Episode 269. The Old Bull at 70: Wisdom, Wounds & Winning at Life

Happy birthday, dad. This is the old bull. It's the 70th, the big seven. Zero today.

How are you? I said don't mention the age.

Oh, yes, yes, we can reverse the numbers. You're seven today. Zero and seven if you like.

Well, mentally, yeah, I'm seven, but physically I'm 70. But anyway, that's life.

How you feeling? What's it like? Go quick.

Life's funny. You don't laugh, you cry. Because I still remember when I was a three year old running around in Italy throwing snowballs at my cousins and just like that, a blink and a whatever. And here I am, 70, talking to my son on a device that was never even thought of back then. So, yeah, life moves along. Oh, that's good. We don't move on, then the kids don't get a chance. If they don't get a chance, then what happens to us? Yes. So, no, it's sobering in a lot of ways, but it's very, very rewarding when I wouldn't rush to get old. But it's not the drama that everyone thinks it is.

Yes.

Do you?

Yeah, because that's pretty crazy, isn't it? I mean, I've. I've got the photo of a picture of you coming over on the boat. I believe it was 1959 from memory.

Yeah, I was three years old then.

Yeah, three. So it must have been in May, I think it was earlier in the year.

Let me tell you that I had no discos on that boat. Anyway, sorry, go on.

Do you still feel young? It's, it's funny, I turned 40 in a couple of weeks, so you obviously were 30 when I was born. But it's, it's a bit weird because for me, Pa, I feel like, like chronologically I'm like, I feel like I'm in my late 20s, still starting to hit my straps. Yet here we are halfway mark. Assuming that I make it to 80. But yeah. Does it. Do you still feel young in, in some aspects or that the time doesn't match? Like that the number doesn't match.

The number doesn't match how you feel. Stop. That's all there is to it. I mean, I turned 70 today, but I still feel like I'm about a 30, 35 year old. Nothing's. I mean, I don't get up in the morning, think, gee, I'm old, gee I'm this. I get up and say, right, what do I do next? Let's go, move. So when your mind is active, time doesn't matter. It's Irrelevant. When your mind stops being active, then you better start putting the pine box together, because you'll need it. Yes, but no, it's just totally okay. Yesterday's no different today. Till. Won't be any different till tomorrow other than the things I do. And that's how I feel. It's. There's no, you know, I don't walk around with a walking stick or anything. So it's good.

Yeah, that's something that I think is really important that the physical health as well obviously is. As an organism, your physical health can affect your mental health. And being as, as strong and healthy as you can would definitely play a part. But, But I totally agree with the, with, with keeping the mind busy and keeping it going. And what's. I was saying this to one of our guys the other day. Like, life will keep going with or without you, you know, so make, make your choice.

Well, there's billions of people in the ground who will attest to that. No matter what you think about yourself or anything else or how much you got or how much you haven't got, you'll end up as worm food just like everyone else. So that's life. That's what it is. But that's only that way. If that's who we think we are, we think we're just an organism, well, yeah, we got problems. Get in there and have a go. If you're not organisms and you look to a higher level, then this is irrelevant. It's just a journey. And all you do is you flick from one to the other. So that particular part of it doesn't worry me one bit.

What did you find? Part, you know, I'd love to get obviously some. Some insights and, and wisdom. What did you find was the hardest part of life? Because I've openly spoken before about how it was very hard for me to see what I thought was a tough period you went through for about maybe eight to 14 years, which I'd say would have started in your late 40s, which seems to be a common thing across the men we serve into your early six. And then, you know, bang the fires back, building big things, big projects. It's unreal. And, And I've mentioned that not, not all the time, but on a few different podcasts where it's like, you know, I see you as, as my hero. And that was. That was really tough to see because I'm like, he's. Here's my old man.

Do you want me to put my Superman shirt on?

Well, you keep parading around it every time I come and visit you. This, this, you should see. Dad's got this big onesie and he doesn't need inflated muscles because he's already got him. No, but I get that. But I'm just, just saying, like it's, it's.

Yeah.

When you're young, you see things. I got a picture of Roman here, he's two years old. I can't imagine how he sees me right now as this guy who can lift up cars. Not that I can, but that was tough for me, even though I was in my twenties, seeing you go through that. But is that a common thing you find, like, what was that? The toughest period for you in your life? Walk me through that a little bit. And I guess how you bounce back too.

Well, the worst part about life is the people. You share it. That's also the best part, if they're the right people. And unfortunately for me, I was brought up in a very strict Catholic Italian family and they had rules and regulations that have been handed down over centuries and all that sort of rubbish. And it basically destroys the soul because all you are is just a unit. Just like being in an ant colony. You, you're just one of. And in some ways, yeah, that's okay if you're constantly being attacked. Yeah, the nest mentality is not bad. But if you're a human being and you want to experience your own things in life and you want to grow yourself, then you find that this is so much a negative, it's not funny. I mean, I never thought I was normal until I got out of my family environment and I got married and I started having kids and slowly but surely. And then by the time I got to 40s, I'd sort of swung too much. Excuse me, Swung too much one way and started doing things that. I mean, I built my own House, a 54 square house. I'm not a builder, I'm an accountant, so. But that was fun. And then you start doing all sorts of things without realizing it. And you're always looking for yourself when you find yourself, who's normally in your late 50s, early 60s, if you're unlucky like me. But if you're lucky, you find yourself when you're in your 15s and 20s and 30s. This is what I want and this is what I want to be. But when I found myself, I thought, meh, give it your best shot, I don't care. I'm going to do what I want. See ya. And that doesn't mean that you trash everyone and everything. It Simply means you change the way that you react with people and you interact with people, whether they're family, friends or strangers. And basically it was a question of saying, well, no, this is what I think. My life, my rules. I do whatever I want. Now, if that doesn't work, well, it doesn't work. But whose head's that on? Mine. But I think you remember when you were growing up, what did I say to you about when you were about 16, 17. I said, when you're 18, you're legally an adult. Do whatever you want. I don't want to control you. I don't want you to be a carbon copy of me. I don't want any of that. I mean, the world's badly off enough for just having one of me. Imagine having four of me. That's a bit far. But I said to you that, look, you can do whatever you want as long as you understand two things. Consequences of your action and whether you're prepared to live with it or not. And basically, that's the way I've been living ever since. And then I've got a couple other sayings I put up on my wall that help me stay motivated. But it basically goes along the lines of be yourself, know yourself, and be yourself. If you can't do that, I mean, there's 8 billion people on the planet. They're all different. Even though some might look alike. They're all different unless you behave differently. What's your point? What's your purpose? I mean, I know mine, but it's taken me a long time to get here and that's the problem. And that's. Yes, I went through times when I just couldn't work life out. I mean, I still remember myself driving along saying, this is too hard. I'm going to run into a tree. I'm going to do something. I just can't handle it. And I didn't, of course. And then with the passage of time, it's the same day or the next day, my mind snapped back into gear and thought, well, no, this is how you should be doing it. Look after yourself. Don't worry about everyone else, because everyone wants a piece of you. I've got a saying on the wall here that's very, very true. And it says, to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest achievement. Be yourself. Set your own rules, your own guidelines. Be yourself. If they work with other people, great. If they don't, great. You're not supposed to be the same as everyone else. We're all supposed to be different. You know, you look at snow, all the snowflakes, billions and billions and billions of them, yet no two are exactly the same. How does that work? So it's the same with us. We're all different. We're all. And that's where I started to snap out of it. But yeah, it was very difficult. I mean, having the kids was great. Having the boys run around was great. Having my wife having everything else, to me, it was great. But the rest of it, I just couldn't grasp it. Even when I was working, I worked 15, 18 jobs, which sounds like a lot, but in my profession, three years is about the average that you stay in a position anyway. And it was always the same thing. Trying to do what other people wanted led to my destruction. And now that I work for myself, well, if I want to sit down and have a coffee and contemplate the universe, I will. If I have to work like a dog, I will. That's fine. But that's basically where it comes to. It's your life. You've got to do that. So, yes, I had some good times. Actually, my best times was when I went to boarding school between the ages of 8 and 15.

When I came home, I wasn't around. Or is that because I wasn't around or.

Mate, if you'd have been around, you would have been in awe of my achievements. I was the man. And I don't mean that like I'm gloating or whatever. I was the man. I just loved being away from my family and then they dragged me back in. I thought, oh, Christ.

