Episode 273. From Broken to Builder: Matt Leman on Fatherhood, Work, and Winning the Real War

All right, into another podcast, we've got Mr. Matt Lehman, an exceptional member who's joining us today. Absolutely crushing it. We've just finished Winter wars and we're just talking about that actually offline and, and how awesome it is as a competition. We'll probably create a highlights reel, too. But, fellas, I wanted to. And you've probably noticed lately, I've been bringing a lot of members on board to share their stories and. And Matt's another one, you know, but he's. He's very unique in just a standard. Love all the men in hbf. I'm just really blown away by the standard and how much you've ripped in, man, the last six months and accelerated your journey, your way of thinking, your ambition. But. But nonetheless, mate, looking forward to ripping in this session. Thanks for joining us today, Matt.

No worries at all. Thanks for having me. Yes.

Yeah, can't wait to. Like I said, I was going to cancel again, mate, so I could just leave you hanging, but I felt bad. But now I've been meaning to do this with you for a little while, mate, and can't wait. I know you're coming to cozy as well, which will be epic. That'll be so good. But I guess, mate, like all the guys, what I really love is diving into. Into you, man, your journey, you know, a bit about yourself. We were just talking about the kids earlier, before we hit record, but I'd love for you to share, you know, a bit about yourself, your upbringing, your background and whatnot. And then we're going to dive into, you know, this crazy game of life, mate, being a business owner, ambitious to provide financial fruit for the family and then assessing that. Do I park it? Do I push? What's it going to cost me? Where are things at? I got the Mrs. I got the kids. I got my health. It's a crazy game, man. It's a. It's one that we. We know how to win, and that's what HBF is. But jeez, it's a. It's a crazy game, mate, that's for sure. But, yeah, Matty, share a bit about yourself, man, and let's. Let's dig into it and rip into an amazing episode.

Easy. All right. Yeah, look, I'm a. I'm a middle child. I have a younger older brother. Hectic, hectic upbringing. Look, we. We're still in the same town that we were born in, so. Love it. It's a small, small, small sort of town. Country. Not really over the country, but. Yeah. Yeah. So we've We've sort of grown up with a crazy, crazy little lifestyle. We were, we were full of beans, the three of us. I've actually have recently apologized to my mother, what we put her through. But yeah, mate, it was awesome upbringing. Mum was. Mum's Catholic. We are. So we'll drag to church every Sunday.

You fall asleep like I did, mate. Unfortunately, I remember that exactly. And elbow me and like I can wake up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that we went through all that. So. Yeah, look, Mum's mum. Look, I know all guys say it and some don't but obviously, man, my mum is an amazing woman. What she taught us her values just rubbed off a lot. Dad. Dad was a hard man. Fair man. Hard again. Did I say that? Yes. But yeah, you know, look, we, I guess he had to be as we grew up, we were, we were, we were wild, us three boys. So. But we survived. Had certain family members sort of say, don't know how you all lived. So that was a compliment, I guess. Yeah. Look, dad was, dad was a very hardworking man. So, you know, through the, I thought back through the 80s, you know, I watched him work three jobs to provide and just. Man, he never stopped seven days a week put us through private school when, you know, maybe you couldn't afford it, but they did, they, they just. Man, the parents did an amazing job so, you know, forever grateful to them. So. And, and still, still awesome grandparents to this day. So sort of Dad's. Dad's actually has been sick over the last few years. He's got a bit of a blood disorder which he's been on chemo for coming up four years now almost and refuses to stop. I've had arguments with him and he sort of said, he goes, what am I going to do? Sit at home? So does his chemo. Has one day off and then just works non stop. So he's actually. They just lashed out, bought himself a new caravan finally, finally spending some money. So they're away. So. Yeah, that's good. So really, really good. Close family upbringing. We're all still live relatively close and spend lots of time together. So that was, that was sort of the. Yeah, the main upbringing with us. It was, it was just, was amazing.

Just on that mate, like we've spoken about the old boy and you're like, I remember he just keeps working and he's having chemo and working. It won't stop and. But it's like, yeah, it's, it's a, it's a purpose for him. Yeah, yeah, the work ethic like what are, what are some of the things you picked up from. From your mother and your work ethics? Got to be one mate because you, you rip into work pretty, pretty hard as well. That is impressive what you're telling me about the old boy, but what are some of the things you picked up on from. From mum and dad? Some values and whatnot?

Work, Work ethic. With dad, I think he probably, to be honest, pushed a little bit too hard. I remember, let's say, whether I was 15, I think actually I still remember the day my birthday, it was like, yep, you're allowed to work, go and get, you know, your tax file number, whatever else, Bam, go and get a job. So I was working at the supermarket and I think I said to Dad, I want to play cricket, because what for? Yes, just work. He goes, what for? You stand around all day, you may as well get an extra shift at the supermarket, get extra money. I'm like, okay, so, you know, work, work, work. Look, always certain, certain extended family members have done really well, so maybe I've got a bit of money hungry from that. But it's always, you know, it is nice to have money, especially when I was a kid and, you know, if I ever borrowed 20 bucks off dad as a kid, yep, you owe me 20 bucks. He. Not that he didn't have it to give me, but he, he made me really understand the importance of money. So, look, I live with mum and dad Till I was 23, and me and my wife bought our first house. But I mean, I'm from a. I'm a spray painter. So automotive background. Followed along dad's footsteps and used to do a lot of backyarders. So he'd be. Used to make some actually really good money. And did always say to me, he said, how much you make for that job? I'd be like 700. He goes, oh, okay. He goes, give me, give me 500. Like, huh? What do you mean? He goes, my shed, my rules. Yes, you'll get it. And it went on and on over the time, and I sort of twigged it goes, ah, you know, if I had a thousand dollars on a job, how much make on that one? And I got. Got towards the end, I'd say, oh, 400. He goes, oh, yeah, give me 700. I'm like, I only made four. There was no, no pulling the wool over his eyes. So look, he. He grew up, he left school at 13 and worked. So, you know, all he's done, he's worked. And I've watched him work. He's Enjoyed life. I've done a lot of fishing together and stuff, so. But yeah, he put a very, very strong work ethic with me, which, which, you know, it's. It's good. But sometimes something like that, I just wish I could sort of relax sometimes, which. Which I find difficult. So, yeah, so I got to thank him for that and sort of. Yeah, I guess we'll go with the thanks, you know.

Yeah. So that's all. It's a balancing act. And you're sharing this because your, Your son Jackson will listen to the podcast too, so he'll be very grateful that you're not charging him 700 for any odd jobs around the house.

Oh, yeah, actually he. I had him at work and he had a. We had parent teacher interview. So we had the day off and we'd run around. He said, oh, I want calf. So I said, really? And thought, okay, anyway, I'll let him go. He's.

He's been.

