268. Part 2: "The Day I Chose Not to Give Up on Me"

So here we are. Round two, Part two. Round two. Like a boxing match. I'll tell you what, we're wearing the same colors though, aren't we? So that's all right. I don't mind. I don't mind getting in the, in the ring with Naz. It'd be like tag teams, right? Like the old WWF days. Fellas, part two. Naz capped off in part one a beautiful piece discussing, hey, you know what, like, we all have self doubt, but I promise you this much when you take that step, because Nazi was in the shoes of all of the men who have taken the step, thinking about taking the step, listening to this podcast and haven't yet considered taking the step. So I love that it comes from that place. And it's not that I'm disingenuous, but, you know, oh, hey, Al, you're. You're the founder, you're the owner. Of course you need to say, it's like no, man, like I, I live for these people. The name Alex for an area doesn't means very little to me. It's. It's the energy I can be for the mission, which supersedes any man. And because of that, I'm pretty relentless as, as an organism to pursue this mission because it means more to me than I do to myself. The weight of the world will lift off your shoulders. And then you also said, if you're willing to put in the work and, and, and go get it. So let's talk about that, man. Weight of the world off your shoulders. Go and get it. I want to get a little bit more granular here with you and your story. Naz. Walk me through your relationship with Elena. You know, the beautiful little girl. She's not even one yet. A miracle gift. Walk me through that, man. Give us, give us some. Like, what's it like you're holding her in, in your arms. She's probably. Where would she be walking? Almost probably not yet. Maybe. Maybe trying. She's anything like you, mate. She's gonna do it. She's gonna. She won't stop or none of them do. Isn't it unchildren inspiring? They fall over so many times, yet they still learn to walk. Isn't it crazy? But another day, maybe we could do lessons from our kids or something. Could be Nell's inside. But let's, let's go through a few real, real granular pieces with you, bro. Walk me through that. Your relationship with your little girl that otherwise you didn't even know was possibly going to exist. Only a couple of years ago. Walk me through it. What's it like, that relationship with her?

First and foremost, guys, I, I, I want to be given apology and excuse myself, because this is gonna get, this is gonna. I wasn't expecting you to pull this fire so early, Al. It's, it's nothing short of absolutely phenomenal, man. To hold Elena in my arms for the first time out is nothing short of extraordinary. Purely off the back of.

Where I.

Was two and a half years prior to that. I didn't know where the. I didn't even know whether I was. I was going to have a wife. I didn't know whether I was even going to have a life moving forward. But then to go all in on myself and, and create a version of me that was worthy to raise another. Man. You've got no idea the sense of pride that I have. She's an absolute light form that anywhere she goes, it's so rewarding. Anybody that meets my little baby, Elena will turn around and say she is the most happiest and amazing baby I've ever met. And I know I played a part in that. It's truly, I have no. It's so hard to put it into words, how much pride I have and the relationship that I have, not only with Elena, but with all my daughters, man, I am, I am the man that I want them to only have a base standard as a model to who I want them to model their future relationships around. The reason why I say I'm the base standard, because Job's not done with me yet, man. I want to keep going and growing and Alex favorite, going and growing, going and growing every day. And I want to emphasize that in Elena, that the world is her ice oyster and the possibilities are endless. And she is born with greatness, as all children are. And I'm not going to stop. Not going to stop, man. To instill and give her the confidence to find that greatness and purpose in her life. Yeah. Excuse me. That was tough.

I was beautiful, man. Nothing to excuse there. And not tears of sadness, as she said. It's so cool, man. I can't wait. I'm starting to get on my algorithms. Not that I'm on Instagram a lot, but little, little babies, they've got, like, fruit pictures, and then their eyes are coming out and they're trying to say the fruit that they are on the screen. Yeah, banana and apple. And it's like, oh, man, I think I'm gonna lose it with number four. Like, it's just such a precious gift. But you know, it really is. I can't. Can't wait for that moment. Has she said data yet?

She's. Well, this is. This is a very, very hot topic at the moment, man.

Mom or dad first?

Well, Rose tends to think that it's just an easier process to say dad, dad, dad, dada. And obviously, culturally, my eldest two daughters call me Papa. So there's a distinctive kind of push and pull here. She's like, well, technically, she's not really saying your name until she says. Secretly every single time I try and really slow the process down, get her to focus truly on my lip movement and. And, you know, have everything really, really quiet. And it's like Elena just constantly, just drilling away.

Oh, man, Rose. Rose is all over, but she's clever. It's so funny. You know what, man? Like kids. I. Lillian is crazy. Crazy with her memory, man. Probably a bit. Got a bit of meaner, I don't know, but it's a bit. Because I've got a very weird memory and how I can draw things together. But there was a moment I can't remember quite when. Speaking of memory, I can't remember when, but it wasn't that long ago where it wasn't unfair, but something was happening. It might have been a birthday or something was happening and. And, And I guess Roman and Stella were either elevated or had something different or maybe it was their day for special time. Who knows? Lillian looks me square in the eyes and said, but Daddy. I was the only baby who said daddy first. When we were younger, I said, what the. How can you. How can you. Just five at the time. I was like, how can you pull that, all that together to contextually know that that's going to be leveraged to try and hit the heartstring and compare that to your brother and sister who said, mum first. I laugh, man. I was like. And I could look in her eyes and she started to smirk. I was like, oh, man, you've already.

Got it all figured out. She knows, man.

All figured out.

Yes, sir.

Sent a picture of. Of Elena in a christening. So, so beautiful, mate. What a gift. What a gift in life. And, well, that's really what it is, Naz. And that's the whole going and growing. I love that. It's not just keep going. It's not just survive, it's keep going. And plus, you know, like, plus one. Sweet. I remember seeing that young because I used to love playing a bit of B ball and heaps of my. Heaps of my fellow mates shout out to the Fellows, I think they all love basketball, mate. They all had this brand called. No, it was and one and one. Sorry, not plus one. And one was like, you know, they get another free, free shot. I was like, oh yeah, what about, what about that as a metaphor for, you know, I love the grateful but unsatisfied. But also unsatisfied. It's, it's a word I'm cautious of. But yeah, that's going and growing. Where's the plus one? Where can I get that? And one and one and one. Incredible, man. How about your, your other two? Like, how's, how's life with them now? As, as Naz 3.0? I mean, you're working through the ranks now, man, but yeah, it's not done. But yeah, how's, how's your relationship with the other two?

