Men Who Rise | The Making Of The Modern Father

The best way I'd say it would be I was hollow. I was there, but was I mentally and emotionally there? No, no, I wasn't there entirely. I don't have the full vibrant memories of particular things that all men, fathers, want to carry to their grave, and that's memories of the girls. This is something that I have to carry now, you know, moving forward.

It's—

I remember being there, but do I remember Nadia's first day of school? No, no, not at all. There's a photo of us. Do I even remember getting in that photo and hugging her? I remember looking at her, her facial expression, her eyes, how excited, nervous, scared, all those emotions that, you know, that she was leaning and depending on me to support her with. I don't remember anything. You know, that's, that's hard.

I still remember it. I was driving home one day and I don't know whether it was like, it was almost an anxiety attack. I couldn't function. I pulled over and sat on the side of the road for an hour and didn't know what was going on. I literally thought I was broken. I still remember that afternoon. I still remember where I pulled over and then I got myself together, came home, went in, and then I think I just hid in the bedroom. And I just didn't think that I could get any support from home because I hadn't been the greatest partner, husband. I couldn't speak to anybody, say at work, and I had no idea where to start. And once you're there, it's— that's a— yeah, that's a pretty shitty spot to get yourself into.

I had a persistent nagging feeling that I was holding myself back. I felt like an 80/20 guy. I felt like I had a self-imposed glass ceiling. I was seen as the 2IC. My whole career seen as the 2IC to other leaders. That's fine, that's okay, but there was something missing. I felt like I was, yeah, just had my own self-imposed glass ceiling. As an athlete, because of the asthma and because of how talented my brother was, I was not identified. I was never expected to amount to much. So everything was a matter of convincing myself and others that I was worthy. I had an elite mindset, I had good sacrifices, I did what I needed to do to be at the top, but I never believed I could be a champion. I had imposed a glass ceiling. So those last few years of being an athlete were tough. It was clear objectively that I was not going to come home with hardware. I was not going to— and barring a mishap, barring everybody falling over, I was— those medals were out of reach. And that was hard. When I walked in these doors 2 and a half years ago, I was broken. I couldn't— I didn't sleep through the night. I'd sleep for 3 or 4 hours and then get up and stretch. I just consigned to a life of hip pain and neck pain skating. I just assumed that was my life. You know, my, my lower back couldn't rotate at all. I thought that was just me forever. So there's a small amount of fear in not turning up every day. Coaching my kids, I don't push my Jazzy and I keep checking in. And so coaching her, I just want to make sure she is developing at her speed and gets as as many opportunities she wants, but also that I'm not pushing her.

And if we lose the game, then we all like say things about what our teammates did well to like hype each other up. And if we win the game, we talk about how we can do better next time to keep winning.

There you go, she's worked out my formula.

You told me about that.

So yeah, losses. Losing is actually the key. So losing well is part of getting better at anything. The easiest way to lose is to try your best to actually do everything you can, and when you walk off the court, you haven't got it, you know, it's normal to feel sad, and it's normal to feel like you— and you sit there and reflect on all the things you could have done better.

So the losses are what build us.

So yeah, it's a good way to win and a good way to lose, isn't there?

But it's just fun.

Yeah, it's a game.

Oh yeah.

Thank you.

Make sure we go to the right court.

I'm Mark McKnee. I go by Marco. I'm 44 years old. I'm a proud dad of two daughters, one 14-year-old birthday today, and then the youngest is 10. Turning 12 in January. Me and my wife have been together, partners, for 20 years now. It's going on 21 in April, and married for 7 of those or something. We prioritised getting on with life over spending money on marriage to start with.

Name's Nezarino Santoro, 42, born and bred in sunny regional Victoria, a town called Cobram. I have an amazing family, beautiful wife Rose, and our 3 pride and joys in Nadia, Elora, and Elena.

Matt Lehman, 44. I've been with my wife Erin for 22 years. We've had 3 kids together, so Jackson, the eldest, he's 13, then we've got Asher, middle boy, he's 10, and George, our youngest, at 8.

I have an unusual upbringing actually. I grew up in Papua New Guinea, lived on a plantation that my father owned. And operated. So there was a civil war uprising, shut down the mine, and everyone left. So that was an exodus here in 1989. So I landed here in Brisbane in 1989 with the clothes on our back. My father stayed there to get everyone out. There was a lot of migrant labour from other parts of PNG. And yeah, 2 Olympics, so 2002 and 2006.

I was about halfway through Year 12, and let's call it a discussion with the vice principal that it probably wasn't the best place for me and left school on the Friday and I basically started the job that I'm— same place that I'm still in now, 27, coming up 28 years later. A lot of people sort of say you've had the same job, same place for 27 years, but I'm still happy enough to get up in the morning and come to work. I've put a lot of work into it, but it's worked out for me financially in the end. Glad I took path that I chose, it's, it's been good for me.

There's a lot of sentimental value to where I'm sitting right now, maybe because it's based around an emotional attachment because it's a family-orientated business. You know, I think of the farm, I think of the fruit trees, I think of walking similar paths or down similar rows or tracks. I remember walking through that as a kid with my grandfather And now I'm a father, you know, walking those same tracks now with my children.

There's a lot of value to it.

Look, I wouldn't say work was an escape. I used to hate Mondays, but then there was a time where I'd just be like Monday morning and be like, yep, get to work. At least I could control being Finn the Own Rocker's in control a lot more at work.