Well, like you just mentioned, with the system of your upbringing, like, heaven forbid you should have some enjoyment in your life. Right, let's get in there. He's doing quite well. Let's get him back in the fold.

Well, that's exactly right. That's where. Not that it matters. It's the same principle all the way through. Other people are using you and your abilities and your presence for their own benefit. No other reason. You know, I go home after being at boarding school, I've got three sisters and guess who ends up working in the kitchen with my mother most of the time. Stupidy. And I'm thinking, did I come back for this to work as a kitchen hand, you know? Yeah, I used to enjoy eating the food, but what about the other three lazy dragons who are sitting down doing whatever? So, yeah, it just depends on how life falls and how strong you are to achieve what you really want to achieve. But before you can Achieve anything. You must realize who you are, why you are, and where you want to end up. Because the old saying goes, if you don't know where you're going, you will never get there. Never. And it's true. I went through many years of that. I wasn't sure what I'd do. And at one stage I said to myself, well, if this is my life, I'll just cop it sweet and move on. I don't mind. That's it. I'm finished. See you later. You know, that lasted for six months, and then I turned around and said, no, I'm not finished. I want more anyway. Hope that helps.

No, I mean, look, it's. We'll definitely talk about the earlier days as well with boarding school, because I'm super curious on the. The hunger and drive and ambition you had as a really young man in a. Or a boy in. Into a young man in a foreign country. Like, that's. That's incredible. But there's. I've written a couple of notes here, though. The dude, you know, the. Do whatever you want. Like that. The family. There was a saying from Naz, a fellow Italian who's a member in HPF and doing great things as well. He consults and helps men take the step in hbf, too. He said, the family you build is more important than the family you've come from. And I think that there is some real truth to that in what you mentioned in breaking down the shackles, which. What sounds like you had a lot of responsibilities and burdens thrown upon you that you had to conform, which took you through some pretty hard times in your 40s and early 50s, I think, which led to then that process of rediscovery. What I love about HPF par is that's exactly what we do. Like, we're not here saying, hey, you've got to do this, this and this. This is what makes you a father. This is what makes you a husband. This what makes you a man. It's like, no, no, it's actually a vehicle to go through that exploration, discovery, and go, well, fuck, mate. Who do you actually want to be in this life? Let's find the real you. We call it version 2.0 on the inside, dad. But it's like, yeah, who do you actually want to be, man? Like, what kind of father do you want to be? Like, we all love our kids, but what kind of father? What kind of man? What does that look like for your business or place of work? And that's. I just love that because I see that all the time on the inside with these men, it's like this epiphany. It's like I can finally see. And then they hit that first mountain. It's like, oh wow, there's even more mountains I can climb. Let's go. And so I love that part. It's, I completely agree. It's a process of discovery. You know, you saw me in the early days, I thought my identity was this rugby league player. It was simply a vehicle and conduit to express and challenge who I'd forge myself into. From the fat boy to an elite athlete. Coupled with a chip on the shoulder. I'll show them. But with respect to rugby league players, that shouldn't even be their identity. It's simply the pursuit of life, expression for a period of time. Which is short lived by the way. Even if you have a 15 year career, it's, it's, you know, what does that end up being in a percentage base of, you know, it's like 15.

Year career and you end up with medical problems that you can never overcome.

Yeah, it's like 18 of your life. 20. Yeah, exactly. You know, so I really like that. Finding and discovering yourself, the, the do.

It's another thing, there's another thing you have to remember too. Alex of Monday is not the same as Alex of Friday. You've changed in four days. I've changed in four days because I've had different things. Everything in the universe and everything you say and everything you do affects behavior. Everything. Right. So you know yourself, if you get angry about something, then you're more inclined to go off at your family. If you feel very weepy, you're more inclined to be sympathetic to whatever. But could you imagine how much you've changed from the time you're three till the time you're 70? And that's what a lot of people can't come to grips with in that they constantly see themselves as an ideal created by someone else and they try to get you to live up to it. When in actual fact, if you just step back and look at yourself and say, this is what I want. And you do that on a regular basis, you'll grow as you change. If you don't, you'll be stuck way back and you'll find that everything is a pain because you're not living up to someone else's expectations. Because even your own expectations when you're a 15 year old, I mean, geez, say 18 years old. I used to love looking at women, you know, it was the hormones are Racing and everything was whatever now, couldn't be bothered.

Men, each of their own. Oh, sorry. I thought you'd say now it's men. I'm sorry, I just.

Now, I don't wear a white collar and a black shirt. I'm not a priest. You don't have to confess to me. All right.

The advantages of doing a zoom instead of dad sitting next to me. This time he can't beat me up. Yes. That's so interesting, isn't it? Like people. People are so resistant to change. Power. But that's all life is. It's crazy.

It's the only constant in the whole universe is change. Till you tell me one thing that doesn't change in this world. One thing in this universe. One thing. Every time they look at something, oh, it's deteriorated, something's happened. Even the Earth. They're finding that the tectonic plates are moving the land mass around. Everyone says, oh, solid. Is the Earth rock solid? Yeah. Well, the rocks get scrunched up, heated up, melted and turned into something else. And we get civilizations that are thousands of years old that have never heard from again, and we think we're so clever that it won't happen to us. But anyway, yes, everything changes. The only certainty is change. And that's the way it's designed. Yeah.

That's so interesting. I've got to say, I do disagree with one thing, though. Like, the one thing that's never changed has been your collective of dad jokes. But in essence, you did read 38 books and you've got 45,000 jokes that you keep rolling out.

Classics are classics. You don't understand that. Wait till you get to my.

We can't change them. I can't take them away from.

I wrote most of those, so I feel attached to them.

Actually. You wrote some good ones, that's for sure. I'll give you that. I use them now on the kids, obviously.

I know that's called plagiarism, mate. Rack off and use your own. That's the tradition. Oh, shit.

Hey, when you mentioned you do whatever you want, is the reason why you're upset when Tim Crash chapel me through a gyprock wall in the kitchen? I wasn't 18 yet. I think I was 15 or 16 at times. Is that why.

And. And did I hit either of you?

Only a couple of times.

No, I didn't. Just looked at it and said, let's fix the problem. And off we went. Now, do you think I would have. If I'd have roused on you and done Everything else that you would have stopped doing that you broke windows, you broke walls, you broke every bloody thing you possibly could. And all I did was just keep fixing them up and keep going, thinking one day they'll grow out of it or they'll end up in a coffin. I'm not sure which I want to do yet. That's how it goes. You'll find out when your kids get a bit older that if you want to raise pets, then don't have kids, have dogs. If you want to raise a human being, then let them do what they got to do. And if they really find they got to fight or they do whatever, okay, such as life, move on.

Yeah, it's a hard thing, isn't it? Because I. I agree with that. Like, there's times where the kids are fighting and I'm like, I just want to let it play out a bit. Crin naturally that the beating heart of the houses. Most mothers are just wants, even through their chaotic reactions, bless her, wants peace and serenity. And I'm like, well, you're not adding to it. You're adding to it. Not taking away. But also it's like there's times where it's trying to calculate, engage, isn't it? How can I let Lillian and Roman, you know, not punch it out, but how can I let them have that conflict without there being any severe damage, so to speak? So it would have been a delicate thing. Not that you would have seen all of the fights, but between Matt, Tim and myself, I don't think we ever pulled knives on each other. But we. We were pretty hard.

So it's like.

But it was needed. It was. It was necessary. It was a way for us to express ourselves. We were hormonal, you know, teenagers, young men. But I agree, I think there's times where we've got to not look so much as teaching our children in the moment as opposed to presence and allowing them to express themselves. I like that saying, like you said, yeah, if you want pets, don't have kids, just get dogs. As much as I love them, it's right. You can't have your children being robots. You would have had that. That was your upbringing, wasn't it? What is it the children say, you're not heard or whatever, all that sort of stuff.

And yeah, it should be seen, not heard. I used to get called all sorts of names by my own parents. My mother used to call me astarte, vinicrate, spaccatista. All the Italians out there will understand what that means, and maybe they've gone through it. In other words, basically it says, you little bastard, come here, I'll smack your head in. I mean, that's from my mother, you know, nice, kind, loving woman. Not so. I couldn't bear that. I couldn't do that to my kids. But a lot of people make the mistake of thinking they own their kids. They don't. Children are there to be brought up. You're brought up by someone who should be loving and caring. And your children are there. You're only like a part time, not part time, a full time keeper. You raise them and you do the best you can because until, you'll know yourself very soon, until they decide to do something, they won't do it. They might pretend they're doing it, but they won't do it. And as soon as you're out of the scene, then they'll do whatever they want anyway. So you're better off trying to guide them rather than control them. And that's what I think I tried to do with you blokes. I mean, four of you. It's a bloody handful sometimes, but I just put up with it and said, that's okay, you're fine, keep going. I didn't want to do what was done to me.