It's amazing to see the difference in intent. When you purposefully slow time down and connect with them the right way, they find a sense of peace, which is quite rare for a nine and a seven year old when they are discussing a topic with anybody, let alone their parents. That I'm the, I'm the diffuser, whereas I used to be the igniter many, many moons ago. And that it's. To see that they instill that trust in the relationship I have with them is something truly remarkable. From where? Again, going back to the hot topic from where I was, because I was never that, that pivot point and I to a degree was naive and I was just like, oh, that's, that's the role of a mother. It's not a role of a father until you actually start to dig a bit deeper and understand that how important it is to have a stronger relationship with the daughter as a father, so then they can understand the structure that's required and needed to build that resilience as, as an ever growing young woman into womanhood. They're always going to have that nurturing process with their mother. It's like it's, it's inevitable. Right, but where, where the, where the real fruits of a parenting's labor is, is the father having input in that relationship to guide them the right way? Right? That's the leadership that's required for them to uphold values, morals that you want to instill in them. How can you do that from arm's length and then expect a better outcome later on in life? It's not gonna happen, man. So, you know, that, that for me is, is of real importance and you know, to see Elora, which is my middle child, a little bit like I like, you're Lillian. Just nuts, man. Just full noise, like, just lights up, lights up the world and leaves a trail of destruction in behind. But she's comes from a loving place, right? There's nothing more rewarding than her turning around and going, papa, what's going on with you? What's. What's wrong? Lauren, talk to me, baby. What's happening? I haven't seen you train in a while. Questioning me, right? Because she knows how much the emphasis is around, right? You want to get to where you want to be at. Comes with work. One rep, one set at a time. Whether that's in reading, whether that's in mathematics, or whether that's growing muscles, you need to keep pushing. She goes, well, you want to be big and strong and you want to be a high performance father. How come you're not training? And I have to justify it to her, man, because she knows the importance of it, you know, And I love that. I love that we have a relationship where there is accountability on all fronts, because that's where true honesty is, right?

You better 100. You better borrow a whistle and a stopwatch, man, for Christmas.

Yeah, man. Little.

Little coach hat.

Yeah, the coach hat.

That's gold. That's so good. That's so good, man. You know, it's, it's. I've said this before in other podcasts, you know, you. We'd all die for our family. We'd die for our children. But would you live for them? But I want to expand that on one more. Like, of course we die for our kids. And yes, I, I want to live for my children as well. But here's the next piece. You know, would you die for your kids? Yes. Would you live for them? Would you grow for them? That's so important. Would you actually grow for your children? You die for your kids, you live for your kids, but would you grow for them? Would you become better for them? Straight away, the war comes up. I am good. Oh, man, I'm working hard. I'm giving. You know, I love my. I'm not discrediting that. Like, how do you measure growth? Like, it's not a linear fashion across one thing. It's like a stereo mixer, man. If you've got a lot of little, little. What do they call them? Nodes? Not sure. The little things to push up and hopefully don't let them come down. So that, that's a, it's a powerful thing. When we look at the dynamics of parenthood, I, I agree with you, man. I truly believe the mother is the beating heart. And we should not try to take that away. But if they are the beating heart. I know there's more than two things that involve a human being is an analogy. But if they're the beating heart, man, you need to be the spine. You are the pillar of strength that can drive structure for everything else to unfold and become a beautiful life in itself for those we love and care about. We cannot discredit that. That's so valuable and that input matters. Rose, walk me through. How are things with. With Rose, man. Like what's. It's quite, quite a big. Because. Because your girls have been. They're old enough to have seen the change. Obviously the beautiful little miracle number three. But, But Rose obviously has been with you the longest, clearly.

Yeah, she is. She is my. She is my pillar of strength. She's also my biggest. My biggest advocate and she's also my biggest critic. Rightfully so. There's always testing times like I'm not here to paint a picture that we're some Instagrammable marriage and relationship. Right? Because I'd be bullshitting and I'd be lying. Right? But that's the beauty in love. And a marriage and a relationship, whether it de facto, whatever. Like whatever your relationship is with the opposite sex. From where it was to where it is now, man. It's, it's, it's. It's water and blood. It's. It's total opposites, polar opposites. It's. There's such a formidable strength within the support and structure we have for one another that we've learned over time to. To pursue because it knows we know it brings the best out of each other. Is in the past it used to be conflictive conversation. Now it's constructive conversation. Right? We don't look. We never look at it glass half empty. We always push to make a glass half full. Right? And there is non negotiables within our relationship that we make sure that we obtain and whether or not that it rustles the feathers from one another, we know now it comes from a good place in our hearts. And that's something that's truly special because, you know, it can be disappointing to hear I'm not happy. But why do you. Is it not nice to hear I'm not happy from your. From your spouse because you know it's coming from a bad place because you're actually not stepping up to the mark. But now that I'm obtaining and I'm hitting my marks, I'm standing on my own two feet doing what's necessary, sometimes not what's right. There's a difference between right and necessary. Right. When Rose says to me constructively, I feel as though this could be done better, or I feel like you should have communicated to this to me better, I take it on board as constructive because I actually know that I'm stepping up to the plate. I'm doing what's necessary. I'm driving. And the love and respect and appreciation for each other is absolute. And when. When you have that. That formidable bond, when things do get shaky, right. Our foundations are strong and we still survive. And that's something that's so truly important. And it's happened slowly but surely. Slowly but surely. 1% every day. Keep working, keep grinding, keep working, keep grinding. And little by little, just like at the beginning, soon become a lot. We made transitional decisions and choices to make sure that the inevitable is an absolute. And we that love the peace, the hump, the harmony within our household is. Is amazing. He's absolutely amazing. Al. She's the love of my life, man. I'm grateful for her. She had every right. She had every right to hold me to. She every right to hold me accountable at the time. But I'm so, like, I'm so grateful for her not. Not giving up on me. So grateful. So grateful for her pushing on, pushing me to be better and owning my. Because it's brought me to who I am today.