He worked pretty. Worked pretty well for the day. And we pulled up, he goes, how much am I getting paid today? I said, oh, we haven't worked it out. He goes, oh, mum owes me 40 bucks. I said to him, I said, oh, yeah, you want that? I said, oh, where's your money? Mum owes me 40. So I gave him. He said, oh, plus interest. So, yeah, you actually owe me 55. So I gave him 50. I said, okay, there's 55. We pulled up to the window, I said, now pay the lady. And he looked at me like. I said, if you're going to charge me interest, you're paying for your own lunch. You know, look, which, which I thought at 12 years old, I thought, oh, okay, yeah, don't get too money hungry. But yeah, man, the kids are switched on these days. It's just. That's unbelievable, you know, so that they are, man, they're smart. So. And, and that's our job, I think, now, which I've really stepped up to, to guide that smartness for good. So that's. That's a big plan.

Yes. You don't get anything past them, do you? Man, we gotta. There's this game, man, it's killing me. It's called Taco Boca World and all of my kids love it. It's like they got. They love. What is it called? Minecraft. Oh, man. But they love this because you can do like little upgrades to Little Town and blah, blah. And so they're calling them Taka Tokens. It's like two bucks. But that's all the microtransactions Right, but I've got to click, I've got to click the phone or the iPad. It's got to look at my face to approve it. Yeah, like, oh, what jobs can we do around the house to earn some Docker tokens?

Oh yeah, look, that's good.

Like five years old. Seven and nine or six and nine. Sorry. But yeah, no, it's gold. Made a solid, solid insights already. Matt. What. Walk us through. What I really love hearing is the journey and it includes the struggle for sure, but the journey, you know, for men as they move through their 20s, into their 40s. So 23 moved out, bought your. Bought your first house with, with your wife, obviously pulled some, some good work ethic and values and, and drive from, from the olds. But what, yeah, walk us through the next couple of decades, man. Like, where did life go? What, what, what happened? Talk us through obviously the, the kids and whatnot. And, and I guess what led to pre hbf.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, look where the. My employment started. I was in year 12.

Year 12.

And look, let's say I had a slight running with the vice principal mid, mid through year 12. And he sort of said to me, goes, look, I think it's best you recommend. I don't think it's worth you coming back next year. I said, yeah, well, me too. Yep. Agreed. Was. Don't. It may have been sort of heated. That was on the Friday I still remember to this day when I got on the bus, was heading home and went, oh, no, how am I going to tell dad? I'm not how this is going to go down. I'm like, this is. I just. Yeah, I mean, I was almost stressed about as much coming on this podcast, but so I walked, walked in the door and dad turned around and said, Monday. He goes, Monday, you start work at Ashmore's. That's the business where I am now. And I went, what do you mean? Because I'd previously done work experience there. And he said, there's Yep, no more school. You start work Monday. I just thought, oh my God, how good's this? I thought, oh, Friday. I said, yep. So I started on that Monday, which would have been now 27 and a half years ago. So I started this shop and yeah, eventually started with four, four brothers that owned it and worked, actually worked. So after 23, yep, build a shed at home. Worked, worked, worked so many weekends just to try and build up some money and I was, I was busy anyway, 14 years into where I was at Ashmores, I sort of said, I've had enough, I'm out. And they gave me the option of buying in. So I bought into the business at a 25% share. Then we sort of slowly chipped away and I bought a. We bought one of the business part, one of the brothers out and then another one. And I've actually only got one of the brothers left, so we both own the business. So that was. Yeah, that was a. That was a good thing. So we work well together. That. That was. Yeah. Look, and that's a lot of my life, really. The, you know, based it a lot around work. Put a lot of time and effort into it and it's. And it's paid off. Can't complain. So that's been really, really huge with what I've sort of achieved. Probably overworked towards. It was actually just before Jackson was. Erin was pregnant with Jackson. So stressful times, but it worked. But look, I think back now and I sort of shudder that the amount of work I did and left Erin to sort of. I was home every night. But, you know, I worked way too much and let too much sit on her shoulders during the first few years. Then we had a second child, Asher.

Yeah.

And I just focused a lot on work. I was very, very career orientated. And I sort of look back now and think, yeah, it was selfish, I guess. So we actually, I think we did speak of. In my dream, you know, I had. I had big plans. You know, I think I've got a. As we all do, a brain that never stops. So I. I actually have this funny thing where I do. I literally plan out my future. And Aaron just laughs. She goes, I don't know how you do it, make it happen. But as I said, it's, you know, your base, I guess you make them your dreams. And. And I had everything set when I was going to get married. A house, married, kids, anything I wanted, I'd just tell her and it would happen. She just, she just. But as I guess it was setting dreams and chasing them and everyone I set, I just hit it, bam, bam, bam, one after the other. She just sort of said, you were just. You're a freak with like, you can foretell the future. But I guess it's not that. It's. It's creating dreams and chasing them. So, yeah, had some big ones. But I think as we spoke, one was I. I sort of pulled back and went, I think the dreams, which, which I didn't. As we said, I didn't give up on my dreams. I just, I shelved them, which I had to do for the sake of, for the sake of myself and the sake of the family. I, I just restructured my dreams and backed off on work. You know, went from working 60, 70 hours a week to now maximum I'm, I do is 40, so which is, which is good. And that just made a huge lifestyle change with, with, with being married with the family as well. I just, as I said, yeah, and it was, it was pretty clear cut. It was, that's, that's the thing that I want to do and the right thing to do. So. But yeah, that was a, that was a big move to sort of, sort of have something planned that I'd seen. And I thought, you know, everything I get, every goal I, every dream I aim for, I get. And, and I sort of thought, I sort of thought I was just throwing me dreams down the, down the drain and giving up, but not really. It's. You guys have helped me sort of realize that, hey, I haven't done that.

Yeah, well, it's tough, man, because you look at what is the dream, what is the goal? You know, I, it's not that I haven't said it before, I'm sure, but just today when I was in the middle of a workout, something just hit me and I was like, I was. Because I was investing in myself, my physical and mental, emotional well being, training, all that sort of stuff. And then I just thought of my kids and Roman's nearly five, so he's five next week and, and I got number four due in December. And it was just like a voice that just came through me. It was like your children. So talk about investing yourself, Investing yourself, invest. It's like your children are the greatest investment you'll ever make. I was like, man, it's so true, it's so true. Like we, we look at investing in, in business or knowledge and personal development, all that stuff matters. But it's like, yeah, that's the vehicle. 4 like why I'm fit and healthy and strong and providing for the family is providing for the family, for the children. Man, they're the greatest. But so many people. And that was off the back of some tough stories I'd heard where children have been neglected and, and, and you know, fathers carry resentment to fatherhood itself. And it's, it's tough and it's, you know, it's not their fault, but it's their responsibility. What they do with some of those voices that has them carry bitterness and resentment because your duties and obligations change mate once you become a dad. So if you look at Some of the earlier podcasts. Matt. This is the year that we're supposed to be building a HPF ranch and. And running our own retreats. It's like all not there yet. It's like. But, man, I wouldn't change a thing. Like, the. The service we're providing is really, really maturing. We've got some amazing evolutions coming this quarter as well, which is cool. And I've been present with my children and even so much so that we decided to have a fourth through ivf. So it is interesting. But I absolutely believe that about you too, mate. You haven't given up on them. They're just. They're just parked whilst you. Because what is it like? A lot of times the dreams are something that we externally achieve as an outcome, as a man that we have most control over. But it's like, well, most of us then lead to business, not your children and experiences and maybe certain holidays that carry those experiences. And a lot of people, the goal is to get married, sure. But maybe it's to stay married and to never end the dating game, too. Right. Like, marriage shouldn't end that. The playfulness and the mystery and the. And everything comes with it. But yeah, so that's a. It is interesting how HPF works in that way, mate, in. In helping re. Spark the fire for men, but reallocating your efforts because, as you know, mate, the dreams you and I have spoken about for you, you and your businesses, whatnot, there's no reason you can't smash them in the future. You can always make more money and build bigger businesses as you get older. The kids fly the nest and that's.