Basically, we knew that when dad sat down at night in the lounge room with his bowl of fruit that we're here, we should leave him alone.

But now look, what you didn't see is a sharp knife next to me that I could throw at you. But anyway.

Is it sushi? Mango? There's a funny group of a couple of wogs that do. They do piss takes of the old days. And there's a father there carving appealing an apple. And then he cuts a piece off and hands it to his son and the knife's right in his face with the apple bit attached to it, saying, here, have some. The son looks scared. He's like, okay, I'll take the apple. It's so funny. They're a crack up.

Oh, look.

I look back and, and there were times we got our, our ass kicked. But I, I say that respectfully. Like I, I believe in physical corrections at times. You know, like let's say Lillian and Roman are fighting. Like, you know, there's going to be times where I've got to grab an arm, a shoulder. They're being disobedient. I call it Mr. Pinch. He might give him a little, little pinch and, and that's, that's more than enough because how can you sometimes verbally reason with a child who doesn't have the mental capacity to understand when they're in a. Operating in animal mode. And so, so well, well deserved. But also I look back at what you had up in your upbringing and Jesus, what a. What a successful transition you've made to not hand down what you were delivered. That's pretty tough. That's so.

I know it's very easy. I just used to just think of what my father did not do the opposite.

Yeah, that's right, pretty easy. I just followed the law, took it easy on us compared to what you got. But it's, you know, but it's. But it's tough, isn't it? Like four, four boys. What would you say par is the hardest thing about fatherhood? Marriage, Juggling it all. A man in his 30s and 40s, because that's where a lot of our guys are. We've got a few of our guys in their 50s too. But what would you say is the hardest part about life? I don't know. Life keeps changing with technology. But what was it? What was it for you? Or what do you think it is in general? Juggling it all or what's the.

Yeah, well, you reap what you sow. So if you spend time. I used to spend a lot of time with you kids from when you were a little nappy huggers to when you're 18, 19, you stop wanting me around and all that sort of thing. Why do you think I took you to sport and everything else, unless your mother alone, she could have a bit of peace and quiet. But I used to spend a lot of time with you for that very reason that through example, through whatever. I'd show you what should be done, not what you can do, right. And it's easy for anyone to lose their, their shit. You know, you get upset, get whatever. But as kids, what was that saying I had that. I'm trying to think. Yeah, got it. Now, your children might not do what you say, but they will always do what you do. So if you don't set an example, you're going to cop it. And to me the hardest part was trying to balance all that with work and with the relationship with your wife. Now fortunately, the relationship with my wife was pretty good. So. Because I try to spend as much time with her as I did with you blokes. Most of the time she told me to bug her off. But anyway, that's life.

Keep your hands to yourself.

I told her four sons wasn't enough. Poor sons. Well, mate, now she's saying, I wish I had more So I said, well, don't look at me, I was game, but it's up to you. But anyway, so that was the worst. And the other part that you find most annoying, difficult, Controversial is your 24 hour cycle, right? You sleep for eight hours, you're at home for about eight hours and you work for eight hours. Now, if you're fighting everywhere you go, when do you get any peace? So if you're fighting at work and if you're fighting at home and you're fighting with, it just doesn't work. So I worked that out a long time ago and I said, no, I'm only going to fight at one place at a time. If I'm fighting at work, great, let's keep it at work. That's why I moved around, because I just got sick of people. And I said, no, not interested, don't want to do that, I want my life. And off I went. And you can only physically do that in one arena. You can't do it more than once. So you can't be fighting with your kids and then fighting with your wife and expect to do well at your work because you won't, right? And you can't expect to do well at home if you're fighting with your kids and you're fighting at work, because you won't. Because you're constantly, you know yourself, you constantly feel agitated. Every time you think about something, you're agitated and then next thing you know, you think, well, that was good, I think I'll go back to sleep now, see if I can wake up, have Groundhog Day or something like that. But anyway, yeah, so that was basically it. There are other peripheral things, like trying to live up to other people's expectations, associating with idiots. I mean, I might sound like I'm a bit of a whatever, but I can honestly say I've never had a good friend. Never friends, yeah, I know people, but that's about it. I've never gone out of my way to live in someone else's house or someone else's life. My best friend has been my wife. So. But everyone else, I think, look, you've got your life, you do what you want, I've got my life, I'll do what I want. That's it. And that's how I managed to balance everything up. Otherwise, you know, you get up in the morning, some idiot in a radio station shouting at you, do this, do that, you put TV on, some idiots shouting at you, do this, do that, you drive along the main highway and you get These billboards everywhere, do this, do that, and you think, is that all I'm here for, is that life, really? I'm going to live from the time I'm born to the time I die, which at the moment is about 80.1, 80.2 years. And that's it. All I've done is run around, listen to other people. Doesn't make sense to me. I want to do a lot of what I want to do. And if I die, great. That's only a transition to the next life. I don't particularly worry about that one bit. But they're the most difficult things that I think everyone has troubles with. You know, they get influenced too much by people who've got no right to say, I do what they do.

Yeah, no. Pretty insightful, partner. There's a couple of things there wanted to go through, like the peace. That's a big thing. You know, man just, just wants that sanctuary and just to have some peace and harmony in, in his life. We call it creating space. So it's just, just, just, just create some space and time. Tell the world, hey, bugger off for now, and I'm just gonna spend a bit of time doing me. And more often than not, that's a slower pace. Could be fishing, could be golf, could be nature walking the beach. But yeah, that's, that's a critical thing because you're right if you're fighting on all fronts. I think that's probably the only reason why, ironically enough, HPF was born out of my marriage falling down, but through repairing, getting stronger than ever, the breakthroughs with Corinne. It's probably the only reason why I've been able to push so hard the last five and a half, six years, 2018. Yeah, we're still repairing things. As I, as I started hbf, I was still working through stuff, but it's probably the last six years going hard because there is that stability at home. Even though we've continually added children, we've got number four on the way. The road to five. Just so I could say a beach at something, if not arm wrestling, at least this. But no, look, it's, it's, it is, it is a valuable thing to understand. Guys, if you're, if you don't have some level of peace in some aspect of your life, it's. The chaos will just keep building. And then what most men I've found do that is they then just pull away and escape and they just triple down at, at work and they try and avoid the big, the big conflict that eventually comes Right, the big collision. But that does leave, it does leave that question around friendship. I found that really hard. Like there's a handful of guys that I still love like brothers that I went to school with and grew up with.

Man, everyone's different. It's just me. I'm, I'm a loner. Can I say that because I, growing up, I never found anyone. When I went to boarding school was all competition. I didn't care who you were, I was going to beat you at anything you want, end of story. Whether it's football, tennis, cricket, swimming, anything, I'll beat you, right? So it was always competitive. When I went to another school, same thing. Because you got to remember that being an ethnic growing up in the 60s and 70s and 80s wasn't fun. It was like, you know, you've only got one arm and one leg and we're going to laugh at you every time you do it. Well, when you prove to them that you're better than them, then they shut up. So to get make friends is not good. But now I find that, look, I can tolerate people, but my biggest problem is that now that I've established who I am and who I want to stay as my ideas on things are totally different to a lot of other people's. And that's where the conflict starts again. In that someone says something on the news or whatever and I think, what a wanker. And someone else says, oh, what a great guy. I'm thinking, mate, you need your head read. Go and change the dosage on your medication because I think you have not taken enough. And that's just the way it is, you know, it's just. Don't laugh Al. I warned you before. It'll only encourage me and I'll say more.

Let me just warm it up. This will be a ten part series. The next eight parts will be that's roasts.

But to me that is a very useful thing in that I know who I am, I know how I want to think about life. I know most governments are corrupt. I know most public servants are only there to cover their backsides. I know all of that. And I'm going through a few battles right now with the very institutions, public institutions that are supposed to be helping people like me. And they've all told me, yeah, maybe we might, yeah. And I said, well what's the point of having a whistleblowers for them or this or that. And then you realize that what you were thinking all along is 100% right. And you think, well and then other People say, oh, look at this. Isn't this great? Isn't that great? And I think, no, not so much. And so it's changed simply because I've recognized. And don't forget going back to what I said initially, mate, there's eight billion of us. We're all different. There's an old saying in business. If there's two people in business, you think exactly the same, you've got one person too many in that business because you can't think exactly the same. You shouldn't. That's what creates change, that's what creates everything. But anyway.