And she's grateful to you for doing the work, mate, and creating change. Yeah, well, you're not changing your choosing, right? Nothing changes. Nothing changes. Well, no, it does change. It always changes for the worse. If you're not engineering change, well, then you're on the receiving end of it. Good luck with that. You know, you talk about conflict and. Yeah, healthy conflicts. Constructive. Like, I think that. That. That's really needed. It's necessary. It comes from whether it's business, friends, your children, your wife. When you have a bedrock of trust, that then opens up the opportunity to have good, healthy conflict, which then drives commitment and alignment. It's actually a must. It's a given. So when I look at that, like Corinne and I, we have healthy conflict. There are three things that I wrote here as you're talking. Trust, purpose, and building together. You know, when you have trust and when you have purpose. So where are we going and what are we. You know, what drives us? And you're building that together. You can have constructive conversations or healthy conflict and. And. And points where you're two individuals living your life, and then you have to realign you choose to realign. You do realign and you keep moving forward. I said that the other day to Corinne. We're having a chat in the car and we're just talking about value. And she made, she's obviously getting bigger and more pregnant, blah, blah. And there's some sort of what they speak about. She was in class with the kids and they said something about different careers and when they grow up and they're like, oh, Mrs. Ranieri, you know, when, when you've finished doing school, you're going to become a supermodel. That's so funny. It's like, oh, yeah, that's right. It's my next career path. And we laughed and Corinne said, you know, would you. What'd she say? She said, would you be with me if I was a young supermodel? And I said, well, it depends what sort of value you bring. I said, yeah, you know, like, yeah, yeah, maybe it is, maybe it isn't more enjoyable in the bedroom, who fucking knows? But that, that, how's that, how's that a point of value, you know? I said, and I said to, I said, you could be a supermodel right now, but if you drop the ball on our children and raising them and things that are part of my life, my blood, and didn't operate as a cohesive team, together, aligned and what we're building, I said, I don't give a fuck way or what you look like, that's mate. And likewise for a man, it's like, where is value stored in the eye of the beholder? If you don't have transparency and trust and that's a real powerful one liner. I'll save that for an hour's insight and expand on it. That when, when you have a level of trust and healthy conflict, you can make sure that you're aligned, you've got the same purpose in your own individuality and then you're building together. So that's the most valuable thing, building, building your life together. And that's what makes it tough too. In marriages that break down because the man's had enough or the woman's had enough, but typically the man, as logical as we are, we just keep doing what's required and we stay in a grind at a certain rhythm and then things just eventually deteriorate and then the woman, more often than not initiates and that she's had enough and everything falls apart and it's too late to try and recapture. We've invested in so much. Yes, you have. You've got houses or investments, children History and all sort of stuff. Yeah, you've got that, but that's all past tense. Now that you're trying to hold on to, what has she got to look forward to in the future? And that's what she's hedging her bets on, based off the historical data of what your relationship's been like last day, week, month, year, decade.

So true, man, so true. That's because support, support and alignment go hand in hand, right? If I'm not sticking to my non negotiables, my, my routines, my habits that I obtain and she starts to see I get a little bit antsy or I get a little bit short or I feel like, or I'm looking like I'm a little bit under the pump, under stress or a bit more exhausted, she pulls me up. Naz, how come you haven't. I haven't seen you gone for your walk? How come you're not Getting up at 4:30, getting up at 5:00am, how come you're missing on little certain things? Because these are non negotiables for you, which mean they're non negotiables for me, right? So I want you to get up and go get it. I want you to push yourself because when you do that, I've seen the runs on the board that you start getting and I've seen the man you're becoming and I'm attracted to it and I want that. So alignment and support, right? So she's keeping me aligned and she's also supporting me at the same time. And then that gives me the energy, the love, the appreciation for me to stick to forward and stick to what I know best, what works for me, right? Simplify it. Don't overcomplicate it, right? And, and that's where I know I'm being loved and appreciated when she's giving me that feedback. No, no, no. I want you to invest in yourself. I want you to keep fighting. Because when you do that, it brings the best out of you. And guess who reaps the rewards? I do. The girls do. Your business does. HBF does. So don't, don't, don't lie. Get up, get going.

Smart woman. Some of you might be listening, going, oh, well, fuck, man, that's nice. That's, that's good for you. N. My wife doesn't do that. Well, you haven't fucking sold her on it, mate.

Runs on the board.

I need you to understand. Like this, this podcast, me wearing. Well, actually this is a HPF jacket, but you know, the, the emblem that we Designed the. The watch that Naz has on the ring that I chose for my marriage. Like boys, everything in life is an exchange of value, which comes down to sales, negotiation. Through that exchange of value, selling and buying. Selling and buying. Your children. Look at your children, man. They negotiate with you every day. They try to sell you every day. On buying into their view, their belief systems, their model of the world, their entitlements. So, so the reason why your wife isn't like that. And I mean, fuck, that's not a bad idea. I could do a course on that. But, I mean, the Red Hot marriage playbook already covers this shit. It's not about tactics and trying to pick up fucking chicks at the club. It's you becoming the prize for your family, such that by doing that, your peripheral value trumps anything else that women may initially see as a hidden agenda. And you just extending those olive branches to provide love and romance and be nice or be a great husband. So it's.

It'.

The reason why your wife may not be inclined that way is because you haven't marketed to her through your track record, runs on the board or history. Like, I gotta say, like, it's not. It's not a business angle. It's the truth. Every single year, it gets easier for men to join hpf. Why is that? Well, just keep looking at the track record and the runs on the board. Like, it's just, fellas, this is the life you built. You know, I'm 40 in a couple of weeks. Like, man, wait till I'm 50. Like, imagine that for a track record. Okay? HPF's been running for 20 years. Like, imagine HPF's been going for 35 years now. Like, you know, establish. Inclined. That way is because you haven't marketed to her through your track record, runs on the board or history. Like, I gotta say, like, it's not. It's not a business angle. It's the truth. Every single year, it gets easier for men to join hpf. Why is that? Well, just keep looking at the track record and the runs on the board like, it's just, fellas, this is the life you build. You know, I'm 40 in a couple of weeks. Like, man, wait till I'm 50. Like, imagine that for a track record, okay? HPF's been running for 20 years. Like, imagine HPF's been going for 35 years now. Like, you know, established. Imagine when it's like the year 2050 and it's got established 2018 with a. With a full stop, a big full stop.

