High Performance Father

All right, season two, episode three of Hutto's Hazing. We've got another special guest ready to haze. I want. Sorry if you don't know what that means. Just go back to the old podcast. We, we celebrated our oldest member, Hutto's 90th the other week. That's so in his honor. We've mentioned him in a few podcasts, but now look, got. Got an amazing man. I remember talking to this man feels like yesterday and, and helping him walk through the gates and what a turnaround. We've got Irish Mr. Wayne island joining us today to share his journey. Part of the mighty Titans, a squad that's just absolutely dominating Winter wars at the moment and rightfully so. Got some amazing men, but, but also equally as important way know and, and Hutto and Lee and Luke. Actually the last few men we've had on our episodes, they're actually squad leaders. So these are men who are a high level of leader inside hpf. And I just got to say that's so awesome, Wayne. Like I didn't really mention that. And the boys will listen to this and huge shout out to all of our squad leaders. But, but having that, that upper echelon of the top 1% men who really want to give back and serve and with no expectations, yeah, it's just, it's phenomenal, man. It really is. But Wayne, thanks for joining us, mate. Looking forward to diving in and carving out the, the story that you've lived so far for other men listening. But yeah, thanks for sending. Thanks for sharing the time man and spending the time to share your story and your journey with us today, mate.

That's a real honor, man. It really is. And being included in the, the Titan squad leaders, just being in with that group of men is phenomenal in itself. The pick me ups that you get each and every day just with our chat that we've got going on and you know, there's a whole lot of banter here and there, but no, it's really, really good energy. So thanks for having me on and.

Yeah, yeah, that's a pleasure, man. You know, it's, it's, it's. I gotta say man, it's one thing to start something, but it's, it's another to completely feel like you're pulled towards a journey in life. And that's what HPF feels like to me because of other great men like you, Wayne and yourself included and what we're all building together. I feel, I don't really mean that like it's, you know, I Feel very lucky and, and quite humbled to, to be part of your journey in your life, mate. Won't spend too long, I know. So we run the squad leaders like a Chinese sweatshop. So you've got a 15 minute break, mate, and your boys need to get back in and. Oh, I got to tell you though, the activity is insane. It's. It's so good, so good to see you guys championing each other and just raising the bar every single week. And just for those who don't know. So with the squad leaders, right, I mean, some of these, these guys are getting together, reading through chapters of leadership books and personal development books and then applying that with the other members, like, that's just. Mate, what a fucking unbelievable cascading approach of leadership, you know? But, Wayne, I'd love to know more about you, man. Well, I do, but I love the guys listening to this to learn a little bit more about yourself and just sharing your journey, mate. A little bit about you, your family and life to date. And then we'll dig into a couple of challenges that we genuinely see across the world, really, with men and the struggles of today, being a man. And also share some wisdom as you've no doubt got plenty to give, but love to learn a little bit more about yourself, mate, and, and life to date.

Sure, man. Yeah. Wayne Island. I've joined hpf about 10 months ago. I've got a beautiful wife, Tegan. We've been married for 14 years. Two beautiful kids, 9 and 7, Scarlet and Phoenix. And yeah, that little family nucleus is my world. Just love it. I grew up Central Coast, New South Wales. I don't know if I went to school with one of your cousins, actually, Stephen Ranieri.

All right, I'm on the coast now.

But where about Central Coast Wyong was the high school we went to. I grew up in a little town called Yarram Long. And on my phone from Budgie Boy. Yeah, right.

Yeah, not far. Not far at all, man, from. I grew up obviously at Western Sydney, but yeah, there you go, Steve. Maybe probably second cousins. Not, not first, but yeah, there's not too many Ranieris. There's heaps in Melbourne somewhere, but that's about it. But bloody wogs.