Yeah, but, yeah, but I'd say you're probably more just a piece with yourself, like, you know, loner. That's a tough. I guess it depends on the. On the definition, right? Like, for a loner. For me, it's like, I don't want to be around anyone. You've got a great relationship with all your sons, with Mum. For me, it's. I just. I think it's. What is the value of a friend? What does a friend define? You know, with hpf, it's a brotherhood for me. And that's why now I'm similar to you, Palm. I'm at peace with who I am and I'm not a hermit, but I don't really have deep, strong friendships. But I've got brotherhood. I've got men in HPF that are. That I would bleed for at different levels, of course, pending the time and depth of relationship. But that's where it's like, it's interesting because I look at that, I'm like, how could I fit, like, to my. My point was, I actually don't know if I can fit a social friend in my life right now, but do I actually need it? And so that's. I feel the same as you, but. But also, like, you know, you've got your sons, you've got Mum and Nan and. Yeah, I think. I think it's something that's just a choice. Like you said, everyone's different, but for me, I just. I don't know, Superficial. Social friendships. Not that I'm saying all friendships are that too, to people and you guys who have your friends, that's great. But for what I'm building, I just don't have. I just don't have room for it at the cost of my wife or my kids, you know?

Well, once you've worked out your priorities, who's most important to you in your life? I mean, friendships are great if they work out, fantastic if they don't. Well, move on. But, yeah, look, there's nothing wrong with friendships. It's just me because I'm weird. You know, I try to befriend people, I try to do whatever. And then it always comes to that point where they think about one thing one way and I think about another way, and especially when it's something that I feel very strongly about. You know, they just drop a comment here and a comment there. And I've always been a person who values the little things that people say and do far more than the big things, because the little things will give you away straight away. And I haven't been wrong yet. And it's been 70 years, so I'm not doing too bad. But friends are fine. If any of the people I know needed help, made it up in the car and be over there in 10 minutes, no problem. Right. I got the money. Yeah, Here you go. See you later. Whatever. Yeah, see you later. No problem. To me, that's helping. That's friends. But to say, look, he's my best mate and I got to be over there and we've got to have a few beers every Saturday or every Friday and do this and do that, well, not so much. That's not me, but again, it's just me. So it depends on each person, each person's values and each person's priorities as to who is most important in their lives and where they want to be at this point in time. Because it's very easy for your friends, or so called friends, to be time thieves. In other words, they keep stealing your time, and that means you've got less time for something else with your family or with your kids or whatever. So you just gotta work it out for yourself. But if you're asking me personally, well, that's who I am. Might got to lump it.

It's a real pressure. I had a chat with Corinne the other day about one of her friends, has the same birthday. Stella. Name's Dewey. I've known her since I grew up because I grew up with her. I remember Christine. Yeah, she's. She's great. And Quinn's like, oh, she really likes you. You know, it's the most out of all of my friends is like, what do you mean? And she's like, oh, you know, you don't really hang out with their husbands and blah, blah. And it's not that their husbands are duds either. It's like, where do you find the time? Like, you don't even see your friends that much. But the way. Not the crin meant anything bad. But the way she positioned it is like I just become a recluse if someone isn't aligned completely with me, ambitious with me and like me and doing the things that I'm growing and doing that. And I'm a bit of a recluse. I'm like. And I felt a bit bad and I was like, I get that. But I can be, I can put the mask on and I mate, I can make friends like that, like with, with, with reading the person, their emotions tying into what they love and enjoy. You know, a bit of wit and humor and all that sort of shit. Like easily. But it's. Yeah, it's, it's a, it's a. But everything comes at a cost. But I think that's why what you said earlier in this podcasts really matters. Where are you actually going? What do you actually want? You said like there are a couple of things and one of them, like who are you, why are you and where are you going? I think is what you said.

Yep.

That's really important because without that, like I said, you'll, you'll never actually, there's no way you'll ever hit it. But that's probably the best, best advice anyone can have is as much as people put too much emphasis on the goal, your goals won't help. Your goal won't take you to your goals. Your goals, your North Star, your commitment.

Process to get there.

Yeah, but, but then what process are they doing if they don't have a goal? So I think, I think with that being said, part of my deathbed, I don't think I'll have any regrets if HPF becomes what I believe it will. And through fostering and nurturing my relationship with my children and my wife will continue to go and grow the way it is. And I maintain my physical health and obviously aligned completely with me, ambitious with me and like me and doing the things that I'm growing and doing that. And I'm a bit of a recluse and I'm like. And I felt a bit bad and I was like, I get that. But I can be, I can put the mask on and I mate, I can make friends like that like with, with reading the person, their emotions tying into what they love and enjoy. You know, a bit of wit and humor and all that sort of like easily. But it's. Yeah, it's, it's a, it's a. But everything comes at a cost. My extended family, I can't say I'd have any. I'd have Any regrets with. Because I work with so many people already, you know, I connect with so many humans already.

Regrets are a total waste of time because do you really go through life thinking, I'm going to stuff myself up? Of course you don't. You make decisions at the time based on the information you have. So if at the time you did something and it didn't quite work out, eh, move on. So we all attend the university of life. We all come out with a degree, but the fees are very high. That's the cost of failure. But everything else, mate, you know, it is what it is. We move on.

What about the ones. Sorry, sorry, you're right. You go. Yep.

As you say, we don't go there.

But I think that's why what you said earlier in this podcast really matters. Where are you actually going? What do you actually want? You said, like, there are a couple of things and one of them, like, who are you, why are you and where are you going? I think is what you said. Yep, that's really important because without that, like I said, you'll never actually, there's no way you'll ever hit it. But that's probably the best advice anyone can have. As much as people put too much.

Emphasis on the goal to hurt ourselves or to stuff ourselves up or to do whatever. That's just the way things happened. Sometimes things work, sometimes they don't. That's how you learn. If you don't do that and you think, I'm going to just wait until I get the perfect moment, you'll be waiting most of your life to do the minimal things.

But anyway, yes, that's what I was going to say. Like, we've had guys who've reached out three years ago and the marriage is okay, but, you know, but yeah, maybe, maybe soon. And then they reached out three months ago and their divorce and everything's quite unquote. And it's like, oh, man, it's a hard thing. Like when you say that, I agree with the whole regret thing, but it's like, what about guys who know best decision with the information at hand? What if they know they should do something and. But they don't out of fear? It's like, but then, is that the path for them? Maybe. But then pain, unnecessary suffering. Your goals won't help. Your goal won't take you to your goals. Your goals, your North Star, your commitment.

Process to get there.

Yeah, but. But then what process are they doing if they don't have a goal? So I think, I think with that being said, Part of my deathbed. I don't think I'll have any regrets if HPF becomes what I believe it will. And through fostering and nurturing my relationship with my children and my wife will continue to go and grow the way it is. And I maintain my physical health. And obviously that becomes a cycle.

It becomes a cycle. But that's the part where you have to prioritize what's most important to you. And I don't want to sound judgmental and I don't want to sound whatever, but if something else is more important than your wife or your children, well, what do you expect? There's an old saying that. Not an old. There's a saying I've got here on my wall and it says, your actions define your reality. Okay. And I try and live by that. So if I wanted to do something to change something, I've got to do.

It in my extended family. I can't say I'd have any regrets with.

If I think about it, it's dreaming. If I think I'd have liked to have done it, it's dreaming because I.

Work with so many people already, you know, I connect with so many humans already.

Regret. So your actions define your reality. And if you're regrets are a total waste of time because do you really. Your actions cannot sustain what you want to do, then you've got to change them. Go through life thinking, I'm going to stuff myself up. Of course you don't. You make decisions at the time based on the information you have. So if at the time you did something, and the next one under that is desire is the creator of intention. Intention is the creator of thought, thought is the creator of action and action is the creator of outcome. I mean, how simple is that? Is that what you really want? Do something about it. So, yeah, look, that happens. I've been doing accounting for 54 years. I've tried to help hundreds and hundreds of businessmen. Most of them think. And it didn't quite work out. Eh, move on. See, we all attend the university of life, we all come out with a degree, but the fees are very high. That's the cost of failure. But everything else, you know, it is what it is. We move on.