On the bottom of that emblem, Just underneath that emblem.

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Like, so. So you got it. Like, that's. And I know it's hard because you got turmoil and. And emotional breakdowns and uncertainty and. But that's what we're here for, right? Like, we're here to be that conviction and certainty and courage for men who need to get back up on their own two feet. That albeit high performers in any aspect of life. That's really important to understand, boys. Like, it's because you're not providing a track record that peripherally. Not. Not you trying to speak clever words. Which is why I'm conscious of creating, like, a tactical course on how to win your wife back. So. No, no, through. Through you showing your track record and then communicating the value that you hold through your actions. That's how you'll change. Where she's like, oh, wow. When Naz wins, everyone wins. When he's a hundred, I get the 100 of him. Like, it's smart, woman. But. But that. And I'm not saying she's done without. What I'm saying is it goes hand in hand with alignment and being a team and building together because she's seeing the fruits, but Naz is growing and providing the fruit. It goes both ways. Yeah, it's. Yeah. So food for thought, man. Like, okay, I get it. Like, you're white. But why? Like, there was. There's a guy who was really hesitant to come on board, and I don't think he did. What was it? There might have been issues with the Mrs. Oh, that's right. I think a bit. Bit hard. Bit. Bit much because the wife isn't really supportive of it. Well, maybe that's the final test where she's. Ah, here's another thing. I've just said one sentence, and he's not even pulling the trigger on this now. Like, believability.

Like that. There's so many guys like that.

Yes.

How many. How many guy. How many of you guys out there that are listening right now that they've heard. I'm sick of. Tired of hearing. I'm gonna do it or I'm gonna change or I'm gonna be that man you deserve, or I'm gonna get this done or I'm gonna financially give us freedom. I'm. I'm gonna. They're tired of it. They're so tired of it.

Abs. And I get it too, guys. It's hard because, like, well, hang on a minute. She wants me to do something, then I tell her I'm gonna do something. She says no. It's like, yeah, but these are women you're dealing with, right? So she sees you the waste, because he won't do it anyway. That that's the reason. Not because she doesn't want you to win. She's just calculating based off the track record you've already set. It's like I'm sick and tired of him saying he'll do and he doesn't follow through. So why would you spend money on something I know you won't follow through on? I don't want you to join hpf. What a waste of time and money. As opposed to going, no, no, I am going to do it whether you're angry or not. Let me show you. And then you shower. And. But that, that is, that is like if you want to have a wife that can see through the lens that. That Rose does, you know, it's. And credit to her as well. Obviously, I'm not saying this is all Naz as being a team, but it's. Well, Naz, guess. Guess what he did. He. He did some things that. Those things are called actions. And he did them a lot, would you believe it? And, and he fell down. But guess what? He got back up pretty quickly. He didn't fall down and stay down for a month, a year, five years, and hit the drink and hit sedation distraction. He got back up in less than a day and he had tough moments and it took three days and. But guess what? Naz got up again. And, and you know what? He did some things. And I love this. This is on my desktop. The, the best minute I spend is the one I invest in people. I love that it's my favorite man like, but. But the other one below it is. What's the kindergarten answer? So. So again, I'm not saying that the list is here are ignorant. What I'm saying is, fellas, let's just break it down really simple. There's a man. Whether he said things or not, he did some things. Those things were good. So he did the right things. He did those right things a lot of times. And through doing that, his energy, his aura, his approach, his track record, the subconscious seeds that he planted inside of his wife's mind and heart changed and rebuilt and re engineered a different way to see this man. So she's got a different set of glasses on. And he kept doing that despite her challenging testing him. Are you just version 1.0? Are you just the same bloke? And all the bullshit, all the games, all the things that she tried. Isn't that crazy? Someone loves you, is going to test you. Of course they will, because she wants certainty. Is this real? Is this just a honeymoon period? I'm going to test this guy and try and trigger him and break him down. But guess what? This guy kept doing what he said he was going to do and following through. And this guy eventually became someone that this woman accepted as. This is now the new standard. And guess what? Things got better. So I'll leave that there, because again, I don't want. I don't want you guys to shoot off, because I imagine doing a podcast like that all the time. But honestly, boys, it's so true. So simple, so true.

Rose had her skeptical moments throughout the threat start. Like it was, you know, she was like, oh, yeah, I see that you're doing this and I see you doing that, and I see you're making more time for the kids, but how long is it going to last? I got back up and went again. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you've done it for a month, you've done it for three months, you've done it for a year now, but truth be told, you've done a lot of things for a year. And then, you know, life got in the road and you fell and chose not to get back up. 18 months is gone. Oh, he's getting running. He's still. Still going. So slowly built up. Right. You know, it's. It's so important that you understand within a relationship. And this is something that I, like, I was oblivious to. Just because you're married doesn't mean it's your partner for life. All right? Unfortunately, that's. That's the world we live in today. Like anything in this world. You've done it for three months, you've done it for a year now, but truth be told, you've done a lot of things for a year. And then, you know, if you don't work on it, it's gonna die. Think of it as a life form, planting a seed the minute you say, I do. And then don't water it, Leave it in the shade, in the dark, in the cold dungeon. What are you expecting to get out of that? It's gonna die, just like your relationship would, but then all of a sudden, watering it at the right times, giving it quality energy, putting it in sunlight, allowing life's energy to let it sprout, increase its capacity, grow 2. Or life got in the road and you fell and chose not to get back up. 18 months is gone. Oh, you're getting running still, still going. So formidable oak tree like we've brought up in the past. Then before, you know, it slowly built up. Right. You know, it's, it's so important that you understand within a relationship something to take pride in that you both got pride in. But it comes with working on it.

The reality is, man. Yeah, completely agree. The reality is like when you have an insatiable hunger to keep going and growing and growth in this life, you develop an unshakable level of certainty. Now, I could live a different lifestyle if I wanted to, but I live a very modest, humble lifestyle with my family and I keep them grounded. When you make something greater than you become less than. So I'm very conscious on how I teach my children about money and, and Corinne and, and this is something that.

