The Joy Filled Home: Part 2

How do you create a joy filled family? Well, there's one way to create a joy filled home. But guess what? A home is only a home because of the people that live in it. So what if we could bring that same element of joy to the hearts of the people that are in your family? And that's exactly what we're doing in today's coaching. Welcome to Mom Mastery University. The education every mom should have had, but did it. I'm Hannah Keeley, America's number one mom coach and class is now in session. Welcome back to the joy filled home. And we talked about all the zones in your home. Hopefully you're already breaking down your home into zones so it doesn't feel so overwhelming and it can feel much more manageable. So let me ask you this. Now that we've created joy in your home according to your zones, now what do we do with your family? Why don't we create some joy in your family too? Okay, so how we're going to create joy in your family is we're going to develop some house rules. Now I know you've seen all the, all the posters and the pictures that say house rules and it has all these things listed. Well, we're going to do that today. We're going to create your own house rules. And my cat will not quit rubbing up against this table and shaking the camera. Could you please move? Thank you. Thank you. Move. Okay, so I've got seven house rules and I want you to think about this. I really stopped to think what is, what are the elements that bring joy to my family? Do you see the shaking? If you're listening to the audio then you don't see this. But if you're watching the video, you see my camera shaking because of this thing right here. And now he's walking away hopefully. Okay, so I have seven house rules and we're going to go through each one of those house rules and these are the kind of the house rules that I lived by not even like conscious of. So I really stopped to think as I created this coaching series for you. What yielded joy in my family? What are some like things that I practiced always some things that we, everyone in the family just knew like this is the Keely way, this is how we do things that kind of became our house rules without even realizing it. And now what I did is like taking the work that I did consciously and unconsciously and presenting it to you as seven house rules that you can choose to ignore the or a dot But I wanted to broaden your Mind into what if this was how our family believed, what would that look like? How would it show up every day? So house rule number one, we fail forward. Okay. There's actually an entire coaching program called failing forward that you should really check out if you have a problem with failure. If you, like, never want to try anything because you're afraid you're going to get it wrong, go check out that program. I think you're gonna love it. But I want you to think about that. House rule we fail forward. So there's this. If you've ever seen it, there's this movie called Meet the Robinsons. Great movie. I highly recommend it. But there's one part on there where this boy, he comes up with this invention and he tried it and it didn't work. It totally blew up. And he's like, oh, no, it didn't work. And the whole family got so excited, they started rejoicing like, yay, you failed, you failed, you failed. And they were all celebrating the failure. And one of the characters said, failure, you learn from success. Not so much. How beautiful of a concept. What if we could embrace every opportunity, every goal, every. Everything we try to do as failure is not just an option, it's probably just a part of the process. And I could fail, but that'll show me what not to do and then I can pivot and learn how to do something different. So you probably already know this about me, but I failed at seven this many. Seven businesses. Miserably, expensively, like embarrassingly. I failed at seven home businesses. I could have failed at one and said, oh, starting a business is just too hard. I'm just not cut out for it and stopped. I could have done that too. I could have done a 3, 4, 5, which a lot of people but at this time were like, hannah, just stop. Just please quit. You're making like miserable for yourself and everyone who loves you. But I kept on and there was an eighth try and that was basically starting the ministry that you're looking at right now, Mom Master, University. And my goal of reaching the nation of moms and helping them create joy filled lives which what you're doing here and creating a legacy of success for their children and their family. So anyway, that I'm sharing this with you because if we become failure averse, we'll rarely try something new. We won't reach our dreams, we won't achieve our purpose in life. Because achieving your purpose requires trial and failure. It requires, actually it requires failure. Because if you don't fail, you don't Know what you could have done wrong. You don't know that. Mistakes that you need to avoid. You don't know how to get it better. So every time I do anything now, I just think, okay, when it goes wrong, all I have to do is just get the information on why and then tweak things and it'll work better. So failure is actually a powerful tool for a mom as she learns to create better strategies around her home, as she learns to achieve her dreams, as she learns to go toward her own goals. So in my family, I always try to teach my children that failure was celebrated, like, okay, awesome. I never. Another thing is, like, how the grading system works. We really, the school system teaches children failure is not okay. Now, I homeschooled all my kids, and one thing that I never stressed to them was getting good grades. I didn't care if they got an A or B or C. I mean, if they got, like, D and F, I'd be like, okay, well, let's talk about, like, where you need to change, like, what happened and what information you're not. You're missing. But I never wanted to be super grade focused because I didn't want them to learn a pattern of performance in a