Yeah, I could—

I—

work sort of went and it worked how I wanted to. Whereas at home it's a different story, you know what I mean? You sort of, you can't control that always. And the narrative in your head doesn't always pan out the way you want it to be, so. I was bringing my stressed-out work work-life-home and just too worn out to be there as a dad. And I wasn't in the mood a lot of times, and I realised it was starting to show. And just, I wasn't there for myself either. That was a big one too. I was just working myself into the ground.

I rated Tash and my relationship 9 out of 10. Dad-ing, 10 out of 10, times 2, both of them. I was completely delusional. You know, the only thing I was actually sending it on I was actually a merchant that brought money home to this house.

I built a bit of a facade, but I think everyone around me closely kind of knew that I was lying, and that's what caught me out in the end because I had to face reality sooner or later, right?

I was a present and a hands-on dad, but I can distinctly remember sitting there and I looked up from the choir performance performance, I hadn't actually watched a thing. I'd watched the bottom of the stage and I was thinking about work. I was like trying to solve a puzzle at work and I didn't watch. I wasn't there. I was there just token, like it was just like the meat sack was there. I wasn't there.

If work was full-on, I wasn't present at home. I really didn't put a lot of time into my marriage and that sort of, that was highlighted when I came home. There was days that, you know, we got along, we were surviving together, Erin and I, not really living.

Turns out everything wasn't fine. Turns out I was a tyrant. It makes me upset to think about how I've treated Tash for a long time. Um, she knew I loved her. She— we were tight and we were loving, but I had unreasonable expectations, unmeetable expectations, the same expectations I applied to myself.

So it was hard. Rose was flat out busy, two children, still working full-time. It compiled where we become more and more unattached because Rose was ready to face reality and support me to go through it. But I hid away from it knowing Rose was gonna keep me accountable or hold me accountable to, I suppose, the toxic lifestyle that I created for myself. I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to face the truth because I knew it was going to be tough. I knew it was going to be tough conversations that I didn't know if I had the guts to front up to.

There was a comment that stuck with me that she had made to me. She said, "You're in the relationship for the kids, not for us." That was a bit of a big reality check. And she was probably pretty close to being right. You know, I put a lot of effort into, say, a business and made that thrive. A lot of energy, a lot of time. Whereas then come back to a marriage, I wouldn't say I'd given up, but you know, it was hard certain times and I felt guilty, I guess.

I was afraid of letting her down. I was afraid of letting myself down. I was ashamed of not living up to the expectations I had of myself as a father. To my daughters. So yeah, yeah, no, I was scared.

And so I was just a merchant bringing home money. I wasn't a leader in this family. I wasn't, wasn't at the helm. I just literally bring coal to the ship so it could run. And it makes me sad that how long I did that for.

It was, it was probably the last straw, and I thought it probably was me that needed to change. I had a good look in the mirror and to sit there and think you're broken and I need some help because it's— I need some help. Someone, someone needs to fix me because I can't.

Another day, another dollar, guys. This is like one of my favorite spots in the morning. You get like the sunrise up on top of this hill, and you just like, you stand up here and you're like, you can just see everything starting to come to life. It's just work come first, then you're allowed to kind of have that hour's time with family. The harder it gets, or the, you know, when life throws challenges at you, just just dig the heels in, go again. It's a double-edged sword, right? It has good traits and bad traits come with that mindset because it's a lot of that headspace is what put me in the position that I was in 3 years ago where the harder my headspace went or the darker it went, uh, the more I chose to dive into work because it's the only thing that I knew I was half good at. So I just, I kept chasing the, you know, the wrong dream and it made things worse rather than better. I was a closet drinker, and even when I didn't need to be here, I made excuses to be here. Being so unhealthy, lethargic, overweight, I still needed to find the energy to still work as hard as I was. So to fix my downs, I took, I took offers. In my state of mind at the time, I was conquering the world and invincible, and I was getting all this shit done. But when I look back at how much time I wasted, I'll never ever ever get that time back. I was looking after, I was looking after the girls, and it was meeting Rose to go to a function. Someone found a bag of substances in it and they notified Rose, told Rose, which she knew. The arguments, the lies, the deceitfulness, she was just fed up with and she sat on it. I knew something was up because I'd just seen she was defeated. Until, yeah, she rang me and said, 'When you finish work, your bag's packed, I want you out. I just can't do this anymore.' When I felt like I'd ruined everything around me, I thought there was only one way out, and I was going to take that easy route. I went to the Ngambi Weir and I just sat out there for the night again, eating myself up in my own head, and jumped the barbed wire fence. So I just, I just couldn't, I just couldn't do it to my girls. I couldn't do it to them. So I jumped the fence again, and from that day onwards I said, regardless of the outcomes of my relationships that I've broken, whatever happens in the future, I refuse to feel like this ever again. So I looked up Men's Health. And clicked on the very first thing that was at the very top. It was High Performance Father.

HPF Coach at its core is a leadership organization. It's taking men from where they are in their life, whatever they're working in, and creating greater versions of themselves. Men often come to us with acute problems. Their marriage is falling apart, their health's falling apart, they've gone all in on business or all in one area of life, and what they find out throughout that journey is it's, it's really a question of their identity, who they believe themselves to be, and their actions through that. And what we do is we break them down to their core of what is true to them and help build them back up regardless of where they start, becoming version 2.0, 3.0, and, and really becoming the best version of themselves. The reality is HPF Coach is for every father and it is for every man. And I firmly believe that you're either ready or you're not ready. This is never not a fit for anyone, but you must be ready to take the plunge.