Yeah, grew up Central coast, New South Wales. Beautiful part of the world. If you haven't been there. My primary school, I think there was three of us in year six. Goes to speak to how small it was. 26 students from kindergarten to six. It's pretty crazy. Had a great life growing up out there. Lots of country activities obviously we had horses and ponies, so always off going to shows and the Royal Easter show in Sydney and all that sort of thing. And when I wasn't hanging out with mum and dad doing the horse stuff, I was at my aunt and uncle's over at Budgie Boy. So that's pretty much where most of our family was always big family get togethers and granny had a house down right near Budgie Beach. So you know, two minute walk up there. Just love the beach life. So that's pretty much where I grew up through my teens. Left school early or at the end of year 10. Just didn't really find the love for year 11 and 12. So I had God, all, all manner of jobs. Started out fencing, then small motors, mechanic, working on chicken farms and abour and all sorts of stuff. Sort of early 20s. I followed my family to Manila which is up near Tamworth. And I just sort of fell into a pretty bad drinking habit. I guess that's pretty much Australian culture back then. And I didn't know who I was, where I was going, what I wanted to do. I just found myself in a rut. I was pretty depressed and for me to get an out I joined the Defense Force. So from there I joined the Army. 2007 shipped me off to Kapuka and then they strip you down to your barest of bears and then build you back up. That experience in itself was unreal. It made me or given me the base for who I am today definitely. But yeah, it was a good journey. Spent four years in there. 2009 I traveled to Afghanistan, did a tour over there 9 and 10 I came home and met Tig and my now wife. Went to go and spend three days with her and ended up spending 10. I left that little engagement and went and bought a wedding ring. So she must have had a fair impact on me. Not long after that Tegan moved to Townsville with us. It was a bit of a wildfire actually. And then from there tried to get a transfer out of Townsville down to Brisbane in the defense and that didn't happen. So I left the Defense Force and followed Tegan and have been mining pretty much ever since. So yeah, now I run a crew. We got 35 plus contractors that work under us and yeah, that's sort of where we're at up to now.

The that's so interesting man. Like you choosing, choosing the army. So obviously at a time where they're. Well I guess the environment actually that is interesting. Like the environment wasn't conducive to a greater good. I mean, let's just call that for what it is, right? You know, drinking culture and drugs and. And just, you know, a lot of tomfoolery going on. Right. So what was driving you? What drove you to change then? Why didn't you just come into the fold and be like everyone else? I'm curious on that one.

First, I wasn't sure I didn't have a direction, man. Like, I just knew I needed to get out of what I was.

Like, what's. And obviously we'll talk about before hpf, but, like, yeah, what did you feel was your guide throughout that time as a man? Because so many young men who might not be fathers yet listen to these podcasts, Wayne, and it's like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what success is. I don't know my direction. But, yeah, curious on that. And then also, what led you to hpf.

Direction wise? I guess I've run a lot off gut and just my general feeling for things. If I don't get a good feeling for somewhere, I generally won't hang around for too long. So, yeah, just my. I don't know, my innate ability to. Or my desire. My desire for more, I guess, to. I just. I'm not comfortable. I want more. So if I get too stagnant, I'm not growing, I'm not learning. So I don't want to hang around and waste my life, essentially. And then, yeah, I don't know, I fell into mining. So Tegan is an environmental engineer, so she was actually the one that got us in. And then from there I just started. And I've always been a quick learner. I. I guess it is that hunger to learn more. So I just followed the line and there was always a carrot, another carrot, another carrot. So this kept climbing higher and higher until we got to a point where I come to a fork in the road and it was like, do I want to do university and get my surveyor's degree, or do I want to go a different path and go up from the inside? From the operator, I was like, do I want to do university and get my surveyor's degree, or do I want to go a different path and go up from the inside, from the operator's perspective and the university degree just scream schooling again to me. So I went out in the pit and started operating. Perspective and the university degree just screamed schooling again to me. So I went out in the pit and started operating, which I ended up doing a shitload of study for anyway, right. So the role that I'm in now is a statutory position. So it took a few years of study of law and legislation and all that anyway, so I could have gone either way and it would have been similar outcome, I guess. But yeah, the desire to grow and learn more and just be more in general, which I ended up doing a shitload of study for anyway, right. So the role that I'm in now as a statutory, I guess is what's pulled me to where I am. And then what drove me to hpf? Well, my marriage was falling apart actually. That's being kind. My marriage had fallen apart position. So it took a few years of study of law and legislation and all that anyway, so. So in the very early years during Tegan and I as wildfire, I was a little promiscuous, something I'm not proud of. And I could have gone either way and would have been similar outcome, I guess. But yeah, the desire to grow and learn more and just be more in general. I had a couple of one night stands and then never got spoken about. And the guilt ate me up for the next 13 years.