So that's it. They're only kids. Yeah. They're not kids for long, are they? It goes, man. It goes quick.

Yes, certainly does. So where. So how'd you find fatherhood, man? So you've got. You've got three kids. What. So obviously you're speaking about Aaron and some of the stresses, obviously, with. With the. The babies coming in, but still your workload and trying to. Trying to juggle that. Like what? Yeah, walk us through fatherhood, man, and how it tested and challenged you, what you love about it. And then I guess I wouldn't say breaking point, but obviously you reached your threshold. We're like, well, hang on a minute. I. I want a bit more and out of life where I've had a couple of uncomfortable points of conflict, maybe myself with my wife, like, walk us through that, mate. Like fatherhood, the gift and the challenges it has been, and then what led to you reaching out to hbf?

Yeah, look, I mean, I was absolutely love being a dad. Just. Yeah. I mean, as. As most of you guys know, it's just. It's just an amazing gift that we, we get and we can give. So look, I was, I was, I was always present there, you know, same thing, home every night. Always did what I. But, you know, I was rolling in home, you know, six o', clock, 6:30. Well, when you've got little ones, you know, that, that's. Yeah, that's not the worst time to roll in. I've had a stressful day, you know, had a stressful day with, with all that stuff. And then you sort of roll in, you think, ah, but look, in my mind, I was doing a good job. I sort of look back now and go, yeah, I probably could have done a lot better, you know, so it sort of went on. So Jackson was great. We had another one, a second boy, which we. We both wasn't ivf, but we. They were, they were planned. We had a bit of medical help to get that. And then Georgia came along, the third one, sort of as a surprise. So. Fantastic. Best surprise in the world. You know, she's amazing. And after that one, I think the stress of three kids with their own look and the kids. Kids take a lot out of you when they're. When they're that age. And look, me being at work, work, work. I think Erin came across a bit of postnatal depression with Georgia and they were sort of. There were a couple of hard years. I took it personally and we had. We had a real tough few years, which, you know. Yeah, they were tough times even. We can talk about it now, which is good. But look, you know, I can sort of see, man, we struggle. That's. It was just. It was very difficult and, and there's no way, you know, I mean, I can see why marriages end. It was. It was like that. But, man, I had to think I could never walk away from the kids as well. I had a duty. So, look, it worked out in the end, but then again, we're still working on it now. You know what I mean? It's not. It's no easier walk in the park, is it? So. And that was it. I think we got to that point and that's when I sort of made the decision, you know, change focus. I've got to focus on this family more. I've got to focus on. Even Aaron said it makes sense now. She sort of said, you know, all you do is work, you've got to find something for yourself, so I haven't got time. You know, we use all the same excuse. I haven't got time for myself. I never did. I never really looked after myself at all. Treated myself like for a lot of years and, and that's certainly has changed now. So. Thanks. Hbf. Jump jumping on here was a, was a massive turnaround. You know, there was a couple of years back, I just never, never looked after myself. There was a time at work I sort of went, oh, I had a bit of a turn at work. I was just going way too hard and I knew it wasn't right. I just thought, this isn't good. So I went, okay. Shook it off and went, okay. Went to the doctors. I said, oh, I just want to get some blood tests. And he rang me two weeks later. The doctor was absolutely useless that I used. But anyway, he went through. Yeah, your results are here. That's good, that's good, that's good. He goes, oh, what, what, what's, what's your treatment for your heart attack? I went, ah, yeah, I thought so. I said, well, that's why I came in and got the blood test and said that to you. He goes, oh, okay, I will go and do your heart test. So, okay. So I went to the, did the heart test, couple of things. And the doctor goes, he goes, oh, mate, your heart strong. As I said, yeah, cool, thank you. So I walked out of there and didn't give it a second thought, you know, I thought just stupid shit like that, you know, I used love, love mountain bike riding. Broke my arm, broke my arm a couple years ago and went back well, fractured it, sorry, and went to the doctors and just to deserve to be like, go and get it checked out. Yeah, had a fractured arm, went, I haven't got time for this.

Literally.

And just let it, you know, just did so much stupid. Was. I was in a. I was in a pretty shitty place, you know, I had no respect for myself. And then, then, you know, you throw all the stuff like the drinking and everything else in that just. It was, I was on a downhill spiral. So, yeah, and just was lost. Didn't know where to go. Just with, you know, you put all that together, you could just sort of, if you can use that stuff to paint a picture. I think a lot of us guys put ourselves in that position and we get to that point where the wife's not happy, the kids are hard work, Work's hard work. It's just, it's, it's. Unfortunately, it's Becoming very common in society to be like that. I, I hope not, but it was for me, you know.

It'S a. No, it's a common thing everywhere, man. Well, that's what I've seen as well. Like it's a lot of men with HPF like who come in hbf. It's. Isn't it funny? Like it, it's almost like challenges. It's such a common thing we see, man. It's like challenges with the Mrs. Oh, we all love our kids, but challenges with the kids neglecting your self care. And if you do, it's never really the whole hog. Like you might train a couple of times a week, but you're still 20 kilos overweight, man. Like, that's a lot of, that's a lot of information. It's so weird. It's like our number one value is just making money because it sounds like you're still driven, you're still performing, you're doing massive hours. It's so crazy. Like at some stage in life it almost becomes a switch where we don't know how to please our wife and kids. So we're missing the mark there. So we're not efficient or effective. We triple down on what we know, which is how to make money. We think we can just tough it through mentally. What is breaking down organically in us. Like we're animals, we're organisms. There's just no light at the end of that tunnel, mate. Like, even if you're alive still, it's like what's, what's at the end of that tunnel waiting for you. It's crazy, man. Like if you, like you say communist society. Not sure, but surely you've seen it like with, with, with other mates or other people or, or some of the best shares in Asia. Like what. Where do you think that is it for? Is it that just the. Not the love for money, but that's the identity making money. Like why do you think that happens, Matt? Like, where do you think that comes from?

It's. Life's stressful, isn't it? I mean, it's just the, you know, is it, is it what we've been made to think we should do? And we've just got so much feel like we've got to do do and that's it. And we just, we sort of push through it and do it and don't think about ourselves. That's it. You know, we always put ourselves last. Well, a lot of guys just put ourselves last and that's it. You know, there was all for years, guys don't talk about that shit. You know, there's so many of my mates that I think about now. You just couldn't have that conversation with them. It's, it's like, oh, yeah, shut up yourself along those lines, isn't it? So we have no support. Well, a lot of guys don't have any support. And that's, that's, that's a massive thing. We just can't talk and, you know, you think, oh, I'm not going to bring that up with the wife and tell her how I feel because, you know, where's that going to end up? And they got enough stress as it is, let alone having to deal with thinking that I'm stressed. And yeah, life's, life's just too hectic. We just, we just let it get out of control. That's, that's the issue. I think.