Every single one of you here stands at a threshold between who you were and who you must become. Every single one of you have won battles and lost fights that none of us will ever see. But from this moment, we climb together. You may have come here with expectations or no idea. Most of you probably came here thinking that this was about climbing a mountain. It's not. You'll leave here knowing that it wasn't about conquering that mountain out there. It was about ascending the one within. When was the last time you stopped long enough to ask yourself, what am I really building? What will my life mean when it's done? The mountain isn't something you climb, it's something that you fucking become throughout your life. You cannot fulfill your destiny the way that you are. That's why we are here. To become more.

We start climbing today.

We are at Kosciuszko, so we're at Tinkersfield at the moment, really working with these men over the next 2 days to really go deep, to immerse themselves in a process where they're going to be challenged physically, mentally, spiritually, and really find their own purpose, find the next level they need to go to. They might be stuck, they might have something that's, that's going on outside of this process that they really need to work on. This will give them the time and space and the direction to get the clarity they need to really grow in life moving forward.

Yeah, I was pumped. Like, yeah, I think we spoke earlier, but I was that excited to get here. I was a day early. I was about to get ready to leave Monday morning and went, no. So I've been hanging to get here. But yeah, just to connect with everybody, and the place is awesome, isn't it? Wow, it's phenomenal. And everything's just set up perfectly.

It's a really, really good energy. Definitely. Really, really good energy. For me, the anticipation and the excitement, tried to retain it as much as possible because I didn't want to put too much on it and burn out too quick. Yeah, so I tried to hold it as much as possible, but you're right, once you're in this environment, it's absolutely, absolutely electric.

You know, I was always pretty hesitant when I started, whether I was doing the roundabout thing.

Yeah, there's a bit of a story to our relationship. I got him to join, so yes, our connection goes a bit deeper than just a member. He put trust and faith in me in our very first conversation to go all in on himself, which is pretty phenomenal.

It was funny, I didn't really know what to expect. He sort of said to me, he said, "Matty, hit me up, what's going on?" Just sort of basically gave him the basic rundown, and he told me his story too. That was a big wow, okay, I can open up with Naz. He's very easy to talk to. So basically we're on the same page. As guys, we don't open up and we don't tell anyone, you know, I'm not gonna tell you my problems, which this isn't the case. So he basically encouraged me to realize that I needed to take the next step. It was a big thing that I needed and he showed me, showed me that it could be done and encouraged it and yeah, and it went from there.

The Brotherhood of HPF Coach are men that have connected often online but very few times in person. The guys know that they're all on the same journey. They might be in different parts of that journey, but they're in the same direction. They're supporting each other and they have each other's back.

From the start it was, oh, Shit, you actually— we sit here and talk about good things, bad things, work issues. It's an open book. There's so many guys that you can bounce things back and forth off, and it's funny because we legit, we're all sort of there to help each other.

It's actually amazing how quickly bonds are formed and the existing bonds are deepened. That connection is so important. The guys that know each other from online, so they always have a connection, But then in person, being able to go so deep, so fast, just builds that bond.

It allowed me to be more confident and vulnerable and lean more on the tribe, the brotherhood, to turn around and say, hey, I'm not doing well, I'm not okay, I feel like just giving in. And all there was was just messages, phone calls, HPF Coach calling me, let's get on a video call. Nas, do you want to go back to where you were? Remember that. Remember that feeling. You owe it to yourself to stay out of there.

There's a commonality. We're all fathers, and that's the cornerstone of what HPF actually is, is that fatherhood. Because if you're not a father, you can't quite understand where these guys are coming from. But they've all been through the fire. These guys have all faced adversity, and the more they do that together and deepen that connection, we really build those bonds.

That initial part of having people in my corner, It was a quote from Steve Biddle in his book called The New Manhood. And a quote in there is like, spend time with your father before he dies because he's the only man you'll ever meet that wants you to be better than he is. And so what's it like to have a whole bunch of men that aren't competing with you that want you to be good?

It's a feeling that I can't explain. It invigorates you from the core.

Because some of these guys have spent years, decades feeling misunderstood, not having people in their corner. So to see them go so quickly from having no one to having 100 men in person plus 400 others online is amazing because you see the revelation that they're not alone, that they actually have people around them, support that they need. It's pretty amazing.

We're all the same. We're all the same and we've all got the same issues, and, and that's where it was. I just went, yep, okay, these guys were all very similar. That, that was probably, as I said, the wake-up call. I thought, yep, I want to get this done. I want to see where this can take me.

It just hits different. You're like, he gets me, he understands me, he knows what that pain feels like.

Within this, within this tribe, um, 100% everyone's on their own trajectory and everyone's supporting each other. It's huge when you're up against it. Um, yeah, the tribe is here.

We're gonna do 3 different things. We're going to start with a nice little warm-up, so we're off the grass and it's all kind of just really just getting the body to move. But trust me, today isn't about trying to be a hero, because if anyone wants to be a hero, come with me for 15 minutes after the session and I'll fuck you up real quickly. Yeah, so right at the minute, what we're about to do is just walk through just some really easy dynamic warm-ups. This will bring your heart rate variability up where you want it to be high. You don't want a low number. 5, in, last cycle.

2, 3, right here, guys.

I'll finish there.

Thank you, Ken. Great session.

Mobility was good.

Awesome.

Thank you, mate. Welcome, boys. How are we feeling?

Good.

What a gift to be here with you all. Boys, this is going to be a very powerful experience. If it's one thing, it's be present, supremely present for something that goes so fast. It's such a gift. So really relish it, really relish this opportunity. We only get one shot at this, this year, and that's it forever.