school that did not transfer to performance in the real world. Because when you think about it, performance in the real world, like success in your career, success in your role in the family, success as an individual, as a child of God, success there depends entirely on trying new things, not getting the results you want, tweaking it, changing it, moving it forward. It requires being flexible and resilient, which are. You know, that's not really. In the school system, we often learn. I got to get the information right. I get us. I have to spit it out right, and I get a grade for that. In life, that does not happen. We don't get graded on the information because we live in the information age. We get graded in our ability to problem solve and our ability to be resilient and flexible, our ability to be creative and move forward. So I want you to think about this, is we're always teaching our children. We have to teach by example. So if you're scared to fail, you're gonna. You may potentially transfer that to your children and create a fear of failure in them as well. But what if you're like, you know what, guys, I tried this. It did not work. It was. It turned out so bad. But here's what I learned from it. What if in. In their schoolwork and the things that they try to do with Their tasks around the home. It's like, instead of like, no, you have to get this perfect is, hey, you did it. You got it. You accomplish it. How can you make it better? So I want you to think about that one house rule. We fail forward. That's going to allow a lot more joy to be in your family because it's not going to be so critical based upon your performance. So rule number two. Excuse me? Rule number two is we celebrate each other. So that's really important in a family. We have to be able to embrace all different personalities. Seven kids, they all have extremely different personalities, all very, very different. But I always made sure from the time they were very young that we celebrated their differences and who they were. It's not like, well, here's what we believe and here's how we act, and here's how you have to be in order to be in our family. But it's like, hey, here's how you are. Here's what's unique about you. Here's what we're celebrating about you. But think about your family as like a soup, right? Like, I'm not really a crazy fan of, like, one flavor soup, like pea soup or tomato soup. I like a stew. I like different kinds of proteins in there and vegetables and maybe some. Maybe some grains and something that adds some texture and a little spice in there, too. So. So what if you considered your family like a stew? And it's more nourishing and it's more fulfilling because of all the different textures and all the different spices and flavors. And that way you can start to celebrate each other instead of saying, here's how we live. You have to fit our mold. So my question becomes, can you allow your children, the people in your family, to have other opinions and perspectives that may not be in line with yours? Now that it seems like, oh, of course I can, Hannah. But I don't know. Sometimes we're like, well, they can't believe this because this is right or wrong. But what if we're like, oh, tell me more about that? We want to know our children better, want to know our spouses better, and we want to be open to them always. So what if instead of it becomes, no, this is wrong or this is right? It just becomes curious. It just becomes more information, just becomes a topic you can discuss. Because in reality, no one was ever won over by arguments. No one's ever like, you know what? You argued with me so much, you finally got to me. To believe what you believe says no one ever. So think about Those people in your family, what if the beauty of it comes out in all the variety and you get. And this is gonna really help you as from the time that they're little, like all of mine are adults. Very different opinions, like culturally, politically, religiously, like across the board. But it's so much fun to have those discussions so I can know them better. And it just allows to so much of the variety. So that's our Rule number two is we celebrate each other. Rule number three is we are okay with not being okay. Think about it. We are okay with not being okay. As you create this joy filled family, there's going to be days that are not filled with joy. There are going to be days that are hard. There are going to be days that, you know, feel really tough to get through for you and for your children. So I want you to think about this. It has to be, we have to be okay with not being okay in order for us to help our children understand that they can be okay with not being okay. So the question doesn't become, are you okay? Well, that answer could be no. It's like, tell me how you're doing today. What are you going through today? How can I participate with you? How can I encourage you? How can I support you? What could you need from me today? So I want you to think about this. This is John 16:33. This is the classic amplified version. It says, I have told you these things so that in me you may have perfect peace and confidence in the world. You have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration. But be of good cheer. Take courage. Be confident. So certain, undaunted. For I have overcome the world. I have deprived it of power to harm you, and I have conquered it for you. So I want you to think about this. Jesus allows us to live on the conquering side of that equation. But the first part of that equation says it's inevitable. You're gonna have some really sucky days. You're gonna have like, you're gonna have some, some pain, you're gonna have some trials. You're gonna have some things that do not go the way you want them to go. And you can be horribly, horribly upset as a result of that. But that's where we keep going. But be of good cheer, because Jesus is always victorious. So what we're teaching our children is not. We always have to be okay. Because there are some days you're