I like, I was oblivious to.

Just because you're cautious, I mean, we'll all put our hand up and say our wives are the best shoppers. That's for sure.

Doesn't mean it's your partner for life. All right. Unfortunately, that's, that's the world we live in today. Like anything in this world, if you don't.

Work the bottomless pit. But the reality is like your internal drivers are going to create that attraction, connection where it's like, hey, because we had shaky times, it's like an 18 month war. We're going to a counselors and, and hypnotherapy. I'd try it at all, man. Like it's not, it's, it's why I created hpf. Because we were trying to rebuild our marriage and bits and pieces work. But nothing was cohesive to the family nucleus and consistent for what a man needs. And a woman, to be fair too. Because what the woman needs is what the man is, is the outcome of what the man needs and can provide consistently.

Right?

So the counseling can hold its place. I'm not.

It's gonna die. Think of it as a life form planting a seed the minute you say I do and then don't water it, leave it in the shade, in the dark, in the cold dungeon. What are you expecting to get out of that?

Not against that, but I'm saying it's like what percentage do you need to counter what has been diminishing returns for many years? So if you've been in a deficit 5, 6, 7, 8 years, but cancer can improve you 20 with your relationship or me, man. Like be careful of that. Like you're at minus 470. Is that going to Turn the tide, maybe. Have you got 20 years? Whereas developing yourself and having that unshakable certainty because of your. Your growth, and you keep going and growing. It became a point where I said to Karen, look, I can keep building. Like, you don't believe me? That's sweet. Let's. Let's roll. Let's. Let's remeasure in 10 years, let's check in 20 years, let's check in 30 years. Like, I'll keep fucking going. Don't you worry about that. But don't just listen to these words. Let me show you.

It's gonna die. Just like your relationship would, but then.

But also food for thought. Krin, do you need to wait 10 years to enjoy the fruits, or do you want to start enjoying the journey now and just see where it lands and take it one day at a time? So of course there's a skill set, fellas, on how you shift perspective and walk the timelines with your wife. But also it's pretty clear, like, hey, it's been 18 months. We either go all in or we don't. I'm happy to go 5, 10, 12, 20 years. Like, I'm all in on this all.

Of a sudden, watering it at the right times, giving it quality energy, putting it in sunlight, allowing life's energy to let it sprout, increase its capacity, grow to a full.

If. If this is something you need, cool. But why don't we start living today so we don't have to wait 20 years to enjoy the fruits? How's that? Is that going to work out good for you? All right, fantastic. Let's go. Do you think it stopped right? It was a pretty good catalyst for her, but also, yeah, of course she still tested me, but the truth always wins. The truth always wins. The truth always wins. And that's why people hate me, man. Like, the only reason someone will be skeptical or critical of me, my approach. And call it tough love oak tree.

Like we've brought up in the past. And before you know it, if I.

Call it love tough, like, I'm here to. To bleed for this mission and for all men and across this country. And you're a great example, Naz. And that's. That's what I love most. It's not to the haters, but it is an enjoyable thing to say, hey, look at all these people living an amazing life. I actually don't care about the. The type of life that I can live because I'm already. I'm already full. My cup is full.

It's Something to take pride in that you both got pride in. But it comes with working on it.

And I love that. Being okay with where things are at allows me to just push so hard, man. Going without needing or wanting, but ultimately uplifting the men like you, Naz, and going, hey, you might hate me. That's cool. Because what, I'm the. I'm the face of an ad now? But look at this dude. Look at this dude. Look at this dude. That. And so. So, fellas, what I'm saying is, like, you've got to create that. The reality is, man. Yeah, completely agree. The reality is, like, when you have an unshakable certainty, but a lot of the times through your actions, that will look after itself. Like, I get up on stage over 100 men. All that sort of stuff. Could be 100, could be 10,000. Doesn't matter. You know the people, you know the subject. Let's go. In fact, the more the merrier. I really enjoyed that over in Perth. It was awesome. But ultimately, an insatiable hunger to keep going and growing and growth in this life. Why is that? Well, my confidence is Naz Santoro. My confidence is Luke o', Brien, Sean Hutton. Like, how do you get a man that's 123 years old still turning up and performing? I gotta get it. I'll know when Hutto's listening to this podcast, because I'll get a message and I'll be like, jerk. You develop an unshakable level of certainty. Now, I could live a different lifestyle, 402, but I live a very modest, humble lifestyle.

The boss.

I haven't heard that word, jerk, for like 30 years. What a legend. No, but that's. I'm telling you, man. So let your actions. Let your children.

Wow.

Daddy's amazing. Let your 1, 2, 3, 4 kids advocate for you. Let your in laws advocate for you. Let every other person see how amazing you are and the runs on the board. You've done such that by doing that. So with my family and I keep them grounded. When you make something greater than you become less. If your wife's still bitter and resentful. She's the common denominator that then people step in and have that. What do they call it when people come, the intervention. So I'm very conscious on how I teach my children about money and. And Corinne and. And. But, you know, doesn't get to that point, man, because you always win. Cautious. I mean, we'll all put our hand up and say our wives are the best shoppers. That's for sure that in with one of three ways. One, you realign and things are great and you can't move forward. Two, you both have clarity together. It's not the path moving forward and you move on and it's not being the bottomless pit. But the reality is like being arrogant in your needs and desires is just look, this is the path and it isn't anymore. Or three, because of your rapid rate of growth, you find out the hidden agenda or the real agenda that she wasn't really all in anyway or hadn't been for like 10, 12, 15 years and she's not willing to come to the party either way. What, what a shackle to release yourself from. Despite the emotional connection you've had, your internal drivers are going to create that attraction and connection where it's like hey, and the history is painful as that is. Would you really want someone like that in your house, in your bed every night who doesn't believe in you, isn't investing you anyway? But then it's the hard, the hard thing because we had shaky times. It's like an 18 month war. We're going to a counselors and, and as is the timeline to reveal one of those three options. Could be a month, could be 12 months, could be three years. But if I said I'll give you a 100 guarantee and certainty that you'll have that answer you hypnotherapy, I'd try it at all man. Like it's not, it's. It's why I created hpf because we're trying to rebuild our marriage. Give the time. You give 14 months, you'd get 42 months, you give 33, of course you would.