What I want for all of these guys is to really find that one thing that they're holding on to, to let go of, and let go of it. Those deep-seated fears, insecurities, really bring them to light because they're not going to shed that all in one weekend. And we know that's true. But if they can bring it to light and bring it to the forefront, then they can spend the next amount of time working on that and really focusing on what they need to do to become the next version of themselves.

Before we take the step, boys, we've got some baggage to shed, a burden or a few that is not yours to carry. But no more. This is your time. This is your line in the sand.

I don't know why as humans we pick something negative up and we play the blame game with ourselves and I created that, that's my fault. And I always knew I'm my own worst enemy. I used to blame everything on myself. We can absorb someone else's negativity, we let it affect us personally. Just stuff we have no control of.

What have you been carrying too long? Regret, guilt, resentment, a lie you've told yourself that isn't true. What I'd like you to do is you'll find there's a piece of paper in front of you. No names, just write your truth, what you will no longer carry with you, on that piece of paper. We do something very special with these to make sure that they're fucking gone forever.

It's the beliefs they hold that are so ingrained in us as men and fathers that we hold on to so tightly that are the things holding us back. So what we really want to do is we want to work with these guys to go as deep as they need to go to find out what that is and come up with a plan to actually shed that, let that go, and we're ready to go to the next level.

I thought if if I could bullshit my way and make everybody else around me think that I'm a great guy, soon enough I'll think that I'm a great guy. That's just lying to myself, man. So that's definitely something that had to die in me, was that overreaching, overreaching for other people's affirmation.

Men, we start with the vision before we can have the path, before we can become the man. We must be able to see the vision. Start with the end in mind. The life that outlives me. Before we can climb it, we need to see it. So the first thing we're going to be doing is carving the vision. On your deathbed, what will my family remember me for? What did I build that will outlive me? What impact will echo through my bloodline? You're at the end of your time. What does that look like for you? What will you leave that will outlast you?

What it comes down it comes down to is fear of not allowing themselves to be the greatest version of themselves, knowing that, you know, we've got guys in middle age that their kids are growing up and they don't want to be the man that left anything on the table. You know, they want to look back on their life and be so grateful and proud of who they've been in that journey. For all these guys, they have that drive and ambition to actually become the version of themselves and the man that they should have been.

When the girls go to school every day, I say, look after your friends, And she echoes back to me, the friends are the people that look after you. So there's a point to this as well. Like, your network needs to feed back like HPF Coach does. It's energy in, energy out, and we all just grow together. I ask the girls when they come home from school every day, did you fill someone's cup? And then I ask them, someone fill your cup? Every single day. And it gives them feedback. They know they're going to be asked the question, and usually there's one or the other. And so I I put it in my own debriefs at the end of the day. Did I fill someone's cup? Did someone fill mine?

That's why we're here, to take any man from where he is and show him what's possible. And, you know, for so many of these guys that come to us, it's for a certain reason. They don't realise what they're capable of. They actually don't realise how great they can possibly be. And that's what we do. We try to uncover that possibility and then give them the tools, the guidance, and the direction to actually help them achieve that.

This is a brotherhood. That is what we are. It's not a retreat, it's not a holiday. It's an initiation as brothers to go deeper so we've got more clarity in our vision, more purpose which drives us despite the adversities that we face, and more in who we are so we can go out and get that prize that is life. The life that outlives you starts today.

Everything Alex says makes you switch. He's very profound in what he talks about. You come here and you think you've got something to work on or something that you want to focus on, and then really, as you start peeling back the layers, you go a lot deeper into yourself.

I've come to terms with a couple of things that are holding me back already and thought to myself, you know what, Being a fantastic dad, it's just over the hill, and that gets really exciting because then I think to myself, I, I've only— I'm only a short step away.

And you think, well, I wasn't going so good at that as what I thought I was, and I need to have a look at this. So it's just a learning experience, the whole thing.

It gives me the tools to investigate myself and say, what's holding me back? Okay, these things, these, this, this, this, right? Cut that stuff away, on to being a fantastic dad. There's, there's There's levels, right? And I'm just looking forward to the next one.

We are about to embark on a journey with these guys, really work on who they are at their core, and throughout that journey really come away with a sense of clarity on their purpose and who they need to be outside of this.

So going in with, uh, with any hard questions that I need to answer or any easy things that I need to, to build on.

It's just another checkpoint in the evolution of me, but it has so much meaning to climb that mountain, to hear the boys talk about it and what it can do for me.

It's great to be excited as a 44-year-old guy with his own business and family. Look, you know, there is things that can excite us, but man, I haven't been excited and looking forward to do something for years because it's for me.

COSSI is time where instead of being outside at 70 meters under and in the full rubber suit and, and, you know, taking, taking it on, doing what we need to do as divers, it's the diving bell that you swim up into. You take your clobber off and you can sit there. The pressure's still on, like you haven't left the ocean, but it's a respite.

When men come to this event, They often come with anxiety, fear, uncertainty, because they know they're about to embark on something that can be truly life-changing. And that comes with the fear of the unknown, but also the fear of who they might need to become, who they need to be, and are they ready for that change? So they often aren't quite ready for it, but they come anyway, which is amazing.

Yeah, energy's good. Hey, everyone's got a conversation where they're looking for something and looking for something to build on, but then have more to give back than they've taken, you know. Yeah, everything's a reciprocity here, which is incredible, without expectation of it too.

The positivity within the conversation, it might be engaged about something that is heavy on the heart or heavy on the mind, but the conversation and the energy is always high. I feel in that.

At the start, I wasn't, hell, I wasn't ready for just to be that open and walk up to anyone and say, you can just go bam, anything that's on your mind.