not. And they need to see you not being okay. They need to see how you deal with disappointment, frustration, anger, grief. They need to see that, because we're showing them by example how to live. So if we're not okay with not being okay, we're going to sabotage our efforts. We're going to implode. We're going to run off by ourselves. We're not going to let them see the real person. But what if it's like, you know what? Today's bad today. Something happened today. I. I had really disappointing news today. Something turned out in a way I did not want it to turn out. It hurt today. I got this coming comment that came through today. This person did this to me to hurt really bad. But here's what I'm learning through it. Here's how I'm facing it, here's how I'm processing it, and here's how you can support me in that. That way. Guess what? When we start to live that way, like, I'm okay with not being okay. We're teaching our children that they don't have to be a certain temperament. They don't have to be a certain level of joy or happiness in order for us to accept them. It's like, you come as you are. Like, I think family is the biggest, boldest, brashest, most beautiful come as you are party on this planet. You just show up, baby, and it's okay. How you show up. You can show up angry, you can show up depressed, you can show up sad, you can show up bitter. Just show up. And that's all God asks of us, right? He's like, don't show up this way. Just show up and let me do the work in you. So that's what we're showing them too. Because when we think we have to always be okay, and we're not, we. We feel a certain. I call it a spiritual shame blanket. We put this, like, shame blanket over ourselves and we're like, I should be happier, I should be more faithful. I should be more joyful, I should be stronger, I should be more cheerful. Yeah. And what happens? You should all over yourself and you're not going anywhere. Positive truth is that's not how you feel right now, and that is okay. So sometimes we take pride in being free of problems. Like, look at my life. Everything's rosy. God's good, he's on the throne. I got faith. My family's awesome. Yeah. That can be a source of pride. And pride goes before destruction. It's okay to boast in that because you're boasting in God. However, can we also take pride in how we face our problems, how we Acknowledge our fear, how we move forward through discomfort. Why can't we take pride in that as well? Just a question. So that was family rule number three. So let's move to family rule number four. We say yes. I've always taught my children, say yes and figure out the rest. Because you'll figure it out. All we have to do is just say yes, right? God will always give us an opportunity. He says in his word, behold, I stand at the door and knock if anyone opens the door. He says, what will I do? I'm going to come in and have dinner with you. I'm going to eat with you. We're going to hang out together. So I want you to think about this. The hardest problems we have in life, the biggest challenges is in just moving forward and just saying yes to opportunities. God will always give us opportunities. Will we always say yes to them? Will we always be open to them? That becomes a big challenge. So I want you to think, if we're going for a joy filled family, why do people have adventures? Why do people go whitewater rafting? Why do people go on an African safari? Why do people go watch a parade? Why do they, why do they do these adventures? Right. Why do they hike at a canyon? Because of the joy. Joy is an inclusive element in adventure, right? Why do we do adventure? Because we're facing things, we're being courageous, we're saying yes to things. And when we say yes to things that are unfamiliar, adventuresome, big, challenging, what comes with that is a sense of joy in the process. So if we have to, we want to teach our children, you're not just here to live, you're here to experience life. Experience life to the fullness. Right? What does Jesus say? I've come that you may have life in the fullness, to the full, to the overflow, abundant Life, right? John 10:10. How is that abundant life created? How is that abundant life enjoyed? We have to say yes. And so I really think about, there's this quote Mark Twain, and I'm going to read it to you, says 20 years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails, explore, dream. What a great mantra for us, Master moms. We are the adventure guide for our family. We don't want to teach our children, play it safe. They get one life, we get one life. Are we going to say yes to more of the opportunities that God puts in front of us. Just say yes and watch what happens. Hey, do you want to. I have these two tickets to this concert this weekend. Do you want to go? Yes. Who's performing? Doesn't matter. I'm just saying yes because who knows what kind of story will be created from that. So, I mean, not that you have to do anything rash or stupid, but how many things do you say no to just because it's new or unfamiliar or challenging and you feel like, well, let me think about it. I need to know more information. What if you just said yes more often? Because what you're also teaching your children is whatever you desire, whatever this purpose in your life, whatever the is goal, goal you're here to create, whatever this dream is that you're building for your life, it's always on the other side of staying a scary yes. And when you start embodying this, guess what? It's going to be easier for your children to follow suit because they saw you do it. They saw you say yes to things. And it was. It was. It was scary. It was. It could have failed. But they see you say yes to things that are successful, too, and that are an adventure. I always think this. Whenever I do anything new, whenever I have an adventure, whenever I say yes to something challenging, I say either I'm going to have a great result or a great story. Think about it. How many things? Like, I remember some of the things when we've traveled