What Tough Love REALLY Looks Like

So sometimes in a marriage, the give and take can be a little difficult, especially when you're talking about some harsh truths. So we're going to talk about how to give and take and how you can be the best magnifying mirror for your spouse. In today's podcast. Here's the big question. How are these average, everyday moms getting radical results in their lives? How are they able to transform their health, money, families, homes, and have fun doing it? The trick. We're not average. I'm Hannah Keeley, and I'm going to spill our secrets and answer your questions right now in that mom show. But we want to talk about how. I don't know if you've ever. I think this is going to speak to women, but if you've ever looked in a magnifying mirror, it's both terrifying and terrifying and what's. What's a good word? And necessary. Okay. Terrifying and necessary because we. We don't keep magnifying mirrors in our bathrooms because we like the way we look in them. We keep magnifying mirrors because we like the way we look after we've done the necessary maintenance. So it's like, I didn't know I had a stray hair here. I didn't know I had a black head. Or like, you have to have those magnifying mirrors to know what's really going on close up. Where. Where you don't always see it. It's not always evident when you're looking in a. In a plain mirror, you need to magnify it. And, yeah, it can be terrifying, but it is necessary in order to keep maintenance. In order to keep. I know guys probably don't care about that kind of stuff. Maybe, maybe not. I mean, maybe you do.

Maybe I'm, like, looking in magnifying mirro because it makes my face look weird, and it's just kind of a selfie moment. That's the way I use them. But, yeah, what I know, I know. So I know what you're sort of getting out there, you know, being able to take a closer look at certain things that are. You might not see on the surface or might not be completely and totally evident unless you do take a really close look at something. And, you know, there are moments or times in a marriage when, you know, you might see a, you know, an activity that I'm doing or a direction that I'm going that I might be completely and totally oblivious to. And, you know, because we have a loving relationship together, you sort of act as the magnifying mirror for Me to be able to see. See I might be heading in a wrong direction or I might. Might have made a. An incorrect choice or. Or what have you in one aspect of our life and be able to reflect on that.

So yesterday, perfect example. Sorry, my arm is sore. If you're watching the video, it's kind of shaky. My arm is really sore from playing badminton. Oh, thanks, babe. So, yeah, I appreciate it.

I'm playing badminton.

Yeah.

It wasn't that stressful.

It was. I also played later on with. With your son, a second match. Okay. So yesterday, on the way to church, Blair is able to give me some insight about how I act offensive sometimes. And so up a little bit. There we go. And so. And one of those things is like, whenever there's a difference in opinion, I often say what you say. Often say like, I'm not stupid or I'm not.

Well, yeah, sometimes, you know, I guess the example was you would. You would. Sometimes, you know, if I were to clarify a thought and. Or if I were to, you know, give you a piece of advice that, you know about business that I remember encountering in a past experience or something like that that is relevant to what you're going through right now. Sometimes you would respond with, yeah, I know that I'm not stupid. Meaning that, you know, yeah, I see that coming myself, and so on. And I don't know if that's necessarily the case, but that would always seem to be a reaction point.

Yeah.

To whenever we would talk about, you know, business things or technology things or what have you.

Yeah. And so when he was able, when he said that I was able, because I know he comes from a place of care and love, I was able to not defend myself, but to say, do I really? And, like, question him about that? And then. And that brought to light. I've always struggled since I was a little kid. I think I've overcome a lot, but every new level, I. I have to overcome another level because I was like, you know, putting special ed and said I was flighty instead of stupid, that kind of thing. I've always. I felt like I had to compensate and that's one of those, like, sore points for me. So instead of. So I just naturally, like, it's like a knee jerk response of my subconscious, like, no, I'm not stupid, like that kind of thing. And so I had to realize, oh, I'm still. I still have that garbage. Isn't it funny when you think you cleaned out all the garbage out of your, you know, your psyche? It's like oh, there's another closet you got to go into and declutter. And so it made me realize, oh, okay. So. So I was like, thank you for, you know, making me aware of that. I appreciate it and be able to grow through it and to be able to receive more information, because a lot of times we'll hurt ourselves when we're in defense mode. And so what we want to share with you, especially is how to give and how to take when, when you need to be each other's magnifying mirrors. When you see something wrong, when you, like, like when Blair saw that I have a defensive attitude when it comes to anything that could potentially threaten my intelligence, I will, I will be very quick to defend. Hey, mama. We'll get right back to the podcast, but did you know there is an entire online university just for moms? If you're ready to get radical results in your life, just go to mommastery.com that's M O M M A S T E R Y dot com. Make sure you check it out and take your free quiz. And again, that's mommastery.com M O M M A S T E R Y.com now back to the podcast. And so he was able to give that advice to me, be that magnifying mirror. And I was able to say, oh, okay, so how do I process this?