Everyone deserves their pursuit of happiness, right? Everyone, everyone in this world deserves a pursuit of happiness, right? It's whether or not they're, no pun intended. They're going to look through rose colored glasses to find out, right? Because that's the, that's the honest truth, man. You, you like honesty of its truest form will. Will bring everything to the surface.

Mate. I. Yeah and that, that's again man like it when I, when I say the truth always wins, like there's times where I'm direct. It's not for a personal agenda. Like conflict is an uncomfortable thing. But I run towards that feeling because I know it's the right path and you mentioned what's necessary versus what's right. That's important because I think if we shape that a bit better, bits and pieces work. But nothing was cohesive to the family Nucleus and consistent for what a man needs. And a woman, to be fair, too, because what the woman needs is what the man is, is the outcome of what the man needs and can provide consistently. Right? So the counseling can hold its place. I'm not against that, but I'm saying it's like, what percentage do you need to counter what has been diminishing it as it's what's necessary for what's a better right later. So there's times where I am the Viking. I'm not abusive of my wife, but I'm the Viking. I put the foot down. I'm like, no, that's fucking bullshit, man. I don't tolerate that. And I'm cool if you're unhappy with that. And there's these things. Don't ever go to bed upset, blah, blah. I get them and they're good. We try some of them and they don't always work. But there's other times I'm like, well, yeah, I get that. Don't go to sleep unhappy. But there's times where it's like, well, the returns for many years. So if you've been in a deficit for 5, 6, 7, 8 years, but cancer can improve you 20% with your relationship, well, fuck me, man. Like, be careful of that. Like, you're at minus 470. This is a position in the line that needs to be drawn. And then tomorrow, with a fresh set of eyes, we can regroup and. And address things. Whether I apologize or she apologizes first or second together, it's irrelevant. It's. It's doing what's necessary at the time, which might not always be right through the eyes of others. Is that going to turn the tide? Maybe. Have you got 20 years? Whereas developing yourself and having.

Yes.

To ensure a better right in the. In the future, that's. That's the hardest thing, I'd say, even for our powerful men who are Vikings at work and in their businesses, that they shift independent too quickly because that conflict. But then you're exhausted, right? You've been dealing with that all day with your business and your place of work. But then you're watching that unshakable certainty because of your. Your growth, and you keep going and growing. It became dealing with children and other challenges, and then all of a sudden, the exhaustion leads to a lack of investment, and then you drift. It's very mindful that. But when I say the truth always wins, it's from a place of love. Despite how direct or candid I might be at times. Naz, walk me through, I guess, and really enjoyed this. This part two. Man, it's been awesome. But I'm not sure how we go with time. But I'd love a quick snapshot on has this helped you in any way with the old man? You know, you've got an old, hard headed, strong Italian father who's, you know, still the. Well, I guess you would say he's the, he's the patriarch of the. The business or the farm or still the head.

But yeah, yeah, of course, man.

Things improved with him through what you've done. Are there things that.

Because my house, it has. Look, I, I think, I think with the point in time of where I was at in my life, he lost a lot of trust in me.

And.

He was never ashamed or embarrassed. But he. He knew that I sold myself short and he was disappointed to a degree because he knew I had more in the tank. But I chose not to. Right again. What? You're not changing your choosing? Yeah.

At the point where I said to Karen, look, I can keep building. Like you don't believe me. That's sweet. Let's. Let's roll.

Let's.

Let's remeasure in 10 years. Let's check in 20s, let's check in 30 years. Like, I'll keep going. Don't you worry about that. But don't just listen to these words. Let me show you. But also food for thought. Krin, do you need to wait 10 years to enjoy the fruits or do you want to start?

The old guard is set in his ways to a degree traditionally and culture wise. You know, you never questioned your father. You just followed suit. So now, knowing what I know, the skill set that I've taken on board, the knowledge that I've learned and I've implemented in my life, I no longer seek his approval. And he actually admires and respects me for that because he knows I'm a man of my own two feet and that I'm doing right by me and my pathway. It's. It's the, it's so important that I.

Join the journey now and just see where it lands and take it one day at a time. So of course there's a skill set, fellas, on how you shift perspective and walk the timelines with your wife. But also it's pretty clear, like, hey, it's been 18 months. We either go all in or we don't. I'm happy to go 5, 10, 12, 20 years. Like, I'm all in on this. If, if this is something you need, cool. But why don't we start living today?

Take pride in that also. You know, the quote, the family you build is more important than the family you come from. I. I stand true to that. Right. Because, yes, I love and respect my parents, but that doesn't defy or build my family that I'm trying to build opportunities. I am the one that takes that.

Hey, so we don't have to wait 20 years to enjoy the fruits. How's that? Is that going to work out good for you? All right, fantastic. Let's go. Do you think it stopped? Right. It was a pretty good catalyst for her, but also, yeah, of course, she still tested me, but the truth always wins. The truth always wins. The truth always wins. And that's why people hate me, man. Like, the only reason.

It's not his responsibility, it's mine. Yes, he's instilling a legacy through me, through my brother, but it's my responsibility to take action and further more, show him that I've got. I've got it. I've got it now. Right. I hold the reins to this, to this race. I don't need you to run it for me. There was a lot where he thought he had to run it for me, and I allowed him to. Right. Which was piss poor form. So it has. It's allowed us to agree to disagree in some regards because again, like I said, the old guard is set in his ways and I love him for it. Right.

And someone will be skeptical or critical of me, my approach, and call it tough love. I call it love tough. Like, I'm here to. To bleed for this mission and for all men across this country. And you're a great example, Naz. And that's. That's what I love most. It's not to the haters, but it is an enjoyable thing to say, hey, look at all these people living an amazing life. I actually don't care about the.

The man. He's created traditions that I want to instill in my kids for them to uphold and obtain.

And.

And there's also things that he's had to pivot and adapt and learn to respect the things that I want to uphold now. And he won't tell me, but I know he's proud of it.

Yes. The old balls as they do. Yeah, well, man, similar.

And he doesn't need to, man. He doesn't need to tell me. Right?