Yeah, totally.

Yeah, so you can just hit anyone with anything or people come up to you and you're like, okay, yep.

They put that trust, they put that trust in you.

And it is, it's a massive trust thing to just, to just to open up. I mean, from a guy you've never met.

But I think the one thing, uh, that for me is super calming and builds so much trust with you guys was just your presence was enough. Yeah, and it's even the same as yourself, Mark, like just sitting here in the mornings, like we're both writing, journaling, and I would just be like, hey Mark, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, yeah, that's actually quite an interesting question. Not a bad topic either. And then the analogies come out and I'm like writing these all down. I was like, this is all gold.

It's a no bullshit system.

That's it. Just his presence was enough. And then to engage, You build that trust too in that presence.

Yeah.

We won't spend too long, it's cold out there, so you've got jackets to put them on, but be nice and warm around the fire. 2 out the back, 14 to a pit.

It's time, mate.

30 hour max and then we'll wrap up tonight.

All right boys, let's head on there, fellas.

Tonight, um, you've probably guessed what we're gonna do by this giant bonfire. You obviously We had a pretty powerful session yesterday around releasing, releasing some things that have been holding us back.

The fireside chat's an amazing experience for these guys that they're gonna go through. So they're gonna spend time really going deep on the burdens they're carrying into this experience, understanding what are they holding onto that doesn't serve them, and then we're gonna release that.

There's something very symbolic, spiritual about this. 'Cause this is a part of history that was written not that long ago with a pen that was guided by a man who put down a desire of something he no longer wants in his life.

And the power from tonight is that we'll have no idea whose words we're reading.

This could be the men over there, the men over there. There's no names.

That's the power of the brotherhood. That's the power of us all connected, that we can release a guy that might be in that circle from his things that he needs to let go of.

Never good enough, never present enough, and there is always an excuse.

I'm still not where I should be. I am responsible for everything around me.

I'm not good enough. I have to be good at everything. I don't deserve the great things that happen to me.

So this man says, I will leave and rid the guilt and shame of my former self that chose a toxic lifestyle. It no longer defines who I am and who I will become.

Ed. Ed.

Thank you, man.

My fucking pleasure. Love you, brother.

Love you too much.

Us blokes were pretty hard on ourselves at times. I've got to get back to work, I've got to provide, I've got to do what's next. No time to rest, no time to cry, no time to be emotional. But then 10 years later, we think, fuck, never really addressed that. And that's the power of this stuff.

That's obviously the power of what we do.

Make sure that you remain your true authentic self and be open to the process and just take it all in. If we all do that, we're going to conquer anything that comes in our pathways.

Beyond a wholesome sense of discipline, be gentle with yourself. So if you said something in your head that you would not tolerate someone saying out loud to your child, probably shouldn't say it yourself either.

Heading off for the white water rafting day, which is gonna be awesome. So about 30-odd lads in there now, myself, a couple other coaches going with them.

About an hour and a half in the bus and then yeah, gonna be an epic day. All day there and then back late this afternoon. We're led to believe rocks have warmed the water up, which I reckon is bullshit. But everyone's ready to go and we're pumped. Should be interesting. Yeah, last night was good.

I think we're all pretty worn out, but yeah, we had the campfire chat, which was really good.

Had a few moments there, and then yeah, we're off early to bed. And actually, um, you have to ask Naz. Apparently took the pig. Naz had a pig in his room. Ask him about it. I don't know, but ask— there's something you need to ask him what happened with that.

I did get bit of a rude awakening, uh, to come in the other night after the burn ceremony. Rude. Surprised. So I would have turned around and seen it, but the fact that everything hits black and I walk in with the phone torch and Lee come in with me and he's like, I really want to check your room out. And I was like, okay, all the lights will be off, but okay. So I'll walk in and I was like This is our lounge room. And I spin it around, I was like, that's what— I don't know what that is. You're like, well, it's like, got to go.

We took off like little giggling school kids, even James Diamond. Yeah, we got caught.

Yeah, yeah.

So I'm there trying to nap, and then yeah, kachunk, open the door, opens, and then yeah, there's two, two gentlemen there with a pig.

And then I poke out, I'm like, hi guys, what's going on?

And you're like, oh, busted.

I'm still dirty. You went at the I said, 'You busted us,' I said, 'cause that pig was going to get wrapped up in Naz's bedding.

Good to have a little bit of banter. We've hit a bit of a roadblock, man. They're a bit too steep because the water's shallow. And, uh, yeah, we're just waiting for these, these crazy men that are leading us to, um, to get these boats down safely so then we can keep heading down the rapids.

Yeah.

Just getting messages here on the WhatsApp for the last half an hour, full of the updates, some exciting updates to make it count, because you maybe think you had one more day left, but you don't. Anyone check the weather? Yeah, for Sunday didn't look so great, so we will actually do the climb tomorrow.

Here we go.

Yes.

It's awesome, it's awesome, very exciting. And you can leave all of your shit on top of the mountain. That's what I done last year. I really make it a symbolic climb. And then funny thing in life is once you reach this peak, then you see the next peak and the next, right?

Never fucking stops.

Never give up, never give up on the potential of who you can become. What you can achieve in life.

So many emotions, man. I'm afraid also, but a good afraid because there's things that I want to leave here and I'll leave here for good. And the uncertainty of what's on the other side of that. Yeah, it scares me. And I think that I'm ready for it. I think I'm ready for that evolution. Something Rose said to me at the very, very, very start, and I still remember like it was yesterday. She said, "No, no, no, don't do this for me or we.