Right?

So I think that's really important. And when you give advice, first of all, never give it. Never give, never be the magnifying mirror when it's heated, when, when there's like any kind of emotional stuff going on, whenever there's.

Right.

Heightened emotion or whenever there's super sensitivity. That's not when you want to pull out the magnifying mirror. That's when you need to pull out the down comforter and be like, all right, honey, it's okay. But the magnifying mirror comes out when you know. But when you know that, you know, you're receptive. It's not like a heated time. There's not a thing that you're. You're worried about or stressed about or, or a fight or something like that. And you can give advice in a very loving, matter of fact way. And I don't believe in that whole, like, what poop sandwich thing.

Poops. Yeah.

Well, here's something great about you. Here's something not so great. Here's something great that's garbage because that's still. You're walking on eggshells. Just be able to say, honey, I, I noticed something about you. Is it Can I share this with you? Like maybe ask permission?

Well, it wasn't even, you know, in the situation that we were talking about with us. It wasn' planned moment. It was.

We were just riding to church and.

It was an element as part of a conversation about something else. There was no.

And I hadn't even said it. I hadn't even said, like, I'm not stupid, right?

So I don't even know. I mean, it may have been an illustration of a conversation we were having about something else or something. I don't know. But, yeah, think about it, you know, approaching it when. When there is not a, you know, not in a moment of stress or in a moment of disagreement or something like that, because that can just, you know, exacerbate a situation.

But the person can't receive it.

Right? They're not gonna.

That's why they're not gonna be defensive. And so find a time that is not a sensitive subject.

Right?

And also, when you're on the receiving end, this is really important. See the person. See the heart that is coming from. Not always the words, but see the heart that is coming from. Because I know, coming from you, you have a heart that loves me, you want to see me be my very best self, and I would hope that you would love me enough to not let me do something less than my best.

Right?

So coming. See the heart that is coming from. Don't be defensive because this could be the greatest. Like, if you never look in the magnifying mirror, you could walk around with a big old blackhead on your nose and not even realize it. And other people are being like, God, you see that blackhead? Oh, my God. But, like, this is where they're bringing out the flaws that you would. That would make life so much more beautiful if you could just deal with it and be aware. And then how. How should I process this? How should I. How should I use this information to help me think better, to help me behave better?

Right. And. And don't. And certainly don't see it as an opportunity to, you know, mention something like this as a, you know, to create a point of contention? I mean, that. That this.

Well, that's just making a fight.

It is, but, you know, seeing it as a. An opportunity to. Well, you said something about me. Let me share something about you.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Gets into, you know, it just makes a situation contentious. It makes it, you know, something like you're looking to. To start something with your spouse in a negative way, and so you gotta.

Start something in a positive way. Yeah, yeah. It's not a. Oh, are we doing a give and take here? Are we like doing a back and forth? No, we're not. It's just a moment and receive it and process it. So make sure. Also, when you do deliver information, it has no emotion in it. Right. And what I mean by that is there's not negative emotion or positive. It's just a very basic. This is what I'm observing. Right. So it's not like, honey, I need it, I need to tell you something. Like when you try to do the positive, like, let me cushion this. Or when it's like, oh, you know what you do. Like, let me tell you what you just did. Like, not that either. You don't have to put any emotion on it. Just say, can I've been observing something. Is it all right if I share this with you? Like ask permission and then lay it out in a very kind manner. No emotion, no tiptoeing around things. Just be very frank. I've noticed this about you.

Does very, very simple.

And, and the other person knows and to say, no, this comes from a place of love. I love you and I want to see you be your best self. And this is something I'm saying creep up that could potentially harm that.

Right.

And I think when you have that kind of relationship, first of all, if you, if you don't have that kind of relationship where you can give that kind of magnifying mirror advice, get inside the marriage kitchen.

Yep.

Because that's going to help you develop and foster that kind of marriage where you're each other's best friend and you can be, you can be that iron, sharpening iron where I'm going to make you into your best self.

Right.

So make sure you do. If you don't have that relationship, get plugged into the marriage kitchen. And we can. How many modules do we have in that thing?

Like eight modules. And it's, and it's for husband and wife. But you don't have to do it with your spouse. If your spouse is not ready, you can go through the marriage kitchen and you can also, I mean, you'll be picking up great advice, great direction in terms of how to better your relationship.

It is not your typical marriage program. Very, very different. You can just go to marriagekitchen.com and check it out. I don't know if it's open, so I don't know when this is airing. I don't know if it's open. But if you go to marriagekitchen.com you can, you can check it out. But yeah, make sure in the giving and taking that you're giving it the right way and especially you're receiving it the right way and help each other grow and to be the best people that you know God has for you to be.

Absolutely.

All right, catch you later.

Bye.

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