower and feel the sun on your face and the wind blowing through your magical hair. You can trust again. Hurt people, hurt people. But you can trust now because you know God has your back. And you can help others learn to trust again as well by showing them the love they may have never received before. Only then will you become the queen you are destined to be and live happily ever after. Thank you so much for hanging out with me. Make sure you go to Mom Master University because that's where we get the work done. I'll see you inside. Be blessed like crazy. So what about you, mama? Are you ready to enroll in the only school that will not only change your life, but also your legacy? Go to Mom Mastery University, where we dive deep into the biblical principles that give ordinary moms extraordinary results. Get enrolled today.