You do it for you." You know, there were so many days where I just thought, I'm just miserable, I'm lost, life was shit. And I think that went on for a while, and I think as guys, we just keep doing it. And we just go through life and just continue it because that's what we do. We just keep going. Just shut up, move on, work, work, do what you got to do.

So Tash and I were fine, like we were good, but I was going to figure out how. And the methods and means within HPF Coach are part of that. But I initially felt— I was going to say a fraud, then not like a fraud, but actually I felt like a fraud. I felt like I didn't deserve the try because my marriage wasn't in Tadiffs. So I actually wouldn't tell people my family situation, and that was an error. So being authentic but also providing an example of what it can look like when you get it right, that's important.

I could have continued on that path. It wouldn't have been a great one. I would have got through it, survived. The marriage may not have, but that would have been a, a pretty bad reflection for the kids to see.

It made a lot of sense then. It makes even more sense 'Cause there is no we or us if I'm not me, truly me.

The lessons are universal for all these men. Regardless of where you start, the clarity of who you need to become is different for everyone. It's you knowing deep down, what is my greatest version and how do I get there?

Go!

This is the start. I mean, you've seen the mountain, you've released the weight that no longer serves you, you've written the life that outlives you, you've connected with your brothers Every step, every struggle, every summit, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, we climb as one and we climb together. The life that outlives every single one of us, man, that starts today.

Choices, chances, changes. You must make a choice to take a chance Or your life would never change. Every single step, every breaking point and pain threshold that I'm going to have to overcome is a celebration of what I've earned over the last 3 years.

What truth have I avoided because it scares me to face it? Where do I still need to rebuild? Not with words, but with proof.

I wanted to be a dad that the kids enjoyed and wanted to spend time with, and I wanted to be a husband that Erin wanted to spend time with and sit with and talk with and do all the stuff that we do, not because you have to.

This here, this is your entire life. Some things are written in history and can't be erased. Some things are yet to come, and almost certainly nothing's guaranteed on how how much we have left.

It's about having that time, and I haven't spent all of my strategic muscle at work. It's not like I used to be just very— running two businesses, three at one point.

You dickheads.

There's one's enough. Enough of this. Yeah, I can do that later when they don't need me anymore.

It made me realize working on oneself, chasing better outcomes for you, showing up and being a better husband A better father, a better person. Rose believing in me. She blessed me with another daughter, man.

I'm creating a version of me that the kids want, need, love, like. The more work I put in, the better it's going to benefit everybody else.

I am responsible for using the gifts and the luck I've had to make this rock a better place. It's not negotiable, that has to be done. And so it's not about me per se, it's about me doing the best I can do to make everything better. And so I owe it to myself and others to try and achieve that.

Now I'm starting to enjoy life again rather than just smash through it day by day. It's good to stop now and enjoy everything. Even Erin and I are enjoying each other's company again.

It made me realize that her love for me outweighed her disappointment in me. The ripple effect of change from deep in the pit to 12 months ago through Elena is going to live on generations to come far after I'm gone.

It's why now matters. It's why the present matters. It's the only time when life is actually alive. The only time. It's why what you do with work, with your kids, wife, with your body, your mind, it fucking matters. It's what you do in family, self, and service that matters.

I came here only saying, "I am a high-performance father." I leave here feeling and knowing I am a high-performance father.

We became a father, the kind who shows up every day no matter what. We built a body that can carry our children and a spirit that can lead them. We faced storms that could have broken us, We didn't bow.

We rose.

We climbed mountains outside and in.

That's why we're here. That old version of me no longer serves me.

You're so fucking powerful.

You have no idea.

You're so powerful.

The mountain isn't separate from you. The mountain is a part of who you are. Every cut Every storm, every scar, all of it has shaped your summit. You weren't tested to break, you were tested to reveal. This climb is not a battle against the world, it's a return to the man you were built to be.

Today was incredible. I was very emotional going up and down the hill. A lot of cutting away the old, dropping it off. You know, I discovered that I actually don't mind my own company. I don't have to be amongst everybody.

Body.

A lot of that was, was kind of tied up with shame and guilt, lots of stuff throughout my past life. And I was able to leave that at the top of the mountain, as many of you did. Many of you were able to leave behind these things that hold us back from becoming the man that we're going to become. The only way that we become that man is to see the outcome and then cut away the old so that we can become that man.

I said to Alex at the top of the mountain up there, I reckon my brother would be alive if he had found something like this. If he had realized he could be up back with his wife looking after his kid. So I take my hats off to all of you guys, you know, for just going Man, I'm going to do something about it. But I just lost my brother because he just didn't— he wanted to, didn't know how. I had a fundraiser for him and raised money, and I said at the end of it, I said, he went in such a way, he just felt like no one loved him.

But I just—

everyone loved him. So you just got to know that you guys are loved.

Just forgive yourselves. You actually can. You actually let go of all that shit. It sounds easy, but you really can. And then that's the very thing that allows you to move forward.

What I really struggled with is, is doing these things for myself really felt selfish. It felt like I'm taking away from the family. And the real groundbreaking thing for me was to finally realize and actually genuinely believe that it's selfish not to do this stuff, because it's not to help ourselves, it's to be that better man for our our kids, our wife, our partner.

12 months ago, we were here at HPF Coach, and it was a starting point for me for like a really big transformation. I know for many of you who were here last year, the same. And this will also be, if you're the first time, your—

can be your turning point.