He'S tough telling the wife too. You know, like, women want us to be vulnerable, but I wouldn't say they'd see it as weakness. But when we have, if, if. Or when we'd have those moments with them, the very first thing that goes through their mind is an amplification of what they think through every single day, which is worry, fear, anxiety. Like they're emotional creatures.

Yeah.

And now I don't even have the rock in my husband, so it is tough, man. It's tough to tell our wives the struggles we go through. One, they'll never understand because they're women. They've got their struggles, we have ours. But two, it's hard because it's not, it can be detrimental at times, which sucks because it's like, man, then you feel like you're even more alone. Yeah.

Yep. And if, and if they don't, if they don't respond like you want or hope, you know, it makes it worse. And it's, and maybe I'd had spoken of times and, and didn't get sort of the response or, or, you know, it didn't, didn't roll how I thought in my head because, yeah, we think so much and think, okay, this is how this is going to pan out. And it just, you think, ah, yeah, that didn't work. So you sort of, then you start to avoid certain conversations, I guess, because we're not the greatest communicators. But there's, there's, there's plenty of, plenty of assistance now to work on, massively on that communication. I've come, you know, I just didn't, you know, go back three years ago. I thought, oh, do A communication course. So I can. I can sit here and talk, say what I feel. But yeah, there's so much to it, isn't there? So.

Oh yeah, I remember. I think Rome was just born. Might have been covered so many years ago or five years ago just on. Just before five years. What was it? Maybe Christmas? 20, 20. Anyway, yeah, it's like four or five years ago. It's just tough like. Like even for an online business. Like we do a lot of hybrid in person stuff and I mean Covid just shot everything to. But I remember sharing some of the struggles with Corinne logistically, financially, like with the business. And I just remember going through and it wasn't an event or dump was just sharing some real challenges going through because she asked how my day was and how things are going. And I remember looking up, obviously love and respect to crim. I remember looking up Matt and just seeing this. This fucking blank stare looking straight back at me. I was like, oh man. It's like you don't even understand, do you? You can't even comprehend how. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's about five may have been pre Roman how close we were to dying as a company. I was like, mate, we were so. It was so hard. Everything. No, it was a. It was when was covered 20, 21.

Yeah.

I was like, mate, we are like in the wars and I was never gonna let it happen, but just the gravity in of the situation, I could just see there was just nothingness from. I was like. So it's almost like. I don't know if it's denial or what. I was like, okay, well, if you ever want to know about work and hpf, I'm happy to share, but I have zero expectations.

Yeah.

Haven't any input or, or. Or insights or even empathy. It was. Was crazy, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not their fault. Not her fault.

But no, no, that's right the third. So.

Oh, Georgia, she probably runs the house. Surely that. The baby. A little girl. She ripped into the boys. Does she bite him? Oh, yeah.

I've got a bit of a plan at the moment to stop the. The Asher and Georgia fighting. So. Yeah, but. And they. And they're doing really well. So they. Yeah, yeah, we've got this game. Oh, did we win today? Yeah, yeah, great. They. And they've actually. We let them stay up late last night because they actually sat there and played together really nicely. And I walked back out and Aaron's like. And I was just. And I just said, look guys, I said, you can stay up late. You're Playing so nicely. Oh, not all excited. So, you know, it's just working out different ideas. It's, it's just, it's a game of man. How much are we constantly learning?

Yeah.

So. And that was, that was a good thing to stand there together, Aaron and myself, and just watched the kids play and just sort of. We just looked at each other and smiled. You know, that's one of those parenting moments you sort of overlook, you miss, you forget about the good stuff and you know, it's. Yeah, it was a good thing.

Yeah. It's like fire and ice sometimes, mate. Lillian and Roman, I said to Corinne, if, if this fourth because it's a girl, I said, mate, if she's anything like Lillian, mate, she's going to be absolute monster. Oh, man. Because she'll be watching Stella, who's nine years older and trying to be her when she's 12, when she's only three. That's my. It's like I said to Stella, any makeup, anything you have, I said, your room will be destroyed. Don't worry about that. Like this little one and you can't. What are you gonna do to it? She's nine years younger than you.

Yeah, I think, I think I'm losing debates with an 8 year old. 8 year old girl. Yeah. It's just like, it's so good. That's gold.

That's gold. Hey, walk us, walk us through. Because you shared some pretty deep insights, which I think's a really common thing. You know, we just, I guess as men we get tunnel vision and, and because we can produce in that area, we just triple down on that. Right. And we just keep producing that area which is typically work. What. Where were things like with you? You were the kids balancing time, maybe the skill sets like you mentioned with communication, your relationship with Aaron, your physical health. Like, why did you reach out to us? Like, what'd you reach out to?

Hpf.

There's just some bloke you're scrolling through on social media who he's probably full of like the rest of them.

Right.

But here we are. But yeah, I'm curious, man. On what. Where things are at and then what actually drove you? Because I love that. I love knowing a man's drive. That's, that's awesome. It's very inspiring.

But yeah, yeah, yeah, look, as I said, the last, last two years were pretty tough. You know, we went through. Well, even after that, we went through Covid, man. Aaron did a, you know, had three kids. Homeschooling. Three kids. When I say I was Wild as a kid, man. My three are just next level crazy. The nicest kids you'll meet but man, they're, they're just non stop, I think to the point where it was just the other night it was bedtime with my middle one and he's standing on his bed doing backflips to get into bed. I said, well, come on, calm down. And within three minutes he's asleep, he's just, they just go to exhaustion.

So yeah, she did that.