What about the ones. Sorry, sorry, you're right. You go. Yep.

As you say, we don't go there. Couldn't be bothered. They don't listen, they don't whatever. Then I run into them a year later, they're either bankrupt or their things have gone as shit or whatever I said but didn't you do what I suggested? He said, no, no, no. I thought of, I'll do it another way. Because their mindset is they're gods. They created a business, therefore they know everything and I know nothing. So that's all right, go for it. How do you feel now? I'm all right, but what about you? You know, and that's just how people are. It's just people, they do not prioritize what's important. They don't like taking advice from anyone because they're whatever. But there's advice and knowledge. Someone constantly talking to you say you should. You should to hurt ourselves or to stuff ourselves up or to do whatever. That's just the way things happened. Sometimes things work. Sometimes you should is one thing. And most people get annoyed with that saying, well, pull your bloody head in other worms. I don't. That's how you learn. If you don't do that and you think I'm going to just wait until I get the perfect moment, you'll be waiting most of your life to do the minimal things. But anyway.

Yes, that's what I was going to say. Like, we've had guys who've reached out three years ago and the marriage is okay, but you know, but yeah, maybe, maybe soon. And then they reached out.

We've all got wives, you know, why don't you do this, you should do that. What about. Okay, right, yeah, whatever. But if someone turns around and gives it to you on a factual basis, if you do this, this is what the consequences could possibly be. That's a different thing because it sits in your mind thinking, well, if I do that and that comes along, that's not what I want. So that's not human nature. Because it's human nature to succeed, not to fail. That's human frailty. Does that make sense?

Yeah, I'm just thinking about, I can get you on the inside to do consults for HBF and start connecting with the men we get. A lot of men reach out. They've still got a little bit too much of that, that pandering room. It's like come three months ago and they're divorced and everything's quite unquote fucked. And it's like, come on man, you're a one second decision away. Don't pick us, pick anyone, but pick something. That's a hard thing. Like when you say that, I agree with the whole regret thing, but it's like, what about guys who know best decision with the information at hand? What if they know they should do something and. But they don't out of fear. It's like. But then, is that the path for them? Maybe. But then pain, unnecessary suffering, it becomes a cycle.

It becomes a cycle. But that's the part where you have to.

It's the limbo. It's the limbo that I, I, you know, I'm pretty deep empath, but I used to feel sorry for that because it's like, man, like you're right there, like. And it's not even with hpf. It's not, this isn't a call, give me money. It's like, man, it's you investing in yourself. Choose us. Choose anyone. But the limbo is where I see just cripple men par and then their families follow suit and everything falls apart.

Well, what did I say to start off with? You can do whatever you want as long as you understand the consequences of your actions and you're prepared to live by them. Well, people are doing whatever they want without thinking of number two and number three. And that's the problem, because if you think about number two and number three, everything becomes so easy. Prioritize what's most important to you. And I don't want to sound judgmental and I don't want to sound whatever, but if something else is more important than your wife or your children, well, so straightforward. What do I really want that aligns with my values? Aligns with. What do you expect? There's an old saying that. Not an old. There's a saying I've got here on my wall and it says your actions define your reality, everything else. And the consequences of that are, I'm going to be happy, I'm going to have okay, and I try and live by that. More time for my family. I'm going to have more time to spend my work doing quality things instead of running around like an idiot being someone's servant, you know? And that's what I choose. And let me tell you, after 54 years, there ain't nothing you can say to change their mind. They've already got it in there. And that is the most frustrating thing that I've ever had in my professional career. But anyway, that's. So if I wanted to do something to change something, I've got to do it. If I think about it, it's dreaming, but think I'd have liked to have done it. It's dreaming with regret. So your actions define your reality. And if your actions cannot sustain what you want to do, then you've got to change them. And the next one under that is desire is the creative life.

It's why. Yeah, but, yeah, no, no, I agree. But it's also why not. Not that we're looking for sad dads and life's just fallen apart, but there's always, there always seems to be some sort of catalyst off on par and, and it's not again that we want that for them. But sometimes it seems to be a case of, yeah, I do need that ultimatum from the Ms. Or I do need that health scare where I'm in hospital, I didn't realize I had a little heart attack, what's going on here? And like, you know, or something where they just hear their son mimic the exact same bit of intention.

Intention is the creator of thought. Thought is a creator of action and action is the creator of outcome. I mean, how simple is that? Is that what you really want? Do something about it? So yeah, look, that happens. I've been doing accounting for 54 years. I've tried to help hundreds and hundreds of businessmen, most of them verbal abuse.

That they fucking hurled at them two months earlier. And they hear in parrot and it's like, oh, wow, I think all these men, like you said, you can't do anything about it because I can't create behavioral change in you. But something in them. There is an epiphany because we have helped thousands of men and Jesus stories are unbelievable. But there needs to be some sort of moment, doesn't it? There's always got to be a catalyst and for a lot of men it's sometimes the fear of opportunity costs.

It's like, well, couldn't be bothered, they don't listen, they don't whatever. Then I run into them a year.

Life'S good, but it's not going to be great. And I've settled. So we have a lot of those guys too, but a lot of high flying men who just are hungry for more. For me, that's the formula for life, dad. You know, you got to keep going and growing, going and growing. But, but it is a.

That's exactly right. Later they're either bankrupt or their things have gone as. Or whatever. I said, yes, no, I agree with you, but a lot of people, I mean, but didn't you do what I suggested? He said, no, no, no. I thought of, I'll do it another way because their mindset is they're gods. They created a business, therefore they know everything and I know nothing. So that's all right, go for it. How do you feel now? Without, at the risk of sounding religious or whatever, Jesus came down on this earth he preached, he did everything else. Half of them loved him and half of them hated him. The half that hated him, crucified him. There's a moral of that story. You can't please everyone and nor will you. So you spread the word. And if people are interested, they will benefit from it. And the people who don't benefit from it, well, I'm all right, but what about you? You know, and that's just how people are. It's just people, they do not prioritize what's important. They don't like taking it. That's their choice. That's fine, do whatever you want. Advice from anyone, because they're whatever. But there's advice and knowledge. Someone constantly talking to you, say you should, you should. And that's where a lot of people, they just cannot move that next step. And say you should is one thing. And most people get annoyed with that saying, well, pull your bloody head in. I mean, well, hang on. Maybe there is something here. Maybe there is something I need to change in my life. Because they get in the same habit, you know, they get addicted to behavior, they get addicted to whatever. I mean, what really changes a person is habits. And most people form habits that are terrible. Whether it's smoking, drinking, not exercising, eating too much, doing whatever. That is what it is.

Yes.

I'm not saying I'm perfect, not by a long shot. Tease. On a scale of 1 to 100. If I was. If you're looking for perfect, obvious lot, minus 50, but anyway.

No, but it's available. Look, I'm not infallible.

We've all got wives. You know, why don't you do this? You should do that. What about. Okay, right, yeah, whatever. But if someone turns around and gives it to you on a factual basis, if you do this, this is what the consequences could possibly be. That's a different thing. Because it sits in your mind thinking, well, if I do that and that comes along, that's not what I want. So that's not human nature. Because it's human nature to succeed, not to fail.

HPF in my life. And everything's been built off mistakes. How good you keep going, that's how.

The universe teaches you, by mistakes. Now, you know what doesn't work. So work on something that does work. It's that simple. Everyone complicates everything. But it's really, really simple. If you just take the basics. It's really simple. Stick to the basics. It's really simple. You know, you don't need 500 people on social media. I reckon you can only handle about 15 or 20 friends at the same time anyway. But you know, to have all these people and you think, don't tell her I said this, but your mum, she's got that bloody thing going and she gets messages day and night, day and night. I said, for Christ's sake, put the bloody thing somewhere else. It's human frailty. Does that make sense?

Yeah. I'm just thinking about, I can get you on the inside to do consults for HBF and start connecting with the men. We get a lot of men reach out. They still got a little bit too much of that, that pandering room. It's like, come on, man, you're a one second decision away. Don't pick us, pick anyone, but pick something.

You know, it keeps going on and on and on and on. I said, who are these people? I don't know.

It's the limbo. It's the limbo that I, I, you know, I'm a pretty deep empath, but I used to.

So what do you got them on for?

That's just. This is me messaging Mum, talking about your secret birthday present. Birthday present. We're organizing. But yeah, yeah is a shout out to Mum too, who's listened to every single episode. And she won't falter on this one either. So she's got.