And.

During that time I lost who I was. It. I don't know, it's a tough thing to live with. I stopped finding joy in lots of things. I thought I was just providing because I was going to work and bringing home the money as so many of us do, but it wasn't working and Tegan was suffocating and she put the writing on the wall for me. So I guess is what's pulled me to where I am. And then what drove me to hpf? Well, my marriage was falling apart actually. That's being kind. My marriage had fallen apart so many times, so many times. And I was just in a huge avoidant pattern and I didn't listen or I ignored it or whatever we want to put it, but I didn't take heed and I didn't change what I was doing. So yeah, we went. What exactly happened? Anyway, she hit me with the ultimatum that it's pretty much over unless I change my ways. And then like we say, the old phone must have picked up what was out there in the atmosphere and up popped your pretty face and here we are today. I put the call through and you called me back. So yeah. And here we are 10 months later.

I appreciate you sharing and opening up like that too, man. Like it's a. It's so tough. And I look at HBF being built off my marriage falling apart and it's like it's it's so hard at the time and as always, it takes two hands to clap. But for us as men, if we're not willing to fall in our sword and then get back off it and, and move through redemptive mode too, no, no human being should ever just cow with their tail between their legs forever. But to rise up and, and choose to do something about it is. It's pretty honorable, man. And it's. It is raw and real, Wayno. And it takes a lot of balls and courage to do something about it instead of just, just hiding away. So huge love and respect for you, man, for. For doing something about it where most men don't. Unfortunately, just because you don't hear about it on the news doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It happens everywhere, every day, all the time. And it's. That's sad because everyone loses, including the children. And. But just before we dive into the change and the journey and what you've done, you know, you, Teague and your family, what are your thoughts on the world as it currently stands? Because it sounds like this is a common thing where men just try and make money and provide for the family and they appear to be. Yeah, I don't know if you mentioned the word loss, but that is, that is a natural thing. Upon reflection, that happens. But you don't feel lost until you stop and look around. But most men don't stop and look around until they get square smacked in the face. And that's always too little, too late at that stage. So what's. What do you see out in the world, man? Like what. What's the biggest struggle that men have? They. They don't have the right mentorship, the right people around them. They don't have the direction on what success should be. Just make money and provide. Like, what do you see as being a real big challenge for young men today before they enter fatherhood and liking that direction?

Something I've tried to look more on lately because I've, yeah, sort of asked myself the same question and I don't know if it's like something that resonates with me is that like, we used to have a coming of age thing when you go back to when we're in our tribes and we're primal and, and there was just something about that where young men had to earn their way to step up and become a man within the tribe. And I feel with current society, we don't really have that. We go through school and it's all pretty airy fairy. So to speak. You know, you get the jocks that go and play football and all this sort of thing, but I just feel like we let our young fellas go off into the world without really having that mentorship or that guidance. As they, as they progress up through the. The high years, you know, they leave home, which is fine. Everyone's going to. And then they're just left to their own devices. It's. I don't know. I don't know how you combat it. But that's just where I see, where I think I see the downfall is.

Do you see that in your line of work as well, man? Like the mining, the FIFO industry or, or Dido. But the, the. Yeah, you know, like it's. It seems like it could be a cultural thing. Is it a belief system thing? Guys just are unaware. They're ignorant. Like what. Yeah. What do you see, like in, in the workforce as well with these young men that, that leads to them going in the wrong direction?

I think there is a lot of ignorance out there. The mining game, I actually live where I work, so that really works for us as a family. But the fly in, fly out, you hear the stories of what happens on camp and it's a big boys club. You know, everyone's drinking piss and carrying on and it's all a hoot. But I don't know if that really, you know, that transfers back to real life situations. Yeah. So if you imagine you're 17 and you get out into this atmosphere and that's what you're exposed to all the time, where is that leadership or where is that mentorship coming from if that's. That's what you're exposed to?