That was a real struggle to get through homeschooling so that there was some massive stresses through Covid, obviously. And I worked, worked, worked, I worked through and that's sort of hit the fan there pretty bad. I think I pushed. Probably one of the issues was that that was my, you know, I'm a man, I'll work, I'll make money. So I worked extra hard. I encouraged Aaron, told her, I said, you might as well quit your job, you don't need to work. I can finance the, you know, the whole setup. That's good. Which then she sort of came across to. She lost her purpose, which we've spoken of now. You know, she had no job, she's just stuck at home, she's a mum and it's like with postnatal depression, it's like it sort of never, it can spike. It was up and down and I thought, you know, and then I just, I'm working so hard, I'm trying to do what I thought was right, which, you know, work, work, work. And in my head that was, that was the right thing to do. I'm providing and. And it wasn't, it wasn't. She needed, she needed a husband and I wasn't there. So to be honest, we sort of, we had a chat. It wasn't an argument, it was a chat. And she sort of said, oh. I said, well, what should I do? Move out? She sort of said, oh, might be a bad idea. You know, here's me crack the shits, right? I went and packing bags, packed a bag. Still had a great relationship with mum and Dad. I actually went down there to tell them, thinking that was going to be a hard thing. I went down to Mum and Dad and told them. They didn't say anything much. They just sat there and listened and asked a few questions and within 20 minutes I'm like, nah, not happening sort of something. A light, light switch clicked and I went, nah. So I came home and said, nah, I'm not going to go, we're going to work this out. So we, you Know started a bit with Aaron and that was not long after that I think I did see one of your videos and went yeah, just, you know, you basically once, once like many of guys have said, you spoke directly to me. So I hadn't seen any of your stuff, signed up because I thought, and it took me a while but I thought I've got to change and I knew, I knew that I had to do a lot of work and she'd told me but in my head now I was fine. She was the one with the issues with the shits up all the time. So I think I clicked on your thing, signed up, didn't do much with it and then sort of forgot about it. So it wasn't long after that I had a couple of emails back and however it worked and had a chat with Naz so I hadn't even listened to. So it was probably one of your 30 second videos that just got me jumped on with Naz and had a chat with him for you know, a good half hour and he just, just had a chat and I just went right, let's do it. Because I just knew I was just at that point, you know, I used to, I, I drive. I was just lost. I didn't, didn't want to come home, I didn't want to go to work. I remember nights that I just pull over in the car and sit there and just, I was, I was nowhere. I was, you know, as, as Aaron says, you just get to this point where you're just numb. You know, love the kids but just sat there in the car going what am I doing? I was, I was pretty, pretty up and, and that's, that's, that was the start of it all. So that was last year. Last year that all happened and haven't looked back since. Yeah, it's a tough time, tough time. And just didn't know where to go and found you guys.

Yes, it's. Oh mate. Incredible sharing. Appreciate you opening up and, and being transparent because it's not easy. Men and we all have battles and they change, they change as the men get older. Doesn't matter what age you are though, there's another kid or there's perimenopause or you lose your parents and maybe they were a pillar or a rock for the family helping you out with the kids. The kids get in trouble. Like man, it's just never ending. I can see it there, there will be never ending problems and challenges in, in life but you know, you, so you said you signed. Oh okay. So you Would have got like the marriage playbook or something. You would have got like a little like an intro or, or subscribed or. But then, but then, yeah. Naz, what a legend. How good, mate? We did a, a two part session not long ago.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy look. Yeah, yeah, he's. Yeah. And that's it, look a half year and I guess I was in that position where, you know, a half an hour chat with him was just like got from that, from that initial quick chat just picked me out of this. He just dragged me out of this hole that I was in and I have not looked back. Like I can't thank him enough for. And keep keeping him on the, you know, the initial consults because he just, he told me what I needed to hear, he told me what I could do and achieve and, and he was 100%. Yeah, I just, you just don't get to speak to, you know, and, and which now, but in, in general society we don't get to speak to people in that sense.

And yeah, not, not with your best intentions at heart. Right. And, and say it respectfully to psychologists or other people who are either indoctrinated or follow a specific certified structural pathway that, you know, like the university and whatnot, where maybe they do, maybe they don't. But, but again, man to man. And just to be clear, if like, I mean, how to even put a price on that, mate, like the fact that you have that breakthrough and you completely change trajectory, which has led to experiences your children didn't know existed that you've created, like it's, it's insane like to actually try and materially measure or compare that. But, but for those who aren't on the inside with hpf, just to be clear. So when men reach out, you, you actually speak to a member like, so we've got several members that you talk to. So call it a consult, a game plan, a strategy session, call it whatever you want, but that's who you speak to. Men who are walking the path, who they give a. Whether you pay money or not, they're here to help you. And, and, and if you're a great fit and you want to join hbf, of course, open arms. But I do like that though, Matt. Like there's no fuckwits in hbf. I really enjoy that. It doesn't mean we haven't had to get rid of a few over the years, but I'd say with thousands through now, it's pretty good. I'd say be less than 12 or 13. So we've got a pretty good filtering process, but, yeah, for guys who reach out, like, that's why I laugh. I said, you said you spoke to Naz is like, yeah, man. Like, it's mate. He's like the living embodiment of hpf. Been with us three years now. He's got podcast episodes which shares, gee, some deep and dark times, and that's what I love. There actually is a real, real connection, and I talk with him every day. And there's this guy, mate. You know, he's a great fit, but he's struggling here and here, so I'm going to help him with this for the next six months. And. And, you know, it's like, man, that's awesome. He's not even in hbf. And. And Naz and Maddie and Birdie and Mike, they're out helping these guys. And it's so good. But, yeah, it's. It's pretty incredible. One thing, though, that one thing you mentioned, though, I just wrote it down here. It's such a funny perspective. When you said I need to change, like, I just took a bit of time, but then I realized I needed to change. I just want to say, and I think anyone who listens to this is quite open to it, otherwise you wouldn't listen to this podcast. But why the wouldn't you want that perspective? Like, why. Why wouldn't you want to change? Like, there's nothing wrong with me. It's my wife's like, yeah, okay, I get that. But why wouldn't you want to still keep changing? Like, it. It blows me away, man, that most people in the world, whether you're blaming someone or not, or you don't think you need to change, or you don't think you're the problem, it's not even about. It's like, why wouldn't you want to change? Because if you adopt that mentality, that's like the spark, Matty, which drives everything to your favor within your power and control. Because if you're waiting for everything else to happen, you're actually weaker. You're limited, you don't have influence, you don't have pull. That's why I think this is such an important perspective to consider. Because if you go within, life could be phenomenal. Okay, well, I want to keep changing and improving. If you maintain that mentality, man, you will always be in more control than someone who doesn't. You'll always have the power in your hands on your side, and you'll have the ability to forge and engineer just like you did, man. When you talked about your goals and your dreams is because you chose a perspective. So it was a thought, a belief system, an identity, which all tied into your actions, which all tied into the outcomes, which all tied into your focus and that cycle many times. Yeah, of course, you were the fortune teller or you had your crystal ball. It's Bates. Pretty fucking straightforward. But that. So, you know, credit to you. And obviously you adopt that mentality. But, yeah, I wrote here.

What?

Why wouldn't you want to change?

Yeah, I just thought that. And. And the big one was. That was the old. You know, I felt broken, literally. And then, you know, it's. It's like broken men raised broken children and I thought, no, not happening. So broken men, you know, have broken families. And that was. That was massive. I just thought, ain't happening. And that's it. I felt broken, so I thought, time to fix me. And I'm fixing. Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's good. We're. And it's. It's been. It's been a long time. You know, there's no, There was no excitement in life. And when, you know, Aaron said to me for years, you need something for you. And, and we. We speak of HPF now, and she's just. She just loves it, you know, and this is it. This is for me, this is my hobby, loving. And she sees, she said, see, see, I told you you needed to do something for yourself. I said, yeah, and. And this is legit. Like, you know, guys are playing gold footy, whatever else. I sort of. I never played sport because I was always working, so that always got back, you know, had. Had nothing for me. Never, never anything for me. So. And this is when you think about it, literally, it's my hobby and I'm just loving it. Absolutely. There's just so much to. Yeah, there's a life to live and I wasn't living it. So, yeah, it's, It's. It's a good guide.