before. Oh, my gosh, like, oh, we, we missed the plane. We had to go here. And. And, hey, we had a great story, right? So. So behind every yes, you're either going to have a great result or a great story. They're both great. So you can't lose here. So make sure you go by that family rule. We say yes now. Rule number five, this is important. We don't take things too seriously. Life is serious enough. You don't need to bring your somber attitude to it. What if you stopped taking life seriously? So seriously? I mean, it's just life. Money's just money. Grades are just grades. It's just furniture. It's just paint. It's just build milk. What if you quit taking things so seriously and learn to embrace more of all of the ups and downs and the subtle nuances that life has to offer? Because sometimes you just have to laugh about things. You know, I remember telling when we were producing a television series, I was like, if comedy is not included, I don't want to produce this series because a mom has to be able to laugh about all the Things that happened in her life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, right? You got to be able to laugh about that. So what if you quit taking things too seriously and learn to approach things as it's not that big. It's really not that big. Cuz think about, if you're not having fun, why are you doing it? All right? How much more fun would it be just to have more fun and quit taking things so seriously? Because I, I remember hearing someone say, don't take life too seriously because you're not going to get out of it alive. What a great idea to live by. Like, we don't get out of this thing alive. So we may as well have a good, a good time. We may as well enjoy it, right? Okay, so that is rule number five. We don't take things too seriously. It's okay. I always say it's probably not as big as you think it is. There's also a rule I want to share with you and it's the rule of 48 hours. Whenever anything happens that could be heartbreaking, scary, it could be like bad news, it could be like potentially like a crisis, right? I always tell my kids, everyone in my family, we know this, don't make decisions for 48 hours. Give it 48 hours, let the pieces fall into place. Then you'll have a breath of fresh air and you'll have insight into how to process so we don't have to take things too seriously even when, like, tragedy strikes. Given 48 hours, you know, I can breathe through this and I'll be in a better place. Don't take it too seriously. Now rule number six, we listen to understand. It's so important that we learn the art of listening. Listening is more important than actual, like, talking. And I think it's something that we don't really teach enough is how to listen to people and so we can start practicing. You know, one strategy I've taught my children is to be conscious of their listening and ask themselves, am I listening for an opportunity to interrupt and share something I want to share, or am I really listening to understand this person better? Because listening is a skill, and it's a skill that we get better and better at by more and more practice. And guess how we get that practice? By consciously spending time communicating with one another. And guess where we can do that? Going back to part one of this whole series, around the dining room table, right? Sitting there, spending time together, taking time to just communicate. That means I'm not on a device, I'm not on a Screen anywhere. You have my eyes, you have my heart. And we're talking. And I can practice listening and I can practice understanding. So think about it. When you feel, when you feel heard and understood, that feels joyful. It's a way to help people feel more joy. How do we make people feel listened and understood? We listen to understand. And one way you can do that is to echo back what they were saying. So here's what I'm hearing. Is that right? Okay, tell me more about that. Those simple little nuances that a lot. If you've gone through Covenant Coach Academy, you already know, like the skill of listening, but asking more questions about it, getting down to the details, finding out more about them instead of just sharing about you. That's really important in a family. And then the last one, number seven. We're better together. We're better together. I love this rule. And I remember when I was watching the Godfather, that, that famous line, we don't take sides against a family ever. Like, I've even told my kids, like, no, no, family first. We are better together. So whatever that means. If, if someone like, if there's a disagreement, if people aren't getting along, if this one holds a grudge, like, no, no, we're going to get to the root of this because when it comes down to it, we're family and we're better together. So it doesn't matter. Like, just like I said, you show up as you are, you don't have to be a certain way to be in the family. You're in the family. And because of that, our family is better for it. It's not let. It's not in spite of our differences, but it's because of our differences that we have that beautiful unity as a family. But it becomes one of those cool cornerstones when you can practice this house rule. No, no, we're better together. Come on, you're always going to be in the family. Family first. Family outlasts everything else. And don't take sides against the family ever. So. So those are the seven house rules to help you create a more joy filled family. Now remember, this is just where it starts. Okay? You get this. Just, just this is one part of it, right? After you listen to this, after you watch this, make sure you get inside Mom Master University and do the extended work so you can make it show up in your life. And I'll see you in our next session. So what about you, mama? Are you ready to enroll in the only school that will not only change your life, but also your legacy. Go to Mom Mastery University, where we dive deep into the biblical principles that give ordinary moms extraordinary results. Get enrolled today.