Yeah, great. I've referenced. Referenced it a few times in podcasts. You know, Pinocchio going to the island, they act like donkeys, they then become donkeys. Right. So funny the, the hidden message in that children's film. But where did your desire come from? Because you mentioned something that I just love, mate. You said you ambitious and a desire and a want for more. And for all of you listening, like, there's nothing wrong with that, man. Like it's. There's nothing wrong with you. You don't have to be normal or average or all the other words that people try and use. Australia is just rife with tall poppy syndrome, the crabs in the bucket, so to speak. There's nothing wrong with wanting more, but it seems to be a very taboo subject or not very highly spoken of, or it's greed or all these other things that's mislabeled or misplaced or you're superficial. It's not even about more money. It's a desire and ambition for more life. But do you know, was there a moment for you in your life? Where did that come from? Like, how did that manifest or foster itself inside of you? Because not a lot of people, unfortunately, not a lot of people have that drive or desire for more in life. Or if they do, in their words, they certainly don't back it up with actions. But how about you, man? Where do you feel that that sort of, you know, planted itself in your life?

I had a really good role model in my uncle when I was growing up, and I still look up to him to this day, even in his older, frail state. But he was a good example to me of what a man should be and what we should strive for. And then again, I feel like I lost a lot of that, I don't know, desire or that hunger maybe during the last six or seven years where I was just pushing at work, sort of reflecting on it here. Now, there was still that desire there, right? Because I was still growing, still pushing hard, and I was still climbing that tree. But I guess my desire now is for more outside of work. Like, that was very work focused because it was easy to dive into. Right. It's. The goals are there, and it's easy to know that I just got to do these steps to keep climbing higher. So I can actually thank Teagan for a lot of my desire now to push onward and upward and find more outside of the service category. She's a huge advocate, and she's. Yeah, she really does light a fire inside me. And together we're pretty much unstoppable when we're singing along together. So I think, yeah, I think a combination of just not, and I mean, life not being enough, doing what we're doing. And then with Tegan beside me, it just creates a hunger that there's so much more out there. There's so much more to live for and experience. And I got two little kids, man, and if I can take them, like this trip around the world and show them that you don't. Life isn't just living in this little town and just going to work and coming home each day. Like, there's cultures out there which are thousands of years old. There's mountains and caves, and there's just. There's so much in the world that we haven't experienced them. Yeah, that's. That's another big driver.

That's exciting, man. A little like you said Phoenix and Scarlett, traveling around the world with them. How awesome. What an adventure. What, what amazing exposure you're going to be giving them. And so true, man. Like my, I kind of want my wife to be ambitious in life the way that I am, but she helps magnify or compound what I do professionally, what we build professionally and personally and together as a team. And that's really important, man. What do you feel led to the hardships? You obviously mentioned the sins of the past, but like, what did you find as a heart? Is it, is it parenthood? Is it trying to juggle it all? What led to the eventual. Because that was a long time ago. But then it was like, okay, but then you reached out to us. You took that step. So was it an itch that hadn't been scratched? Hey, I need to really get this together. Family self service. I mean, most men don't hear that term, but that's. There are three circles that make your life. Like, what, what do you feel led? And typically across a lot of families, what do you feel leads to the breakdown in disconnect in the household?

There's a lot of time I didn't put into Tegan's cup and when you don't fill one of the three cups, the whole lot tends to suffer. And obviously there was a guilt on my side. So I think subconsciously for me there was also that because I felt so horrible that I didn't deserve to enjoy life. So I would, I don't know, I'd try and look on the sad side and I guess I'd feel guilty. Right. Know I'm terrible human and this is the sort of, that I've done. And then, yeah, so you get in a little bit of a whirlwind there and you just get inside your head and it's a vicious cycle. And then being so self centered in that regard and focusing on that, well, I didn't, I was forgetting Tegan and then I didn't fill her cup. I didn't help around the house a whole lot. I sort of thought that I was doing my part just by going to work and bringing in a good paycheck and you know, we live a good life, but it's not enough. You really need to, need to treat her like my queen. That's. That was one of the big things. But I also needed to give back to myself. So once I started to give back to myself and it was you that said it to me and it was, it dawned on me that day that you don't judge a man by his actions, or you do judge his actions, not the man. Sorry. And that cut through man, that. That really opened me right up. And I was like, well, if Al can see that and say that about me, then why can't I see the same in myself? So from then, after that little bit of a change in perspective or the reframe, I started to build faith and trust in myself again. I got out of the guilt spiral, and then once I was able to see more clearly, I was able to start putting effort in to myself and then to Tegan and then dedicating time to the kids.