Melt could be the answer

It's oh, dark 30 every other weekend. I don't have my kids every other weekend. I strive to catch up on things and get the things done that I need to get done. Two weekends ago I was away for a conference. So it was a gap of four weeks between those weekends. This weekend was a big catch up weekend. It is now Sunday night or very early Monday morning where I'm going to push through the entire night to get done or try to get done some things because this weekend I was essentially ineffective because of mental constipation, ADHD paralysis, I don't know. That's not even a. It's a medical, not a medical term, but it is a commonly recognized challenge where despite having a plan, despite having tasks, projects broken down step by step with time estimates and doing leaving initiatives to be able to create that momentum, I still haven't been able to get rolling. It's unbelievably frustrating. It is so frustrating. This is my life, this has been my whole life to have a drive to be a high achiever, to just not be able to stand by and watch things happen. And when ideas get in my head for what can be done and what should be done, I'm driven to do it. But then I'm challenged with such immense resistance. It is so, so frustrating and I just have to keep going. I have to figure out how to do it. And, and here's the other interesting piece that's probably feeds into all this when everything is great. When I exercise, I meditate, I journal, I sleep well, I eat well, although like now. But everything else have fallen off the wagon because I've in the middle of this ongoing psoriasis flare up that takes me about two hours a day to manage. Two hours a day. It doesn't look bad from the neck up, you can't tell. But below, below here I'm about 80% covered. And that means that my skin is reproducing at a crazy rate. And so I'm covered in plaques of scaling of skin where I lose elasticity. And to get that off takes a long time in a bath, in the shower to slowly rub it off, which is about 45 minutes a damn day followed by a narrow band UVB light therapy. And luckily I have my own unit to do that which ranges from 10 to 40 minutes of use per day as I increase in, in exposure and every time I use it I have to moisturize and every time after using it. So before moisturize, after moisturize and that takes a lot of time and it's just kind of, ew, gross, like you're sticky. You have to get the right amount. And I have to expose all my bits and pieces evenly to be able to, to get the effectiveness of, of that thing. So that sets me back, which then I sacrifice the other things in my life I need to do to be able to be functional and productive. And having to deal with this for the last two months has, has just made things really challenging. And here I am. Lack of sleep also causes an even greater flare up. So ADHD sucks. You know, I don't look at it as a limiting factor. I look at it really as a superpower of mine where I'm able to put together things in such a fast and powerful way. Although I'm slower to learn things when I do learn it. How the concepts come together with other things is a beautiful thing. It absolutely is. But that front end, the front end level of effort to get over that hump, to be able to get to that point is, is heavy. And part of that in building my businesses and doing several things I'm doing, there's also a huge learning component to everything as well that I try to squeeze in. And then as I'm more tired because then a sacrifice on the sleep to be able to get done the real to do's, it all starts falling apart. So here I am at a really crucial point in my journey in trying to make the right decisions of what I need to do, have to do what comes first, what comes second, to create the outcomes, manage everything. And I think maybe In World War II the Germans had it right. Maybe, maybe meth. Meth could be the answer.