Last year, I went up as quick as I could. That was a challenge to myself. My challenge today was actually to take, take on others. And to share the burden. Those who can should help others. And so everyone that would volunteer up a plate, I took, and that was great. What did I leave out there? Fear. What's my challenge at the start of the week? The mindset piece was about fear. I've been living a life of service based on sustainability to date, and then in January, I got a bit greedy and I started chasing contracts for money. And it's come back on me. It's not, I don't feel that fulfillment. So I walk out of this weekend, I'll go back to serving out of service and skill, something that means something to me.

Where have your standards slipped in the smallest ways that are affecting the people that you love most?

I wanna let everyone know how quick something like he did How quick you can have an effect. Between getting off a lift, going to my room, coming to eat lunch, I've already had a conversation with my daughter. And change something for her by walking today. I couldn't hold it in, and the feeling of that was so special. I've been, I've been the best in the world at a few things, and that was out of my comfort zone today. That's not what I do, that's not what I've been doing. I'm so specialized in one way, but to put a best on, and thank you very much for taking that today. I got to about the 3K mark and the legs just went numb. So thanks so much. You're a star to a lot of guys today, and just seeing how strong you were and pushing and being so light with the way you were talking with everyone, I really took that in. So thanks, thanks very much. I mean, triple figures in life now of things of just leaning back on HPF and what I've learned. To be a better man for my family and my life. So thanks very much, Al. Really appreciate it.

Less talk, more action, right? Which we've all heard before. Move first, act first, prove with your actions, take ownership, and move forward. Less talk, more action. Because as we all know, talk is very cheap.

To walk up there today, which I've been wanting to do since I started with HPF Coach Coach, what I left up there today was when it come to me that, holy shit, this is how you're supposed to live, is then I got regret on, fuck, I've wasted a lot of my life and my family's.

Can't live like that.

I'm here now, we all are. We're here in the present, and then if we're here now in the present, then we're all looking at the future.

Got huge regrets in life, especially before HPF Coach. One of my favourite sayings from Al is, "Minutes spent in the past is a minute lost in the future." So we can't change that shit in the past, we can only change who we are now. And I've been doing that, inspired by every one of you guys. And, um, yes, you've been pushing me and changed my life. I've kind of never really let this stuff out in like 10, 15 years, it's been bottling up in me. And hearing the same kind of story from another man the other night, as well. It's, um, yeah, it's just a relief. And yeah, last year was a big year for me. Mrs. moved back in after 9 months, so I realized that I'm fucking 3.0 today.

My journey started, I think, with Ness, video call, and to hear the journey he went through, it just, it just hit home. I'll be honest, I've had two shells in my shotgun sitting in my shed, ready to pull the trigger. And to then be out of home, be living in my bedroom from when I was a teenager again, and two weeks ago, finally back home with my wife and kids. Yeah, you guys are why I'm here.

Nah, I love you all.

You only have one shot in life, but so do your wife and kids. Make it count.

I went up that mountain thinking I still didn't know what I was going to leave behind. Had chats with heaps of guys, had a great partner going up there, and that was amazing. And it wasn't probably until I was almost down I I figured out I'm leaving the old me behind. I had ideas, but you know, we're all here to move forward and stop being hard on ourselves. And we talk about dwelling on the past. I'm done with that. And if we stick to it and we're all together, fuck, we can go anywhere.

You can go off and go, you know, do part of the walk by yourself, but we'll always come back to each other. We'll always come back and be part of that tribe. And that's the biggest part of this, is having that tribe that you can lean on when you're in the shit and it's really, really hard work. You know, you can always fall back into that. And that's the— like, honestly, that is the best time when you are really fucking struggling with something and you're having a shit week or a shit month or whatever. That's the time when you need to dive into this even harder, right? And just lean on that tribe for that support.

People talk about work-life balance. I believe that's bullshit. I truly do, because what, what it says is that you must have less of something for more of another. But I truly believe when you get clear on who you are, what matters most, and the standards you live by, you don't need to choose between family, self, and service. You get it all.

Every step was hard.

It was a very, very emotional, emotional walk for me. I left one of my brain cancer bands up on there because I'm just trying to let go of, I guess, that diagnosis in life. It's, yeah, they could sound terminal, but who knows. So yeah, just keep fucking pushing. It was one foot in front of the other, like I dragged my left they go up that final stretch over the snow, and all I could hear was voices. And then, you know, fuck, it was, it was beautiful being at the top of the mountain with everyone here. I needed this to, to let go, um, and a lot of it was just me and my, my feelings towards the hatred that I had for, for hospitals, for cancer, for everything. But I got cancer in my my world has opened up to joy and beauty and life. So I can't, I can't keep hating. So yeah, my diagnosis doesn't define me, obviously. So yeah, I just want to thank you all for letting me be here. And you know, apparently I'm an inspiration, but you guys have really fucking pushed me up that hill, eh? So I thank you all. Definitely, Leah. It's to you and the coach.

I've never seen a stronger man. I've never seen it. Just with what he's faced, but for him to bring other people along, the way he has turned up for himself and the tribe constantly has just been nothing short of inspirational. And for him to be here Personally and on behalf of the tribe, it is a special— it was a really special moment to see him at the top of that mountain knowing that that was the goal. And there's been many times throughout the last 6 to 12 months where it didn't look likely, but he kept doing the work, he kept a positive attitude, and we got him up there, which was, yeah, very, very special.

Yes, we have to focus on self to ascend, to be better, and that effect has an immediate effect on our family.

It comes out past us.