It's. Yeah. So stuff, isn't it, that. That just coming back, you know, you got. You got a bit emotional, man, around that word broken. Like, it is a.

Yeah.

You know, like, I've got thick skin, man. But it's tough to look back at so many men. Oh, man, so many men. It's hard, mate. You know, I don't. I don't know where they are now or if they're even here, but. Yeah, credit to you, mate, for taking the. Taking the right step, you know, It's a beautiful way to look at it, though, a hobby Mate, what an amazing hobby. Personal development in yourself, your challenges, testing. I wonder what I could do here. And you're working on your body, you're working on your communication skills, your mindset. You're looking how you can tweak your leadership with your business to help those around you look up to you. Like it's. Mate, I'm the same as you, man. Like, I couldn't call me a golf set for my 40th the other week, but. And I'll try and play maybe once a. Every one or two months with, with my brothers, but other than that, man, I just love how what I do professionally with, with you men is, is like, that's like a hobby to me. Like, I'm so, I'm so driven with all the stuff I keep building. But also it's like mate, so awesome like that. Personal development just for you to do whatever you want. Just you not, not get the car out, drive one weekend every four months, get your jet ski out twice a year. Yeah, I've done all that stuff. I just love working on myself. Not so much the external things you have fun with. It's unreal. Yeah, good way to put it.

Yeah, well, and it is. I mean it's, but it's and it's. And a hobby is something you enjoy and I guess maybe, maybe I'm in that sense, but how much I'm enjoying it and learning. You know, I always say to the boys and with school, oh, I said, mate, if I could go back to school now, I would have loved it. I just would have put in so much more effort. But that, oh, with this, you know, I'm just, I mean I'm putting in so much effort because I'm enjoying it. I'm getting. And, and what I'm, what I'm learning from it, it's. It makes you feel good now and, and that's it. It makes me feel good. And you know, that's, that's a hard thing to do I think as a business owner, dad, husband, for you to actually finally feel good, you can't beat that.

And then the ripple effect to others. Tell us, man like you, you said, you know, Aaron loves hpf. What. You know, walk us through any, any examples what she said. Any, any experience or stuff that you guys have, I guess walking through now.

With hpf, which, which I was excited to tell her about. There was some stuff we were talking about, you know, and I was all excited and, and she goes, oh, well, yeah, you know, you haven't really told me exactly what you do. So I was going through it and explaining certain situations, you know, which I didn't see where this was going to end up anyway. And she's. And she got really upset because, you know, she's like, oh. She goes, oh yeah, I know, I know what you're saying, you know, so bringing up struggles and dealing with stuff and, and she turned around and she sort of goes, oh well you, you've got hbf. She goes, do you know what I've got as a woman? Nothing. I have SC the Internet for personal, you know, to look for stuff for personal development. Everything. She goes, there's nothing. And you've got this all laid out for you. I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa. You know, and it almost upset her that this is here and, and she honestly has like, she's, she's doing so much work and it, and it's hard and, and that's legit. She, she was just like, oh yeah.

You'Ve got it all.

It's just all there. I've got nothing. I'm like oh. And then I felt guilty. I'm thinking oh shit, where am I going? How do I save this one? But it worked out in the end. But I thought, yeah, we. It is, it's just, it's just a one stop shop. Just bam. You've got it all there. So. And now, yeah, very encouraging with it. At the start I sort of thought, oh, what she going to think of this? And just yeah, the kids, the kids know all about it and the kid, as you know, the kids are so involved with it. My middle one, Asher loves Eric. He's. If I've got a video of Ericon, I'm like can you understand him? I said, all right, come and sit down and listen really carefully. Trying to his accent. At the start I'm. I think, right, Eric's the coach. I'm thinking, holy, how am I going to go with this? But mate, I can now. It's like he's. I can but at the start. But I'm. That's one at the moment. And then, you know, as a 10 year old. Oh, what's he talking about? It was only on the bed last night that he was listening and then we had a chat about what, what we were talking about ambitions and you know, so it's how, how it all flows on. Yeah.

So good the. With your Asher. I think he said he's 10. If he, if your 10 year old can understand the big German powerhouse coach Eric made healer and, and he's driving ambition and goals and whatnot. He'll. He'll be crushing, mate. Yeah, Tommy's 15. But yeah, it's something I always thought of. Not that I mean love Eric, mate. He's. He's. He dominates man the Titans so he looks after the Titan squad. I'll have to get him on again for sure but something I was always interested in when a guy joins hpf, typically in some ways in, in a bit of distress, whether it's stagnating life or you know, just different, different parts where they, they've felt the need and then they've got this big. I don't want to imitate and up his accent. I'm not going to attempt it today because the boys will rip into me. So you get the big, the big welcome all the way from Germany. But no, sorry, he lives in Sydney. But yeah, yeah, that's cool though. You share, you also share the podcast with Jackson, don't you? We've mentioned this before. I gave him a little shout out I think. But how's he finding mate? Talk me through the. I guess just the, the connection what you do the process with him because that is. Mate, that's pretty. I mean I gotta maybe curb the language on some episodes but.

Yeah, but it's clearly. Look, there's some, some get a pre run first and, and I basically just pick out, pick out certain things actually at the moment we've almost finished so some of your podcasts just to get. I thought I'll bring him into so he can understand and it's. Give him a bit of an introduction what I'm doing it and why I'm doing it. Certain things so we can talk about that. Because on the days that I don't leave early, I've got gym some mornings so he's always oh, you're not going to gym tomorrow. Oh, okay, so we'll put it on, look at and it's not every day but yeah, so we'll do some of the podcasts and we've done audio books, you know, at Middleton and it wasn't, you know, you just don't realize. So we did an Aunt Middleton one together and that, that was, that really interested him and then we'd sort of whether we pause it and then talk about stuff like that. It was to the point where I had an Middleton book here and he walked into the bedroom, picked it up. I said you want to borrow that? He went yeah, can I have it? You know, and as a 12 year old reading that I'm like mate, how good's that.

Did you rent it to him, mate? Ran it to him and charge him interest. It's enough at a library.

But the, the one at the moment, the. The Nathan Wallace one, the Neurology of a Teen Brain. I mean, you know, I'm st. We're studying the science on a teen brain, mate. That is a game changer to listen together, to listen with your kids at that sort of. That age that works at, let's say, teens. And that, that, that was just next level to sit there and both laugh and look at each other and smile and, you know, he. Man being a kid's heart, like, I still remember. And that's where I put so much effort into, to helping him and trying to guide him because I just remember the struggles of growing up and how. How a teen's brain works and trying to get him to understand that and. And this is just picking it all apart and it's just. It was almost a relief for him and to. To dissect it. And I've. I mean, I've passed Nathan Mollus on to so many people to say, guys, you've gotta. You've got to listen to this. Yeah, so that's been a really, really good one together. And I drop him off at school and we'd sort of be sitting there. I think we were sitting in the line for another four or five minutes. He's like, I better go. You're holding everyone up. Because we, we just wanted to keep listening to it.

And that's.