We're all gonna die sometimes, mate. I'm always alone, smiling.

I'll get the team, just edit out that bit and timestamp and that's. It's, that's true though. It's very true. Oh, and look, it's like I said, you can't please everyone. You've got to create your journey. And, oh, you should see the comments on some of our Facebook ads. Feel sorry for that because, like, man, like, you're right there, like. And it's not even with hpf. It's not, this isn't a call to give me money. It's. It's like, man, it's you investing in yourself. Choose us, choose anyone. But the limbo is where I see just cripple men par. And then their family's phenomenal. Like, well done. You get to get a good laugh, but, you know, it's, it's follow suit and everything falls apart.

Well, what did I say to start off with? You can do whatever you want as long as you understand the consequences of your actions and you're prepared.

It's a core. What I'm picking up as well, though, apart from you, is there's, there really is a core set of values and belief systems that are your drivers towards.

What did I say to you when you were a young bloke? Again, see, it's very simple and you and your brothers have adhered to it, whereas most people wouldn't. And that I said to you was, do whatever you want. But I said, secondly, formulate your own set of standards and morals and live by them. That way, when someone says something to you, you'll be able to look at your checklist and go, no, that's not me, and move on. And everyone should do that, live by them. Well, people are doing whatever they want without thinking of number two and number three. And that's the problem, because if you think about number two and number three, everything becomes so easy and so straightforward. What do I really want that aligns with my values, aligns with everything else? And the consequences of that are, I'm going to be happy, I'm going to have more time for my family, I'm going to have more time to spend at my work. I mean, the Catholic Church is not infallible. The Pope might be, but the rest of them aren't, right? The Muslims, they're not infallible. They take your pick. They're not infallible. They know it, they admit it, but they just want you to believe blindly. But the only person you should believe blindly is yourself. You'll know. You'll know when things are done, whether inside of you, whether it's the right thing or wrong thing. And if you can set up your own standards and you can live by them, well, how can you not be at peace? You know, you just can't not be at peace. And that's why you don't do things that other people like doing, doing quality things instead of running around like an idiot being someone's servant, you know, and that's what they choose. And let me tell you, after 54 years, there ain't nothing you can say to change their mind. They've already got it in there. And that is one. That is the most frustrating thing that I've ever had in my professional career. But anyway, that's that you think is silly and you think, no, thanks, I'm good.

That comes with ownership, though, doesn't it? And that's the problem. A lot of people out there think they're Teflon and won't stick to them. It's like, mate, the truth always wins. So, you know, believe it or not, the truth will always win. And find, find you out, good or.

Bad, who's the one person you can't lie to.

Yourself.

Yourself. Thank you. I try.

But you can't.

You can't because at the end of the day, you know, so you've just lied to yourself. So what does that make you? It makes you feel less of a person because life.

It's why. Yeah, but. Yeah, no, no, I agree. But it's also why not. Not the.

You've lied to yourself. You don't need to lie to yourself. Just tell yourself the truth and your behavior will change all the stuff. Set it again. It is that easy. That's why people sort of look we're.

Looking for sad dads and life's just falling apart but there's always. There always seems to be some sort of catalyst. I find par and it's not again that we want that for them. But sometimes it seems to be a case of yeah, I do need that ultimatum from the Mrs. Or I do need that health scare where I'm in hospital. I didn't realize I had a little heart attack. What's going on here?

And like for the meaning of life, look for everything else. It is so bloody simple now I'm 70 now but I hope I keep going like this long about 95, I think I'm. That's when I'm due to expire. My life's going to be like that. I'm just going to be as do as simple as possible as much as possible and look after the people who I love in my family and that's not ul and move on from there. Sorry, mate, you're.

You know. Or something where they just hear their son mimic the exact same.

Well, if.

It'S me then you won't make it to 95. You'll be like 76 tops. And then too much, too much work.

I'm going to come down there and put holes in your wall, buddy. I promise.

Of verbal abuse that they hurled at him two months earlier. And they hear imperative like, oh wow, I think all these men, like you said, you can't do anything about it because I can't create behavioral change in you. But something in them. There is an epiphany because we have helped thousands of men. That's right. Well, I'm looking at on my wall I've got. Funnily enough, my wall and Jesus stories are unbelievable. But. But there needs to be some sort of moment, doesn't it? There's always got. But on my wall I've got here a set of values and the third value that I have on on my wall here on this print off is don't crash tackle through gyprock. I was trying to think earlier. How could I get that to help me if he's only a 10 minute drive away? What sort of car does he need being in Queensland and I'm in New South Wales? Dad, I need some help. Roman's just crashed, tackled Lillian through the wall.

I just. Mate, another thing that I love to live by, and that is you can replace things, but it's got to be a catalyst.

And for a lot of men it's sometimes the fear of opportunity cost.

It's like, well, can't replace people.

All right, something happened, life's good, but it's not going to be great. And I've settled. So we have a lot of those guys too, but a lot of high flying men who just are hungry for more. For me, that's the formula for life, dad. You know, you've got to keep going and growing, going and growing. But. But it is a.

That's exactly right.

Yes.

No, I agree with that. But a lot of people, I mean, I don't give a shit, break a glass, I don't care, I don't care. Go and buy another one. Next. But a person, that's different. You break a relationship with someone in your family, that's not good. And I think you've heard me say that many times. I just don't care about things. Oh, it's very expensive. It's this, it's that. I don't care. Where did you get it from? You can always get another one. But people are different. So if your kids go and smash your walls, fix the walls, they're replaceable, the kids aren't.

Yeah, 100% agreed. There is a real. Like, it's probably without, at the risk.

Of sounding religious or whatever, Jesus came down on this earth, he preached it and everything else. Half of them loved him and half of them hated him. The half that hated him, crucified him. There's a moral of that story. You can't please everyone and nor will you. So you spread the word and if people are interested, they will benefit from it. And the people who don't benefit from it.

Well, two more things I'd love to cover.

Par.

It's been a great episode with you. There's this one. Definitely. Talk about the early days in the drive, but before that there is a real pinch point, like when you talk about challenges and juggling it all and the struggles of life and trying to not be at war at every angle and, and having some peace. And there is a real Pinch point. Like there's a reason why most or a large percentage of our guys are right on that second half in life, Mark. They're somewhere between that.

That's their choice. That's fine. Do whatever you want.

38 to 45, maybe 40, maybe 42 to 48. But they're there. I'm entering. Depending on how long you live for, of course I'm entering. Or in the second half in life, it's just. It just seems like whether it's pressure where they built up the residual.

And that's where a lot of people, they just cannot move that next step.

And some compounding effects of vices or.

Well, hang on. Maybe there is something here. Maybe there is something I need to change in my life. Because they get in the same habit. You know, they get addicted to behavior.

They get addicted to different things that have pulled them away that aren't wholesome or behaviorally good for them.

But whatever. I mean, what really changes a person is habits. And most people form habits that.

What would be your advice? I mean, you've given some great pieces of advice now, but what would be your advice to those. To the men of today who are in the process?

Basically, it comes back to the same thing. Know who you are. Everyone thinks that we're a body with a soul. We're not. It's the other way around. We're a soul with a body. That's why when you die, your body stays down here and your soul goes up and moves on to the next. Whatever you want to do. Terrible. Whether it's smoking, drinking, not exercising, eating too much, doing whatever. That is what it is, right? But if you realize who you are and how powerful you are. I'll repeat that. I'm not saying I'm perfect. Not by a long shot. On a scale of 1 to 100, if you're looking for perfect, obvious lot minus. If you realize who you are and how powerful you really are, everything falls by the wayside. It just does. Something happens. I mean, when I was 50, but anyway.

No but it's a valuable. Look, I'm not infallible.

You're talking about my difficult time and whatnot. Man, I used to shit myself because I was forever owing people money for this and for that. I built the house and I had no money. I don't know how the hell I built it. 52 square house. And I built it with no money. The bank gave me some money and then I owed people and they'd ring me up, yada, and I'd feel depressed. I'd feel whatever. Then one day I turned around and said, no, fuck you.

Go and get stuffed HPF in my life. And everything's been built off mistakes. How good you keep going, that's how.