It's more than just us and the effect that we have on ourselves. The one that hit home to me was a Greek friend of mine, and she said it 15 years ago, and there was no peace in her house. Yeah, there was a war in her house. Domestic violence. She sent us a really lovely note, and I didn't understand at the time, and now I do. This is the ripple effect to me. There's peace in the home, there's peace in the street. There's peace in the street, there's peace in the suburb. There's peace in the suburb, there's peace in the nation. And it's real. So yeah, we look after our little, our little home like we do our absolute very best. My girls can and move on with agency to their lives. But it's much more than that. That's my family and that's me and that's my acute accountability. But there's broader leadership accountabilities here too. I can lift men, I can increase their line because it's been done for me, not because I'm special, because I now know the tools. Doing it as a squad leader, you know, you're doing it with the men around you. So the ripple effect for me is that.

For me, working with HPF as well as what I get out of being a member, I see this as an honor to really spread and share my story, take pride in it, make peace with it. It's been quite beneficial in that regard too. And that's been really special for me to be able to give back to a brotherhood, a mission, a program that has given so much back to me. And, you know, when it comes to family, you're right, it's 100%, isn't it?

And you bring it, and then you bring it back to your workplace, you know, and it keeps going. And I've— and I had a big one this year with the guy, and at one point had him in tears, and he was lost. Back in the day, I could have said, oh, you know, he gave notice. I could have just said, all right then, accepted it, off you go. But I knew there was so much more underlying with the whole thing. I said, no, no, I said, no, actually, we just spoke. He had no one to talk to. Same thing as a guy, he didn't know, he was lost, didn't know what to do. As he said, he goes, "Oh, I just don't know what's wrong with me." I said, "There's nothing wrong with you. We just gotta work through it." And together we made a plan and together we fixed that. And he came to me after a while and just said, you know, "Thanks." And it wasn't at the time until I sort of sat there and realized and went, "Wow, look what just happened." And it was, it's a ripple effect.

Yeah, I love hearing those stories.

The ripple effect of HPF Coach is enormous. These men are doing this work first and foremost for themselves. It's such a misconception in today's world that Working for yourself is selfish. So these men are working for themselves, number one, because you must be 100 to give 100. But through that, they learn how to serve others by being the best version of themselves. Throughout this journey, they'll learn how to grow for themselves, but also they come home a better father, a better husband, which allows us to ripple out. It's not just 500 members in HPF Coach at the moment, it's the thousands of people that are impacted through the lessons these guys are learning now.

This man, family, self, and service. Super disciplined, honors his body, honors his time. He's a committed man, and he takes the time and knows that he's got to be 100 to give 100. In family, coaching when he couldn't have any more time, his daughter's basketball team, connecting, educating with his two little girls, and re-establishing a beautiful relationship with his wife. After a long time of it not being so good, in service on a pretty big mission that has a lot of impact. This supersedes just a transaction of a business providing a service for money. And my unique name for him is the Collector, 'cause he took 7 plates up the top of the mountain. This guy's an inspiration, man, and you're all an inspiration, but I think we all owe it to celebrate and honor our winner this year, which is Mark So Al Jal was just on the way in with the 5 questions.

I mean, pick 2, and it wasn't to answer before we got here, and if we If you don't find an answer here, keep trying. First one's a bit Jungian. What part of me have I been pretending not to see? The shadow I keep hidden because I'm afraid of what it will demand me to change. And the equal and opposite here: what truth am I still afraid to face because deep down I know that once I admit it, everything must change? I came into HPF— fundamentally, I feel like I've been running at 80% and holding myself back, a glass ceiling of sorts. I knew it was based around loyalty. I knew I knew there was something in me that I would pay it forward or something. I would invest in someone else or with an expectation of reciprocity. And so loyalty's become a bit of a swear word when it— where it could have been— where it could and should be used in a positive connotation. So it's a matter of giving, especially to family and those closest to you, freely without expectation of reciprocity. So from this as well, I realised that I have got a big heart. And that first plate to take off someone's fine, but if they came back next year and they haven't done the prep, come on. And if they come back 5 times and haven't done the prep, this is on you. And that's what I'm not doing. It's not that I won't take the call if someone's suffering, but I won't take their burden as my cross to bear.

Just puts so much stuff in perspective. I didn't realize what I had. I took for granted, and I don't think anyone realizes what we take for granted. Time, time and what we have, it's, man, it's really special. You've seen my beautiful kids and wife. I was like, man, why waste time? Why waste time when I've got that, that I can share and make awesome memories? And you know, I'm going to make the most of that because it's, it's very precious and we have such little time. So many people will never realize what they've got and they'll never cherish it and they'll never make the most of it. So I thought it was for a lot of other things, but yeah, it's for me. Become the best version of me, that is the best gift that I can give to anyone.

This man here is a true gentleman in every sense of the word. He's so powerful and he's working on himself so hard. Everything you get, you deserve, my friend, because you work on it. I'll be back, brother.

Ideas Factory, right?

Sometimes I wish I could turn it off. No, please don't.

Please don't. Never, never, ever, ever.

Stay true to that.

There's a lot of weight to not take for granted any moment in time that I have with the people that I carried up there with me, right? Saying that you're there and being there fully present, wholeheartedly, with all your energy is something I will never, ever, ever take for granted ever again. I really owe that to them and myself. No more regret. That imposter syndrome, you know, I left that at the foot of the mountain. The ripple effect it has had on me in my life moving forward is the actions I take now need to be non-negotiable, raw, authentic, and honest. So then I can make sure that long after I'm gone, that that ripple still continues through, through my daughters, through my grandchildren, through my great-grandchildren. I don't care if my name is never spoken of, but I need to make sure that my actions are clear to be felt.