That's pretty special to, to be able to do that with your kid and him wanting to do it. And we're both learning. We're both learning together, so. But that's. That's a big shout out. The Nathan Wallace Neurology of a Team Brain. Just awesome. Just. Just sucked us both in. And if, even if you're struggling, you know, teams, teens can drive you up the wall and they think, they literally think that everybody hates them. They come across, you know, oh, you just hate me. You love. You love all the other kids and hate me. It's. That's. That's a great one. If you get stuck with that jump on, listen to it together and it explains it all. So 100. That has to be done.

Oh, Wallace is phenomenal. Yeah. Nathan, we've got. Getting back in. It's been a little while.

Yeah.

We've got a full series of his sessions. So those who are members in hpf, make sure you jump into our. Our experts library because there's. Mate, he's got some phenomenal Stuff just even with. With what we call special time. He actually broke that down as, like, this is why it's empowering to do it with them. It's like, oh, wow. Yeah. You give them control and then it removes judgment. And then. And they feel more vulnerable with you, then they're willing to open up more and share. And it's like, oh, wow. Just sitting there next to your kid playing a computer game and not reacting. If they say a swear word to test you out, like, no. Yeah. You have full control. Do whatever you want for the next 10 minutes. It's like, man, that's unreal. He's. He's a legend. He's a legend.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

Even to have it used at the dinner table the other night was, sorry, dad, my brain's out for renovations. I'm only running on 10% now. You understand? Yeah. To go to that next level with your kids. It's.

It's.

Man, it's.

It's.

It's killer.

Oh, yeah. How do the wife and kids handle the dinner table, mate, when they just hear that soft little German voice in the background. You're one of Eric's sessions in the background, just playing while you're. Eric joins us. That's the best.

What.

What else is. What's changed? What else has changed then, mate? Like, we. Yeah, you've obviously highlighted that there's some impositives with how you've leveraged or used HPF for the kids. But. And with Aaron. But, yeah, walk us through. Walk us through, mate. So what's. What's changed in your journey with hpf? Where are things at now for you? And you see moving forward.

Overall. Overall improvements everywhere. You know, how to communicate with people better. You know, I've helped. And as I said, you learn, your mindset changes, and it's been a huge mindset change for me where I actually. You take. You respect people more, you value other people's opinion more, which I'm learning to do. It's been a slow process, but 100% I'm doing that, you know, and, and, and you're not. You just don't realize how many people are struggling. Like, I've done some things that I'm pretty proud of and happy now to help other people just because. And, you know, for no real reason, just because it's the right. You know, it's the right thing to do and it makes you feel good, you know, to the point where I'm sort of the. I resolve all the issues at work when My office, ladies. You know, she goes, if, if anything goes wrong. Yeah, whatever it is. That we had a few issues and she changed. She goes, you're so good at this. I'm like, ah. And that was, that was a good compliment to. You know, everyone's going through some. So much stuff and I'm just trying to help people and it's. Yes, it's good to go out of your way. Mum used to have a saying. She goes, if I can. My, My thing each day is I'll be happy if I can do one good deed and help one person. I've had a good day. You know what I mean? And I remember that. And it's. And she's 100% right, you know, helping one person just for no reason, for nice benefit to yourself, it's a good thing. So a lot of stuff like that and as I said, even communicating, it's. It's just opened up a lot of. A lot of stuff. It took a lot of selfish. Selfishness away that, you know, a lot of things. And health, man, health is just the, that, that. That's almost addictive too, isn't it? I thought, yeah, okay, you know, and I've cut out. I always thought people do dry July. I'm thinking, I'm like, how on earth could you do that? I was a big drinker. Huge. Way too much. But now to the point where, you know, we set some goals, I'll maybe just cut the drinking back to two to three days a week or, you know, we get to the point where I do I even want to drink two to three times a month, you know, because I'm tracking, tracking my sleep. I know what alcohol does to sleep. Yeah, it's, it's, it's almost addictive to see how, how much I can enhance my health and my body because it just flows onto just a much better lifestyle. So, you know, and I knew what it used to feel like to be diet, you know, you know, you go through. Or Ken Lavander stuff, you know, I'm. He just sucks me. Okay. It's. It's funny how your interests change. I'm so interested in everything like that, following little things and just to see how many steps I can take, how much, how much I can improve. And it's just everything's there for me, so I just keep going and going. I was, you know, I was worried at the start that I wasn't progressing, you know, all in or, you know, go all in. I'm like, oh. But yeah, it's. It takes a Minute. But it's, it's not a quick fix. It's a, it's a definite lifestyle change. So. And I've changed. Yeah, changing it for the better finally.

Yeah, mate, and it's true, like it's not a quick fix but you'd be surprised at how you can just generate some, some rapid results and runs on the board. Just those micro wins. And he ordered his hard map. It's hard for everyone but like you mentioned with being a teenage boy or being a woman who's got kids who are now growing up and their identity has been rearing them from day dot and like it's hard for everyone, mate. It's hard for us, but it's hard for kids. So much change. Way more, way more change than us. Imagine that they're growing, they're in an environment that is con. Continuously changing. Every year with their siblings, another year something different. Like it's. Yeah, it's crazy, isn't it when you think about it. The kids just keep their entire childhood is, is change every year. The house is different.

In a toxic society too, you know.

Yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, the rest of the world just wants to eat you alive and have you do what, what it wills for you without any interest, without your best interest at heart with a family nucleus and being a good, genuine woman or man driven with core values and integrity. It's. Mate, it's crazy. But that's where I love this too. This game of investing yourself in personal development. Starting with you, be that which you wish to share with the world. So like I think you said your assistant or one of the office ladies. Like yeah, man, be that so loving and kind, compassionate, giving clarity, openness and transparency. Like it's. You look at all these things. Oh cool. I've got to develop skills around communication. I've got to develop skills in my self worth and respect and I've got to respect myself. If I know what that feels like, well then I know. Well if I can give that to someone else as a common courtesy, then it's well received, you know, whether. Otherwise who knows what's going on when they go home. And they might get, you know, not abused, maybe abused or you know, not respected. Yeah, maybe take them for a ride maybe. It's like, yeah, tough, tough, tough, tough for a lot of humans. So being that first which you want to share with the world is always the way because then you know what the, what the reward is and you're the facilitator of that. That's, that's why I talk about HPF now, like, it's literally a leadership organization. Like developing that leadership so that not under you, but everyone else within the realm of your influence can benefit, you know?

Yeah. Yep. Yeah, it's a. It's been a good thing, but I think I'm finally getting there too. Yeah. Respect myself, finally.

Yes. Yeah, definitely.

Yeah.

Cutting the booze, mate. Just gotta that off. It'll. You'll get the best sleep scores in the world.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I had. I had a couple of Frangelicos. Didn't even have any beer on my birth of my brother's, man. And my sleep score was like red zone 17. It was disgusting. It was like usually 95 to 99%. I looked. I was like, wow. Just from a couple of shots. I went to bed at like 10:30. I was like, wow. Just that alcohol, I couldn't. I was like, mate, I don't think I want to drink it ever again, but maybe once a year, but that's it. You see? You see how much. And things are well with Erin now, mate. Obviously, you know, she's. She's upset. I know. I get it's hard, but I just can't. It's just hard, man. I can't be distracted with a high performance mother. Like, I could nail it. Absolutely. Like, yeah, I wouldn't lead it. Like, I wouldn't lead it. I think it would be what men should lead many things. But what I guess what I mean is I would definitely have a face of hpm. I think that's important for connection because I'm not a woman or a mother, but. But I could definitely knock it out of the park. But it's just. It all comes at a cost, man. So tell her I'm sorry, mate, but I can't do it. Not yet.