Yeah, that's right. You know that they know and they know that you know. Yes. I love that, that quote, man, the family you build is more important than the family you've come from. I've never heard that before but I completely agree because the baton's been handed. You know the. The reins are yours like you said. Yeah, completely agree. What mate? Curious on a couple of things. Wrapping up. Best advice you've ever received thoughts on that?

This is. This is a whole nother. This is part three man.

Do we have time. 10 part series.

The best advice.

Look the type of life that I can live because I'm already. I'm already full. My cup is full. And I love that being okay with where things are at allows me to just push so hard man. Going without needing or wanting but ultimately uplifting the men like you Naz and going hey, you might hate me.

That's the list is endless and endless more like off the men that I've. I've engaged with creative relationships with in this space. I love being another small fish in a big pond because it's allowed me to be a more open and receptive to growth and listen to some men that have walked harder paths than me and. And allowed me to course correct and keep moving forward. The best advice that I've been given. One of the top.

Cool. Because what I'm the. I'm the face of an ad now but look at this dude. Look at this dude. Look at this dude. That and so. So fellas, what I'm saying is like you've got to create that unshakable certainty but a lot of the times through your actions that will look after itself.

5. Let's go. Because this.

Yeah. There's a few.

They all make certain. They all meet certain expectations and values from different. Different pivot points.

Right?

Yeah.

One of the greatest. One of the best. Yeah. I agreed to get up on stage over a hundred men, all that sort of stuff. Could be a hundred, could be 10,000. Doesn't matter. You know the people you know get.

Something you never had. You need to do something you never did. So step out of the version of who you are today to get and chase your pursuit of happiness.

The subject. Let's go. In fact the more the merrier. I really enjoyed that over in Perth. It was awesome. But ultimately you deserve.

You're gonna need to do something you've never done. But what that is for you. I whoever's.

Why is that? Well, my confidence is Naz Santoro.

My confidence, listening. Maybe totally different things, but the motive stays the same. You want it better. Tomorrow you're going to get uncomfortable. My choice, my wins. My sacrifice was through high performance. Father.

This is Luke o' Brien Sean Hutton like how do you get a man that's 123 years old still turning up and performing. It's I gotta get it. I'll know when. Yes.

So that's the best advice I've one of the top three top five that I've that I've ever got. To get something you've never had you need to do something you've never done. Go get it.

Yeah. It's powerful man. What about you giving to another best of or one of the top or great piece of advice you've ever given. You've given someone one of the top pieces of advice you've ever given or quotes or whether it's a member non member in life.

Reach for the stars man. Don't sell yourself short. Right. Because fear of failing I was listening.

To this podcast because I'll get a message and I'll be like jerk.

The boss.

I haven't heard that word jerk for like 30 years. What a legend. No but that's I'm telling you man. So let your actions let your children wow Daddy's amazing. Let your 1, 2 and because you've.

Tried is fast 10 times better than being a failure for not trying at all. So important that you understand the differences between the two. Reach for the stars and if you fall short you're still flying anyway you're still soaring like a eagle. You still reach you still taking life.

34 kids advocate for you. Let your in laws advocate for you.

Let f and living life of an abundance. But if you don't take a chance don't push yourself. You're sitting in the trenches dwelling on.

Life that's failure every other person see how amazing you are and the runs on the board you've done such that by doing that if your wife's still bitter and resentful she's the common denominator that then people stand. Yeah. That's awesome. I love that quote you said so much too that it's in our journals Reach for the stars because even if you if you come up in and have that what do they call it when people come the intervention short man. You're still flying that that last one though like that's a I guess guys if you want to think of this but you know doesn't get to that point man because you always win visually it's so much better and worth it. I promise you that taking from someone who's up more than anyone else that's for sure like the amount of failures that's what I love about my we want of three ways. One, you realign and things are great and you keep moving forward. Two Jordans. I missed 9,000 shots. Quite. You know, so much better. It is best to walk and to fail on the path to victory. It's so much better to fail and stumble and fall on the path to victory than it is to walk the steady path of failure. Like, think about that. You both have clarity together. It's not the path moving forward and you move on and it's not being. That's. That's what Naz is saying there. It's so much better to be on the path to victory and fall and stumble than to have a smooth, steady walk on what is the path of failure. Imagine that. You see two big paths. There's big signs. Path of victory, path to failure. It's very smooth road, nice and easy cruising, no ups, no downs. So you'll have a. You'll have a good run being arrogant in your needs and desires. Just look, this is the path and it isn't anymore. Or you'll have a good run towards that path of failure right down into the dip, into the pit. And then you've got the three. Because of your rapid rate of growth, you find out the hidden agenda or the real agenda that she wasn't really on, which is like, holy, look at. This is like a war zone. But then at the top of that, there's this big mountain that's shining. It's got this bright lights like, wow, what the. That. Give me that. And you look at you like, oh, I'm clearly gonna have some battle scars here. I'll tell you, man. I 100 of the time and all in anyway. Or hadn't been for like 10, 12, 15 years. And she's not willing to come to the party either way. What. What a shackle to release yourself from. Despite the emotional connection you've had. Like, I would take that path 100 of the time, despite how hard it is in the moment. I've never even considered the other path. Never even looked at it. I love that man. Wrapping up, mate. Member shout out Is there a man on the inside who's. And the history is painful as that is. Would you really want someone like that in your house, in your bed, doing well? You've brought through the gates. You've seen him grow and develop. Any, any, any shout outs or any final. Every night who doesn't believe in you isn't investing you anyway. But then it's the hard. The hard thing. Final thoughts, mate, as we wrap this up there is so there's so many.

But one, one, one guy that, that comes to mind. There's like a look each individually, every single member that I've got them to.

Nazis the timeline to reveal one of those three options. It could be a month, could be 12 months, could be three years. But if I said I'll give you a 100 guarantee and certainty that you'll have that answer.

You believe that they have the ability to be more in life.

You give the time, you give 14 months, you'd get 42 months. You give 33.