The universe teaches you, by mistakes. Now, you know what doesn't work? So work. I'm not giving you a cent. You're a fucking thief, et cetera, et cetera. You overcharge something that does work. It's that simple. Everyone complicates everything. But it's really, really simple. If you just take the basics, it's realizing me. You did this, you did that, you did that. They stop ringing. I thought, oh shit, that'll be simple. Stick to the basics. It's really simple. That was easy. Or I turn around and say, look, I don't get paid till next month. Cause I was on monthly pay. And that's when I'll give you some money. Until then, don't bother calling me. Cause you're wasting your time and mine. And they stop ringing. And then from that I just keep developing, even now, my own life. I can do whatever I want. So can you. You don't need 500 people on social media. I reckon you can only handle about 15. I mean, if I wanted to and I didn't like someone, I could just whip out a knife and go and cut them into pieces. Who's going to stop me? No one. The consequences are not what I'd like. But no, I've got 20 friends at the same time anyway. But you know, to have all these people and you think, and stop me again to put a religious side to it. And that's where I get most. Don't tell her I said this, but your mom, she's got that blood to my strength, right? Not from the men, but anything going. And she gets messages day and night, day and night. I said, for Christ's sake, put the bloody thing somewhere else. From God. You look up Psalms 82, verse 6 and it says, you know, it keeps going on and on and on and on. I said, who are these people? I don't know. We're all children of God. All of us. We're all gods. We can do whatever we want. And that's very true. Now, if people turn around and say, well, what's my tipping point? Realize your own strength. When you set up your own morals and standards and you take the right perspective on life, then you realize what your strengths are. Thinking. So what do you got a mom for?

This is me messaging mum, talking about your secret birthday present. We're organizing. But yeah, yeah, here's a shout out to Mum too, who's listened to every single episode and she won't falter on this one either.

Who's going to stop you? No one can stop you. We're not.

She's got.

We're all going to die sometimes, mate. I'm always smiling. I've done things that most people sort of gone. What? I mean, if I want to know something, I don't bother going down to the local department. I ring up the bloody member from Parliament in Canberra and say.

I'll get the team. Just edit out that bit in the time.

Staff want to know. This isn't that you don't get to speak to them, but their offsider rings me back and next thing you know, I'm getting everything done that I need to. Would you have done that? Very few people do that. That's why they get shocked when someone rings them. Simply because I understand the power of my voice. Right. And that's what's led me to be. How can I put it where I am now? Comfortable with myself.

And that's it. That's true, though. It's very true. Oh, and look, it's like I said, you can't please everyone. You've got to create your journey. And, oh, you should see the comments on some of our Facebook ads.

So I've comfortable with my own inside my own skin, and I don't see any of the negatives that surrounded my life.

Phenomenal. Well done. You get to get a good laugh. But, you know, it's, it's, It's a core. What I'm picking up as well, though, apart from you, is there's, there really is a core set.

All I look forward to is going forward and focusing on what I want.

Values and belief systems that are your driver.

I mean, I can't change what I had for breakfast today, let alone change something 30 years ago. So let it go. Let it go. What did I say to you when you were a young bloke again? See, it's very simple and you and your brothers have adhered to it, whereas most people wouldn't. And that I said to you was, do whatever you want. But I said, secondly, if you're married, you'll understand that your wife's going to remember it all anyway, so don't worry about it. So trust me. That's so bloody true, too. Anyway, so you just focus on your life. What do you want to do? I'm powerful, I'm strong, I'm whatever. What are you going to do to me. You know, if you go to someone and they say, I want this and that, you say, no, what are they going to do? Formulate your own set of standards and morals and live by them. That way when someone says something to you, you'll be able to look at your checklist and go, shoot. Ya won't have to worry about the problem anymore, will you? But they won't. And that's what happens. When you confront people, they stop. When you confront issues, they stop. Right, because subconsciously you're already working out how to fix it, but you're so emotional about it that you lose track of what you're doing and why you're doing what you. No, that's not me. And move on. And everyone should do that. I mean, the Catholic Church is not infallible. The Pope might be, but the rest of them aren't, right? The Muslims, they're not infallible. They take your pick. They're not infallible. They know it, they admit it, but they just want you to believe blindly. But the only person you should believe blindly is yourself. You're doing so if you can turn around and say, okay, if it's dead, no, can't pay you. I mean, most people don't realize, but if she owes someone a debt, by the time they get you through court and they do everything else, it could be six to 12 months. The world could change in two months, let alone six to 12 months. So it goes on basically that. Know who you are and be strong. Know that you are strong no matter who you are. And by doing that, you'll be amazed the change in your own family. It's one of the best things you can do because they will look up to you. They will realize that there's someone there to protect them. And they'll realize that there's someone you'll know when things are done, whether inside of you, whether it's the right thing or wrong thing. And if you can set up your own standards and you can live by them, well, how can you? Not that they want to invest their time and energy and emotions with. If you be at peace, you know, you just can't not be at peace. And that's why you don't do things that other people like doing, but you think are silly and you think, no thanks, I'm good. If you don't do that and you're forever running and being cowardly and being whatever. Well, but don't focus on the negative, focus on the positive. People get attracted to strong people not to weak people. And everyone who thinks they're weak, you're wrong. Everyone is strong. You've got it between your ears. You know you've got it between your ears.

That comes with ownership, though, doesn't it? And that's the problem. A lot of people out there think they're Teflon and shit won't stick to them. It's like, mate, the truth always wins. So, you know, believe it or not, the truth will always win. And find, find you out, good or bad.

Who's the one person you can't lie to.

Yourself.

That's the only advice I'd give you. Be strong and be yourself.

That's powerful, powerful stuff. And for those listening out there, it's hard on your own too, fellas. You can't. You can't look at yourself or look down on yourself. And sometimes you do need other people's courage, certainty, conviction, or a pathway to help you reinstall your own. I mean, it's literally, it's the only reason why we exist. Borrow our courage, borrow our certainty, borrow our strength so you can redevelop your own yourself.

Thank you.

I try. But you can't.

You can't because at the end of.

The day, you know, and carve out the path that you actually want. Because you might be able to do it like dad did, but it took Dad a long time, like you mentioned as well, or maybe you never will and you'll become like most people. But as the biggest thing I get from this, though, dad, is the choice is yours. One thing, though. Ambition, so ambitious when you were young, how did you. Where did that come from? That drive about sport and competing and boarding school and performing at a high level with tennis and afl and like, where was that just baked into your life?

So you've just lied to yourself. So what does that make you? That makes you feel less of a person because you've lied to yourself. You don't need to lie to yourself. Just tell yourself the truth and your behavior will change all the stuff. Set it again. It is that easy. That's why people sort of look for what was the.

You know, because of your upbringing at home. Like, where did that come from? Because I've definitely picked up on that and applied it to my life, that's for sure. But that ambition, that drive, where did that. Where did that come from?

Well, came from several places. One of the meaning of life, look for everything else, it is so bloody simple, was partly family because my father, God rest his soul, always used to say, well, if Someone else can do something, why can't you? And I thought because they've been training for five years to do that and I've only just started. I mean he took me down to third grade soccer and said, go out there and trial with them. I'd never played soccer before in my life. I was a state Aussie rules player and he wanted me to play soccer for professional. Now I'm 70 now, but I hope I keep going like this. About 95, I think I'm club right, so that sort of stuck a little bit. But the drive I suppose basically was that's when I'm due to expire. My life's going to be like that. I'm just going to be as do as simple as possible, as much as possible and look after the people who I love in my family and that's not ul and move on from there. Sorry mate, you're being an ethnic in that. I had to constantly fight for everything. But then I found out later on in life that I'm actually. I suffer from adhd. I've got what they call a Ferrari brain now. Lady told me that about six months ago. She said, oh, you've got a real Ferrari brand. Did you know that? And I went, Ferrari. It must be good, must be great. Wow. In the space too.

Well, if it's me, then you won't make it to 95. You'll be like 76 stops.

And then I got home, I thought, I don't trust her. I'm just going to look it up. I looked it up and it's one of the conditions of adhd.

Too much, too much work.

I'm going to come down there and put holes in your wall, buddy, I promise. Your brain's quick, it's too fast, it's too thin. Because my brain doesn't stop. I wake up at 1 o' clock at night thinking about everything. It just doesn't stop. It just keeps going and going and going. So that's fine.

I was thinking, that's right. Well I'm looking at on my wall I've got. Funnily enough, my wall forced me to.

Do a lot of things because with what I'm working on now, but on.

My wall I've got here a set of values and the third value that I have on, on my wall here on this print off is don't crash tackle through Gyprock.

I wake up and I think, okay, if I do this, this and that, I can visualize things, I can do whatever, but it's the push to actually do something. The push to use my mind before I lose it. Because two of my siblings have got dementia that passed away from it. My mother had dementia. And so to me, it's a real motivation to keep doing things.