No, that's it. They wouldn't listen to us anyway, so.

That's right. That's why get another woman to a woman. But she's. She's over the moon with your changes and results, mate. How are things?

Oh, look, I. I hope so, actually. You know, things like. Actually got to double check, but we've got our. It's hard to str. Hard to shuffle around and get stuff sorted. But we're. We're going out for dinner tonight. Just there and I, so. And that's another thing which was always we sort of.

She's.

She's that worn out. I've tried a few times. This is what we're going to do. We're going out for Dinner tonight. So we've organized it, you know, and. And I have to make time. You know, I make plenty of time for the kids, and I'm making time for myself now, but, you know, I've got to make time for her and. And almost force her to make time for us. That's, That's. That's a. Forever an ongoing battle that we. We just need to make time for us. So we'll do that tonight, hopefully. Have a nice dinner. Yeah, beautiful.

Oh, they love it, mate. It's part of the core eight, you know, relationship leadership. Decisive leadership is a big one of that. You know, it's. I look through that hit list, which I'll do another podcast on, but one of the core ones, there I was like, mate, submission. Bigger than an individual, for sure. You know, integrity, obviously. Mystery and growth. Playing lightness, sexual charge. Like, that's all well and good, but decisive leadership is a big one, man. We sat on that for ages. Well, when we went through it at the event at Penrith, and because it's so important, like, you're right, it's like pulling teeth sometimes. You got to make a decision for them, but. But they need that and they want that, and it saves them the mental bandwidth, gives them permission to step into their feminine. Let the hair down. So now you'll have an amazing night, mate. Look, it's been a good session. I won't keep you too much, too much longer, man. You probably got to start getting. Getting ready in here and make. Well, not you. Hair and makeup. Yeah. Final awesome shares, though, Maddie, thanks for jumping on and sharing your story and the changes and. Yeah, really proud of you, mate. And setting the standard as well for your children. Final thoughts, mate. Takeaways, bits of advice in general, members, non members, anyone listening? Yeah, but, yeah, any final thoughts, mate?

Yeah, look, as I said, I thought originally when you got me on and. And said, let's do a podcast, I sort of went. My first thought was, mate, you've got the wrong guy. I'm. I'm just nobody. And legit thought that, you know, and that's. That's. We've got that mindset. And it wasn't until. It's just what we go to. And it wasn't until. Had a chat with Erin. She's like, oh, you feel unworthy of this? I said, yeah, and. And put a bit of thought into it. And I went, yeah, you know what? I'm doing this stuff. And I took a big. Took a big step, but it wasn't. Wasn't a big Step. It's been an enjoyable step. Look, if. If there is guys enough, and I've recommended it and pushed it, but you know, when your time's right and you know when you're going to have to take that step and even if you're not down in the. You know, and I wanted to do this too, as a. As a personal development, I didn't realize I'd take it on as hard as I have and. And just. Just literally smash it. I have. And I. I guess that's what you want. That's. That's what you want to hear from a guy that. That jumps in and does it. And I can honestly say, you know, I have gone all in. I thought at the start I was hesitant, and I just kept going. And you've got to do it. It's. It's a. If you want to. You got to work on yourself first to. Basically, that's my thought now. I've got to work on myself to get what I want, and it's just. Just killing it and loving it. So, yeah, just do it. You got to do it. Why not.

Man? It's. It's funny just you mentioned that, like, I. I truly mean this, man, when I say, like, I. I look at discomfort or things that are uncomfortable as a drug. Like, honestly, man, it's like an addiction for me now, because I know Matt, the glory's on the other side, man. Like, if you head into something that's uncomfortable, not discomforting, how you sit in a chair or like. Like something that you're genuinely like, oh, man, this is gonna test me. This is going to challenge me. Oh, mate, I run to that now. I'm like, yes, that's where the gold is. I'm telling you, man, like, whether personal, professional, family, self, or service, it says something to conquer. I'm gonna be. I'll show you. I'm gonna beat this. It.

It.

It's gonna bring change, which typically, if you are active towards it in pursuing it, not passive, the change will turn in your favor. And just the opportunities that you don't know exist that build off the back of it. It's. It's incredible, you know, you helping a couple of people that have been struggling. Could you have done that if you weren't in hpf? Maybe not, but you don't even know who that might have helped that you'll never even meet, you know, through mentoring people in the local community. Already. Already it's like Naz brought over 100 men through the gates. He's got no idea how many people he's helped that don't even know him yet. Like, wow.

Yeah.

Just from a podcast, just like your podcast today. That's like that discomfort that. Whether it's butterflies or I look for that. I look. So I, I love doing what I do speaking on stage with the men now, but it's like, okay, well that's. I know the people in the subject can give me 100, give me 10,000. It's like, all right, well what, what can I do that's going to make me uncomfortable now? Like, how could I change the experience? And because public speaking is like, mate, love it all over it. And that's not arrogance, it's mates, reps, tens of thousands of hours. So, so I love. But then look where you are. Like someone's impossible is just a. Another day in the office. Like, that's pretty. Not that you compare to others. It's just what is your identity? I guess coming back to what you said at the start, like, I truly believe, man, that your identity is at a deeper soul level. Like, it's, it's what defines you is typically what you'll most consistently do throughout your life and your actions. So, Matty, are worthy. You are smashing it. Absolutely. You should be on the podcast and not because of who you are or who you were or your name. It's because of the actions, man. I think that's what defines people's identities, to be fair. Not a title or a name, but could be wrong. But that's. It's helped me. Yes, mate. Jackson, man, he's 12, just about turned 13, I think you said. I can't. Yeah, can't wait to see like the, the children of the HBF men, you know, like it's. You hear him saying, I want to be a high performance father one day and we get all these little, these little like, I guess whispers, you know, because it's for the dads, but they share bits and pieces from the kids. But like, man, I can't wait to see in 10 years time what those kids are doing as adults. Like, it's. Yeah, it's inspiring, man. But thank you for giving the time, mate.

My pleasure, my pleasure. Thanks for having me.

Not too nerve wracking.

Oh, no, yeah. I hope I didn't ramble too much, but I can do that when I get nervous. But nah, that was. Yeah, no, that was good. Thanks.

Ah, mate is phenomenal. So much value. I hope you guys enjoyed this and got plenty of it and, and have taken some key points from, from Matt, his life his journey, stories, perspectives, his takeaways, and take those key points and apply it immediately. Apply it to your life and just keep going and growing. Just keep, just. Just stick with it. Keep, Keep ripping in, because you don't know what's possible. And that's a good thing sometimes if you apply yourself because you'll. You'll find out.

I'm excited to see where I can go. Yeah.

100%. Thank you, mate. Thank you, man.

Cheers. Thank you.