Of course they're all equal, right? They're all phenomenal men that have stepped up to the plate and, and shown the initiative. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, right. They've portions. Everyone deserves their pursuit of happiness. Right? Everyone, everyone in this world deserves a pursuit that showed that they got the balls to step up, right. They're all of equal value. Much respect to every single one of them. The level. I love you all. And, and the guys that, you know, it's not now it's a later thing or whatever the case may. Whatever. Whatever story they tell themselves, you know, much respect to them also for, for at least showing the initiative to reach out. You know, it's most important thing, right? It's first step that you're taking. But Matty Lehman me, man, what an absolute legend that this guy still remember. I still remember that the. The console quite vividly. The circumstances that he was facing. The limiting beliefs that were anchoring him of happiness. Right? It's whether or not they're. No pun intended. They're going to look through rose colored glasses to find out, right? Because that's the, that's the honest truth, man. You. You like honesty of its truest form. And to see him run free now, man, is get like, man, my hair is standing up like on that everywhere. Not in my head, but everywhere else, bro. Will. Will bring everything.

The follicles are standing up inside.

Yeah. You know, like to hear him, you know, instilling high performance father traits in his son and chatting to the surface. About. And talking about it and seeing that. That smile of hope and graciousness now on his face in, you know, in the. In the zoom sessions that we have.

May. Oh yeah. And that. That's again man like it when I, when I say the truth always wins.

He did this. And I wanted. And I really want him to know that. You did this yourself, Maddie. Right. All because you stepped up to the plate.

Much respect to you like there's times where I'm direct. It's not for a personal agenda. Like conflict is an uncomfortable thing.

You, you deserve all the happiness in the world as every man does. But mate, his dedication to his life is a true representation of what's possible if you go all in on yourself.

Yeah, he's a beast at the moment, man. He's doing really, really well. I can't wait to see him in Cozy. Just unleash another gear again. Yeah, agreed. Very well developed calves as well. Actually. I met him in Melbourne's like, man, that dude could save a family from under a car with a calf race. I was like, how do I have a 1% body fat set of calves?

Yeah, he's a bit of a beast. Yes, sir.

Awesomeness as always. Love and appreciate you, bro. Thank you so much for sharing your story and insights and your wisdom and. But I run towards that feeling because I know it's the right path and you mentioned what's necessary versus what's right. That's important because I think if we shape that a bit better as it's what's necessary for what's a better right later. So there's times where I am the Viking. I truly hope that you guys got some great value out of both parts. One and two. It's just, just like I said, man, humbled and privileged to. To do this and be part of this and. And to be connected to men like yourself. There's. I wouldn't change it for the world, man. I truly mean that. So thank you, bro. Thank you for giving the time and thank you. I'm not abusive of my wife, but I'm the Viking. I put the foot down. I'm like, no, that's man. I don't tolerate that. Give you guys for also giving the time and tuning in. I hope you get some key takeaways and use them as drivers to move forward. And I'm cool if you're unhappy with that. And there's these things. Don't ever go to bed upset.

Appreciate you, man. Appreciate you immensely for creating this, sticking by this even through the test of times that a lot of people would. Would have given up on. But for all you guys listening out there, if you're listening to this, you're already. You're already being inquisitive enough to. To want to make the changes you need necessarily in your life. Job's not done yet. Don't just. Don't just sit in idle wondering what your ability because time you'll never get back. And why would you want to die wandering.

And you're gonna spend the time anyway. No, it's, it's true, man. If you guys listen and you resonate with this podcast and you listen to, I don't know, five more episodes, you might not have had the fruit yet, but, yeah, you're 99 there. You were so much closer than you think. You, you really are a one second decision away. And that's not from joining HPF or anything. You're a one second decision away from blah, blah. I get them and they're good. We try some of them and they don't always work. But there's other times I'm like, well, yeah, I get that. Don't go to sleep unhappy. But there's times where it's like, well, this is a position in the line that needs to be drawn. And then tomorrow, with a fresh set of eyes, we can regroup and, and address things. Whether I apologize or she apologizes first or second together, it's irrelevant. It's. It's doing what's necessary at the time, which might not always be right through the eyes of others, putting the infrastructure in place to action. What you know in your heart, you desire and the purpose to ensure a better right in the, in the future. That's, that's the hardest thing I'd say, even for our powerful men who are Vikings at work and in their businesses, that they shift into pursuit. Born to live. You really are so it as hard as I am at times. There's some candid messages. It credit to you, man, because you, you're extremely close. You're so much closer than you think you really are. Thank you, Naz. Thank you, man. Appreciate you all.

Appreciate you.

I'll see you in the next one.

Jesus.

Panda. Too quickly because that conflict. But then you're exhausted, right? You've been dealing with that all day with your business and your place of work. But then your wife's been dealing with children and other challenges and then all of a sudden the exhaustion leads to a lack of investment and then you drift. It's be very mindful that. But when I say the truth always wins, it's from a place of love, despite how direct or candid I might be at times. Naz, walk me through, I guess and really enjoy this. This part two, man, it's been awesome. But I'm not sure how we go with time. But I'd love a quick snapshot on has this helped you in any way with the old man? You know, he got an old, hard headed, strong Italian father Who's, you know, still the. Well, I guess you would say he's the. He's the patriarch of the. The business or the farm or still the head, but.

Yeah, yeah, of course, man.

Have things improved with him through what you've done? Are there things that.

Because my size, it has. Look, I think. I think with the point in time of where I was at in my life, he lost a lot of trust in me, and he was never ashamed or embarrassed, but he. He knew that I sold myself short, and he was disappointed to a degree because he knew I had more in the tank. But I chose not to. Right again. What? You're not changing your choosing. Yeah. The old guard is setting his ways to a degree traditionally and culture wise. You know, you never questioned your father. You just followed suit. So now, knowing what I know, the skill set that I've taken on board, the knowledge that I've learned and I've implemented in my life, I no longer seek his approval. And he actually admires and respects me for that because he knows I'm a man of my own two feet and that I'm doing right by me and my pathway. It's. It's the. It's so important that I take pride in that. Also, you know, the quote, the family you build is more important than the family you come from. I. I stand true to that. Right. Because, yes, I love and respect my parents, but that doesn't defy or build my family, that I'm trying to build opportunities. I am the one that takes that focus. It's not his responsibility, it's mine. Yes, he's instilling a legacy. It's through me, through my brother, but it's my responsibility to take action. And further, more shock.