I was trying to think earlier, how could I get that to help me if he's only a 10 minute drive away? What sort of car does he need? Being in Queensland and I'm in New South Wales. Dad, I need some help. Roman's just crash tackled Lillian through the wall.

I just. Mate. Another thing that I love to live by, and that is you can replace things, but you can't replace people. All right? Something happened, as they say. I want to wear out, not rust out. But that's it. I mean, I've changed a lot. I mean, I always just think, oh, look, I want to be really, really this, really that. I don't give a shit about the money. I just want to do things. The money will come. If I do the right things the right way, the money will come, all right? But I still want to do those things. And when the money comes, I don't give a shit. Break a glass. I don't care. I don't care. Go and buy another one. Next. I'll spend it in ways that people won't even recognize, including. But a person that's different. You break a relationship with someone in your family, that's not good. And I think you've heard me say that many times. Yeah, well, I don't know how to tell you this, but you're not my will.

I mean mums though, and I'm her favorite. She's told me that already. I hope my brothers don't listen to this.

Sometimes I just don't care about things. Oh, it's very expensive. Yeah.

Okay, I gotta go. Dad. I gotta give mum a quick call and just ask her a couple fancy.

If it's this, it's that. I don't care. Where did you get it from? You can always get another one. Actually, I've got the wills in my drawer, mate. So if you're not nice to me, you'll never get them until it's too late.

I think. I think your mum's still got something that you want.

But people are different. So if your kids go and smash this.

Not that I'll call you a dirty old man, but I think she'll still have the cards. Sorry about it.

She'll be right. That's so good.

That's been great part. Oh, sorry. We can say.

Yeah.

Anything else?

No, no. That was basically it. Your walls. Fix the walls. They're replaceable. The kids aren't.

Yeah. 100 agreed. There is a real. Like, it's. It's probably.

I mean, success breeds success, if you know what I mean. But I haven't had that much success.

Two more things I'd love to cover.

Par.

It's been a great episode with you. There's this one. Definitely. Talk about the early days in the drive, but before that, there is a real pinch point. Like when you talk about challenges.

Be honest and motivation is between the ears. What do you really want? It all comes back to those basic questions that I mentioned earlier on. Who are you? What are you and what are you doing? What do you want? That dictates everything.

I think just. Yeah. And juggling it all and the struggles of life and trying to not be at war at every angle and. And having something. Yeah. Yeah. And I love that, dad. And I think just on that, though, it's probably important to define the scope of what success is. You've got four. Four sons these. And there is a real pinch point. Like there's a reason why most or a large percentage of our guys are right on that second half in life, Mark. They're somewhere between that having some pretty quality impact in the world at the minute.

That's right. I don't know. It's. It's. It's a. Yeah, but who did that? I didn't do a thing. Remember I told you I just looked after you and. And grew you and put you out in the wild and said, go forth, my son, and do whatever you wanted.

38 to 45. Maybe 40. Maybe 42 to 48. But they're there. They're. I'm entering. Depending on how long you live for. Of course. I'm entering. Or in the second half in light. All fires start from a spark.

But.

But I appreciate the humility. But yeah, I think that's. I think that's a. That's what we call legacy. Right.

It's just.

It just seems like whether it's pressure where they're built up, the residual. It's pretty. Pretty awesome. Don't discredit that. That's for sure. And. But no, it's been. Been great. Great practice run, dad. Do you want me to hit record now and then we'll go through it all again.

It just. You better talk to your mother, mate. She's just about to take me out to lunch.

Compounding effects of. Of. Yeah. Vices or different things that have pulled them away that aren't wholesome or behaviorally good for them. But what would be your advice? I mean, you've given some great pieces of advice now, but what would be.

Your advice since you've been in here twice? Yeah, inside. To see what I'm doing. Yeah, that's right. She sent me the message.

Is everything okay? Is. Is that embarrassing?

Him?

Not those. To the men of today.

Basically it comes back to the same thing.

She didn't say that. I'm just kidding, mate.

I can embarrass myself wherever I go. I'm very multi talented.

I've got 12 missed calls. No, no, that's. That's been awesome. It's been great to get you on again, Dad. I can't believe we're talking. And it was episode 24 so long ago. It's six.

Know who you are. Everyone thinks that we're a body with a. Jeez, but who's counting?

Yeah, what is time? But no, you go and enjoy your lunch. Any final thoughts? I know you've got a fair few quotes on your wall that you. That you model, but I think you've covered a fair few of them, which has been great.

Be yourself. Be yourself. Be who you are. Enjoy the power of who you really are and plan your life out accordingly. Oh, we're not. It's the other way around. We're a soul with a body. That's why when you die, your body stays down here and your soul goes up and moves on to the next. Whatever you want to do, right? But if you realize who you are and how powerful you are. I'll repeat that. That's all you gotta do. You've gotta understand your own strength. When you understand your own strength, who you really are and everything else and what you really want, then everything else falls by the wayside. You don't need to listen to other people. You don't need any of that shit because that's all it is. Shit. Someone's trying to impose their view of life on you. Well, if it was that bloody good, they'd listen to it themselves, wouldn't they? So do you realize who you are and how powerful you really are? To me, that's it. And when I hear people talk, I analyze based on my own standards. And if I like it, great. I'll talk. If I don't like it. So. Yep, okay. That's your opinion. It falls by the wayside. It just does. Something happens. I mean, when I was. You were talking about my difficult time and whatnot. Man, I used to shit myself because I was forever Owing people money for this and for that. I built the house and I had no money. I don't know how the hell I built it. Bye. And off I go. I'm so cruel. I know.

Maybe that's where I get the Viking from. Hey. A bit candy.

That's him. That's him. It's.

It's about delicate, about. No, I love that. But I think it's a delicate balancing act.

52 square house. And I build it with no money.

The bank gave me some money between being efficient and. And being invested in life, you know, because. Because that's a. That's a risk I have with my kids. With, like. That's probably my biggest weakness. I'm too direct at times for the sake of efficiency. Hazy.

And then I owed people and they'd ring me up and I'd feel depressed.

I'd feel, it's a straight line. Go fucking do that. Don't follow through on anything else other than that. And then it's like, wow. All right, hang on a minute. You know that's how I talk to myself, right? At times instead of just being in the moment, but important with others.

I was having a conversation with your eldest brother one day. Whatever. Then one day I turned around and said, no, you go and get stuffed, I'm not giving you a scent, you're a thief, etc. Etc. You overcharged me. You did this, you did that, you did that. They stopped ringing. And I thought, oh. And I just basically said to him, I wasn't finished fishing for compliments. I said, you blokes did all right. You're growing up and whatnot. He said, yeah, yeah, we did good. Daddy said. I said I wasn't that much of an asshole of a father. And he said, no, no. He said, the one thing about you, at least we knew where you were coming from and you were consistent. That was easy. Or I turned around and said, look, I don't get paid till next month because I was on monthly pay. So we knew exactly what to expect, and that's when I'll give you some money. Until then, don't bother calling me because you're wasting your time and mine. Because that's all I knew. I thought, no, I'm going to keep doing the same thing that I thought over and over again until it gets where it's got to get. And look at them now. Anyway, I think I got to get going, mate, because that's your mother sending me messages saying, get out now or I'll strangle you. Unless you want to see murder on the and they stop ringing. And then from that I just keep developing even now my own life. I can do whatever I want. So can you. I mean if I wanted to and I didn't like someone, I could just whip out a knife and go and cut them into pieces.

Your neck, not mine. You've already contributed to my birth. So I'm all good now. Look, great, great. Have you on a couple things I want to do. Yeah.

No appreciate who's going to stop me? No one. The consequences are not what I'd like.

But no one appreciate you Pa and happy birthday again and hope you guys got some great value.

Thanks mate. I hope that is of help to you. It's just an old man ranting but a lot of those things I found true and I see it in very few people.

Yeah, no, it's extremely good.

It's quite easy to do. Yeah.

Now I've got plenty of write ups here that I'll be reflecting on as well. Some powerful stuff. Thank you again, dad. Thank you.

Stop me again to put a religious side to it. And that's where I get most getting into it.

See you on the next one.

Cheers. Thanks. See ya. To my strength. Right. Not from the men, but from God. You look up Psalms 82, verse 6 and it says we're all children of God. All of us. We're all gods. We can do whatever we want.